Looking Back

I had my last day at Bruno’s and I’m really going to miss that place. I know I complained about it a lot but the truth of the matter is that it was a place that provided stability while I was making a huge career transition and I had a lot of good experiences while working there.

I said good-bye to Cara and my regulars and walked out after closing for the last time. There was also a sense of closure when it came to Brad. He was connected to Bruno’s and always would be but leaving there cut the last string I had connected to him. He no longer knows where I live or work and I’d blocked his phone number and e-mails long ago. He has no way to contact me at all which fits in nicely with my plan for a clean slate in 2014 (especially considering how toxic 2013 was and how Brad was the person that kicked it off with me).

Quitter

I gave Bruno my two weeks’ notice today and I feel GREAT!

Clean Slates

It’s been awhile since I’ve written regularly. But a lot has happened and I finally have time to tell you guys. For one, Molly and I now live in a new apartment and we are completely moved in. For two, I have a new addition to my family!

Thankless

I know I haven’t written in a while and there’s a reason for that which I will talk about in my next post but right now I have to tell you guys about Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was…interesting.

Another Unexpected Visitor

Molly and I have settled back into our apartment. It was cleaned and made as good as before but the memories of what happened will never be gone and we’ve actually talked about moving into a new apartment since our lease will be up in January. Molly wants to move out as soon as possible, though, and our landlord has been understanding enough to not charge us a ton to break the lease.

Molly and I were scheduled to go look at apartments later today. She was still at work and the company we were using to help us find apartments was going to send over an agent to escort us to all of the places we’d selected. When I heard a knock at our door, I’d assumed it was the apartment escort but they were at least an hour and a half early; Molly wasn’t due back from work for another hour.

When I opened the door it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

“Oh my God.”

The Choice

Zoey and I arrived at the hospital to pick up Molly at the crack of dawn. I hadn’t really slept at all and what little sleep I did get was filled with horrifying flashbacks. It seemed to take forever for Molly to be discharged from the hospital and sent on her way but when it finally happened we loaded into the car and Zoey dropped me off at the hospital that Adam was at. She and Molly walked up to the waiting room with me.

“We’ll wait for five minutes to make sure you’re able to see him and then I’m going to get Molly settled in at my place. You can call me when you’re ready to be picked up, okay?” Zoey said as I looked down the long, sterile-white hallway to Adam’s room.

I nodded and then started the long trek down the hallway to look for room 515. The good news was that Adam had survived his surgery but that was all I knew before I entered his room. I found it and suddenly became incredibly nervous. What if he didn’t want to see me? What if he yelled at me to get out and to never see him again? What if he was in a coma?

I lightly knocked on the door and waited for a voice to tell me to come in. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.

In Limbo

The event over the past few days have been hard for me to process. There have been so many unanswered questions, upsetting revelations, and feelings of guilt.

But I’m getting ahead of myself…

The End Comes

“Oh…Hi.” I said opening the door.

Unexpected Visitor

I spoke to Cara while we were closing the other night and finally got an explanation for why my alibi for Eddie’s fire isn’t the greatest. And Molly was right to be worried; it really isn’t as strong of an alibi as I thought it was.

Mysterious Molly

Detective Geordi hasn’t called me back yet. I have called and left voicemails for him several times a day since Adam I went to the police station to talk to him. Molly came back last night, though, and we had a pretty long talk.

What. The. Fuck.

I dialed Mike’s number but just couldn’t bring myself to press the dial button and I started crying. I wasn’t prepared to talk to him again. Not yet. Assuming he’d even want to talk to me. I couldn’t do it. I sighed and put my phone down next to me on the kitchen table. Dragging Mike into this could get him in serious trouble, even if I was ready to talk to him again. He disclosed details of an open investigation to me when we were dating, details he isn’t even supposed to know about let alone tell a civilian who is actually involved in the case.

Rude Awakenings

I spent the morning brushing Murphy on our balcony, cleaning, and making a grocery list. It was a lazy Sunday and things have calmed down quite a bit for me now that I’m no longer looking for work. I’ve decided to work at Bruno’s until New Years’ to cash in on the holiday money in an effort to replace the large investment check I had to write for The Glass Penny and put a buffer in my checking account but after that, I’m out. I’m feeling pretty optimistic about it.

I was looking forward to grocery shopping. I found this yummy-looking tortellini bake recipe online and wanted to try it. Supposedly it only takes 20 minutes to cook and you all know how much I love Italian food.

“Ready to go, Molly?” I asked. I put the list in my purse and went to open the door. The smile on my face disappeared immediately.

Celebrate Good Times

It’s official! We’re breaking ground on the theatre renovation next week. Important members of the community and neighborhood will be there to commemorate it and welcome us. I’m pretty excited. Our next board meeting won’t be for awhile but Zeke said that Nick is going to basically pitch all sort of PR and marketing ideas to get the theatre’s name out there and build up hype. But more importantly it’s supposed to attract a lot of investors. Hopefully Nick is as good as I’ve heard.

Molly and I wanted to go out and celebrate. So we invited all the girls.

Lack and Luster

Molly and I were so excited. We had our first staff meeting over the weekend and it was going to being the new theatre space. Neither of us had seen it so we were very excited for our first look. Until we got there.

Let's Try This Again!

All has been quiet with the theatre fire situation. Cara mentioned that detective Geordi had called her and asked about my whereabouts but other than that, I haven’t heard anything about it. I considered going to talk to Eddie about it because I don’t want him to think I did this but I thought that that might not be a very good idea. And my lawyer agreed.

Conspiracies

“Ow! Let go of my arm!”

Prime Suspect

I woke up, ready to take on the day and start looking for more theatres in a 30 mile radius (I’m desperate, okay?) that I could apply to. I hadn’t heard from any I applied to since my day with the girls and I was feeling dejected, but I promised myself that no pity parties were allowed today. That was laughable.

I can honestly say that I did not expect to be taken to the police station and interviewed by a bunch of cops literally 15 minutes after I woke up this morning.

  

Girls, Girls, Girls

I spent the rest of the week feeling sorry for myself and being angry. Eventually, Suzy called and insisted I join her, Amber, and Dina for a day out in the city while the weather was still hot.

Square One...Again

Well, it’s official. Eddie has completely screwed me over.

Funeral

The Glass Penny is dead.

Girl's Day

I met Suzy and Amber at a stop on the subway line we were taking. Suzy I recognized right away, the woman standing next to her, I assumed, was Amber.

Bet the Farm

Well. I officially signed my contract for The Glass Penny. Things aren’t quite set in stone yet, though.

Pens at the Ready

Molly and I sat across from Shelby in her office. We’d brought the new contracts Hazel had couriered to us that reflected the changes to our positions on the board.

The Glass Penny

Molly and I showed up at the restaurant early. We were both wearing knee-length dresses with professional necklines. I was wearing a light purple dress with a boxy neckline and pencil-style skirt. Molly was wearing a navy dress with a circle skirt and straight scoop neckline. We awkwardly stood amongst crystal artwork in the foyer wondering if Zeke was here or if we should wait but a waiter showed us to a large round table with a white tablecloth where Zeke was seated.

Planner

The meeting Zeke requested is quickly on its way here and I have not been able to get Molly to tell me anything.

Amazing Amber

Adam and I caught back up with a Project Runway All-Stars marathon at my apartment over the weekend and it was…interesting.

Friends Will Be Friends

I got to the restaurant early and sat at a table for Suzy, Dina, Steve, and I. I was nervous about how things would go between the four of us but I reminded myself that the fact that the three of them agreed to meet me was a positive sign that we might be able to rekindle our friendship.

Let's Do Lunch(es)!

I’m meeting with my old work friends tomorrow for lunch and I’m a little nervous about it. I’m surprised that they even agreed to meet me for lunch considering how things were left between us. I mean, I was the one who fired them and they were pretty cold when they found out I knew for as long as I did that the news station paper was going under.

Lots and Lots of Therapy

It’s been awhile. I’m sure you’re all wondering where I’ve been for the past month. Especially after everything with Brad went down.

Under The Bridge

I woke up in the morning dreading what I had planned for the day. I had to talk to Brad and I wasn’t sure how things would go, especially considering how excited he was about the prospect of being a dad and the decisions I had come to about our relationship with the past few days of reflection.

Interview With The Author

So, lovely readers. This week is the last week of the absolutely nuts scheduling I have going on. And I only have one post for this week (and it needs to be heavily re-written before I post it on Thursday).

But I was thinking, instead of just not having a post for Tuesday, we could use the time for you guys to ask me questions about the story. There seems to be a lot of confusion with certain characters and story lines and I think that's probably just because the blog has been around for so long and a lot of the confusion regards the older story lines, it's also because I have evolved as a writer since those first posts (or I'd like to think I have!) and the writing isn't as strong nor was I expecting to make this a long-term writing commitment so it wasn't as planned out.

So, in the comments, feel free to ask me your questions. I'll be around to answer them (as long as they don't spoil any future story lines) and even drop some fun facts about old story lines and what I'd originally had planned. I know it sucks a lot when I have to skip posts and you all hate it but I thought this might be a fun compromise to just not having anything at all. You can ask questions about whatever you want; the story, what I do when I'm not writing about Faith's world, the characters, etc.

Also, we will be going to three times a week very soon! And I am almost done with the character index. Expect that next week!

-del

Weightless

It was foggy when Molly and I loaded into her car. I had my pajamas on and felt nervous as we drove toward the clinic. It was about 30 minutes away and when we arrived, we saw the protesters. They had graphic signs and I could hear their muffled screaming through the car windows. I closed my eyes until I felt the car come to a complete stop.

“Ready?” Molly asked looking over at me.

I took a deep breath and nodded before I got out of the car. It was time.

Prepped and Ready

I went to my first appointment on Wednesday and had to listen to a nurse explain what my options were and assure her I wasn’t being forced into anything. I also had to get an ultrasound to verify that I was still pregnant and to determine what kind of abortion I was eligible.

Mind Made

Brad wanted me to come over so we could talk some more about the pregnancy now that time had passed for us to both think about it. My first referral appointment is on Wednesday and I had already decided that I wasn’t going to tell Brad until a few days after my final appointment on Saturday. I just didn’t want him to make it more difficult than it was already going to be. I didn’t really want to talk to Brad about the pregnancy but decided to hear what he had to say, anyway, since we both had time to think about things. I knew there was an almost impossible chance I’d change my mind no matter what he said but when I eventually tell him about the abortion, I want him to at least feel like he got to have his thoughts taken into consideration before it happened.

Waiting

I sat in the doctor’s office twitching my foot nervously. I had just peed in a cup to confirm that I was pregnant, which a nurse took. Molly and I were left in the exam room to wait. It seemed like an eternity had passed when the doctor finally walked in.

She had light brown hair and thick, black glasses that matched her sensible black pumps. She was wearing a wrap dress in a calming blue color.

“Hi, Faith. I’m Dr. Green.”

Choices

I have my doctor’s appointment tomorrow. And I told Molly a few days ago.

Pregnant or Not Pregnant?

I saw the pregnancy test’s result and started crying. Then I heard Brad start crying. When I looked at him, it was with abject horror.

The Thin Red Line?

“Can you close the window?” I asked Brad.

We were sitting on his couch and he was closest to it. The breeze blowing through wasn’t helping my allergies and I was sick of sneezing. And I was getting sick of Brad, too. Every time I tried to talk about something serious, he changed the subject to his new tattoo or to how romantic it was that we told each other we loved each other over a picnic.

Dr. Zoey

“Wow. That seems so….bizarre.” Zoey said after I told her what happened with Brad.

“Right? It’s like I’ve finally seen his true colors or something.”

Brad's a Bust

The show finally closed but Ed has not offered me another job like I thought he would.

He's a Super Freak

“I think we should talk.” I said sitting next to Brad. I had decided that I needed to end our relationship sooner than later and decided to sit him down when he got home from work and do it as quickly as possible.

“Me, too. I wanted to show you this.”

Brad lifted up his shirt’s sleeve to show me a new tattoo he got. My eyes got wide and I felt nervous.

Oops

I blinked at him after he said it and opened my mouth but nothing came out. He kept looking at me expectantly and a long silence stretched between us.

“I love you too.” I squeaked out.

Four Little Words

I got over my double illness just in time for allergy season. Joy. 

Sick

I am sicker than a dog right now, you guys. I think my huge workload has finally taken its toll. I have bronchitis AND strep throat. I can’t miss calling the show (which closes at the end of this month thank God!) but Bruno did give me time off so I can get better (and not infect our customers).

Flirty Faith

I showed up at the record store Brad works at in super tiny, skin-tight denim shorts and a tight, white tank top and a push-up bra. I needed a good reason to show up there out of the blue and figured I’d pretend like I was bringing him lunch. For good measure, I made sure it wasn’t food he’d like, that way if he didn’t take the bait with the open flirting, I could pick a fight if he said he didn’t like it.

“Hey.” I said walking inside.

“What are you doing here?” Brad asked happily.

“I thought I’d surprise you with lunch.” I said holding up the lunch cooler I brought with me.

“That’s awesome! Let me go get my jacket.”

“Okay.” I said as he walked towards the back. I found myself annoyed by his excitement.

I walked over to the cash register where Phil, Brad’s friend, was working. I leaned on the counter so my cleavage was in full view and stuck my butt out seductively.

Master Plan

“You guys, he is not taking any of the bait. He sees me as perfect.” I bemoaned.

The girls and I were shopping at the mall. Anna had brought the twins who had just turned two (which I cannot believe, they are SO big) last month in a double stroller. They were sleeping while we tried on shoes.

“Maybe you should just end things.” Anna suggested.

Oral Fixation

Bruno has STILL not found a replacement for Brad’s position which means I am still working at the theatre, calling cues every night and then immediately going to the bar right after. Last night, I was there until 4 in the morning because I had to close and do inventory for this month. The money I’m making is nice but I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

I went to Brad’s place after I got off of work and immediately kicked off my shoes and took my pants off before crawling into his warm bed.

“Hey.” He smiled wiping the sleep out of his eyes, “Long night?”

“You have NO idea.” I said snuggling into him and closing my eyes.

When Self-Sabotage Works in my Favor

“How are you accidentally dating Brad now? Didn’t you and Mike break up less than a month ago?” Anna asked.

Can of Worms

Tonight was opening night of the show. Tech was rough but we all got through it and Zeke was my light board operator again which was nice. Zeke is fun to work with and he knows when to stay focused and when he can relax a bit. We have a good chemistry when it comes to me calling cues and him following them.

“That was a good opening, Zeke. Thanks for your hard work.”

“You, too, Faith. I’ll start shutting down the booth so you can make sure the backstage area is closed up.”

“Thanks, man.”

I headed to the backstage area to check in with our costume crew head, Sally. Everything was getting checked in and the actors were leaving. I checked the props in and made sure they were all placed on the table where they were supposed to be, then I put out the ghost light on the stage. By the time that was done, Sally was done checking in the costumes and I locked up.

“Hey, Faith, some guy was looking for you, I told him to wait in the booth.” Zeke said from around the corner, “Is it cool if I go?”

Tough Love

I was sitting at the dining table feeling sorry for myself when Molly walked out of her room. She was dressed to the nines, getting ready to go out on a date with Calvin. I had to be at work in an hour but I wasn’t dressed yet and just wanted to be sad.

Molly sighed.

“Still sad?” She asked pouring herself a soda.

“I will be sad forever.” I said dramatically.

“Can I say something?” She asked timidly.

“Yes, of course you can.”

She sat down across from me with her soda.

“Okay, well, can you promise me that what I’m about to say won’t affect our friendship because it’s going to be brutally honest and might make you cry…”

I hesitated.

Confrontation

“What the HELL is wrong with you!?” I yelled.

And in the End...

Mike and I are over.

He came over to my apartment yesterday to end it in person.

The Truth Will Set You Free

Brad watched my face as he said it.

There was a beat of silence before a look of understanding spread over Mike’s face and he turned to look at me. The hurt from Brad’s words were all over his face. Mike headed out of the bar, I followed him out but not before I shot Brad a look full of hatred.

When I caught up with Mike on the sidewalk, he spun around to look at me.

“Is it true?” He asked.

The Truth Will Out

A word from the author: A few updates before this post, and a warning.

I've started getting responses for the survey (and hey, if you haven't taken it yet, please do so by clicking here, it's fast and easy and I'd really appreciate it if you could fill it out) and you guys have given me some GREAT feedback. So here are some changes I'm going to implement, so far (more changes will probably be coming but those have to do with story line and characters so those won't be immediate and other changes that will really come only when we're caught up with real time):

• I will be introducing a character page for the sidebar. It will have every character that has appeared on the blog in alphabetical order with descriptions and summaries of how they relate to Faith. A lot of you mentioned that it was hard to remember who was who so I'm going to work on making that and will let you all know when it's complete. It may take me awhile because there are A LOT of characters.
• Almost everyone mentioned the problem with not being on real time. And I completely agree. So I'm going to make every effort to get back to real time by August of this year, September at the absolute latest. Being back on real time has been my major goal for this year because being able to schedule posts makes things so much easier for me when it comes to posting consistently.
• You want longer posts more than two times a week. This is fair and I get it, you all love the blog and want more posts to read, but I'll be straight with you, it's not doable for a long period of time for me and trying to force myself to do a three times per week schedule is part of the reason why I'm so behind in time in the first place. It's almost double the amount of writing I would need to do for a two posts per week schedule and that puts a lot more of a strain on me to just write something so I have something to post. That's not how I like to write and you guys want long, high quality posts so that's not something any of you really want, either, because that's not what you're going to get when I realize that I don't have a post for the next day and it's 11:30 at night. So here's what's going to happen: I have some important stuff happening in July but once that's done, I'll start posting three times a week to get us back up to real time. Once school starts up again, we'll have to go to two times a week and I'll try to throw in a bonus post occasionally.
• I am going to change the posting schedule once school starts up again to being on Mondays and Thursdays. I think that balances things out a little more evenly and it'll be easier for me to have posts written for those days based on my class schedule for the fall. But, the posting schedule, for now, is still Tuesdays and Thursdays. I will make announcements when the schedule changes and put the posting days in the blog's sidebar.

Now for a warning...that sounds so serious, so, um, how about I'm giving you all a heads up: We're about to start a very rocky roller coaster ride for Faith. Many of you are going to absolutely hate it (based on the survey comments) but I promise that if you stick around for it the Faith you all fell in love with will be back by the time we get up to real time and things will be VERY different from where we've been for the past year and a half. As readers, you don't get the luxury to see how the road ends like I do, but please trust me when I say that, even though this will be a very frustrating few months for you and Faith, it is completely and entirely necessary for Faith's development as a character. I've been planning this story line out since I started the blog and it's exciting (and sort of scary) to finally have it written out and ready for your eyes. I hope you enjoy reading it (even if you don't like everything that's about to happen).

Happy Reading!
-del

Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

Mike and I had just had a session of great morning sex in my bed.

The Big VD

“Hey, so…what do you want to do for Valentine’s Day?” Mike asked.

Chicken

Mike and I were sitting on his couch watching a movie. I was curled up next to him with my head on his shoulder, his arm was wrapped around me. I sighed deeply, enjoying the moment. Things were like the fight at Christmas never happened. But then the guilt crashed over me, ruining the happiness of the moment. I was lying to him. It must have showed on my face because Mike raised his eyebrows at me.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

To Tell or Not to Tell

“I need to tell you something, but I want you to promise you’ll let me finish before you start yelling.” I said.

I was sitting at the table, staring at my hands, not sure if I really wanted to come clean about the Brad situation.

I’m a coward and didn’t want to tell Mike until I’d run it by the girls first. We were having brunch.

“Okay.” Zoey said skeptically. Anna and Molly nodded.

“I had sex with Brad while Mike and I were on a break. Now Brad has quit and it’s because of me and I feel SO guilty about everything. I haven’t told Mike and I don’t know if I should or not.”

I took a deep breath and braced myself. The girls looked at each other in silence.

“Oh, Faith.” Anna said. The disappointment in her voice was clear.

“Why?” Zoey asked exasperatedly.

“I was sad and I was sure Mike and I were done, I hadn’t heard from him in a week…I…I don’t even really remember how it all happened but it did and I am being eaten up on the inside with guilt.”

“Do you even know if that’s why Brad left?” Molly asked.

 I opened my mouth to answer but then realized I didn’t know.

“I’m pretty sure.”

“But you don’t actually know if that’s the reason?”

“Well…no…but-”

“Maybe you should call him and see if that’s actually the case. He could’ve just left for a better job.” Molly said.

I realized Molly was right. Knowing if Brad really DID leave because of what happened would assuage my guilt a little bit but not all of it.

“Even if he didn’t leave, what should I do about Mike? Should I tell him?”

“Would you want to know if he slept with someone during your break?” Anna asked.

“Yes and no.” I replied.

“Why?” Zoey asked.

“Well…because I’d want to know but at the same time it would break my heart. I don’t know that I would want to break up for good, though…”

“It looks like you have your answer.” Anna pointed out.

“Yeah, but wouldn’t it just be better to not tell him and put him through the pain of it all?”

“Better? Or easier?” Zoey asked.

She had a point. Not telling Mike was certainly the easier route but it’s also the more dishonest one, too. I still haven’t made a decision about whether or not to tell him but I am definitely going to get in touch with Brad and try to get some kind of closure for what happened. I also need to apologize to him for being so inconsiderate to his feelings.

Disappearing Act

Because I have been working on the holiday show with the theatre, I haven’t been working nights at the bar with exceptions for New Year’s and other extremely high volume-expected times. As such, I’ve been working days, which means I haven’t seen Brad since New Year’s Eve; I’ve also been ignoring all of his texts and phone calls since then, too. So, now that the holiday show is over, I’m back on nights and was expecting a whole lot of awkwardness coming from Brad’s direction when I walked in to work last night.

But he wasn’t there.                                        

I clocked in and got settled with Cara. She was pouring drinks tonight, instead of being a bar back like usual.

“Are you filling in for Brad?” I asked her.

“Didn’t Bruno tell you?” She asked.

“Did Bruno tell me what?”

“I’ve been promoted to bartender.”

“Oh, that’s awesome, Cara!”

“Bruno said he wants to see you after you get settled.” She said serving a beer to a regular.

I went to the back room where Bruno always hung out with his favorite customers.

“Bruno, you wanted to see me?”

“Yeah, Faith, let’s go to the office.”

I followed him back through the kitchen to a rickety staircase. Once we got to the landing, I followed him down a damp-smelling hallway until we reached his office. He offered me a seat in front of an old antique desk covered with papers.

“The situation going on with Brad is just unacceptable. I want to know what you think about it.”

I broke out in a cold sweat. Did Brad tell Bruno that we had sex in the stockroom? Was Bruno about to fire me? Is that why Brad wasn’t there? Had he been fired? I started panicking internally but decided to play dumb.

“What situation? Does it have to do with why he’s not here right now?”

Bruno gave me a confused look.

“You don’t know…? Faith, Brad quit five days ago. He didn’t even give me two weeks’ notice.”

I sat there shocked. My stomach dropped. I was both relieved about not being fired but also felt responsible for Brad leaving.

“I made Cara a bartender but I need you to take Brad’s place as the head bartender.”

“What!? Bruno, I’m in no way trained for that.”

“I’ll pay to get you trained at a school or something, okay, but I can’t run this place without a head bartender, you know that. And you’re the best person I’ve got for the job. I’ll pay you more.”

 I sighed.

“It’s not about the money. What about my other job? You know I need the flexibility of working days and nights when I work on shows. The head bartender works the busiest shifts, which are always at night. I can’t do that AND stage manage shows that are opened.”

Bruno sat back in his chair, deep in thought. His chair made loud creaky sounds as he rocked back and forth.

“What if it’s just temporary?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll make you the head bartender for 3 weeks…a month tops, just until I can find someone else. I’ll pay you double time.”

I thought about it. A month wouldn’t be too bad. Most rehearsal periods last that long so if Ed picked me up for the next show, there shouldn’t be a conflict since I can work nights during the rehearsal period, but not when the show is open and having performances at night.

“Okay.” I said.

We shook hands and I left the office. When I got back to the bar, we had a lot of customers so I started pouring drinks as fast as possible. Eventually, Cara and I got caught up and had some down time.

“So, what did Bruno want?” She asked.

“He wanted to promote me to head bartender.”

“That’s awesome, Faith!”

“I didn’t take it.” I said.

Cara’s face fell.

“It’s just going to be temporary until he can find someone else.”

“Oh.” She said.

“It just wouldn’t work with my stage managing.” I said.

Cara nodded in agreement.

“So…what happened with Brad?” I asked her.

“I have no idea.” She said, “He just…left. He said he didn’t need the bar anymore or anyone here. It was…it came out of nowhere. He seemed happier than usual for the past few weeks but a few days before he quit he seemed really angry and upset all the time. He must have had some personal stuff going on.”

“Yeah, I guess. Do you know what he’s doing now?”

“I think he’s working as a manager at some record store his friend owns. He’s talked about it before as a back-up plan if the bar ever went under.”

“Wow.” I said. I was pretty sure Brad’s departure had EVERYTHING to do with what happened between us but I didn’t want Cara to find out about that.

“So how are you and Mike?” Cara changed the subject and I was thankful.

“We’re fully back together and things are going well. I’m meeting him tomorrow to see a movie. You and Liam can come, if you want.”

“Oh, I’d love to, but Liam’s parents are in town and we’re going out to dinner tomorrow.”

When I got home after my shift, I felt insurmountably guilty. I felt guilty because I’m the reason Brad left and I feel guilty because I still don’t know if I should tell Mike about what happened. The longer I wait to tell him, the worse it will be, I think, but if I never tell him I’ll feel like I’ll be lying to him. I hate this.

Movers and Shakers

Zoey was able to find an apartment in record time and Molly, Anna, and I were helping her move before Wesley came back from Australia, he had extended his stay so they wouldn't have to share the same living space while Zoey moved out.  She bribed us with the promise of pizza and beer once we got done.

“This looks like it’s going to be a pretty clean break.” Anna said carrying a box up the stairs to Zoey’s new place.

“It’s for the best.” Zoey said.

It took us a few hours to get everything upstairs and organized. Zoey had a lot more stuff than I realized. Some of it was stuff she’d been keeping in storage after moving in with Wesley. We decided to go out and eat in a pizza place instead of Zoey’s apartment and then go to the store and help her get some groceries to stock her fridge.

We were dirty and sweaty but the pizza and beers were just what the doctor ordered. I had told the girls that Mike and I were back together but I hadn’t told them about the Brad incident. Honestly, I’m too ashamed and embarrassed to tell them and I still don’t know if I should tell Mike or not. Brad has sent me a few text messages but I haven’t responded to them. I’m worried about what it’s going to be like to see Brad for the first time since the stockroom incident.

“You know, I’m kind of glad things with Wesley and I are over. I’ve missed being single and having my own space. I can’t wait to just be in my own apartment and have my own space.”

“I’m happy you’re happy.” I said clinking my pint to hers.

“I think it’s awesome that you’re embracing the single life.” Molly said taking a bite of her pepperoni pizza.

“Me, too. Marriage is hard, you have to make sure that if you’re going to go down that road, it’s with the right person. Wesley just wasn’t that guy for you.” Anna added.

“You know, Mike and I have talked about marriage.” I said.

“Really? Already?” Anna asked.

“Well, not very seriously but he has mentioned that he’d marry me tomorrow if the thought wasn’t so terrifying to both of us. So, I guess, take that how you will.” I joked.

“And what do you think about that?” Zoey asked sipping her beer.

“I love him and I think our relationship is the healthiest one I’ve ever been in so maybe marriage is in our future…if I can manage not to screw it up.”

“What do you mean?” Molly asked suspiciously.

“Nothing…I just…well sometimes I seem to sabotage my relationships or make stupid decisions that doom them.”

“Anything in particular you’d like to mention?” Zoey smirked.

“Nope.” I took a bite of pizza.

We finished our pizzas and beers and then headed to the grocery store to help Zoey buy the essentials. Once she was all stocked up, we stayed and helped her set up her bed and unpack a few things. Molly and I were putting away dishes in the kitchen while Anna and Zoey were making her bed. It really is a nice apartment.

I’ve been thinking about what Zoey said about wanting her own space and I felt the smallest pang of sadness over losing my old apartment, especially in the way I lost it. But I really do like living with Molly. It makes me wonder if Wesley wasn’t the guy we all thought he was but surely Zoey would’ve have said something or asked for help if the situation was really bad, right?

The Meeting

Mike was waiting for me when I walked into the coffee shop we’d decided to meet at. He had two cups of coffee sitting on the table. I sat down and prepared myself for a very unhappy conversation.

“Can we just get this over with?” I blurted out.

“What do you mean?” Mike asked.

“I know you’re breaking up with me. You can just say it, I won’t make a scene.”

Mike gave me a half smile.

“Do you want to break up?” He asked.

“Is this a trick question?” I asked suspiciously.

“Faith, I just wanted to talk about what happened and see where we wanted to go from there.”

“Oh.” I felt relieved but also embarrassed.

Mike scooted a coffee cup in my direction and I took it.

“I owe you an apology,” He started, “I should have defended you. Maggie crossed a line and I talked to her about it. She wanted me to give you this.”

He handed me a sealed envelope. I looked at him with confusion.

“I haven’t read it. But Maggie wrote it to you and she said it’s an apology for how she treated you. She and Jamie and the kids left a few days after Christmas so she couldn’t give it to you in person.”

I took the envelope and looked at the neat cursive on the front that spelled out my name.

“I should have told you about the tension between Maggie and I.” I said.

“Faith, I knew it was there, I just didn’t want to deal with it. And I’m really sorry for that. I should have stepped in long before the argument in the kitchen took place. I should have been more present…I should have been there for you like you were for me.”

Mike looked sad and tired. He’d gone through so much in the last month. I took his hand.

“I just want you to understand that I don’t expect you to put me before your family. So I get it, Mike, but I also appreciate your apology. You’ve been dealing with so much and I want to apologize for just adding to that with this whole situation.”

Mike and I looked at each other and smiled sadly.

“I’m really lucky to have you in my life, Faith. Most girlfriends probably would have bailed but you dove right in and offered support to me AND to my family. I talked to Sarah and Claire and explained to them that Maggie was wrong about the kind of person you are and that they shouldn’t let what happened ruin the way they felt about you before. I care about you and I want you to feel comfortable around my family.”

“Thank you.” I said. I was touched.

“So,” Mike took in a shaky breath, “what do you want to do about us? Do you want to end things or should we stay together?”

I smiled.

“I don’t want to break up.”

When I walked into the coffee shop earlier, I never thought Mike and I would come out as a couple. Things had gone better than I had ever thought but as we walked around in a nearby park I felt pangs of guilt over what had transpired the night before with Brad. Now that Mike and I are no longer on our break I don’t know what to do; I feel so conflicted and I regret everything that happened even more than I did last night.

Should I tell Mike what happened while we were on our break or will that just cause unnecessary tension between us while we’re trying to recover from almost breaking up? I don’t know what to do.

As for Maggie's letter, I haven't even opened it yet. I just couldn't bring myself to do it with everything she said still bouncing around in my head mixed in with the guilt I feel about the Brad situation. I'll read it...eventually, but I just want to kind of forget about Maggie for the moment.

New Year's

I woke up yesterday with a bad feeling but I couldn’t just cover my head with my blanket and stay in bed because I’m an adult and I have a hungry cat to feed and bills to pay. New Year’s Eve is our biggest night at Bruno’s and I really needed the money I’d be making by working (double time + tips) but I just couldn’t shake the bad feeling I had. I dressed with tips in mind and wore a sexy gray tank with no bra and a tight pencil skirt that went to mid-thigh with some black oxford booties.

Mike still hadn’t called me and I sighed as I checked my phone before clocking in for the night: No missed calls.

“Faith? What’s going on?” Cara said.

“Mike and I aren’t together anymore.” I said.

“Oh, really? I’m so sorry, Faith. I thought you guys made a nice couple.” She gave me a hug.

“Thanks, it happened on Christmas Eve and it’s just been…really hard.”

Cara and I talked for a few more minutes before heading into the bar and getting ready for the New Year’s crowds. Brad was stocking the bar and gave me a weird look but didn’t say anything.

A few hours later, we were so busy that Bruno had to come from the back and help us pour drinks. During some down time, I took my break and checked my phone. I had a text from Mike:

               “We need to talk. Can you come by my place when you get off work?”

I sent him a text saying that I could but it would probably be really late since I had to close. I immediately felt my heart sink; I knew what was coming and just wanted to craw in a hole. Any other plans for New Year’s would have been better than making an appointment to be dumped by my boyfriend after the busiest shift of the year. My break was almost over and the bar was crazy so I couldn’t wallow in self-pity for too long.

Cara was supposed to help us close but she slipped and fell in the stockroom and Bruno took her to the ER (she’s okay, it’s just an ankle sprain) which meant Brad and I were on our own for closing. Once last call was announced, people started filtering out and I started wiping down tables while Brad collected glasses.

It took us forever to clean the bar, let alone put everything away in the stockroom. I thought we’d never get done. We were both in the stockroom, finishing up inventory, when I got done I went to leave but Brad stopped me.

“Faith? I heard you and Cara talking about what happened with you and Mike. I’m sorry. I know you know Angel and I broke up awhile ago…”

“Thanks, I’m sorry, too.” I said sadly. I started crying, it was all too much.

Brad pulled me in for a hug and we just stood in the stockroom and held each other. But then Brad was kissing me. I pulled away, angry, and slapped him.

“What the HELL, Brad!?”

“What!? This is prefect, Faith. We’re both single now. We can get back together.”

He put his hands on my hips and pulled me to him. I didn’t know what to say. I suddenly realized that Brad had been waiting for me…and I felt terrible about it.

“Brad, we were never together. Not in the way you wanted to be. We went out on one date and it ended very badly.”

“Yeah, because of me. But I forgive you for that. I don’t care about what happened before.”

I pulled away from him again.

“But I do…Mike and I haven’t even officially broken up yet. I’m supposed to go meet him now.”

“Come on, Faith, you guys are over! He doesn’t deserve you!”

“How dare you! You know nothing about my relationship! Maybe he wants to get back together!”

“Oh, please! Like he’s going to take you back? He doesn’t think you’re special.”

I was hurt but what’s even worse is that Brad was echoing all of the doubts I’d been having since Christmas Eve. He put his hand on my face but I turned away from him.

“So, you thought that, what? I’d realize my mistake by dating him and go out with YOU?” I said angrily.

“There was a time when you did want to go out with me! I’m the one that called that off!”

“Yeah, I dodged a bullet there!” I yelled.

Brad and I stared at each other, we were both angry. And then somehow we were kissing. He pushed me up against the metal stock room door and pulled my shirt down so he could suck on and play with my nipples. He roughly tugged my skirt up around my waist and put his hand under my thong between my legs. I started moving my hips and pushed his leather jacket off before undoing his belt. I slipped my hand down into his boxers and started stroking him. He was rock hard in just a few seconds. Then things took a much rougher turn.

I undid his pants and he spun me around and pushed me up against the door again. He, literally, ripped off my thong and put it in his pocket before entering me from behind. He was thrusting very hard, my breasts were being rammed into the cold, metal door and he was pulling my hair. I’ve never had sex that was so violent before, but I liked it. His hands moved down and gripped my thighs, his fingers digging into my skin to hold me while he thrust his hips forward. After a few minutes he finished and slowly let go of me. He slipped out of me and put his hands on either side of me against the door. I slowly turned around and looked at him. We were out of breath. He moved one of his hands to my face and kissed me again. When he pulled away we both started laughing.

He pulled his pants up and I moved my skirt down and readjusted my shirt.

“Don’t forget your jacket.” I said awkwardly.

I left quickly after that and walked toward the bus. I sent Mike a text:

“Can we meet later tomorrow, I’m really tired from work.”

He was okay with it but I felt bad about lying. I could have gone over to Mike’s apartment and listened to him while he dumped me just to get it over with but I didn’t want to do that with the smell of Brad and sweaty bar sex coming off of me. I got home and immediately took a shower. I had a really hard time sleeping. The guilt from sleeping with Brad was overwhelming. Not only was it stupid of me to have slept with him while Mike and I weren’t officially broken up (but we ARE on a break so is it really cheating? I don’t know) but I’ve basically lead him on to believe that us being a couple is a possibility…again.

It’s amazing how I keep getting myself into these situations over and over again. Mike and I are meeting at a coffee shop in an hour and I am not looking forward to being dumped in public.