I blinked at him after he said it and opened my mouth but
nothing came out. He kept looking at me expectantly and a long silence
stretched between us.
“I love you too.” I squeaked out.
It was a lie but Brad was looking at me as if he expected me
to say it back and what was I supposed to do? Explain to him that I didn’t love
him right before I was about to run a show? He was at my workplace and I think
we can all agree that Brad would NOT have taken that well and would have made a
scene or at least argued with me about it until I was too worn down to fight
him any longer and just said it to get him to leave me alone.
I told Molly about what happened a few days later (she was
out of town for a design conference).
“Wow.” She said.
“Is that all you have to say?” I asked anxiously.
“I’m not going to lie, Faith. This is bad. REALLY bad.”
“Do you think I should end it?” I asked.
“Well, have you figured out if you have feelings for him or
not?”
“No.”
“I have nothing to say, then.”
“What? Why!?”
“Because, Faith. You’re an adult. I’m not going to make your
decisions for you and neither should Brad. This is something YOU have to figure
out for yourself. I can’t do it for you. You aren’t going to be able to please
everyone all the time. So you need to prioritize who you want to make happy
first. I recommend you start with yourself.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry, but you needed to hear it.”
I sighed. Dr. Sheehan
had brought my need to please others up before in therapy and hearing Molly
echo it made me feel like I hadn’t made any progress with that at all. I felt
like I had. I had communicated things to Mike that were uncomfortable until I
avoided telling him about sleeping with Brad. Then, I guess, I regressed in
that regard.
I really don’t know how I feel about Brad and it doesn’t
seem to be getting any clearer with time, either. Maybe that’s because I still
have feelings for Mike. Maybe that’s because of how Brad and I ended up
together. Maybe it’s because of something else. But I’ve made a deal with
myself that if I haven’t made a decision about my feelings by the end of May, I’m
going to end it because Brad doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with
someone who isn’t unequivocally in love with him. But I also feel I deserve to
let myself have the possibility of getting there with him and I’m not there yet,
so I need more time.
Shes a tool.
ReplyDeleteThat's all i got. Great blog del.. Seriously. Your killing me with all of this... Great read but i cant wait til she gets her head out of her ass lol. Great writing!
Ditto, KBear...DITTO! mum
ReplyDeleteShe told him she loved him back to avoid a scene?? Seriously? I just don't understand what she's doing.
ReplyDeleteI am not on the faith bandwagon anymore :(
ReplyDeleteThere is no defending what she did. She is very immature. I hope she ends up with Brad. I think Mike is way to good for her at this point.
I guess Faith thinks she's buying herself some time to figure out a few (a LOT) of things. She's taking a pretty hefty gamble - no question; they could BOTH wind up pretty damaged from this "plan." Faith either knows more about herself subconsciously than it's appearing at this point, or she's even more messed-up (and selfish) than her recent shenanigans would indicate. Dealer's choice...(this is where I put my vote in for Faith to somehow redeem herself by turning this mess around without hurting Brad or herself). I'm a sucker for happy "endings," in whatever form that result can be finagled. Maybe misguided Brad can actually turn out to be smarter and more intuitive (admittedly, he'd have to be a LOT "smarter and more intuitive") than we've seen so far. However these 2 clueless souls can come out in one piece sounds great to me. If anyone can somehow pull it off, though, our talented author sure can.
ReplyDeleteRiveting; great job, Del.
End of MAY?! We have to endure 6 more weeks of this nonsense???? Cut the cord! You aren't confused, you're just not into him! Feelings are only confusing if you are trying to force them to be there when they aren't.
ReplyDeleteThis chick is just stupid. OMG!
ReplyDeleteI think it's interesting how many people ended up hating Faith in this particular plot point.
ReplyDeleteBrad went to her WORK and then did something that I'm betting he knew wouldn't be well-received specifically because he knew she'd be less likely to fight him on it. What was she supposed to do? Have an enormous fight with Brad in front of her co-workers, theater-goers, and right before the show?
Are we just going to ignore that that would've happened if Faith didn't say it back?
It's obvious Faith really cares about her stage manager job and that Brad doesn't see it the same way (based on his flippant attitude about it in one of the previous posts). So I can TOTALLY see why he'd go to her job, which he doesn't respect but knows she cares deeply about, and then put her in an uncomfortable position that would either force her to please him or possibly end up sabotaging her job by her acting disrespectful after he threw a tantrum about her not saying it back.
Why does no one else see how manipulative this guy is?
** I meant to say "...sabotaging her job by causing her to seem unprofessional after he threw a tantrum..."
DeleteYou make a good point about the possibility of Brad deliberately going to her work with the express purpose in mind of cornering her. But, I didn't read it that way initially, and I still think him showing up with a picnic basket of food and a peace-extending attitude could just be his way of apologizing for upsetting her. It could go either way, no doubt. Some people on here feel that Brad's just not smart enough for a power-play like that...while comments like this one (above) propose that he's dumb-like-a-fox, and yanking Faith's chain. I'd say, though, by all appearances, Faith is doing quite a bit of her OWN manipulating. And, her excuse of being so "worn down" regarding the decisions she makes with Brad isn't exactly credible to me, either. I believe that if Faith REALLY wants out of this "relationship" with Brad, she has ample ability to do just that - and has from the very start. That's just how I read her character.
DeleteI would be more inclined to believe it was a peace-offering if he hadn't already done this stuff before. He's already showed up at her job, unannounced, pretending to have a peace-offering (the flowers) and we all know he had a different agenda than just wanting to apologize to Faith like he claimed during THAT unannounced visit.
DeleteI think he knows exactly what he is doing and it's not as innocent as Faith thinks it is.
I've said from the get-go that he is manipulating. Faith thinks she is in charge and running the show. I totally disagree. He is a sly devil. He preys on her weaknesses. Puts her in situations where there is only one way out. He makes me very nervous. When she tries to pull the plug on the relationship, it is going to be ugly. And not tears ugly. RAGE ugly. I'm almost scared for her. That's why i said a few posts ago, I'm wondering if Mike will end up being a hero. mum
ReplyDeleteThat sure would be a nail-biting plot twist (Brad turning on Faith after she breaks things off with him for good, then Mike coming to her rescue). Somebody has to be the fall guy here (I guess?), and Brad would be a very convenient choice, especially given the direction his character has taken lately. I don't want to read about Faith getting brutalized, terrorized, or violated, though; not my cup of tea.
ReplyDeleteWhat bothers me about that direction for the story (besides the above), is that it will - per usual - make Faith the eternal victim. A lot of the negative things she went through in the first year or two of the story weren't anything that she helped contribute to through her own actions. Like, Kevin, for instance: Faith didn't play any games with him, use him, ignore red-flags warning her of anything creepy about him, etc. There's been other things also that she really had no control over, so it was easy to understand and sympathize with her actions. But, for a long time now she's been on such a bender of hurting herself and others (somewhere around the time when it started going bad with Sean). Her character reverts to such a self-absorbed, destructive mode whenever she's unhappy and in distress. The worst part is that she refuses to take responsibility for *her own* actions, and the consequences they bring about, always repeating the pattern.
So, while it's undoubtedly true that Brad should have backed off at the beginning when she first rebuffed him, Faith totally smoked her credibility by turning right around and doing the complete opposite of what she'd said she wanted. It didn't even take more than 1 short argument in each instance, either. It's like the boy crying wolf: I don't want you, I do want you, I don't want you, I do think I'll sleep with you and fall into a bizarre relationship with you, I hate you, I love you, etc. Faith did that with Sean, also. That kind of behavior would give anyone false hope, let alone a guy with Brad's recent tendencies. If she really doesn't want to be with him, her actions have only reinforced his belief that she actually does. Plus, Faith has said (to us and her friends), that she's really not sure HOW she feels about Brad, and maybe there could be a chance for them. So, he's no doubt picking up on her indecision also, and interpreting it as a validation of what he believes.
I don't think it would be realistic to have Faith's mess all tied up in a neat bow after she's been so scheming and calculating with this guy (schmuck or not), using him for her own purposes, all while questioning what her true feelings are for him. If Brad's being "manipulative" with his pushy ways, then Faith's very guilty of this as well, whether or not she's aware of some of his tactics. And, I DO think she's on to those, anyway; she seems to know that *he* knows her workplace isn't the place for a big fight (that's a given; most people wouldn't pick their place of employment to air their personal problems). I just want Faith to get *herself* out of this (without the need for a "hero" to save her), and I want to see some of her former kindness and practical good sense prevail here, rather than all these silly games, excuses, blaming others, fake-helplessness, etc. Everybody's gone through hard times, but you can't use that as an excuse forever.