Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Author's Note

Hello friends!

I just wanted to let you all know that I'll start posting again after January 5th.


Saturday, December 19, 2009

Starry Nights

Right after I posted my last post I heard a commotion in the street outside my window. I got up to look outside and it was just a homeless man that had fallen into the trash bins. I closed my curtains and before I could go get into my bed, someone was screaming my name. I opened the curtains again and realized that the homeless man was actually a very, very, drunk Kevin. He was being very loud and it was getting pretty late so I opened my window.

“What are you doing? Will you be quiet, please?” I hissed at him.
I jus’ need tuh talk tuh you,” he slurred, “I’m leaving her, it’s gon’ be over, Fai’.”

“That’s great…for you. Go home Kevin. Now.”

“But, I luhve yoo!” He was getting louder and I was becoming more and more tempted to call the police, “I need you!”

“You need to go home now, Kevin, we’ll talk about this on Monday, okay?”

I closed my window and the curtains and turned off the lights in my apartment. I crawled under my covers and heard Kevin fall into the trashcans again, get up, and leave. I really didn’t like seeing this side of Kevin. I’m sure he’ll apologize profusely but I’m not entirely sure that he actually meant what he said about leaving Hannah. We’ll see what happens on Monday.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Winter Wonder

We had our holiday party tonight and it went very well. Our annual holiday party is a pretty big deal, we invite all of our advertisers and sponsors, the board of directors, and employee family members for fancy finger food, an open bar, and dancing. The office we work from isn’t big enough so we usually rent out a hotel ball or conference room. My HR team and I plan this for weeks in advance and everyone really loves it. This year we were able to rent the ballroom for half price because we’re such frequent customers and they even decorated it for us. After making all of the arrangements I was ready to party!

I walked into the party absolutely mesmerized! It was decked out with lights and snowflakes hanging from the ceiling and everyone was dressed so nicely. I was wearing a dark green cocktail dress with white tulle underneath the skirt, the top part was a corset-fit type thing wih dark green velvet for the trim. I topped it off with some white stilettos and a snowflake necklace with matching earrings and bracelet. I saw Suzy and Dina standing near the bar and made my way over.

“Hello ladies, having fun?”

“This is such a great party, Faith, you guys in HR really outdid yourselves this year,” Dina said as she handed me a glass of wine and a snowman shaped white chocolate raspberry cheesecake bite (YUM!).

“Did you know the DJ is single?” Suzy said winking and nudging her head in his direction.

“Uh…no, hey where’s Mike, Dina?”

“Oh, he couldn’t come, all of the blizzards re-directed everything and they called him in to work overtime because of the crazy flight schedules.” Dina’s husband is an airline pilot and when his flying restrictions ground him he works in the control towers. He usually has to work after bouts of bad weather but the overtime pay is what paid off their townhouse, or so Dina tells me.

We got to talking with some other co-workers (Suzy was hitting on the DJ) when I saw Kevin walk in. I quietly excused myself, got another glass of wine, and went over to greet him. I stopped cold. He brought someone with him. She had honey blonde hair, a super-model’s physique, and a giant diamond on a very important finger. I composed myself and continued to walk over.

“Hey Kevin, thought I’d say hello,” I awkwardly waved and tried to smile.

“Happy Holidays, Faith. I’d like to introduce you to my fiancée, Hannah.” Kevin took her by the hand and moved her forward, she moved with such grace and I felt so frumpy next to her. She was wearing black tights with a pure white satin bubble cocktail dress and black oxford booties.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said, not returning my smile. She noticed the bar and left Kevin and I alone to talk.

“Faith, I can tell that you’re a little thrown off. I think we should talk.”

“I’m fine, I just realized that I’m supposed to pick a friend up at the airport and I’m late. I’ll…see you at work.” I dashed out of the ball room and pulled my black pea coat from the hanger. I was putting it on while running down the stairs but Kevin caught me before I could reach the exit.

“Faith wait! I have to say something,” Kevin grabbed my arm and kept me from leaving.

“Please just let me go,” tears started to fill my eyes and I felt so dumb for thinking Kevin would ever leave his super hot fiancée, “I need to leave before I make a complete ass of myself.” I stopped struggling and looked at his eyes, they were full of sadness.

Kevin wiped a tear away and then kissed me, gently at first, and then urgently. I kissed him back just as fervetly but then I realized what I was doing and pulled away. I left as fast as possible. I didn’t look back once even though he was calling my name.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Things at work have been going well. Kevin and I have been able to be in the same room together and not have any awkward tension. He was actually starting to feel like a real co-worker and not a dude with a fiancée that I made out with. But I went to his office today to pick up his quarterly employee reviews, which were due.

“Knock, knock,” I said popping my head in his office, “I’m here to pick up your employee reviews.”

He was on the phone and gave me the "one minute" hand signal, it sounded like he wasn’t very happy with the person on the other end. When he hung up, he sighed and went to reach for his file cabinet.

“Is now a bad time? I can come back later…” I said inching away.

“Uh, no, I’ve got them right here,” he handed me the reviews and then wrote something down in his planner. I left his office and started counting the slips of paper, I came up one slip too many and had to go back to Kevin’s office. He was sitting in his chair with its back to the door, before I could knock he started angrily talking into the phone.

“No! No! I can’t do that today, Hannah,” He was talking to his fiancée, “Yeah, well why can’t you pick it up, it’s just a pie! And it’s for your mom!” Kevin started getting louder and I was trying to figure out a good way to get away from his office without making a lot of noise, “Why are you being so difficult? I have to work late, I told you that, by the time I leave from here the bakery will be closed anyway. No! Why is that always your assumption? This has nothing to do with the wedding,” there was a long pause and Kevin sighed deeply, “Go ahead and call it off then.”

I dropped the stack of papers I was holding and Kevin swung his chair around. He had a look of utter shock and confusion and hung up the phone. I bent down to pick up the reviews and started rambling.

“There was an extra one, I was just trying to- I didn’t mean to overhear. I was just- I should leave, we can talk about this later. I’m sorry I-“

“You don’t need to apologize. Let me help you.” Kevin knelt down and started picking up the papers. I picked one up and realized it was my employee review.

“Oh, you can’t give this to me, it needs to be given to one of the other HR reps to remain confidential. This must have been the extra one.” I handed it to Kevin and finished collecting the papers. He stood up, put it on his desk, and asked me to close the door when I left. I went to leave, stopped, and turned around.

“I really didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine, I know you didn’t. I just need to do some work now.”

I quietly closed the door and quickly walked to my office. If Kevin and his fiancée called off the wedding, that could mean we might be able to try out a relationship or something. The dreams I’d been having about Kevin increased after Dean dumped me and they were getting more intense. They weren’t just sexy dreams anymore, they were dreams of me bringing him to meet my parents and other major relationship milestones. Would it be wrong for me to get together with Kevin if the choice was available? I mean he was willing, and for all I know, he did cheat on his fiancée, what would keep him from doing that to me? I mean, I think I want to be with him, but I don’t know if I’d ever be able to trust him knowing that he tried to cheat (and possibly did) on Hannah.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Let's do Brunch

I laid around in my apartment in a fog and went to work unresponsive for the better part of this week. It got to the point that Zoey was practically tearing down my door to knock some sense into me by the time the weekend rolled around. I went to open the door in sweatpants with my hair a complete mess and food stains on my shirt.

“Dear God,” Zoey looked around my apartment at the take out laying on my coffee table, the empty ice cream pints on my end table, and the multiple pizza boxes laying on my dining room table, “Puts some pants on we’re going to brunch.”

“I don’t really want to go anywhere right now,” I said being whineier than I intended.

“Well you might not, but I can’t be in this pigsty for longer than ten minutes, get going.”

I ran a brush through my hair and put it up in a messy bun, changed into some jeans and put a clean shirt on, and topped it off with some ballet flats and my black pea coat. We started walking to the café around the corner and I realized just how cold it was outside without any real shoes on. By the time we got to the café I was shivering and snow had started to fall. When we were seated I ordered a hot chocolate and a fruit plate and Zoey ordered a coffee and an cheese omelet.

“Faith, you have got to snap out of it. You’ve been like this for a whole week, it’s time to begin the moving on process, okay?”

I looked at Zoey and sighed, “I know, I just…I really liked him. And… a PRIEST!?” I started making a scene and Zoey put her face in her hands shaking her head. I was embarrassed and got a lot of dirty looks from the people sitting around us. “It’s just…lately, all the men I’ve had chances with have lied to me….don’t I deserve to be told the truth upfront? I don’t understand what kind of signal I’m sending to men that makes them think it’s okay to lie to me.”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic,” I looked up from my fruit plate and gave Zoey a dirty look, “Yes, Kevin and Dean lied to you, but they aren’t the representation of all men, you’ll get back on the saddle and find a great new guy to have sinful sex with.” Zoey winked, smiled, and sipped her coffee.

When Zoey finally let me go back home (we went Christmas shopping afterward, which cheered me up a little) I thought about what she said and decided to forget about Dean and Kevin. Zoey was right, there’s plenty of honest guys out there and I’ll find one eventually.

But seriously….a PRIEST!?

Friday, December 11, 2009

Holy Cow

Dean and I were laying in bed after a particularly steamy sack session when he started playing with my hair.

“Faith, I need to be honest with you about something.”

I warily looked at him and tried to figure out what was coming.

“I don’t think we can see each other anymore.”

I pulled away and looked at him shocked, “I thought things were going really well between us. Is there something going on? I mean I thought- I enjoy spending time with you.”

“Faith, I like you a lot and I really do want to be with you, but I just can’t.”

“Why, I want to be with you too, why isn’t that enough?”

“I don’t really want to talk about why we can’t be together. We just can’t.”

I started getting angry, “I deserve an explanation!”

Dean sighed and looked really tired, like he’d been struggling with his decision for awhile, “Faith, I’m going to become a priest. I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you’d freak out about it.”

I stared at him in disbelief, “A priest!? How is that even possible? You’ve just made sure that I’m going to Hell!” I screamed as I wrapped myself as tightly as I could in my sheets and tumbled out of bed and away from him.

“Faith it’s not like that. I take a celibacy vow when I enter the seminary next week, you’ve done nothing wrong. I just…I found my calling…”

“I need you to leave…immediately. I can’t really look at you right now so I’m going to go into my bathroom and close the door, when I come back out you need to be gone.”

I stumbled into my bathroom trapped in my sheets and slammed the door. I didn’t move from my bathroom for about 30 minutes and when I finally came out any trace of Dean had disappeared from my apartment. I crawled into bed and started crying.


Anna invited us all to her house for Thanksgiving this year and it was wonderful. She’s the best cook ever and I ate my weight in turkey, mashed potatoes, and all the other fixings. When dinner was over, Elise, Zoey, and I offered to clean the dishes. Anna joined us in the kitchen while Theo and his two brothers watched football in the other room.

“I have some news,” Anna said when we finished the dishes, “I’m pregnant!”

We gave our congratulations to her and covered her in hugs and kisses. “I’m about 4 weeks along and have really bad morning sickness, but it’s going to be so worth it when this baby comes.”

Anna took a test last week that came out positive but wanted to double check at the doctor’s office before she told anyone. She told Theo last night who was very excited and bought all sorts of baby books right after she broke the news.

I’m really happy for Anna and Theo, they’re going to be great parents and Anna has wanted to be a mom for so long. When I got home I started thinking about how much my life has changed since I was in college. I live in my very own apartment, which I can honestly say I never really imagined happening, my friends are married and having babies, I have a career that I love, my family members are all healthy and happy, and I'm dating a guy who's perfect for me. It truly was a great Thanksgiving because I have so much to be thankful for and I’m so grateful for all of it.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Deadly Sins

I had to stay late for work the day before Thanksgiving which put my holiday plans kind of behind. As I went to clear off my desk and grab my coat I felt someone behind me, thinking it was Dean who was coming to pick me up for dinner. Dean wrapped his arms around me from behind and started kissing my neck and slipping off my coat.

“We can't….not at my job,” I whispered. I turn around to start kissing Dean when I realized it was actually Kevin, “What are you doing!?”

“Getting what I want, you know you want this too, just let it happen.” Kevin inched my skirt up and sat me on top of my desk.

“My boyfriend is coming here to pick me up,” I said in between kissing him and straddling my legs around him. I lost all decision making skills and before I knew it his pants were unzipped, my shirt was open, and my desk was a total mess.

When we were done and I was putting my clothes back on Kevin said, “I left my fiancée.”

I stood there speechless and unsure of what to do, that's when I woke up panting really hard and unsure of what my dream meant. Part of me felt like I had just cheated on Dean through my subconscious and I had a wave of guilt engulf me. The next morning I met with Elise and Zoey for breakfast and told them about my dream.

“Hey, it's cool we all have those kinds of dreams,” Elise said drinking a glass of juice.

“Seriously, it's not that big of a deal, it doesn't mean anything,” Zoey reached across the table for some pepper to put on her scrambled eggs and looked at me with confusion.

Apparently my friends thought I was crazy. “What if it means I actually want to be with Kevin? That makes me a home wrecker and I really would like to avoid being one of those. Of all the goals I’ve set for myself that was never one of them.”

“Well, do you want o be with Kevin?” Zoey looked at me pointedly and took a bite of toast.

“I don't know anymore, if you'd have asked last week I would have said, 'definitely not,' but now…”

“Look, why don't you just have sex with Kevin.” Zoey and I both looked at Elise awestruck, “What? Just have some great sex, get it over with and then you can go back to Dean. You'll probably stop thinking about Kevin after you have hot steamy sex with him, it's pretty much a done deal. You only want him because he's hot. I mean, we know he's a jerk and is willing to cheat on someone he proposed to, so those qualities make him unattractive but you still want to jump his bones, so it must be lust.”

Zoey turned her head to me and said, “She has a point."

“What? You agree that I should cheat on Dean?”

“No, I agree that you are lusting after Kevin. I mean, what other redeeming characteristics does this dude have?”

“Well he has beautiful blue eyes and thick brown hair. He has a great smile and we have a lot in common. He's a great kisser...”

Zoey stopped me and pointed out that the majority of my list made up physical traits.
“You're right; I'm just lusting after him because I can't have him. I can totally get over that, it should be simple.” I grabbed a bagel and started to dig in while Zoey and Elise exchanged credulous looks, I decided to ignore them. This was going to be simple. Right?


Dean came by to pick me up at work today. We had planned to meet for lunch before he disappeared to spend Thanksgiving with his family and I spent it with my girls. We decided that including me into Thanksgiving would be too soon for our relationship and honestly, I was so relieved by not having to meet his family yet. Moms tend to dislike me.

Anyway Dean arrived while I was finishing up a job interview and waited outside. As I said goodbye to the potential employee I grabbed my coat and we went to a sandwich shop down the street. It was a really nice lunch and I was disappointed to have to go back to work. Dean insisted on walking me back to my office. I thanked him and gave him a kiss before he left. When I went to sit at my desk, Kevin walked in.

“Who was that?” He said trying to be nonchalant.

“That was Dean, my boyfriend, did you need something?”

Kevin looked disappointed and turned red, he looked at his shoes and mumbled, “I need some more evaluation sheets.”

I got up and moved to a file cabinet and opened the bottom drawer to get more evaluation sheets. When I stood up and turned around I had a feeling Kevin was looking at my ass. I cocked my head and said, “How many evaluations have you completed?”

“About half.”

“These should be enough.” I handed him the pink evaluation sheets and went to sit back at my desk. Kevin was lingering in my office so I offered him a chair which he took.

“What do you really want, Kevin? I’m trying to work.”

“Faith, I just wanted to apologize again…about…you know.” Kevin really did look sorry and I felt bad for being so cold to him.

“Look, Kevin, I don’t agree with your actions and I think cheating on someone is the lowest thing you can do in a relationship, but I don’t want you to have to tip-toe around me. I’m a big girl and I’ve moved on, my job requires that we work together and I like my job so I’m committed to doing that, but nothing more.”

Kevin nodded his head, sighed and left my office. I don’t really know what to think of that but I know that the possibility Kevin and I ever had available is gone and I’m okay with it now. Dean is great and I’m happier when I’m with him. I barely think of Kevin in a romantic way now and it feels good to be over him and be fully committed to Dean. Hopefully this will be the last time Kevin and I need to talk about the whole fiancée situation.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Author's Note

Hey friends!

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. I'm in college and about to go into finals week so I've been attacking a stack of papers and final assignments amidst Thanksgiving comas and a head cold. I promise that once next week comes around I'll post again.

Also, this blog was originally created for one of my classes this semester as an assignment and at the beginning I wasn't sure that I was going to continue it after my class ended, but I think I've decided to continue it. I enjoy writing and this will be a good outlet for me.

Again, I apologize whole-heartedly for the delay in posts and hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and soon to be Holiday season.