Looking Back

I had my last day at Bruno’s and I’m really going to miss that place. I know I complained about it a lot but the truth of the matter is that it was a place that provided stability while I was making a huge career transition and I had a lot of good experiences while working there.

I said good-bye to Cara and my regulars and walked out after closing for the last time. There was also a sense of closure when it came to Brad. He was connected to Bruno’s and always would be but leaving there cut the last string I had connected to him. He no longer knows where I live or work and I’d blocked his phone number and e-mails long ago. He has no way to contact me at all which fits in nicely with my plan for a clean slate in 2014 (especially considering how toxic 2013 was and how Brad was the person that kicked it off with me).

Brad's a Bust

The show finally closed but Ed has not offered me another job like I thought he would.

Disappearing Act

Because I have been working on the holiday show with the theatre, I haven’t been working nights at the bar with exceptions for New Year’s and other extremely high volume-expected times. As such, I’ve been working days, which means I haven’t seen Brad since New Year’s Eve; I’ve also been ignoring all of his texts and phone calls since then, too. So, now that the holiday show is over, I’m back on nights and was expecting a whole lot of awkwardness coming from Brad’s direction when I walked in to work last night.

But he wasn’t there.                                        

I clocked in and got settled with Cara. She was pouring drinks tonight, instead of being a bar back like usual.

“Are you filling in for Brad?” I asked her.

“Didn’t Bruno tell you?” She asked.

“Did Bruno tell me what?”

“I’ve been promoted to bartender.”

“Oh, that’s awesome, Cara!”

“Bruno said he wants to see you after you get settled.” She said serving a beer to a regular.

I went to the back room where Bruno always hung out with his favorite customers.

“Bruno, you wanted to see me?”

“Yeah, Faith, let’s go to the office.”

I followed him back through the kitchen to a rickety staircase. Once we got to the landing, I followed him down a damp-smelling hallway until we reached his office. He offered me a seat in front of an old antique desk covered with papers.

“The situation going on with Brad is just unacceptable. I want to know what you think about it.”

I broke out in a cold sweat. Did Brad tell Bruno that we had sex in the stockroom? Was Bruno about to fire me? Is that why Brad wasn’t there? Had he been fired? I started panicking internally but decided to play dumb.

“What situation? Does it have to do with why he’s not here right now?”

Bruno gave me a confused look.

“You don’t know…? Faith, Brad quit five days ago. He didn’t even give me two weeks’ notice.”

I sat there shocked. My stomach dropped. I was both relieved about not being fired but also felt responsible for Brad leaving.

“I made Cara a bartender but I need you to take Brad’s place as the head bartender.”

“What!? Bruno, I’m in no way trained for that.”

“I’ll pay to get you trained at a school or something, okay, but I can’t run this place without a head bartender, you know that. And you’re the best person I’ve got for the job. I’ll pay you more.”

 I sighed.

“It’s not about the money. What about my other job? You know I need the flexibility of working days and nights when I work on shows. The head bartender works the busiest shifts, which are always at night. I can’t do that AND stage manage shows that are opened.”

Bruno sat back in his chair, deep in thought. His chair made loud creaky sounds as he rocked back and forth.

“What if it’s just temporary?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll make you the head bartender for 3 weeks…a month tops, just until I can find someone else. I’ll pay you double time.”

I thought about it. A month wouldn’t be too bad. Most rehearsal periods last that long so if Ed picked me up for the next show, there shouldn’t be a conflict since I can work nights during the rehearsal period, but not when the show is open and having performances at night.

“Okay.” I said.

We shook hands and I left the office. When I got back to the bar, we had a lot of customers so I started pouring drinks as fast as possible. Eventually, Cara and I got caught up and had some down time.

“So, what did Bruno want?” She asked.

“He wanted to promote me to head bartender.”

“That’s awesome, Faith!”

“I didn’t take it.” I said.

Cara’s face fell.

“It’s just going to be temporary until he can find someone else.”

“Oh.” She said.

“It just wouldn’t work with my stage managing.” I said.

Cara nodded in agreement.

“So…what happened with Brad?” I asked her.

“I have no idea.” She said, “He just…left. He said he didn’t need the bar anymore or anyone here. It was…it came out of nowhere. He seemed happier than usual for the past few weeks but a few days before he quit he seemed really angry and upset all the time. He must have had some personal stuff going on.”

“Yeah, I guess. Do you know what he’s doing now?”

“I think he’s working as a manager at some record store his friend owns. He’s talked about it before as a back-up plan if the bar ever went under.”

“Wow.” I said. I was pretty sure Brad’s departure had EVERYTHING to do with what happened between us but I didn’t want Cara to find out about that.

“So how are you and Mike?” Cara changed the subject and I was thankful.

“We’re fully back together and things are going well. I’m meeting him tomorrow to see a movie. You and Liam can come, if you want.”

“Oh, I’d love to, but Liam’s parents are in town and we’re going out to dinner tomorrow.”

When I got home after my shift, I felt insurmountably guilty. I felt guilty because I’m the reason Brad left and I feel guilty because I still don’t know if I should tell Mike about what happened. The longer I wait to tell him, the worse it will be, I think, but if I never tell him I’ll feel like I’ll be lying to him. I hate this.

Up In Flames Part I

Haven’t written in awhile, I’ll get to why in a second.

About two weeks ago I was at work. I had decided to dress a little more…liberally, than I had been ever since I made so much money in tips the night Brad and I made out in the storage room. I was wearing a tight-fitting white v-neck t-shirt, tight blue jeans, and sensible 2-inch black heels with a wide base and heel. My hair was up in a high pony tail and I was wearing a simple silver chain around my neck and a matching bracelet. And yes, the girls were out and looking good in that v-neck. I’ve been making a lot of money in tips ever since I started wearing a more strategic wardrobe, not enough to stay in my apartment (I have one more month on my lease and I keep avoiding the landlord’s office to tell them I’m not renewing, mostly because I still haven’t found a suitable apartment) but enough to make my very rapidly depleting savings not be depleted so quickly.

It was a Monday and we’d had an unusually busy night due to it being spring break for the college near the bar. I didn’t make as much money in tips as I’ve normally been getting because college kids are broke and don’t tip a whole lot, if they tip at all, that is. It’s seriously ridiculous. In college, I worked as a waitress at a diner and being stiffed on a tip always ruined my night (I was the best waitress ever so I know it wasn’t because of the service, some people are just assholes) and you’d think some of these college kids also work as wait staff or something so they’d know how important it is to tip, but it’s very common for us not to get any tips from college students at all. Part of me wishes Bruno would just include gratuities in the price of the drinks we sell and let us all split whatever it ends up being at the end of the night. Brad and I were talking about this in the stockroom while we were closing up. Cara had gone home because she wasn’t feeling well (she’s been sick all week, I think she has the flu) so it was just us.

“I had a kid rack up nearly 200 bucks on a bar tab tonight for him and his friends and none of them tipped.” Brad said kicking an empty crate.

“Oh, I know. That smarmy little jerk wouldn’t leave Cara alone, either.”

“I saw him eyeing you, too.”

“Let him look, I don’t care, but it was obvious Cara wasn’t interested and he wouldn’t back off. Plus, he wasn’t eyeing me enough to pay for a damn tip.”

“I hate college kids.”

“Me, too.” I said grumpily.

It had been a long night and both of us weren’t in the best of moods. I went to get my black cropped jacket and purse from my locker near the clock out station. Brad followed behind me while he put his leather jacket on.

“I’ll walk you to your bus stop.” He said, “It’s late and there are a bunch of drunk college kids roaming the streets.”

“Brad, you take the same bus as me, just in the opposite direction.”

“So?”

I laughed and shook my head before exiting through the back door of the bar into the alley on the side of the building. Brad locked it up quickly and we headed to the bus stop a block away.

“I’m tired.” He said.

“Me, too.” I yawned.

We sat on the bench in the glass and metal covered bust stop area. Brad’s bus came and stopped across the street but he didn’t leave to get on it.

“You don’t have to make sure I get on my bus.” I said with my hands in my jacket pocket. It was unusually cold and I was chilly.

“It’s okay.” He said.

I got up to pace and try to get warm.

“What are you doing?” He laughed.

“I’m freezing!” I said through chattering teeth.

“You’re such a baby.” He said, “It’s, like, 50 degrees out.”

“Is that why I can see my breath when I talk? And you’re sitting there shivering.” I pointed out.

Brad stood up, opened up his jacket and engulfed me in it.

“Thank you.” I said. It was muffled by my face being in his chest.

He looked down at me, said, “you’re welcome”, and then I kissed him. My bus pulled up about a minute later and made a loud gush of air as it stopped that startled me from the kissing. Brad let me go from his jacket but I didn’t get on my bus. It left and we both stood there.

“That was your bus.” He said.

“I know.”

“Uh, you’re not on it.”

“I want to go home with you.” I said after a moment.

He smiled and engulfed me in his jacket again. Eventually his bus came and we both got on it after crossing the street . In about 20 minutes I found myself stumbling into his apartment while trying to take his jacket off. He smoothed mine off once his arms were free and I kicked my shoes off as he led me to his bedroom. He backed me into it and fell on top of me onto his bed. Both of us were shirtless and my jeans were unzipped. We were both laughing in between kisses and soft moans.

“We should use a-”

“I’m on it.” He said sliding me up so my head was on a pillow and reaching into a drawer on his nightstand. I wiggled my pants off and he handed me the small wrapper while he got his jeans off. I straddled him and teased him for awhile; playing with the band of his boxers, kissing down his abdomen, nibbling his jaw line. Finally I put the condom on him and he flipped me over so I was on my back, then he slowly took off my underwear, unhooked my bra and went for it. It was good. REALLY good. At one point he had both hands on the headboard for leverage. We were both loud and finished at the same time. He rolled off of me, panting.

“I thought I was tired when we locked up tonight, but I guess not.” He joked.

“Definitely not.” I said.

He started kissing me again and his hand moved to between my thighs. I started moaning and pulling him closer to me, he kissed me harder and moved his hand faster until I was done.

After a few minutes I said, “We probably shouldn’t have done this.”

“I don’t regret it.”

“Neither do I.” I said smiling. Sex with Brad was awesome.

I got dressed, said goodbye, and went home. Brad said I was welcome to spend the night, but I had a hungry cat to get home to and declined. He invited me to come over again and I said that I definitely would before leaving for the night.

The bus ride home took a lot longer than usual. About three stops away from my stop, there were a lot of fire trucks, police cars, and ambulances speeding by and the bus had to stop every time. Finally I got off at my stop and walked around the corner. I stood there in shock before my stomach dropped and I started running towards my violently burning apartment building.

Birthday Bash

Today was the twins’ birthday party! I can’t believe they are a year old already. It seems like this year has been such a whirlwind of a lot of bad stuff, but the twins’ birth was definitely a big, good thing that happened. I bought Weatherly a stuffed cat (it looks like Murphy) and I bought Andrew a stuffed panda, Zoey bought this set of blocks that you can play with in the bathtub and stick to the tile, and Molly made blankets for them.

I was helping Anna with the cake in the kitchen and she just looked so happy. I remember when she had her miscarriage and totally shut down and it’s like she’s a completely different person now. The birthday party was in the late afternoon so I had to leave early to get to work on time but I mingled before I left and update the girls on my job situation.

“Brad is pretty hot and he flirts with me but I think it’s just meaningless.” I said to Molly over fruit punch and chocolate cake.

“You should just have sex with him.” She said.

I nearly spit out my punch.

“Excuse me?”

“You totally should. You should just have a fling to finally get over all the bad. It’s a New Year, Faith, a clean slate. Bed that man.”

“You know, ever since you and Calvin stopped seeing each other you have been really, really horny.” I said with a smirk.

“Calvin was a GOD in bed, Faith, I can’t help that I miss his amazing pe-”

“What are you guys talking about?” Anna asked as she came around behind Molly.

“Calvin’s penis.” I said nonchalantly.

“Again?” Anna said flatly with an exasperated look to Molly.

“YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.” Molly joked.

“Maybe you should sleep with Brad.” I said.

“Ooooh, who’s Brad?” Zoey said coming from behind me.

“A co-worker Faith has the hots for.” Molly said.

“I do not.” I said quickly, “We just flirt. For fun. It’s nothing. Really.”

“I told her she should sleep with him.”

“She should.” Zoey said.

I started choking on my punch at that one.

“What!? Anna, is this punch spiked? Am I drunk? Are all of you drunk?”

“It’s non-alcoholic. You should totally sleep with him. It’s exactly what you need to get over the terrible year you’ve had.” Anna replied.

“Yeah, a clean slate.” Zoey said, “Go for it.”

“I work with him. No. Plus, the flirting is meaningless. It’s not meant to be a thing.” I said.

They all nodded like they knew better and then shooed me of before I was late for work. Because of the party, I didn’t have time to change before work so I was wearing a pair of tight, flared jeans and a black flowy top that showed off the girls pretty nicely. My hair was dark and wavy and I was wearing a pair of black heels.

“Whoa. Looking good, Faith.” Cara said as I clocked in.

“Oh, thanks, I had a thing before this so-”

“Have Mercy.” Brad said as he came around the corner.

“Okay, Uncle Jesse. What is this? Full House?”

Cara started giggling and Brad went to the stockroom.

“You SO like him.” She giggled.

“I do not. It’s just harmless flirting.”

“Right.” Cara said and walked back to help Brad in the stock room.

I got a lot more tips than I normally do, probably because of what I was wearing, so I was in a really good mood. Brad and I were serving drinks and flirting back and forth while Cara giggled every time I said anything. We were busy tonight because of the weekend so Cara stayed until we closed. She was mopping behind the bar when I went to put some empty boxes in the store room. Brad came in with a bunch of crates from the kitchen and we were alone in the stock room with the door closed.

“You got a lot of tips tonight. You should buy me a drink.” He winked.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked.

“Okay.” He said confused.

“The flirting is just…for fun, right?”

“What do you mean?” He crossed his arms and looked at me.

“I mean, that you’re just doing to have fun, you don’t actually mean anything by it, right?”

He cocked his head and smiled but didn’t say anything.

“Because if it’s not I don’t want to lead you on or anything.” I continued.

“Okay.” He said.

I nodded.

“Okay, then.” I said with finality.

I went to move a crate onto a shelf but because of my black pumps, I lost my footing and it slipped.

“Whoa!” Brad ran to catch the crate before it fell and broke whatever was inside it.

He caught it and slid it up onto the shelf from behind me. I could feel him behind me and when I turned around he smiled and put his arm against the shelf above my head. I could have walked away but I didn’t. My back and hands wear against a box on the shelf.

“I dare you.” He said and then smiled again.

I leaned in and kissed him. Hard. He put his hands on the small of my back and I had one on his chest with another on the back of his neck. I was pulling him into me and he was pushing me against the shelf pretty hard. He moved a hand into my hair and then moved his mouth to my neck. My hand made it to his hair while another somehow made it under his shirt (Brad doesn’t look like it, but he is RIPPED). I started unzipping his pants but then I snapped out of it and stopped everything like a huge spazz.

I pushed him and he backed away immediately.

“Oh God NO. NOT HERE! What am I DOING?” I had my hands both on my forehead and started pacing back and forth, “God, I am SUCH an IDIOT.”

Brad started laughing and zipped up his pants which reminded me that he was still present.

“Oh, God, Brad…uh…we can’t do that here.”

“Somewhere else then?” He gave me a crooked smile.

“Yeah, we could…NO. UGH. NO.”

“Are you drunk?” He asked. I was acting crazy.

“No, I’m just stupid.” I said. I balled my hands into fists and lightly bumped them on my head while I stood across from him.

“Faith, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. It was just a dare.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Look,” he said coming up to me and taking my hands from my head and refusing to let me look away from his eyes, “it’s really not a big deal. We’re both adults. This doesn’t have to be weird. I’m not uncomfortable if you’re not.”

“You’re just…so hot…” I whined more to myself than to him.

He started laughing again and I pulled him over to me where we started kissing again.

20 minutes later I emerged from the stock room with my hair a complete mess right into the hallway where Cara was waiting with the mop bucket.

“Riiiiiiiight.” She said with a wide smiled and started cackling as Brad walked out.

Brad and I didn’t have sex, he’s just a really good kisser and oh my God I was so close to bringing him home with me.

Fun and Games

Work was really slow tonight. I mean, we never really have a full bar (unless it’s a weekend) but we probably had three people (besides the regulars) come in over 4 hours. Cara and I eventually found a deck of cards in the back and started playing “Go Fish” with Brad. Tony made us all some grilled cheese sandwiches and joined Bruno in the back with some of the regulars.

“So what did you do before this, Faith?” Cara asked.

“I used to be an HR rep.” I said, “But I decided it wasn’t for me.”

“I don’t think I could fire someone.” Cara said.

“It’s hard. I definitely don’t envy people, like Bruno, who will inevitably have to do it at some point.”

“I can’t imagine Bruno firing anyone.” She said.

“He has.” Brad chimed in, “Do you have a ten, Faith?”

“Go fish. Who did he fire?”

“The person you replaced.”

“Angela wasn’t fired.” Cara said.

“Oh, yes she was.” Brad said.

“Do you have a six, Brad?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He tossed the card to me, “Bruno kept finding money missing from the cash register and it always lined up with her shifts. Plus, she was fired for stealing money from a previous job.”

“Why did Bruno hire her in the first place?” I asked.

“He didn’t find out about it until after he fired her.”

“Angela told me that she quit because Bruno was withholding her tips.” Cara said.

“Do you honestly think Bruno would do that? He might be a hard ass, Cara, but he’s fair. We always get the amount of money we worked for. Bruno is obsessive when it comes to the books and he treats us like family. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to fire Angela, she’d worked for him for two years; he treated her like a daughter.”

Cara shrugged and I ended up winning that round of “Go Fish.”

“Let’s play Black Jack.” Brad said.

“It’s not fun with nothing to gamble.” Cara said.

“We could do it like truth or dare. Whoever wins gets to come up with a truth or dare question for the person of their choice.”

“Are we in high school?” I mocked.

“Come on, what else are we going to do?” Brad said.

“It could be fun.” Cara shrugged and poured me a soda.

“Fine.” I sighed, “I’m bringing a stash of magazines next shift so we never have to resort to this again.”

We played for awhile and it was fun. Brad won the first hand and chose Cara, who picked truth. Brad asked her if she’d ever stolen anything.

“I stole a pen from Walgreens once. I was 8 and it was a rainbow-colored feather pen. My mom found it and made me return it with an apology.”

I won the second hand, chose Brad, and dared him to tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue. He did it in under a minute.

Cara won the third round and asked Brad to show us his most private piercing.

“Whoa!” Cara said.

“Did that hurt?” I asked.

“I put ice on it before they put the needle through it.”

“I would not have been able to get the second one done.” Cara said.

“Eh, well, when it comes to nipple rings, you should really get both…for symmetry, you know. Plus, the four beers I’d had before helped with the courage.” Brad smiled.

“Alright, guys, I’m off. I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe I’ll bring a board game.”

Cara waved and departed. Brad and I still had another two hours before we could close up the bar. We stopped playing cards and eventually just ended up playing truth or dare and alternating turns.

“Truth.” I said.

“Have you ever dated anyone you work with?”

“Yes. I dated my boss once. Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Brad said.

“Have YOU ever dated anyone you work with?”

“No. But I want to.”

“Cara is pretty cute.” I said.

“Truth or dare?” Brad said.

“Dare.” I said.

“Kiss me.”

Brad leaned in to me but I put my hand on his face, pushed him away, and started laughing.

“No. We are SO not doing this.”

“Oh, come on, one kiss.”

“You realize this is sexual harassment?” I said.

“You know you want to.”

“In your dreams.” I said taking a sip of my soda.

“If you only knew.”

“Oh, GROSS.” I said hitting him on the arm playfully.

“You’ll kiss me eventually.” He floated away to go get a beer for one of the regulars in the back and I feel stupid for smiling after he left.

“Dream on.” I shouted back.

Flirting with Brad is fun and he’s not hard on the eyes.

Bruno's

I’ve been at work for about a week now. My first day Bruno introduced me to my co-workers.

First, Bruno is always around but most of the time he’s upstairs in the office watching football or in the back lounge room with his favorite customers. Bruno is an older, fatherly-like guy who kind of seems like he would have mob connections, if I’m being honest. He calls me sweetheart but not in a condescending way and I like him a lot. He’s a helpful guy who really cares about his community; for example, he offers to keep house keys for people in the community in case they get locked out of their apartments late at night, there’s a giant cupboard of hundreds of keys in the back.

Brad is the guy I will mostly be working with and he’s a more experienced bartender so he’s sort of like my boss in a really, really informal way. Brad is a 25 year old rocker guy and has spiky black hair, wears leather wrist bands, band tees, studded pants and paints his fingernails black. He’s kind of hot, to be honest, in a bad-boy way.

Cara is also someone I am usually going to be working with but she’s not actually a bartender. She’s training to be one and Bruno is letting her apprentice in the bar. Her actual title is a bar back. Mostly she brings stuff from the stockroom so we don’t run out of anything at the bar and occasionally she waitresses to make more money when the kitchen is open. Cara is a cute 21 year old who attends school full time in addition to working at Bruno’s. She kind of looks like Amy from Futurama; black hair, cute button nose, and she’s super sweet, kind of like a little sister.

Tony is the cook in the back but saying I work at a restaurant or even a bar and grill is stretching it. We sell what essentially amounts to bowling alley food: onion rings, cheese burgers, fries, nachos, fried mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, etc. But Tony is a whiz in the kitchen and will make stuff for the staff that’s not on the menu. Last night he made me a grilled cheese that was one of the best things I’ve ever eaten.

“It’s the cheese,” He told me when I started swooning at how good it was, “I use a mixture of Harvati, Fontina, and smoked cheddar. Then I use a garlic herb butter to toast up the bread in the pan.”

Um, YUM.

Tony is a tall black man about the same age as Bruno. They grew up together and are close friends. We don’t get a lot of food orders, so Tony is usually hanging out with Bruno in the office or in the back lounge room. Brad told me that Bruno’s never used to serve food but Tony lost his job in the recession and was struggling to find any work to support his family (he’s got a wife and two kids in college) so Bruno offered him a job and bought a deep fryer (hence all the fried food we serve) and a very small grill. It actually turned out to be a great business plan because the bar is right next to one of the college campuses in this city and we get a TON of college kids coming in on the weekends who are drunk and hungry; apparently what we sell appeals to the binge-drinking twenty-something masses.

I like the vibe at Bruno’s and even though I don’t make nearly enough for rent or anywhere close to what I used to and I’ll need to get another job as soon as I settle in here, I feel like I fit in. I also like that I can dress casually for work. It was sometimes such a pain to have to wear nice, professional clothes to work every day.