Weightless

It was foggy when Molly and I loaded into her car. I had my pajamas on and felt nervous as we drove toward the clinic. It was about 30 minutes away and when we arrived, we saw the protesters. They had graphic signs and I could hear their muffled screaming through the car windows. I closed my eyes until I felt the car come to a complete stop.

“Ready?” Molly asked looking over at me.

I took a deep breath and nodded before I got out of the car. It was time.

Molly and I headed to the front door, we could hear the protesters yelling but, fortunately, it all jumbled together and I couldn’t make out any specific phrases. Molly went to open the front door but it was locked.

“What the f-”

“You have to be buzzed in.” I said pointing to the camera above the doorbell, “For security reasons.”

I rang the doorbell and waved at the camera, someone buzzed us in and we were in a waiting room with a front desk and a neutral color palette. There were other women who were sitting in the various chairs filling out paperwork. I went up to the front desk and the nurse gave me the paperwork; I joined the others. Molly sat next to me.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” She asked.

“I don’t think you’ll be allowed to.” I said.

I handed over my clipboard and then sat down to wait.

The women in the waiting room all looked like me. They were wearing comfortable clothes, most had another person with them, and none of them were showing their pregnancies. Except for one woman. She was visibly pregnant and she had tears in her eyes. A man, who I assumed was her husband on account of the matching wedding bands they were wearing, was holding her while she quietly cried. She had her hands wrapped around her bump and kept stroking it between sobs. Eventually a nurse came over and quietly asked if they’d like to wait in an exam room so they could have some privacy. They nodded and were shown down a hallway.

My heart broke for that couple and I hoped I’d never be in that position. I didn’t know exactly what had happened but I knew something must have gone horribly wrong for them to be here. You don’t carry a pregnancy for that long unless you want it.

I kept fidgeting. Waiting made me restless and every now and then they’d call a name and take them down a hallway. With each name I felt even more restless and my mind kept buzzing. I kept going back to that couple and the terror they were currently living through. I was brought out of my thoughts by the nurse calling my name. Molly got up to go with me but the nurse stopped her and asked her to wait for me in the room with the other people who were acting as responsible drivers for the patients.

I followed the nurse down the hallway and to a room. She asked me to put on a gown and then weighed me and took my blood pressure and stuff. Then the doctor came in. He was an older man with kind eyes. He introduced himself but I was nervous at the time and I don’t remember his name.

He summarized what was going to happen during the procedure, asked me about the anesthesia options I had selected, and then asked me questions to verify that I wasn’t being pushed or forced into this. I told him the decision was completely mine and that I had come to it on my own.

“Okay, Faith. I’m just going to get the room set up with my staff and we’ll get you in there within the next 15 minutes.”

He smiled at me and shook my hand. His hands were so warm, and so was his smile. He put me at ease; I felt comfortable that he was the one doing this.

Finally, the nurse came back in.

“Ready, Faith?”

I nodded and hopped off the table before following her into a separate room. There was a table with stirrups that she had me lay on. They put in the IV for the anesthesia and the nurse asked if I wanted her to hold my hand. I nodded. The feeling of her hand holding mine was the last thing I remembered before I was knocked out.

After I woke up, the doctor was there. He was sitting next to me.

“Okay, Faith, we’re going to send you to recovery. I’ve written a prescription for some pain meds that I’ve left with the person who is driving you home. We’re going to have you eat a cookie and drink some juice while you’re in recovery for awhile and you can go home after you’ve used the bathroom.”

I held out my hand and he shook it again.

“Thank you.” I said. I felt a crashing wave of relief come over me. It was over.

The nurse helped me put on my underwear (with the biggest pad I’ve ever seen on them) and my pants before taking me to the recovery room. I sat down in a big hospital-style armchair next to some other women I saw in the waiting room earlier that morning. They were eating cookies and juice and watching Food Network on a television mounted on a wall. The nurse came to give me my recovery instructions and a glass of juice.

“Faith, it’s normal to feel cramping and discomfort for a few days after the procedure. If you experience more bleeding than what you would expect with a heavy period, you can call us and we can answer any questions you may have. The pain medication you’ve been prescribed has been given to your friend so you don’t lose it. I’ll bring the clothes you left behind to you so you can change.”

Then she took my blood pressure and gave me a shot because I have a Rh negative blood. I changed into my bra and shirt and was thankful for the blanket that had been neatly folded over the back of my chair. I was cold, but eating the cookie and drinking the juice was helping. After about an hour, I needed to go to the bathroom and after a successful trip, I was allowed to go home.

I walked through a door to the waiting room and saw Molly reading a magazine. She stood up when she saw me.

“How are you feeling?”

“A little loopy from the anesthesia, but I feel so much relief Molly.”

She gave me a hug and I teared up a little bit. I can’t describe to you the weight that had been lifted off of me. It's been a full 24 hours at this point and I'm feeling okay. I'm going to tell Brad tomorrow.