Can of Worms

Tonight was opening night of the show. Tech was rough but we all got through it and Zeke was my light board operator again which was nice. Zeke is fun to work with and he knows when to stay focused and when he can relax a bit. We have a good chemistry when it comes to me calling cues and him following them.

“That was a good opening, Zeke. Thanks for your hard work.”

“You, too, Faith. I’ll start shutting down the booth so you can make sure the backstage area is closed up.”

“Thanks, man.”

I headed to the backstage area to check in with our costume crew head, Sally. Everything was getting checked in and the actors were leaving. I checked the props in and made sure they were all placed on the table where they were supposed to be, then I put out the ghost light on the stage. By the time that was done, Sally was done checking in the costumes and I locked up.

“Hey, Faith, some guy was looking for you, I told him to wait in the booth.” Zeke said from around the corner, “Is it cool if I go?”

“Yeah, thanks, Zeke.”

A small part of me hoped it was Mike, but I knew that was a stupid thing to cling to. I finished locking up the lobby doors before heading to the booth to figure out who the mystery visitor was.

“Are you freaking kidding me!?” I said angrily.

“Faith, listen, I came to apologize.” Brad said.

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the booth.

“I am SO done with you, Brad.” I said waiting for him to come out so I could lock the booth’s door.

“Come on, you came to my job and yelled at me, at least let me come to your job and apologize to you.” He said.

I noticed he was holding a bouquet of flowers. He followed my gaze.

“I bought these for you…for opening night, not as like a romantic thing, okay?”

He held them out to me. I grabbed them and reached into a closet in the hallway between the booth and the front of house ticket office to get my jacket and bag.

“Can we just sit and have a conversation?” Brad asked. He was following me to the backstage area.

“No! No we can’t! You know why? Because I have to go to the bar and be head bartender because you decided to act like a baby and quit with no notice.” I yelled at him.

And then I started crying. I felt exhausted. Between opening the show and taking Brad’s place and dealing with Bruno giving me the run-around about hiring a new person, not to mention all of my personal stuff going on, I had had it and couldn’t keep it together anymore.

Brad pulled me in for a hug but I pushed him away from me.

“Don’t touch me! Get away!”

“Look, Faith, I’m not going to leave you alone until we can talk about things. I have a lot to apologize for.”

“Then you’ll have to wait until I get off of work at 3 in the morning because I have to close by myself tonight.”

“Fine.”

Brad followed me out the back door of the theatre and I locked it. I gave him back the bouquet of flowers as we walked to Bruno’s.

“You know what else? I’ll talk to Bruno and get him to hire someone new, okay? He might be stalling to fill the spot because he thinks I’ll come back, I’ll make him understand that I’m not.”

“Whatever, Brad.” I said rolling my eyes again.

We got to Bruno’s and I got to work. Brad headed into the back room where Bruno usually hangs out with the regulars, it was spring break so we were slammed and I had to help Cara on the bar as soon as I got there.

We were so busy that I barely noticed the time passing and before I knew it, it was time for last call.

“Did I see Brad earlier?” Cara asked.

“Yeah, he came to see Bruno.” I said.

“I’ll be right back, I want to say hi.”

“Okay.” I said.

I started up my closing duties shortly before Cara left for the night and Brad helped me with them.

“You don’t work here anymore so you don’t have to help me do this.” I said with tired annoyance.

“I want to help.” He said, “I talked to Bruno, he said he’d hire someone by the end of next week.”

I eyed Brad.

“What do you want from me?” I asked.

“I just want to be able to talk to you and apologize for what I did.”

“You were certainly proud of it when we discussed it before, why so remorseful now?”

“Faith, can’t you just…”

“Just what, Brad?”

“Listen to me? Talk to me? I don’t know. Don’t you think we should probably talk about what happened?”

I sighed and kept cleaning. Brad didn’t say anything else until I’d clocked out.

“Let’s go to that diner near my place and get some coffee.” He said.

I rolled my eyes again and followed him onto a bus. Brad’s apartment was only a few stops past mine and the diner was in the middle. It was a neutral place we could go.

He handed me the bouquet of flowers from before as we slid into a booth. Brad ordered us two coffees and we sat in silence until they arrived. I cupped mine in my hands and felt the warmth flow into my hands. It was still absolutely freezing for March.

“Faith I don’t think we can be friends. You know I have feelings for you and you take advantage of that while completely ignoring my feelings a lot.”

“Did you just want to have this little chat with me to tell me how much of a bitch you think I am?”

“No.”

“Then what is the point of this, Brad? We can’t be friends? Yeah, well I think that was made pretty clear when you took joy in ruining my relationship….on freaking Valentine’s Day!”

My voice echoed in the practically empty diner and the few people who were there looked over in our direction. I covered my face and slouched down in my seat. Brad gave me a smirk.

“Well, maybe we should leave before you start yelling again.”

“Brad, I’m tired. If I leave here, I’m going home and going to bed. Can you just spit it out, please?”

“I think we deserve to give ourselves a chance.”

“What is THAT supposed to mean?”

“Faith, there has to be a reason we keep falling into bed together over and over again. Maybe we should try seeing each other again.”

“What?” I said flatly.

“We only went on one date and the reason we didn’t explore a real relationship after that is because of how I reacted at the end of it when you told me you had made a mistake and never meant to accept my request for one. I think about that a lot, maybe if I hadn’t reacted so poorly things would be different.”

“You do realize that I JUST broke up with my boyfriend, right?”

“Don’t you wonder what would have happened between us? We’ve never made good friends, Faith, both of us have been jealous of each other, both of us have said cruel things to each other, and both of us have used each other.”

“What about that sounds like a healthy relationship to you?”

“Faith, I think it’s because we both have feelings for each other that go beyond friendship.”

“Uh, no. I don’t. I know you do, but I don’t Brad.”

“Do you normally give blow jobs to your other friends?”

“Okay,” I said getting out of the booth and leaving.

Brad threw some money down and followed me out.

“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate.” He said running in front of me.

I turned around and started walking in the opposite direction.

“Oh, was it?” I asked.

“All I was trying to say was that you’ve lead me on in the past and I don’t think that’s because your feelings towards me are 100% platonic. Can you just take a minute to stop resisting it and think about it?”

“Think about what?”

“Letting yourself have what you deserve. You know I’d treat you right. I’d be a great boyfriend, Faith. Just…give me a chance.”

I stared at Brad like he’d sprouted antlers.

“Are you fucking NUTS?” I asked.

I started walking away faster and Brad followed me.

“Okay, I knew you’d be a little reluctant but….what if everything happens for a reason?”

I started walking even faster and shook my head. Brad continued to keep up with me.

“Maybe you and Mike broke up because the timing was finally right for us.”

“OR! Maybe Mike and I broke up because you told him you fucked me in the middle of a crowded bar on Valentine’s Day!” I screamed.

A couple of drunk college girls walked by us on the street and laughed. I stopped and leaned against a wall, I was just too tired to deal with this anymore. Brad stood next to me.

“I am really sorry for that and if I could take it back I would. I was angry and jealous and I didn’t think about what the consequences would be.”

“So, what’s my choice here? I either date you or we can’t be friends? Or you’ll say we can be friends but then just keep wearing me down until I agree to call you my boyfriend? Is just having me as a friend that awful for you?”

“My point is that we have never been friends, Faith. We went from being co-workers to sleeping together to going on one date and then we tried to be friends after that. It should be no surprise to either one of us that we failed at being friends. Friends don’t sleep together when they temporarily break up with their boyfriends. Friends don’t break up with their girlfriends because they’re hung up on one another.”

“Brad, I just don’t feel that way about you.”

“How can you say that when I was the person you turned to on New Year’s Eve? There has to be some level of attraction if you’re willing to sleep with me, right?”

“I have never denied that we have a very intense sexual chemistry. But, for me, that’s all it is.”

“Kiss me.”

“What? No!”

“Kiss me and tell me you don’t have feelings for me.”

“Oh my God, Brad, no!”

I started walking again with Brad hot on my heels.

“What are you afraid of?” He goaded, “If you don’t have feelings for me, then what’s the problem?”

“How about because I don’t freaking want to!?”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes!”

“Then why did you walk straight to MY apartment instead of yours in the opposite direction of the diner?”

I looked around with confusion and realized he was right. We were, literally, standing right in front of his building.

“I…” I looked around; I couldn’t believe I had walked there without even realizing it.

“Faith, kiss me and tell me you don’t have feelings for me.”

I shook my head. Brad slowly pulled me to him.

“Are you scared I might be right about you having feelings for me?” He asked.

I shook my head again. But he ignored my response and tipped my face up, then he kissed me.

I didn’t feel anything. I felt numb. I wanted so badly to feel something other than guilt.

Brad took my hand and led me up the front stoop.

I woke up this morning in Brad’s bed. We’d had sex the night before and afterward he whispered so many sweet-nothings in my ear that I was almost convinced that we could be a couple; that I could force myself to love him the way he wanted me to. But then morning came and with it the deep regret.

I slipped out of his arms and started looking for my bra but he woke up.

“Good morning.” He said sleepily.

“H-hey.” I said with surprise.

“I’m so glad you came over last night. I was thinking we could grab dinner later…”

“Oh, um, I can’t I have the show tonight.”

“You’re dark on Mondays, though, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

I found my bra and put it on and then began the search for my underwear.

“So, I’ll take you out to dinner Monday night.”

“O-okay. Sounds great.” I said faking a smile.

I found my underwear mixed with the sheets at the foot of the bed and slipped them on.

“Are you leaving already?”

“Yeah, I have to get home and feed Murphy.” I said trying to sound nonchalant.

“Are you sure? Usually we have sex a lot more before you leave.”

“Well, you really tired me out last night, I guess.” I said pulling on my jeans, “I’ll call you later okay?”

“Okay.” Brad said looking concerned.

“Really, everything’s fine.” I said leaning down and giving him a kiss.

I left and walked home as fast as I could. Molly wasn’t there, she was at an audition, which I was thankful for because I immediately put my back against the door and slid down to the floor. Murphy came and sat in my lap and looked at me with concern.

“It’s okay, mommy is just a mess.” I said to him.