Friday, October 29, 2010


Molly picked me up for Zoey’s surprise party as I was getting ready. Sean was running late and was going to have to meet me at the pub since Anna needed him to do some heavy lifting of chairs and tables unexpectedly (Theo was on call and was called in so he couldn’t do it).

“What happened to your arm?” Molly asked when I came out in my dress.

“Oh...uh...I’m not sure. I must have run into a door or something.” I said.

I threw on a black cardigan so Sean wouldn’t see the bruise Gerry had left and we left. We picked up the cake, a giant balloon, and a few extra things that Anna realized she needed once she got to the pub and we got there with about 30 minutes to spare. I introduced Molly to Anna and to Sean, again, and we got to work spreading tablecloths and hanging streamers while people started trickling in. Anna had invited a bunch of people from her and Zoey’s work, Sean’s bandmates came and offered to play a few songs (Guy had brought an acoustic guitar and the pub had a piano) and hang out. Finally Anna got the warning text from Wesley that they were going to be there in a few minutes and we all put on party hats and found hiding places. Sean and I were in a corner behind a bundle of balloons.

“You look really great tonight” he said going in for a kiss.

“Thanks” I said. I started laughing because he was tickling me and we were shushed.

“You’re going to get me in trouble,” I whispered when he continued to kiss me.

“I like bad girls,” he laughed.

We heard Zoey’s voice walking towards the back room and got ready to surprise her.

“Wesley, what’s-”


I’m pretty sure Zoey had a heart attack but once she was composed she looked very happy.

“Did you know about this?” She asked Wesley.

“Yeah, Anna, asked me to be the decoy, but it was her idea.”

Zoey kissed him and then gave Anna a hug before coming over and giving me a hug, too. She started mingling and Anna came over while Sean was across the room talking to Jake.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad she’s enjoying this.”

“Elise still hasn’t shown up. She said she would be here by now. Do you think she’s okay, Faith?”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” I said, “Should we bring the cake out, now? I can have Guy play happy birthday.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Zoey’s cake was a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting and we lit the candles. Guy led us all in “Happy Birthday” while Zoey made her birthday wish and then Wesley pulled her aside and they were being very cuddly with each other. Her cake was delicious but I’m glad Molly brought a fruit plate to make everyone feel like they weren’t pigging out completely. I introduced Zoey to Molly after awhile and as they were talking Elise arrived quietly as almost everyone else had left. I saw her make a bee-line for Wesley and watched. I don’t know what they were talking about but she brushed his hair away and started giggling and touching his chest playfully. Wesley looked awkward. I wasn’t the only one watching Elise, Anna was too and she looked terrified and angry at the same time. After Elise went in to whisper something to Wesley, I couldn’t take it anymore and went over there.

“Hi Wesley, could you excuse us?” I said directing Elise towards the exit without even waiting for his response.

“Faith, get the hell off of me!” She said once I’d dragged her halfway down the hallway. Anna, can you do something please?” Anna had followed us.

“Faith let go of her. Please.” Anna said pleading with me.

“Leave.” I said to Elise, “Go. Zoey doesn’t need to see you flirting with her boyfriend for a birthday present. Just get out of here.”

I stood in the way of the party’s entrance while Elise looked at Anna with expectant eyes.

“Anna invited me here, you’re not the boss of me, get out of my way. I’m going back to the party. Zoey doesn’t even know I’m here.” Elise tried to get by me several times but I blocked her.

“I’m not playing this game anymore Elise, you can try to rip my boyfriend’s pants off but I’m not going to stand here and watch you break Zoey’s heart simply because you’re lonely and jealous.”

Elise snorted in disgust.

“Zoey is fat, Faith. She doesn’t deserve someone as hot as Wesley. He just feels bad for her, especially since he knows he could have every man’s dream in me. I’m hot and Zoey is an overweight plain Jane with a boring job. Every man wants to date a model and Wesley is no exception. It’s only a matter of time until he steps out on her with someone else and I intend to be that someone else. What Zoey doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“Oh, please, Elise. I know,” I turned around and Zoey was walking towards the three of us, “Did you really think Wesley wouldn’t tell me about you flirting with him?”

Elise was pale and her face was etched with shock and fear.

“You can go…It’s not necessary that you continue pretending to be my friend. And for the record: Wesley thinks you’re a vapid brat, he couldn’t be less interested in you.” And with that Zoey tossed Elise’s purse and jacket to her, turned on her heel, and walked back to the party but she stopped a few steps down, turned to Elise and said, “Oh, and he loves my fat ass.”

Anna and I followed, leaving Elise disgraced in the hallway. When we got back to the near-empty party room Zoey looked at us.

“You’re mad, aren’t you?” Anna asked, “This is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything…”

“Anna, it’s fine. I’m not mad. I’ve known about Elise’s problems a lot longer than you have. She’s been hitting on Wesley since before e asked me out. He told me on our first date. I‘m not mad…at you two. But Wesley and I have to go; he left my birthday gift at his house. Thank you for the party, it was lovely, and Faith, can you give Molly my phone number? We made plans to do something next week and I forgot to give it to her.”

“Sure.” I said giving her a good-bye hug. I was a bit dazed.

“I did not expect her to be so…calm,” Anna said watching her and Wesley leave.

“Me either.”

“You ready to go?” Sean asked. He had come up behind me and was waving good-bye to Wesley, “Anna, Molly has offered to give you a ride home since Theo had to leave.”

“Oh, that’s…so nice of her. I’ll go get my coat.”

“What happened?” Sean asked once Anna left us.

“Zoey’s known about Elise the whole time. Wesley told her everything at the very beginning. Anna and I have been freaking out over nothing.” I said still dazed.

“Well…Elise did try to have sex with me, Sean said, so you weren’t freaking out over nothing.”

“Touché.” I said.

Molly offered to give Sean and I a ride home, too and as we were walking to her car Sean put his arm around me.

“Ow!” He had touched my bruise.

“Are you okay? What did I do?”

“I-I’m fine. I just ran into an open kitchen counter and banged my arm up the other day.”

Molly gave me a questioning look as I got into the car. Looks like I’m busted.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Sean and I went to breakfast after our ice cream-filled make-up sex after we woke up and it was really nice. I feel like we haven’t been out together outside of our apartments since our anniversary. This stuff with Elise has really been affecting more of my life than I realized, I think. Anyway, he had to go interview another potential manager with the guys afterward so I went back to my apartment to get some errands done since Veronica gave me the day off from work.

I was brushing Murphy when someone knocked on my door. I figured Sean had left something but thought it was weird that he had knocked instead of using his key.

“Um, Hi Gerry.”

“Faith.” Gerry gave a slight nod to acknowledge my greeting.

“How did you find out where I live?”

“I followed Sean here last night.”

The sound of the alarm bells that had slowly started building in my head when I first saw Gerry were clanging at this point.

“Oh…uh…well Sean isn’t here so…” I started to close the door, but Gerry stopped it.

“I actually wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Can I come in?”

I thought about all of the reasons I shouldn’t let Gerry in: I was completely alone, except for Murphy, my cell phone was dead and I don’t have a landline, and the majority of my neighbors were at work.

“Uh…sure but I’m kind of in a hurry right now.”

“This’ll only take a minute.”

I stepped aside to let him in and closed the door. I lead him into my kitchen and offered him a glass of water but he declined.

“I guess I should just cut to the chase,” He said as I leaned against a counter, “I don’t like you. I think you’re bad for the band and for Sean. He’s been completely unreliable since meeting you and I will not have that anymore.”

I felt bad for Gerry. He looked like he was struggling to maintain such a calm demeanor as he said this to me and rather than be rude, I chose a more polite approach. Murphy came in around the corner to see who was talking cautiously.

“Gerry, we got off on the wrong foot, if you just got to know me you’d-”

“Not interested.” He crossed his arms and snorted in disgust. I didn’t let this deter me and continued on.

“I’m not a threat to the band, Gerry. Sean and I barely talk about his music work; he’s very private about it and I don’t try to insert myself. We are simply a couple; I don’t have any ulterior motives with him at all.”

“Oh please. You do nothing but distract him! I’ve seen it all, making out in a hallway like a twenty-dollar whore, making eyes at him while he’s on stage, every sign is there, you even bring your sleazy friends with you like the drunk one I had to pull off of him and throw out the other night.”

“Really?” I asked, my insides starting to boil, “Because I was under the impression that you were always too glued to your phone to notice anything about other people and that’s why the only thing you have is the band. For crying out loud, you couldn’t even muster a smile when Jake and Eddy got engaged.”

“You’re talking about things you don’t understand,” he said taking a step towards me, “if you don’t talk to Sean about the band then you should stay out of it and stop telling me what I should do. I’m their manager and I know what’s good for them.”

“You’re not going to be their manager next year. Sean told me he told you they weren’t renewing your contract last night and I know everyone else is on board with the decision too.” I said calmly, “And if you really knew what was good for them then you would never have asked Sean to stop seeing his therapist.”

“He’s only seeing that shrink because you told him to.”

“No, Gerry, you’re wrong. Seeing a therapist was a suggestion I made because Sean was having some problems, he made the decision himself and I have seen him make progress because of it. He’s continued with his therapy because he wanted to. Besides you’re only his manager, you have no right to tell him what to do. He’s an adult and I don’t tell him to do anything. We discussed his issues as two people who were in a relationship, that’s clearly something you don’t understand.”

“You need to stop seeing him; you’re not good for him. You think you’re doing him a favor or something by being with him, I’ve been around since the kid started. I know the potential he has and you’ve done nothing but make him waste it. He cares more about you than he does about anything else and he’s got too much talent to waste it on you as his new manager.”

“I-WHAT? I am not a music manager! I work in the news business. I’m an HR rep…I’m not even a journalist!”

“Cut the crap, I see right through you-“

I was absolutely shocked and the more Gerry talked the more deranged he seemed to become. Murphy was meowing at my feet and the noise seemed to agitate Gerry.

“Gerry why did you even bother to come here if you’re not even going to listen to me?”

“Because, I’m here to tell you that you need to stop seeing Sean.”

I let his words hang in the air to let them sink in. I thought he’d see how absurd he was sounding but his face didn’t show a single hint of joking.

“Well, you may think you have the right to tell Sean how to live his life because you’re his manager but you do not have the right to tell me what to do and the relationship I have between Sean is between me and him…not the three of us. So I guess my answer to you is: no, I will not stop seeing Sean as long as he still wants to be with me and he does which means you’re out of luck.”

Gerry’s expression got angrier and angrier while I spoke and he lunged forward to grab me by the arm.

“What are you do- OW. Get off of me!” He had pushed me up against my pantry door and had tightened his grip on my arm so much that it was pinching off the circulation. He leaned close to my face so I could feel his breath on my cheek.

“You listen to me you little bitch, I will not let you take away my career. I’ve worked hard for it and I’ve lost everything to get where I am and-”

Gerry started screaming and let go of my arm just enough for me to reach a pan to defend myself with. Murphy had gotten on top of the fridge and jumped on Gerry when he pinned me against the pantry. He was scratching at his face and hissing while Gerry was screaming expletives and trying to throw him off him. I was afraid he might hurt Murphy so I reached up and was able to get him off him and held the terrified cat against my chest with one hand and the pan in the other.

“Get out before I call the police. You’re lucky Sean wasn’t here. GET OUT!”

I shook the pan at Gerry, who was bleeding profusely from all sorts of scratches on his face, scalp, and hands, as he backed out of my kitchen. I threatened him with the pan until he was out the door and then I locked and dead bolted it.

After he left I collapsed onto the floor and leaned against the door with Murphy still pressed against my chest. I started shaking and crying uncontrollably while Murphy shook in my arms. After a few minutes I attempted to calm down and realized Murphy’s paw pads were bleeding. He had scratched Gerry with such ferocity that he broke the skin on his own paws. I called my vet to see if I should bring him in but he said that Murphy would most likely be okay since the bleeding had stopped by the time I got a hold of him. He told me that if he starts bleeding again I should bring him in. He’s been reluctant to be more than a foot away from me since Gerry left and I’ve decided not to tell anyone about what happened. If I tell Sean, he’ll attack Gerry, I know he will, and if I tell any of my friends they’ll say I need to go to the police but that will just complicate things and make Gerry even madder than he already is and it will obviously tip off Sean if I press charges against his manager. Once January comes, Gerry will be gone and I’ll never have to see him again, I just won’t go see Sean play until after Gerry is definitely gone.

Saturday, October 23, 2010


I was eating a pint of ice cream in my flannel pajamas, with my hair in a messy bun, and watching a repeat of a trashy reality show when Sean finally showed up. I heard him enter my apartment and hesitate outside my bedroom while he contemplated the best plan of attack. When he came around the corner he had a scared smile on his face that fell at the sight of me.


“Yeah. Is there a problem?”

“Well…flannel isn’t very sexy but I can make do.” He went to slide next to me and kiss my cheek. I turned away and put my cold spoon up against his face.

“You’re really trying to go for the comedic approach?”

“Not anymore.”

“Best decision you’ve made all night.” I said putting my ice cream aside and crossing my arms.

“What did I do?”

“I thought you said that the band fired Gerry.”

“We did.”

“No you didn’t. Why are you lying me to me and not even attempting to hide it?”

“Faith, what are you talking about?” Sean could sense my anger coming to a head and his voiced was tinged with desperation. Murphy, sensing a fight, got off the bed and slinked out of the room headed for the sanctuary of his kitty castle. I’m pretty sure Sean watched him leave with jealousy.

“Gerry was there tonight, Sean. I saw him!”

Sean’s face was frozen with confusion and concern for a second before he started laughing. Hard.

“Why are you laughing at me?” I hissed.

“Because, I thought you understood….”

“Understood what?”

“That the music business doesn’t work the same way HR works, Faith. Firing a manager involves a lot more than a severance package when you work in any form of the entertainment business.”

I started blushing and felt incredibly stupid.

“Gerry’s contract isn’t up until January, when I said we fired him I thought you understood that it meant we just wouldn’t be renewing his contract to represent and manage us when it was up. I’m sorry I didn’t think to explain it more…”

“Does Gerry even know? I asked.

“We told him tonight, which is why I was so late. He didn’t take it well.” Sean looked down at his hands, he looked a little ashamed.

“Oh.” I said quietly, “does…does Gerry have a family?” I didn’t mean to ask Sean that, it came out before I could stop it.

“Gerry is a workaholic; he lost his family a long time ago. We’ve given him enough time to start looking for a new band to replace us.”

I didn’t really know what to say. Suddenly, Gerry’s hatred of me was understandable and I started to feel bad. Gerry has been with Sean’s band since the beginning, Sean and his band mates are the only family he really has at this point and he saw me as a threat, not just to his career like I thought, but to his family, as well. I totally get it now.

“So…you gonna share that ice cream?” Sean asked eyeing it on my end table.

“Hell no. Get your own.” I started giggling and Sean pretended to pin me down like a wrestler while he reached for my ice cream. As he went to reach, his belt buckle ripped my pajamas.

“You ripped them! Now I’ll never be able to wear them again!” I said holding the spoon for ransom.

“Good, you should never wear flannel, it should be a fashion crime.”

Sean was able to get the spoon away from me by distracting me with a really steamy kiss but we didn’t end up using it to eat the ice cream. We put it o better use on each other.

Note to self: Cleaning ice cream out of sheets quickly becomes a sticky mess. Invest in rubber sheets….

Friday, October 22, 2010

Friends, Lies, and Phone Calls

“No, Anna! She hit on Wesley and now she’s stuck her tongue down Sean’s throat, I am not going to try and be polite about this? How would you feel if it was Theo?”

Anna and I had been talking on the phone for nearly an hour. After Sean left to interview a new manager with his bandmates I immediately dialed her number and told her about what happened with Elise and Sean.

“Faith, you said she was drunk, she didn’t know-“

“ANNA! Would you please listen to yourself? You are asking me to make nice with someone who attempted to pull off my boyfriend’s pants in the back room of a bar! Elise hasn’t even been a good friend to you, in fact, she’s kind of mean to you. What is your deal?”

Anna was silent on the phone, I had a feeling she was tearing up a little.

“It’s just…Faith you know I don’t like confrontation…”

“I honestly think it’s gotten to the point where Elise and I can no longer be friends, Anna, and you’re first reaction is to tell me to forgive her. I understand that you feel bad about this but people end friendships all of the time and this cannot go on any longer.”

“She’ll hardly be there! I told you, she’s going to be late and she’ll probably leave after making the rounds. Can you at least wait until after Zoey’s party? Please? Zoey already hates surprises and you getting into a fight with Elise within days of it is not going to help anything. Do it for Zoey, Faith.”

I saw Anna’s point but I was still irritated by her refusal to take Elise’s actions at face value. For all I know Elise got drunk to give herself the courage to make out with Sean and impress her friends.

“Faith, please?”

“Fine. But after Zoey’s party I’m cutting her out of my life and I would suggest you do the same. I don’t mean to put you in the middle of this, Anna, but you brought me into this originally and I am not going to put up with her behavior anymore. I’m not her mother and I’m not interested in being called a judgmental bitch by her when I confront her about the advances she made on Sean while you sit next to her quiet as a mouse.”

There was a knock on the door and I told Anna I had to go. When I opened my door Molly was there.

“Hey!” she said as Murphy wound himself in between her legs outside my door. She was holding a gift bag and looked me over, “you’re not even dressed, did you forget about our movie date?”

I deflated instantly. I forgot that I had scheduled myself to see a movie with Molly and grab some lunch and I felt like a horrible person.

“It’s okay; we don’t need to go see a movie.” She said letting herself in and giving me a hug when I started turning bright red.

“I’m sorry, Molly. This is such an asshole thing of me to do. I’m normally really good about keeping my schedule.”

She plopped down on my couch and kicked her shoes off. Murphy started digging in the gift bag she brought which made both of us laugh.

“What is that?” I asked.

“It’s the dress you commissioned from me. I need to do a final fitting and thought today would be good.”

I suddenly felt even worse. I had commissioned Molly to make me a dress nearly a week and a half ago to wear to Zoey’s party and completely forgot about it as well. This whole Elise saga is taking its toll on my sanity, people.

Molly brushed off my sadness quickly and fitted me for it. It’s an emerald green mini cocktail dress and has a halter-styled top. I looked really hot in it and it’s going to fit me like a glove. I’m going to wear black tights, silver strappy high heel sandals, and a statement necklace with it. I might throw on a black cardigan if it’s really cold. I’m going to look fabulous, for sure, though.

We hung around my apartment for awhile while trying to decide on a new movie since our movie time had passed and eventually settled on going to see a movie, grab a bite to eat, and then go and see Sean’s band again. I was looking forward to being able to watch Sean’s band without Gerry shooting daggers at me from across the room, finally, and Molly really liked their music. I told her I’d be her wing woman if she needed it when some hot guy started hitting on her.

I really enjoy spending time with Molly and wouldn’t mind having a weekly date with her. Speaking of weekly dates, Zoey and I have not had one of our Friday night pizza nights in a long time; we should really start that up again…maybe we could invite Molly. I have a feeling Zoey would like her.

I think I’m going to ask Anna if I can bring Molly to Zoey’s party, as well. She offered to help set up with me when I told her I couldn’t hang out with her on the 29th and I think kicking her out would be pretty rude after she helped with the set up. Plus, we need the help. I’m responsible for picking up the cake, drinks, and a special balloon for Zoey and Anna is in charge of getting to the restaurant and decorating as much as she can, she’s also going to be supervising the various appetizers we’re having catered by the pub, utensils, etc. Molly has a car so it would be an added help especially because trying to navigate public transportation with a cake and balloons would be nearly impossible without some damage.

Anyway, we went to see Sean after having a delicious dinner (the movie was kind of eh) and I was shocked. Gerry was standing by a back hallway on his phone again and he gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen. I stopped in my tracks and Molly knew something was up.

“Is everything okay?” She asked trying to pull me farther into the bar. I composed myself, waved at Sean (who looked pleased to see me), and then found a booth in the back.

“What is going on?” Molly asked once we’d gotten our drinks from the bar.

“Sean told me the band fired their manager, Gerry, but he’s still here…and he hates me. The night you and I first met he basically called me a slut. I found out afterward that Sean had pulled me in the back that night to get back at Gerry because he’s been making Sean’s life rather difficult. I told Sean that I would not come to see him play anymore ever since that incident because I didn't want to get in the middle of him and Gerry. I thought Gerry wouldn’t be here so I figured it would be fine but they didn’t fire him! He’s still there.” I said surreptitiously pointing to Gerry from behind my beer. He was still scowling but was distracted by his phone.

“Does Sean know how rude he is to you?”

“I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want to cause more problems for him; he was in the process of convincing everyone else to fire him so I figured it wasn’t necessary.”

“There’s probably an explanation, Faith.”

“I’m still livid that he lied to me.”

“He might not have, though.”

I nursed my beer until Sean got a break. He came over and kissed me but he could tell I was not in a good mood.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked while Molly pretended to go to the bathroom to give us some privacy.

“We’ll talk about it later.” I said coldly.

“I’m in a lot of trouble, aren’t I?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Can I get a hint?”

“Nope, I’m going to go.” I said as I saw Molly walk out of the bathroom. I grabbed our coats and we walked out of the bar.

We ended up splitting a cab and now I’m sitting here absolutely seething while I wait for Sean to get off work. I can’t believe he lied to me about Gerry. This doesn’t make sense; he told me earlier today that he was interviewing a new manager but Gerry is still there. Sean told me Gerry had been fired over a week ago! Sean is going to come home to a very pissed off girlfriend.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Author's Note

I'm going to need to go on a hiatus for a little bit. Someone I treasured very much has passed away and the passion for writing is just not there for me right now. I'm sorry if this causes any of you wonderful people to stop reading this blog but forcing myself to write would feel like punishment and I don't want my blog to become a punishment for me because there would be no faster way for me to want to stop writing entirely than making it feel like a punishment. So, in order to stop myself from ending the blog permanently, I need to go on hiatus.

I don't know how long the blog will be on hiatus but if I feel the urge to write about Faith as an escape from my grief; I'll post it on here, I'm just not sure when I'll be ready to write on the Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule while trying to deal with the grieving process and trying to move at the same time.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I woke up with Sean in my bed. He’d had a gig and had come over afterward and had just snuggled next to me when I woke up. I tried to stay awake but I fell asleep while waiting for him.

“Sleepy, huh?” He whispered into my hair.

“Mhm. WHOA. You’re wet!”

Sean’s hair was dripping wet and the coldness shocked me awake.

“It’s pouring outside, I got caught without an umbrella. Sorry.” He said reaching for a blanket to wrap me in.

“I should give you a drawer or something so you at least have a change of clothes here.” I said rolling over to snuggle into his bare chest.

“I kinda like just wearing my boxers, if I’m being honest.” He laughed.

“How was your gig?”

I felt Sean tense for the smallest second.

“Um. It was…okay.”

I popped my head up to look at him.

“What does that mean?” I asked glaring at him with suspicion.

“It’s late, we should go to sleep.”

“Sean...tell me what happened. Does this have to do with Gerry?”

“No. For once it doesn’t. Faith…you’re going to be pissed, can’t we just forget about it?”

“Not now.” I said sitting up.

Sean sighed and sat up too.

“Elise was at the bar where we were playing tonight.”


“She was with a group of other women who looked like model friends and it looked like she was on something.”

“On something?”

“She was high…and not of on a soft drug. Her friends were on it too, by the looks of them.”

“Sean, you wouldn’t be able to tell that from the stage. She would’ve had to be right next to you-”

“I know.”

“What are you trying to tell me?” I asked warily.

“Elise kissed me while I was on break. She wasn’t completely out of it by that point in the night but she did get to the sloppy-drunk point. She would’ve been plastered regardless of whatever drug it was. She knew what she was doing when she kissed me but I don’t think she knew what she was doing when she tried to take my pants off after we wrapped up.”

“Excuse me!? Are you telling me that Elise tried to give you a ‘happy ending’ after making out with you?”

“I don’t really know what she was going to do if she got my pants off, but yeah, pretty much.”

I was at a loss for words and trying to deal with the serious nausea creeping into the pit of my stomach. I was overwhelmed with my feelings. One part of me was worried for Elise if she was on drugs, another part was pissed off that she was going after my boyfriend, another part was completely shocked, and another part of me was mildly insecure about Sean. I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Did you kiss her back? Did you like it?”

Sean gaped at me.

“No, I felt like I was being mauled by a wild animal. It was the worst kiss I’ve ever experienced. I did not kiss her back I restrained her and held her away from me.”

“Sean why did you even approach her?”

“Because, she’s your friend,” I gave Sean an angry look, “kind of. I was just being friendly…you told her you were going to get over her hitting on Wesley; I was just trying to pretend like I didn’t know about everything. Plus…I kind of feel responsible for you guys drifting apart.”

“Why?” I asked less angry.

“You guys started to drift apart when we started dating. And I just…I feel a little responsible for it.”

“Sean that’s not why we started drifting apart. Elise and I just didn’t make each other a priority. It was easy for me to ignore her when I had an excuse in dating you. Besides, she was never a great friend to me or Anna or Zoey…I’m not losing much if it means you’re in my life. It was going to happen at some point.”

“I still feel somewhat responsible.”

“Elise is a bad friend. I should be thanking you for getting her out of my life, if you must feel responsible.”

“You’re not mad…at me?”

“No. Why would I be mad at you? Elise is the one who instigated everything, right?”

“Yeah, but I did go over to see her.”

“That doesn’t warrant her shoving her tongue down your throat or trying to rip your pants off. I mean, who just tries to take off someone’s pants?”

“It was really awkward. I’ve never seen anyone act like that.”

“Usually when I try to take your pants off I start out by kissing your jaw…like this.”

I straddled myself over Sean and started kissing his jawline as he slowly lowered himself back onto his pillows. He was laughing but stopped me.

“I really do love you.” He said, moving my hair behind my ears.

“I know.”

Sean pulled me in for a kiss. I was nearly late for work this morning because we were up so late. We’re going to have to tone all of this sex down because I’m getting exhausted.

Monday, October 18, 2010


I finally met Wesley! He’s GORGEOUS. I completely understand what Zoey was saying about his looks. He has beachy, wavy blonde hair, shocking blue eyes and a really nice body (from what I could tell under his fitted shirt). The greatest thing about Wesley is how he looks at Zoey, though. He really does only have eyes for her when they’re together. We did the basic dinner and a movie double date except that I used Sean to do me a favor and invite Wesley to Zoey’s surprise party while they waited in the concession line at the movie (Zoey and I were getting seats in the theatre). So Wesley knows and not only that but Sean told me that he wanted to help us set it up, so that gained him about a million bonus points from me.

At dinner we made small talk about our jobs and the food and it was a really pleasant date. Zoey and I went to the bathroom about halfway through dinner to discuss how things were going.

“So, what do you think of him?” She asked.

“He’s great, Zoey. I’m glad you’re with someone so nice and genuine. I can tell he really likes you.”

Zoey smiled and then gave me a sideways look and a knowing smirk.

“And how are you? And Sean? With…it?”

“Um….we haven’t stopped having sex for a week, basically.”

“So he’s finally able to-”

“Yeah….and it’s amazing. It is, by far, some of the best sex I’ve ever had.”

This is true. Sean and I have been having the best sex ever and we’ve been doing it almost constantly. In his apartment, in my apartment, in our hallways, in our kitchens, against doors and walls, you name it, we’ve probably had sex on it by this point.

“I thought you looked more sexed up since I last saw you. Which, by the way, I’m sorry I’ve been so M.I.A, you know how it is when you start dating someone.”

“Don’t worry about it; I know you would have made time for me if I really needed you. And I kind of did the same thing once I started dating Sean, anyway. I get it.”

Zoey suddenly gave me a hug.

“What was that for?”

“I’m just really happy with…everything….lately. I’ve felt like a completely different person since I met Wesley. I feel happier.”

Zoey was beaming but the feeling of guilt that had crashed over me was eating me from the inside out.

“Zoey, I need to tell you something.” I said looking at the sink.


I opened my mouth to speak and my voice caught in my throat.

“I-I’m so happy for you. Wesley is just great.”

My shoulders drooped at the lie but Zoey didn’t notice, she continued to talk about Wesley and how much she enjoyed being around him and I just didn’t have the heart to tell her. We left the bathroom shortly thereafter and Sean could tell something was up but he waited until the four of us said our good-byes for the night to ask me about it.

“Did you and Zoey get into a fight or something?”

“No. I tried to tell her about Elise hitting on Wesley but I chickened out. She was talking about how happy she was…I just couldn’t be responsible for destroying her happiness like that. I’m a horrible friend.” I said quietly.

“Faith, stop beating yourself up. This situation with Elise is really complicated and it’s not fair that you’re the only one who’s trying to work through it. Unlike Anna, you’re refusing to deny there’s a problem.”

“Anna isn’t a bad person, Sean, she’s just an optimist…to a fault. She wants to believe that Elise is the same person she was a year ago and she’s just not. I just wish I knew why she’s changed so much.”

“Sometimes there isn’t an explanation, Faith. And more often than not, we never get one.”

Sean pulled me in for a hug and I silently nodded.

Friday, October 15, 2010


Suzy and Dina started their first day today and seem to be fitting in really well. More importantly, I have lunch pals again. Steve called in sick to work today (he’s been battling a nasty flu since last week) so to celebrate my freedom from vegan Steve for lunch the three of us got double cheeseburgers, milkshakes, and cheese fries.

It wasn’t my best moment, to be fair, and I’m sorry that Steve is sick but I needed to eat a cheeseburger without Steve’s scoffs from across the table. I think he’s just jealous. The cheeseburger I had today would have looked delicious to any of the stuff he’s brought to lunch the past month (lettuce wraps filled with shredded cabbage, shredded carrots with black bean paste, dill pickles wrapped in imitation soy turkey). I like Steve, I really do, but I really liked that cheeseburger too.

Anyway, I told Suzy and Dina about my life so far. I’m going to take them to see Sean’s band next weekend since Gerry is going to be fired and I’m assuming won’t be there. Dina’s going to bring her husband and Suzy is going to bring Stormy, the really egotistical news anchor that writes for our paper as well. I haven’t had to work with him too much but from what I can tell, he’s pretty full of himself. Apparently Suzy and Stormy have already scheduled a date.

“You just started here. Do you really think that’s wise?” I asked Suzy.

“Faith, not everyone ends up being groped in their ex-boyfriend’s office. Give me a little professional credit here. We’re adults.”

“Fair enough.” I said reaching for my milkshake.

Dina wasn’t convinced.

“Suzy, what about the office gossip? I’ve heard that Stormy has systematically made his way through all of the female staffers and interns. The only people he apparently hasn’t slept with are Faith, me, and Veronica.”

“I heard that, too.” I added.

It was true. Dating a co-worker isn’t against the paper’s policy guidelines; the only requirement is that the relationship is disclosed to me so we can file paperwork to cover our asses if a sexual harassment issue comes up. I’ve had to fill out that piece of paperwork for nearly all of the female staffers and Stormy. It seems like a weekly occurrence and from what I’ve heard he just kind of cycles through the women when he gets bored. This is something he does at the news station as well. It’s not very professional but I’m covering my professional bases and staying out of it for now.

“Guys, I just want to have some fun, okay. Besides, he’s a funny guy. He makes me laugh.” Suzy said with an air of finality. “Speaking of office gossip, did you guys know that Steve and Tom are dating?”

“What?” I asked.

“Yeah, I heard Tom talking on his phone on the way in today, he was definitely talking to Steve.”

“Suzy, you’ve been working here for half a day. Only you would figure out the juiciest gossip this fast. You should be an investigative reporter instead of a celebrity gossip columnist.” Dina said before biting into her cheeseburger.

“That’s against our policy, Steve knows that. Why would he risk his job like that?” I mused more to myself than to my friends.

“I don’t know, it sounded like Steve. Tom wished whoever he was talking about to get better and that he couldn’t wait to see him later. He offered to bring them soup.”

“So you don’t actually know if it’s Steve.” I said flatly.

“It’s a hunch, Faith. Don’t be surprised if this is true.” Suzy grabbed the ketchup and squirted it on her fries.

“Whatever.” I chose to change topics because Suzy’s “hunch” wasn’t evidence of a possible relationship between Steve and Tom and I didn’t want to gossip about Steve. It just felt wrong.

I talked to Suzy and Dina about Elise and Zoey and asked them for their advice.

“You should tell her.” Dina said quickly.

“Yeah, you should.” Suzy nodded in agreement.

“But Elise said she’d never do it again and I told her I wouldn’t. And, technically, if Zoey doesn’t ask me about it it’s not really lying.” I said weakly.

“Whatever lets you sleep at night.” Dina said.

“Lying by omission is still lying,” Suzy said, “mark my words, Faith, she’ll find out eventually and she deserves to know. Wouldn’t you want to know if it was Sean?”

I mulled over what Suzy was getting at and now I feel guilty. How am I supposed to keep my promise to Elise (and Anna) while being a good friend to Zoey?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Gray Skies are Gonna Clear up Put on a Happy Face

I stayed the night at Sean’s last night (didn't have sex) and left some really important work stuff by mistake so I decided to go over to his apartment over my lunch hour and pick it up. I used my key to get in but I heard voices coming from his living room. Before I could call out, though, Sean looked around the hallway corner.

“Faith….what are you doing here?” He asked.

“I left some files I needed for work. Did I interrupt something?” I looked at him confused.

I started walking toward Sean and got a glimpse into the living room. Guy, Lou, Eddie, and Jake were sitting in various chairs. I waved meekly and looked back at Sean.

“I left them on your coffee table…” I said, pointing to the green folder in the middle of the room.

Sean picked it up and handed it to me before walking me to the door and hastily wishing me a good-bye. He told me he would explain later and kissed me before going back to the living room. Perplexed, I went back to work and let my imagination fly. Sean had looked almost afraid to see me and the looks on his friends’ faces looked grim. I couldn’t help but feel like I wasn’t welcome, which made me sad because Jake had always been friendly with me, but not today.

I sent Sean a text before leaving from work:

“Should I come over or are you still busy?”

He sent me a message inviting me over almost immediately and when I got there, he greeted me at the door.

“Gerry’s out.”

“What?” I said. He had taken me off guard; I hadn’t even set down my purse.

“I talked to the guys and we’re going to start looking for an agent. We’re going to fire Gerry.”

“Oh…that’s great, Sean!”

I went to give him a hug but he had other ideas. His mouth met mine while his hands started for my pants. I was a little shocked but went with it as he pulled me into his bedroom, both of us were pantsless and he was working at my shirt by the time he fell on top of me on his bed. Sean got us both naked in record time and we had some of the most passionate sex I’ve ever had. He was on top of me and my hands were gripping the headboard when we were suddenly frozen with shock. We had both finished at the same time; a beat of silence happened when our eyes met before we burst out laughing.

Sean’s euphoria was pretty evident and I might have cried a little bit. He started kissing me while we laughed and I felt a deep sense of closeness to him, not because we’d finally been able to have uninterrupted sex, but because I realized just how special Sean is to me and that he didn’t just have sex with me, he made love to me (and I hate using that term). He rolled off of me and we just kind of laid there in a happy silence. He reached over and held my hand with a deep sigh. I could practically hear Sean’s stress about all of the things going on with him disappear with that sigh.

“I love you.” He said turning his head to look at me.

I smiled at him and moved to snuggle up in the crook of his arm, he kissed my hair and held me in his arms. I moved some of his hair out of his face and told him I loved him too.

Unfortunately, I had a very hungry cat at home and had to go but I told Sean that we were going on a double date this weekend with Zoey and Wesley and asked him to think about inviting the guys to Zoey’s surprise party. When I left, he looked happier than I’d ever seen him.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Party Job

I got the revisions on the company policy guidelines back last week and Steve and I have been working diligently on brainstorming, adjusting, and resubmitting all of the revisions. Suzy and Dina both got the jobs I gave them notice about because I gave them glowing recommendations when Veronica asked me about them and I am SO excited! I haven’t realized how much I missed them until now. It’ll be great to have them be my lunch buddies again. Don’t get me wrong, Steve is great, but I just miss Suzy and Dina…they didn’t have as many dietary restrictions as Steve the vegan and I never found myself lying to them about working through lunch just so I could eat a chicken salad without immense shame and guilt coming from across the table.

I also finally touched base with Zoey about the double date she promised me with Sean and Wesley. We’re going next Friday since Sean, surprisingly doesn’t have a gig. Dinner and a movie, it should be a lot of fun. Speaking of Zoey, Anna called me up after our less than great time with Elise to talk to me.

“Faith, you can’t just say you’ve moved on when you haven’t. You’re still suspicious of her and you still resent her and you know it.”

I sighed. Anna did have a point, but I really was going to try and move on. I told Elise that I would and it’s only fair that she gets a second chance. We all mess up.

“I’ll get over it, I just need some time.”

“Well, you better start the count-down because Zoey’s birthday is coming up and I want to throw her a surprise party.”

“Really? Zoey doesn’t really like surprises.”

“I think it’ll be fun. I’m going to rent out a party room in this pub she likes and we’ll have the pub cater hors d’oeuvres and free booze. She’ll love it. I thought we could get her a cute Z-shaped cake in leopard print, since that’s so in right now.”

I was kind of taken aback at how much thought Anna had put into this and I have to admit, I was pretty excited just hearing about it.

“That actually sounds….good.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You know what I meant. I think she actually will like this surprise. How can I help?”

“Well, you can help me set up before the party. I don’t want to do balloons because they’re kind of immature and the world is running out of helium, anyway, so I might as well avoid stealing helium from people who really need it like MRI manufacturers and NASA.”

“You know the weirdest stuff….”

“Theo was telling me about it.”

I giggled.

“Anyway, I figured you could bring Sean and he could even bring his friends if he wanted to, so he’s not totally alone.”

“I’ll invite him, do you want me to handle the invites? I can send out an e-vite to whoever you decide to invite and I’ll let you know who RSVPs.”

“That sounds perfect. I’ll also need you to pick up the cake.”

“Okay. What’s Elise going to do?”


I narrowed my eyes as I heard Anna’s trepidation to tell me.

“Nothing. I asked her to help but she’s too busy. I wanted to involve her somehow but she said she’ll be booked up until the party starts with work and her various boyfriends. I didn’t want to push it considering everything that’s happened.”

“Are you sure she’s really that booked?” I asked doubtfully.

“I didn’t want to push the issue. We’re lucky she’s even coming to the party.”

“No we’re not. Elise would come to the party to save her own ass. She knows that if she doesn’t show up Zoey will know what’s up and start digging for the reason.”

“Faith….I thought you were going to let it go?”

“I am, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get this out of my system, first. Anna, when are you going to wake up? She’s not being a very good friend to any of us and especially not Zoey. Looking back, I’m not sure she ever was. She was never on time or respected our time, she was useless during a crisis, and she’s been hitting on Zoey’s boyfriend!”

“I know…”

“Anna, I said I’d get over it, and I will, but being close to Elise probably won’t be an option for me ever again and I hate that I can’t tell Zoey.”

Anna was silent for awhile before I spoke again.

“Do you know how…insecure…Zoey is about Wesley wanting to date her?

“How could I not be?”

“Then you realize how damaging her finding out is, right?”


“Then why are you sort of siding with Elise on this?” I asked exasperated.

“Because, it’s like you said, she deserves a second chance and I’m trying to avoid hurting Zoey, just like you. If we pretend like everything is normal, Zoey can’t catch on. I’m doing a better job of pretending like nothing happened than you are, I might add.”

Anna was right on that point.

“I’ll work on it, okay. I just need time.”


After that Anna said good-bye and I hung up the phone. Murphy was sitting in my lap watching a house plant move in the wind from my open window. I scratched his ears and then gave him a hug. Having a kitty to pet when you’re down really makes things better.

(Author's note: if you haven't seen the one-year anniversary post, please be sure to read it, there is some very important information in it regarding Faith's age.)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

One Year Anniversary- Extremely Important Author's note

Hello friends!

One year ago today I wrote my first Modern Day Faith blog post. As some of you may know, this project started because of a school assignment for a fiction class I was in. I decided to continue writing after the class ended and it's kind of taken off. I love writing this blog but I never thought I'd be writing it a year later and in hindsight I'm going to have to make an extremely weird change to the blog.

When I started writing Modern Day Faith I made Faith 24 because it seemed like a fitting age for her and her group of friends, but now that I've been writing for this long, I feel uncomfortable writing someone who is 25 because I can't really grasp the idea of a mid-twenties woman (I was 21 when I started this blog and I just turned I'm not even half-way to being in my mid-twenties and it just seems really forced to try and write a 25 year old). So I'm making Faith's age stay 24 instead of aging her up a year, the same goes for her friends. This won't change the timeline or events of the blog and everyone else's ages are staying the same but it will be really awkward when I bring up birthdays considering there was no mention of them whatsoever last year. I'm really sorry for this hiccup in the blog and I hope it doesn't bother anyone too much, it was the easiest way for me to address this issue. For the record:

Faith is 23- Birthday is November 4th (she will be turning 24 this Nov. 4th)
Anna is 24-Birthday is June 12th (she turned 24 this past June)
Zoey is 23- Birthday is October 29th (she will be turning 24 this month)
Elise is 24- Birthday is April 15th (she turned 24 this past April)
Sean is 28- Birthday is February 3rd (he turned 28 this past February)
Theo is 28- Birthday is August 9th (he turned 28 this past August)

I'm going to change the blog description to reflect her age but I didn't want to do it without explanation. So, to be succinct: there were no birthdays addressed in my blog over the past year because I couldn't believe I'd still be writing it in a year, but I am writing it a year later and age needs to be addressed.

One last thing: I'm moving at the end of the month and I'm trying to pack and organize things so blog posts might be off-schedule or non-existent on posting days this month. Once I'm settled in, the blog should be up and running again in which I'll be making yet another announcement. That doesn't mean posting will come to a complete standstill, I will still be trying to post every week but a post might be missing occasionally. I know this is frustrating and I've been trying to write longer, more fulfilling posts to combat this, but I feel you have a right to know why a post might not show up occasionally from now until November and I hope you'll still want to read the blog. Faith's story is about to heat up and I think you'll enjoy the stuff that's going to happen, so I hope you'll still stick with this blog (some of you have been reading for a whole YEAR. WOW!).

Thank you for reading and commenting on this blog. You guys make this worthwhile for me and I really hope you're enjoying it. Feel free to leave suggestions, constructive criticism, or theories about what is going to happen in the comments.

(There will not be a post tomorrow (Friday) because I want to make sure all of my readers see this to avoid confusion before I continue on with Faith and her life)

UPDATE: The "big" announcement that I mentioned in my last author's post is the birthday issue I mentioned. The other announcement doesn't affect Faith's story at all and it's not a big deal, I promise, but I can't announce it yet since it's not entirely set in stone and I don't want to jump the gun or jinx it.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Second Chance

I was staring at my glass of water wishing I had never promised Anna I’d hang out with her and Elise. We had reached our fifth extremely awkward silence within twenty minutes of sitting down for lunch. I could see the despair at how badly things were going slowly covering Anna’s face.

“Elise…when’s you’re next photoshoot?”

“Next week. It’s nearly swimsuit season.” Elise took a sip of her water and began tapping her foot on the table leg.

Another awkward silence.

“What’s good here?” I asked while looking at a menu. Our waitress was extremely busy it seemed, it took her 15 minutes just to give us our water glasses and take our drink orders.

“I don’t know….I’ve never been here.” Anna said.

“Me either.” Elise said while reaching for her menu.

We perused the menus in silence until our waitress came back, set down our drinks, and asked us what we wanted. I ordered a turkey melt sandwich with fries and a pickle while Anna ordered a warm chicken pita with a bowl of potato and cheese soup and Elise ordered a strawberry and chicken salad with toasted garlic croutons and a dinner roll. Once our waitress left we were left in silence again.

“I felt the baby kick last week.” Anna said looking from me to Elise.

“Cute! Did Theo get to feel?” I asked genuinely.

“No, I was at work but it kicked later that night before we went to bed and he got to feel it then. He was so funny.”

“That’s awesome.” Elise was trying too hard to pretend to care and it oozed from her voice.

I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes and leaving, but I stayed for Anna’s sake.

“How’s Sean?” Anna asked.

Elise shifted in her seat and looked at me with a bored look.

“He’s alright. He’s been fighting with his manager, though, which has been causing him a lot of pressure. But let’s not talk about Sean…” I trailed off and looked down at my napkin.

“How about you Elise? Are you seeing anyone?” Anna asked.

“I’m seeing about five different guys. Casually.”

“O-Oh.” Anna looked socked but covered well and recomposed herself.

“Wow. I guess we’re really lucky to have been able to hang out with you today. You’re probably really busy going out on dates and working and stuff.” I said trying to salvage our quickly spiraling lunch.

“Yep.” Elise gave a bitchy sigh and I lost it.

“Okay, you know what? That’s it!”

“Faith…please don’t-” Anna started but I cut her off.

“What is your problem? I know you tried hit on our friend’s boyfriend. Can we move on please? This attitude is not cute and I’m SO over it.”

“Ugh, please Faith, get over yourself.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Elise?”

“It means that you are so judgmental of my life choices and you have no room to talk.”

“Elise, I don’t think Faith was say-”

“Stay out of it, Anna.” Elise snapped. She crossed her arms and fell back into her chair.

Our waitress arrived with our food and we started eating in a frosty silence.

“This food is great.” Anna said a little too brightly.

I nodded and stuffed a French fry in my mouth.

“I don’t know what you want from me.” Elise said quietly.

Anna and I froze and I gave Elise a skeptical look.

“Did you know what you were doing?” I asked her.

“I knew I was flirting with him, yes. I realized why I was doing it later.”


“And it was uncalled for.”

“Are you going to do it again?”

“Obviously not.”

“Okay then. I won’t tell Zoey.”

“Just like that?”

“I’m going to need some time to trust you again, but yeah, just like that.”

Almost instantly the three of us were able to move on and salvage the rest of our day. After lunch we stopped at a book shop and I said good-bye to them and then went to meet Molly for our shopping trip. I had a blast! Molly is so much fun to shop with. She’s an actress and is extremely funny. We went to a bunch of thrift shops and found so many vintage dresses.

“That’s really big, I don’t know if you should buy that.” I said when Molly stepped out of a dressing room in what looked like an emerald green wrap-around moo-moo.

“I can take it in. I have awesome sewing skills. Just you wait.”

“Really? I wish I could sew, but I just don’t have the patience.”

“Repairing clothes and taking them in or letting them out is actually how I make money on the side. I learned how in high school and offered to fix things for pay in college and I made a ton of money that way. So when I moved here I got a part-time job at a tailor shop and it gives me a great schedule that lets me audition and work on shows at night. It really worked out great.”

“Wow. Well, now I know where to go to when my fat jeans become my skinny jeans.”

We went to see a movie and while we were waiting for it to start I decided to ask Molly for her advice.

“Have you ever had a friend try to steal your boyfriend?” I asked.

“When I was in high school my best friend did. It ruined high school for me.”


“Yeah. But he turned out to be gay, so it doesn’t really matter.”



“One of my friends hit on my best friend’s boyfriend and I don’t know what to do. I told her I’d move on but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust her again.”

“I see. That’s understandable, though. I mean, what if she hits on Sean?”

I was kind of shocked. That thought had never crossed my mind, maybe because I’m so secure with Sean and his feelings for me, but I had never even thought that Elise might go after him.

“I don’t think she’ll do it again. It’s the first time she’s ever done this and we’ve been friends for two years. Wouldn’t this have happened already if it was something she made a habit of?”

“I don’t really know. Does your other friend know what she did?”

“No…and I said I wouldn’t tell her about it because I think it might be a one time thing.”

“Well…everyone deserves a second chance, right?”

I nodded.


Friday, October 1, 2010

Friends and Foes

I made a new friend last night. Her name is Molly. She has short, curly blonde hair, a bubbly personality, and a great attitude. I met her at Sean’s gig last night at the bar. She’s recently moved to the city from a small town and we really hit it off. In fact, we have a shopping date this weekend.

“I think he is so hot,” Molly giggled as she nodded towards Guy.

“He has a girlfriend.” I said.

“If you’re his girlfriend I’m going to feel like such a ditz…”

“I’m dating the lead guitarist; his name is Sean, that’s how I know Guy has a girlfriend.”

“What about the bassist?”

I smiled and suppressed a laugh.

“He’s engaged-”


“To the keyboardist.”


Molly’s eyes widened in embarrassment and we started laughing together. Sean took a five minute break and came over. I introduced him to Molly and he pulled me aside. I excused myself and followed him. As he was pulling me I noticed Gerry eyeing us with a look I couldn’t quite interpret. When we whipped around the corner I saw Gerry check his phone again.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Sean swooped in for a kiss that was much more passionate than I had expected.

He had me up against a wall, slid his hand under my right knee, pulled my leg up, and tried to hitch it above his waist but I stopped him.

“What are you doing? Not that I’m not enjoying this, but it isn’t very professional…Gerry’s going to get angry.”

As I was talking Sean was undeterred, he started kissing down my neck and unbuttoning my shirt.

“I don’t care about Gerry,” he mumbled in between kisses.

“Sean, did something happen?”

“Nuh-uh.” Sean was becoming even more aggressive and I was losing the will to protest.

“Break’s over.”

We jumped at the sound of Gerry’s voice in the hallway. Sean pulled away from me really fast and tried to stand in front of me and hide me from Gerry. It felt like I was a teenager trying to hide from my parents after kissing a boy on my front porch or something. My face turned hot as Sean nodded, squeezed my hand, and then left for the stage. Gerry and I were left alone in the hallway.

“White lace. Nice,” he sneered looking at my bra, “You might want to stop in the bathroom before meeting up with your blonde friend again, you look like a mess.”

Gerry checked his phone one more time as he turned and walked away. I was left speechless and in a state of shock for a few minutes trying to process what had happened. I went into the bathroom and buttoned the two buttons Sean had gotten undone, smoothed my hair, and readjusted my silver pleated skirt. I had to take a moment to recompose myself before going out to meet Molly again.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry I had to leave for a second, Sean wanted to talk to me about something important.”

“Oh, okay.”

She could sense I wasn’t telling the truth and as a result an extremely awkward silence fell between us. I was feeling worse and more ashamed by the second so I made up an excuse about feeling ill and left. Sean called me later after he got home and I knew it was coming but I just didn’t want to answer the phone. I knew he’d be even more anxious if I didn’t though, so I tried to answer it with a nonchalant attitude.


“Are you okay? Why did you leave so early?”

“I started feeling sick. I would have told you but you were on stage and I knew I wouldn’t be able to last until your next break. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Do you want me to bring you anything?”

“No. No, I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“What do you mean? I’m perfect.”

“So the whole groping-me-in-a-back-hallway thing…that came about from nothing?”

“Oh. THAT. I just felt like being spontaneous.”

“Really? It wasn’t to maybe get back at Gerry?”

Sean sighed into the phone. He knew he’d been figured out.

“When you put it like that it makes me sound like a huge creep. Most of it was wanting to be spontaneous and a little bit of it was wanting to get back at Gerry…”

“Give me a percentage.”

“70 percent spontaneous and 30 percent revenge.”

“I see. So…you used me.”

“Faith, it wasn’t like that-”

“Really Sean? Because you just admitted to it.”

“I messed up.”

“You sure did.”

“How can I fix this?”

“I’ll fix it for you. I’m not going to anymore of your gigs. This fight between you and Gerry is only made worse by my presence in your life, so I’m going to avoid being a presence in your rock star life. I’m not going to be used as a tool in a fight I have no business being involved in.”

Sean was sad that I told him I’d stop going to his gigs but he understood. I didn’t tell him what Gerry had said or that Gerry had even noticed me and I wanted to keep it that way. If Sean knew what Gerry had said or how he’d made me feel, it would only make Sean’s work issues worse and I don’t want and will not be involved in Sean’s work-life. I let him go soon after that and went to sleep dreading my date with Elise and hearing Gerry’s words repeating over and over and over in my head.