Paths

Today was everyone’s last day. We spent most of it packing up our desks and saying good byes. Stormy is talking to me again. We’ve been on speaking terms ever since I ended things with Sean. Speaking of Sean, I haven’t heard from him at all, which I’m taking as a good sign. I’ve lined up a few interviews but I’m not sure that I even want the jobs. They’re all related to HR and after having to tell all of my friends that they don’t have jobs anymore I don’t want to work in HR again. I’ve fired people before but it was almost always because they did something that warranted firing based on the company’s policies. But laying off people I’ve grown to care about? That was so much worse and I haven’t slept well since.

I can’t exactly be picky, though. This is a hard job market to find any job in. I feel like I need a change, though. I do need to find a job soon, though. If I don’t I won’t be able to afford my rent. I have some money saved up and if I have to, I could use it to break my lease and put a down payment on a much smaller more unemployed-budget-friendly apartment. I’ve been thinking about another alternative for awhile, though, and brought up my idea to Stormy.

“Have you seen a lot of apartments?” I asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah. I’ve had to reevaluate the ones I was considering, though, what with being out of work.”

Stormy chose to void his contract with the news station (something Veronica and the investors were NOT happy about) and try freelancing as a journalist and applying to some big papers around the city.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe WE could be roommates.” I said.

“What?” Stormy looked at me skeptically.

“Come on, you’ve been living with me for awhile now. We get along. Our schedules work pretty nicely. We could afford a nicer apartment if we pooled our money.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re both unemployed. And because we have a weird relationship.”

“What? No we don’t.”

“Faith, come on. We both know that I want to be more than your friend.”

I looked away from him.

“You’re not ready. I get that. If I can’t be your boyfriend, then I’ll take being your friend but living with you permanently is probably not a good idea for us. I’m a guest in your house; things would be different if we lived together for real. Besides I think I found a good apartment. I’m planning on putting a down payment on it tomorrow.”

“Oh.” I said trying to hide the sadness in my voice.

Stormy went to pack up some of his things and I thought about what he said. I’m not sure how I feel about him. I like having Stormy as a friend but maybe he’s right. Maybe living with a dude is a dumb idea for me. I seem to mess everything up and I wouldn’t want to ruin the only friendship I have left.

Speaking of the girls, I haven’t heard from them since Zoey left my apartment. I’ve tried calling and texting and sending messages on Facebook and haven’t gotten any responses. I’ve really screwed everything up.

Grim

Veronica called everyone into an all-staff meeting to announce the closing of the paper. I don’t think anyone was prepared. It’s such an unexpected time to lay people off; right in between Christmas and New Year’s. The shock on everyone’s faces was heartbreaking. After Veronica made the announcement and answered some basic questions, she gave the floor to me where I spoke about the severance packages and the option to cancel any contracts an employee might have with the news station. I avoided eye contact with my friends when I mentioned that everyone would be pulled into a meeting with me by the end of next week to go over their severance packages and options. I started with Stormy.

As soon as the door closed, he started yelling.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this!”

“Stormy, you know I couldn’t. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell everyone but it was all confidential.”

“How long have you known about this?”

“That’s…complicated.” I said.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Faith?”

“I’ve known for awhile. I’ve known it was a possibility for even longer than that. But I can’t talk about it, Stormy. It’s all confidential.”

“Are you telling me that the paper has been teetering on the brink of shutting down forever? Is this why the paper was moved to all digital?”

I didn’t say anything. Stormy tiredly fell into a chair across from my desk and looked into the distance, deep in thought.

“Your severance package is very generous.” I said pulling out the file I had made for him months ago, “You’ll be allowed to cancel your contract with the station if you want to.”

Stormy flipped through the file, put it under his arm, and left without a word. I sighed. Not only did I have a meeting with Stormy, but I had them with Steve, Tom, Dina, and Suzy, among others. There were tears, there was yelling and anger; there was confusion, shock, and real pain on people’s faces. My friends looked at me like I had betrayed them. Dina gave me a hug, though.

She told me that she knew I was in an uncomfortable position and that she couldn’t hold it against me. I appreciated her words a lot and I think they got me through the rest of the day. When I came home from work, Stormy wasn’t there. He didn’t show up until really late and I’m pretty sure he’d been out drinking on account of the fact that my apartment smelled like a distillery almost as soon as he walked through the door. I thought it was best to give him his space and let him sleep it off. He’ll talk to me when he’s processed everything.

Humpty Dumpty

Christmas with the family was a good one. It was great to have my brother home, finally. I got back last night and I’m not looking forward to tomorrow since it’ll be the day Veronica announces that we are shutting down. She’ll make the announcement and then everyone will be given a long weekend because of the holiday to recover from the news. Hopefully, Suzy, Dina, and Steve won’t chase me down with pitchforks when they find out. I still haven’t told my parents about my job situation and I have been applying to jobs frantically. Most of them I don’t even have an interest in but I’m in panic mode and I’m applying to any and all jobs that I think I’m qualified for and have a realistic chance of getting. I’m not even sure I want to work in HR anymore. I’ve been looking at jobs outside of HR and feel so out of my element and lost.

Stormy is going to resume his search for an apartment once the holidays are over because so many people are out of town and aren’t available to show apartments. He paid half the rent for this month, which was unexpected but appreciated. I actually kind of like having a roommate. Things don’t seem as lonely with him around, even if he is sleeping on my couch. He’s pretty much the only friend I have right now, besides Murphy, and I think Murphy likes him more than me but that might be because Stormy sneaks him kitty treats a lot.

I’m still being iced out by my friends. I tried calling all of them to wish them a Merry Christmas and no one answered. I wonder if I’m even considered Weatherly’s god mother anymore…I also noticed that Zoey removed me as a Facebook friend. Ouch. I think she’s being overdramatic. What I do with Sean is really none of her business which is why I didn’t tell her or Anna or Molly about it.

I’m trying hard to stay on top of things. It would be really easy to fall apart right now just from the stress of knowing I’m going to be laid off, let alone having all of my friends desert me, feeling so lost with feelings about my career, and stuck in limbo with Sean. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. When did my life become such a huge mess? I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t a giant mess, actually. I’ve been balancing a lot of crap for a long time. Hm. Maybe I should try to get things back on track as a New Year’s Resolution. I think I know the first thing to toss out with the trash, too.

Home Sweet Home

I flew home for Christmas yesterday and it was a really long flight. I’ve been thinking about my fight with Zoey for days. She won’t return my calls or e-mails, neither will Anna or Molly. I’ve been completely frozen out by my friends. I’m angry at Zoey for telling Anna and Molly my business and I don’t think she had any right to do that. There was a reason I hadn’t told any of them about the things that had been going on and this is why. I knew they wouldn’t support me. I don’t think I’m asking them for much. It’s really none of their business who I choose to involve myself with and it’s certainly not their job to judge me for it.

Being home has been really nice even with all of the bad stuff meddling with my thoughts. I’ve really missed my parents. My brother got home from his tour in Afghanistan a few days ago. We didn’t expect him to be home until April but all of the soldiers in Afghanistan are being pulled out and my brother was one of them. He didn’t tell any of us. He showed up at the house and my mom almost had a stroke. There were lots of tears and happiness and the first thing he ate was a cheeseburger from McDonald’s.

I’ve been thinking about how things were last year. I was really doubting my relationship with Sean and I was so unhappy and here I am a year later, still unhappy and doing whatever it is I’m doing with Sean. At the same time it’s a bittersweet memory because things might have been fixable at that point. I don’t know why I keep holding onto thoughts like that about our relationship. I don’t want to be in a relationship with Sean and after what I just did to Randy, I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. I don’t know how my life has turned into what it has. I’m about to be unemployed, my friends have all deserted me, and I’m having sex with someone that I feel constantly confused about. My life is a mess and I have a lot of thinking to do to try and get my act together before I lose everything.

I haven’t heard back from any jobs, meanwhile none of my co-workers are even remotely aware that they are all about to be told they are going to lose their jobs. I’m preparing myself for the fallout that’s sure to come when my work friends find out and feel like I betrayed them. I won’t blame them for feeling that way, either. I would probably feel the same way if it were me. Stormy is the one I’m most worried about since he’s still couch surfing in my apartment (he’s watching Murphy for me while I’m home and I told him he could sleep in my bed instead of on the couch while I’m away). I hope things don’t get super awkward.

The next few weeks are going to be very interesting.

Bombs Away

Veronica pulled me into her office today after lunch.

“Faith, I’m not sure how to say this so I’m going to get right to the point: The paper is being shut down. The investors aren’t impressed with the move to digital and we can’t sustain the paper with our current subscriber base, even if it grows by 100% in the next month. Everyone who doesn’t work in tandem with the news station is going to lose their jobs. I need you to start making severance packages. We’re going to announce the two week notice at the end of December.”

I felt like a bomb had gone off. I would be losing my job, too. Steve, Suzy, Dina…all of us will be unemployed and looking for work during the worst possible time.

“Veronica, you need to tell everyone now. People need to start looking for work as soon as possible.”

“I’m not going to be responsible for ruining everyone’s holidays, Faith. Make sure their severance packages are generous. Here’s the budget we have for those,” she said handing me a budget breakdown, “I’m sorry, Faith.”

I left Veronica’s office in shock. I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I spent the rest of the day reviewing the severance packages I had made when she first told me this was a possibility and I added more to them. People who work with the news station will be receiving less but I think that’s just fair since they’ll still have a paycheck coming in; they’ll also be able to choose whether or not they want to be released from their contracts with the news station to seek out better work.

I feel like a traitor walking around the office pretending like everything is okay, looking at all of my co-workers and friends who are about to be out of a job…I asked Veronica if I could work from home on Monday. She said yes. I think she’s worried I’m going to tell people before she officially announces it. I don’t plan to, though. I don’t want to be the bearer of news like that. Living with Stormy and not telling him is going to be hard but I think it will be okay.

I’ve already started looking for more jobs. I applied to two but I don’t think I want to be in HR anymore. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, actually. It’s not fulfilling for me anymore, especially when things like massive layoffs happen. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how to tell my parents without freaking them out.

A Very Slow Death

Todd and Tanya are almost ready to launch the online version of our paper. It still has to go through the board and Veronica needs to check it over, but I think it’s great and really innovative and I hope they like it. They were showing me all of the features today in the conference room and I can’t believe how they came up with some of these ideas. There are still some glitches that need to be worked out but I sent Veronica an e-mail letting her know that they’ll be ready to present it to her in a few days. None of the staff were aware that we’ve been planning to make the newspaper digital and after reading my e-mail, Veronica decided it was time to tell them. She sent out a mass e-mail to the staff saying that we were going to have a meeting at 5:00pm before everyone left for the day. Immediately the office was full of gossip, panic, and speculation.

“Faith, you would tell us if we’re about to be fired, right?” Suzy asked me during lunch.

“You know what this is about, don’t you?” Dina asked.

“Do Tanya and Todd have anything to do with this? Are they going to replace me and Rose!?” Steve asked.

“Are we going to have to cut half the staff?” Stormy asked.

I didn’t know who to answer first.

“Suzy, Stormy you both know I can’t talk about anything regarding the firing of employees. Steve, Tanya and Todd are not a concern to any jobs here. Dina, I do know but it’s best if Veronica explains it. All four of you should calm down. It’s a good announcement, not a bad one.”

They didn’t seem convinced and kept looking at me with sad, inquisitive eyes until we finished eating lunch and got back to work. When it was time for the meeting, Veronica was a little late and the air was tense. Everyone was sitting at their desks and turned to her when she rounded the corner of the hallway leading to her office with Todd and Tanya at her side. She didn’t beat around the bush and started speaking.

“I’ve asked you all here today because I have a big announcement. We’re going digital. Our paper will no longer be produced on paper, or at least that’s where the future is headed. We hired Tanya and Todd awhile ago, as some of you have noticed, and since then they have been working on an entirely new subscription-based website that we will be launching within the next few weeks. Our goal is to stop printing completely by October. Todd and Tanya have made us a website unlike any others I have seen. People can subscribe on a month-to-month basis or by a yearly basis. They can buy apps in addition to their subscription that will give them the opportunity to have 24/7 news available on their phones. Submitting your articles on deadline will be easier than ever before and that’s why we are going to use our staff as beta-testers for the website when it has gotten approval from our board of investors. We’re going to begin offering digital advertising to the advertisers we currently have and also offering deals to advertisers who are not already partners with us. This will give us a much wider audience and I’m proud of what Todd and Tanya have been able to create. I think you all will be, too.”

And with that Veronica left while Todd and Tanya took questions and explained their ideas to the staff. I gauged the reactions. Some people were confused, others were relieved, but I think the majority of people are wary about this new approach to news coverage. I think they’ll warm up to the idea with time, though. Once all questions had been answered people began packing up their things to leave, including myself. Stormy knocked on my office door as I gathered my stuff.

“Hey.” I smiled.

“What does this all mean?” He asked incredulously.

“We’re moving into the digital age, Stormy, print is dying. We need to make the paper more accessible to more people. We’re just taking the next step to do that. Why do you seem so worried?”

“Because this is just the first sign that something is wrong,” He closed the door to my office, “Faith, is the paper going under? I need to know!”

“Stormy, the paper is fine right now,” I lied, “but the climate for printed newspapers is a volatile one. Look at this as an insurance policy, not a stamp of death.”

He seemed more comforted by that idea but I felt bad that I had to lie to him. I feel bad that I can’t tell everyone that they might want to start looking for jobs but that might just cause unnecessary panic, anyway. The paper might NOT go under; this website might just save us.

I walked home thinking about how scared my friends are about losing their jobs and I don’t blame them. Not having a job IS scary and the newspaper industry seems to let people go so quickly at the first sign of trouble. I wearily opened my apartment door and instantly cheered up.

“Hey! This is a nice surprise!” I said seeing Sean sitting in one of my living room chairs, “You just left, are you back for a break with the band?”

Sean’s eyes were puffy and he stood up and took my hand.

“You should sit down.” He said hoarsely.

“What happened!? Are you okay? Are the guys okay? Did something happen with the tour?” I asked in a panic as I slowly lowered myself in a chair across from him.

“Everyone is fine. I just need to tell you something.”

“Okay.” I said. I felt like I had been drenched in sickening fear.

“Karen is pregnant.”

My whole body felt like lead. I closed my eyes and slowly laid my head on the back of the chair before letting out a harsh laugh and looking at Sean.

“Oh, we are SO over. Get out.”

(Just a reminder: there won't be a post on Monday because it's Labor Day. Have a great long weekend, readers! -del)

Instinct Games

I had lunch with Dina, Suzy, and Steve today at work and told them about my situation with Sean.
“I’m glad you told us, Faith,” Dina said touching my hand, “We were kind of worried. You’ve seemed so down but none of us wanted to ask.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been squashing all of the office gossip about why you were down.” Suzy said stabbing her salad with her fork.
“Um. Thanks.” I said looking down at my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
“Do you know what you’re going to do?” Steve asked.
“No. I’ve been trying to figure it out but I’m really torn about it. I have no idea.”
“Have you guys been talking at all?” Dina asked.
“We’ve been keeping in touch; I’ve been updating him about the fact that I haven’t made a decision yet.” I joked weakly.
“You know I was cheated on once by a guy,” Steve said dipping a pita chip into some vegan humus, “we did get back together afterward but it didn’t last.”
“Oh.”
“Not because of the cheating, Faith, I just got tired of him, honestly. I was able to get past the cheating, actually.”
“Oh.” I said a little more cheerily.
“You know, you should just make a list of pros and cons and use that to decide for you.” Dina said.
“Or flip a coin.” Suzy said.
I changed the subject and finished my lunch listening to the others talk. When the lunch hour was over I checked in with Todd and Tanya on their progress before going back to my office. I struggled to get my work done until I gave in to making a pros and cons list since it had been suggested to me twice now. I kept adding to it in between answering e-mails, phone calls, and filling out paperwork and realized it was getting late. I had some time-sensitive paperwork regarding Tanya and Todd’s payment schedule to finish (it’s not on the same schedule the other staff has because of the uniqueness of their positions and commissions for work) so I ended up staying late. When I finally finished, I stretched in my chair, grabbed my bag, and headed toward the elevator to go home.
I noticed a light on as I came closer to the elevator. Stormy was still at work. I waved at him when I reached the end of the hallway.
“You’re still here?” I asked, “I thought we just made your job easier. You should go home.”
“I took on an extra story.” He said.
“Come on, we can share the elevator.” I said nodding my head toward it.
Stormy thought about it and then shut down his computer. I made small talk while he put his stuff away.
“How’s Rose?” I asked.
“She’s fine. Her roommate is moving out so she’s looking for a new one and is stressed out about it, but it’s not a huge deal. I’m sure she’ll find someone. How’s your fiancé?” He asked.
I silently kicked myself for asking about Rose.
“Um, we’re not engaged anymore. We’re kind of on a break right now.” I mumbled.
Stormy stood up and we started walking towards the elevator. He stopped me before we got there though.
“Faith, I’m really sorry for my behavior after our meeting with Veronica. It was inappropriate and if that’s why he’s-”
“It’s not.” I said before he got farther into it.
“So you guys aren’t together anymore?”
“I’m reassessing our relationship.” I said moving towards the elevator again.
“Oh.” He said.
We both went to push the button on the elevator and our hands touched. Stormy looked at me and our eyes locked. We got closer to each other very slowly, he dropped the briefcase he was holding and held my face in both of his hands, mine were on his chest. Right before our lips touched I realized what I was doing and gently touched his hands and bowed my head.
“Stormy, I can’t. I’m sorry.”
He lowered his hands and we broke apart like opposing magnets.
“No, I’m sorry that was-”
“It’s just that things are really complicated with my boyfriend right now and you’re with Rose. I just don’t need to make things even more difficult.”
“I understand, and like you said, I’m with Rose. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
We kept talking and rambling over each other all the way down on the elevator. It wasn’t until I got out to the lobby and Stormy left in the opposite direction that I realized I’d made my choice about what to do with Sean. I chose Sean in a situation where I wasn’t obligated to. I went with my gut. I sent him a text:
“I’m in.”

New Hires and New Lows

I haven’t had any contact with Sean except for an e-mail I sent to him a few days after my disastrous trip explaining that I was hurt, disappointed, and needed some time to myself to think about whether or not I still wanted to be in a relationship with him. He sent a reply saying that he understood and that he was sorry for hurting me in this way. Anna and Molly have both been told by Zoey about what happened (with my permission) and I think she told them not to bring it up, except to say that they are sorry this happened and that they love and support me.

I got back to work a few days ago but none of my work friends know about what’s happened. I think they know something happened because I’m not wearing my engagement ring, but none of them have been bold enough to ask about it which I’m grateful for. I’ve been distracting myself with work because trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do is too hard. The two people I hired before my unfortunate vacation start this week.

The first person is Tanya. She is a web developer from Silicon Valley and I think she’s perfect for the job. She’s a dirty blonde and dresses in such a way that it makes her look like a lawyer. You wouldn’t think she sat in an office all day and worked on websites. She’s firm but I think she’ll fit in nicely. The second hire I made was Todd. He’s a web designer fluent in all the basic coding to build a website. He’s a recent college grad and was grateful to just get a job. He’s enthusiastic but could probably take a few tips from Tanya on how to dress. He came to work wearing a red Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, and black combat boots. We don’t really have a strict dress code at the office and Todd was cheap and good at what he does so I wasn’t bothered by his odd taste in clothes.

When they arrived at the office this morning I showed them to the conference room on my end of the floor; it’s basically their work area as we don’t have the space to give them their own cubicles or offices. We sat down and I went through a list of what they’d need to get started equipment-wise and once I handed it to Steve to take care of I gave them a tour of the floor and introduced them to the staff. I think they’ll do really well here. I left them in the conference room with a guideline laying out what we wanted for the website so they could brainstorm on ideas until the equipment Steve was organizing arrived.

After I left them there I went to my office and allowed myself to become distracted with thoughts of Sean and our current situation. My sessions with Dr. Sheehan since Sean told me about his infidelity have been extremely difficult for me but what I’ve realized from them is that I won’t know if I want to be with Sean until I know everything that happened. The problem is that Sean can’t just leave the tour to work on our relationship. I sighed and sent him an e-mail.

Sean,

We need to talk about what happened. I have questions I need to have answered before I can decide what I want to do but I refuse to discuss this with you unless you’re here in person. I’m not going to do this over the phone or via e-mail; I think our relationship is worth more than that.

-Faith

Dr. Sheehan suggested I make a list of all the questions I want answers for so that when he and I do talk about this I’ll be able to get ALL of them answered. It’ll be interesting to see if Sean will be able to come back to do this or if he’s going to wait until his scheduled stop in July. I’ve already decided that if he does choose to wait until the scheduled time in July I’m going to end it. Obviously if he’s comfortable waiting that long our relationship isn’t a priority to him anymore and I’m going to let it go.

The Countdown Begins!

Sean is going to have conference calls with Dr. Deerhorn three times a week. He started them a few days ago and he is SO much happier. It’s honestly like night and day, guys. I think his tour mates are also a little thankful, too. I know I would be if I were in their shoes. I’ve been super busy, lately. I had to take Murphy to the vet for his annual check-up amidst one of my busiest weeks at work. I’ve finished all of my “just in case” severance packages for all our employees and our very first employee reviews were due this week. We asked all the writers to turn in evaluations of their peers and Veronica’s assistants were required to turn in their overall performance evaluations of everyone since Veronica is waaaay too busy to do them herself (she doesn’t work as closely with the staff anyway so it’s not that big of a deal).

Veronica was able to get the investors on board with the digital reboot of the paper but they are too skeptical to want it to expand to the station so the paper is going to be the guinea pig and if it does well, they’ll consider boosting the digital reboot to the station, as well. We were given extra funds to hire two web developers/designers to get it started so amongst employee evaluations, severance package overviews, and a trip to the vet, I’ve been conducting interviews. I think I’ve found the two I want to hire but I have three more people coming in soon and one of them seems very promising. Steve is the only person besides Veronica who knows that we’re doing a digital launch of the paper but he doesn’t know the reason why, which I think is a good thing considering that he has the tendency to gossip and a mass firing of everyone would definitely spread like wild fire.

Zoey and Wesley went to Hawaii for a vacation. They get back tomorrow and Zoey has been sending me pictures of all the things they’ve been doing. They went scuba diving and surfing their first day there and then lazed about the second day. The third day they went hiking up to a volcano and took some seriously stunning photos of the view from the top. I don’t know what they’ve done today but I kind of miss her. I’m glad that she’s having such a fun vacation but I really do miss her. Meanwhile, Molly has gone on several dates with Calvin and I think they’re going to be exclusive soon. They haven’t had the talk, yet, but Molly seems hopeful. She also recently went on a slew of auditions and landed a great part in a small show. I can’t wait to be there opening night with flowers. I’m so happy for her.

Anna is doing well with the twins. She occasionally sends me updates on them and how much they are growing. I sent her a birthday card for her 25^th birthday with a gift certificate in it to her favorite restaurant and a silly little coupon for a free round of babysitting from me so she can actually use said gift certificate since the restaurant is pretty nice and not baby or kid-friendly.

I’m counting down until I can surprise Sean, especially since he’s been so much happier. I’m glad I didn’t cancel my trip because after this busy, busy week, I’m going to want that mini-vacation more than anything!

Faith the Consultant

Sean and I have been doing really well. Dr. Deerhorn was open to having scheduled conference calls with Sean and Sean was able to work out a way to have privacy during those calls so everyone on the tour doesn’t get to listen in on his therapy sessions. I had my meeting with Veronica and it went in a direction I didn’t expect. Rose took me to her office when Veronica was ready and I took my seat in front of her.

“I have to say, Faith, I’m surprised at your lack of professionalism.” Her voice was grave.

“I’d like to apologize for my behavior, but I felt like I didn’t have a choice. As the HR rep for our writing staff, I have a responsibility to our employees and you’d been cancelling and putting off meeting with Stormy for months. Veronica, I know you know how much stress he’s been under.”

“Yes, well, thanks to you, I have a feeling Stormy as well as the rest of us will be under much, much more stress in the coming months as you have pretty much put the nail in the coffin of the paper and the station. We’re all going to be out of a job, Faith, and you helped to make that happen.”

“What?” I asked. My mouth had gone dry and my palms were sweaty.

“The paper and the station have been bleeding money. The paper has been in the red since we started and it hasn’t gotten any better. Our investors are frustrated and unless I can fix this in the next 6 months, we’ll all be unemployed.”

“What does that have to do with Stormy?” I asked not understanding the connection to my role in this.

“Stormy was the only thing bringing in viewership and readership to the station. He has a following that covers all the important demographics for viewership and readership and was the only thing bringing in more subscribers and viewers. He was the only thing that brought some hope to this dismal situation the paper and station are in and now that he’s not going to be on the station anymore, we might as well close both factions because print is dying a very fast death.”

“Have you given surveys to the readers and viewers to see what they want?” I asked.

Veronica looked off guard at my question.

“Yes, why?”

“May I see the conclusions?”

Veronica handed me a few stacks of paper and I quickly flipped through them. Veronica wasn’t lying, the numbers of viewers/readers projected for this month were the lowest they’d been since we started and the advertisers were starting to pull out. I don’t envy Veronica’s job, that’s for sure, but I saw something hopeful that she might have overlooked.

“Our 18-30 demographic used to be really strong but they started dropping off a few months ago.”

“And?” Veronica was getting impatient.

“Why don’t we do an electronic newspaper app for phones or a website for subscribers? We wouldn’t have to pay for printing costs anymore if we went completely digital and we might be able to regain a majority of the 18-30 demographic we’ve lost if we spend the time to make the paper more digitally connected. People are addicted to their computers and smartphones and being able to have 24/7 news from our paper may be the thing to increase the numbers. You could even incorporate it into the news broadcast from the station. Stormy could be the anchor that introduces it since he has the most clout with viewers and he could even highlight stories from it during the broadcast. It would ease his workload and he might be able to do more with either the paper or the station.”

Veronica blinked at me. She was speechless. I continued on.

“We have enough budget set aside for two summer interns, but what if we used that money to hire two web designers to set this up for us instead? They could maintain it and update it and attract advertisers with a good design. If we get enough advertisers the money from that should pay for their salaries within months.”

I handed the papers back to her and waited for her response.

“I’d have to talk with the investors…” I could see the gears turning in Veronica’s head and I saw hope in her eyes after a few moments, “You know, Faith, you should really be working in a consulting firm.”

I thanked her and then she dismissed me, so I guess I’m not in too much trouble with her; I’m definitely not fired, that’s for sure. Veronica is going to see if we can work this out budget-wise and then present it to the investors. It’s a last ditch effort to save the paper and the station. Before I left, Veronica told me that this was a confidential meeting and that the employees are not to find out about the struggles behind the scenes until absolutely necessary. I’m not going to tell anyone but I am going to start trying to put together severance packages for everyone so if we all really do end up out of a job, at least I won’t have to do that amidst the panic of everyone coming to me wondering if they’re going to be taken care of. I’m going to try and get a severance package together for every single employee. Just in case it’s needed.

A Whole Lot of Unexpected

I woke up to a happy anniversary text from Sean and smiled. He told me he was sorry that we couldn’t be together and we sent some flirty texts back and forth until I eventually had to go to work. I had my big meeting today and I felt prepared and determined to get through it as professionally as possible as I walked into my office. Honestly, I didn’t get much work done before lunch because I was so focused on the time. I was meeting Veronica at the restaurant in our building’s lobby (the one she took me to when we first met) and exactly 10 minutes later, the HR station rep and Stormy were supposed to join us.

I think I was sort of nervous about this meeting, to be honest. I kept tapping my foot on the side of my desk and I was restless waiting for the time to pass. The only thing I managed to get done was to go over Stormy’s contract and the conditions he was hired under for the paper. When the clock hands finally got close to the meeting time, I got up and left my office. Steve waved at me as I left and whispered a “good luck!” when I waved back.

The ride down to the lobby on the elevator was the longest experience of my life and I could feel my accelerated heartbeat. I kept thinking about how ridiculous it was that I was so nervous until I realized just what I was risking by planning this sneak attack on Veronica. I could get in serious trouble but when I thought about Stormy and how ragged he’d been; how severely his health was being affected by being overtaxed with work, I knew it was worth the risk. I am responsible for the morale of our employees and it would have been irresponsible for me to ignore this issue.

Veronica was waiting for me and smiled at my arrival. We made small talk until we were sat by the hostess and then chatted over the menus.

“So, Faith, I imagine you want to talk about the summer interns and what they’ll need to do?”

“Actually, no,” I said seeing Stormy and the HR station rep walking toward our table, “We need to talk about Stormy and I’ve invited him and the station HR rep to join us in this meeting today.”

“I see.” Veronica said. Her voice was constricted.

Veronica’s mouth grew very taut but she greeted Stormy and Patricia (the HR station rep) as they sat at the table.

A waiter came by and we all ordered our meals, Veronica also ordered a double gin and tonic. None of us wanted to bring it up but Patricia, Stormy, and I all shared a look that collectively said, “This is not a good sign.” We all made small talk for a bit until the food came, which in hindsight was probably stupid because it allowed Veronica to get pretty buzzed before we even started talking about business.

“So, I’ve looked over Stormy’s requests for less time with the station and I think it’s doable.” Patricia said pulling out a contract with clear edit marks on it, “We can’t give him everything he wants and he’s been very willing to compromise, but we should discuss if there are any things the paper is willing to concede to making things easier for him to work with the station.”

“Sure, such as?” I asked while Veronica looked into her almost empty second gin and tonic glass.

“Well we think it might be easier for Stormy if he covered stories for the station that he would also cover for the paper. It would cut down on his workload quite a bit because he wouldn’t have to prepare for the extra stories the paper and the station have him work for.”

“That sounds like an efficient plan. Stormy how do you feel about this?”

“I would be okay with that, but it might pose a problem since I only cover the crime section for the paper. Is it possible to make it so I cover the wider variety of stories for the paper like I normally do for the station? I know that might mean I write in other people’s categories and leave extra work for Becky (the other crime desk reporter). I don’t know if the other writers will appreciate it if I’m getting stories they expected to write.”

“That’s a good point.” I said, “But I think we’ll be able to work around it and you could co-author some of the bigger stories with the other writers if it starts to cause an issue. Veronica, do you have an opinion about this? Would it be okay with you if Stormy floated around the writer’s floor and didn’t just focus on crime?”

“Whatever.” She said tipping her newly refreshed gin and tonic back. Patricia gave me an “I can’t believe this is actually happening” look.

“Okay,” I said looking over Stormy’s contract, “Patricia would it be possible to also try and limit which stories Stormy is expected to cover. For example, try to keep as many as we can in the crime area so we don’t have him writing too many outside stories?”

“I can look into it. It’ll be a little difficult to try and manage that but I think the producers will be able to do that and with Stormy no longer charging us over time we could probably bring our part-time anchor on more often to cover the stories Stormy won’t be covering. I’ll need to check, but I think it’s doable.”

“Alright!” I said looking over the final edits to Stormy’s contract, “Stormy are you satisfied with these changes? Do you want to discuss anything else?”

“Would it be possible to get more vacation time, either from the studio or the paper?” He asked.

“I think we could probably provide a bit more, at least for the past few weeks where you’ve been working such long hours. I would be prepared to tack on a week of vacation time right now and we could discuss adjusting your vacation time and how it is credited at a later time. Veronica, do you agree?” I asked.

“Whatever.” She said. She was signaling to the waiter to bring her another drink and was quite tipsy at this point. When Veronica looked away, Patricia signaled to the waiter to cut Veronica off.

“Okay, well, I think we’re all on the same page, unless you’d like to add something, Veronica?” Patricia said.

“Nope.” Veronica said.

Stormy shook Patricia’s hand and then mine but when he went to shake Veronica’s she gave him a very limp one that made it really awkward.

“Okay, well, I need to take Stormy to legal so we can get a new contract written up. Thanks for such a…productive lunch.” Patricia said eyeing Veronica. The two of them got up to leave and left me alone with Veronica. Her demeanor changed at once.

“I’m going to have Rose schedule a meeting with you soon about this.” Veronica said angrily, “I’m leaving for the rest of the day, too.”

She grabbed her purse and left through the lobby’s front doors with a bit of difficulty. I sighed with relief and waited for the waiter to come and take the paper’s expense credit card so I could pay and go back upstairs. I have to say I’m kind of surprised just how simple this was to accomplish, although I’m sure Veronica will have much more to say to me later.

As I walked out of the elevator and to my office, Steve bombarded me with questions which I waved off until I got to the hallway leading to my office.

“How’d it go!?” He asked.

“It went really well actually. I think all of us are very happy.” I said.

Steve went to sit at his desk in the alcove next to my office and I went to go relax in my chair for a bit. About 20 minutes later there was a knock on my door. I got up to open it and it was Stormy. He was absolutely beaming.

“I can’t believe you were able to get this all worked out for me. I don’t know how to thank you!” He said pulling me into a hug that was so excited and happy he spun me in a circle that ended with him putting me down and giving me a kiss on the cheek. I started laughing.

“It was-” I stopped and look down the hallway in surprise. Stormy let go of me and followed my eyes.

Sean was standing at the end of the hallway holding a bouquet of flowers. He looked extremely angry.

“Sean!?” I began walking quickly over to him. He didn’t say anything but started walking away from me.

“Sean!” I called again but he was on the elevator and the doors closed before I could get on it. I ran down the stairs to the lobby where Sean was walking out the front doors. I was starting to panic and a sense of dread was coming over me.

“Sean! Wait!” I was practically running to keep up with him. I was finally able to reach his arm and stop him once we were outside.

“Sean? Why are you here?” I asked, “You said you weren’t going to be able to make it.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d surprise you because I had a few hours. Where’s your ring, Faith?” He said hailing a cab and not looking at me.

“What? It’s being sized and cleaned, like you suggested. Why are you leaving already?” I asked trying to get him to look at me. A cab pulled over and he opened the back door but stopped just before getting in and looked at me with a very dark expression.

“I come to surprise you at work and instead I find you and some guy wrapped in a hug with him kissing you and you’re actually asking me why I’m leaving? Let me spell it out for you, Faith: I’m not just leaving; we’re done.” He threw the bouquet of flowers at my feet; it burst apart and was picked up in the wind, “I’d ask for my ring back, but you aren’t wearing it. Some commitment!”

He didn’t wait for me to respond; instead he got in the cab, slammed the door closed, and sped off down the street.

I stood on the sidewalk in shock for awhile. I remember thinking how pretty the flowers were while they blew away. Then I got my phone out and called him. He didn’t answer his phone so I left a message asking him to call me when he’s ready to talk about this and that I loved him and that what he saw was completely innocent. I went back to work and it wasn’t until Steve asked me if I was okay that I realized I was crying. I cleaned myself up in the bathroom and tried calling Sean so many times, each time they were unanswered and eventually it just went straight to voicemail. I left work about an hour early and I’ve felt totally numb ever since.

I’ve been sitting in my apartment hoping my phone will ring and I don’t know what to do. I’ve left Sean so many messages and texts but he won’t listen to me. I’ll try an e-mail next but I think…I think he really meant what he said. I think we really might be over.

Deja Vu

When I got into work this morning I had an e-mail from Karen with prospective dates for a visit and an offer to have someone pick me up at the airport. I immediately booked a hotel in the area Sean’s band would be playing in for mid-to-late June and sent her back a thank you message with the details of my itinerary. Sean called me right when I hit send.

“Hey.” I said.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Eh, nothing, it’s kind of been a slow day at work. I’ve been planning for that really important meeting I told you about. It’s coming up pretty soon.”

“Oh yeah? What-”

Just then Steve came in.

“You wanted these.” He said while handing me some files I’d requested on possible summer intern candidates.

“I did, thank you very much. Could you also pull another copy of Stormy’s contract for me? I want o familiarize myself with the terms.” I said covering my cell phone’s mouthpiece.

“Sure thing.” He said as he closed my door.

“Who was that?” Sean asked angrily.

“Uh. Steve.”

“You’re not at work, are you?”

“What? Yes I am. Where else would I be right now? Are you…are you seriously accusing me of being out with another guy, AGAIN!?” I asked exasperated.

“Who is Steve, Faith?” Sean asked coldly.

“He is my very gay assistant, who is in a committed relationship with a man named Tom. Would you like me to have them both come in here and tell you themselves or can you trust me enough to take my word for it?” I said acidly.

Sean sighed.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said.

“I don’t deserve this, Sean. I’m your fiancée and these kinds of interrogations aren’t warranted at all. If you accuse me of this one more time without any foundation I will end our engagement without hesitation. How can you expect me to marry you when you don’t even trust me to be around my gay assistant while you aren’t around?”

“You’re right. I’m being so, so stupid. I don’t know what my problem is. I know this sounds really dumb but when you freaked out over the Guy situation I think it made me wonder if you were cheating on me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because you were so upset by it! I didn’t know how to interpret it and then you just dropped it and I panicked.”

“I was upset because I’ve been in Guy’s girlfriend’s position before, Sean! I know how it feels! I told you all of this.”

“I know…look I was stupid. Can we just forget about it?”

I sighed.

“Fine. I guess.” I said trying to move on.

Sean told me about the last few shows the band played and about the new computer he bought (I’m picking it up next week and I’ll bring it with me when I visit him in June) before we said good bye. I really hope going to visit him makes him relax for a little bit because this whole insecurity/anger thing is really getting on my nerves and I think I've been very understanding considering what I've been accused of lately.

E-Mails and Paperwork and Contracts, Oh My!

I’ve been thinking about this whole Sean situation and what would be best for him and decided that going to visit him would be a big step in the right direction to make him feel a little more comfortable so I e-mailed Karen:

Karen,

I was wondering if it would be possible to come see Sean on the road. Since you have access to his schedule, do you think you could help me figure out when the best time would be to come visit him? I’d like to make a hotel reservation in the area whenever you decide would be a good time. Also, I think I want this to be a surprise, so don’t tell Sean about it.

-Faith

Right after I hit send Stormy and Rose walked into my office.

“We need to sign some forms disclosing our relationship…again.” Rose said as they sat down in the chairs across from my desk.

“Oh. Okay.” I said walking over to my file cabinet.

Once I got all the forms filled out Rose and Stormy got up to leave but I asked Stormy to say so we could discuss something. Once the door was closed and we were alone I started in.

“You cannot tell Rose about the meeting with Veronica.”

“What? Why?” Stormy asked.

“Because Veronica thinks I’m the only one who is going to be there and if Rose mentions that you’ll be there, too, all of the time and energy we put into tracking Veronica down could go out the window. I don’t want that to happen, do you?”

“Well, no-”

“Good. Are you ready for this meeting? It’s coming up. Have you thought about what you’d like to negotiate your contract for with the station? I’s doubtful they’ll let you out entirely.”

“Honestly, not really. I’ve been so excited that I’m going to have my life back that I’ve been doing other things…”

“Like getting back together with all the women in the office again?” I asked with a smirk.

“No, just Rose. This whole experience has really opened my eyes and made me grow up quite a bit. I’m tired of working nearly 100 hour work weeks, but this experience has at least helped me realize what I really want to do with my career and made me realize how awful I was before. Rose put up with more than she deserved and I realized, later than I should have, how special she is. So, for now, it’s just her.”

“Okay, good, the last thing we need is you pissing her off and then having her spoil all the plans I made with Veronica out of spite.”

“Fair enough.”

“So the only thing I need you to do before the meeting is to think about how you’d like to renegotiate your contract. I made a copy for you so you can bring it to a lawyer or an agent have it looked over if you want to.” I said as I handed it to him, “But please make sure that you have a clear cut list of what you want and what you’re willing to compromise on. You should probably make a list of things you are willing to compromise on for your writing job, as well. I’m sure there will need to be a lot of compromises on both sides.”

“Okay, I will.” He said as he left.

I leaned back in my chair and looked out of the window when he closed the door. I’m going to have a weight lifted off of me once this is debacle is over. The only problem now is to figure out a strategy for this meeting and preparing for the inevitable backlash that I’m going to get from Veronica for doing such a shady thing. I am prepared to defend myself in that regard but I have no plan whatsoever for handling the actual meeting. I need to get on that.

Family

“Sean! I’m home and my clothes are still on….This is unacceptable.” I said when I got home from work.

Murphy was sitting near his food bowl, so I fed him and wandered around my apartment looking for Sean. He was nowhere to be found. On the table in my foyer there was a post-it note from him:

Karen called a band meeting to give us the details of what time we need to be back from our break and the future itinerary. It should take an hour at the most. I’ll bring home a pizza.

-S

P.S: I fed Murphy before I left, so don’t feed him.

I looked over at Murphy.

“Con artist.” I hissed. He meowed at me and went back to munching on his food.

I was kind of bummed that Sean wasn’t home and looked around my apartment; he had cleaned a little bit. I walked into my bedroom and kicked my heels off, changed out of my work clothes, and put on an ancient pair of sweatpants from college and a black tank top before plopping on the couch with some work files and resumes (I get to hire two new interns for the summer!). After about 20 minutes Sean walked in with a fresh pizza, a 2-liter bottle of soda, and cheesy garlic bread. He poked his head around the corner and smiled at me (I melted).

“Hey.”

“Hey you.” I said. He put the box on the coffee table and disappeared into the kitchen only to return a few minutes later with two glasses and two paper plates.

“How was your day?” He sat next to me on the couch and whipped open the pizza box.

“It was great, actually. I think I finally got that situation at work handled.” I said putting my paperwork on the end table and taking the plate Sean handed me.

“That’s good! You’ve been putting a lot of energy into it.”

“How has the vacation from the band been?” I asked.

“You have no idea. I’m so glad to be out of that bus for right now.”

“Why what’s going on?”

“Well, for one, it’s a total pig sty. Two, there’s no privacy and it’s always noisy. And three, you’re not there.”

I smiled.

“But the good thing is that Karen is going to arrange for it to be cleaned over this little break so at least that won’t be a problem anymore and I’ve heard a rumor that the label might get us a second bus which would make the second issue a bit easier. I love the guys, but some of them seriously suck at being roommates. The third problem I can’t fix, though.”

“Well, if you get that second bus maybe Skype sex can be a possibility again.” I giggled.

“By the way, Jake wanted me to tell you that you have a fabulous rack. I agree.” Sean took a bite of pizza.

“And you’re just telling me this now, because?”

“Because now that awkward moment is far enough behind us that we can laugh about it and I can finally look Jake in the eyes again.”

“You’re only okay with him complimenting my awesome boobs because he’s gay.”

“Uh, duh.”

I grabbed a piece of garlic bread and another slice of pizza. It had started raining since Sean got back and we curled up on the couch together and watched a made-for-TV-movie while we finished our dinner. I put the leftovers away while Sean stretched out on the couch and then I snuggled up with him when I came back.

“I’ve missed you kind of a lot.” I said smelling his hair.

My hand was on his chest and he laid his over it. The other he wrapped around the small of my back.

“I’ve kind of missed you a lot, too.” He kissed my forehead.

Murphy jumped up and laid next to our hands on Sean’s chest and started purring.

“I could get used to this.”

“Used to what?” I asked.

“This is like having my own family. You. Murphy. Me. On the couch; together. Oh, by the way…those sweat pants are SO hot.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“Nope. Normally, sweatpants aren’t a huge turn on for me but those have a hole in the crotch and you’re not wearing any underwear so I made an exception.”

“Oh, well, I guess I should take them off, then.” I said rolling off of him and coyly walking to my bedroom. I could hear him laughing but not following me. I threw the sweatpants on his head and immediately heard the shuffle of his feet behind me.

Success

Sean got in last night really late. I tried waiting up but I ended up falling asleep on the couch with Murphy in my lap. Sean let me sleep and took me out to breakfast the next morning before I had to leave for work. It sucks that I couldn’t take off work to spend the whole week with Sean but I figured he could sleep while I was at the office all day. Sean is glad to have a full week off. He told me that, while he loves his bandmates, it’s nice to not have to share a bus with them for a few days. I’m going to have a hard time not just jumping him when I get home today.

Something good did happen this morning, work-wise, though. When I logged into my computer and checked my e-mail I had an e-mail from Rose, Veronica’s secretary, telling me that she confirmed my lunch meeting with Veronica which means I have officially booked her and Stormy’s situation is going to be taken care of within the next few weeks! I was so excited I almost screamed when I read the e-mail.

I wanted to tell Stormy as soon as I could but I didn’t want to tip Veronica off because I’m afraid if she finds out what this meeting is about she’ll figure out a way to get out of it or push it back again, and I am NOT going to let that happen even if it kills me. With the capture and death of Bin Laden, Stormy is being pushed to the brink of deadlines and broadcasting and it’s just not fair to him as an employee but also as a human being. No one should be forced to work this hard and I am not going to tell Stormy that Veronica has cancelled this meeting again, so I had to be sneaky about it.

I sent him an e-mail shortly before lunch that said I needed to talk to him and to meet me in the chicken place around the corner from our building. He came in a few minutes late.

“Ew, why did you pick this place? Everyone hates it and I think Jeff got food poisoning from here.” He said sitting down.

“I know, that’s why I picked it.” I said slyly, “I was able to schedule Veronica for a meeting-”

“What!?”

“Shhhh! I was able to get her to schedule a lunch meeting with me but she does not know that you and the HR rep for the news station will be there with your contract. You can’t tell anyone you’re going to be at this meeting or Veronica might try to get out of it.”

“Are you serious!?” He asked in disbelief.

“Yep. It’s going to happen. I talked to the HR rep and they are willing to renegotiate your contract and they are available for this lunch date. It’s all fallen into place.”

“Faith I don’t know how to thank you.”

“You can buy me a burger. Let’s get out of here. It smells like salmonella.”

“It really does.”

So Stormy and I went to lunch in the bar and grill across from our office building. He was elated and was walking lighter than he has in months. I know this is cheesy, but it felt really good to help him out with this. Other than that great achievement, this work day has been going by so slowly. I’m practically jumping up and down because I’m so excited to go home and see Sean. I only have two more hours to get through.

(Author's Note: What does everyone think of the new color scheme?)

Milestones

I found writing the letter about my feelings for Kevin to be extremely difficult simply because there’s so much for me to write and I was getting overwhelmed with it. I told Dr. Sheehan this at our next session and she helped me organize the main problems I had with the relationship and the aftermath which lead me to write a 5 page letter. Front and back. Then we burned it in her office on a metal disc and it was SO freeing. I really feel like I’ve made so much progress in therapy and that this was a huge milestone for me.

Speaking of progress, I think I might have made some on the Stormy situation at work. Veronica is still dodging me but I contacted the HR person for the news station and asked them if they would be willing to sit down with Veronica, Stormy, and I for a meeting to possibly re-negotiate his contract. They e-mailed me back almost immediately saying that they would be free to do that meeting whenever the time best suited the rest of us. Now I just have to get Veronica cornered in to a time which is obviously going to be the hardest part of this little operation of mine. I’m thinking I might be able to swing it though if I tell her I need to meet with her and make it a lunch meeting. It’s pretty unprofessional of me to schedule her for a meeting with me and invite others without telling her but she’s really given me no other options here. I sent her an e-mail requesting a lunch meeting and I’m waiting back to hear from her. I’m expecting her schedule to be pretty full so, unfortunately for Stormy, it’s probably going to be a few more weeks before we get this thing settled but at least I have a plan in place.

Zoey and I had a great night babysitting the twins. They are such AWESOME babies. They barely cried and their little baby giggles are just adorable. They have also gotten ginormous. Who knew babies grew so quickly? Anna and Theo were thankful for their night off but it was pretty obvious when they got home that that they missed Andrew and Weatherly quite a lot. When I got home to my apartment Murphy was super cuddly.

“Can you smell the babies?” I asked him, “Awww, someone is a jealous kitty. Don’t worry, Murphy, you will always be MY baby.”

I snuggled into bed with my laptop and Murphy and internet surfed for clothes and shoes until I could barely keep my eyes open. It’s been an interesting week. But! Sean should be coming home pretty soon for his longest stay yet and I’ve already started counting the days!

Calm Before the Storm

Things at work have been puttering along. The staff has been under a lot of pressure for deadlines because the news lately has almost been non-stop since January and now with the earthquake in Japan and the stuff happening in Libya….I feel bad for the staff. So to boost morale I had a brunch catered for everyone in the big conference room.

Stormy walked in and started spreading cream cheese on a bagel and he looked ragged. Veronica has successfully pushed back meeting with him at least three times and every week he just looks more and more overwhelmed. It’s starting to show on the news broadcasts, as well. The make-up team can only do so many things for the bags under Stormy’s eyes and I’m starting to think I might have to step in on behalf of the well-being of our employee. I don’t even know if he’s being paid overtime like he should be because that’s technically the responsibility of the station’s head of HR, not me. The paper is supposed to be a side job for Stormy to add a sense of familiarity to the readers that also watch the broadcasts but it’s pretty obvious it’s started taking up more and more of his time.

“Here,” I said handing him a cup of coffee, “You look really tired.”

“Thanks, I know I look like hell.” He gulped the coffee down and shoved the bagel in his mouth, “Gotta get back to work.”

I decided to go back to work and not bother him. He was already stressed out and me butting in and asking him about how he was feeling wasn’t going to help him, really. I ended up catching up on some work I’d put off until the very last minute and ended up staying at work until almost 8. I put my coat on and grabbed my bag in my office and headed out. I got in the hallway to my office and noticed someone’s light was still on. When I turned the corner Stormy was sitting at his desk looking tortured. I smiled sadly before walking up to him and throwing his jacket on his lap.

“Come on,” I said, “I’m going to take you out for a beer. You need food, too. Let’s go.”

“I can’t, I’ve got to finish this by the end of the day.” He sighed.

“The end of the day was three hours ago, dude, let’s go. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Fine but I’ve got to come back here right after.” He said grabbing his jacket and following me to the elevators.

“Deal.” I said.

We went to the bar across from our building and I bought us both two beers and cheeseburgers with fries.

“When was the last time you slept?” I asked.

“I’ve been up for 36 hours and counting.” He sounded miserable.

“Why don’t you ask for some time off?” I suggested.

“Because Veronica can fire me from being a writer but she can’t fire me as a newscaster. I’m still on contract. The one job I want out of would need to be negotiated with her and if I take time off she’ll fire me from the job she knows I want and keep me as a newscaster.”

“You can’t be fired for taking two days off from work, Stormy.”

“It’ll still look bad or when the time comes to actually talk about this with Veronica. Come on Faith, she’s cancelled this meeting constantly, she knows what I’m going to ask for and she doesn’t want to deal with it so she’s just stringing me along by rescheduling it. You know it, I know it, and she definitely knows it.”

“Is waiting until your contract expires and then not renewing it an option?” I asked.

“It doesn’t expire for another two years. I can’t do this for much longer let alone two more years.”

“Okay, look. I’ll talk to Veronica to see if we can get your deadlines reduced, at least for now so you don’t die from some sort of stress-induced ulcer. That will buy you some time before spiraling into a breakdown until she talks with you. I will also ask her to meet with you soon.”

“Thanks Faith.” Stormy said.

“It’s what friends are for.” I said smiling at him.

We ate in silence for a little while before Stormy spoke again.

“So it’s true, huh? The rock is huge.”

I looked down at my engagement ring and laughed.

“Yeah, it’s true.”

“So he’s your guy?”

“He’s my guy.”

“Damn.”

I laughed at Stormy.

“You’ll find someone, it’s just not me. It never was.” I touched his arm to comfort him.

“A guy can hope, right? Don’t kick me while I’m down, Faith.”

“Fine you can hope but it’s never going to happen so you should move on.”

“Ouch.”

We joked around and laughed some more before we finished eating and Stormy looked like he had at least a little more energy than before. I said good-bye to him outside of our building before he left to go work some more. I feel bad for the guy and avoiding difficult subjects just doesn’t seem like Veronica to me. I’ll have to figure out what the problem is when I talk to her about him soon.

Planning

Things at work have been really hectic for our writing staff, lately. I feel bad for Stormy because he’s basically been working two full-time jobs what with all the news he’s got to write about and then report on at night for the program and Veronica has always been a hard worker but I’m starting to wonder if she ever leaves her office. For the past month she’s been here before everyone else and always seems to stay late.

Stormy walked into my office this morning with dark circles under his eyes and wearing disheveled clothes.

“Long week?” I asked as he plopped down in my office.

“That’s an understatement. I talked to Rose about the Veronica thing.”

“And what did she recommend?” I asked.

“Well, after some awkward exchanges, she basically told me not to do it until things calm down news-wise.”

“Well, that’s not really unexpected advice.”

“Yeah but I can’t keep up with my work, Faith. I don’t know how much longer I can work these hours.”

“What do you need me to do?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I just need to suck it up and talk to Veronica. Do you think you could be involved in that meeting since it sort of involves you?”

“I suppose, but the HR person for the news station would be more appropriate since you’re interested in getting out from under that.”

“You’re so much nicer, though. The people at the station hate me.”

I smirked a little at this. It’s no secret that Stormy had a serious ego before getting it shrunken down when he revisited being a serious journalist. From what I’ve heard, he doesn’t have a lot of fans at the station. He’s dated practically every woman in our office as well as the station and it makes for some very uncomfortable moments between him and his co-host that the crew is pretty fed up with. Stormy brings in a lot of viewers, though, so the behavior is put up with. It was refreshing to know that Stormy at least knew he was not very well-liked. I told him I would sit in as long as the other HR rep did and that he would need to let me know when he planned to do it. He begrudgingly left my office when I had two more visitors.

“Faith? We need to fill out some paperwork with you…” Steve walked into my office with Tom, one of our gossip columnists, ad closed the door behind him.

“Which kind?”

“The kind that shares our relationship status and bars us from filing a sexual harassment suit should things go south.” Steve replied as he sat down across from me. Tom sat in the chair next to him.

“Oh, okay.” I smiled and gave them the forms.

In about two minutes they were all set. Tom got up to leave and Steve closed the door behind him before quickly turning around and looking at me.

“Oh my God, how cute is he, right?” Steve came and sat back down in the chair across from me.

“He is pretty cute, Steve.”

“We’ve been thinking about officially getting together for awhile and it finally happened!”

Steve was beaming. I felt really happy for him (and relieved that he wasn’t breaking the rules he helped create). He gushed for awhile in my office before I got back to work. I’m really excited for this trip Sean and I are going on. My bag has been packed since yesterday and I can’t wait to leave early tomorrow from work to head tot his awesome hotel. Sean showed me the brochure and it is going to be AWESOME.

Guilt

Suzy and Dina started their first day today and seem to be fitting in really well. More importantly, I have lunch pals again. Steve called in sick to work today (he’s been battling a nasty flu since last week) so to celebrate my freedom from vegan Steve for lunch the three of us got double cheeseburgers, milkshakes, and cheese fries.

It wasn’t my best moment, to be fair, and I’m sorry that Steve is sick but I needed to eat a cheeseburger without Steve’s scoffs from across the table. I think he’s just jealous. The cheeseburger I had today would have looked delicious to any of the stuff he’s brought to lunch the past month (lettuce wraps filled with shredded cabbage, shredded carrots with black bean paste, dill pickles wrapped in imitation soy turkey). I like Steve, I really do, but I really liked that cheeseburger too.

Anyway, I told Suzy and Dina about my life so far. I’m going to take them to see Sean’s band next weekend since Gerry is going to be fired and I’m assuming won’t be there. Dina’s going to bring her husband and Suzy is going to bring Stormy, the really egotistical news anchor that writes for our paper as well. I haven’t had to work with him too much but from what I can tell, he’s pretty full of himself. Apparently Suzy and Stormy have already scheduled a date.

“You just started here. Do you really think that’s wise?” I asked Suzy.

“Faith, not everyone ends up being groped in their ex-boyfriend’s office. Give me a little professional credit here. We’re adults.”

“Fair enough.” I said reaching for my milkshake.

Dina wasn’t convinced.

“Suzy, what about the office gossip? I’ve heard that Stormy has systematically made his way through all of the female staffers and interns. The only people he apparently hasn’t slept with are Faith, me, and Veronica.”

“I heard that, too.” I added.

It was true. Dating a co-worker isn’t against the paper’s policy guidelines; the only requirement is that the relationship is disclosed to me so we can file paperwork to cover our asses if a sexual harassment issue comes up. I’ve had to fill out that piece of paperwork for nearly all of the female staffers and Stormy. It seems like a weekly occurrence and from what I’ve heard he just kind of cycles through the women when he gets bored. This is something he does at the news station as well. It’s not very professional but I’m covering my professional bases and staying out of it for now.

“Guys, I just want to have some fun, okay. Besides, he’s a funny guy. He makes me laugh.” Suzy said with an air of finality. “Speaking of office gossip, did you guys know that Steve and Tom are dating?”

“What?” I asked.

“Yeah, I heard Tom talking on his phone on the way in today, he was definitely talking to Steve.”

“Suzy, you’ve been working here for half a day. Only you would figure out the juiciest gossip this fast. You should be an investigative reporter instead of a celebrity gossip columnist.” Dina said before biting into her cheeseburger.

“That’s against our policy, Steve knows that. Why would he risk his job like that?” I mused more to myself than to my friends.

“I don’t know, it sounded like Steve. Tom wished whoever he was talking about to get better and that he couldn’t wait to see him later. He offered to bring them soup.”

“So you don’t actually know if it’s Steve.” I said flatly.

“It’s a hunch, Faith. Don’t be surprised if this is true.” Suzy grabbed the ketchup and squirted it on her fries.

“Whatever.” I chose to change topics because Suzy’s “hunch” wasn’t evidence of a possible relationship between Steve and Tom and I didn’t want to gossip about Steve. It just felt wrong.

I talked to Suzy and Dina about Elise and Zoey and asked them for their advice.

“You should tell her.” Dina said quickly.

“Yeah, you should.” Suzy nodded in agreement.

“But Elise said she’d never do it again and I told her I wouldn’t. And, technically, if Zoey doesn’t ask me about it it’s not really lying.” I said weakly.

“Whatever lets you sleep at night.” Dina said.

“Lying by omission is still lying,” Suzy said, “mark my words, Faith, she’ll find out eventually and she deserves to know. Wouldn’t you want to know if it was Sean?”

I mulled over what Suzy was getting at and now I feel guilty. How am I supposed to keep my promise to Elise (and Anna) while being a good friend to Zoey?

The Party Job

I got the revisions on the company policy guidelines back last week and Steve and I have been working diligently on brainstorming, adjusting, and resubmitting all of the revisions. Suzy and Dina both got the jobs I gave them notice about because I gave them glowing recommendations when Veronica asked me about them and I am SO excited! I haven’t realized how much I missed them until now. It’ll be great to have them be my lunch buddies again. Don’t get me wrong, Steve is great, but I just miss Suzy and Dina…they didn’t have as many dietary restrictions as Steve the vegan and I never found myself lying to them about working through lunch just so I could eat a chicken salad without immense shame and guilt coming from across the table.

I also finally touched base with Zoey about the double date she promised me with Sean and Wesley. We’re going next Friday since Sean, surprisingly doesn’t have a gig. Dinner and a movie, it should be a lot of fun. Speaking of Zoey, Anna called me up after our less than great time with Elise to talk to me.

“Faith, you can’t just say you’ve moved on when you haven’t. You’re still suspicious of her and you still resent her and you know it.”

I sighed. Anna did have a point, but I really was going to try and move on. I told Elise that I would and it’s only fair that she gets a second chance. We all mess up.

“I’ll get over it, I just need some time.”

“Well, you better start the count-down because Zoey’s birthday is coming up and I want to throw her a surprise party.”

“Really? Zoey doesn’t really like surprises.”

“I think it’ll be fun. I’m going to rent out a party room in this pub she likes and we’ll have the pub cater hors d’oeuvres and free booze. She’ll love it. I thought we could get her a cute Z-shaped cake in leopard print, since that’s so in right now.”

I was kind of taken aback at how much thought Anna had put into this and I have to admit, I was pretty excited just hearing about it.

“That actually sounds….good.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You know what I meant. I think she actually will like this surprise. How can I help?”

“Well, you can help me set up before the party. I don’t want to do balloons because they’re kind of immature and the world is running out of helium, anyway, so I might as well avoid stealing helium from people who really need it like MRI manufacturers and NASA.”

“You know the weirdest stuff….”

“Theo was telling me about it.”

I giggled.

“Anyway, I figured you could bring Sean and he could even bring his friends if he wanted to, so he’s not totally alone.”

“I’ll invite him, do you want me to handle the invites? I can send out an e-vite to whoever you decide to invite and I’ll let you know who RSVPs.”

“That sounds perfect. I’ll also need you to pick up the cake.”

“Okay. What’s Elise going to do?”

“Uh…”

I narrowed my eyes as I heard Anna’s trepidation to tell me.

“Nothing. I asked her to help but she’s too busy. I wanted to involve her somehow but she said she’ll be booked up until the party starts with work and her various boyfriends. I didn’t want to push it considering everything that’s happened.”

“Are you sure she’s really that booked?” I asked doubtfully.

“I didn’t want to push the issue. We’re lucky she’s even coming to the party.”

“No we’re not. Elise would come to the party to save her own ass. She knows that if she doesn’t show up Zoey will know what’s up and start digging for the reason.”

“Faith….I thought you were going to let it go?”

“I am, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get this out of my system, first. Anna, when are you going to wake up? She’s not being a very good friend to any of us and especially not Zoey. Looking back, I’m not sure she ever was. She was never on time or respected our time, she was useless during a crisis, and she’s been hitting on Zoey’s boyfriend!”

“I know…”

“Anna, I said I’d get over it, and I will, but being close to Elise probably won’t be an option for me ever again and I hate that I can’t tell Zoey.”

Anna was silent for awhile before I spoke again.

“Do you know how…insecure…Zoey is about Wesley wanting to date her?

“How could I not be?”

“Then you realize how damaging her finding out is, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then why are you sort of siding with Elise on this?” I asked exasperated.

“Because, it’s like you said, she deserves a second chance and I’m trying to avoid hurting Zoey, just like you. If we pretend like everything is normal, Zoey can’t catch on. I’m doing a better job of pretending like nothing happened than you are, I might add.”

Anna was right on that point.

“I’ll work on it, okay. I just need time.”

“Alright.”

After that Anna said good-bye and I hung up the phone. Murphy was sitting in my lap watching a house plant move in the wind from my open window. I scratched his ears and then gave him a hug. Having a kitty to pet when you’re down really makes things better.

(Author's note: if you haven't seen the one-year anniversary post, please be sure to read it, there is some very important information in it regarding Faith's age.)