New Hires and New Lows

I haven’t had any contact with Sean except for an e-mail I sent to him a few days after my disastrous trip explaining that I was hurt, disappointed, and needed some time to myself to think about whether or not I still wanted to be in a relationship with him. He sent a reply saying that he understood and that he was sorry for hurting me in this way. Anna and Molly have both been told by Zoey about what happened (with my permission) and I think she told them not to bring it up, except to say that they are sorry this happened and that they love and support me.

I got back to work a few days ago but none of my work friends know about what’s happened. I think they know something happened because I’m not wearing my engagement ring, but none of them have been bold enough to ask about it which I’m grateful for. I’ve been distracting myself with work because trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do is too hard. The two people I hired before my unfortunate vacation start this week.

The first person is Tanya. She is a web developer from Silicon Valley and I think she’s perfect for the job. She’s a dirty blonde and dresses in such a way that it makes her look like a lawyer. You wouldn’t think she sat in an office all day and worked on websites. She’s firm but I think she’ll fit in nicely. The second hire I made was Todd. He’s a web designer fluent in all the basic coding to build a website. He’s a recent college grad and was grateful to just get a job. He’s enthusiastic but could probably take a few tips from Tanya on how to dress. He came to work wearing a red Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, and black combat boots. We don’t really have a strict dress code at the office and Todd was cheap and good at what he does so I wasn’t bothered by his odd taste in clothes.

When they arrived at the office this morning I showed them to the conference room on my end of the floor; it’s basically their work area as we don’t have the space to give them their own cubicles or offices. We sat down and I went through a list of what they’d need to get started equipment-wise and once I handed it to Steve to take care of I gave them a tour of the floor and introduced them to the staff. I think they’ll do really well here. I left them in the conference room with a guideline laying out what we wanted for the website so they could brainstorm on ideas until the equipment Steve was organizing arrived.

After I left them there I went to my office and allowed myself to become distracted with thoughts of Sean and our current situation. My sessions with Dr. Sheehan since Sean told me about his infidelity have been extremely difficult for me but what I’ve realized from them is that I won’t know if I want to be with Sean until I know everything that happened. The problem is that Sean can’t just leave the tour to work on our relationship. I sighed and sent him an e-mail.

Sean,

We need to talk about what happened. I have questions I need to have answered before I can decide what I want to do but I refuse to discuss this with you unless you’re here in person. I’m not going to do this over the phone or via e-mail; I think our relationship is worth more than that.

-Faith

Dr. Sheehan suggested I make a list of all the questions I want answers for so that when he and I do talk about this I’ll be able to get ALL of them answered. It’ll be interesting to see if Sean will be able to come back to do this or if he’s going to wait until his scheduled stop in July. I’ve already decided that if he does choose to wait until the scheduled time in July I’m going to end it. Obviously if he’s comfortable waiting that long our relationship isn’t a priority to him anymore and I’m going to let it go.