The First Dance

Adam and I arrived at the restaurant about 30 minutes before our reservation so we could have a drink at the bar. I had worn the dress Adam had given me and swept my hair back with a silver and crystal (totally fake ones) barette. I wore the necklace Anna had given me and a pair of silver pumps, too.

“This place is the nicest restaurant I have ever been in. I feel like I should take my shoes off so I don’t get the floor dirty.” I said.

Adam laughed and handed me a crystal flute of champagne and then clinked his to mine.

“Congratulations on closing your first show for the Glass Penny, Faith.”

He leaned forward and gave me a sweet kiss but we were interrupted in the middle of it by a woman in an elegant black dress.

“Adam?”

Quick Step

I was being indecisive about my outfit for my date with Mike. We had decided on an evening date and I couldn’t figure out what to wear for it. I wanted to look sexy but I didn’t want to give away the farm and be too over the top. Eventually, I ended up borrowing a dress from Molly. It was a strapless black cocktail dress with a fuller skirt and button details down the front to make it not as dressy. The top of the bust line was inspired by a shirt collar so it was fun but sexy. I wore it with a pair of black platform pumps and silver dangly earrings. I pulled one side of my hair up to keep it out of my face (and used a silver barrette to pull in the earrings) and then curled the rest. Molly suggested a black choker but I vetoed it and decided to accessorize my neck with just a small amount of perfume.

I met Mike on a train platform near my apartment.

“So what are we doing?” I asked coming up to him. He smiled and took me in.

“I thought we’d do dinner and dancing.”

“Oooh fun!” I said taking his arm.

We talked on the train on the way to dinner. He asked me about work and how Murphy was doing and I can honestly say that it was one of the easiest conversations I’ve had with a guy in a really long time. I feel like I’ve forgotten that dates don’t have to be complicated or painful. It was just a really nice train ride. We went to a place that had tablecloths and pretty candle centerpieces.

“This is a really nice place. I’ve never been here before.”

“It’s fairly new. I thought it would be a quiet place for us to talk and get to know one another.”

We were given warm bread and butter before Mike picked out a nice wine. I ordered a five cheese tortellini dish and Mike got spinach and cheese stuffed ravioli and a pasta salad. The food was great and so was the wine but the conversation and company was so much better.

Mike and I talked about our families. He told me about his sisters.

“Sarah is the youngest; she’s a sophomore in college. Then there’s me. Claire is next; she lives in D.C with her boyfriend who’s a law student. She’s a pre-school teacher. And Maggie is the oldest. She lives in Massachusetts with her husband, Jamie, and two kids. What about your brother?”

“Oh, his name is Justin. He’s 26. He lives in New York and got back from being deployed this Christmas. He was in the Marine Corps, but he was honorably discharged a few months ago. Now he’s doing the whole actor thing there.”

“That’s cool! Is he doing theatre work or film work?”

“He’ll take anything at this point. He’s had a sort of rough year. His girlfriend broke up with him and he’s been struggling to find work. He’ll pull through, though.”

“What does he think of you working as a stage manager?” Mike asked before taking a bite of ravioli.

“He was surprised when I told him about it. I don’t think he expected me to get back into theatre after college. I was surprised myself, so I imagine he was even more surprised than I was.”

The conversation flowed all throughout dinner, there was never an awkward silence and we shared a dessert: a Neapolitan mousse.

After we left the restaurant, Mike and I headed over to a bar with hot music and cold beers. Mike is a great dancer, a little nerdy, but fun. We danced for an hour before settling down in a booth and having a beer each. It was refreshing after dancing our behinds off. Once we cooled down a bit, it was time for our date to end. Mike walked me to the train platform while holding my hand the whole time. We stood there awkwardly again. It was the only awkward moment of the date and I was disappointed that he was so nervous.

“Well…I had a really great time with you tonight.” I said rubbing his arm.

“I-I’m glad. Do…do you want to do this again sometime?”

“Yes.” I said.

“O-okay.” He said, “Why don’t you call me?”

“Okay.” I said.

Mike’s face was red and he kept looking down to avoid my eyes.

“Well, I…I should go.” He said. He gave me another hug and then left down the stairs back to the street. I leaned against a light pole and sighed. Suddenly I heard clunking on the stairs and turned around.

“Mike? Is everyth-”

“Faith, can I kiss you?”

I was so surprised but happy.

“Yes.” I smiled.

He leaned down and kissed me gently. I put my hand on his cheek and the other on his chest while his hands rested on the small of my back. Before I knew it my train was pulling into the station and we broke apart. I gave him another quick kiss and waved good-bye as the doors closed. Mike had a goofy smile on his face and waved back.

What a great night.

Marvelous Mike

I met Mike for coffee this morning. He was waiting for me outside a little bistro near Bruno’s.

“Mike?” I said approaching the tall, fit brunette standing nervously by a public mailbox.

“Faith?” He asked, his big brown eyes widening.

I nodded and smiled. We shook hands. I decided to wear myhair down and wavy, with a black and white patterned flowy top and simple blue jeans. I topped it off with a silver mod necklace and a pair of simple black and white polka-dotted flats. Mike was wearing a gray v-neck that accentuated him in all the right places and pair of dark-washed jeans. He held the door open for me when we headed inside.

I got an iced latte and he got an iced cappuccino and a giant bagel for us to share.

“Thank you for the coffee and the bagel.” I said as we sat down in a quiet window nook.

“No problem. I’m really glad you agreed to this, Faith.”

I asked Mike what it was like to work as a fireman. His dad and grandfather were both firemen and he’s been at his house for only two years. He told me about some of the guys he’s worked with and a few stories his dad told about fires before he retired. Mike is a year older than me and three sisters. I told him about my brother and about how I got Murphy. He doesn’t have a dog but they have one at his fire house. Her name is Dolly and he loves her.

“We got her when she was a puppy and I’ve been teaching her all sorts of tricks. I house broke her and made up her little bed for her. She’s a great girl.”

“What kind of dog is she?” I asked.

“A Dalmatian of course!”

We laughed. Mike has a really nice laugh, I feel like I could listen to it for hours. I was genuinely sad when I had to get to work. Mike offered to walk me the block down to Bruno’s.

“I had a really nice time.” I said stopping at the side door to Bruno’s.

“I’d…I’d like to see you again.” He blushed.

“I would love that. When are you free?”

“Well, I think it might be easier to schedule around your work than mine.”

“You’re probably right. Let’s see…Monday is my day off from both jobs, so we could do something then.”

“Monday. Okay. It’s a date.” He said. He smiled and we kind of stood there awkwardly for a few seconds.

I wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss me and was working up the courage or if he wasn’t sure if he should kiss me. I smiled to try and give him a signal but I think he just got nervous. He leaned in like he was going to kiss me but I think he chickened out and we ended up hugging. It was a nice hug but…it would have been nice to get a kiss, too. Oh, well. I’ll just really have to turn up the romance on Monday. Mike said he’d plan the date and that I shouldn’t worry. I’m really excited.

Slip of the Tongue

Brad sent me a text to make sure we were still on for our date I didn’t really have any excuses to cancel, even if I was still bummed about the whole Murphy debacle. I told him that we were still on and he gave me the address of where we were going to meet before I pulled Molly into my room and we started selecting an outfit.

“You should wear this.” She said pulling out a sexy black wrap dress with a plunging neckline.

“No.” I said, crinkling my nose. The dress was a piece that Anna had gotten from work and gave to me after the fire. It was gorgeous and I looked super hot in it…which was the problem.

“Molly, the point is to NOT get Brad interested in dating me.”

“Faith,” she said looking at me with a not-amused look, “You are not going to show up on this date in a pair of sweat pants and a shirt with ketchup stains. You will wear sweatpants on this date over my dead body.”

“I don’t want to wear sweatpants but wearing that dress will send the wrong message.”

Molly sighed and pulled me down so I was sitting across from her on my bed.

“Faith, you know that I think it’s great that you’re dating and having fun but here’s the deal: you can’t run away from having actual relationships with people that go outside of sex.”

“I’m not running away from having a relationship.” I said.

“You’re right; you’re running away from the mere possibility.”

I looked at her indignantly.

“That’s not fair,” I said, “I don’t want a boyfriend right now, Molly. That doesn’t mean I’ll always feel that way.”

“Faith, going out on a date with Brad isn’t going to make him your boyfriend. He knows that, too. All he’s asking you for is the opportunity to get to know you better outside of work and his bed sheets. Now, go put on this damn dress!”

She handed it to me and I went to put it on while she picked out accessories. I came out and Molly whistled before handing me some bright red platform stilettos she pulled from her room and a matching red clutch purse she dug out of the back of my closet. Finally, I put on a simple silver chain drop necklace and matching earrings.

“Um, where did you get these shoes, Molly? They are SUPER slutty.”

“I had to wear them in a show I was in.”

“Which one?”

“Chicago. I was one of the women in the jail that sings about killing their lovers.”

“Are you sure they aren’t too much? I can barely walk in them.”

“You’ll be fine! I had to dance in those! You can walk in them. Now, for your hair, I’m thinking sexy waves.” Molly said holding up my hair in different styles.

“Fine.” I said realizing that arguing was going to be futile.

Molly pushed me out the door with a kiss on the cheek.

“I filled your purse with condoms!” She said waving as I walked down our hallway. Mrs. Hodges, our neighbor, was unlocking her door and heard Molly’s yell. She gave me a dirty look and I walked away trying to hide my face with my clutch completely embarrassed.

“Hi…Mrs. Hodges.” I squeaked as I walked by her to get to the stairs.

I got to the meeting place Brad had specified and saw him waiting for me. He was wearing black jeans and a tight, white shirt with a black button up shirt over it. The black shirt wasn’t buttoned, though. I could see his muscles through his undershirt because it was so tight.

“Hey.” He smiled as soon as he saw me.

“Hi.” I said wobbling slightly because of my shoes.

We stood there awkwardly for a second before I decided to just let go and allow myself to really BE on this date. I leaned into him and kissed him.

“You look amazing.” He said when we pulled away.

“Thanks.” I said putting a strand of hair behind my ear, “So, where are we going?”

Brad smiled and took my hand.

“We’re going to this really cool indoor garden place. They have a restaurant and cobblestone paths and  all sorts of other cool stuff.”

I gulped; trying to walk around in a garden, let alone on cobblestone paths, in the shoes Molly gave me was not going to be very fun.

When we got there, though, I was in awe. The garden was huge and there were swans and a butterfly garden and even a lake with a fountain in the middle of it. Fairy lights were strung between trees and there were small little paths all over the place. There was lots of privacy, too. The restaurant was on one side of the lake so you could watch swans glide across the water and play in the fountain as you ate by candlelight. It was a really romantic place but I could also see the potential of it being casual during the day or maybe even a fun spot for kids to have field trips.

“Brad this is…amazing.” I said as we stood on a bridge over a small river and watched some koi swim by, “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“I’m really glad you like it.” He said leaning over the bridge railing next to me so our arms were touching,“Are you getting hungry?”

“I am.” I said.

He grabbed my hand and we walked to the restaurant. It had white table cloths and each table was surrounded by flowers and ivy and in the center there was a large willow tree that draped over some of the tables. The hostess showed us to our table and we sat down with menus. I ended up ordering a chicken pasta dish and Brad ordered the same and a bottle of wine.

I actually had a really great time over dinner and not just because the food was good but because Brad was so funny and sincere. I told him about Murphy and he reached across the table and rubbed my arm while I talked.

“I’m so sorry it wasn’t him, Faith.

“Me, too. Molly and I had already started talking about clearing a space for his kitty castle and the litter box on the way to that clinic…- I’m sorry, talking about where my cat poops and being a downer is SO not sexy dinner talk.” I said catching myself and feeling embarrassed.

Brad laughed.

“It’s okay. Seeing you tell stories about him makes me happy.”

“Why, are you a cat person?”

“No, because you look happy when you talk about him and seeing you happy makes me happy, too.”

I blushed. I hadn’t seen this side of Brad at work. He seemed so…different on our date. He wasn’t being sarcastic or snarky at all.

When we finished dinner we went for another walk around the garden. Everything was going fine until I fell down.

“Whoa! Are you okay?” Brad asked helping me up. I had skinned my knee.

“I’m fine,” I said inspecting the damage, “It’s just these damn shoes!”

He put his arm around my waist and we continued walking. I tripped two more times before I lost it.

“That is IT!” I said taking off my shoes and walking barefoot.

Brad laughed and offered to hold them for me. We found a small pond alcove with a couple of swans gliding around.

“Here.” He said handing me a piece of bread he had saved from our dinner, “You can feed them.”

I looked at Brad with surprise before I started ripping the bread apart and throwing it into the small pond for the swans.

We sat on a rock and watched them in a comfortable silence. I laid my head on Brad’s shoulder and realized that I felt really comfortable in that moment with him. I entwined my fingers with his and pushed my feet into the grass.

“This is so relaxing.” I said.

“I thought you’d like it here.” He said looking down at me. I tipped my face up to his and we shared a long make-out session that was rudely interrupted by the loud noises the swans started making when they realized I didn’t have any more bread. It startled us so much that we both fell backwards off the rock we were sitting on and ended up in the grass with our legs up in the air.

We both started laughing hysterically before moving on to another area of the garden to watch butterflies flit about.

We left the garden much sooner than I had wanted but it was about to close and we had no choice. I put my shoes back on before we left and ended back up on the street. We ended up walking through a park that was close to my apartment. He walked me to the front of my apartment building.

“I had a nice time, Faith.”

“Me, too.” I said.

“I’ll, uh, see you at work then.” He said putting his hands in his pockets.

“You could…come upstairs.” I said slowly.

He looked like he hadn’t expected such an invitation. I hadn’t, either considering how unwilling I was to go on this date with him.

“For coffee or something.” I added quickly. I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me before he could think more about it. We ended up in the elevator with him pressed against me and his hands up my dress. My mouth was moving across his jaw line and down his neck, his stubble was rough against my face and hurt…but in a good way. When the elevator opened, Brad and I were an entwined mass and very distracted. Someone cleared their throat and we looked up.

“Hi…again…Mrs. Hodges.” I said quickly pulling Brad out of the elevator and past my neighbor. She was taking her trash out and wearing the same angry look on her face from before. As soon as the doors closed, Brad and I burst out laughing.

It took me a long time to get my door open because Brad was distracting me by kissing my neck. The apartment was empty; Molly was acting and wouldn’t be home until very late because she had some suicide hotline hours tonight after the show. I put the keys on the table we have near the door and Brad looked around. I watched him as he took it in. He looked back at me with arched eyebrows.

“It’s nice. I can tell you live here.” He said.

I kicked my shoes off before we got going again and we both laughed about it. I pulled him into my bedroom and sat him on my bed so I could take his shirts off, then I pulled off my dress as he wiggled out of his jeans before he pulled me to him. I was straddling him and kissing his neck.

“You know what the best part is?” I said between kisses.

“No, what?” He said breathing heavily.

“My headboard is against an outer wall…so my neighbors won’t hear it banging when it starts banging into the wall this time.”

We both started laughing.

“My neighbor is probably thankful that we’re here tonight instead.” He said before taking off my bra and trailing down to my chest with soft kisses…

Afterward, Brad and I laid in my bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. We were looking into each other’s eyes and I was playing with his hair.

“I’m glad I decided to go on a date with you.” I said quietly.

“I’m glad you suggested it.” He said.

“You know what’s funny? I didn’t even mean to. That text was supposed to go to Luke. I didn’t want to go at first…” I stopped talking at the look on Brad’s face.

He pulled away from me and I could see the hurt on his face.

“Wait, this was a pity date?”

“No-”

“You only agreed because you were too afraid to say you’d meant for someone else to get that message.”

“It wasn’t like th-”

“That’s a lie and you know it.” He said quietly.

“But I don’t feel that way now.” I said.

He started getting dressed.

“Brad, you don’t have to leave. Let’s talk about this.”

“No, Faith, I DO need to leave. Remember, staying the night is too much commitment for you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Brad this isn’t fair. You know that I’m not interested in having a boyfriend right now.”

“Faith, I wasn’t under the impression that I WAS your boyfriend, the only thing I DID expect from you was to be treated like you cared about me as a friend. It’s obvious you don’t care about me enough to even let me know that you weren’t interested in a date. I’m sorry I wasted your time with this pity date.”

I pulled a big sweatshirt on and followed him out into the living room.

“Brad…just let me explain.”

“I just did!” He said turning around to look at me.

“It wasn’t a pity date. I enjoyed myself tonight.”

“Faith, you usually enjoy yourself when we have sex. Are you sure enjoyed the date or did you just enjoy having sex with me like every other time we spend time together?”

“I was reluctant about going on a date with you because I was worried about you acting like this.” I said gesturing to him.

“Like what? Hurt because you couldn’t even be honest with me?” He turned to go but turned back, “You know what’s really funny? You were so worried about leading Luke on but what did you think was going to happen when you pretended like you WANTED to go on this date with me? You should have been honest with me, Faith. I would have been able to handle it. I even gave you an out! I asked you if we were still on for tonight and you chose not to back out.”

“I didn’t have a good excuse.” I said. I had regretted saying that as soon as it came out of my mouth.

Brad looked at me with complete shock and hurt.

“Faith, we are FRIENDS, you didn’t NEED an excuse to tell me that you were uncomfortable with the thought of going on a date. You could have just told me! Do you not consider me a friend?”

Brad looked so hurt and I felt so bad. I didn’t say anything and Brad took a step away from me before looking away. He nodded slowly as if he was convincing himself about something.

“Bye, Faith.” He said before he slammed the door behind him.

In hindsight, I don’t know why I didn’t tell him that I consider him a friend. I do. I consider him a great friend but maybe I’m more confused about my own feelings than I thought. I’ve been so worried about Luke’s and Brad’s feelings that I don’t think I examined mine as well as I should have. Maybe my fear of leading Brad and Luke on is more founded in the fact that I’m afraid of opening myself up to someone emotionally. I think I’ve been so focused on this idea of labeling someone as my boyfriend that I haven’t considered what actually makes someone my boyfriend and the feelings that go with being in a relationship where your boyfriend didn’t get their tour manager pregnant.

I really screwed things up.

Unfiltered Adultery

Randy and I went out tonight. Before he picked me up I decided that I was definitely going to tell him what happened with Sean but that was a lot more difficult to actually do.

“Hey, you look amazing.” He said when I opened the door, “I got us reservations at this fancy wine bar, I think you’ll really like it.”

I didn’t feel like the beginning of our date was the best time since he made reservations and everything. Dinner was delicious and the wine was excellent but I tried to make sure I didn’t overindulge so I could be clear-headed when we talked later.

We went for a walk in a nearby park because the weather has been unusually warm this year. I was telling Randy about my upcoming house guest.

“Yeah, he’s supposed to show up on Friday. His girlfriend doesn’t know where I live which is why he asked to stay with me for awhile.”

“And you guys work together?”

“Yeah, he’s a journalist and also a part-time newscaster for the television station our paper is connected to.”

“I think that’s really nice of you, Faith, opening your home like that. You’re such a generous person.”

“Thanks.” I said half-heartedly.

I couldn’t bring myself to ruin Randy’s night so I pushed back telling him until we said goodbye for the night.

I was standing at his door and steeled myself up. Randy gave me a kiss before opening the door to his apartment.

“Randy…wait…I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Is everything okay? You look upset?”

“Remember when I told you about my ex-boyfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“His name is Sean and he wasn’t just my ex-boyfriend. We were engaged.”

“Oh, uh, wow.” Randy looked confused.

“The reason I’m telling you this because I-”

Just then Teddy ran around the door and hugged Randy’s waist.

“Daddy! Daddy! Stacy let me watch a movie and we got pizza!”

“Oh, is that so? I’m glad you had fun, buddy.”

“Hi, Faith! You want to come in and play Legos?”

“Hi Teddy, I’m sorry but I can’t tonight, maybe some other time alright?” I said messing up Teddy’s hair.

“Okay. Dad! I want to show you what I built with my Legos! Come on Daddy!”

Teddy started pulling Randy’s hand to make him go and Randy looked at me searchingly.

“Go.” I said, “It wasn’t important.”

Randy waved goodbye and I walked up to my apartment feeling terribly alone.

“Hey.”

“Why are you here?” I asked Sean.

He was leaning against my door.

“Why do I usually come here?”

“Go away.” I said pulling out my keys.

“You look nice, Faith.”

“Yeah, well, I like to look nice when I go out with my boyfriend.”

“Oh. Did you tell him?”

“Have you told Karen yet?”

“Touché.” He said shrugging.

I unlocked my door and let him go in before me.

“Sean I don’t want to keep doing this. I feel terrible about it and I don’t want to lie to Randy anymore. He has a kid. I won’t just be hurting Randy when I tell him.”

“Then why bother telling him? Just break up with him.”

I turned to look at Sean.

“You know…I really thought you were a completely different person. Have you really changed that much since we first met? The person I knew valued honesty and commitment. Who are you?”

“You’ve changed, too, Faith. Things were different a year ago.”

“A year ago, the cracks in our relationship started forming.”

“Things are different now.” He said, “It’s okay if we’ve both grown up since then.”

“But you’re not a better person…the person I was in love with is not who you are anymore. The sooner we both realize that, the better.”

“I think we’ve both realized that we aren’t the same people. But let’s be real, here, Faith, doing this is making it easier for us to move on.”

“Do you really believe that Sean? Doing this is making me miserable, just like our relationship did.”

“Then why did you let me inside just now?” He said eyeing the door.

I didn’t have an answer for him. I looked down and felt my eyes start to burn with hot tears.

“Don’t cry, Faith.” He said hugging me.

He wiped my tears away, lifted my chin up, and pulled my lips to his. I hate myself for enjoying it; for missing his touch; for missing him. Sean actually ended up spending the night. I was getting ready to leave for work when he walked out of my bedroom completely naked. He came up to me and pushed a strand of hair back and kissed my forehead.

“Karen is going to wonder where you are.” I said pouring coffee into my travel mug as an excuse to turn away from him.

“She’s out of town right now.”

“Oh.” I said tightly, “There’s food in the fridge and I made coffee, so feel free to have some before you leave. I have to go to work. Bye.”

I left him in the kitchen. Sean seems so much happier about what we are doing than I am. Maybe he just hides it better than me.

For Starters

My birthday was uneventful this year, which was good considering what happened a year ago around my birthday. My parents sent me a birthday card and the girls took me out to dinner to celebrate. It was a nice low-key get-together and exactly what I wanted. I went out to dinner with Randy tonight to celebrate a belated birthday with him and we had “the talk.”

“So, I’ve stopped seeing other people.” I said trying to sound nonchalant over our bruschetta appetizer.

“You have?” He said keeping his voice calm, “So, are you trying to tell me we’re exclusive now?”

“Yeah.” I said lightly touching his arm, “Except, I think we should take things slow. I like Teddy a lot but I don’t want him to be…” I couldn’t think of the best way to say what I wanted but Randy chimed in.

“You don’t want him to be hurt if things don’t work out.”

“Yeah.” I said exhaling with relief, “I mean, he is adorable and a great kid but…”

“No you’re right. We should be realistic about this. Sometimes relationships don’t work out and it’s better to just acknowledge that sometimes there can be repercussions, especially when kids are involved. I get it. We’ll go slow and introduce Teddy to what we have when we both feel okay about it.”

“Thanks for understanding, Randy. How late is the babysitter staying?” I asked with a seductive not to my voice.

Unfortunately Randy couldn’t stay the night but we did have time to do some fooling around in my apartment before he had to go relieve the babysitter. I wish Randy was a little more adventurous with the sex stuff. It’s not…bad or anything it’s just very vanilla. It makes me feel like we’re one of those married couples that only have sex with the lights off, straight-missionary, and nothing else. Sometimes I get the vibe that he feels guilty when he’s with me, like he feels like he’s cheating on his dead wife or something. Now that I can officially call him my boyfriend, I figure we should have a talk about this the next time he stays the night.

Say My Name

Chris came over last night and I think it’s safe to say we broke up. He ended up storming out of my apartment, told me not to call him again, and slammed the door as he left. It was my fault, too.

Chris came over for dinner, I ordered Chinese, and things started heading toward the bedroom. When we got there he whispered in my ear.

“You know that thing we talked about?”

“No.”

“You know, about going down on you?”

“Oh, that…yeah, what about it?”

“I think I should try it.”

“Oh….OH.” I said as he started trailing kisses down my neck.

Within a few seconds his head was between my legs and I was laying on the edge of my bed with my hands in his hair. For someone who doesn’t do this kind of thing, Chris was really good. So good that I called him Sean by mistake in the heat of the moment.

He immediately stopped and looked up.

“What did you say?”

I had frozen as soon as the name had escaped my lips.

“Uh…n-nothing. I said don’t stop.” I tried to cover feebly.

“No you didn’t you called me some other dude’s name. You called me Sean!”

“It was just a slip.” I said sitting up and trying to fix the damage.

“Who is he?” Chris was getting even angrier.

“We don’t have to do this….we can just go back to-”

“Who is he!?”

“Uhm,” I blew my hair out of my eyes, “My ex-”

“Your ex!?”

“-Fiancé.”

“WHAT!? Oh I am SO out of here.” He pushed himself off the floor and hurriedly started walking to the door while tucking his shirt in.

“Chris, listen, we broke up months ago! It was just a slip, okay?”

“NO! It is NOT okay. I don’t want you to call me again; I don’t want to hear from you. I’m done. Bye, Faith.”

And with that he was gone. I wish I could say I felt bad (I mean…I do feel bad about calling him Sean but not about our break-up) but I just wasn’t all that attached to Chris. He was fun. But that’s about it. He kind of lacked substance and honestly he was pretty wrong for me. So I guess Randy and I are exclusive now. It’s a shame, really. Chris was getting to be pretty good in bed; Randy is still sort of boring. I’m working on that, though.

Shock and Awe

I was freaking out about my date with Randy at work. I was so distracted and kept looking at my phone every five minutes but he never sent me a text cancelling so I got ready when I got home from work and waited until he picked me up. The knock on my door seemed hesitant and was quiet. When I opened it he was dressed nicely which I took to be a god sign.

“Hey,” I said smiling and hiding my surprise that he wasn’t standing me up, “Let me just grab my coat.”

“Actually can we talk in your apartment first?” He asked.

“Oh. Okay.” I said stepping backwards and letting him inside.

He went and sat on the couch and I sat in a chair.

“Look, I think I should explain about this morning…” I said hoping to get everything over with.

“Faith, I don’t care that you’re seeing other guys. We’ve never talked about being exclusive with each other but I just wanted to let you off the hook because you seemed pretty freaked out this morning.”

My mouth was hanging open and he continued talking while I sat there silently.

“I’ll admit that I was pretty jealous and maybe even hurt at first but then I realized how inappropriate that was. You aren’t my girlfriend and I have no claim to you. Even if you were my girlfriend it doesn’t mean I own you but I would hope we would agree upon monogamy if we were dating exclusively.”

“O-okay.” I said absolutely shocked.

“But,” He said taking a deep breath, “I would like to be exclusive with you.”

He sat back and waited for my reply which didn’t come because I was still so shocked that he wasn’t livid and accusing me of cheating on him. He decided to start talking again.

“I know that you probably want to think about it but I just wanted to put it out there so I’m clear about what I’m looking for with you and where I’d like to see this go.”

“O-okay.” I said wondering if I had just agreed to be exclusive with Randy or not.

“Should we go?” He asked standing up. I followed him and grabbed my coat. We went out to dinner and had a nice time. It wasn’t awkward at all but I’m still so amazed that Randy was okay with me seeing other people. I think seeing me with someone else may have sparked something in Randy because he was very affectionate when I invited him in for a piece of pie at the end of our date. He couldn’t stay because the babysitter needed to leave soon so we didn’t have sex but there was definitely some heavy petting and some really hot kissing and touching.

(Author's note: My mom was hit head-on by a drunk driver on Friday afternoon when she was driving back to the elementary school she works at after her lunch break. This is going to be the last post for about a week or so. My mom is going to be okay and will make a full recovery but I've got to place my full focus on my family and not on the blog for right now. Please feel free to speculate about what's going to happen in the comments until I can split my focus back to this blog. I'm sorry, it feels like this blog is never going to catch up with real time. This year has been pretty terrible overall and this Friday has just been the cap to the worst year ever. See you guys in a week or two. -del)

Booty Call Upset

I participated in something last night that can only be summed up as a Booty Call. I was sitting in my living room watching television after dinner and eyed my phone Chris sent me a text:

I’m studying anatomy 2nite & it sux

I was in a mischievous mood so I sent one back to him:

I could help you study. You could come over and study my body instead of the ones in your textbook.

A few minutes later he sent me another text:

U R soooo distracting

I sent Chris another dirty text and it spiraled into a flurry of really hot ones, some of them even made me blush. Eventually he came over and ripped my clothes off. The sex with him is getting better and it’s definitely hotter than it is with Randy. I think that’s because I like spontaneity and Randy can’t be hugely spontaneous because of Teddy but I also think Randy just need to let loose when it comes to sex.

I finally had an orgasm with Chris the third time we had sex last night. We were both exhausted and collapsed onto my bed still entangled with each other.

“You know I don’t regret studying for my anatomy test tomorrow. At all.”

“So this was worth it?” I giggled.

“Uh-huh.” He said nuzzling my neck and rolling on top of me for another round.

Chris’s energy is one thing that’s a perk about dating a guy so much younger than me.

I made coffee in the morning for him while he took a shower and we got pretty intense again in my kitchen when I handed him a cup of it. I actually had to change the tights I was wearing because they were ripped apart and my skirt was so wrinkled from being bunched around my hips that I had to change that, too.

“Sorry about that.” He said when I came out of my bedroom, “and I’m sorry about ripping these last night.” He held up a torn pair of my underwear that had apparently landed on the counter when he took them off me last night in the hallway.

“That’s okay.” I said giving him a seductive smile and throwing the pair of underwear away, “I should probably just stop wearing them when I’m around you.”

We left my apartment together but had to depart in opposite directions so he could go to school and I could go to work. He pulled me in for a kiss before leaving and then waved as he got into a cab. But I was too frozen to wave back. Randy was standing in front of our building and saw the whole thing. Our date tonight should be interesting…

Faith the Green-Eyed Monster

I feel like I’m in a good place right now. Things with Chris and Randy are going well and work is okay. I have a date this Friday night with Randy and a date on Saturday night with Chris. Things are still somewhat tense with the girls but they’re just being unnecessarily judgmental. Anyway, Zoey’s birthday is coming up and the four of us were talking about what she should do for it over dinner.

“You could have a dinner party.” Molly suggested.

“I don’t think I want to cook for a bunch of people on my birthday especially when Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I’m planning on having Thanksgiving at my house since Anna id it last year.”

“You don’t have to do Thanksgiving.” Molly said, “I could do it.

“I want to, especially since we’re all going to be in town for it.”

“Well, except for me.” Anna said. It’s the twins’ first Thanksgiving so Anna and Theo are going to his parents’ place for Thanksgiving and they’re going to her parents’ place for Christmas.

“I was thinking I’d just book a table at a nice restaurant or have a barbecue. Wesley likes to grill, so it would be a win-win if we went that route.” Zoey said.

“A barbecue sounds fun. Do you have the space at your apartment, though?” I asked.

“No, but Wesley does. He actually just moved into a townhouse with a yard.”

“Oh, you never told us that.” Molly said.

“It just happened and it wasn’t planned. His lease was about to come up and he saw this great deal by chance when he took a wrong turn driving to a photo shoot. I only found out a few days ago. I’ve been helping him unpack.”

Zoey told us all about Wesley’s new townhouse and it sounded like the perfect place to hold a barbecue.

“You should definitely have your birthday there.” Anna said.

“I’m sold. I’m having a barbecue. Although, it’ll be a little too chilly to eat outside but that’s okay because the dining room is huge. We could probably get a little bon fire going out in the yard after dusk in one of those earthenware outdoor fireplaces.”

“If you want help decorating or if you want people to bring dishes, you let me know.” Molly said. Anna nodded.

We didn’t talk about my dating life at all and it was really obvious that the three of them were avoiding it as a topic. I mostly talked about work and I told them about my friend date with Stormy and his unfortunate living situation.

“He doesn’t feel like the space is really his because all of his stuff is in storage. Rose sounds like a horrible person to live with.”

“You know, I’ve heard that’s a common problem when people move in together. If you move into your boyfriend’s apartment it never really feels like yours because it used to be only theirs.” Zoey said.

“Theo and I didn’t have that problem when he moved in with me just after graduating from college but I went out of my way to make him feel comfortable. He was there so much before he moved in that it wasn’t a huge transition. But now we live in our townhouse and it belongs to both of us equally. Both of us have our own space. He has his office and I have my craft room. It worked out really well.”

“And see Stormy doesn’t have that because Rose took the spare bedroom for herself. All of it is hers. Honestly, it sounds like he’s still living out of his suitcase because she won’t even give up her closet space.”

“Well, that’s not going to last.” Molly said, “I mean, it sounds like they are on the fast track to a break-up.”

“I’m sure they are.” I said realistically. I didn’t say that to Stormy when he was at my place but I think it was definitely the elephant in the room.

“Wesley and I have been talking about moving in together. I think the townhouse is so new that it would pretty much feel like both of ours. I’ve been considering it since he told me about it. I only have one more month before my lease expires.”

“Well, you guys have been together for over a year. And the timing seems right.” Anna said.

Zoey spoke more about the pros and cons of moving in with Wesley but I wasn’t paying attention. When she announced that she was thinking about moving in with him I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and I’m ashamed to say that I’m jealous of her. Zoey has a near perfect relationship with Wesley. She has never mentioned them fighting, she has never needed me to pick her back up because he cheated on her like she did with me when Sean told me he’d slept with someone else, she’s never needed to vent about something he did that annoyed her…and everyone else is in a relationship except for me. But not just any relationship, they’re in good, healthy ones where trust exists and being content with each other is a normal feeling. I want that and I’m jealous of my friends because they have it (even if Molly refuses to call her relationship with Calvin what it is, it’s still a healthy relationship between two people who don’t want to talk about commitment yet).

Later, I decided to console myself and called Chris. He convinced me to go over to his place.

I was laying in Chris’s bed at the frat house cuddling with him after sex. Since he’s an officer for his Frat, he gets his own room which was the only reason I had agreed to go back to his place in the first place. Chris is much better in bed than Randy is but neither one of them is really getting me where I want to go, if you catch the drift. I think with Randy, he’s just not used to having sex with other women besides his wife but with Chris, I think it’s because of his lack of imagination. So while we were cuddling on his bed under the covers I decided to try and widen his imagination.

“Have you ever gone down on a woman before?” I asked out of the blue.

Chris was shocked and sort of embarrassed at my question.

“Are you blushing?” I teased.

“No!” He said, “I’m just hot.”

“Okay,” I said smirking, “Well, have you?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Have you ever wanted to?” I asked laying my hand on his chest.

“Uh, no. That’s gross.”

“Excuse me?” I said looking at him, “Do you think what I just did to you was gross?”

“Well no, but that’s different.”

“How is it any different?”

“Because with dudes it’s like the perfect shape and with chicks there’s hair and you have to get up in there…yeah gross, I’m not going to stick my nose anywhere near that .” He said matter-of-factly.

“Um, you’re not waxed down there and guys don’t always smell like daisies, either.” I pointed out, “Plus what kind of porn are you watching? You don’t stick your nose-”

“It’s just gross.”

“Apparently not too gross if you’re willing to put your pe-”

“Well, my face isn’t down there. I don’t have to look at it.”

“Okay.” I shrugged, “But I bet if you did go down on women you’d have all sorts of girls wanting to sleep with you.”

“You say that like we’re not going to be together for very long.” He said.

“Well, we’re just having fun for right now. I’m not thinking of the future. Are you?”

“I guess not.” He said with a shrug, “You’re not like other girls. Other girls always want to talk about where the relationship is going and stuff. But you’re fine to just chill.”

“Uh. Thanks.” I said.

After a few more minutes of cuddling I got up to go to the bathroom which was down the hall. I put on one of Chris’s t-shirts hanging on the back of a chair and walked down the hall to loud cat calls and whistles from rooms with the door open. I’m never staying over again. The walk to the bathroom combined with my departure in the morning was enough to make sure I never do again. College boys are so immature and gross.

Questionnaire

I had a date with Randy last night. It was THE night. Honestly, we had a great time but sex with Randy was…underwhelming. It was nice, but it was very vanilla and just alright. He seemed really nervous, though, so I think once he gets a little more comfortable things will get a little better and if not, I can be vocal about what I want if I need to be. We fell asleep together and I woke up in Randy’s arms. Unfortunately he had to go shortly after waking up to relieve the babysitter. He gave me a kiss before asking if we could see each other again and I obviously said yes. We’re actually going to a movie next weekend…Randy scheduled a sleep over at a friend’s for Teddy.

During our date, though, Randy started asking me questions about my life and dating.

“Do you not date a lot?” He asked taking a sip of wine.

“No, I’m a pretty active dater, why?” I asked putting herb butter on the warm bread our waiter had brought.

“Well…I’m just really surprised that you were single when I asked you out.” He said.

“Oh. Um. Well, to be honest, Randy, I was in a relationship until a few months ago. Things didn’t work out, though.”

“Oh.” He said almost with an air of judgment.

“To be fair,” I said before he could make any snap judgments, “the relationship had ended much earlier than our official break-up. We were barely even together for the last few months of it. I only saw him a few times over the last few months.”

“Oh, I’ve had a few relationships like that.” He said.

I almost let out a sigh of relief.

“Before my wife, of course.”

I was hesitant to ask Randy my next question but it slipped out before I could stop myself.

“Randy, how many relationships have you had since she passed away?”

“A few. Only one serious one, though. I’ve been more careful about my relationships since that one, though. Normally I don’t introduce Teddy to anyone until we’ve gotten a lot more serious because it’s hard for him to really understand what’s going on.” His eyes got wide like he thought he’d said something wrong, “That’s not to say that I think you and I have reached that point, you were just the only person besides Stacy I could have watch him on such short notice with us being new to the neighborhood and the building and everything.”

I touched Randy’s hands as he continued to ramble nervously.

“It’s okay, Randy. I wasn’t going to jump to a conclusion like that and freak out.” I smiled, “I really like Teddy, though, for what it’s worth.”

“I don’t know how he turned out the way he did. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Being a single parent is really hard and my wife was such a good mom. She was just so good with him. I try to live up to her parenting skills but I’m sure I fall short a lot of the time.”

“I think you’re a great dad.” I said.

Randy looked like he was really touched. Just then our food came and we started raving about how delicious it was and the conversation continued to flow easily until we made it back to my apartment and our mouths were too busy to continue talking.

Breakfast Companions

I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on my door. It sounded important by the way they kept hammering on. I wrapped myself in a robe and stumbled to the door with bed-head and bleary eyes.

“Randy?”

“Faith, I’m sorry did I wake you?” He asked.

“Uh, no, I was just…”

There was a beat. Randy decided to get to the point.

“I was just called into a huge meeting at work and-”

“It’s Saturday…” I said yawning.

“I know, apparently a huge client came into town and wants to have a meeting with the majority of the staff working on their dime. I’m one of them.”

“Okay…” I said not following where he was going.”

“Look, I normally wouldn’t ask this on such short notice but my babysitter, Stacy, can’t come in today. Do you think you could watch Teddy for a few hours?”

“What?” I said a little more awake.

“It would just be for a few hours and he’s still sleeping. I’ll get back as soon as I can.” He said urgently.

“Um…okay.” I said hesitantly.

I looked down at my clothes. I was wearing fuzzy bunny slippers, pink checkered pajama pants, a lacy camisole, and my silk robe. With no bra. This wasn’t exactly how I planned to meet Randy’s son.

“You will!?” Randy said ecstatically.

“Sure. Let me go change my shirt and brush my teeth.” I said wiping sleep out of my eyes and turning around in the foyer.

“You are a lifesaver, Faith!”

Ten minutes later I was sitting on Randy’s couch with a cup of coffee. Randy gave me a kiss on the forehead before he left. I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew I woke up to a pair of big brown eyes staring at me. I jumped.

“Whoa! Uh…hey there Teddy…”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Faith. I live upstairs. Your dad asked me to watch you for a little while so he could go to a meeting.”

“I’m hungry.” He said shrugging his shoulders, climbing onto the couch, and turning on the Saturday morning cartoons.

“Um. Okay. What would you like?”

“Scrambled eggs!”

“Okay.” I said getting up and going into the kitchen.

It took me awhile but I found everything I needed and within 30 minutes there were scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast sitting on the dining room table with two glasses of chocolate milk.

“Okay. Breakfast is ready, Teddy.”

I heard his footsteps running towards the kitchen and saw him bounding around the corner. He looked really excited.

“My dad never makes scrambled eggs!” He said excitedly.

“Well, he’s a busy guy.” I smiled and started spooning eggs onto his plate.

“My mom used to make them all the time.” He looked down sadly.

I didn’t know what to say so I changed the subject.

“Do you want butter or jelly on your toast?”

About an hour later Randy came home.

“Hey big guy.” He said when Teddy ran up to him and gave him a hug, “Faith treating you okay?”

“She made eggs!” Teddy yelled happily.

“She did? Well did you say thank you?”

Teddy suddenly looked shy, turned towards me, and murmured a “thank you”. Randy told him to go play with his toys in his room and he was gone in seconds.

“He’s cute.” I said.

“Thanks for making breakfast. You really didn’t ha-”

“I wanted to.” I said, “There are some leftovers if you’re interested.”

Randy nodded and I went to heat the eggs and bacon up while a piece of bread was working in the toaster.

“Thanks.” He said as I poured him a glass of orange juice.

“How did the meeting go?” I asked.

“Really well. Thanks.” He said as I put the plate down in front of him.

We talked for awhile before I decided to go back upstairs. Randy walked me to his door.

“I really appreciate this, Faith.” He said holding my hand.

“No problem.” I said smiling.

He leaned in and kissed me softly. We broke away and he looked down.

“Cute slippers.”

I laughed and then turned to leave. He followed me out into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

“Faith, I’d like to take you out on another date sometime soon.”

“Sure. Just call me later, okay?”

“Um.” Randy was blushing.

“What?”

“I’m thinking about asking Stacy to stay the night with Teddy. W-would that be okay with you?”

I looked down and blushed.

“That would be fine.”

Dream Date

Chris and I have been out a few times and he is pretty good in bed, but he’s not very creative. I’ll chock that up to being young, though. His eyes just haven’t been opened to all the possibilities in sex yet. Randy, on the other hand, and I have gone out several times since our last date and I’m still getting excuses on why he can’t stay which is why I wasn’t very excited about our date tonight.

We were going to do the dinner and a movie thing but ended up in the ER. He picked me up at my place and kissed my cheek in greeting before we headed to the train station.

“How is Lady?” I asked making conversation.

“She’s good. I taught her how to roll over the other day.”

“I wish I could teach Murphy cool tricks like that.” I said, “What else can she do?”

“So far, I’ve been able to teach her how to lay down, speak, and sit. We’re still working on stay and handshakes, though.”

We talked about pets all the way to the movie theatre and stood in the lobby trying to decide what to see. Randy got into a playful mood while we play-argued over the best movie to see that ended with us kissing sort of passionately and then going back to debating over a rom com or a thriller. Suddenly, Randy seemed uncomfortable.

“Are you hot?” I asked. He was tugging at the collar of his shirt like he was overheated.

“Uhm…I…did you eat strawberries earlier?” He said sounding panicked.

I had to think. I had eaten some as a snack to hold me over until our date since we would be eating dinner later, after the movie.

“Yes, why?”

“I’m-I’m aller-gic to strawberries.” He was having a hard time breathing.

“Oh my God!” I said.

“Call…an..ammmbbu…”

“I whipped out my cell phone and dialed 9-1-1 as I walked Randy out to the street. He sat on a bench and focused on breathing while I relayed everything to the operator. Within minutes we were in an ambulance heading to the ER. I didn’t say anything while the paramedics gave him medicine in the cab and eventually rolled him into the ER waiting room. He looked swollen and they had put him on oxygen while we were riding to the hospital.

They took Randy back and I sat in the waiting room chairs for about an hour before a nurse came to see me.

“He’s asking for you.” She said before leading me back to his room.

He was in a gown and still on oxygen but he looked a lot better than before.

“Hey.” He said weakly.

“Hi,” I said as the nurse smiled and left, “Randy I am SO sorry. I had no idea…I never would have-”

“It’s okay. How could you have known?” He said, “I’m just sorry we aren’t here under cooler circumstances.” He laughed.

“What?”

“Well an allergy attack isn’t really manly, is it? Maybe if I’d saved a falling baby from a building or pushed someone out of the way of car I’d get some cool points or something.” He laughed again and then started coughing.

I got him some water and shook my head giggling.

“You’ve got plenty of cool points.”

“I’m sorry our date is ruined. I’ll make it up to you.” He said taking the Styrofoam cup of water.

“It’s okay, really. You can’t say it wasn’t exciting or memorable, right?” I joked weakly.

“Faith…I need to tell you something.”

“Okay.” I said with trepidation.

“I…haven’t been completely honest with you.”

I’ve come to hate surprises like this they always end horribly with your boyfriend telling you he cheated on you or that the woman he cheated on you with is pregnant or that he’s engaged.

“I don’t just live with Lady. I have a son.”

I was really caught off guard; but also relieved.

“O-uhhh-oooh.” I said expecting something completely different.

“He’s 7. His mom died three years ago in a car accident. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to tell you. I didn’t want to scare you or make you feel obligated to meet him. I haven’t dated much since she died.”

“So, you’re a widower?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m…I’m so sorry Randy.”

“It’s okay. Teddy and I have done our best to move on.”

“So his name is Teddy and he’s 7?”

“Yeah. He’s in second grade.”

“You could have told me this sooner. I like kids.” I said.

“I’ve felt horrible. Every time I’ve dropped you off at your door I’ve wanted to come in but Teddy doesn’t like to be left with the baby sitter for more than a few hours and-”

“It’s okay, Randy, you don’t have to explain. I understand…really. Do you want me to call the baby sitter and let her know where you are? She’s probably expecting you back soon.”

“Could you?” He asked.

I nodded and he gave me the number. I let Randy know that she would stay until we got back and then sat with him for the next two hours while he was observed. By the time he was discharged, it was past midnight, so I called a cab to take us home. Randy dropped me off at my apartment and went to kiss me but I stopped him.

“Maybe just a hug this time?” I joked.

“Good idea. I’ll make this up to you. I’m so sorry tonight was such a wash, Faith.”

“It’s okay. Feel better, alright?” I said. He nodded, waved, and then headed toward the stairwell. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. At least now I know why Randy has been blowing off my invitations. I really hope that he accepts soon, though.

(And yes, yes I am ignoring the Sean drama for now. How could you tell?)

Oh.

I had my date with Chris last night and it went fine. We made out for awhile and there was some definite boob groping towards the end of the night. I asked if he wanted to come up and “have some coffee” but he blew me off, too! Something about a math exam… Why aren’t the men I’m dating willing to sleep with me!? I would like some meaningless sex please!

But what I really want to talk about are my friends and how much they are annoying me.

Anna, Zoey, Molly, and I went out to breakfast this morning and then to a farmer’s market down my street to shop for fresh produce. I had scrambled eggs, toast, hashbrowns, and an orange juice while Anna had a ham and cheese omelet, a side of strawberries, and coffee; Zoey had a stack of pancakes with a side of bacon, hashbrowns, and a grapefruit juice; and Molly had Belgian waffles with a latte.

“I don’t know why he blew me off you guys! We were having a great time and I made it very clear that we were going-”

“How do you know he was lying though?” Molly asked cutting into her waffles.

“Because who uses that excuse when they are presented with a sure thing?” I said taking a bite of toast.

“Maybe he really did have an early meeting, Faith.” Anna said soothingly over her cup of coffee.

I gave her an eye roll.

“Well, even if he did lie, are you going to go out with him again?” Zoey asked.

“We have another date scheduled for Tuesday.” I said.

“Then why don’t you just ask him if he lied and see what the deal is?” Zoey said.

I sighed.

“No, that would just make things awkward. Besides, if Randy doesn’t want to have sex, then I have someone else who will...eventually.” I said shrugging and putting a forkful of eggs in my mouth.

“Um. Who?” Zoey asked taking a sip of juice.

“This guy I’ve been dating. Well actually two.”

The three of them shared a look.

“Just how many guys are you dating, Faith?” Molly asked.

“Three. Why?”

“Well…what exactly is your goal?” Anna said leaning forward a little.

“What do you mean?” I asked a little angrily.

“What, exactly, are you doing?”

I stared at her blankly.

“Faith, are you really looking to get back into a relationship right now?” Zoey asked after putting her fork down.

“Of course not. I’m just having fun! I’m dating.” I said, “I’m putting myself out there and meeting new people, and, eventually, I’ll be having great sex.”

“Do these three guys know about each other?” Molly asked.

“No. And they don’t need to. I’m not in a relationship with any of them. We are just dating.”

The three of them didn’t say anything.

“What!?” I asked exasperatedly.

“Come on, Faith. Do you really think you should be doing this? Even if you are just having fun do you honestly think you are emotionally ready for getting involved with other guys right now?” Zoey said harshly.

“Yes. I do. I’m fine. I’ve moved on.”

I knew this would eventually come up. I don’t understand why my friends are being so overbearing about my love life right now. Molly dated a bunch of other guys before her and Calvin decided to get into the non-relationship they’re in (nope they still haven’t had “the talk”). I’m just getting myself out there. Isn’t that better than being mopey and self-pitying in my apartment?

“You guys broke up just over a month ago, Faith. You were together for more than a year! You were engaged! There’s a certain amount of grieving time you’re allowed to take…” Anna said.

“And I don’t need it! I spent the majority of my relationship with Sean grieving for our relationship, especially towards the end. It was over as soon as he told me he cheated on me. We may have tried but it was over long before it ended, okay? Can you guys just drop it?” I said getting angry.

“Fine.” Zoey said stonily.

“Faith, have you…uh…heard from him at all?” Molly asked meekly. I glared at her.

“No.”

“Have you been reading the paper?” Anna asked just as meekly.

“I work at a newspaper; I’m up to date on current events.” I said acidly.

“That’s not what we’re talking about…” Zoey said quietly, “Faith, the tour has been put on hiatus. Their last show is in three weeks. He’s not going to be on tour anymore.”

I nearly choked on my eggs.

“WHAT!?” I practically screamed it. People were looking at our table with disgruntled or concerned looks. I could feel my face getting hot.

“Apparently someone was laundering money at his record company and so everything currently happening has to be put on hold during the investigation. The tour has been put on an indefinite hiatus along with everything else the record label was involved in. The article we all saw was that they’ll play in the area like they did before the tour but they can’t continue to the tour until the investigation is completely closed which could take months.” Zoey said.

“Or years.” Anna corrected.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“H-he’s coming back?”

“Looks like it. He didn’t tell you?” Zoey asked.

“We haven’t spoken or been in contact s-since I kicked him out.” I said still in complete shock.

I excused myself, paid my bill, and went home. I don’t know what to think right now. I have my date with Hank tonight and I have to go get ready for it. I don’t know what to say.

Lame

Dinner with Randy last night was really sweet but I’m kind of confused and disappointed. We went to this cool Asian place where they cook the food right in front of you and they do all sorts of cool flips and twists with it while they cook it. It was entertaining and fascinating. I could have watched the chef do all of his crazy tricks for hours.

I was wearing a red dress with a very flattering neckline (it showed off the girls perfectly) and black pumps and my hair was pulled up into a half pony but it was lightly curled so it looked softer than a straight half pony. Randy was wearing a dark blue Henley and dark washed jeans. He had a gray blazer on, too and his light brown hair was just the right touch of messy. If you can’t tell, I really like him.

“So what do you do, Faith?”

“I’m an HR rep for a newspaper that is partnered with a local news station.” I said, “I really like what I do and the people I work with are great. We’re actually about to go completely digital.”

“That’s sounds like a pretty big undertaking.”

“It was, at first, but I think we’re all settling into the change pretty nicely. Hopefully our subscription base will, too.”

We finished dinner and then went to a cupcake bar about a block away. We shared one of the biggest cupcakes I’ve ever seen (red velvet with cream cheese) and drank some coffee. After dessert we decided to go walk in a park nearby that had a gorgeous fountain. It was really romantic to sit there watching the water fall with Randy. It was unusually warm for this time of year so I took my shoes off and put my feet in the water, Randy laughed.

“Are you always this spontaneous?” He asked coyly.

“A little spontaneity never hurt anyone.”

Unfortunately, it just happened to be that moment when a police officer came into the plaza of the park and told me that I wasn’t allowed to put my feet in the fountain. I removed them and turned myself back around while mumbling “sorry, I didn’t know” while Randy giggled at me.

“Okay, so maybe spontaneity can get you into trouble.” I said laughing, “Now my feet are wet.” I said looking down.

“I’ll be right back.” Randy said getting up and walking out of sight. He came back with a handful of napkins. He knelt down and wiped my feet off then put my shoes back on. It was weird, but also oddly sexy at the same time. As he was moving to stand up I leaned in and kissed him.

We went back to our apartment building and were in front of my apartment when things got awkward. We kissed in front of my door for a couple passionate seconds, he had one arm around me and the other wrapped around my shoulders with his hand in my hair. When we broke away I leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked him seductively.

He broke away from me completely and then looked down at his watch; he looked like he was wrestling with himself internally.

“I can’t, Faith, I have a big meeting tomorrow and it’s really early. Rain check?”

“Okay.” I said trying not to sound completely bummed out.

He kissed me good night and then left. I don’t get it. We have great chemistry and it’s obvious we like each other. I thought we had a great time, so why did he blow me off? I couldn’t have made it clearer that we would have sex if he came upstairs and instead he gave me the “I have to wake up early” excuse?! WTF!?

(Today (October 7th) is the two year anniversary of this blog. I can't believe I've kept it up for this long. Thanks for reading and coming back every week, readers, most of the time reading your comments and opinions on what will happen next motivate me to keep this blog going. YOU are the reason I continue to write about Faith. Who knew that a school project would still have a life two years after the fact? -del)

Coffee and Kisses

Randy is great, you guys. He picked me up at about 10:30 and we walked to a café near our building that serves a great brunch. I ordered a vanilla latte and Randy got a caramel mocha. We shared a giant croissant and a fruit salad. He’s an accountant for a big law firm downtown and runs marathons (he’s pretty hot, guys). We got on the subject of pets.

“Murphy was really sick before I adopted him. I saw him at the shelter and the woman wanted me to adopt a kitten, she said Murphy probably wouldn’t live much longer but I decided to adopt him anyway. He gave me a few scares, but he got through it and he’s been doing fine ever since.”

“Lady was the runt of the litter and she was dropped off at a shelter because her owners didn’t want the runt. I adopted her because she was an outcast and I’ve never regretted it. She’s a little hard to train but we’re getting there.”

“She’s a gorgeous dog.” I said.

“Thanks. I have to brush her all the time, but she enjoys it.” He laughed.

“Murphy does okay with brushing, but too much of it makes him agitated.”

We decided to go for a walk in a park nearby. It was the park that Sean and I had had an evening picnic in during a meteor shower a few months ago. I tried not to think about that.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Randy asked as we walked.

“Yeah.” I said. It was cold enough for a sweater but sunny with just a hint of a breeze.

We settled on a bench and watched people ride bikes or play Frisbee with their dogs. It was nice and quiet and comfortable.

“You know, I really like you, Faith.” Randy said. He was wearing a light sweater and his light brown hair was windswept just as it had been the day we met in the mailroom. His blue eyes really popped with his dark blue sweater.

“I like you, too.” I said smiling, “Thank you for the coffee and the breakfast. I really liked it. I’ve had a lot of fun with you today.”

“Enough to do it again, maybe for dinner later this week?”

“I’m free on Wednesday.” I said laughing.

“I’ll pick you up at 7:00.” He smiled and leaned in and kissed me. It was gentle and he seemed nervous about it until I started kissing back. We basically made out on that park bench for five minutes before getting up and walking back to my building. We walked up the stairs together and he kissed me again to say goodbye on the third floor. I’ve been beaming ever since. People at work have been looking at me weird because I’m so much happier than I have been the last few weeks. Steve even gave me a very suggestive eyebrow lift when I walked into my office just now. I was blushing because Randy sent me a text telling me how excited he was about dinner on Wednesday night.

Frat Fun

So, the “friend’s house” that Chris wanted us to go to is actually his frat house, like the house he shares with his frat buddies. I was really annoyed that he didn’t tell me this and made it sound like an obligation. When I got there the party was in full swing…and it was a toga party. In the backyard they were having a “wet toga” contest with some sorority sisters, there were topless girls in the pool, and one gentleman was walking around with a sock on. That’s it. Just a sock. It was strategically placed…but it was still a sock. I found Chris mixing drinks in the kitchen.

“Chris?” I asked.

He turned around and took me in.

“You made it! I’m so glad, it’s kind of hard to find.”

“Yeah, I found it. Look, I’m going to go. I didn’t want you to think I stood you up but this really isn’t what I thought it was going to be.”

It was hard to hear each other over the noise of the music and the hoots from the backyard.

“What!? You’re leaving!? But you just got here!” He said.

“I’m sorry, but this isn’t my kind of party, okay?” I shouted over the music.

“Faith, please, have a beer. We can go upstairs, it’ll be quieter there.”

He looked really sad, so I nodded and he led me upstairs. I declined the beer.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He said, “But I didn’t think you’d come to some stupid frat party. I have to be here because I’m an officer for my frat. But I’ll be able to leave soon once things calm down. They sprung this on me after we’d made plans. I thought it would have been worse to cancel at the last minute.”

“You should have told me,” I said.

We had found an outdoor balcony that overlooked the front yard. It was a little quieter than the kitchen and we didn’t have to shout to hear each other.

“I know. I’m really sorry. Will you let me make this up to you later? I’ll take you out on a real date where I don’t have to baby sit our new members, okay? Where we can have some actually privacy.”

I thought about it. He seemed really sincere about it and it did seem like it was a last minute kind of thing. I nodded.

“Okay,” I said, “But you don’t have to lie to me. I can handle last minute cancelations.”

“Deal.” He said.

We talked about where he was going to take me on our second date and the conversation progressed easily. Chris is a really funny guy and he made me laugh all night. Nearly three hours had passed by the time I realized how long I’d been there.

“I should go soon.” I said.

“Okay.” He said.

We were sitting on a swinging bench. He leaned in and kissed me. Uh, he’s really good at it. When we pulled apart I told him I should go and that he should call me about that second date.

“Are you sure you have to go? You could stay here. I don’t have a roommate.” He whispered pulling me in for another kiss. I had almost been convinced to stay when a bunch of his drunk friends in the front yard spotted us on the balcony and started making rude noises and gestures. We broke apart immediately.

“Um. Yeah. I have really do have to go.” I said, “Call me later, okay?”

He nodded and then I left. Even though our date was kind of a wash and not the greatest date ever, I had fun and I would definitely be interested in kissing him some more…or doing other things with him that require his mouth. I have my date with Randy tomorrow that I’m really excited about!

Coffee and House Parties

I really like Randy. Instead of calling me, he came upstairs to my door and asked me if I was free for coffee this weekend. It was cute and he was cute about it. I could tell he was nervous.

“I am free, but I have plans on Saturday night, but I could do the morning or afternoon.” I said.

We were talking in my doorway and Murphy tried to get outside. Randy was able to catch him before he got too far and brought him back to me.

“So who is this little guy?” He asked as he handed Murphy over.

“This would be my little handful, Murphy.”

We talked for a few more minutes, made plans for Sunday late in the morning, and then said goodbye. I couldn’t meet with him on Saturday because that’s when I’m going on a date with Chris. We’re going to a college party (I know, gross) at his friend’s house. He said that we didn’t have to stay there all night and that he’d just have to “make an appearance” and then we could go to a movie or something. Normally, this wouldn’t be something I would ever agree to, since, you know, I’m out of college and don’t really want to go back to the drunk party experience (and he’s a senior so you’d think he’d be over it too, but I guess not), but I’m being open minded and maybe it will actually be fun. The date with Hank was fun (the lack of chemistry wasn’t) and I would normally have never gone out with him, so you never know in these situations, I guess.

I’m planning on wearing a gray jersey dress with black flats and my hair pulled back, that way if I’m puked on, it won’t ruin one of my favorite dresses or pairs of shoes. I’m looking forward to my date with Randy, though. It should be pretty laid back. I might even let him get to first base.

Hank

Hank is…interesting. He looks kind of like Danny DeVito but that’s okay because looks are not everything. I met him at the tapas bar right on time and, thankfully, he wasn’t drunk like Todd had been, so that was a plus from the start. We ordered a sampler of different tapas to try and two glasses of sangria before going over to our table. There was a dance floor with what seemed professionals dancing on it (Latin dancing is intense guys) and we watched for a little while as we made comments about how good they were.

I’m going to be honest, it was awkward at first. We didn’t have immediate chemistry but I think that’s because Hank might have been nervous. Once our food and drinks came he seemed to loosen up a bit. He talked about his kids for awhile and mentioned that his granddaughter just started kindergarten. I was a little surprised that he was a grandfather. Apparently he also has a grandson who is three and his daughter-in-law is expecting her first this January. Hank’s ex-wife lives in Florida and he avoided talking about her.

“How recent was your divorce?” I asked gently.

“A few months ago, but it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. You want to dance?”

I nodded and we went and danced, which was awkward because I was wearing four inch heels and Hank is really short so his head was just above my waist. I had fun dancing with him, though. He made me laugh a lot and we’re going to go out again. When we left the tapas bar to say goodbye he immediately lit up a cigar, which was a turnoff for me, but I ignored it. He hailed me a cab, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then waved as the cab drove off.

Honestly, it was a fun date, but the lack of chemistry that filtered in was concerning. I’m going to give him another chance with a second date before I totally write this off.

(Blogspot must have had a hiccup and didn't post this when it said it would. Sorry readers. I promise the late posting isn't going to be a habit. -del)

Happy Handfuls

Something interesting happened today: I was asked out on a date. I was coming home after running a bunch of errands (grocery shopping, picking up some cat food and dry cleaning, etc.) and stopped to pick up my mail. There was this guy in the mail room with his dog on a leash. He was wearing a burgundy sweater and his hair was windswept. I smiled as I opened my mail box when his dig became interested in the bag of groceries I was holding and tried to jump up to inspect it further.

“Lady, no!” He said as she (a black lab) tried to get at the bushel of greens hanging out of my bag, “I’m really sorry.” He said as he pulled her over to him and had her sit down.

“It’s fine, really. How old is she?” I asked bending down to let her sniff my hand.

“She’ll be a year in about a month. She’s a handful sometimes.” He said.

“I hear ya. I have a cat and he can be a handful sometimes, too.” I said standing up and opening my mail box, “I’ve never seen you before, did you just move in?” I asked.

“Yeah, about a month ago. We’re still getting settled in.” He said, “I’m on floor three.”

“I’m on five. How are you liking it here so far?”

“It’s nice. I like the extra security they’ve got and it’s close to a lot of convenient places. I’m Randy, by the way. And this is Lady.”

We shook hands and I introduced myself. Just as I was about to say goodbye and head toward the stairwell he stopped me.

“Faith, I know this is cheesy and might possibly make this incredibly awkward, but would you like to get some coffee some time? Uh…with me?”

I was caught off guard. I hadn’t expected him to ask me out and so I think I took too long of a pause because he looked crestfallen.

“I’m sorry, that was weird. I mean-”

“No. It’s fine.” I smiled, “I’d love to. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

I put my cell phone number into his phone and told him to call me and then walked upstairs to my apartment. I’ve been smiling all day. It’s nice to feel desirable and now I have another date this week. My date with Hank is later tonight. We’re going to a tapas bar. It should be fun!