Box of Worms

Running with Sasha every morning has been an important solace for me. It helps clear my head and gives me the focus I need to get through every day. I haven’t been doing much outside of working and just taking care of myself. I haven’t heard from Adam at all since the weekend he left…until today.

New Beginnings

Penny and I hung out and it was a lot of fun. We went to see a movie (How to Train Your Dragon 2…because we are adults…ahem) and then grabbed dinner afterwards. I like Penny a lot. She’s honest and genuine and incredibly sincere. Over dinner we talked about things with Adam and how I was feeling about it all and after we talk I always seem to feel so much better.

Mutual

“So, that’s it? You just ended it?” Molly said.

“Faith, what were you thinking?” Zoey asked.

The three of us were at the dog park by my apartment with Sasha and Bear (Wesley’s German Shepherd, who Zoey was taking care of while he was out of town for a photo shoot). I told them that Adam and I were no longer together and they were completely floored.

“I just knew we wouldn’t make it if we tried long distance.”

“Well, that’s not true,” Molly said, “There’s no way you could have really known that unless you actually tried it with him.”

“Seriously.” Zoey said.

I sighed.

“Look, you guys don’t have to make me feel bad, okay? I already feel horrible enough as it is.”

“Have you talked to him since then?” Zoey asked.

He Is Worth It

Adam and I planned to have a quiet dinner together the night before he was supposed to drive a moving truck to his new apartment in Cincinnati. We had just finished packing up almost everything (his bed would be packed in the morning) and were deciding on what we wanted to eat. I hadn’t been looking forward to this night at all.

We decided to order in pasta from an Italian place about 20 minutes away. When it arrived, I mostly just picked at my penne. We were sitting on the floor with our plates sitting on a box.

“You’re really quiet.” Adam said.

I shrugged.

Choice Words

By the time I arrived at the bar after getting off of work, the party was in full swing. I had steeled myself for this before I left but everything just felt so much more final and real now that I was surrounded by balloons and banners that said things like “good luck” and “bon voyage”. Adam immediately came over to me and kissed my cheek. He pointed me to the food table and was squirrel away by Dan to go talk to some friends he knew across the room.

I stared at the food table and felt sick.

“Faith!” Dan came up behind me and roughly threw his arm around me, “I’m so glad you came! Isn’t this great?”

Bon Voyage

Things have been weird for the past few days. Since we decided to try doing this long distance, we’ve come to an unspoken understanding not to bring it up. Adam moving is this constant elephant in the room that neither of us wants to address but it’s getting harder to ignore, especially with the moving boxes piling up in his apartment. But, Adam brought something up the other night that made his impending departure too difficult to ignore.

Ohio Bound

Adam and I hadn’t talked since I left his apartment in the middle of the night besides a text he’d sent me the morning after:

    

           I know you need time and I’ll give you some space. –A

I kept going back to reread it periodically since then, I’m not sure why. I found myself on Zoey’s couch with the girls sitting around me.

“I feel like there’s no good solution to this.” I said looking into my cup of tea.

“That’s because there’s not.” Molly said.

The Other Shoe

I walked out of the booth after the night’s performance and smiled.

“Hey, I didn’t expect you to be here.” I said.

But the smile faded away when I saw Adam’s face.

“We, uh, need to talk.” He rubbed the back of his head and looked really upset.

Penny For Your Thoughts

Adam’s interview was today and since I didn’t have to work, I stayed over last night and sent him off this morning with lots of luck. I hung out at his place until he got back because I wanted to hear about how it went. I didn’t realize it was going to be such a long day for him. He didn’t get home until well in the afternoon.

On The Hunt

I stood outside Adam’s door knocking for at least five minutes and decided to just let myself in. There was loud music playing and I followed it to his office. He was sitting in his desk chair with his pajama pants on, an old college t-shirt, and a baseball hat turned backwards playing the air drums and singing very badly to One Republic’s Love Runs Out.

“I thought you were going to work on your interview prep for that job.” I yelled over the music and leaned against the door jamb with a smirk on my face.

Adam jumped at the sound of my voice and turned around.

The Last Dance

I turned my head to look where Adam had been looking behind me and saw four people, two men and two women. The younger woman had brown hair pulled into a very Barbie-esque pony tail and was wearing a light blue cocktail dress with jewelry that looked incredibly expensive; she was young, early twenties at the most. The older woman had red hair that was pulled into a severe French twist. She was wearing a paisley wrap dress with long sleeves and a look on her face as if she smelled something sour. The younger man looked like an All-American kind of guy and was wearing a tux. The older man was also wearing a tux and seemed to be in his mid-thirties but his very neatly trimmed brown beard made it hard for me to really place his age. When I turned back around I gave Adam a questioning look and it was like he was a different person. He was wearing a fake smile and had stood up and buttoned his jacket stiffly.

“It’s SO good to see you! I can’t believe you’re here.” I heard the younger of the two women say.

“Let’s get some tables together. You won’t mind, of course.” The older woman said.

“Actually, we were-” Adam said.

“Don’t be absurd, it’s not a problem. Where’s the help?” The younger woman waved Adam off.

While a team of wait staff moved two tables on either side of ours, Adam shook the mens’ hands and then gave the two women hugs while everyone seemed to talk at once which made it hard for me to hear what was going on. It was like I wasn’t even there.

“Oh, that’s a nice shade.” The younger woman said wiping my lip stain off of Adam’s lower lip that I hadn’t noticed was there, “Surely that was given to you from this woman you’re with. It’s a classy shade.”

Her judgmental tone hung in the air. I gave Adam a wry look and thought to myself: Maybe it would have been better if I’d been ignored…

Adam scrambled to introduce me to everyone.

The First Dance

Adam and I arrived at the restaurant about 30 minutes before our reservation so we could have a drink at the bar. I had worn the dress Adam had given me and swept my hair back with a silver and crystal (totally fake ones) barette. I wore the necklace Anna had given me and a pair of silver pumps, too.

“This place is the nicest restaurant I have ever been in. I feel like I should take my shoes off so I don’t get the floor dirty.” I said.

Adam laughed and handed me a crystal flute of champagne and then clinked his to mine.

“Congratulations on closing your first show for the Glass Penny, Faith.”

He leaned forward and gave me a sweet kiss but we were interrupted in the middle of it by a woman in an elegant black dress.

“Adam?”

We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve

So much has happened since I last posted. I’ll start with therapy…

Relapse

On a spur of the moment, Zoey, Molly, and I decided to do a book club sort of thing together. We’ve all been meaning to read the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin but none of us have gotten around to it yet so we thought we could all read it together. Adam pointed out to me that the series hasn’t actually been finished yet, that there are still two books to be written, but these books are huge and will take me forever to get through so I think the next one will at least be published by the time I’m ready to start reading it.

Molly and I headed over to Zoey’s place early on Sunday morning to talk about the first half of the book together and have brunch.

“I think Joffrey is such a brat.” Molly said.

“Me, too. I think Tyrion is my favorite character so far.” I said knocking on Zoey’s door.

When the door opened, Zoey was not the one standing there.

“Hello ladies.”

Shadows

Molly and I met Zoey for lunch yesterday and it felt so weird to not have Anna there. I tried not to notice it and updated Zoey on the situation with Tucker and work.