Mutual

“So, that’s it? You just ended it?” Molly said.

“Faith, what were you thinking?” Zoey asked.

The three of us were at the dog park by my apartment with Sasha and Bear (Wesley’s German Shepherd, who Zoey was taking care of while he was out of town for a photo shoot). I told them that Adam and I were no longer together and they were completely floored.

“I just knew we wouldn’t make it if we tried long distance.”

“Well, that’s not true,” Molly said, “There’s no way you could have really known that unless you actually tried it with him.”

“Seriously.” Zoey said.

I sighed.

“Look, you guys don’t have to make me feel bad, okay? I already feel horrible enough as it is.”

“Have you talked to him since then?” Zoey asked.

“Yeah.” I said watching Sasha play with Bear.

Adam had called me over the weekend. We spoke for nearly two hours but I think I got him to understand why it needed to be like this and we actually ended on a mutual level of understanding. He’s still hurt and I already miss him so much but I think we both agree that this is what’s best for us. I explained as much to Zoey and Molly and then sighed.

“So, now what?” Molly asked.

“I guess we just move on.” I shrugged, “It feels so weird to say that.”

I was putting on a calm, accepting face for the girls but inside I felt like I’d never recover and even while I was convincing Adam that things between us needed to be over this weekend, I doubted my decision to break things off. I never thought missing someone so much was even possible and I often found myself wanting to send him a message telling him that I missed him. But I know I won’t ever send it, it would be cruel to do that to him and he deserves to be able to move on without me making it harder by trying to ease my own pain with his comfort.

“Adam will be okay. He’ll find someone else to love in Cincinnati and he’ll be farther away from his family, which will be good for him. And he’ll have that amazing job. Things will be really good for him…he just has to let himself have it.”

“And what about you?” Zoey was studying my face.

“I’ll be…here. With you guys and my awesome job.”

I could tell Zoey wanted to say something but she just looked away and watched an owner toss a frisbee to his Irish Setter off to the side of us.

“How’s Wesley?” I changed the subject.

“Things between us are really great.” Zoey’s answer was restrained.

“Zoe…you can be happy about it. Just because my relationship is over doesn’t mean you can’t tell me all about yours.” I said.

She looked at me for a second and then started beaming.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. Being with him is like coming up for air after being underwater for too long. I don’t think I realized just how much I missed him when we weren’t together.”

Zoey went on to tell us that they were already talking about moving in together and that they’ve already started looking for apartments. I smiled and was genuinely happy for her but in the back of my mind it just reminded me that Adam and I had never even gotten to that point. We really hadn’t made that much progress in our relationship, to be honest, and it’s not lost on me that that’s because of me and how slowly I wanted things to go. I smiled sadly to myself at that thought, though, because maybe that would make things easier for Adam and I to move on.

“How’s Calvin?” Zoey asked Molly.

“We’re good. He’s still on that bent about getting me to move in with him but other than that, we’re fine. I was actually thinking about taking him to meet my mom sometime to see if maybe that will get him to shut up about moving in together.”

“Wow, meeting the mom, huh?” I nudged her.

“Yeah, yeah. When did we all become adults?” Molly joked.

As I sat on the bench and watched Sasha, I realized that Molly was right. Zoey was on the cusp on something amazing with Wesley, Molly was about to hit a major milestone with Calvin, and I just experienced the mutual ending of a relationship. Adults, indeed.

Later that night, while I was sitting on my couch and watching television I got a phone call from an unrecognized number. I answered it with hesitation.

“Faith?”

“Yes.”

“Hi, it’s Penny. I hope it isn’t weird that I called you…”

I remembered I had given her my phone number that night in the wine bar.

“No, it’s not weird.” But it kind of was. She was friends with Adam and I’m sure she knew what had happened and I wasn’t interested in having his friends try and convince me to get back together with him, “Um. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to let you know that Dan and I heard about you and Adam.”

“Oh…um. Look, I know you guys are friends and stuff but you’re not going to be able to talk me back into-”

“That’s not what I was calling for.” She said realizing how this phone call was coming off, “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“M-me?”

“Of course.” She said.

“I’m…um…I’m,” I don’t know why I chose to show how I really felt about what happened to Penny but I started crying.

We talked for a long time and she was so comforting and soothing. She understood how I felt about the break-up and why I’d chosen breaking-up over long distance and there was no judgment. She was exactly the person I needed in that moment.

“How…how is he?” I asked finally.

I felt like such an asshole even asking that question since I’m the one who had originally wanted to end things.

“He’s hurt.” She said honestly, “But he’ll be okay, Faith. You both will. I think you both need some space, though.”

I agreed with her. I wanted him to be able to fully invest himself in life in Ohio and build a life there and if I kept inserting myself into it with texts and phone calls, he would never be able to. I explained as much to Penny and she agreed. We spoke for a little bit longer before she proposed that we hang out sometime.

“I think I’d like that.” I smiled. It felt like the first real smile I’d had in weeks.

We’re going to see a movie and then grab dinner afterward next week. It feels a little weird to start a friendship up with one of Adam’s friends but I like Penny a lot and I know Adam won’t be bothered by it.