Choice Words

By the time I arrived at the bar after getting off of work, the party was in full swing. I had steeled myself for this before I left but everything just felt so much more final and real now that I was surrounded by balloons and banners that said things like “good luck” and “bon voyage”. Adam immediately came over to me and kissed my cheek. He pointed me to the food table and was squirrel away by Dan to go talk to some friends he knew across the room.

I stared at the food table and felt sick.

“Faith!” Dan came up behind me and roughly threw his arm around me, “I’m so glad you came! Isn’t this great?”

I looked at Dan and put on a fake smile.

“It is. It’s awesome that you are giving him such a great send off.” I said.

Dan handed me a glass of champagne and then wandered off to where he’d left Adam. I put the champagne down and looked for a quiet corner to sit down. I saw Peter eyeing me and I smiled and gave a half-hearted wave in his direction. He was standing with a mousey-looking woman in a pastel cardigan and garden dress so I went over to introduce myself.

“Faith, this is my wife, Melissa.” Peter said stiffly.

“It’s nice to meet you.” I said to her, “Are you guys enjoying the party?”

She nodded and we chatted for a few moments about nothing in particular and then I left them alone to sit in a booth and nurse a ginger ale. I was interrupted when Penny slid across from me.

“Hey.” She gave me a sad smile, “Are you okay?”

“Is it that obvious?” I asked with a small laugh.

“I’ve been there.” She said, “Dan has to leave for work all the time and when we were dating in college, it was all long distance.”

“Really?” I perked up.

“Yeah. It wasn’t easy but I think we managed it well. And you and Adam will do just fine.”

“How did you guys make it work for so long?” I asked.

She shrugged and gave me a warm smile.

“We just figured out something that worked for us. Dan would drive up to visit me a lot while we were in college and I would drive down when I could. Now, it’s different. He’s not gone for more than two or three weeks at a time but it can still be a challenge. We just make sure to prioritize each other. We call, we text, we Skype…we do whatever we can to connect with each other as often as possible while he’s gone. Even emailing each other goes a long way when you’re apart.”

“It’s overwhelming to think about…” I said.

“You’re on the fence about it?” She asked.

I nodded.

“I’ve done the long distance thing before. It was horrible. Just thinking about dealing with it all over again is…”

“I get it.” She nodded, “But I think the question to ask yourself is if the other person is worth the work.”

I looked over at Adam as he talked to Peter. He waved at me happily and I smiled at him. Dan was telling a story and Peter and Melissa looked on with distaste.

“He is.” I said.

It was the first time since Adam had told me about the job being in Ohio that I felt acceptance about the situation. I felt optimistic about our situation and that things really would be okay. Adam and Dan joined us a little while later and Dan told us funny stories about Adam from college to reminisce.

“I’m going to miss you, buddy.” Dan clapped Adam on the back as we stood by the exit ready to leave.

“Me too, man.” Adam pulled him in for a hug and then hugged Penny.

“You’ll keep in touch.” She said knowingly.

I hugged them both and then took Adam’s hand as we headed back to his place.

I was brushing my teeth in his bathroom and stared at the boxes in his living room. I stood there in my boy shorts and loose camisole and felt a sadness come over me. He was really leaving.

When I walked into his bedroom, he was sitting up in bed, with his laptop on his lap and his reading glasses on. He’s been searching constantly for a sub-letter for his apartment since the lease wasn’t up for a long time while simultaneously trying to find an apartment to move into immediately. He noticed the sad look on my face and put his laptop on his nightstand.

“Hey,” He said, “Come here.”

I straddled his lap and ran a hand through his hair.

“Everything will work itself out.” He said putting his hands on my hips.

I looked down and let my hands fidget with his shirt and then looked up at him.

“I know it will. But…what if it doesn’t?”

“We can cross that bridge IF we need to. But I don’t think we will. Why worry about something that we may never even need to address?”

I looked at him with slight irritation.

“Because addressing it would make me feel better.”

“If it doesn’t work then I’ll quit and move back here.”

“Are you serious?” I asked him, “You would do that for me?”

“I love you, Faith.  I've been thinking about this a lot. It may be my dream job but there are more of those. There’s only one of you and I’d rather give my job up than you, if the choice has to be made.”

I hugged him and gave him a sweet kiss.

“I’m glad you came to the party tonight. It meant a lot to have you there.”

“Of course.” I said, “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

I watched Adam’s faced closely, he almost looked relieved, like he’d expected me not to be there.

“You know that I’m incredibly happy for you and proud of you for getting this job, right?” I looked at him.

“I do.”

“I know that I’ve been…”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I’m sorry if the way I’ve acted has made you feel like you can’t be happy about this. Because you deserve to be happy about it and excited and proud. I would never want to make you feel like you don’t deserve something so awesome by putting a damper on it, okay?”

I looked into his eyes to make it clear I meant what I said.

He nodded and pulled me in for a kiss that started off sweet and became much deeper. His hands roved over my hips and up my back, which slightly lifted my camisole and gave me goosebumps. He rolled on top of me and I wrapped my legs around him and pulled off his shirt…

Afterward, I laid on my side and stared at the light outline of the window. Adam’s arm was slung over my side and his breathing was slow and steady. My thoughts went back to what Penny had said earlier that evening and then drifted to my conversation with Adam before bed. I knew this road and I knew how it would go. Tears came to my eyes but I told myself he was worth it over and over until I fell asleep.