Penny For Your Thoughts

Adam’s interview was today and since I didn’t have to work, I stayed over last night and sent him off this morning with lots of luck. I hung out at his place until he got back because I wanted to hear about how it went. I didn’t realize it was going to be such a long day for him. He didn’t get home until well in the afternoon.

“Faith!?” He called when he finally got home.

I stood up from his couch as he ran around the corner to his living room.

Before I knew it He had picked me up in a hug and spun me around.

“I got it! I got the position! They offered it to me during the interview!”

“Really!?” I kissed him and hugged him.

“Yeah, I’m going over there in a few days to officially accept. They said they wanted to meet and go over the job stipulations, benefits, etc. before I do that.”

He was out of breath and absolutely ecstatic. He walked into his bedroom and I followed him.

“We should go out and celebrate!” He said loosening his tied and taking his blazer off and throwing it on his bed.

Adam rolled up the sleeves of his button down and I was surprised at how turned on that made me. He had very attractive arms with his sleeves rolled up to the elbow. I hugged him from behind as he took off his tie.

“I am so proud of you.” I said resting my chin on his shoulder and looking at his eyes in the mirror, “How about I take you out to that pizza place you liked? My treat?”

He leaned his head against mine and put his hands over mine and just stood there and sighed happily.

“That sounds great. But first, I have to call my dad. My mom wanted me to let them know how the interview went.”

I was a little surprised that Adam was actually going to do that but nodded and he went to his office to make the call as I changed and made my hair less of a mess. It was only about five minutes until I heard yelling. I went to Adam’s office door and he opened it right as I went to knock. He was fuming.

“Adam, is everything okay?” I asked.

He looked really angry but immediately deflated at my question and rubbed his eyes with one hand out of frustration.

“He offered me a job.”

“Your dad? Why?”

“He said it was time for me to start taking my career seriously and grow up and get a real job.”

I led him to the couch and we sat down. I took his hand and spoke to him soothingly.

“He doesn’t get it, Adam, don’t let it upset you.”

He was quiet for a long time as he looked at my hand and entwined his fingers with mine.

“When I was a kid,” He was still looking at his hand,” I think I was five or six…I wanted a treehouse. My family’s estate has a few acres of land and most of them are just manicured gardens but there was one area that was part of the edge of a forest. I begged my dad to help me build one for the better part of a year. I knew if I just kept asking I’d get what I wanted because that’s how it always worked when I was a kid. I was denied nothing. I think he only agreed to it just to get me to stop asking him about it. So that summer I asked him every day when we would start building it and it never happened. He’d never even bought the wood for it. About a week before school was supposed to start for me I asked him about it and I remember him yelling at me about how busy he was and why couldn’t I see that?”

I wrapped my free arm around his arm closest to me and continued to hold his hand.

“I think my mom overheard him and convinced him to give in because the next day a bunch of hired carpenters showed up and built me a tree house. I was happy for a few days but I realized that I had never actually wanted the treehouse.”

“…you just wanted the experience of building it with your dad.” I said quietly.

Adam met my eyes slowly. His eyes were sad.

“…I would go to that treehouse whenever I was upset or disappointed. And I was…a lot. It was even worse after Aubrey was born. My dad never missed a dance recital or choir concert or graduation but he never managed to make it to any of my basketball games or my college graduation. Mostly it was because I had disappointed him. He wanted me to play football. I didn’t go to the college he’d gone to and ensured I’d get an acceptance letter from with a hefty alumni donation check.”

His voice was matter-of-fact. He’d come to terms with all of this well before he’d met me.

“I got over it, swore I’d never do that to my kid, and moved on. But I figured it would be different when I got older and had a life of my own. That he’d eventually accept it. But…I will never be good enough for him…for my family no matter how successful I am in what I do or who I am.”

Adam was talking more to himself than to me and I could hear the pain in his voice upon his realization.

“Your dad accepting your choices won’t change how you feel. It won’t even make you feel better, Adam. It will just feel hollow. It’s your life. You have to live it the way you want…not how your parents want.”

I was struck by what I’d said and realized it was the same way for me with my mom.

“I didn’t think…” Adam started.

“What? That you wanted their approval? They’re your family, Adam. Everyone wants their family to accept who they are and what they do. It’s okay to want it but it’s also important to understand that you might never get it…and that’s okay, too.”

Adam leaned against me and laid his head against mine.

“You know what?” I said, “Let’s go out and celebrate the fact that you just got your dream job with some pizza. Don’t let what just happened deny you any happiness about that.”

“You’re right.” He said sitting up, “You’re right. We should go.”

He stood up and grabbed my hand and we headed out to Adam’s favorite pizza place where we had a nice dinner. We were sat at a booth that was a half circle and served in no time. We were sort of overdressed because Adam was still wearing his clothes from the interview except for his tie and blazer but I didn’t complain. He caught me staring at him as he ate.

“What?” He gave me a half smile.

“Nothing.” I said blushing.

“Do I have pizza sauce somewhere?” He asked.

“No, I just…that’s, um, that’s a good look for you.” I smiled to myself and knew I was turning red.

 I put my hand on my forehead and tried to cover my eyes smoothly because I was embarrassed and didn’t want him to know.

“I just caught you checking me out, didn’t I?” He laughed.

“Shut up,” I said giggling, “I’ve never seen you wear clothes like that before. Even when we were at that really nice restaurant you were wearing a blazer, which makes a difference…”

He leaned over like he was going to whisper in my ear but just gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

“You like me.” He said with a smug smile.

I rolled my eyes and pushed his face away with my hand playfully.

“You think I’m hot.” He joked, “It’s only natural, Faith. I’m an attractive guy. Not everyone can look this good eating pizza.”

“Oh my God,” I said laughing, “My boyfriend is sexy, get over yourself.”

“What was that? You think I’m sexy?”

I rolled my eyes playfully.

“Well, let’s talk about what you’re wearing.” He said motioning to me, “I think that outfit is hideous.”

“What? Really?” I looked down at my black sweater and jeans.

“Yeah,” the smile went out of his eyes and he became very serious, “I think you should take it off.”

I threw a napkin at his face and laughed. 

After dinner, we met up with Dan and his fiancée for drinks at a wine bar down the street.

“There’s my man!” Dan said as soon as he saw us.

He gave Adam a mix of a high-five and a hand shake and pulled him in for a rambunctious hug and then pulled me in for one, too.

“Faith! Great to see ya again! Let me introduce you to Penny.” He slung his arm over my shoulders and walked me to the high-top booth he’d grabbed for us.

A young woman with dark brown hair and light brown skin sat at the booth with a warm smile. She was wearing nice jeans and a pink peasant top. She stuck her hand out to shake mine.

“Faith, I’ve heard so much about you. It’s great to finally meet you. I’m Penny, Dan’s fiancée.”

We all sat down and perused the menu and then the guys got up to get us an appetizer and drinks from the bar. Penny and I made polite conversation and I was relieved that she had such a warm personality after the debacle with Adam’s brother and sister, but I knew Dan would have to be with someone as nice as he was. I got along with her right away.

Over the course of our conversation, I discovered that Penny was a teacher.

“I teach second grade. They’re so fun at that age. Do you have any children, Faith?”

“No.” I said, “Do you?”

“Not yet. We want them but the timing isn’t right.”

“Are you waiting until you guys get married?”

Penny laughed.

“If I waited for that to happen, I’d probably never have kids.”

She noticed the confused look on my face and went on to explain.

“Dan and I dated for three years and we have been engaged for almost seven years,” She said, “We don’t even have a date selected yet.”

“Oh.” I said.

“Dan and I don’t really want to get married, Faith, but getting engaged feels pretty good and represents a higher level of commitment than dating, I guess. I think I’d describe what he and I have as a committed long-term partnership. We don’t feel the need to get married.”

I nodded and smiled.

“Ten years, huh? Wow.” I said.

When I thought about my longest relationships, the one I had with Sean was the longest, followed by Mike, and now Adam. I felt embarrassed about that.

“You and Adam have been dating for six months now, right?”

I nodded.

“You know,” She leaned forward, “I’m so glad that you are with him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy before.”

Just then the guys showed up with an appetizer sampler (cheese and fruit board) and our wine and settled in. I was struck by what Penny had said because I guess I had never thought of how being with me had an impact on Adam, let alone a big enough one that other people noticed it. I’d never thought about our relationship like that and maybe that’s me being selfish or near-sighted but I would argue that it’s more because I haven’t really noticed it due to me feeling so lucky to have him in MY life and grateful that he’s been there to support me through a lot of tough times; I never thought about how having me in HIS life would have an effect on him. Maybe because I didn’t think I was important enough to have one?

Adam noticed that I was quiet and when Dan and Penny got up to dance to the jazz band that had started playing he took a moment to check in with me.

“What’s wrong?” He leaned forward and turned to look at me.

I leaned in slowly and kissed him. When I pulled away, I realized I’d left some of my lip gloss on his bottom lip and wiped it off gently and shrugged.

“Absolutely nothing.”

I smiled and took a sip of wine.