New Beginnings

Penny and I hung out and it was a lot of fun. We went to see a movie (How to Train Your Dragon 2…because we are adults…ahem) and then grabbed dinner afterwards. I like Penny a lot. She’s honest and genuine and incredibly sincere. Over dinner we talked about things with Adam and how I was feeling about it all and after we talk I always seem to feel so much better.

 “Yeah, I have had a lot of doubts about ending it. You have no idea how close I’ve come to calling him and telling him I regret everything. But I just…I don’t know…I just feel like it’s better for us, as people, in the long run to split up.”

“Don’t call him, Faith. He’ll move on and you will, too. The way I see it, you did something that was extremely hard and difficult and Adam will see that with time. If you guys are meant to be then you’ll end up together.”

She shrugged optimistically and smiled.

"So, you think I made the right decision?" I asked.

Penny thought for a second.

"No. I don't." I deflated a bit at that but she continued, "But, I'm also not in your shoes and I recognize that this is a decision that's yours and yours alone. I'd never tell you that you were flat out wrong. You had your reasons, Faith, and I can respect that. At the end of the day it really doesn't matter what I or anyone else...including Adam...thinks about your decision as long as you feel like it was the right one."

I sat there for a minute and absorbed her answer.

“You and Dan are such positive people,” I said...and then, “So is Adam.”

I smiled at the thought of him.

“Not always.” She took a drink of her merlot.

“What do you mean?” I stuck a ravioli with my fork.

“Well, let’s just say that Dan is taking you and Adam breaking up pretty hard.”

“He’s mad at me, huh?” I asked with a smile.

“He’s just…I think he’d convinced himself that you guys would go all the way and now that you aren’t together he’s pretty broken up about it.”

I was surprised. I would never have thought Dan was so invested in Adam’s relationship with me when he’d only met me a few times. The confusion must have shown on my face and Penny continued.

“It’s not really you, Faith, if that’s what you’re thinking.” She said bluntly, “Dan was just there for Adam through some really rough personal stuff with his family. Dan has seen him at his absolute lowest years before Adam ever met you and I’m not lying when I say that you really did have an effect on him. Dan’s just worried that Adam will fall back into that bad place.”

“Do you think he will?” I asked with concern.

Penny looked at her lasagna platter thoughtfully before answering.

“No. I don’t.” She put her napkin down, folded her hands, and looked at me directly “I think Adam is a lot stronger of a person now than he was in college while trying to wade through all of his family’s shit and figure out who he is. Adam knows who he is now, he’s learned how to deal with his family in his own way as much as he can, and he’ll be able to get through this. Plus, that new job of his is going to run him ragged so he’ll have plenty of distraction to help him move on. I don’t think we need to worry about him…to be honest I’m more worried about you and how you’re doing.”

Her eyes watched my face as she said that and I wasn’t sure what to say.

“I’ll be okay. Knowing that Adam will be okay makes it easier for me to be okay.” I said noncommittally, “Eventually I’ll stop feeling sad and guilty about it.”

Penny grabbed a breadstick and pointed it at me.

“I don’t think you should feel guilty. It’s like I said, you did something that you believed was necessary and it was hard. There’s nothing to be ashamed of with that. You didn’t do anything wrong, Faith.”

I was struck by her words. It’s true. I didn’t do anything wrong. Yes, I hurt Adam, but it wasn’t because I betrayed him, it wasn’t because I wanted to, it wasn’t to get even with him or anything like that. It was what was best and that doesn’t always mean it’s not painful.

“You’re not obligated to stay in a relationship with someone.” She said.

“But it’s not like I didn’t want to be with him. I do…did.”

“You made a really mature choice. He’ll see it eventually. Give it time.”

“You know he unfriended me on Facebook.” I said after a beat.

“Oh the horror.” She joked, “Big deal. I’m not even friends with my sister on Facebook.”

I smirked at her but I still felt lousy about that. I thought Adam and I had come to an understanding and I felt like we were both on the same page but when I realized he’d unfriended me I still felt a pang of sadness about it.

“Look,” She realized I was still bummed, “he probably unfriended you because seeing you on his timeline and stuff was just too painful for him right now. He’ll probably be your Facebook friend again someday.”

She said the last sentence with a teasing tone and I laughed.

“Do you think he and I will ever be able to be friends like before?”

“I don’t know.” She said, “Maybe someday.”

We moved on to other conversation topics, like work, and it’s clear to me how much Penny loves her students.

“They are so cute at that age. I can’t wait until I set up my reading corner next year. I want to get a bunch of pillows and build a tree out of chicken wire and papier-mache for them to read under. Or maybe an inflatable palm tree or something. I haven’t quite figured it out yet.”

“That sounds so cute! If you made the tree out of wood, you could make it into a bookshelf.”

Her eyes lit up.

“That is such a good idea! I’ll have to see if Dan can figure out how to build something like that. Then we’d have extra storage! Storage is every teacher’s nightmare! There’s never enough!”

“Tell me about it. My mom is a pre-school teacher and she’s always telling me about the lack of storage space in her classroom.”

I tried to smile but bringing my mom up caught me off guard and made me sad. It must have shown on my face.

“Complicated mom problems, huh? Man, you and Adam really have a lot in common.”

I smiled at her joke.

“Things have just been really strained between us. We had a huge fight over Thanksgiving and she’s been really chilly towards me ever since.”

“What was the fight about?” Penny asked, “Oh…you don’t have to tell me if that’s too personal, though.”

“It’s okay. She…um…she demanded that I move home to live with my parents after everything went down with Amber. She was scared and wanted me to be closer to home. When I refused she cancelled my plane ticket home and said some pretty hurtful things about the career I’d chosen and it was just…it wasn’t a happy trip home.”

“Ouch.” Penny looked surprised, “She actually cancelled your plane ticket?”

“Yeah. My dad bought me a new one when we found out so I’m sure that caused some issues between them. Mostly she doesn’t speak to me for longer than a few seconds at a time whenever I call. It’s really not a good situation at all.”

“It doesn’t sound like it is. I’m sorry to hear that Faith.”

“Thanks.” I said, “But what about you? Do you speak to your family?”

Penny laughed.

“I love my family but they don’t like my life choices either.”

“What? But you’re a teacher. You have a good job, you’re independent, you don’t get stabbed by stalkers in your apartment…what could they possibly not like?”

We laughed.

“Well, they don’t like who I’ve chosen to spend my life with.”

“They don’t like Dan?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh, they like him well enough but you try ‘living in sin’ in a devoutly Catholic Latino family. It doesn’t go over very well. When I eventually get pregnant it’ll be like World War three over there.”

“Geez.”

“Right? Every time Dan and I go over there for the holidays we get bombarded with questions about when we’re going to get married, if we’ve set a date, and blah, blah, blah. Every year I convince myself that this will be the Christmas they give up with that, but they never stop.”

“What about Dan’s family?”

“Oh they adore me. And why not? Dan and I are perfect for each other and they know it.”

“His parents must be pretty relaxed.”

“They totally are. I’ve often joked that they give off the vibe of being so open and free that they would fit right in with a nudist colony. They’re all about love and respect and being happy and Dan is definitely their kid.”

“He’s a pretty fun guy.”

“Yeah,” she said smiling easily, “he is.”

“I hope I find someone that makes me as happy as Dan makes you.” I said.

“Maybe you already have.” She eyed me.

I blinked.

“Or maybe not. You’ll find someone.” She shrugged.

I like Penny. She keeps me on my toes and I think the girls would like her, too. Penny and I are going to have brunch with Molly and Zoey next weekend and I can’t wait.