Shadows

Molly and I met Zoey for lunch yesterday and it felt so weird to not have Anna there. I tried not to notice it and updated Zoey on the situation with Tucker and work.

“He’s horrible. We had our first rehearsal on Tuesday and I swear, Zoey, if he calls me ‘sweetheart’ one more time, I will punch him in the face.”

“Gross. Has he slept with any of your cast members yet?” Zoey asked while digging into her salad.

“Not yet. Nick is confident that having him sign that contract will prevent him from doing so but I don’t believe it for a second.”

“Tucker is causing problems for costumes, as well. He came to the costume shop after rehearsal to see if we could and I quote: ‘sex up Anne a bit.’ As is Anne Frank, the main character in our play about the Holocaust. Because when I think the Holocaust, I think sexy.” Molly rolled her eyes and harrumphed.

“Are you serious?” I asked, “One of the reasons everyone was so on board with hiring him was because he agreed to not change any of the designs. Typical.”

I crossed my arms and suddenly lost my appetite for my chicken sandwich.

“So…how’s work?” I asked Zoey tentatively.

“Things are…weird without her. Every time I walk by her office I expect to see her and it’s like a punch in the gut when I see the girl they hired to replace her last week. I was barely used to seeing Anna’s office empty, now we have this new girl.”

“Is she horrible?” Molly asked.

“No.” Zoey looked disappointed, “But she’s not Anna and our co-workers just…I don’t know, it’s just weird. Like, we all know who she’s there to replace and none of us are pleased but it’s not because of her, it’s just because the whole reason she was even hired was because our friend died, you know?”

“Are they treating her rudely?” I asked.

“Not really? Just…there’s definitely a chilly feeling towards her though and it’s not her fault but it’s not exactly a fixable thing either. People just need time, I guess.”

“Does she know…?” Molly asked.

“I’m pretty sure she does, if she didn’t know when she accepted the job offer, she’s definitely been told by SOMEONE by now.”

“It sounds like a hard place for her to be in.” I said quietly.

“I don’t envy her.” Zoey said.

The three of us grew silent and very aware that there should have been four of us sitting at the table. But there wasn’t. I shivered but I wasn’t cold.

“So…” Zoey said changing the subject, “Faith, how’s everything with Adam going.”

“Really, really well. I didn’t know that relationships could feel so…easy? He gave me a drawer at his place on Monday night and I totally cried.”

“Why?” Molly asked.

“I have no idea. I think I was just… overcome with emotion? I started my period this morning so that was probably part of it.”

“Understandable.” Zoey said.

“Adam is going to take me out to celebrate the close of our show next week. He said it was going to be super fancy. I can’t wait. It’s been a really long time since I’ve celebrated anything.”

“That sounds like fun,” Molly said, “And here Calvin is thinking that us doing our laundry together counts as an acceptable date for date night.”

“Ew, laundry for date night?” Zoey crinkled her nose.

“Yeah, and somehow it just turned into me doing both of our laundry hauls while he took a nap. Calvin is on my bad list right now, if you couldn’t tell. It’s stuff like that that reminds me how right I was to refuse to move in with him.”

“What about you, Zoe? Any dating news?” I asked.

“Not really. I’ve just been going on dates occasionally. None of them have turned into a regular thing. I’m starting to think I should try online dating or something. It’s been almost a year and a half since Wesley and I broke up. Maybe…maybe I made a mistake and he was the one I was supposed to stay with forever and now I’m never going to find someone.”

“You’ll find someone.” Molly said.

“There’s no shame in online dating, either.” I pointed out, “But one thing’s for sure, if you stop putting yourself out there, you really won’t find someone. And there’s nothing wrong with that, either, if that’s what you want. Being single has its merits that being in a relationship doesn’t.”

“You guys are right.” Zoey said picking at her salad.

Hanging out with my girls yesterday was fun but I can’t shake the feeling of sadness knowing that Anna should’ve been there and wasn’t. I told Adam about how I felt later that night as we took Sasha for a walk.

“When will I be able to get through a day without being reminded of her and feeling so sad about it?” I sighed.

“It’s going to take a long time, but the way I see it…you don’t want to stop having those moments. Being reminded of Anna and being able to smile about a memory you have of her will eventually replace the feeling of sadness, but not for a long time.”

I was quiet for a long time.

“Hey.” I looked up at him, “It’s okay to miss her.”

I nodded as he pulled me into a hug.