Bad Decisions

Um. My date with Hank was…interesting. And by that I mean that I am an idiot who makes stupid, stupid decisions when she’s upset. I was still in shock about the Sean thing when I went to meet Hank and all through our date I felt distracted and spacey. I kept going into my own thoughts and Hank noticed.

“Are you okay? Did I do something to upset you?” He asked.

“N-no. I’m sorry; things at work have just been really crazy lately.” I said putting on a fake smile.

Hank nodded knowingly and went off on a tangent about his job and how hard it can be. I’m not really sure why but after that I started ordering drinks. A LOT of drinks. Hank took that to mean that I was having a great time and started putting the moves on me and I let him.

I’d had rejection from Randy and Chris already this week and with the Sean news I just wanted to feel good for five minutes. Hank ended up back at my apartment and we had sex (if you could even call it that). He smells like cigars and my grandfather and while he was laying on top of me he kept making these horrible pig-like grunts. He’s so small that I couldn’t even feel anything and he started sweating almost as soon as his shirt came off. Afterward he rolled off of me and lit up a cigar in my bed without even asking. Then he said, “You’re welcome baby.” I’m not even kidding!

I thought it was all a dream until I woke up and realized I was on my couch (he snored so loud last night that I had to sleep in the living room and I still barely slept at all from the noise) and he was still snoring in my room. It took me ALL day to get him to leave. I actually had to fake getting my period and needing to run out for tampons. It grossed him out enough that he left and I took a shower immediately after Febreezing my apartment and throwing all of the windows open to get the cigar smell out of everything.

I’m so embarrassed and ashamed. I most certainly won’t be calling Hank again not only because it was the worst sex I’ve ever had but because he’s so obviously wrong for me and I am not attracted to him at all. I spent the majority of our date bored out of my mind until I started drinking. More importantly: who smokes in someone’s home without even bothering to ask!? I feel like such a mess. I thought I was over Sean…I want to be over him. I can’t help thinking that if the tour had been put on hiatus sooner maybe we would still be together but then I remind myself that a hiatus wouldn’t have changed the fact that he betrayed me or that he got Karen pregnant. I hate myself for missing him but I just can’t be with him again; it’s too much of a roller coaster with Sean. This whole ordeal has done nothing but to make me feel like a horrible person unworthy of love. The only men who will touch me are gross and really old or cheating jerks who lie to me about it. I just want to be with someone who deserves me and is mellow. Being with Sean was like constantly walking on eggshells. His jealousy and trust issues aren’t what I miss about him; I just want to be held by someone who cares about me.

(I actually posted this late last night but there was a typo in the post date I entered into Blog Spot and it was about 2/3 down the main page of the blog instead of at the top. Oops! -del)

Oh.

I had my date with Chris last night and it went fine. We made out for awhile and there was some definite boob groping towards the end of the night. I asked if he wanted to come up and “have some coffee” but he blew me off, too! Something about a math exam… Why aren’t the men I’m dating willing to sleep with me!? I would like some meaningless sex please!

But what I really want to talk about are my friends and how much they are annoying me.

Anna, Zoey, Molly, and I went out to breakfast this morning and then to a farmer’s market down my street to shop for fresh produce. I had scrambled eggs, toast, hashbrowns, and an orange juice while Anna had a ham and cheese omelet, a side of strawberries, and coffee; Zoey had a stack of pancakes with a side of bacon, hashbrowns, and a grapefruit juice; and Molly had Belgian waffles with a latte.

“I don’t know why he blew me off you guys! We were having a great time and I made it very clear that we were going-”

“How do you know he was lying though?” Molly asked cutting into her waffles.

“Because who uses that excuse when they are presented with a sure thing?” I said taking a bite of toast.

“Maybe he really did have an early meeting, Faith.” Anna said soothingly over her cup of coffee.

I gave her an eye roll.

“Well, even if he did lie, are you going to go out with him again?” Zoey asked.

“We have another date scheduled for Tuesday.” I said.

“Then why don’t you just ask him if he lied and see what the deal is?” Zoey said.

I sighed.

“No, that would just make things awkward. Besides, if Randy doesn’t want to have sex, then I have someone else who will...eventually.” I said shrugging and putting a forkful of eggs in my mouth.

“Um. Who?” Zoey asked taking a sip of juice.

“This guy I’ve been dating. Well actually two.”

The three of them shared a look.

“Just how many guys are you dating, Faith?” Molly asked.

“Three. Why?”

“Well…what exactly is your goal?” Anna said leaning forward a little.

“What do you mean?” I asked a little angrily.

“What, exactly, are you doing?”

I stared at her blankly.

“Faith, are you really looking to get back into a relationship right now?” Zoey asked after putting her fork down.

“Of course not. I’m just having fun! I’m dating.” I said, “I’m putting myself out there and meeting new people, and, eventually, I’ll be having great sex.”

“Do these three guys know about each other?” Molly asked.

“No. And they don’t need to. I’m not in a relationship with any of them. We are just dating.”

The three of them didn’t say anything.

“What!?” I asked exasperatedly.

“Come on, Faith. Do you really think you should be doing this? Even if you are just having fun do you honestly think you are emotionally ready for getting involved with other guys right now?” Zoey said harshly.

“Yes. I do. I’m fine. I’ve moved on.”

I knew this would eventually come up. I don’t understand why my friends are being so overbearing about my love life right now. Molly dated a bunch of other guys before her and Calvin decided to get into the non-relationship they’re in (nope they still haven’t had “the talk”). I’m just getting myself out there. Isn’t that better than being mopey and self-pitying in my apartment?

“You guys broke up just over a month ago, Faith. You were together for more than a year! You were engaged! There’s a certain amount of grieving time you’re allowed to take…” Anna said.

“And I don’t need it! I spent the majority of my relationship with Sean grieving for our relationship, especially towards the end. It was over as soon as he told me he cheated on me. We may have tried but it was over long before it ended, okay? Can you guys just drop it?” I said getting angry.

“Fine.” Zoey said stonily.

“Faith, have you…uh…heard from him at all?” Molly asked meekly. I glared at her.

“No.”

“Have you been reading the paper?” Anna asked just as meekly.

“I work at a newspaper; I’m up to date on current events.” I said acidly.

“That’s not what we’re talking about…” Zoey said quietly, “Faith, the tour has been put on hiatus. Their last show is in three weeks. He’s not going to be on tour anymore.”

I nearly choked on my eggs.

“WHAT!?” I practically screamed it. People were looking at our table with disgruntled or concerned looks. I could feel my face getting hot.

“Apparently someone was laundering money at his record company and so everything currently happening has to be put on hold during the investigation. The tour has been put on an indefinite hiatus along with everything else the record label was involved in. The article we all saw was that they’ll play in the area like they did before the tour but they can’t continue to the tour until the investigation is completely closed which could take months.” Zoey said.

“Or years.” Anna corrected.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“H-he’s coming back?”

“Looks like it. He didn’t tell you?” Zoey asked.

“We haven’t spoken or been in contact s-since I kicked him out.” I said still in complete shock.

I excused myself, paid my bill, and went home. I don’t know what to think right now. I have my date with Hank tonight and I have to go get ready for it. I don’t know what to say.

Lame

Dinner with Randy last night was really sweet but I’m kind of confused and disappointed. We went to this cool Asian place where they cook the food right in front of you and they do all sorts of cool flips and twists with it while they cook it. It was entertaining and fascinating. I could have watched the chef do all of his crazy tricks for hours.

I was wearing a red dress with a very flattering neckline (it showed off the girls perfectly) and black pumps and my hair was pulled up into a half pony but it was lightly curled so it looked softer than a straight half pony. Randy was wearing a dark blue Henley and dark washed jeans. He had a gray blazer on, too and his light brown hair was just the right touch of messy. If you can’t tell, I really like him.

“So what do you do, Faith?”

“I’m an HR rep for a newspaper that is partnered with a local news station.” I said, “I really like what I do and the people I work with are great. We’re actually about to go completely digital.”

“That’s sounds like a pretty big undertaking.”

“It was, at first, but I think we’re all settling into the change pretty nicely. Hopefully our subscription base will, too.”

We finished dinner and then went to a cupcake bar about a block away. We shared one of the biggest cupcakes I’ve ever seen (red velvet with cream cheese) and drank some coffee. After dessert we decided to go walk in a park nearby that had a gorgeous fountain. It was really romantic to sit there watching the water fall with Randy. It was unusually warm for this time of year so I took my shoes off and put my feet in the water, Randy laughed.

“Are you always this spontaneous?” He asked coyly.

“A little spontaneity never hurt anyone.”

Unfortunately, it just happened to be that moment when a police officer came into the plaza of the park and told me that I wasn’t allowed to put my feet in the fountain. I removed them and turned myself back around while mumbling “sorry, I didn’t know” while Randy giggled at me.

“Okay, so maybe spontaneity can get you into trouble.” I said laughing, “Now my feet are wet.” I said looking down.

“I’ll be right back.” Randy said getting up and walking out of sight. He came back with a handful of napkins. He knelt down and wiped my feet off then put my shoes back on. It was weird, but also oddly sexy at the same time. As he was moving to stand up I leaned in and kissed him.

We went back to our apartment building and were in front of my apartment when things got awkward. We kissed in front of my door for a couple passionate seconds, he had one arm around me and the other wrapped around my shoulders with his hand in my hair. When we broke away I leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked him seductively.

He broke away from me completely and then looked down at his watch; he looked like he was wrestling with himself internally.

“I can’t, Faith, I have a big meeting tomorrow and it’s really early. Rain check?”

“Okay.” I said trying not to sound completely bummed out.

He kissed me good night and then left. I don’t get it. We have great chemistry and it’s obvious we like each other. I thought we had a great time, so why did he blow me off? I couldn’t have made it clearer that we would have sex if he came upstairs and instead he gave me the “I have to wake up early” excuse?! WTF!?

(Today (October 7th) is the two year anniversary of this blog. I can't believe I've kept it up for this long. Thanks for reading and coming back every week, readers, most of the time reading your comments and opinions on what will happen next motivate me to keep this blog going. YOU are the reason I continue to write about Faith. Who knew that a school project would still have a life two years after the fact? -del)

Awkward Assumptions

I’ve been taking my hula hooping classes for a month now and I’m really liking them. I decided to pay for another month’s worth of classes. I can’t keep the hoop on my waist for very long but I’ve definitely made progress since I could never keep it on my waist for more than a few seconds before. Also: hula hooping hurts. I have SO MANY bruises. The hoops aren’t the ones you buy from a store, they’re made for dancing and they’re made from a heavier material and when you drop it or hit yourself with it, it leaves a bruise. Hula hooping also works a ton of muscles. After my first class I could barely move the next day. I really like it as a form of exercise and I even cleared out a corner of my apartment so I could have room to do it more regularly at home. It really gets your heart pumping and you don’t have to just do it on your waste, doing stuff with it off your waist can really work your arm muscles!

Anyway, the whole reason I’m telling you this is because something awkward happened at work today. I was eating lunch with my normal crew (Suzy, Dina, Steve, and Stormy) and when I was done Stormy pulled me aside.

“Faith, can I talk to you?” He asked as we were all leaving. Dina, Suzy, and Steve shared a look but kept walking.

“Sure, what is it, Stormy?”

“Well, as your friend I’m concerned about you.”

I looked at him blankly and he continued.

“I’m just going to come out and say it: is your boyfriend hitting you?”

I burst out laughing.

“What!?”

“Faith, you can tell me. We’ll get you some help.”

“Stormy, Sean is NOT hitting me and he never has. ANDhe’s not my boyfriend anymore.” I said more seriously.

“Faith, it’s okay, you don’t have to lie.”

“What are you talking about? Sean and I broke up nearly a month ago!”

“You have bruises all over your arms!”

I stared at Stormy with confusion before realizing where the bruises came from, then I started laughing again.

“Stormy, the bruises are from a hula hooping class I’ve been taking. The hoops are weighted and leave bruises. No one is hitting me except for my hula hoop. I’m fine. REALLY.” I said.

Stormy didn’t look convinced.

“I swear! No one is hitting me.” I said exasperatedly.

“I-I’m sorry.” He said, “Suzy and Dina were concerned and they wanted me to-”

“It’s fine.”

“So you and Sean broke up a month ago?”

I cleared my throat and looked away, “Yeah. I’m seeing other people, though…casually.”

“I see.”

“How is living with Rose?” I asked trying to change the subject to something that would make him uncomfortable for a change.

“Oh. Uh. It’s fine. You know. Whatever.”

“Okay, well, I’m going to get back to work…”

“Me too.” He said. We left in opposite directions and avoided each other for the rest of the day. I’m not going to dwell on it, though. I have my date with Randy tonight and on Friday I have a date with Chris (a real one) and on Saturday I’m going out with Hank again. Dating keeps my schedule pretty full; I don’t have time to worry about Stormy.

Coffee and Kisses

Randy is great, you guys. He picked me up at about 10:30 and we walked to a café near our building that serves a great brunch. I ordered a vanilla latte and Randy got a caramel mocha. We shared a giant croissant and a fruit salad. He’s an accountant for a big law firm downtown and runs marathons (he’s pretty hot, guys). We got on the subject of pets.

“Murphy was really sick before I adopted him. I saw him at the shelter and the woman wanted me to adopt a kitten, she said Murphy probably wouldn’t live much longer but I decided to adopt him anyway. He gave me a few scares, but he got through it and he’s been doing fine ever since.”

“Lady was the runt of the litter and she was dropped off at a shelter because her owners didn’t want the runt. I adopted her because she was an outcast and I’ve never regretted it. She’s a little hard to train but we’re getting there.”

“She’s a gorgeous dog.” I said.

“Thanks. I have to brush her all the time, but she enjoys it.” He laughed.

“Murphy does okay with brushing, but too much of it makes him agitated.”

We decided to go for a walk in a park nearby. It was the park that Sean and I had had an evening picnic in during a meteor shower a few months ago. I tried not to think about that.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Randy asked as we walked.

“Yeah.” I said. It was cold enough for a sweater but sunny with just a hint of a breeze.

We settled on a bench and watched people ride bikes or play Frisbee with their dogs. It was nice and quiet and comfortable.

“You know, I really like you, Faith.” Randy said. He was wearing a light sweater and his light brown hair was windswept just as it had been the day we met in the mailroom. His blue eyes really popped with his dark blue sweater.

“I like you, too.” I said smiling, “Thank you for the coffee and the breakfast. I really liked it. I’ve had a lot of fun with you today.”

“Enough to do it again, maybe for dinner later this week?”

“I’m free on Wednesday.” I said laughing.

“I’ll pick you up at 7:00.” He smiled and leaned in and kissed me. It was gentle and he seemed nervous about it until I started kissing back. We basically made out on that park bench for five minutes before getting up and walking back to my building. We walked up the stairs together and he kissed me again to say goodbye on the third floor. I’ve been beaming ever since. People at work have been looking at me weird because I’m so much happier than I have been the last few weeks. Steve even gave me a very suggestive eyebrow lift when I walked into my office just now. I was blushing because Randy sent me a text telling me how excited he was about dinner on Wednesday night.

Frat Fun

So, the “friend’s house” that Chris wanted us to go to is actually his frat house, like the house he shares with his frat buddies. I was really annoyed that he didn’t tell me this and made it sound like an obligation. When I got there the party was in full swing…and it was a toga party. In the backyard they were having a “wet toga” contest with some sorority sisters, there were topless girls in the pool, and one gentleman was walking around with a sock on. That’s it. Just a sock. It was strategically placed…but it was still a sock. I found Chris mixing drinks in the kitchen.

“Chris?” I asked.

He turned around and took me in.

“You made it! I’m so glad, it’s kind of hard to find.”

“Yeah, I found it. Look, I’m going to go. I didn’t want you to think I stood you up but this really isn’t what I thought it was going to be.”

It was hard to hear each other over the noise of the music and the hoots from the backyard.

“What!? You’re leaving!? But you just got here!” He said.

“I’m sorry, but this isn’t my kind of party, okay?” I shouted over the music.

“Faith, please, have a beer. We can go upstairs, it’ll be quieter there.”

He looked really sad, so I nodded and he led me upstairs. I declined the beer.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He said, “But I didn’t think you’d come to some stupid frat party. I have to be here because I’m an officer for my frat. But I’ll be able to leave soon once things calm down. They sprung this on me after we’d made plans. I thought it would have been worse to cancel at the last minute.”

“You should have told me,” I said.

We had found an outdoor balcony that overlooked the front yard. It was a little quieter than the kitchen and we didn’t have to shout to hear each other.

“I know. I’m really sorry. Will you let me make this up to you later? I’ll take you out on a real date where I don’t have to baby sit our new members, okay? Where we can have some actually privacy.”

I thought about it. He seemed really sincere about it and it did seem like it was a last minute kind of thing. I nodded.

“Okay,” I said, “But you don’t have to lie to me. I can handle last minute cancelations.”

“Deal.” He said.

We talked about where he was going to take me on our second date and the conversation progressed easily. Chris is a really funny guy and he made me laugh all night. Nearly three hours had passed by the time I realized how long I’d been there.

“I should go soon.” I said.

“Okay.” He said.

We were sitting on a swinging bench. He leaned in and kissed me. Uh, he’s really good at it. When we pulled apart I told him I should go and that he should call me about that second date.

“Are you sure you have to go? You could stay here. I don’t have a roommate.” He whispered pulling me in for another kiss. I had almost been convinced to stay when a bunch of his drunk friends in the front yard spotted us on the balcony and started making rude noises and gestures. We broke apart immediately.

“Um. Yeah. I have really do have to go.” I said, “Call me later, okay?”

He nodded and then I left. Even though our date was kind of a wash and not the greatest date ever, I had fun and I would definitely be interested in kissing him some more…or doing other things with him that require his mouth. I have my date with Randy tomorrow that I’m really excited about!

Coffee and House Parties

I really like Randy. Instead of calling me, he came upstairs to my door and asked me if I was free for coffee this weekend. It was cute and he was cute about it. I could tell he was nervous.

“I am free, but I have plans on Saturday night, but I could do the morning or afternoon.” I said.

We were talking in my doorway and Murphy tried to get outside. Randy was able to catch him before he got too far and brought him back to me.

“So who is this little guy?” He asked as he handed Murphy over.

“This would be my little handful, Murphy.”

We talked for a few more minutes, made plans for Sunday late in the morning, and then said goodbye. I couldn’t meet with him on Saturday because that’s when I’m going on a date with Chris. We’re going to a college party (I know, gross) at his friend’s house. He said that we didn’t have to stay there all night and that he’d just have to “make an appearance” and then we could go to a movie or something. Normally, this wouldn’t be something I would ever agree to, since, you know, I’m out of college and don’t really want to go back to the drunk party experience (and he’s a senior so you’d think he’d be over it too, but I guess not), but I’m being open minded and maybe it will actually be fun. The date with Hank was fun (the lack of chemistry wasn’t) and I would normally have never gone out with him, so you never know in these situations, I guess.

I’m planning on wearing a gray jersey dress with black flats and my hair pulled back, that way if I’m puked on, it won’t ruin one of my favorite dresses or pairs of shoes. I’m looking forward to my date with Randy, though. It should be pretty laid back. I might even let him get to first base.

Hank

Hank is…interesting. He looks kind of like Danny DeVito but that’s okay because looks are not everything. I met him at the tapas bar right on time and, thankfully, he wasn’t drunk like Todd had been, so that was a plus from the start. We ordered a sampler of different tapas to try and two glasses of sangria before going over to our table. There was a dance floor with what seemed professionals dancing on it (Latin dancing is intense guys) and we watched for a little while as we made comments about how good they were.

I’m going to be honest, it was awkward at first. We didn’t have immediate chemistry but I think that’s because Hank might have been nervous. Once our food and drinks came he seemed to loosen up a bit. He talked about his kids for awhile and mentioned that his granddaughter just started kindergarten. I was a little surprised that he was a grandfather. Apparently he also has a grandson who is three and his daughter-in-law is expecting her first this January. Hank’s ex-wife lives in Florida and he avoided talking about her.

“How recent was your divorce?” I asked gently.

“A few months ago, but it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. You want to dance?”

I nodded and we went and danced, which was awkward because I was wearing four inch heels and Hank is really short so his head was just above my waist. I had fun dancing with him, though. He made me laugh a lot and we’re going to go out again. When we left the tapas bar to say goodbye he immediately lit up a cigar, which was a turnoff for me, but I ignored it. He hailed me a cab, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then waved as the cab drove off.

Honestly, it was a fun date, but the lack of chemistry that filtered in was concerning. I’m going to give him another chance with a second date before I totally write this off.

(Blogspot must have had a hiccup and didn't post this when it said it would. Sorry readers. I promise the late posting isn't going to be a habit. -del)

Happy Handfuls

Something interesting happened today: I was asked out on a date. I was coming home after running a bunch of errands (grocery shopping, picking up some cat food and dry cleaning, etc.) and stopped to pick up my mail. There was this guy in the mail room with his dog on a leash. He was wearing a burgundy sweater and his hair was windswept. I smiled as I opened my mail box when his dig became interested in the bag of groceries I was holding and tried to jump up to inspect it further.

“Lady, no!” He said as she (a black lab) tried to get at the bushel of greens hanging out of my bag, “I’m really sorry.” He said as he pulled her over to him and had her sit down.

“It’s fine, really. How old is she?” I asked bending down to let her sniff my hand.

“She’ll be a year in about a month. She’s a handful sometimes.” He said.

“I hear ya. I have a cat and he can be a handful sometimes, too.” I said standing up and opening my mail box, “I’ve never seen you before, did you just move in?” I asked.

“Yeah, about a month ago. We’re still getting settled in.” He said, “I’m on floor three.”

“I’m on five. How are you liking it here so far?”

“It’s nice. I like the extra security they’ve got and it’s close to a lot of convenient places. I’m Randy, by the way. And this is Lady.”

We shook hands and I introduced myself. Just as I was about to say goodbye and head toward the stairwell he stopped me.

“Faith, I know this is cheesy and might possibly make this incredibly awkward, but would you like to get some coffee some time? Uh…with me?”

I was caught off guard. I hadn’t expected him to ask me out and so I think I took too long of a pause because he looked crestfallen.

“I’m sorry, that was weird. I mean-”

“No. It’s fine.” I smiled, “I’d love to. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

I put my cell phone number into his phone and told him to call me and then walked upstairs to my apartment. I’ve been smiling all day. It’s nice to feel desirable and now I have another date this week. My date with Hank is later tonight. We’re going to a tapas bar. It should be fun!

Next!

Tonight I had my date with Todd. I got home after work and did my hair; pulled back and up with loose curls. Then I set about looking for the perfect outfit. I went with a cobalt blue dress with black lace accents around the bust and hem line and then paired it with a pair of black strappy shoes and a light gray cardigan. I redid my make-up, fed Murphy, and headed out the door to go meet him.

Our plan was to meet at a funky bar and grill downtown, have some drinks and share an appetizer, and if things went well, we’d have dinner together. I was nervous before I got there. I don’t know why but I think it might have had something to do with the fact that this was my first blind date and Todd and I found each other on the internet. I know it seems outdated but meeting people from the internet in real life terrifies me. My parents were constantly warning me about the dangers of meeting people from the internet as a kid and so there’s still a taboo about it for me.

I found the bar and grill fairly easily but took a few minutes outside to pull myself together and relax a little bit. Then I sent a text to Anna, Molly, and Zoey, telling them Todd’s full name and where we were meeting. When I went in I saw Todd almost immediately and sensed something was off. He waved me over to the bar where he was sitting, there were three bottles of beer sitting in front of him, all empty and he was really hyper.

“Faith?” He asked as I came over. I smiled and nodded as I sat down on the bar stool next to him.

The bar tender came over with two more beers and placed them in front of us.

“I got here a bit early. I hope you don’t mind.” Todd said motioning to the three empty beer bottles.

“Uh…it’s okay.” I said hesitantly.

We decided on an appetizer (mozzarella sticks) and while we were waiting for them (the bar was really busy so it took awhile) Todd moved on to harder liquor. I hadn’t finished my beer yet so I declined when he asked me if I wanted him to order two gin and tonics instead of one. By the time we finished our mozzarella sticks, Todd was so drunk that our date ended shortly after with me putting him in a cab and sending him home, but not before he tried to drunkenly cop a feel and shove his tongue down my throat. Luckily, he was so drunk that he missed and ended up kissing the side of the cab. I was pretty embarrassed. There were people who had been standing outside the bar and grill watching me try to wrangle him into the cab and as I went to walk to the train I noticed they were giving me sympathetic looks.

So the first date was a wash but I’m not discouraged! I still have two more dates scheduled for this week and I’m sure they won’t be as bad as this one.

New World

I went shopping with Zoey and Molly (Anna is dealing with two sick babies so she couldn’t come) today and told them about my upcoming dates. Hank messaged me back a few times and we set up a time to meet next week, so I have a total of three dates and I told Molly and Zoey this with excitement.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do but I’ll text you guys all their info before I leave with them and let you know when I get back. I’ll also let you know where we’re going once they tell me where to meet them.” I said perusing a sales rack.

“That’s…a good idea, Faith.” Molly said.

“Yeah.” Zoey said weakly.

I turned on them and eyed them with suspicion.

“What is the problem?” I asked.

Molly and Zoey shared a look.

“Um…well…don’t you think you should maybe take, like, a break from dating for awhile?” Zoey said.

“What?” I said.

“You and Sean just broke up, Faith. Don’t you want to step away from dating for awhile to grieve and stuff?” Molly said trying to build on Zoey’s point.

“No.” I said blankly, “I’m ready to move on. I just spent nearly a year wasting my time on someone; I don’t want to spend any more time feeling bad about that. I am single and ready to mingle!”

“Do you really want to get involved with someone else?” Zoey asked.

“I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. You guys, I’m just going out on dates. You know, getting free food, dressing up, making out, maybe having some casual sex. I’m young! This is what people my age do!” I said moving on from the sales rack.

“Okay…except we’re also your age and we don’t do those things.” Molly pointed out.

“You guys are in exclusive relationships with people. I’m not. My exclusive relationship…well…semi-exclusive relationship since he cheated on me, is totally over so I can go out and date whoever I want. You guys should be happy for me!”

“We are, Faith, but we want you to take some time for yourself.” Zoey said.

“But I did spend a lot of time by myself. While Sean was touring all I did was think about our relationship. I spent SO MUCH time thinking about it that I don’t need a break. I just want to get out there and meet guys who deserve me.”

“Are you even attracted to these guys, Faith? They don’t really sound like guys you’re going to mesh with…” Molly asked.

“I’m trying to date outside the box. Picking guys based on what I find appealing obviously isn’t working for me since my last two boyfriends cheated on me so I’m considering guys that maybe I wouldn’t normally consider on first glance. There is a rhyme and a reason, Molly.”

Zoey and Molly decided to drop it and started asking me more questions about the guys I’m going out with. I’m excited for my dates next week and more importantly, I’m excited about not being tied down to anyone. I’m enjoying my new found freedom.

(Sorry! I had three exams this week and I totally forgot what day it was by the time Friday rolled around. -del)

Digital Age

I poured myself a glass of wine and logged into the dating site I had signed up for. I, surprisingly, had a few messages from interested parties. I decided to go into this whole experience with an open mind (the wine helped) and not count off guys I would normally not consider.

Candidate number 1 is a guy named Chris. He’s 3 years younger than I am which would normally be a reason I wouldn’t date him. He’s still in college and has a surfer vibe going on. He’s blonde with spikey hair and a goatee and his profile picture was of him in swim trunks with his surfboard (where he goes surfing around here, I have no idea because we are not near an ocean). He sent me a cheesey message that made me laugh and we messaged back and forth for awhile before setting a time to meet for next week.

Candidate number 2 is a guy named Hank. He’s significantly older than me (in his 40s) and is a divorcee with two grown children (who are older than me) which are all reasons I would not have considered him, normally. He sent me a message that asked engaging questions and didn’t come off as creepy so I sent him a message back. He’s kind of overweight and he’s smoking a cigar in his profile picture (and also wearing clothes that retired people in Florida wore in the 90s) which is a big turn off, but maybe it’s a rare thing. We’ll see if he replies.

Candidate number 3 is a guy named Todd. He seems like a real party animal. In his profile picture he’s doing a keg stand at a college party but he’s not in college anymore and the caption indicated that it was a recent picture. He seems like he maybe crashes college parties on the weekend, which is kind of skeevy, but maybe I’m just getting the wrong impression of him and he’s just trying to make it seem like he’s more lively than he actually is. He’s got short brown hair and an average looking physique. He’s a year older than I am and works at a law firm as a paralegal; his profile also says that he loves dogs and hates cats, but I decided to give him a shot because his message seemed sincere. We messaged back and forth (he got really flirty) and scheduled a time to meet for next week as well.

All the other messages I ignored because a lot of them seemed creepy or vulgar (why do guys think it’s okay to ask me to send them pictures of my boobs online? NOT COOL.). I updated my profile a bit and changed my pictures to some that were more flattering and added more about myself overall. I hope these dates really open things up for me. I’m sick of dating the wrong kinds of guys so maybe being more open-minded with my dating options will get me to do the right kind of guys.

Trading Up

The new website has launched! Todd and Tanya briefed the staff and gave tutorials on the various sections of it all morning. When everyone was released the mood of the writing staff seemed to be one of hesitation and open mindedness, which is a good sign. Hopefully our subscribers will be as open to the upcoming change. About an hour later, Stormy came in to my office.

“Faith, I need to take two days off of work next week.”

‘Okay,” I said spinning in my chair to get the appropriate forms, “What’s the reason?” I asked.

“It’s just two personal days, not like bereavement leave or anything. I’m moving.”

I froze and looked over at him.

“Oh.” I said awkwardly before handing him the right forms.

“I decided to move in with Rose.” He said grabbing a pen and writing on the paper I gave him.

“Congratulations.” I said caught off guard.

“Thanks.” He said; the pen’s scratching was extremely loud in our awkward silence.

He cleared his throat and handed the forms to me.

“I’ll put this in today. It sh-shouldn’t be a problem.” I said trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably.

“Thanks.” He said before leaving.

As he closed my door my heart sank. I feel stupid for even entertaining the idea of getting together with Stormy. He’s with someone else and I just told him to move on AND I feel so dumb for even considering dating a co-worker again. Stupid, stupid Faith! I’m so frustrated with my whole situation. Agreeing to date Sean was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made and I am moving on. As soon as I get home, I’m checking out the dating profile I (drunkenly) made and I’m going to schedule some dates. I’m not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself because Stormy did exactly what I told him to do. And I’m definitely not going to sit at home and cry over Sean. I did enough of that during our relationship. I deserve a good relationship and if it can’t be with Stormy (for so, so many reasons that go against better judgment) then it’s going to be with someone who deserves me.