Milestones

I found writing the letter about my feelings for Kevin to be extremely difficult simply because there’s so much for me to write and I was getting overwhelmed with it. I told Dr. Sheehan this at our next session and she helped me organize the main problems I had with the relationship and the aftermath which lead me to write a 5 page letter. Front and back. Then we burned it in her office on a metal disc and it was SO freeing. I really feel like I’ve made so much progress in therapy and that this was a huge milestone for me.

Speaking of progress, I think I might have made some on the Stormy situation at work. Veronica is still dodging me but I contacted the HR person for the news station and asked them if they would be willing to sit down with Veronica, Stormy, and I for a meeting to possibly re-negotiate his contract. They e-mailed me back almost immediately saying that they would be free to do that meeting whenever the time best suited the rest of us. Now I just have to get Veronica cornered in to a time which is obviously going to be the hardest part of this little operation of mine. I’m thinking I might be able to swing it though if I tell her I need to meet with her and make it a lunch meeting. It’s pretty unprofessional of me to schedule her for a meeting with me and invite others without telling her but she’s really given me no other options here. I sent her an e-mail requesting a lunch meeting and I’m waiting back to hear from her. I’m expecting her schedule to be pretty full so, unfortunately for Stormy, it’s probably going to be a few more weeks before we get this thing settled but at least I have a plan in place.

Zoey and I had a great night babysitting the twins. They are such AWESOME babies. They barely cried and their little baby giggles are just adorable. They have also gotten ginormous. Who knew babies grew so quickly? Anna and Theo were thankful for their night off but it was pretty obvious when they got home that that they missed Andrew and Weatherly quite a lot. When I got home to my apartment Murphy was super cuddly.

“Can you smell the babies?” I asked him, “Awww, someone is a jealous kitty. Don’t worry, Murphy, you will always be MY baby.”

I snuggled into bed with my laptop and Murphy and internet surfed for clothes and shoes until I could barely keep my eyes open. It’s been an interesting week. But! Sean should be coming home pretty soon for his longest stay yet and I’ve already started counting the days!

Moving On

I did some thinking about my conversation with Sean and the girls and decided that I need to drop the Guy thing. It’s not my place to make demands about someone else’s relationship. I really just need to let it go and move on. I called Sean but got his voicemail so I left a message apologizing and letting him know I wouldn’t bring it up again. Then I called Zoey and basically said the same thing.

“So I’m going to drop it.”

“That’s good to hear. Any particular reason why?”

“I just thought about it for awhile and decided that it was none of my business.”

“Did Dr. Sheehan help you at all?”

“She did, as did Sean. As always it seems my problems tend to revolve around Kevin and all the horrible things he put me through.” I sighed sadly.

“Faith, the guy hurt you in so many ways. He lied to you, he manipulated you, he was rude to you, he tried to get you fired, and he assaulted you. In front of your boyfriend! It’s okay to still be dealing with all of that.”

“But I don’t want to Zoey. I just want to pretend like I never met him and move on.”

“But you can’t, Faith. Our past experiences make us who we are. I look at it like this: Kevin was a bastard to you but it lead you to one of your healthiest relationships in a long time with a guy that wanted and still wants to help you get through everything.”

Zoey had a point and I changed the subject because I am so over talking about Kevin.

“So is your weekend free?” I asked.

“I think so, why?”

“I thought you and I could offer to watch the twins so Theo and Anna can go out for awhile or something.”

“That’s a great idea. I’ll order some movies on Netflix for us to watch while we are babysitting. You can bring the food.”

“Pizza?”

“Of course.”

“It’s the best food, really.”

“This is why we’re friends, Faith, you understand the truly important stuff in life.”

I laughed and we talked for a little longer before saying good-bye. I sent Anna an e-mail asking if she’d like for Zoey and I to give her and Theo a night off before settling in for the night. Dr. Sheehan recommended I write a letter to Kevin getting everything off my chest but I just ended up staring at a blank piece of paper for an hour. She said once I finished it, I should read it aloud and then burn it because she thought that might help me. Instead I took the contract Kevin signed and took it off my wall. Instead of being a symbol of the closure I got, it just became a reminder. I put it in the very back of my hall closet next to my Christmas decorations. I’ll try to write the letter tomorrow.

Hang Ups

I’ve been ruminating over the Guy thing for the past few days and Dr. Sheehan suggested I talk to Sean about it again to see if I had more clarity on my thoughts after going over them in my head. So when he called last night I decided that it was now or never.

“Hey.” I said smiling.

“Hey, the show tonight was great!”

“That’s awesome!”

“We even did a second encore. People are really liking our music, Faith.”

“Wow, a second encore! That reminds me, I should show you this clipping I took from the paper about the band. I forgot all about it when you were home but I’ll scan it into my computer tomorrow and e-mail it to you. It’s a really great review.”

“Sweet. So how is my favorite fiancée?”

“Um. Fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Okay, I’m bothered about the Guy thing.”

Sean was silent on the other end of the line.

“I just have one question.” I said fully aware of how annoying I was being about this.

“Okay.”

“If you weren’t on the tour right now, would you tell his girlfriend?”

“Why does it matter, Faith?”

“Because it does, Sean!”

“No. I wouldn’t.”

“Oh. I…I see.”

“What is the big deal?”

“It bothers me that you wouldn’t do the right thing.”

“And what exactly is the right thing, Faith?”

“Telling her!” I yelled.

“Really? Is that really what you think the right thing would be in this situation?”

“Yes!”

“And what would come of it?”

“What do you mean?”

“What good would come of me telling Guy’s girlfriend about it?”

“She would know! She could get herself tested for STDs!”

“And then what?”

“…and then she could move on from being cheated on instead of being strung along and treated badly.”

“Faith, I have known Guy for a LOT longer than I have his girlfriend. There is no reason for me to believe she is special to him.”

“What does that mean, Sean?”

“It means that I value my friendship with Guy more than a relationship he has with someone else. It’s not my place to get involved with that. I said my piece to Guy and it’s done. You’re the only one who is still hung up on it. Why?”

“Because….it makes me wonder if your friends would lie to me to cover your ass if you did something to hurt me. And I wouldn’t want that Sean. It would be humiliating for me.”

Sean was quiet on the phone for so long that I actually though we lost the connection.

“Are you really that worried that I’m going to cheat on you?”

“No. I don’t know why this is bothering me so much but it’s not because of that.”

“This is because of your last relationship, isn’t it? This is because of what Kevin did to you.”

I went to speak but was caught off guard. Is it really so obvious to everyone except for me how screwed up Kevin made me? Am I the only one who doesn’t realize it?

“Faith?”

“Yeah….I’m here.”

“You have to know that I would never do what he did to you. I would never….”

“I know. Can we just forget about this whole thing? I’ve got to go.”

“Faith?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Good night Sean.”

I sat on my bed with my hand in my lap still holding the phone. Murphy jumped up next to me and meowed.

“What is wrong with me? I got closure. I moved on. Why am I letting my past interfere so much with what Sean and I have?”

All Murphy could do was meow. Looks like I’ve gotta go back to Dr. Sheehan and discuss this new revelation. I wish Kevin would stop making appearances in my life, guys. It’s just not fair.

Gotta Love Your Friends

I went to see Bridesmaids with the girls (except Anna who stayed home with the twins) last night and it was hilarious. We all had a great time and afterwards we stopped for dinner at a Chinese buffet. I told them about Sean’s visit and eventually got to Guy cheating on his girlfriend.

“Yep. So he isn’t going to say anything to her.” I said angrily sticking my fork in my beef fried rice.

“Why are you so bothered by this?” Molly asked me skeptically.

“Because Guy is lying to his girlfriend and Sean is basically helping him do it by not saying anything.”

“Oh...so you’re not upset that Guy cheated on his girlfriend.” Zoey said.

“What? Yes I am.”

“No. No you’re not. You’re upset because you think Sean is helping him do it and that somehow means he’ll cheat on you and expect his buddies to lie about it, too.” Zoey said taking a bite of orange chicken.

“That’s ridiculous.”

“No, Zoey’s right,” Molly said, “You’re more upset with Sean’s reaction to Guy’s infidelity than the actual dirty groupie sex. It reminds you that Sean could cheat on you and that upsets you. Totally makes sense.”

Zoey and Molly high-fived while I sat there and stared at them.

“Guys, I am NOT worried about Sean cheating on me. I never have been.”

“Whatever dude.” Molly got up to go get more from the buffet and left Zoey and I at the table. She was giggling at me.

“Zoey, you know about Sean’s problems with sex, why would I be worried about Sean sleeping with someone else when he had a hard time having sex with his girlfriend for the first few months of the relationship? He can’t get it up for one night stands.” I whispered.

“Faith, calm down. If you aren’t worried about him cheating on you then just drop the Guy thing. It’s none of your business and it’s none of Sean’s. Sean was right, it’s not his information to tell and it’s not his business to get involved and destroy his co-worker’s relationship.”

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

“Faith, seriously. He’s going to be on tour for months. Do you honestly think breaking up Guy’s relationship by essentially tattling on him to his girlfriend is going to be conducive to living on a tour bus with each other? Sean has to think about his job with this and telling Guy’s girlfriend would not be in the best interests of the tour, the band, or Sean’s music career.”

“But-”

“Guy is a slimy jerk, Faith but it is not Sean’s place. This isn’t a black and white decision and I’m sure Sean would tell Guy’s girlfriend if it wouldn’t make everything else in his life so incredibly complicated.”

I sighed. Zoey was right. Molly came back with a plate of food and I got up to get more and to be alone with my thoughts. I don’t think Sean will cheat on me…I mean…he can’t physically-speaking but our conversation made me wonder why I am so bothered by this whole thing. I just can’t explain why it bothers me so much. It looks like I’ll need to bring this up to Dr. Sheehan at our next session.

Liar

I had to go to work yesterday which gave Sean time to do his laundry and catch up on a few errands but later we went out to dinner to a nice restaurant. It was quiet and romantic and it’s pretty obvious that Sean missed me a lot. He asked me how Murphy has been and how I’ve been and all sorts of things about how my days have been without him. I updated him on Anna’s twins and Zoey and Wesley before asking him about the guys.

“So how is everyone else doing on the tour, besides Karen?”

“Um…I think some of us are more suited to the road than others.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well…Guy sort of cheated on his girlfriend with some girl after a show.”

“What!?”

“I don’t know. It’s not like him.”

“Well, did you tell her?”

“Tell her what? It’s not my news to tell, Faith. It’s none of my business.”

“So you’re just going to let Guy lie to his girlfriend?”

“It’s none of my business.”

“What if it was me, Sean? Wouldn’t you want someone to tell me?”

“What? I’d never do that to you Faith. And if I did, I’d have the respect to tell you myself.”

“So…Guy is just going to sleep around while his girlfriend sits at home and misses him?”

“I guess. None of us have talked to him about it since we all walked in on them.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Jake, Lou, Eddie, and I all walked in on him and this girl on the tour bus.”

“Oh gross! I have lost all respect for him.”

“All of us have.”

“You have to tell her Sean! You just have to.”

“Faith, look, I’m only home until tomorrow, can we please not fight tonight?”

“Fine.” I said trying to push this conversation out of my head.

Sean and I finished dinner and went home to snuggle on my couch but I couldn’t stop thinking about Guy and what a jerk he was. Sean pulled me out of my thoughts.

“What?”

“I said, you should probably get this thing sized. You don’t want it to fling off your finger and lose it on the street.” He was talking about my engagement ring.

“Oh…right. I’ll get it done eventually.”

“You don’t want to put it off, Faith. You could lose it. Look how loose it is.”

“I won’t. I’ll get it done once things at work calm down.”

Sean left this morning and I’m pretty sad about it. He said that he should be back in another month for a longer stay (a whole week!) and that he’ll call me once they get to their hotel for the night. Meanwhile I’m still nowhere with Stormy’s situation and I’m about as frustrated by it as Stormy is. The lack of professionalism Veronica is showing about Stormy’s needs is shocking, to me personally. Running and hiding from issues is not how adults are supposed to function at work. I’m really at a loss of what to do and I can’t talk to anyone, like Suzy or Dina, about it because employee issues that deal with HR are supposed to be confidential.

He's Home

I decided to make Sean a home-cooked meal for when he got home. I’d been cooking a slab of roast beef in the slow cooker all day and just popped the stuffed mushrooms Sean loves out of the oven. I put them in the microwave so they would stay warm as I finished mashing the potatoes, making the gravy, and putting chocolate brownies in the oven. I was wearing a black, form-fitting dress with the music note necklace Sean got me, some red pumps, fishnets, and my hair was up in a half pony. I looked good and Sean walked in the door as soon as I closed the oven.

He put his black duffle bag down in the foyer and called for me. I came around the corner and we basically made out in my foyer for 10 minutes. We probably would have had sex right there on the floor if dinner wasn’t ready and waiting. Sean looked tired so I told him to go put his duffle bag in my room and relax while I set the table.

“Are you sure? I can help.”

“No, go relax. You’ve been on a tour bus all day.”

I set the table and put all of the food out before calling him over, he was practically nodding off on the couch.

“This looks amazing, Faith, thank you.” He said while pouring me a glass of wine.

“You’re welcome, I’m sure you’d want some real food after living off of fast food and diners.”

Sean told me about the tour and how it’s been going.

“At first, it was exciting but now, we’ve been on the road for nearly a month and it’s sort of turned into this blur of performances. I don’t even know where we’re going next.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, this is great for all of us and our careers but it’s already started taking its toll.”

“How so?”

“Well Karen’s boyfriend dumped her a few weeks ago. He couldn’t handle the time apart and Karen can’t just leave in the middle of the tour. I mean she’s our manager and practically the tour manager, too. He did it via text message. She’s been pretty broken up about it.”

“Text message?” I said wide-eyed.

“Yeah. Apparently they talked on the phone one night, got into a fight, and he ended up giving her an ultimatum: quit the tour and come back or break up. She said she needed time to think and he hung up on her. The next day he sent her a text saying it was over and that she needed to come get her stuff. That’s sort of why we have these three days off.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, I mean we had a scheduled break soon, so Karen just switched some dates around and moved up our small break.”

“Wow, so where is she staying now?”

“I think her parents’ house? She organized a storage unit to put all of her stuff while she’s on tour and towards the end she’s going to have her sister find her an apartment so when the tour ends she can just move right into it.”

“Poor Karen, is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t think she really wants the attention right now. Oh…hey why aren’t you wearing your engagement ring?” Sean looked at my hand with confusion.

“Oh, I forgot to put it back on. I didn’t want it to get dirty while I made dinner, so I put it in my jewelry box for safe-keeping. I’ll go put it on right now and take the brownies out of the oven.”

I gave Sean a kiss and then went to my room. I slid the ring on my finger, popped the brownies out of the oven to cool, and then grabbed the vanilla ice cream hanging out in my freezer. I cut us both out a square of brownie and topped it with ice cream before coming out and setting them on the table.

“Yum!” Sean said.

I waved my left hand around in a flourish and Sean laughed.

“What a GORGEOUS ring, Faith.”

“I know, my fiancé picked it out for me,” I said smiling, “Isn’t it perfect?”

“It is. A perfect ring for a perfect lady.”

“Well, the ring may be perfect but my fiancé is really the perfect one.”

“Okay…even I’m getting grossed out by how cute we’re being.”

“Me too.”

We laughed and dug into our dessert while I told Sean all about the girls and the issue I’m having at work.

“She just keeps avoiding the meeting. It’s not like her, something is up. Steve told me she could be fired.”

“But Steve is a gossip, right? I mean how does he know?”

“Some of the higher-ups have been coming to our office and meeting with Veronica. Everyone has been talking about it.”

“Yeah but that could be for any reason. The news has been all over the place lately, maybe they just want to be more involved with what is being covered?”

“I guess that’s possible.” I said.

“This brownie is awesome, what did you put in it?”

“I used white chocolate chips in addition to milk chocolate.”

“Nice choice.” Sean said, “So…I have a really important question.”

“Okay.” I giggled.

“Why haven’t we had sex yet? I’m about to rip that dress off of you.”

“I still have the dishes to do,” I said standing up and reaching to collect the plates.

“Leave them I’ll do them later.” And then Sean chased me into my bedroom.

Avoidance

Sean sent me a video he took from the stage during one of their tour performances and I was shocked at how big the crowd was. I think Sean has been downplaying how successful the band has been getting because he’s worried or something. There was a small article about his band in the paper the other day that was really nice. The writer said they thought Sean’s band would be at the top of the charts by next year. It’s sort of surreal to think about that but with the video he sent me, I can definitely believe it. The things is….I’m not sure that Sean even wants that. We’re doing well but I’ve gotta say: I miss him a lot. He’s coming home tomorrow for three days and I can’t wait. I’m so excited to see him that I can barely focus on work.

Speaking of which, Veronica agreed to cut the number of stories Stormy is being assigned and extended his deadlines but she evaded my questions about setting up a meeting with him and the HR rep for the station. Stormy is right. This isn’t typical of Veronica; something is going on with her. It’s not really my place to get to the bottom of it, either. I went to tell Stormy after lunch, he was at his desk, as usual. He followed me into my office and sat down wearily, but hopeful.

“So I talked to Veronica. She’s going to talk to Greg about reducing the amount of stories you’re being assigned and pushing your deadlines back a little.”

Stormy let out a sigh of relief, “Okay, so when are we going to meet to discuss my contract?”

I looked at the floor, “Stormy, you might not even want to renegotiate your contract with the lesser work load.”

“Oh COME ON!” He was yelling, “Even YOU couldn’t get her to schedule a meeting!?”

“Stormy, there’s a lot going on right now for everyone.” I said trying to calm him down, “Veronica has always been a hard person to schedule time with. Take the lesser workload and see how you feel after a week or two, okay?”

Stormy looked pissed but nodded. He left my office in a huff.

“WHAT was that about?” Steve said coming into my office and handing me some files I’d asked him to copy.

“Nothing.” I sighed, “Veronica has been hard to schedule a meeting with.”

“Oh…” Steve laid the files on my desk but I stopped him.

“What do you know?” I asked glaring at him.

“Um. Nothing. Why would you think that I…I don’t know anything.” Steve was avoiding eye contact with me.

“Spill it, Steve.”

“It’s just a rumor.”

“I want to hear it.”

“Word on the street is that Veronica might be fired by the higher-ups.”

“What! Why?”

“I have no idea. I swear!”

“How do you know this?”

“Rose said that a few of Veronica’s bosses are keeping tabs on her and scheduling almost daily meetings. She said she can often hear raised voices but she isn’t sure what the meetings are about; the only thing she’s been able to get is that they aren’t going in Veronica’s favor.”

“Steve that’s ridiculous! We’d see them in the office if they were coming here every day.”

“We have seen them though! Rose said they usually come in the morning before everyone else gets into work, but I’ve seen them come at later times in the day, too. You’re usually in your office, so it makes sense that you’ve never seen them walking around the floor.”

I was shocked at what Steve was saying. Not just because it was surprising but because I hadn’t noticed it at all. I told Steve to try and shut the rumors down if he could and then he left. If Veronica is fired I don’t know what that will mean for the paper or me. I mean, she hired me. She hired all of us! If the higher-ups were questioning her judgment they might choose to re-evaluate all of us as well to see if there were better candidates and to weed out any mistakes Veronica may have made.

(Author's Note: I apologize for posting this late but Blogger was undergoing maintenance and wouldn't let me post it when I wanted to.)

Calm Before the Storm

Things at work have been puttering along. The staff has been under a lot of pressure for deadlines because the news lately has almost been non-stop since January and now with the earthquake in Japan and the stuff happening in Libya….I feel bad for the staff. So to boost morale I had a brunch catered for everyone in the big conference room.

Stormy walked in and started spreading cream cheese on a bagel and he looked ragged. Veronica has successfully pushed back meeting with him at least three times and every week he just looks more and more overwhelmed. It’s starting to show on the news broadcasts, as well. The make-up team can only do so many things for the bags under Stormy’s eyes and I’m starting to think I might have to step in on behalf of the well-being of our employee. I don’t even know if he’s being paid overtime like he should be because that’s technically the responsibility of the station’s head of HR, not me. The paper is supposed to be a side job for Stormy to add a sense of familiarity to the readers that also watch the broadcasts but it’s pretty obvious it’s started taking up more and more of his time.

“Here,” I said handing him a cup of coffee, “You look really tired.”

“Thanks, I know I look like hell.” He gulped the coffee down and shoved the bagel in his mouth, “Gotta get back to work.”

I decided to go back to work and not bother him. He was already stressed out and me butting in and asking him about how he was feeling wasn’t going to help him, really. I ended up catching up on some work I’d put off until the very last minute and ended up staying at work until almost 8. I put my coat on and grabbed my bag in my office and headed out. I got in the hallway to my office and noticed someone’s light was still on. When I turned the corner Stormy was sitting at his desk looking tortured. I smiled sadly before walking up to him and throwing his jacket on his lap.

“Come on,” I said, “I’m going to take you out for a beer. You need food, too. Let’s go.”

“I can’t, I’ve got to finish this by the end of the day.” He sighed.

“The end of the day was three hours ago, dude, let’s go. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Fine but I’ve got to come back here right after.” He said grabbing his jacket and following me to the elevators.

“Deal.” I said.

We went to the bar across from our building and I bought us both two beers and cheeseburgers with fries.

“When was the last time you slept?” I asked.

“I’ve been up for 36 hours and counting.” He sounded miserable.

“Why don’t you ask for some time off?” I suggested.

“Because Veronica can fire me from being a writer but she can’t fire me as a newscaster. I’m still on contract. The one job I want out of would need to be negotiated with her and if I take time off she’ll fire me from the job she knows I want and keep me as a newscaster.”

“You can’t be fired for taking two days off from work, Stormy.”

“It’ll still look bad or when the time comes to actually talk about this with Veronica. Come on Faith, she’s cancelled this meeting constantly, she knows what I’m going to ask for and she doesn’t want to deal with it so she’s just stringing me along by rescheduling it. You know it, I know it, and she definitely knows it.”

“Is waiting until your contract expires and then not renewing it an option?” I asked.

“It doesn’t expire for another two years. I can’t do this for much longer let alone two more years.”

“Okay, look. I’ll talk to Veronica to see if we can get your deadlines reduced, at least for now so you don’t die from some sort of stress-induced ulcer. That will buy you some time before spiraling into a breakdown until she talks with you. I will also ask her to meet with you soon.”

“Thanks Faith.” Stormy said.

“It’s what friends are for.” I said smiling at him.

We ate in silence for a little while before Stormy spoke again.

“So it’s true, huh? The rock is huge.”

I looked down at my engagement ring and laughed.

“Yeah, it’s true.”

“So he’s your guy?”

“He’s my guy.”

“Damn.”

I laughed at Stormy.

“You’ll find someone, it’s just not me. It never was.” I touched his arm to comfort him.

“A guy can hope, right? Don’t kick me while I’m down, Faith.”

“Fine you can hope but it’s never going to happen so you should move on.”

“Ouch.”

We joked around and laughed some more before we finished eating and Stormy looked like he had at least a little more energy than before. I said good-bye to him outside of our building before he left to go work some more. I feel bad for the guy and avoiding difficult subjects just doesn’t seem like Veronica to me. I’ll have to figure out what the problem is when I talk to her about him soon.

The Exact Date

Anna, Zoey, and Molly were all crowded around my left hand and staring at the ring on it.

“How did he do it?” Zoey asked looking up at me.

“In our hotel, right when we were leaving for check out.”

“Oh, that’s…romantic.” Molly said.

“Well…I sort of almost found the ring box and kept asking questions about it.” I said. We were seated at a table just then and I continued my story once the waiter left, “He didn’t wanted to do it right then, although he told me he had planned on asking me while we were there. He changed his mind about it though because we were both in a state of shock after watching the earthquake footage. And he probably wouldn’t have asked if I hadn’t seen him drop the ring box by accident. It took me another hour to say yes.”

“What?” Anna asked.

“I was taken aback at his proposal. I didn’t understand why he was asking me NOW of all times. I thought he was just doing it because he was leaving for the tour and thought that if he didn’t make some grand gesture of commitment I’d be mad or something. But that wasn’t the case, he’s had the ring since November.”

“Oh, wow.” Molly said while perusing the menu.

“Didn’t you guys start dating in July?” Anna asked.

“I…not exactly…” I said with confusion and a hint of embarrassment.

“When did you guys start dating, then?” Molly asked.

“Uh…I don’t really know.”

“How can you not know?” Molly asked.

“Because she was with Sean for two months before he convinced her to be his girlfriend.” Zoey said with a smirk.

Molly looked at me.

“Yes, I had a filthy sex-based relationship with my boyfriend for two months before we officially started dating.” I said exasperated.

“Fiancé.” Anna said.

“What?” I said putting my menu down a little annoyed.

“He’s your fiancé now, Faith.” She smiled at me, “Not your boyfriend.”

The four of us smiled at each other before taking some time to look over the menu. After a few moments I said, “May 22^nd.”

“What about it?” Zoey asked, “That’s kind of soon for a wedding isn’t it?”

“No, that’s the day we met. So we’ve been together since May 22^nd.” I said before going back to the menu.

“It’s kind of disgustingly cute how you know the exact date.” Molly said.

“Shut up.” I said hiding my smile

“Have you picked a date yet?” Anna said looking over at me.

“No, we plan to have a really long engagement. I don’t really think I’m going to start planning anything until after we tell my parents.”

“Which will be when?” Anna asked.

“Probably a few months after they first meet him, which could be next Christmas at the latest.”

Just then the waiter came and we ordered brunch. Molly I both got a cheese omelet, Zoey got stuffed French toast, and Anna got a fruit salad and an English muffin.

“How are the twins Anna?” I asked.

“They’re doing really great. It’s already really obvious that they have two different personalities.”

“And how are you?” Zoey asked.

“I’m tired. I’ve never done drugs, but I think I’m so tired I feel like I’m high sometimes. I feel worse for Theo. He’s still a resident and already sleep-deprived from work and then he comes home and can barely sleep there. I told him that if he needs to sleep at the hospital or even go to a hotel for a night, I would be okay with it. With my mom helping out for so long, we’re definitely lucky. Having twins is really stressful. My mother helping out has been a real blessing.”

Anna wooed us all with pictures on her phone of the twins during their first bath until our food came and then the conversation turned to me again.

“So how are you Faith, with Sean being gone, I mean?” Molly asked while she started cutting up her omelet.

“I’m fine, we Skype every other day and he calls and sends me texts. We’re fine. He’s coming back for a few days in two weeks so we have that to look forward to. Meanwhile we just talk as much as possible.”

“Nice.” Zoey said.

“We’re at one of the best places we’ve ever been since we started dating. I just feel comfortable with Sean and it’s hard for me to imagine having a relationship with anyone else right now.”

“So…you really aren’t worried about groupies?” Molly asked.

I laughed.

“I told you, I trust Sean completely. He would never hurt me like that.”

Zoey started talking about Wesley after that and then the four of us went shopping for about an hour after brunch. I miss spending time with my friends and I think with Sean gone, I’ll be able to do it more often since he’s not taking up as much of my time with dates and stuff. I’m really looking forward to him coming home for a bit, though. I do miss him.

Agreements

I stared at Sean kneeling in front of me with complete shock on my face. A few seconds passed and slowly turned into an uncomfortable silence. Sean’s face showed surprise, recognition, and then sadness at my silence and terrified expression.

“Oh,” he said quietly, lowering the ring box, “I see. Uh. Forget I ever asked.”

He stood up and continued packing his suitcase in silence while I just sat there not knowing what to say. After a few more, extremely awkward moments, Sean announced that we needed to go to check-out and pack the car. I quickly zipped up my suitcase and followed him out of the room to the lobby. While he checked us out I loaded the car, got in the passenger seat, and waited for him to get in the car.

“Sean, listen, I-”

“We don’t need to talk about it.”

“You didn’t even let me answer you.”

“Your silence was enough, Faith.”

“I don’t know what to say. You took me off guard, Sean. Like REALLY off guard. Don’t I get some leeway here?”

“Are you really surprised?” He asked while starting the car, “We’ve been together for almost a year.”

“Yeah, and we’ve been going through a lot of rough stuff for months! You never gave any hints; we’ve hardly talked about this subject in detail. Am I supposed to read your mind? Was I supposed to see this coming? Are you doing this because you’re worried about leaving for the tour?”

“What? No!”

“Are you sure? I know that you’re really unsure of how things will go with the distance, Sean, but we will get through this. You don’t need to do something like this just to get a commitment from me. I’ve had loved ones gone for months my whole life.”

“That’s really not what this is about, Faith.”

“How long have you had that ring?”

Sean wearily sighed and pulled the car to the side of the road before he turned to me.

“Since early November. I’ve been waiting for the right time.”

“November?” I asked wide-eyed.

“Yeah, I was planning on asking you around your birthday but then your apartment got broken into and the Kevin thing happened so I decided I would ask you over Christmas with your parents. But then we got into that huge fight and I didn’t end up going so I wanted to do it on Valentine’s Day but I thought that would be too cheesy and you would have hated it.”

“You’re right, I would have hated it.” I said smiling to myself.

After awhile Sean said, “It’ not about the tour, Faith. It’s just…you’re The One. You give me things that I’ve never gotten from anyone else…I’m a better person when I’m with you and I’m ready to make it permanent.”

“Okay. Well…in that case I’m going to have to say yes.”

At first Sean didn’t really comprehend what I said but when he did the smile that broke out on his face made me swell inside. He reached into his coat pocket and whipped out the ring box before sliding the ring on to my finger. It was gorgeous. The diamond was an oval on a simple, silver band. It was very “me”. He certainly did a good job picking out a ring.

“But…we’re going to have to have a really, really long engagement period and my mother will have a conniption fit if she finds out we’re engaged before she’s even met you.”

“Fair enough.”

Sean kissed me over the console between us before getting back on the road. I haven’t told Zoey, Molly, or Anna yet because I’ve been swamped with work and sad because Sean left on Tuesday after we got back. I’ll tell them this weekend.

Popped

Sean and I got back from our trip yesterday and I’m about to leave for work but something interesting happened and I thought I’d tell you all about it. We kept our promise about not watching the news for the rest of our stay and spent the majority of our time bonding, having sex, and playing in the hot spring. Sean still seemed pretty bummed that the weekend he had planned had been marred by the horrible events from the weekend. We were packing before checking out when I realized just how sad he was.

“Sean, it’s okay. It’s not like you knew something like that would happen. We still made the most of this lovely weekend.” I said throwing a pair of jeans in my suitcase.

“I know…I just had really high hopes and big plans for this weekend.”

“Because it’s our first weekend together?

“That and I’m leaving for tour. We’re not going to get to spend as much time together as we have been and I just wanted to spend as much time as I could with you before I only get to see you maybe once a month.”

“Sean we had a blast, were there other plans you had?”

“No, I just didn’t want this trip to be remembered as the one where we watched thousands of people die.”

“Oh. Well…if it makes you feel any better I can remember it as the one where you fainted. Would that help?” I joked meekly.

Sean gave me a half smile and started rearranging his suitcase. Something fell out and I went to bend down to get it for him.

“NO!” Sean practically pushed me out of the way as he dived for it.

“Sean what the hell?” I said when he stood back up and shoved it back into his suitcase.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to lose it…”

“What exactly is it?” I asked a little peeved and turning back to pick up my suitcase which had fallen off the bed in the flurry of movement.

“Uh…” Sean lightly touched my hands to stop me from packing and sat me on the bed before dropping to one knee, popping open a ring case, and saying, “Faith, will you marry me?”

Holy crap I’m late for work, gotta go guys! I’ll update you next time!

Faint

Sean woke me up the next morning from the sound of him showering. We’d had a lovely dinner at the restaurant and then Sean finally got to see the lingerie I bought just for this occasion. We had slept in fairly late but we were up fairly late, too, and travelling sort of took a lot out of us. I got up and started making coffee with the coffee machine in our room. I ran a brush through my hair before slumping on the bed and turning on the television. After channel surfing for about five minutes I stopped at a news channel and froze. Sean came out of the bathroom about a minute later with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Hey, what movie are you watching?” He asked pouring us the fresh brewed coffee and coming over to sit next to me.

“I-it’s not a movie.”

Sean gave me a perplexed look before focusing his attention on the newscaster. We probably sat there for an hour watching burning houses getting swept away in the water, cars running into buildings, and interviews with nuclear experts. Neither of us spoke or drank our coffee. It wasn’t until Sean stood up and tried to take my cup that I realized how hard I was clutching it.

“Come on.” He said puling me up and turning the television off, “We’re going to go help.”

“W-what?” I said snapping back to where we were.

“Get your clothes on, we’re going to go do something to help.”

He already had a pair of jeans on and tossed me a pair from my suitcase. When we were both dressed he grabbed the car keys from the dresser and we were gone.

“Sean where are we going?” I asked.

“On the way here I noticed a sign at some school. They’re having a Red Cross blood drive. We’re going to go donate blood.”

“But that won’t help the people in Japan…”

“It might, the Red Cross is has groups all over the world, they can share their blood from their storage if it gets bad. And even if that is true…people can always use blood Faith. I just need to feel like I did SOMETHING to help, even if it’s indirect.”

I looked at Sean and was suddenly reminded at just how much I loved him.

We got to the school’s gymnasium about 20 minutes after leaving the hotel and were met with a large line. It took about an hour for us to fill out the paperwork, give blood, and finally end up eating cookies and drinking orange juice in the recovery area.

“This was a great idea, Sean.” I said looking over at him while I ate a sugar cookie, “I really do feel like I helped in some way.”

“I’m glad.” He said. He sounded a little out of breath.

“Sean, are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll be fiiiiii-” Before he could finish his sentence Sean had fainted.

I ran to the front desk to get help and they got Sean to wake up with smelling salts. They tested his blood sugar and it was really low so they made him eat two more cookies and almost a gallon of juice. Once it was obvious that Sean would be fine I started giggling.

“It could happen to anyone!” He said.

“Of course it could, honey,” I said patting his knee, “Would you like another cookie?”

“…yes.” He fake-pouted.

Sean wasn’t really supposed to drive so I drove us back to hotel and we ended up taking the scenic route down a forest road. It was relaxing and it helped take our minds off of the horrible events happening across the Pacific Ocean. We talked about it while driving.

“Faith, I’m sorry. This weekend has taken a bad turn. We can leave if you want to. This isn’t exactly what I planned.”

“You mean you didn’t plan on fainting in a gymnasium?” I joked.

“Uh, no. I think it’s safe to say that wasn’t part of my plan at all.”

We laughed but then he turned serious again.

“I’m serious; we can leave if you don’t think it can be salvaged. I don’t want to spend the rest of our time here sitting in our room watching the news.”

I reached for Sean’s hand and smiled.

“I appreciate the offer, but let’s just agree not to turn on the television for the rest of the weekend, okay?”

And so we agreed. We had a picnic when we got back to our hotel. We stopped and got sandwiches from a little shop before getting back and then ate them on our private patio next to the hot spring. We relaxed in the hot spring for the rest of the day before taking a walk in the garden the hotel has surrounding it.

Holy Hot Spring

Sean picked me up when I left for work early. He had rented a car and our bags were in the trunk so we were going to leave the city, stop for lunch on our way to the hotel, and then check-in when we finally got there. I’ve been looking forward to this trip since Sean asked me to go on it so when I saw him leaning against the car door as I left my building I practically jumped into his arms.

“Someone is ready for a vacation.” He said hugging me.

“Oh, you have NO idea.”

We kissed for awhile before finally hopping into the car and heading out of the city. I felt so refreshed being in a car with the windows rolled down and open sky in front of us without the skyscrapers cutting into it or being surrounded by sirens and honking. Feeling the wind against my face and in my hair and smelling how clean the breeze was was a really freeing experience and a great way to start off our weekend trip. I love the city but sometimes I forget how nice it is to leave it. The city can be claustrophobic if you end up staying inside it for too long. After about an hour of driving and listening to an awesome playlist Sean made for the trip (it was full of one-hit wonders from the 80’s and 90’s and was very nostalgic) we stopped at an outdoor burger joint that had some of the best food I’ve ever had in terms of burgers. I got a cheese burger and curly fries while Sean got a bacon cheeseburger and fried pickles (which sounds disgusting but they were DELICIOUS and I would eat them for the rest of my life if it wouldn’t give me a heart attack). We shared a giant cherry limeade and junior ice cream sundae.

After lunch we were sort of giddy so Sean pulled over in a rest stop and we ended up having sex in the back seat of the car which is always a better sounding idea than actually doing it but it was still fun and we were back on the road in no time, giggling about what we just did.

In another hour we were at the hotel and the brochure didn’t do it justice. I was in awe with how beautiful it was. There were flowering vines growing on the side of it and it was at the end of a long, private drive that was surrounded by oak trees and cherry trees to give added privacy. There was a koi pond in front of the entrance with a bridge over it and the doors to the foyer looked like they were inlaid with crystal rather than glass.

Sean checked us in and when we got to our room (more like a private cabana, actually) I had to keep myself from swooning. The biggest feature of having a room in this hotel is that each one has its own private outdoor area where a hot spring is, so each room, essentially, has its own hot spring right next to it. The patio that our hot spring was in was decorated with twinkling lights and was surrounded by hibiscus plants for privacy and “added aromatherapy” according to the brochure. The room itself had bouquets of fresh flowers all over and had a neutral color palette. It was a really relaxing place to be in and when I walked into the bathroom it was huge! There was a glass shower that had the shower head in the center of it rather than on a wall and a giant hot tub-like bathtub (I’m pretty sure a child could have swam in it) with a see-through bottom so you could see decorative seashells underneath it.

“Sean, I’m speechless. It’s gorgeous.”

He gave me a kiss, “I’m glad you like it. What do you want to do first?”

We both sort of stared at each other for a second before ripping our clothes off, forgoing swimsuits, and jumping into the hot spring. I’ve never had sex in a hot spring before but it didn’t disappoint in the slightest. If things keep going in this direction Sean won’t even see the new lingerie I bought just for the trip. We’re going to the hotel restaurant in a few minutes so I thought I’d update all of you on the first day of our trip while Sean is in the shower. Gotta go!

Planning

Things at work have been really hectic for our writing staff, lately. I feel bad for Stormy because he’s basically been working two full-time jobs what with all the news he’s got to write about and then report on at night for the program and Veronica has always been a hard worker but I’m starting to wonder if she ever leaves her office. For the past month she’s been here before everyone else and always seems to stay late.

Stormy walked into my office this morning with dark circles under his eyes and wearing disheveled clothes.

“Long week?” I asked as he plopped down in my office.

“That’s an understatement. I talked to Rose about the Veronica thing.”

“And what did she recommend?” I asked.

“Well, after some awkward exchanges, she basically told me not to do it until things calm down news-wise.”

“Well, that’s not really unexpected advice.”

“Yeah but I can’t keep up with my work, Faith. I don’t know how much longer I can work these hours.”

“What do you need me to do?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I just need to suck it up and talk to Veronica. Do you think you could be involved in that meeting since it sort of involves you?”

“I suppose, but the HR person for the news station would be more appropriate since you’re interested in getting out from under that.”

“You’re so much nicer, though. The people at the station hate me.”

I smirked a little at this. It’s no secret that Stormy had a serious ego before getting it shrunken down when he revisited being a serious journalist. From what I’ve heard, he doesn’t have a lot of fans at the station. He’s dated practically every woman in our office as well as the station and it makes for some very uncomfortable moments between him and his co-host that the crew is pretty fed up with. Stormy brings in a lot of viewers, though, so the behavior is put up with. It was refreshing to know that Stormy at least knew he was not very well-liked. I told him I would sit in as long as the other HR rep did and that he would need to let me know when he planned to do it. He begrudgingly left my office when I had two more visitors.

“Faith? We need to fill out some paperwork with you…” Steve walked into my office with Tom, one of our gossip columnists, ad closed the door behind him.

“Which kind?”

“The kind that shares our relationship status and bars us from filing a sexual harassment suit should things go south.” Steve replied as he sat down across from me. Tom sat in the chair next to him.

“Oh, okay.” I smiled and gave them the forms.

In about two minutes they were all set. Tom got up to leave and Steve closed the door behind him before quickly turning around and looking at me.

“Oh my God, how cute is he, right?” Steve came and sat back down in the chair across from me.

“He is pretty cute, Steve.”

“We’ve been thinking about officially getting together for awhile and it finally happened!”

Steve was beaming. I felt really happy for him (and relieved that he wasn’t breaking the rules he helped create). He gushed for awhile in my office before I got back to work. I’m really excited for this trip Sean and I are going on. My bag has been packed since yesterday and I can’t wait to leave early tomorrow from work to head tot his awesome hotel. Sean showed me the brochure and it is going to be AWESOME.

Hot, Hot, Hot

(Author's Note: Make sure you read the post before this and check back often!)

The sex between Sean and I has been getting better, but it’s still not as good as before the Kevin thing. I thought that if I bought some sexy underwear it might make things a little better for me and it helped a little but I think it’s just one of those things that comes with time and Dr. Sheehan agrees with me. Sean has basically been living in my apartment right now because his apartment is constantly being shown to subletters and when the landlord decided to show it to someone while Sean was in the shower he decided it was time he come and live with me where his naked ass stumbling out of the shower was only visible to me and Murphy. He’ll pretty much be living with me until he leaves for the tour and then he’ll stay with me when he comes back to visit sporadically until the tour ends when he’ll move back into his apartment.

I was making us dinner (pot roast, over white rice, dinner rolls, and green beans) when Sean got home from a tour meeting. He looked exhausted.

“Do you want some sweet tea?” I asked when he came in to kiss me on the cheek as a greeting.

“That would be awesome, Martha Stewart.” I giggled and poured him a glass as he fell on the couch.

“Long day?” I asked sitting on his lap and handing him the tea.

“Yeah. This tour is going to be awesome, but it’s a huge undertaking. We met with a pyrotechnics guy today.”

“Really?”

“Yeah none of us knew they were going to include pyrotechnics in the show, the lighting design alone is more than we had imagined. They’re really shoveling money into it. It’s flattering and terrifying at the same time.”

“They know what they’re doing Sean. I’m sure you guys will do great. Besides, the last tour was pretty successful…I mean you met me while you were touring last time, I’d say that was a pretty awesome tour just from that.” I joked.

“You’re right.”

I got up and set the table and gave Sean a few quiet minutes to himself after a long day. Once Murphy was fed, dinner was served and boy was Sean hungry! There were no leftovers (I don’t blame him though, it really was one of my best dinners). After dinner I went to clean up the dishes but Sean stopped me.

“Oh no you don’t. You made this wonderful dinner so I’m going to clean up. You go relax. After I do the dishes I’m going to take you out for some gelato.

I gave him a kiss, thanked him, and then curled up in a chair with a magazine while he washed all of the dishes (I used A TON). After about an hour the dishes were done and we headed out. I got some strachiatella gelato while Sean settled for a chocolate strawberry flavor. It was so good. We took a walk in a nearby park with our gelato and eventually found a beach to walk near the lake. It was just before sunset and the water was gorgeous. There were some benches shaped like seashells that we sat on and it was such a relaxing evening stroll. I snuggled into Sean’s side while we sat and looked at the water.

“I’m going to miss you.” I said into his neck.

“I want to take you on a trip before a leave. A weekend trip.” He said out of the blue.

“Oh?” I was caught off guard.

“I was thinking we could go to a hot spring hotel place about two hours outside of the city.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?” I asked.

“Awhile. So, do you want to go?”

“Yeah.” I blurted out, “When?”

“I was thinking next weekend. We could leave Friday afternoon and be back by Sunday evening.”

“Are you sure you have time for that, Sean? You’ve been having so many meetings and I’m sure you’ll have a ton of last minute errands before you leave. Don’t you want to rest so you can start the tour off on a good foot?”

“The meetings can happen without me and it’s not like I’m going to be working super hard at a hot springs hotel.”

“I wouldn’t exactly assume that. You haven’t even seen the new underwear I bought today. I’m sure it will be put to good use on a trip like this one.”

Sean raised an eyebrow and smiled at me.

“Can I see it now?”

“Nope. Wait for our trip.”

“Can’t you just buy new ones before the trip?”

“I guess,” I said, “But I wanted the lacy black teddy I bought to be a surprise.”

“Okay, we have to go home.” Sean picked me up fireman style and started running back to the park. He put me down and we were laughing really hard. I grabbed his hand as we walked back to my place.

“I love you, Faith.”

“I love you, too, Sean. We’ll get through this.”

Sean nodded, “I just wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

“It’s for your career Sean.”

He nodded again.

“You’re right.”