The Other Shoe

I walked out of the booth after the night’s performance and smiled.

“Hey, I didn’t expect you to be here.” I said.

But the smile faded away when I saw Adam’s face.

“We, uh, need to talk.” He rubbed the back of his head and looked really upset.

Penny For Your Thoughts

Adam’s interview was today and since I didn’t have to work, I stayed over last night and sent him off this morning with lots of luck. I hung out at his place until he got back because I wanted to hear about how it went. I didn’t realize it was going to be such a long day for him. He didn’t get home until well in the afternoon.

On The Hunt

I stood outside Adam’s door knocking for at least five minutes and decided to just let myself in. There was loud music playing and I followed it to his office. He was sitting in his desk chair with his pajama pants on, an old college t-shirt, and a baseball hat turned backwards playing the air drums and singing very badly to One Republic’s Love Runs Out.

“I thought you were going to work on your interview prep for that job.” I yelled over the music and leaned against the door jamb with a smirk on my face.

Adam jumped at the sound of my voice and turned around.

The Last Dance

I turned my head to look where Adam had been looking behind me and saw four people, two men and two women. The younger woman had brown hair pulled into a very Barbie-esque pony tail and was wearing a light blue cocktail dress with jewelry that looked incredibly expensive; she was young, early twenties at the most. The older woman had red hair that was pulled into a severe French twist. She was wearing a paisley wrap dress with long sleeves and a look on her face as if she smelled something sour. The younger man looked like an All-American kind of guy and was wearing a tux. The older man was also wearing a tux and seemed to be in his mid-thirties but his very neatly trimmed brown beard made it hard for me to really place his age. When I turned back around I gave Adam a questioning look and it was like he was a different person. He was wearing a fake smile and had stood up and buttoned his jacket stiffly.

“It’s SO good to see you! I can’t believe you’re here.” I heard the younger of the two women say.

“Let’s get some tables together. You won’t mind, of course.” The older woman said.

“Actually, we were-” Adam said.

“Don’t be absurd, it’s not a problem. Where’s the help?” The younger woman waved Adam off.

While a team of wait staff moved two tables on either side of ours, Adam shook the mens’ hands and then gave the two women hugs while everyone seemed to talk at once which made it hard for me to hear what was going on. It was like I wasn’t even there.

“Oh, that’s a nice shade.” The younger woman said wiping my lip stain off of Adam’s lower lip that I hadn’t noticed was there, “Surely that was given to you from this woman you’re with. It’s a classy shade.”

Her judgmental tone hung in the air. I gave Adam a wry look and thought to myself: Maybe it would have been better if I’d been ignored…

Adam scrambled to introduce me to everyone.

The First Dance

Adam and I arrived at the restaurant about 30 minutes before our reservation so we could have a drink at the bar. I had worn the dress Adam had given me and swept my hair back with a silver and crystal (totally fake ones) barette. I wore the necklace Anna had given me and a pair of silver pumps, too.

“This place is the nicest restaurant I have ever been in. I feel like I should take my shoes off so I don’t get the floor dirty.” I said.

Adam laughed and handed me a crystal flute of champagne and then clinked his to mine.

“Congratulations on closing your first show for the Glass Penny, Faith.”

He leaned forward and gave me a sweet kiss but we were interrupted in the middle of it by a woman in an elegant black dress.

“Adam?”

We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve

So much has happened since I last posted. I’ll start with therapy…

Relapse

On a spur of the moment, Zoey, Molly, and I decided to do a book club sort of thing together. We’ve all been meaning to read the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin but none of us have gotten around to it yet so we thought we could all read it together. Adam pointed out to me that the series hasn’t actually been finished yet, that there are still two books to be written, but these books are huge and will take me forever to get through so I think the next one will at least be published by the time I’m ready to start reading it.

Molly and I headed over to Zoey’s place early on Sunday morning to talk about the first half of the book together and have brunch.

“I think Joffrey is such a brat.” Molly said.

“Me, too. I think Tyrion is my favorite character so far.” I said knocking on Zoey’s door.

When the door opened, Zoey was not the one standing there.

“Hello ladies.”

Shadows

Molly and I met Zoey for lunch yesterday and it felt so weird to not have Anna there. I tried not to notice it and updated Zoey on the situation with Tucker and work.

Switcheroo

You guys, I am so livid. Things at work have gone totally downhill. The director we were going to have for our next show had to suddenly drop out. His mother had a stroke and he needed to go back home and deal with family stuff, which I completely understand. It’s WHO they replaced him with that I am mad about…

Good Morning Indeed

“Good morning.” I said.

Adam woke me up by kissing my forehead.

Rocks

I’ve been back to work for almost a week and it all seems so…weird. Being back has been helping keep me distracted and things are going to get pretty busy next week as we’re going to start rehearsals for the next show (we just finished auditions for it and they went okay) while simultaneously having performances in the evening. The overlap will last a few weeks until the new show is ready to go into tech; we’ll have to strike our current show the week before while simultaneously loading in the new set. It’ll be pretty hectic but I think the distraction is the best thing for me.

The Final Gift

Slowly, painfully, things are going back to normal. Well, my new normal…without Anna. Occasionally I will see or do or smell something that will remind me of her and it will feel like a bucket of ice water is poured over me as someone punches me in the gut. I can’t breathe and it all comes rushing back. Like what happened yesterday.

Granted

At our last session, Dr. Sheehan said that my grief for Anna would ease with time and that getting back to my old routine would help me move on. The problem was…I didn’t want to move on.

Silence, My Old Friend

We buried Anna today.

This is the End

And on that cheery last post, Modern Day Faith is officially over forever.
Thanks for reading!
-del