Off Guard

Sean finally called me a few days ago and not only are we back together but I think we’re in a really good place.

“Hi.” He said nervously.

“Hey.” I said back.

“I got your e-mail and I’m a giant ass. You deserve so much better from me and I have been acting like an entirely different person since I’ve been on tour. I’m really sorry, Faith. I’ve been taking out my anger and insecurities on you and I really have no excuses for my behavior. I’m sorry I ruined our anniversary but I’m more sorry that I haven’t been giving you the trust that I should be.”

I was floored. I don’t know what I expected him to say but it certainly wasn’t that. I blinked in shock and confusion for a few seconds.

“Th-thank you for your apology, Sean, I accept it. I know this tour has been hard for you but I’m glad you’re realizing that you took your frustrations about it out on me and aren’t going to do that anymore.”

“I’ve been thinking about asking Dr. Deerhorn if we could have sessions over the phone. I think they would help me adjust to touring better than I have been on my own.”

“I think that’s a great idea.” I said gently.

After that I changed the subject to Sean’s new computer and my newly sized and cleaned ring and he told me about the show they did that night. Things were oddly easy for us to get back to normal. I’m bewildered with how little tension we had and since we reconciled he hasn’t taken any of his anger out on me, he hasn’t accused me of having anymore affairs, and he’s been a much more supportive fiancé. I’m really glad things have worked out for us.

As for work, that’s another story. I have a meeting with Veronica next week and I am NOT looking forward to it.

Guilt and Loneliness

I got a phone call this morning and I thought it was Sean so I answered it without looking at the ID. It was Anna. We haven’t talked for awhile so she’d thought she’d call me. She told me about her first Mother’s day and how the twins were doing but eventually sensed something was wrong. I haven’t told the girls about what happened yet. I think because if I do it’ll make our break up real and I don’t want to deal with that yet.

“Faith? Are you okay? You seem really quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, work has just been really stressful lately.”

“Okay,” her voice told me she wasn’t convinced, “I’ll let you go, then, unless you want to talk about anything else?”

“No, I should probably go, too, Gotta catch up on some work.”

We said our good-byes and I checked to see if Sean had called me while I was on the phone. Nothing. He hasn’t returned my phone calls since he left and his phone seems to be off since it keeps going to voicemail. I sent him an e-mail fully explaining that Stormy and I have nothing going on, that Stormy is dating someone else, that we had just gotten out of the meeting I’d told him about, and that Stormy was just really happy about the outcome. I also begged him to call me just so I could know he was okay and not laying in a ditch somewhere but I’ve gotten no response. Honestly, I don’t really blame Sean. I think if I were in his shoes I probably would have been upset, too, but I think I would have at least let him explain to me. And even if I had stormed away like Sean did I think I would have called him by now. Surely he’s calmed down enough to let me explain, or at the very least, end our relationship with some closure.

I feel really alone right now and it’s my own fault for not wanting to tell any of my friends but I think part of me just feels too guilty to tell them. I shouldn’t have let what happened happen. I don’t think Stormy did it on purpose or anything but I’ve known about his feelings for me for awhile and I could have and should have kept our relationship more professional but this is my fault and I feel awful for hurting Sean this way even though I don’t believe I really did anything wrong. I certainly haven’t cheated on him like he’s convinced I have, I just wish I could make him understand how committed I am to our relationship. I haven’t e-mailed Karen yet to tell her I’m not coming in June. Part of me feels so stupid for hoping Sean will come around.

A Whole Lot of Unexpected

I woke up to a happy anniversary text from Sean and smiled. He told me he was sorry that we couldn’t be together and we sent some flirty texts back and forth until I eventually had to go to work. I had my big meeting today and I felt prepared and determined to get through it as professionally as possible as I walked into my office. Honestly, I didn’t get much work done before lunch because I was so focused on the time. I was meeting Veronica at the restaurant in our building’s lobby (the one she took me to when we first met) and exactly 10 minutes later, the HR station rep and Stormy were supposed to join us.

I think I was sort of nervous about this meeting, to be honest. I kept tapping my foot on the side of my desk and I was restless waiting for the time to pass. The only thing I managed to get done was to go over Stormy’s contract and the conditions he was hired under for the paper. When the clock hands finally got close to the meeting time, I got up and left my office. Steve waved at me as I left and whispered a “good luck!” when I waved back.

The ride down to the lobby on the elevator was the longest experience of my life and I could feel my accelerated heartbeat. I kept thinking about how ridiculous it was that I was so nervous until I realized just what I was risking by planning this sneak attack on Veronica. I could get in serious trouble but when I thought about Stormy and how ragged he’d been; how severely his health was being affected by being overtaxed with work, I knew it was worth the risk. I am responsible for the morale of our employees and it would have been irresponsible for me to ignore this issue.

Veronica was waiting for me and smiled at my arrival. We made small talk until we were sat by the hostess and then chatted over the menus.

“So, Faith, I imagine you want to talk about the summer interns and what they’ll need to do?”

“Actually, no,” I said seeing Stormy and the HR station rep walking toward our table, “We need to talk about Stormy and I’ve invited him and the station HR rep to join us in this meeting today.”

“I see.” Veronica said. Her voice was constricted.

Veronica’s mouth grew very taut but she greeted Stormy and Patricia (the HR station rep) as they sat at the table.

A waiter came by and we all ordered our meals, Veronica also ordered a double gin and tonic. None of us wanted to bring it up but Patricia, Stormy, and I all shared a look that collectively said, “This is not a good sign.” We all made small talk for a bit until the food came, which in hindsight was probably stupid because it allowed Veronica to get pretty buzzed before we even started talking about business.

“So, I’ve looked over Stormy’s requests for less time with the station and I think it’s doable.” Patricia said pulling out a contract with clear edit marks on it, “We can’t give him everything he wants and he’s been very willing to compromise, but we should discuss if there are any things the paper is willing to concede to making things easier for him to work with the station.”

“Sure, such as?” I asked while Veronica looked into her almost empty second gin and tonic glass.

“Well we think it might be easier for Stormy if he covered stories for the station that he would also cover for the paper. It would cut down on his workload quite a bit because he wouldn’t have to prepare for the extra stories the paper and the station have him work for.”

“That sounds like an efficient plan. Stormy how do you feel about this?”

“I would be okay with that, but it might pose a problem since I only cover the crime section for the paper. Is it possible to make it so I cover the wider variety of stories for the paper like I normally do for the station? I know that might mean I write in other people’s categories and leave extra work for Becky (the other crime desk reporter). I don’t know if the other writers will appreciate it if I’m getting stories they expected to write.”

“That’s a good point.” I said, “But I think we’ll be able to work around it and you could co-author some of the bigger stories with the other writers if it starts to cause an issue. Veronica, do you have an opinion about this? Would it be okay with you if Stormy floated around the writer’s floor and didn’t just focus on crime?”

“Whatever.” She said tipping her newly refreshed gin and tonic back. Patricia gave me an “I can’t believe this is actually happening” look.

“Okay,” I said looking over Stormy’s contract, “Patricia would it be possible to also try and limit which stories Stormy is expected to cover. For example, try to keep as many as we can in the crime area so we don’t have him writing too many outside stories?”

“I can look into it. It’ll be a little difficult to try and manage that but I think the producers will be able to do that and with Stormy no longer charging us over time we could probably bring our part-time anchor on more often to cover the stories Stormy won’t be covering. I’ll need to check, but I think it’s doable.”

“Alright!” I said looking over the final edits to Stormy’s contract, “Stormy are you satisfied with these changes? Do you want to discuss anything else?”

“Would it be possible to get more vacation time, either from the studio or the paper?” He asked.

“I think we could probably provide a bit more, at least for the past few weeks where you’ve been working such long hours. I would be prepared to tack on a week of vacation time right now and we could discuss adjusting your vacation time and how it is credited at a later time. Veronica, do you agree?” I asked.

“Whatever.” She said. She was signaling to the waiter to bring her another drink and was quite tipsy at this point. When Veronica looked away, Patricia signaled to the waiter to cut Veronica off.

“Okay, well, I think we’re all on the same page, unless you’d like to add something, Veronica?” Patricia said.

“Nope.” Veronica said.

Stormy shook Patricia’s hand and then mine but when he went to shake Veronica’s she gave him a very limp one that made it really awkward.

“Okay, well, I need to take Stormy to legal so we can get a new contract written up. Thanks for such a…productive lunch.” Patricia said eyeing Veronica. The two of them got up to leave and left me alone with Veronica. Her demeanor changed at once.

“I’m going to have Rose schedule a meeting with you soon about this.” Veronica said angrily, “I’m leaving for the rest of the day, too.”

She grabbed her purse and left through the lobby’s front doors with a bit of difficulty. I sighed with relief and waited for the waiter to come and take the paper’s expense credit card so I could pay and go back upstairs. I have to say I’m kind of surprised just how simple this was to accomplish, although I’m sure Veronica will have much more to say to me later.

As I walked out of the elevator and to my office, Steve bombarded me with questions which I waved off until I got to the hallway leading to my office.

“How’d it go!?” He asked.

“It went really well actually. I think all of us are very happy.” I said.

Steve went to sit at his desk in the alcove next to my office and I went to go relax in my chair for a bit. About 20 minutes later there was a knock on my door. I got up to open it and it was Stormy. He was absolutely beaming.

“I can’t believe you were able to get this all worked out for me. I don’t know how to thank you!” He said pulling me into a hug that was so excited and happy he spun me in a circle that ended with him putting me down and giving me a kiss on the cheek. I started laughing.

“It was-” I stopped and look down the hallway in surprise. Stormy let go of me and followed my eyes.

Sean was standing at the end of the hallway holding a bouquet of flowers. He looked extremely angry.

“Sean!?” I began walking quickly over to him. He didn’t say anything but started walking away from me.

“Sean!” I called again but he was on the elevator and the doors closed before I could get on it. I ran down the stairs to the lobby where Sean was walking out the front doors. I was starting to panic and a sense of dread was coming over me.

“Sean! Wait!” I was practically running to keep up with him. I was finally able to reach his arm and stop him once we were outside.

“Sean? Why are you here?” I asked, “You said you weren’t going to be able to make it.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d surprise you because I had a few hours. Where’s your ring, Faith?” He said hailing a cab and not looking at me.

“What? It’s being sized and cleaned, like you suggested. Why are you leaving already?” I asked trying to get him to look at me. A cab pulled over and he opened the back door but stopped just before getting in and looked at me with a very dark expression.

“I come to surprise you at work and instead I find you and some guy wrapped in a hug with him kissing you and you’re actually asking me why I’m leaving? Let me spell it out for you, Faith: I’m not just leaving; we’re done.” He threw the bouquet of flowers at my feet; it burst apart and was picked up in the wind, “I’d ask for my ring back, but you aren’t wearing it. Some commitment!”

He didn’t wait for me to respond; instead he got in the cab, slammed the door closed, and sped off down the street.

I stood on the sidewalk in shock for awhile. I remember thinking how pretty the flowers were while they blew away. Then I got my phone out and called him. He didn’t answer his phone so I left a message asking him to call me when he’s ready to talk about this and that I loved him and that what he saw was completely innocent. I went back to work and it wasn’t until Steve asked me if I was okay that I realized I was crying. I cleaned myself up in the bathroom and tried calling Sean so many times, each time they were unanswered and eventually it just went straight to voicemail. I left work about an hour early and I’ve felt totally numb ever since.

I’ve been sitting in my apartment hoping my phone will ring and I don’t know what to do. I’ve left Sean so many messages and texts but he won’t listen to me. I’ll try an e-mail next but I think…I think he really meant what he said. I think we really might be over.

Deja Vu

When I got into work this morning I had an e-mail from Karen with prospective dates for a visit and an offer to have someone pick me up at the airport. I immediately booked a hotel in the area Sean’s band would be playing in for mid-to-late June and sent her back a thank you message with the details of my itinerary. Sean called me right when I hit send.

“Hey.” I said.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Eh, nothing, it’s kind of been a slow day at work. I’ve been planning for that really important meeting I told you about. It’s coming up pretty soon.”

“Oh yeah? What-”

Just then Steve came in.

“You wanted these.” He said while handing me some files I’d requested on possible summer intern candidates.

“I did, thank you very much. Could you also pull another copy of Stormy’s contract for me? I want o familiarize myself with the terms.” I said covering my cell phone’s mouthpiece.

“Sure thing.” He said as he closed my door.

“Who was that?” Sean asked angrily.

“Uh. Steve.”

“You’re not at work, are you?”

“What? Yes I am. Where else would I be right now? Are you…are you seriously accusing me of being out with another guy, AGAIN!?” I asked exasperated.

“Who is Steve, Faith?” Sean asked coldly.

“He is my very gay assistant, who is in a committed relationship with a man named Tom. Would you like me to have them both come in here and tell you themselves or can you trust me enough to take my word for it?” I said acidly.

Sean sighed.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said.

“I don’t deserve this, Sean. I’m your fiancée and these kinds of interrogations aren’t warranted at all. If you accuse me of this one more time without any foundation I will end our engagement without hesitation. How can you expect me to marry you when you don’t even trust me to be around my gay assistant while you aren’t around?”

“You’re right. I’m being so, so stupid. I don’t know what my problem is. I know this sounds really dumb but when you freaked out over the Guy situation I think it made me wonder if you were cheating on me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because you were so upset by it! I didn’t know how to interpret it and then you just dropped it and I panicked.”

“I was upset because I’ve been in Guy’s girlfriend’s position before, Sean! I know how it feels! I told you all of this.”

“I know…look I was stupid. Can we just forget about it?”

I sighed.

“Fine. I guess.” I said trying to move on.

Sean told me about the last few shows the band played and about the new computer he bought (I’m picking it up next week and I’ll bring it with me when I visit him in June) before we said good bye. I really hope going to visit him makes him relax for a little bit because this whole insecurity/anger thing is really getting on my nerves and I think I've been very understanding considering what I've been accused of lately.

E-Mails and Paperwork and Contracts, Oh My!

I’ve been thinking about this whole Sean situation and what would be best for him and decided that going to visit him would be a big step in the right direction to make him feel a little more comfortable so I e-mailed Karen:

Karen,

I was wondering if it would be possible to come see Sean on the road. Since you have access to his schedule, do you think you could help me figure out when the best time would be to come visit him? I’d like to make a hotel reservation in the area whenever you decide would be a good time. Also, I think I want this to be a surprise, so don’t tell Sean about it.

-Faith

Right after I hit send Stormy and Rose walked into my office.

“We need to sign some forms disclosing our relationship…again.” Rose said as they sat down in the chairs across from my desk.

“Oh. Okay.” I said walking over to my file cabinet.

Once I got all the forms filled out Rose and Stormy got up to leave but I asked Stormy to say so we could discuss something. Once the door was closed and we were alone I started in.

“You cannot tell Rose about the meeting with Veronica.”

“What? Why?” Stormy asked.

“Because Veronica thinks I’m the only one who is going to be there and if Rose mentions that you’ll be there, too, all of the time and energy we put into tracking Veronica down could go out the window. I don’t want that to happen, do you?”

“Well, no-”

“Good. Are you ready for this meeting? It’s coming up. Have you thought about what you’d like to negotiate your contract for with the station? I’s doubtful they’ll let you out entirely.”

“Honestly, not really. I’ve been so excited that I’m going to have my life back that I’ve been doing other things…”

“Like getting back together with all the women in the office again?” I asked with a smirk.

“No, just Rose. This whole experience has really opened my eyes and made me grow up quite a bit. I’m tired of working nearly 100 hour work weeks, but this experience has at least helped me realize what I really want to do with my career and made me realize how awful I was before. Rose put up with more than she deserved and I realized, later than I should have, how special she is. So, for now, it’s just her.”

“Okay, good, the last thing we need is you pissing her off and then having her spoil all the plans I made with Veronica out of spite.”

“Fair enough.”

“So the only thing I need you to do before the meeting is to think about how you’d like to renegotiate your contract. I made a copy for you so you can bring it to a lawyer or an agent have it looked over if you want to.” I said as I handed it to him, “But please make sure that you have a clear cut list of what you want and what you’re willing to compromise on. You should probably make a list of things you are willing to compromise on for your writing job, as well. I’m sure there will need to be a lot of compromises on both sides.”

“Okay, I will.” He said as he left.

I leaned back in my chair and looked out of the window when he closed the door. I’m going to have a weight lifted off of me once this is debacle is over. The only problem now is to figure out a strategy for this meeting and preparing for the inevitable backlash that I’m going to get from Veronica for doing such a shady thing. I am prepared to defend myself in that regard but I have no plan whatsoever for handling the actual meeting. I need to get on that.

Bad Thoughts

Molly and I met up after work to discuss how her date went over dinner and book store browsing.

“I just hope he doesn’t think less of me because of the first date sex.” She said picking over her mushroom risotto.

“I don’t think he does, I mean he asked if you’d be interested in going out again before you left, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like he’s still interested. Plus that is such a double standard and you shouldn’t worry about it. Men who judge women for being sexual beings don’t deserve to have sex with women.” I said sipping my French onion soup.

“You’re right. I don’t want to be with someone who is going to judge me for that. Calvin doesn’t seem like that kind of dude, I mean he’s works in theatre, he’s gotta be pretty non-judgmental.”

“More importantly: how was the sex?” I asked wiggling my eyebrows jokingly.

“It was pretty awesome. He certainly knows what he’s doing. Speaking of great sex…Sean was home recently so I know you had some.”

“I did.” I said trying to avoid thinking about Sean and all the stuff going on with him, lately.

“Oh…that’s not a happy face. Was it that bad?” Molly said lowering her voice.

“No. Sean and I have a great sex life…it’s just that he’s been really upset, lately and there’s nothing I can do to help him.”

“Oh. Like what?”

“Well, I just don’t think the tour is really what he expected it would be or the glamour of it all has worn off. He just seems so angry all the time.”

“What do you mean?” Molly asked taking a sip of her wine.

“Well, the other night he called me and accused me of being on a date with another guy-”

“What!?”

“I went to the movies with Zoey and Wesley and Sean called me. He heard Wesley’s voice over the phone and thought I was on a date with someone else. I told him he was being ridiculous, of course, but that’s so out of character for Sean.”

“You know I kind of understand what he’s going through…” Molly looked thoughtful.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve worked on a few touring shows and it really does suck to be on the road that much. Usually, in theatre, though, you get to stay in each location for more than a day because theatres want to book the touring show for a few weeks or months if it’s in a big city. It’s a bit easier, though, with theatre because you usually sleep in a hotel and not on a bus. I’m sure Sean will adjust. He just needs time.”

“But they’ve been on tour since March and he just seems to get more and more depressed as things progress.”

“That’s pretty normal, I think. Eventually you just learn to live with the people around you. You learn to pick and choose your battles and just stop caring after a certain point. I remember one tour I did where the lead actress would constantly smack her gum and it would drive me NUTS but eventually I just had to get used to it because I accepted that we were going to have to work together and live fairly closely with each other and I was making myself miserable by focusing on it. So eventually it just became background noise to me.”

“Well, maybe Sean does just need more time to adjust. Part of me wonders if it would be easier for him if he and I weren’t together anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because I know that the long distance thing is causing him a lot of anxiety. I mean it obviously is when he’s accusing me of being on a date with someone else and answering my phone while on said date.”

“Fair enough.”

“And I just know that if I wasn’t in the picture, it would be one less thing Sean would have to worry about, you know?”

“Yeah. I get where you’re coming from.”

“I’ve been having creeping thoughts in my head that Sean and I should go on a break but that’s just ridiculous. That wouldn’t make anything easier for Sean.”

“Maybe those thoughts aren’t coming up because they have Sean in mind.” Just then the check came and we headed out to the bookstore across the street.

“What did you mean by that?” I asked as I opened the bookstore’s door.

“Just that sometimes we have thoughts pop into our head and misinterpret them. Maybe you’re having those thoughts because taking a break from Sean would be easier for you.”

“What? But that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Really?” Molly stopped and looked me dead in the eye.

“Uh, YEAH.” I said trying to not get defensive.

“Faith, Sean has been taking his anger out on you, he’s been accusing you of being unfaithful, and dealing with the constant feelings of missing him has to be exhausting. I was merely suggesting that dealing with all of that is probably difficult for you, so it makes sense that you would have fleeting thoughts about breaking things off. I wasn’t suggesting you actually do it. I was just saying that I’m sure a break would probably be more beneficial for you than it would for Sean.”

I went to say something but realized Molly had a point and closed my mouth.

“I know, I’m a genius.” She said as she wandered over to a bookshelf and left me standing next to the biographies.

I’ve been thinking about what Molly said for hours and I can’t help but feel like a horrible fiancée for wanting a break because Sean’s recent attitude is getting to be almost too much. If we’re going to get married, it’s going to be for forever and I just need to give Sean more time to adjust to the touring lifestyle. This will all pass eventually, right?

Out of the Blue

Sean has been gone for the past few days and we haven’t really had time to talk since he left. Usually we try to Skype every other day but he’s only been able to talk to me for about 20 minutes at a time and Skyping is completely out because Sean’s computer was sat on by a crew member. They’ve had a show every night, including the day they left, and it’s taking a lot out of him. He fell asleep while we were talking on the phone last night. I can’t help but feel bad for him. I don’t think this tour is cracking up to be what he expected, to be honest.

I wanted to distract myself from Sean’s absence so I invited Zoey and Wesley over for dinner. We decided we’d go see a movie afterward. The three of us had fun making food in the kitchen; the theme was taco fixings! Wesley makes THE BEST taco meat I’ve ever had. I don’t know what kind of spice magic he did but it was phenomenal and I demanded that Zoey get me the recipe. While Wesley was busy making the meat, Zoey and I made a salsa from a recipe I found online and grated some cheese. I told Zoey all about my worries about Sean’s morale.

“He sounds kind of depressed. Has he been seeing his therapist?” Zoey asked.

“He goes to see Dr. Deerhorn when he’s in town but I don’t think that’s enough for Sean, to be honest. But I don’t really know how to fix that aside from suggesting conference calling Dr. Deerhorn while he’s not here or just telling Karen that he needs to be able to come back to see his therapist regularly.”

“I have a feeling neither of those options would go over well.”

“I agree.” I said with a sigh.

“How much longer will he be on tour for?” Zoey asked.

“It’s supposed to finish up in December.”

“Ouch.”

“Tell me about it.”

We sat down for dinner and I got to know Wesley better. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this, but listening to Wesley talk is something I could do for hours. Not only does he talk about things with an endearing passion, but his Australian accent is quite possibly the sexiest thing to ever grace me with its presence. He’s recently been trying to teach Zoey how to surf, which is admittedly not going well since we don’t live anywhere near an ocean but they’ve been thinking about taking a trip to Hawaii. He’s been getting more photography work which is good because Zoey has showed me some of his pictures in the past and it would be a shame if he got stuck only being a photographer’s lighting assistant. After we ate and cleaned everything up/put away the leftovers we headed out to the movies.

The movie we wanted to see was sold out so we stood and looked at the board with all the movie options on it to decide when I got a phone call from Sean.

“Hey, you,” I said while slipping away from Zoey and Wesley as they discussed which movie they wanted to see, “How’s everything going?”

“It could be going better, honestly.”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound good.”

“Yeah, well”- Just then Sean yelled at some people making noise in the background and he sounded so angry. I actually jumped from fear when I heard him; he’s never sounded like that before.

“Sean what is going on?”

“I have no privacy Faith! I just want to be able to call you and actually hear what you’re saying but I can’t because after the show everyone gets so rowdy and loud.”

Just then Wesley came over.

“Hey Faith, are you okay with seeing Thor?”

“Who is that!?” Sean asked.

“Um, yeah,” I said to Wesley before focusing my attention back to Sean.

“Are you on a date with someone?”

“What!? No! Sean, you’re being ridiculous. I’m here with Zoey and Wesley. We’re seeing a movie.”

“Oh.”

“What has come over you?” I asked while Zoey slipped me a ticket and then motioned that she and Wesley were going to the snack counter.

“I’m sorry. I’m just stressed. I’ve been snapping at everyone lately. You enjoy your movie. I’m going to see if Jake will let me use his computer to watch something on Netflix.”

“Okay. You know you could also use his computer to shop for a new one. That might cheer you up a bit.” I said trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, you’re right. That will make me happy. It’s actually kind of a good thing that Roy sat on my laptop, I’ve been meaning to get a new one anyway.”

“Okay, well send me an e-mail if you find one you like. You can have it mailed to my apartment or I can go pick it up at wherever you order it from and it’ll be here when you come home next.”

“Okay. I love you! Bye!”

I wandered over to the snack counter line to stand with Zoey.

“Wesley went to go save our seats. What’s up?” She asked.

“Sean’s acting really weird. He accused me of being on a date with someone when he heard Wesley ask me about the movie.”

“What?” Zoey gave me the most confused look I’ve ever seen.

“I know! He apologized once I told him that it was Wesley but it was weird. He’s been under a lot of stress, though, so I don’t really know what to make of it. He seemed like he was already in a bad mood when he called me so I think that might have been part of it.”

“He shouldn’t be taking it out on you, though.”

“It sounds like he’s taking it out on everybody,” I said, “He yelled at some crew members while we were on the phone and he sounded irate. He’s never been that angry in front of me before. I suggested he shop online for a new computer to get him in a good mood and he seemed a little picked up by that, so I’m sure he was just having a hard time.”

“Okay,” Zoey said hesitantly, “Do you want popcorn?”

“Like you even needed to ask that question.”

All Aboard!

Sean’s mini-vacation from the tour was uneventful and he really enjoyed being able to just relax and not have to worry about playing a show or rehearsing or being walked in on while trying to have some intimate time with his girlfriend (except by his girlfriend’s cat, who recently learned how to open doors). He left this morning and it was really hard for both of us. He was home almost too long because it felt like he’d never left and we got back into our old routine. Before he left though, we had a small fight. I went to drop Sean off at where the tour bus would be picking everyone up so I could say good bye. I said hello to everyone while we waited.

“Faith, the girls are looking good today.” Jake said as a greeting. I giggled and gave him a hug. We made small talk until the buses (yes plural!) pulled up.

“Oh, cool! They got us another bus!” Sean said. He and the guys high-fived (and I’m pretty sure Karen looked up to the sky and mouthed the words “Thank you”).

“Looks like everything but that last issue you were having has been fixed.” I said smiling at Sean.

There are actually four buses. Two for the band and a few crew members and two for the rest of the crew (plus the bus drivers that drive them). There’s also three giant equipment trucks and a smaller one just for the instruments. I guess I never realized just how big of a deal the tour was until I saw everything. Sean took me into the old bus and it was huge. I’ve never been inside a tour bus before. He showed me where he sleeps. It’s literally like a cubby hole with a mattress in it and there are three stacked on top of each other like bunk beds. You can close a thing of curtains for privacy and there’s a personal light in each one. The back has a television in it and a bunch of couches and there’s a small kitchen and a bathroom. We got out of the old bus and Sean and Lou ran to check out the new bus. I started laughing because they both looked like little kids who just got an awesome new toy. Meanwhile, Karen was giving orders to the crew so they could leave. I looked over and saw Guy a few yards away hugging and flirting with a pretty blonde girl. Sean came out to try and coax me into the new bus until he saw what I was looking at. He came and stood next to me.

“Is that her?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He put his hands in his pockets and looked at his shoes.

“Did he ever tell her?”

“No.”

“She’s really pretty.” I said turning away.

“Let’s go everyone! Yes the buses are nice, let’s get ON them, we’re behind schedule already and traffic is only going to get worse!” Karen shouted in the background.

“That means you.” I said putting my hand on Sean’s chest. He pulled me into a hug.

“I don’t want you to go.” I whispered.

“I don’t want to go, either.” He sighed.

“You’ll be able to come home for our anniversary, though, right?”

Sean was quiet.

“Right!?” I said pulling out of the hug and looking at him with concern.

“Faith, listen, I-”

“LET’S GO! Guy! If you’re not on the bus in 30 seconds I will physically put you on it. Let’s go Sean.” Karen walked by us and started yelling at some crew members who were doing something with one of the trucks. Sean started again.

“I tried to get Karen to make it happen but she couldn’t do it. The emergency schedule change she made so she could deal with her break-up threw a bigger wrench into our schedule than expected. I’m not going to be able to get back for it.”

“WHAT!?” I yelled and then immediately lowered my voice when I noticed we were getting looks from some crew members. Sean pulled me aside between two of the trucks so we could have some privacy.

“I tried, Faith. According to our current schedule, I’d only be able to come back for like four hours. It’s just not manageable. I’m really sorry.”

“So, let me get this straight: Karen has a relationship crisis and because she’s the tour manager she gets to change the schedule for HER relationship but when it’s anyone else’s it’s a big fat NO? You asked for our anniversary off before you even left for the tour Sean!”

“I know but-”

“But what!?” I was getting upset and the bus was ready to leave. I didn’t want to say good bye like that so I took a deep breath and just chose to accept what Sean was telling me without anymore resistance, “You know, what? Just forget it, Sean. We’ll celebrate when you’re in town again. Just forget it. When is your next break?”

“Not until July.” Sean sounded defeated and we walked to the bus so he could get on it.

“Oh.” I said. I hadn’t realized we’d be apart for two months after he left and I felt even more upset and sad than before.

“SEAN, we have GOT to go. I swear to God GUY!” Karen stomped by us and over to Guy, “This bus is going to leave without you if you’re not on it in the next 15 seconds!” She got on the bus and he followed.

“Maybe I can fly home for a day in June or something.”

“Okay.” I said pulling my light sweater closer around me, “You should go. They’re waiting.” I nodded towards the bus.

“Faith-”

“It’s fine, Sean, we’ll get through it. Anniversaries are overrated anyway.” I said forcing a smile.

“Okay. Give Murphy a hug for me. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I said. He squeezed my hand before getting on the bus.

I waved and then turned to start my way back home. I started crying a little, too when I heard the bus start up.

“You didn’t think I was going to leave without giving you a kiss, did you?” Sean asked from the doorway.

I turned around and smiled at him leaning against the door.

“I guess not.” I said trying to wipe my tears surreptitiously.

He came down from the bus and enveloped me in a big hug. It was warm and comforting. I tipped my face up to his and we kissed, gently, at first, and then there were fireworks.

“SEAN! Karen says we need to g-….Nevermind we’ll wait.” Jake stuck his head out of the bus and then promptly back inside of it.

Sean and I broke apart and laughed. It makes me happy that he’ll have his friends with him, even if I can’t be there and even if I think some of them are slimy jerks (ie: Guy). We said good bye for the last time and I watched as the bus convoy drove away. Maybe I can go see Sean while he’s on tour so we won’t be apart for a full two months. It’s unfair for him to always have to come to me, anyway. I’ll ask Karen if that’s a possibility in an e-mail later or something because I’ll need to arrange a hotel (there is no way I am sleeping with Sean in what is essentially a mattress cubby hole, although cubby hole sex might be interesting.).

Family

“Sean! I’m home and my clothes are still on….This is unacceptable.” I said when I got home from work.

Murphy was sitting near his food bowl, so I fed him and wandered around my apartment looking for Sean. He was nowhere to be found. On the table in my foyer there was a post-it note from him:

Karen called a band meeting to give us the details of what time we need to be back from our break and the future itinerary. It should take an hour at the most. I’ll bring home a pizza.

-S

P.S: I fed Murphy before I left, so don’t feed him.

I looked over at Murphy.

“Con artist.” I hissed. He meowed at me and went back to munching on his food.

I was kind of bummed that Sean wasn’t home and looked around my apartment; he had cleaned a little bit. I walked into my bedroom and kicked my heels off, changed out of my work clothes, and put on an ancient pair of sweatpants from college and a black tank top before plopping on the couch with some work files and resumes (I get to hire two new interns for the summer!). After about 20 minutes Sean walked in with a fresh pizza, a 2-liter bottle of soda, and cheesy garlic bread. He poked his head around the corner and smiled at me (I melted).

“Hey.”

“Hey you.” I said. He put the box on the coffee table and disappeared into the kitchen only to return a few minutes later with two glasses and two paper plates.

“How was your day?” He sat next to me on the couch and whipped open the pizza box.

“It was great, actually. I think I finally got that situation at work handled.” I said putting my paperwork on the end table and taking the plate Sean handed me.

“That’s good! You’ve been putting a lot of energy into it.”

“How has the vacation from the band been?” I asked.

“You have no idea. I’m so glad to be out of that bus for right now.”

“Why what’s going on?”

“Well, for one, it’s a total pig sty. Two, there’s no privacy and it’s always noisy. And three, you’re not there.”

I smiled.

“But the good thing is that Karen is going to arrange for it to be cleaned over this little break so at least that won’t be a problem anymore and I’ve heard a rumor that the label might get us a second bus which would make the second issue a bit easier. I love the guys, but some of them seriously suck at being roommates. The third problem I can’t fix, though.”

“Well, if you get that second bus maybe Skype sex can be a possibility again.” I giggled.

“By the way, Jake wanted me to tell you that you have a fabulous rack. I agree.” Sean took a bite of pizza.

“And you’re just telling me this now, because?”

“Because now that awkward moment is far enough behind us that we can laugh about it and I can finally look Jake in the eyes again.”

“You’re only okay with him complimenting my awesome boobs because he’s gay.”

“Uh, duh.”

I grabbed a piece of garlic bread and another slice of pizza. It had started raining since Sean got back and we curled up on the couch together and watched a made-for-TV-movie while we finished our dinner. I put the leftovers away while Sean stretched out on the couch and then I snuggled up with him when I came back.

“I’ve missed you kind of a lot.” I said smelling his hair.

My hand was on his chest and he laid his over it. The other he wrapped around the small of my back.

“I’ve kind of missed you a lot, too.” He kissed my forehead.

Murphy jumped up and laid next to our hands on Sean’s chest and started purring.

“I could get used to this.”

“Used to what?” I asked.

“This is like having my own family. You. Murphy. Me. On the couch; together. Oh, by the way…those sweat pants are SO hot.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“Nope. Normally, sweatpants aren’t a huge turn on for me but those have a hole in the crotch and you’re not wearing any underwear so I made an exception.”

“Oh, well, I guess I should take them off, then.” I said rolling off of him and coyly walking to my bedroom. I could hear him laughing but not following me. I threw the sweatpants on his head and immediately heard the shuffle of his feet behind me.

Success

Sean got in last night really late. I tried waiting up but I ended up falling asleep on the couch with Murphy in my lap. Sean let me sleep and took me out to breakfast the next morning before I had to leave for work. It sucks that I couldn’t take off work to spend the whole week with Sean but I figured he could sleep while I was at the office all day. Sean is glad to have a full week off. He told me that, while he loves his bandmates, it’s nice to not have to share a bus with them for a few days. I’m going to have a hard time not just jumping him when I get home today.

Something good did happen this morning, work-wise, though. When I logged into my computer and checked my e-mail I had an e-mail from Rose, Veronica’s secretary, telling me that she confirmed my lunch meeting with Veronica which means I have officially booked her and Stormy’s situation is going to be taken care of within the next few weeks! I was so excited I almost screamed when I read the e-mail.

I wanted to tell Stormy as soon as I could but I didn’t want to tip Veronica off because I’m afraid if she finds out what this meeting is about she’ll figure out a way to get out of it or push it back again, and I am NOT going to let that happen even if it kills me. With the capture and death of Bin Laden, Stormy is being pushed to the brink of deadlines and broadcasting and it’s just not fair to him as an employee but also as a human being. No one should be forced to work this hard and I am not going to tell Stormy that Veronica has cancelled this meeting again, so I had to be sneaky about it.

I sent him an e-mail shortly before lunch that said I needed to talk to him and to meet me in the chicken place around the corner from our building. He came in a few minutes late.

“Ew, why did you pick this place? Everyone hates it and I think Jeff got food poisoning from here.” He said sitting down.

“I know, that’s why I picked it.” I said slyly, “I was able to schedule Veronica for a meeting-”

“What!?”

“Shhhh! I was able to get her to schedule a lunch meeting with me but she does not know that you and the HR rep for the news station will be there with your contract. You can’t tell anyone you’re going to be at this meeting or Veronica might try to get out of it.”

“Are you serious!?” He asked in disbelief.

“Yep. It’s going to happen. I talked to the HR rep and they are willing to renegotiate your contract and they are available for this lunch date. It’s all fallen into place.”

“Faith I don’t know how to thank you.”

“You can buy me a burger. Let’s get out of here. It smells like salmonella.”

“It really does.”

So Stormy and I went to lunch in the bar and grill across from our office building. He was elated and was walking lighter than he has in months. I know this is cheesy, but it felt really good to help him out with this. Other than that great achievement, this work day has been going by so slowly. I’m practically jumping up and down because I’m so excited to go home and see Sean. I only have two more hours to get through.

(Author's Note: What does everyone think of the new color scheme?)

Gushers

Molly and I were out shopping the other day. She has a date and wanted to buy a new dress, rather than wear one she made herself and I wanted to buy lingerie for Sean since he’s coming home tomorrow and our one year anniversary is coming up, so I figured I’d browse around for something really special for that, too.

“So, who’s the guy?”

“Oh, he’s an actor I’ve been in a few shows with. He’s really funny and I like his work so I figured maybe we’d have a fun time together. To be completely honest, though, Faith….I really just want to get laid.”

I practically spit out my iced tea onto the clothing rack I was looking through.

“O-okay…” I said coughing up my tea.

“It’s been awhile, is what I’m saying.” Molly said, “You don’t get it, you have awesome sex with Sean at your beck and call. And even when he’s gone there’s always Skype sex or phone sex.”

“We haven’t had Skype sex since the first week of his tour.”

“What? Why?”

“He shares the bus with four other dudes, plus a bus driver. Basically, Jake sort of walked in on Sean while he was on webcam with me, so that put an end to that option. And Sean is rarely alone long enough to have phone sex. I mean, you don’t have to say anything for the webcam because it’s all right in front of you and Sean could put on headphones, but you have to TALK during phone sex. It would be too weird, I think, for that.”

“Oh, fair enough, but still, I need some sex.”

A woman walked by us and literally stuck her nose up. When she passed we burst out laughing.

“Geez, the class of some people.” Molly joked.

We went down the street to a sandwich shop and looked over our wares when we sat in a booth. As we dug in Molly gushed about her actor date’s looks.

“He is SO hot, Faith. He’s ripped and he’s got brown hair and best of all….he’s straight. UGH. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone this hot who isn’t gay in the theatre world. It’s like I found the needle in the haystack.”

I giggled. “So what is his name?”

“Calvin. Isn’t it a dreamy name?” She asked.

“It is.”

Molly is funny when she has a crush. It reminds me of when I was in college and would just gush to my friends about the boy I was dating and how perfect he was. I guess I still do that about Sean to Zoey and Anna and Molly. I’m probably insufferable, actually. I miss him so much. I can’t wait until he comes home tomorrow! It’s been a month since he was here last.