Sleep Talk

My mom has a pretty unique world view when it comes to sleeping. It’s pretty complex but I’ll try to explain it. My mom thinks that if you wake up after 8:30am (even on weekends) you are lazy and have no right to be tired later in the day. Naps are irritating to her, she refuses to take one even if she’s sick and anyone else who tries to take one in our house while she’s around gets woken up by the vacuum or is asked to mow the lawn. There’s only one time that my mom falls asleep and it’s when she watches a movie. I would say about 99 per cent of the time she falls asleep within 20 minutes of the start of a movie…and then starts snoring. Listening to someone snore while you’re watching a movie is distracting so when we wake her up she refuses to believe that she was asleep and says that she doesn’t snore; this goes on for an hour sporadically until one of us basically has to drag her to her bedroom.

The reason I’m telling all of you this is because I came home to be on vacation and relax but since I got home I’ve had nothing but rude wake ups at obscene times in the day. I was seriously jetlagged from my flight and extremely tired when I got home from the airport so I went to bed around midnight. Suddenly I woke up to the paper shredder at 7:00 in the morning. I tried to tune it out and keep sleeping but my mom used it for two hours. How there was that much paper to shred in our house I’ll never know. The next day I was woken up at 8:30am by the lawn mower. The day after that, the radio at 8:00am.

At first, I didn’t notice that the noise was purposeful. I knew something was up when I noticed the paper shredding stopped as soon as I woke up as well as the radio. Being forced to wake up so early really started to bother me especially when I started to notice that my brother was able to sleep until two or three in the afternoon. I figured out that the reason for this was because he sleeps in the basement, where there is no sunlight, you can barely hear anything, and my mom refuses to go down there unless she absolutely has to. My room is on the first floor right next to our home office, which means I can hear anyone who uses the computer, shreds paper, prints something, or answers the phone. I also have the weirdest curtains ever hanging over my window. They don’t block out any light at all, it seems like they actually make the room brighter. I am a really light sleeper and I need darkness to get a restful sleep so I haven’t been in the greatest mood since I’ve been home because I haven’t been able to sleep the way my body needs it to. Luckily, my mom starts work tomorrow (she’s a pre-school teacher) so I’ll be able to sleep-in as late as I want. YES!

Expert Traveler

Oh man, I am so exhausted. I spent the day packing up the rest of my things and moving them into a car I rented. Once that was done I gave Scott all the information he needed to take over my job. Yes, I trained Scott after giving my two weeks’ notice, so now he’ll be doing my job. He’s completely qualified and I know he was interested in HR work when I hired him so I think he’s a great candidate. In my opinion, I think most jobs should be filled internally if they can, especially administrative positions, so I’m extremely comfortable with the board’s decision to keep Scott on as my replacement. They will definitely be impressed by his work in the future. After lugging everything into my car I got to drive to my apartment and lug it up all the stairs. By the time I got the last box up it was time for me to grab my plane ticket and go to the airport.

I packed my suitcase this morning before work, added a few things I forgot (and remembered later in the day), grabbed my suitcase, and double checked my plane ticket before making the trip to the airport to return my rented car and check-in for my flight. When I was in college, I made this trip a lot, so I’m not a newbie to airports or travelling (I’m the daughter of an Army Lt. Col. So we moved ALL THE TIME). One of my biggest pet peeves is when people go through the wrong security line at the airport. Obviously if you have a stroller or a guitar case, you should not be going through the “expert traveler” line. Extra luggage means more time and I have developed a system to get through security within seconds (it’s the people in front of me that add the minutes on).

Take for instance what happened today: a family of four, a mom, grandmother, and two kids around 11 or 12 in the expert traveler line. First of all, the family had food and liquids with them, so they had to take those out, throw them away, and subsequently held up the entire line, they also had about 4 carry-ons a piece. Next the older kid walked back through the metal detector after going through it once which didn’t please the security guard monitoring it. Then the mother and grandmother forgot to take off their shoes so that added on time to the wait. Then the mother forgot to remove her cell phone from her pocket which set the metal detector off and required her to hold up the line even more. By this point, I was about to tear my hair out in frustration with this family. To top everything off the kids had bug vacuums in their back packs. On the x-ray machine they looked like weapons and their bags had to be inspected by hand because of it. Who the hell brings a BUG VACUUM with them on a trip? All in all, it took me about 25 minutes to get through security and at least 23 of those minutes were because of this family. Luckily I only had a back pack and a laptop so it was smooth sailing after that.

I don’t normally complain about things that take a long time, I’m actually one of the most patient people when it comes to things like waiting in line or waiting for a food order or what have you, waiting in security lines doesn’t bother me either, really. It’s just that this family in particular had no business being in the expert traveler line whatsoever. They weren’t even aware of basic security procedures like no liquids or the fact that you can’t walk back through a metal detector without the permission of the security guard! I know some people might see this as something I shouldn’t bother being annoyed by, but I can’t help it…I’m a fan of rules if you couldn’t tell (HR work is mostly enforcing rules). I think rules are important and should be followed if there’s a reason for them. The point I’m making is that the expert traveler line is for people who have minimal carry-on items and who know the drill for security and it’s clear that the family in front of me did not. They chose to go to the shortest or quickest line because they think they’re above the rules. The line designation signs are hard to miss at the airport which means the leader of that family made the conscious decision to not follow the rules and chose to hold up an entire line of people. I think that’s what bothers me the most about people who don’t stick to the lines they should be using at the airport; the complete disregard for following the rules and in turn not respecting the people around you.

Anyway, my dad picked me up from the airport and went to the get car while I grabbed my suitcase from baggage claim. When we finally got in the car and on our way home he looked at me and smiled.

“What?” I asked laughing.

“Nothing, just look at your shoes. I remember when you couldn't even wear really shorts high heels without complaining and now you’re wearing those things.” He said motioning to my 4 inch black pumps.

“Well, having to wear nice shoes to work every day forced me to wear shoes like this I guess.”

“Remember when you graduated from college? And you wore those shoes and by the time the ceremony was over you took them off the second you got outside the hall. Your mom had to bring you your flip flops because your feet hurt so badly.” We started laughing. It was true. I couldn’t wait to take my shoes off I practically threw them off and as a consequence I have no shoes on in a lot of the pictures I took with my friends that day.

We stopped to get pizza on the way home for dinner and my mom was waiting for us when we finally got home. The pizza was good and we watched some movies. I still have more to tell but I’m starting to fall asleep at the keyboard, so I’ll write another post soon.

String Theory

I met up with Sean at his hotel in a sexy green low cut mini dress with white pumps and tousled hair. He answered the door and took me in while I walked past him and put my purse on top of the television. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist for a really deep kiss. When he pulled away we had an awkward moment.

After a few uncomfortable seconds Sean jumped in, “Uh…I gotta be honest with you. This isn’t really something I’ve done either. The no-strings-attached thing.” He said putting his hands in his pockets.

“Okay, well we can learn together cause I have no idea how this kind of thing works either.” I said leaning against a dresser.

We shared a laugh and then Sean asked, “So should I take you to dinner? Or is that a string?”

I laughed, “I don’t really know but I’d be down for dinner, there’s a burger place down the street.”

“That’s my kind of girl.” Sean said smiling and following me out the door.
We had a fun dinner and talked for awhile before going back to his room. Things finally heated up and when we were done I wasn’t really sure what to do next.

“So…should I go?” I asked under the covers.

“You can, I guess. But you could also stay. We could have sex again if you stayed.” Sean said laughing.

I ended up staying the night and in the morning gave Sean a kiss before I left. We aren’t really sure where this is heading and I’m not even sure if I want it to go anywhere. I mean he’s great as a person and in bed but I’m pretty sure I don’t want a boyfriend right now. We’re having fun and I don’t feel like there’s any pressure to take it further but the awkwardness of “we’re about to have sex because that’s the only thing we want from each other” thing is a little unexpected. Plus, he’s travelling a lot and it’s not that I can’t handle long distance relationships, because I can, it’s just not something I’m looking for. I told him I’d call him when I get back from visiting my parents and left.

Talk Back

I went in to talk to Hugh about what happened and to give an official statement for the paper’s records. When I walked into the office everyone was staring at me and it made me really uncomfortable. It was like I was making a walk of shame to the conference room where Hugh was sitting. He looked up from some papers and a voice recorder as I entered and shook my hand. He asked how I was and after the pleasantries we started.

“First, Kevin will not be anywhere near you for the remainder of your time with us. And I just want to let you know that, although I understand you’d want to leave after what happened, your job will be open if you change your mind.”

“I appreciate that Hugh, but quitting was something I’d been thinking about before what happened last week. My decision to quit was not influenced by any of it.”

Hugh looked relieved and we moved on to recording an official statement.

“So can you tell me what exactly occurred on the date in question.”

“I went to Kevin’s office to have him sign some forms for my two-weeks’ notice as dictated by our policy. After he signed them I asked him if he’d been drinking. Once I told him that I’d have to call security, as building policy demands, he attempted to grope me. I slapped him on the face and tried to leave. At that point Kevin pushed me up against his desk and tried to take off my shirt. While doing this he continued to grope me, that’s when Herb and Wesley came in to pull him off.”

“What prompted you to file the sexual harassment claim?”

“The nature of Kevin’s approach and actions were deliberately sexual and I felt the paper would want a record of what had happened.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to add?” Hugh asked from across the table.

“Yes.” I paused and became uncomfortable.

“Go on.”

“Kevin and I were involved in a romantic relationship from January to about March. We ended things about a month and a half ago. I chose to end the relationship due to issues I had with him being my boss as well as some personal reasons. Since then Kevin has been monitoring my work and looking to get me fired while I have tried to remain professional and cordial. I wanted to tell you so you know the full extent of Kevin’s and my relationship and heard it up front.”

Hugh looked a little shocked. Dating my boss wasn’t something he expected of me and I could see his disappointment. It wasn’t against the rules or anything but there’s a stigma to it. He absorbed what I had said and continued with the statement.

“Thank you, is there anything else you would like to include for this statement?”

“Yes, I will not be pressing charges against Kevin or the paper in any way.”

We finished the statement and Hugh apologized for what happened. He can’t disclose what happened to Kevin but I’m sure he’s been fired. Dina told me that he cleared out his office and that Hannah came by to help him. When I think back to meeting Hannah for the first time I was so jealous of her. Now, I just feel pity for her. She knows the person she’s dating is a creep but she doesn’t want to leave him; the excuses, the lies, they’ll wear on her eventually and she’ll realize she’s better than Kevin in so many ways. He doesn’t deserve her and she’ll hopefully realize that sooner rather than later.

Dirty

I’m pretty sure I’m over Kevin. Officially. Part of that may have something to do with the dirty sex I had last night with a musician.

The four of us went out to that night club that Elise had been talking about earlier this week. The band that was playing was pretty good and I had a blast dancing it up. The lead guitarist was super hot and he came up to me while they were between sets.

“Hey, my name is Sean, you seem to really like our music.” He said sticking his hand out to shake mine. He brushed his dark hair out of his green eyes and I swooned.

“Yeah, it sounds better than a lot of stuff I’ve been hearing on the radio lately.” I said blushing.

To make a long story short I stayed behind while Anna, Elise, and Zoey decided to leave earlier (after checking with me, of course. I told them I would be fine). Sean came up at the end of their performance allotment and we ended up talking for a long time. He’s a travelling musician, and helped write all of the songs they played. We were sitting at a booth and laughing at a joke he told when he put his hand on my leg. It was electric. He didn’t stop at just my leg, we started making out in the booth shamelessly, the next thing I knew he had me up against the wall in the bathroom with my dress hiked up to my waist, thong off. I grabbed at the fly of his jeans and fifteen minutes later we were both panting breathlessly up against the wall.

“Wanna get out of here? Go to my hotel room? We can get room service.” He said giving me a smirk and trailing a finger down my arm.

“Oh yeah, but only if I get room service.” I said laughing.

We went for round two (and three) in Sean’s hotel room. In the morning he ordered room service (strawberry French toast with scrambled eggs and cheese, coffee, and orange juice) and we went at it again. Then I took a shower, which was a bad idea, because I started freaking out about what the hell I was doing with this guy. It must have shown when I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and started looking for my clothes.

“I’m done if you wanted to….I’ll just go.” I said stumbling around like an awkward soaking mess.

Sean touched my arm, “Is something wrong? Did I do something?”

I looked at Sean for a moment and decided if I wanted to unload the panic I was experiencing at that moment. My mouth decided for me.

“Well, I- I never do things like this and I don’t really know how to handle these s-s-ituations. I know every girl says she doesn’t d-do things like this but I really haven’t and I’m kind of having a panic at-attack because I don’t know what you want or if there’s expectations that come with whatever it is this is, s-“ I said nearly hyperventilating.

“What do you think it is?” Sean cut me off, smiling.

“Uh….?”

“Well, what do you want it to be, what are you looking for Faith?”

“You remember my name?” I said with complete shock.

“Uh yeah, do you think I just sleep with women without knowing their name?”

“I didn’t mean it like that…” I started hyperventilating again.

“Should I just tell you what I think this is?” Sean said running his fingers through his hair and sitting me on the bed.

“Yes. That would be a good idea.” I said nodding vigorously.

“Okay, well this can be whatever you want it to be, I’m really up for whatever.”

“I just got out of a relationship…so I don’t want to attach myself to anyone in a relationship type of way right now, but we could just keep doing this. I could handle a no-strings-attached type of thing….if you’re okay with that.”

“I am.”

“It’s settled then, you are my….”

“Lover?”

“Gross.” I said hitting him with a pillow. He tackled me and pulled my towel off as I dove under the comforter.

When I finally left Sean had just showered. He gave me his phone number and a list of upcoming tour dates. He leaves in a few days but we have a sleep over planned for tomorrow night and he’ll be back in a few weeks so I’ll see him again when I get back from visiting home.

Z-Therapy

“You should press charges.” Zoey said trying on a pair of red pumps with ribbon laces around the ankle.

“Zoey, I already told you, I’m fine. The guy is a jerk but I don’t want to ruin his life by having him charged with an attempted sexual assault when I just don’t feel like it was as serious as that.”

Zoey took the shoes out of my hand and kneeled in front of me on a shoe fitting bench, “Faith, he shoved you up against his desk, tried to rip off your shirt, and stuck his hands up your skirt. That isn’t an attempted sexual assault.”

“It isn’t?”

“No….it is a sexual assault. It doesn’t matter if he succeeded in a full blown rape; he groped you and would have done a lot worse if those two guys hadn’t gotten there in time. He sexually assaulted you.” Zoey looked up at me from her kneeling position waiting for what she said to sink in.

“What do you think of this green kitten heel?” I said changing the subject.

A few hours later we met up with Elise, went to see a movie, and grabbed a late dinner at a burger joint near Zoey’s apartment. By the time we got done with dinner it was super late and Elise and I had an impromptu sleep over in Zoey’s living room. When the two of them went to sleep I found myself restless and unable to shut my mind off.

What Zoey had said earlier did sink in, but I’m still not pressing any charges. First, there isn’t anything I want from Kevin that would come out of pressing charges. What I mean by that is that I don’t want a court ordered financial settlement for pain and suffering or anything like that. I don’t feel violated or damaged at all by what happened but Zoey says that’s because I’m still in shock. I don’t know if she’s right or not. Second, Kevin was drunk. I’ve seen him drunk before and he makes DUMB decisions. I’m not excusing it but I don’t think Kevin is a threat to other women because in his stupid drunken head he probably thought I was trying to seduce him. Third, I’m not looking to get Kevin thrown in jail. That has nothing to do with any residual feelings I may have had for Kevin but with the fact that it could ruin his life. He would be a registered sex offender and never be able to get a job. While Kevin is a major asshole and I don’t particularly want him to be successful, that doesn’t mean I want to be the psycho ex-girlfriend who puts him in jail. Lastly and more importantly, the lawsuit would never get to court. Kevin and I dated which means that any lawyer Kevin could hire will use that to say I really was seducing him and I just can’t deal with those accusations when I’m so close to being free from all of this at my new job.

Notice

Everyone has been tip-toeing around Kevin’s office ever since Hannah’s visit. Everyone was avoiding him including myself, but unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid him anymore. I wasn’t looking forward to giving Kevin my two weeks’ notice and tried to delay it until things calmed down, but I eventually gave up and made the long walk to Kevin’s office. Scott had called in sick (twenty bucks says it was to escape from the situation with Kevin and not an actual illness) so I walked into Kevin’s office after a small knock.

“I can’t deal with you today, I need you to go.”

“This will only take a minute,” I said surveying the disaster that was Kevin’s office, “I’m giving you my two weeks’ notice. I’ll get my stuff out of my office June 7th, when I get back from visiting my parents. My last day of attendance will be the 28th. I’ve filled out all of the forms; I just need you to sign them…now.”

I handed Kevin a small stack of papers. His eyes were bloodshot, he needed to shave, and he was wearing the same clothes as the day before….and the day before that. It wasn’t until Kevin handed the papers back after signing that I caught the whiff of alcohol.

“Have you been drinking?” I asked looking at the clock: 11:00AM.

“Mind your own business.”

“Excuse me?” I was shocked. As an HR rep it’s my job to help maintain a healthy work environment and there’s an entire building policy that anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol must be removed by security immediately. That rule is the same reason we aren’t allowed to serve alcohol at business parties being hosted in the building and the reason we rented out a hotel ballroom for our winter holiday party this year. “Kevin you smell like a wet bar. You know I have to call security and have you escorted out of the building, right?” I said with genuine concern. I didn’t like Kevin but I didn’t want to ruin his career or potentially his life.

“You don’t have to,” Kevin said stumbling out of his chair and leaning on his desk. He lurched for me and tried to put his hands up my skirt. I slapped him.

“What the hell, Kevin!?” I said pushing him off. He landed on the ground laughing.

“Oh, come on, like you don’t want this. Ever since we broke up you’ve been regretting not staying with me.”

“No Kevin, you’re sensing the regret I have for EVER dating you.”

At that point he had gotten back up and tried to pin me up against his desk he started kissing me and tried to get my shirt open before Herb, the sports writer, and Wesley, one of the politics writers came in to pull him off of me. Dina called security and later helped me file a sexual harassment form since I couldn’t process it due to conflict of interest in being the HR rep. The head board member, Hugh Jones, was informed of the incident by security, since he owns the area we work out of and he called me to schedule a meeting to get a statement from me. He also gave me the rest of the week off. Before I left I filed my two weeks’ notice and e-mailed the board members to let them know and see if they wanted me to start looking or training for a replacement. I’m sure they’ll think it’s because of what happened today but as you all know that’s not the case and I won’t be pressing charges against the paper or Kevin. I just want this part of my life to be over so I can move on to my new job with no baggage.

I know it seems weird, but I don’t feel all that violated. I mean, I was scared and I felt really helpless but after the fact I don’t really feel anything. Maybe my absolute disgust and fear is being weighed out by the fact that Kevin will most definitely be getting fired now, but that doesn’t make me feel anything either. I think getting my new job came just when I needed it. Right now, my new job is the only thing I have any feelings about and they’re all good feelings.

Hannah 2.0

When I got to work the next day I closed my door and calmly hung up my jacket and purse before practically ripping apart my file cabinet looking for Hannah’s application. I found it, but it definitely wasn’t hers. The application Kevin gave me was for a Hannah King, not a Hannah Fitzgerald. He had lied to me (yet again) that this Hannah was his fiancée. I couldn’t believe just how low Kevin was; I was absolutely shocked.

I looked at the application on my desk with an icy stare before typing her name into several career and hiring sites we regularly used. She came up on several. Her current place of employment was as a mailroom clerk for Summit Advertising Incorporated…which was in the same building as the paper. The pieces were all falling together. I looked into the database for our building (it was a security feature that had been opened up about a year ago that let us see everyone who should have access to the building so we could report suspicious people) her information popped up as well as a picture. One thing was pretty clear: I found the mystery woman from the elevators.

I calmly walked down to Kevin’s office and waved at Scott while I passed by his desk. He looked like he was going to stop me but decided against it. I stared at Kevin’s office upon entry, it looked like he had been living in it.

“Hi, I need to talk to you about Hannah.”

“Not now, please. I’ve had to deal with her enough this week.” Kevin said groaning and going back to his proofreading.

“The other Hannah.” I stated.

Kevin sighed, “Take a seat.”

“Are you having an affair with her?”

“Wow, that’s pretty damn blunt Faith, is that even appropriate for an HR rep to ask?”

“No, but I saw you leave pretty close together once and didn’t know who she was until about ten minutes ago. So? Are you?”

“It’s really none of your business and it’s not breaking any company rules if I was, so what’s your problem?”

“My problem is that you wanted me to hire someone you’ve been having an affair with. I need you to stop trying to make me look bad at my job. I mean it.”

“Oh, please, this isn’t about you. Hannah hates her job and wanted to see if I could help her out, nothing more, nothing less.”

“I have enough on you to get you fired, do you know that?”

“Bullshit.”

“No, I’ve been documenting things and if you try to screw me over one more time, I swear to God that I will take everything I’ve got and give it to the board.”

“You have nothing.”

“Oh, really. Well, I know that you’ve missed several deadlines and blamed the writing staff when it was actually your fault, I know that you do very little work because you keep screwing with me, and I almost have enough for a harassment claim if you send me another anonymous “gift”, and that’s not even the tip of the iceberg.”

Kevin’s jaw dropped and he looked uncomfortable. He told me to get out of his office and basically shoved me out the door. He didn’t come out for the rest of the day.

Detective Faith

I got it! The news station job! It’s mine! They called me a few hours ago and I just got back from celebrating with Zoey, Elise, and Anna. After we ordered dinner at our favorite Italian place and a super expensive bottle of wine we settled in and I told them all about my job and what I’ll be doing in about a month.

“So the editor and I make up a hiring team for writers, we’ll be doing the interviews for about two weeks after they sign me on to start getting writing staff going before they launch the paper. I’m responsible for weeding through the unqualified candidates, background checks, that kind of stuff. While the editor reads their samples and goes through people that way. Basically I send him the people I think are qualified on paper and the editor chooses the final candidates on talent.”

“That’s so cool, Faith!” Zoey said taking a bite of her garlic cheese bread.

“Seriously, it’s good you’ve found something like this, it seems like a better fit.” Anna said sipping some wine.

“And you don’t have to be around Kevin anymore.” Elise blurted out.

“That’s definitely a perk,” I said laughing, “That reminds me…” I said pulling out my cell phone, “I know this borders on creepy and completely inappropriate, but I have a hunch. Can you guys look at this photo and tell me if she looks familiar?” I said showing Elise, Anna, and Zoey the picture I took of Hannah the other day.

Elise, Anna, and Zoey all looked at each other shrugged their shoulders and looked at the picture. There was a pause when they all confusedly looked at me.

“Uh…we know who that is Faith, this is weird. How did you know we’d recognize Hannah Fitzgerald?”

“You know her NAME?” I said a bit angrier than I wanted to sound.

Elise looked at me while putting sugar in her tea, “Hannah is pretty influential in the fashion world, Faith, she works as a fashion consultant for Vogue and goes from magazine to magazine, fashion show to fashion show, judging the work and artistry and reports back to Vogue.”

“What does that mean exactly?” I said blank-faced.

“She writes about designers or magazines that she deems fashionable, it can make or break a designer or a new publication, she’s ruthless.” Zoey said dipping her garlic bread in the marinara sauce, “She recently came to visit our magazine; we’ve all been really worried about what or if she’s going to write about us.”

The pieces started to fall into place. “Faith? Why did you think we’d recognize her?” Zoey said putting her napkin down and taking a sip of wine.

“Oh….every time I see her she’s wearing the latest and most expensive clothes and her hair is always flawless, I figured you guys might have seen her working or shopping in a designer clothing store because I know that sometimes Anna has to shop for the magazine and sometimes you guys go along. I never realized she was so influential in your world.”

We let the issue drop and changed the subject. After awhile, Anna had something to say.

“I have an announcement,” Anna said putting her silverware and napkin on her plate, “Theo and I…we had sex last night.”

Zoey, Elise and I shared a smiled. I rubbed Anna’s arm and Zoey gave her a side hug while Elise reached across and grabbed her hands. Anna smiled and started turning bright red.

“Things have been going really well. I don’t really know what made Theo want to work so hard for me-“

“Because you’re worth it,” Zoey said.

Anna smiled and looked down.

“I too have an announcement,” Elise said, “I have four tickets to a night club with an up and coming band coming to town with your guys’ names on it. Next weekend. We’ll get dressed up and wear dangerous high heels and short skirts. It’ll be fun, we can flirt with boys and get tipsy.”

I had a twinge of unease about that idea. I had gotten over Kevin pretty easily because of his behavior at work and how he treated me but I wasn’t sure I was really ready to go out and be seen and flirt with anyone. I got lost in my thoughts as my three friends carried on conversation. Something was taking precedence over the fear-inducing night out and that was Hannah. Something still wasn’t right. She has a fabulous job, why would she want to slum it as a secretary? Then it hit me.

Hannah

I saw a blonde streak cross my office door and didn’t really give it an extra thought until I heard yelling coming from Kevin’s office. He had shut the door before anyone could figure out what the fight was about but Hannah had definitely arrived. I decided to close my door and mist my plants to relax. By the end of the day, she was still there, but they weren’t fighting, she was just sitting there in his office staring at him while he did work. I looked at Scott who shared a dismayed look and made a beeline to where I was standing.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Okay, let’s go to my office.”

“Is this normal?”

“Is what normal?”

“Um…how can I put this delicately…the blonde psycho that’s sitting in Kevin’s office.”

“You mean does she come by often?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, she’s been here before, but she’s never been so angry before.”

“It’s not just that…I have to field her calls ALL the time and recently Kevin told me to ignore them which is why I think she’s here. Do I need to fear for my life?”

“I think Kevin’s the only one who needs to fear for his life. You’ve been doing a great job Scott, is there anything you have questions about or anything I can do to help you out?”

“Can you get rid of Hannah?”

“No, but security can. If this happens again, maybe you could consider calling them.”

Scott laughed and said goodbye. There was something weird going on with Hannah and the secretary job and just everything surrounding the whole ordeal with Kevin and that new position. I grabbed my bag and jacket and looked at Kevin’s office, I could see Hannah’s face and took the whole view in. She was really fashionable. Too fashionable. She was wearing designer clothes and had an extremely expensive haircut. All of that was great but there was something Kevin once said to me about Hannah: That he was using her to get everything he wanted. Why would a woman who isn’t even qualified to be a secretary be Kevin’s ticket to a new life? It was clear she came from money…but she was also educated. I decided to look into this more and sneakily took a picture of Hannah with my camera phone. I knew just the people to show it to.

Produce

I got a second interview for the news station job. It’s on Friday and I should know by Monday if they want to hire me. I found out that they won’t be prepared to take me on until nearly a month from now, which means I’ll be stuck with Kevin for a whole month even if I do get the job. I also learned that this particular news station has its own newspaper connected to it and if I get the job, I’d be responsible for hiring staff for that AND the editor and I would be a hiring team for any new writers. I REALLY want this job. I heard back from another place but said I needed time to think about it. I’m really waiting to see if I get the news station job before I make a decision. I’m prepared to take it though if I don’t get an offer from the news station.

I spent most of the day deep-cleaning my apartment and decided I had to go grocery shopping after looking at the pathetic contents of my refrigerator and pantry: an expired carton of milk, some wilted lettuce, a box of Cheez-its, and powered hot chocolate packets.

First off, I actually enjoy going grocery shopping, but I live in the city so I don’t have/can’t afford to own a car which means I either have to borrow a friend’s or ration off how much I can buy at the store and make multiple trips. Yeah….

“Pleeeeeeeeeease? You can come, if you want.” I begged into the phone.

“How much do you have to buy?” Zoey said, making me sweat it out.

“A lot, I have literally no food in my house. Unless you count Cheez-it’s and hot chocolate powder food.” I started smiling as Zoey pretended to consider it.

“Okay, I’ll pick you up in a few minutes. It’s only because I was about to go, though, don’t make it a habit.” She laughed and hung up. Zoey and I always did this, she pretended not to let me borrow her car while I begged and showered her with compliments. I always paid her back for the gas and I’m an impeccable driver so she’s comfortable letting me drive it. It’s always fun when Zoey comes along.

Zoey had to walk across the street to fill a prescription while I perused the grocery store shelves. While bending over into a freezer I felt someone standing next to me. When I looked up I saw Theo.

“Oh….hey Theo…how….how is…everything?” I said holding a carton of strawberry ice cream and a frozen cheesecake. He looked at my goods and smiled, “Watch it.” I said dumping them into the cart.

“Everything is…healing.” Theo said choosing his words carefully. I could tell he didn’t want to jinx anything but my heart was bursting with happiness now that they were able to start a reconciliation process, “I’m currently sleeping on the couch and we started seeing a new marriage counselor, one that specializes in couples who have lo….like us.”

I nodded and gave Theo a hug, “I’m really happy for you. Progress is good.”
Theo hugged me back before snatching my cheesecake from my cart. “HEY! That’s the last one!”

“I know, but Anna specifically asked for it, you wouldn’t want to deprive her, would you?” He said laughing. I sighed and waved goodbye to him while I went digging in the freezer looking for any hint of a hidden cheesecake.

After shopping and browsing for a little longer Zoey and I checked out and she helped me carry my groceries up and put them away. As a favor I made five cheese lasagna and garlic bread with a side salad for the both of us. For dessert we had cheesecake (There was one hiding under some popsicle boxes) and I told her about seeing Theo and that things might be looking up for him and Anna. Zoey smiled and nodded. That’s all that needed to be said.

Mother's Day

“Hey mom…Happy Mother’s Day!” I said into the phone.

“Aw, thanks sweetheart. When are you coming home?”

I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.

“Uh…I don’t have any plans….you know I’ve been trying to find a new-“

“Oh, well have you heard from your brother?”

“N-no….he’s probably busy mom. They probably took his phone. I wouldn’t really expect him to call me.”

“Did you know he got another parking ticket?”

“No?”

“Don’t give me attitude young lady, I’m going through a lot right now, it’s pretty easy when you don’t do much all day.”

“I have a full time job.”

“Anyway…”

Our conversation went something like that. Our conversations usually end up with me calling her or vice versa and immediately turning to my brother. It’s pretty much always been that way, he is the first born after all. Right now he’s in combat training, something that has taken a toll on both of my parents. I think I’ve chosen to live in denial, it seems to be working. Pretty soon he’ll be fighting in Afghanistan like so many other men under the age of 23. I’m used to it, though. Deployments, that is.

After we got off the phone I wanted to change something, so I moved my furniture around the whole place. When that didn’t help I got a haircut, it turned out okay. My hair is really wavy and I got swoopy bangs cut into it which just means I’ll need to straighten then until it grows out a little. It could be worse. Eventually the haircut didn’t help so I booked a plane ticket home. It’s not really to say goodbye to my brother, it’s to make sure my mom doesn’t go crazy. She can be extremely fragile when it comes to her children. Almost every time I go home she has to make a trip to the emergency room due to chest pains, shortness of breath, leg pain, you name it. She worries too much, that's what usually puts her into the emergency room, besides that she’s not in the best of health but she’s trying. That’s really all I can ask. I decided to book a week off. I have tons of vacation time stocked up and I really do miss my family. It’s just hard always having to be the rock when my brother lives his life regardless of others or what his actions do to our family. I’m not talking about the deployment because I kind of get it and I love my brother so much but he can be a major tool. He’s very selfish and his attitude can ruin holidays but I love him regardless like any little sister. I’m going home in about three weeks, so it should be a nice vacation for me since I haven’t been home since Christmas.

Scott

Scott started today. I walked him to Kevin’s office after going over the basics and knocked on the door.

“Kevin, your personal secretary is here, I’d like to introduce you to them.”

Kevin nodded and stood up to greet Scott, thinking he’d be a woman. When Scott came into view from the hallway, Kevin’s disposition changed. I couldn’t help but have a beaming smile on my face, even when Kevin gave me a dirty look. This moment was priceless; I wish I’d had a video camera. Scott started asking Kevin questions and I took the opportunity to sidle away with a cutesy little wave to Kevin on the way back to my office.

About an hour later, Kevin walked into my office and closed the door.

“Dudes can’t be secretaries! What is this?”

“Oh yes they can Kevin, and unless you want the paper to have a lawsuit slapped on it I wouldn’t say that too loudly. What is the problem? Did you honestly think I would hire someone, like Hannah, who had no credentials or skills just so you could ogle them all day? Do you even need a personal secretary or was this just a way for you to cheat on Hannah some more?” I said viciously.

Kevin was struck speechless. He started stuttering and I cut him off.

“What? Did you think you were hiding it? You may have used me but I got to know you more than you think especially after breaking up with you. Stop trying to manipulate me Kevin and just do your job. Scott is more than capable when it comes to being your secretary but if you haven’t done any work because you keep trying to screw me over and make it hard to work with you. Why don’t you actually do some work so Scott can assist you?”

There was a pause.

“You can leave now.”

He glared at me and walked out of my office. I rolled my eyes and closed that part of my chapter. I have three job interviews in the next few days and there’s one that I really want. It’s an HR position for a news company, I would hire researchers, reporters, and on-air talent for them and there would be no board of directors directly in control of my decisions. It also pays a lot more than what I make here. I sent an e-mail to George asking him to give me a recommendation for it and I’m picking it up later after work.

Hunting

I was offered both jobs for the interviews I had this week but I’m not going to take either of them. The one job I told you about last week just doesn’t pay enough and I don’t know that I want to spend all my time looking at a computer screen and working out of an old YMCA building. And I didn’t think I’d be a good fit with the company that offered me the other job. I’m glad they were willing to offer me the positions but I think I can find something that I’m better suited for. HR wasn’t exactly something I expected to turn into a career and it definitely didn’t correlate to my major in college (which was only two years ago, mind you!) and I think I can find a better job that holds my interests.


I spent most of the weekend looking for more job openings and applied for some that weren’t all that HR related…and, of course, worrying about Anna. My conscience got the best of me and I went to visit her after work. When she opened the door, she became really uncomfortable at the sight of me.

“Hey Faith….what’s going on?” She didn’t open the door to invite me in which I thought was odd.

“Nothing, I just thought I’d stop by and see if you needed anything…is this a bad time?”

“I was just cleaning.” She finally opened the door and let me in. Apparently, cleaning was an understatement. The place was spotless….uncomfortably so. Nothing was out of place and the remnants of the weekend were gone.

“Wow, you’ve been busy in here.”

“Faith….what do you want?” Anna looked down at her feet and seemed annoyed at my presence.

“Anna, I’m just concerned about you. I know you probably don’t like that all of us know about Theo and you, but no one’s judging you. Why can’t you just let me be here for you?”

Anna was silent for awhile, “I don’t really know what you want me to say. This whole situation is embarrassing. It wasn’t supposed to be like this Faith.” She started crying and I went to get her a tissue. We sat down and I let Anna talk it out. I just listened and was there for her.

I guess Theo has been blaming her for the miscarriage even though he knows trying to pinpoint a reason for it is impossible. He told her that maybe if she’d gone to the doctor when she first felt the cramping (apparently, she had cramping nearly a week before the miscarriage, but knew that that can be fairly common for women who have trouble conceiving and it was hardly noticeable) they could have done something. As she talked about the eventual downward spiral of her marriage, I could feel the sadness in her voice. She isn’t the same person I knew. She used to be optimistic and happy, her smile could brighten a room, and when I think about the immense joy she exuded at the announcement of her pregnancy, a piece of my heart died. Anna is a great worker and she has a career that she loves, but Anna wants a baby and now that Theo’s left her, the hope of a child has evaporated. She’s a shell of her former self. Anna started crying really hard and I took her to her bedroom and convinced her to take a nap, I promised I wouldn’t leave until she was okay.

After stroking her hair for awhile, she fell asleep and I walked out her room and closed the door. I sat down, turned on the television, and kicked my heels off to get comfortable. After seeing Anna in so much emotional pain, I was exhausted (I can’t imagine how exhausted she was, either). I wanted to help her so badly but couldn’t really think of anything to do. Suddenly the door opened.

“Uh….hey Theo.” I said awkwardly, feeling like I just got caught doing something wrong.

He was startled, “Oh…hey Faith…I didn’t think anyone would be home…I’m assuming you know by now?”

“Yeah.”

“I just came to get some stuff.” He started walking to the bedroom but I stopped him.

“Anna is in there sleeping…it took me forever to get her to sleep, do you have to get the stuff now?”

“I guess not,” he sighed. I expected him to leave but he ended up sitting in an armchair next to me.

We shared an uncomfortable silence and eventually I just couldn’t control myself any longer.

“I know that it’s none of my business…but I think you guys should continue trying to work things out. You and Anna were made for each other. I’ve never seen a couple so happy and-“

Theo cut me off, “We’ve already tried, nothing can be done. She doesn’t want to be with me anymore.”

I gave Theo a confused glance, “Anna said you left her.”

“I did. But after a few days I tried to reconcile and she wanted nothing to do with me. I can’t do this anymore. Seeing her the way she’s been for the last couple of days has broken my heart Faith…to know I’m the cause of it…I just…”

“You aren’t the cause of that, Theo…the miscarriage is. Do you really blame her for the miscarriage?”

Theo paused.

“I need to have something to blame. I can’t grieve or deal with it until I could blame something.”

“So Anna was the person you chose to blame? Oh, Theo…”

“I know it’s not right, I don’t want to blame her and I know it’s only making it worse for her but there has to be a reason Faith. There has to be a reason we lost our child. It can’t just be some whim or unfortunate event-"

“No, Theo. You’re wrong,” I said gently, “things like this…they happen. There aren’t reasons for it and it’s completely unfair that people like you and Anna have had to go through it, but you can’t blame her for this, you know you can’t.”

Theo looked up at me for the first time, “I can’t fix this, Faith.”

“Yes you can. Let go, Theo. If you let go, Anna can let go and she can go back to who she was. She can be your wife again; happy, content, loving. If you still love her, it’s worth fixing.”

Theo nodded and I took that as my cue to leave. I slipped my shoes on, grabbed my bag, and walked out the front door hoping beyond hope that Theo could get Anna through this.

Connect Four

Elise, Zoey, and I decided to get together for dinner and dancing over the weekend. We knew Anna wouldn’t want to come because she hasn’t been very happy since the miscarriage, but the three of us really wanted to make her feel alive again. Zoey told me that Anna has been distracted and sloppy at work and that if she doesn’t snap out of it she could get fired. The three of us showed up at her house unannounced and decked out in our hottest outfits. Let’s just say that if there was a theme to our dress….it was cleavage.

She answered the door in sweatpants with a tissue in her hand and immediately collapsed into sobs when she saw us. The three of us shared an alarmed look and invited ourselves in while giving Anna a group hug. I could tell something was different from the look of the house. It was in disarray and it looked like Anna had been living on the couch for about a week. There were empty food containers thrown about the living room and a dirty blanket lying on the sofa. We sat Anna down on the couch to compose herself and Zoey and Elise set to work on cleaning the place up. I joined them a few minutes later to give Anna some space.

She calmed down a bit and I went to go make her some tea. When I got to the kitchen, it was worse than the living room. There weren’t any clean dishes to be found, there was no food in the refrigerator, and the trash was overflowing. Zoey came in to help me and had to cover her mouth to keep from gasping in shock. We started gathering dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, Elise came in and took out several trash bags that had piled up. We worked in silence. I cleaned a coffee cup and put a kettle on the stove to start the tea. Zoey had grabbed a rag and started washing the countertops while Elise started sweeping the floor.

“You don’t have to do that.”

We all turned around, Anna was standing in the doorway watching us clean her home. The kettle started to whistle. I took it off the stove and poured it over a teabag in the cup while Zoey and Elise followed Anna to the dining room. I followed behind and we ended up sitting at the table in an uncomfortable silence. All of us wanted to know what was going on, but no one wanted to be the one to ask it.

“Theo is leaving me. He moved out a week ago.” All three of us grabbed her hand and said nothing.

“We haven’t been doing very well with the marriage counselor, I guess.”

We sat there in silence for awhile and eventually decided that we would make Anna dinner. Zoey and I went to the grocery store while Elise stayed behind and helped clean up.

Zoey and I drove to the grocery store in silence; we just didn’t know what to say. Eventually we started walking up and down the aisles of the store and musing over what to make for dinner. Suddenly, Zoey threw down the arugula she was holding (and got an angry stare from one of the grocery stockers) and said, “She didn’t mention this to me at work. There weren’t even any signs that it was this bad. She’s been ‘off’ ever since the miscarriage but –"

I gave her a hug, “Anna likes to deal with things alone, you know that. I mean, her going to a marriage counselor was difficult enough. She’s an introverted person.”

“We’re her best friends Faith! When would be a better time to have your friends around than when your marriage is dissolving?”

“Anna’s marriage isn’t our business, Zoey. If she didn’t want to talk about it with us, there’s a reason.”

“I just feel like she won’t let us care about her. She doesn’t let us into her life…ever.”

I had to agree. Anna was a close friend of mine but I knew very little about her. She wasn’t someone who talked a lot about herself and when she did it was very humble, almost lacking confidence.

“Every time I see her it seems that she’s recovering from some traumatic event!” Zoey said picking up a box of pasta and eyeing it with disgust.

“That’s not true, Zoey. I can still remember when Anna was happy. She’s there, she’s just dealing with some things that I don’t think either one of us can understand right now. I mean, we’re not married, we don’t know what it’s like to lose a baby the way that Anna did-"

“I do.”

I eyed Zoey with a clump of tomatoes in either hand.

“What?”

“I was in college, got pregnant, decided to keep it, and then had a miscarriage. I felt guilty for a long time but it happened…like three years ago. It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever experienced.”

I was shocked. Zoey is my closest friend…I couldn’t believe she wouldn’t tell me about something like that.

“Three years ago….? We were roommates!” I couldn’t contain myself, I was offended.

“I had the miscarriage while I was home for Christmas break, you weren’t there, by the time I came back to school, it was already over and I was dealing with it.”

“Does…does Henry (the guy she was dating at the time) know?”

“No. Why would I have told him? I know you always liked him for me Faith, but the truth is he was a shitty boyfriend.”

I was in awe, “Why did you never tell me this? How can you stand there and say Anna should let us into her life more when you didn’t even let me into your life when you went through the same thing!?”

Zoey was at a loss for words.

“I guess…maybe I realize just how damaging it can be when you don’t tell the people who care about you about the really hard stuff in your life…” She trailed off and looked guilty.

I put the tomatoes down and looked at the cart, “We should buy a pizza. I don’t feel like cooking.”

Zoey looked up at me with a thankful look and we abandoned the cart for a greasy pizza place across the street.



“Pizza’s here!” Zoey said as she walked through the door.

The four of us sat in Anna’s living room devouring the pizza and just being there. Anna said very little but I did see her give me a very small smile after Zoey and Elise fell asleep. Instead of dancing we ended up sleeping on Anna’s floor watching re-runs of Criminal Minds.

Man!

I was in the middle of interviews for our new position and was making pretty great headway. I had some funny stories to tell form the day, though. The best one:

A woman came in for the interview today with her infant. This has happened before and so I wasn’t all that surprised or confused…until she opened her mouth. The woman talked in hushed tones and “baby talk” during the interview like it was normal. I didn’t really know what she was expecting because when I spoke like a sane person with my interview questions I started to get the feeling that she was kind of pissed that I wasn’t talking like her. To be sure, she will not be someone I hire or keep for future reference…

I’ve settled on someone that is really going to annoy Kevin. They are perfectly qualified for the job, they have a great attitude, and have a valid interest in HR, which is good if I need to train someone to take over for me when I find a job and get the hell out of here. Oh…it’s also a dude. I can’t wait until I introduce Scott to Kevin because I have a feeling Kevin wanted an attractive woman, not for her secretarial skills (we saw that with him trying to pass Hannah off as a valid candidate) but so that he would have something nice to look at all day. And probably someone to use as a fling before his wedding. I’m sure he’ll absolutely be miserable with Scott but the best thing about it is that Scott probably won’t give me or Kevin a reason to fire him. His references were GLOWING. I wish I’d had references like his right out of college and he graduated with a 4.0 as the valedictorian of his class. Saying I was impressed by his resume was an understatement.

Speaking of the job hunt; I’ve got two interviews next week that I’m really looking forward to. I probably am overqualified for both jobs but I’m ready to get back on the market and expect to be looking for awhile. One job is an HR assistant at a television station while the other one isn’t really a traditional HR position. It’s for an internet start-up company where I would help hire bloggers for an online community. It’s sort of like an online newspaper but everything is an opinion. I would also be responsible for trolling the internet to find potential hires. The second job is a pittance compared to what I get paid now, but it sounds interesting. If I’m even offered it...I don’t know that I would take it.

My day was actually going fine until I checked my office mail. There was an unaddressed envelope to me and inside it was a bereavement card. It had a black wilting flower on it and the inside had blocked out script in embossed gold that said, “Sorry for your loss”. When I read it, I crumpled the envelope in my hand and immediately went to Kevin’s office.

“What the hell is this?” I said throwing the card on his desk.

“How should I know? Is this your way of asking for funeral leave or something?”

I looked at Kevin with a dark glare. “You know exactly what this is because you sent it. Is this your way of trying to intimidate me into thinking you’re going to get me fired?”

“Faith, I’ve never seen that card, and besides, if I was trying to get you fired why would I leave evidence like that?”

I was silent a moment and then said, “Knock off the pranks Kevin. We’re adults; can we please act like it?” I didn’t wait for his reply and for the second time this week, I stomped out of his office. I ripped the card up.