Connect Four

Elise, Zoey, and I decided to get together for dinner and dancing over the weekend. We knew Anna wouldn’t want to come because she hasn’t been very happy since the miscarriage, but the three of us really wanted to make her feel alive again. Zoey told me that Anna has been distracted and sloppy at work and that if she doesn’t snap out of it she could get fired. The three of us showed up at her house unannounced and decked out in our hottest outfits. Let’s just say that if there was a theme to our dress….it was cleavage.

She answered the door in sweatpants with a tissue in her hand and immediately collapsed into sobs when she saw us. The three of us shared an alarmed look and invited ourselves in while giving Anna a group hug. I could tell something was different from the look of the house. It was in disarray and it looked like Anna had been living on the couch for about a week. There were empty food containers thrown about the living room and a dirty blanket lying on the sofa. We sat Anna down on the couch to compose herself and Zoey and Elise set to work on cleaning the place up. I joined them a few minutes later to give Anna some space.

She calmed down a bit and I went to go make her some tea. When I got to the kitchen, it was worse than the living room. There weren’t any clean dishes to be found, there was no food in the refrigerator, and the trash was overflowing. Zoey came in to help me and had to cover her mouth to keep from gasping in shock. We started gathering dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, Elise came in and took out several trash bags that had piled up. We worked in silence. I cleaned a coffee cup and put a kettle on the stove to start the tea. Zoey had grabbed a rag and started washing the countertops while Elise started sweeping the floor.

“You don’t have to do that.”

We all turned around, Anna was standing in the doorway watching us clean her home. The kettle started to whistle. I took it off the stove and poured it over a teabag in the cup while Zoey and Elise followed Anna to the dining room. I followed behind and we ended up sitting at the table in an uncomfortable silence. All of us wanted to know what was going on, but no one wanted to be the one to ask it.

“Theo is leaving me. He moved out a week ago.” All three of us grabbed her hand and said nothing.

“We haven’t been doing very well with the marriage counselor, I guess.”

We sat there in silence for awhile and eventually decided that we would make Anna dinner. Zoey and I went to the grocery store while Elise stayed behind and helped clean up.

Zoey and I drove to the grocery store in silence; we just didn’t know what to say. Eventually we started walking up and down the aisles of the store and musing over what to make for dinner. Suddenly, Zoey threw down the arugula she was holding (and got an angry stare from one of the grocery stockers) and said, “She didn’t mention this to me at work. There weren’t even any signs that it was this bad. She’s been ‘off’ ever since the miscarriage but –"

I gave her a hug, “Anna likes to deal with things alone, you know that. I mean, her going to a marriage counselor was difficult enough. She’s an introverted person.”

“We’re her best friends Faith! When would be a better time to have your friends around than when your marriage is dissolving?”

“Anna’s marriage isn’t our business, Zoey. If she didn’t want to talk about it with us, there’s a reason.”

“I just feel like she won’t let us care about her. She doesn’t let us into her life…ever.”

I had to agree. Anna was a close friend of mine but I knew very little about her. She wasn’t someone who talked a lot about herself and when she did it was very humble, almost lacking confidence.

“Every time I see her it seems that she’s recovering from some traumatic event!” Zoey said picking up a box of pasta and eyeing it with disgust.

“That’s not true, Zoey. I can still remember when Anna was happy. She’s there, she’s just dealing with some things that I don’t think either one of us can understand right now. I mean, we’re not married, we don’t know what it’s like to lose a baby the way that Anna did-"

“I do.”

I eyed Zoey with a clump of tomatoes in either hand.

“What?”

“I was in college, got pregnant, decided to keep it, and then had a miscarriage. I felt guilty for a long time but it happened…like three years ago. It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever experienced.”

I was shocked. Zoey is my closest friend…I couldn’t believe she wouldn’t tell me about something like that.

“Three years ago….? We were roommates!” I couldn’t contain myself, I was offended.

“I had the miscarriage while I was home for Christmas break, you weren’t there, by the time I came back to school, it was already over and I was dealing with it.”

“Does…does Henry (the guy she was dating at the time) know?”

“No. Why would I have told him? I know you always liked him for me Faith, but the truth is he was a shitty boyfriend.”

I was in awe, “Why did you never tell me this? How can you stand there and say Anna should let us into her life more when you didn’t even let me into your life when you went through the same thing!?”

Zoey was at a loss for words.

“I guess…maybe I realize just how damaging it can be when you don’t tell the people who care about you about the really hard stuff in your life…” She trailed off and looked guilty.

I put the tomatoes down and looked at the cart, “We should buy a pizza. I don’t feel like cooking.”

Zoey looked up at me with a thankful look and we abandoned the cart for a greasy pizza place across the street.



“Pizza’s here!” Zoey said as she walked through the door.

The four of us sat in Anna’s living room devouring the pizza and just being there. Anna said very little but I did see her give me a very small smile after Zoey and Elise fell asleep. Instead of dancing we ended up sleeping on Anna’s floor watching re-runs of Criminal Minds.