I was sitting on Sean’s couch while he washed dishes in his kitchen after making me dinner.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” I asked setting down my wine glass.
“Yeah, just relax. I don’t want you to lift a finger, besides I’m almost done. This’ll be so much easier once my dishwasher is fixed.”
After a few minutes, Sean sat on the couch and we started making out. He was nuzzling my neck when I realized that this wasn’t going to go where I wanted it to, so I pulled away to spare Sean from having to stop me before we got too far into it.
“There’s supposed to be a Lord of the Rings marathon on tonight, let’s watch it.” I said reaching for the remote control and scanning through the channels to find the right one.
A look of confusion and questioning flashed across Sean’s eyes but he let it go and turned towards the television to watch the first movie. About twenty minutes later, Sean started putting the moves on me again.
“Oh, look Gandalf is about to die.” I said gently wiggling out of his grasp.
Sean eyed me suspiciously and grabbed the remote. He turned off the television.
“Is there anything you want to talk to me about?” He asked, holding the remote for ransom.
“No, can you turn the television back on?”
“I will if we can make out during the movie.”
I tried to snatch the remote from him but ended up straddling him just as he threw the remote into a chair across the room and held me close to him.
“Sean…what are you doing?”
“I’m trying to have fun with my girlfriend. Why are you resisting? I thought you wanted to be more physical…”
“Can you let me go, please?” I asked, suddenly aware of how close we were.
Sean relented and I sat next to him on the couch staring at the dark television. We were in an awkward silence and I was trying to figure out what to say to Sean.
“Faith-“
“Look,” I said turning at the sound of his voice, “I do want to be more physical with you but I can’t fool around with you and then get all hot and bothered when I know it’s not going to go anywhere. It’s kind of the same thing as blue balls. And when I push you to go farther than what you’re comfortable with, I feel like a horrible person afterward.”
Sean looked at me with shock and was quiet for a long time. I started crying when the silence stretched on.
“Maybe I should just go.” I went to get up and Sean grabbed my hand, pulled me into his lap, and wiped away one of the tears that had trailed down my cheek.
“Faith, I don’t want you to feel like you’re a bad person. I can go take a pill and be ready to go in a few minutes, if that’s what you want.”
“No! Now that you’ve told me about everything it’s going to make having sex even more confusing. Every time we have sex I’m going to wonder ‘does this mean he loves me or is he on something’. And you don’t want to take the pills, Sean, I don’t want you to take something if you don’t want to, this is about your health, not me. I don’t need sex, Sean, but I can’t be taken on a roller coaster ride every time you kiss me.”
“How about this…how about I give you my pills and you can do what you want with them. Flush them, carry them with you, give them to me to use, whatever. And we won’t try to wait anymore.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“I mean that if things start going in the sex direction I won’t stop it and if I rise to the occasion, then whatever. I know I’m not in love with you right now, but I’ve had sex with you unaided once before, maybe magic will strike twice.”
“Are you serious. What about waiting?”
“I told you…that was just a cover to hide my problem from you. I think we’ve waited enough. If you don’t want me to use the pills then we can still try to get things to a more intimate level without them, why not, right?”
I hugged Sean and gave him a deep kiss. He broke and grabbed my hand to lead me into his bathroom. Sean handed me a brown prescription bottle with blue pills inside.
“These are my pills, they’re yours now.”I held the bottle in my hand and looked at it for a long time.
When I looked up at Sean I knew what I wanted to do with the pills. I popped the lid off and walked towards Sean who held his hand out for a pill. He was confused when I walked right past him, when he turned around he saw the last of the pills falling into the toilet as I pushed the handle down. Sean smiled at me and gave me a hug. We fell asleep during the Lord of the Rings marathon and didn’t come close to having sex, but both of us are happy now and I think we’re closer than we’ve ever been.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Meet the Press
Today was my first real day of work. We have an actual writing and office staff, now. We have three assistant editors that help Veronica: Sara, Connie, and Greg. They help her set deadlines, make sure the deadlines are met, help decide which stories to go where, and who gets assigned each story.
In addition to them, we have our proofreaders: Jenna, Renee, Callie, Frank, and Toby. Each writing section of the paper is assigned an assistant editor and at least two proofreaders. Greg is in charge of sports and crime with Jenna and Callie working as proofreaders while Sara is in charge of the gossip columns and political cartoons with Renee, and Frank. Finally, Connie is in charge of the front page and the politics section which is proofread by Toby, Renee, and Frank. Our goal is to increase the sections of the paper once we build a subscription base and get a feel for what they want to see more or less of. We’ll probably be hiring a few more writers once we get a substantial audience and get into the swing of things.
Our writing staff includes 2 sports writers: Matt and Dennis, 2 gossip columnists: Jenny and Tom, 2 crime reporters: Stormy and Becky, 2 political writers: Mariah and Riley, and one cartoonist: Jeff. They’re all very different people but seem to fit really well together. Almost all of them were inside hires, the only people who weren’t are Matt, Tom, and Jeff.
Stormy acts like a big shot, he’s the only person who works for the new station the paper is tied with as an on-air personality. He’s the male anchor and because of his busy schedule while shooting he has two researchers who help him, and the rest of the staff, compile information, but they mostly help him.
Our researchers are Samantha and Charlie (Charlie is a woman) and they help make up the rest of the office staff: Steve (my assistant), Rose (Veronica’s assistant), Analie and Lisa (two floor secretaries who answer calls, maintain our website and subscription base, greet clients, etc.)
I got into the office today and visited with Veronica before our big orientation day.
“I got the bistro on the first floor to cater our brunch today, they’re going to be here in about 20 minutes.” I said popping my head in.
“Excellent, I’ll have them set up in the bigger conference room. But first, we need to talk about your first assignment.”
I walked into Veronica’s office and sat in front of her desk waiting for her to begin.
“Since this a new endeavor and we now have employees, we need to start making some guidelines for working here. You know the kind of stuff I’m talking about: dating policies, payment FAQs, things that can get you fired.”
“Okay, is there a policy handbook that you’d like me to base it off of? Maybe the station has one I can look at?”
“Well, we’re trying to revamp the station policies as well, so what you come up with will most likely be adopted for the station as well. I can give you some handbooks from the past few years, though. They’re quite the mess. Our previous HR staff was not as…efficient as you are and I think you’ll do just fine with this. I can give you two of our interns to help you. They’ll be here in two weeks after their summer courses end.”
“Okay, just stick them in my mailbox or give it to Steve when you have them. The handbooks… not the interns.” I giggled.
After that Veronica and I set up one of the conference rooms with brunch and began greeting our new employees. It was a long day of orientation but I think we’ll start getting into the groove of things fairly quickly since everyone we hired has had experience writing for a newspaper. Story assignments are going to start tomorrow and I’ll finally be able to meet Steve, my assistant (he had a wedding to go to that Veronica and I both knew about ahead of time, so it’s not like he just didn’t show up, Veronica has been working with him and Rose since I was hired, so they didn’t need to be at the orientation anyway).
In addition to them, we have our proofreaders: Jenna, Renee, Callie, Frank, and Toby. Each writing section of the paper is assigned an assistant editor and at least two proofreaders. Greg is in charge of sports and crime with Jenna and Callie working as proofreaders while Sara is in charge of the gossip columns and political cartoons with Renee, and Frank. Finally, Connie is in charge of the front page and the politics section which is proofread by Toby, Renee, and Frank. Our goal is to increase the sections of the paper once we build a subscription base and get a feel for what they want to see more or less of. We’ll probably be hiring a few more writers once we get a substantial audience and get into the swing of things.
Our writing staff includes 2 sports writers: Matt and Dennis, 2 gossip columnists: Jenny and Tom, 2 crime reporters: Stormy and Becky, 2 political writers: Mariah and Riley, and one cartoonist: Jeff. They’re all very different people but seem to fit really well together. Almost all of them were inside hires, the only people who weren’t are Matt, Tom, and Jeff.
Stormy acts like a big shot, he’s the only person who works for the new station the paper is tied with as an on-air personality. He’s the male anchor and because of his busy schedule while shooting he has two researchers who help him, and the rest of the staff, compile information, but they mostly help him.
Our researchers are Samantha and Charlie (Charlie is a woman) and they help make up the rest of the office staff: Steve (my assistant), Rose (Veronica’s assistant), Analie and Lisa (two floor secretaries who answer calls, maintain our website and subscription base, greet clients, etc.)
I got into the office today and visited with Veronica before our big orientation day.
“I got the bistro on the first floor to cater our brunch today, they’re going to be here in about 20 minutes.” I said popping my head in.
“Excellent, I’ll have them set up in the bigger conference room. But first, we need to talk about your first assignment.”
I walked into Veronica’s office and sat in front of her desk waiting for her to begin.
“Since this a new endeavor and we now have employees, we need to start making some guidelines for working here. You know the kind of stuff I’m talking about: dating policies, payment FAQs, things that can get you fired.”
“Okay, is there a policy handbook that you’d like me to base it off of? Maybe the station has one I can look at?”
“Well, we’re trying to revamp the station policies as well, so what you come up with will most likely be adopted for the station as well. I can give you some handbooks from the past few years, though. They’re quite the mess. Our previous HR staff was not as…efficient as you are and I think you’ll do just fine with this. I can give you two of our interns to help you. They’ll be here in two weeks after their summer courses end.”
“Okay, just stick them in my mailbox or give it to Steve when you have them. The handbooks… not the interns.” I giggled.
After that Veronica and I set up one of the conference rooms with brunch and began greeting our new employees. It was a long day of orientation but I think we’ll start getting into the groove of things fairly quickly since everyone we hired has had experience writing for a newspaper. Story assignments are going to start tomorrow and I’ll finally be able to meet Steve, my assistant (he had a wedding to go to that Veronica and I both knew about ahead of time, so it’s not like he just didn’t show up, Veronica has been working with him and Rose since I was hired, so they didn’t need to be at the orientation anyway).
Monday, July 26, 2010
Fixed
“So…it’s fine. Just like that?” Zoey gave me a side-eye while I stopped to flip through a clearance rack.
“Yep. Looks that way.”
“So how was it?”
“How was what?”
“The sex. That was the only thing that could have fixed it so easily.”
“We didn’t have sex.” I mumbled and quickly moved on to a rack by the fitting rooms. Zoey chased after me on my heels.
“How did the problem suddenly get fixed then?”
“Well, it wasn’t because my lovely friends were able to keep their mouths shut during a simple dinner, if that’s what you wanted to know.”
“Come on Faith, we said we were sorry. We didn’t mean to….it just slipped out.”
I sighed and grabbed a few dresses to try on before heading to the fitting rooms. Before I reached them, I stopped and piled some dresses on to Zoey’s empty arms, too.
“These will look good on you try them on. I know you guys are sorry, but after the fiasco at the restaurant…I have a feeling I won’t be telling you guys anything else about my sex life for a very long time.”
Zoey was pretty pouty for about fifteen minutes before trying to ask me about my sudden change of heart regarding the lack of sex in my life.
“Faith…if you guys didn’t have sex, does that mean you’re still waiting indefinitely or just waiting for the right moment?”
“Zoey, what do you want me to say? Sean and I talked about it and we’re on the same page now. We weren’t before and now we are and I have agreed to wait…indefinitely.”
I tried to keep the gloom out of my voice when I reached the end of that sentence but it was pretty apparent. We left the store and headed to a deli where we bought sandwiches to sneak into the movie theatre with us.
“Faith….if you guys are on the same page…why do you still seem sad about it?”
“Because…after talking to Sean, there’s really nothing I can do but wait. His reasons for holding off are valid and if I try to continue to push the issue with him it will seriously hurt our relationship. I don’t know why I’m being such a horrible girlfriend about this, though. If a boyfriend was trying to push sex on me as much as I am with Sean, I would have kicked him to the curb weeks ago. At the same time….I need to have sex, Zoey. I’m in a relationship with an amazing guy and have a great job and great friends, even if they are loud-mouths…but absolutely no sex.”
“Can’t you just….self-serve?” Zoey asked after sitting down in the theatre.
“It’s not the same…and it makes me feel bad because I have to think about other people when I do.”
“Why?”
“Because when I think about Sean, I think about how little sex we have and how sad it makes me.”
“But everyone thinks about other people, Faith. For example, I think about Robert Downey Junior.”
“Zoey…I’m not thinking about famous people….I’m thinking about ex-boyfriends. The last few times, I haven’t been able to get Kevin out of my mind. It makes me feel like I’m cheating on Sean or that I’m not over Kevin.”
“Well…are you over Kevin?”
“Yeah. I really am, but one thing we never had a problem with was sex.”
“Maybe you should try watching something instead.”
The movie started at that point and we started munching on our sandwiches. I had a hard time focusing on the movie though, because of all the guilt I’m carrying around about masturbating to memories of Kevin. It started a few days before Sean told me about his inability to perform and his confession didn’t really do much to make me feel less guilty. I don’t think telling Sean will help our relationship or make me feel less guilty.
“Yep. Looks that way.”
“So how was it?”
“How was what?”
“The sex. That was the only thing that could have fixed it so easily.”
“We didn’t have sex.” I mumbled and quickly moved on to a rack by the fitting rooms. Zoey chased after me on my heels.
“How did the problem suddenly get fixed then?”
“Well, it wasn’t because my lovely friends were able to keep their mouths shut during a simple dinner, if that’s what you wanted to know.”
“Come on Faith, we said we were sorry. We didn’t mean to….it just slipped out.”
I sighed and grabbed a few dresses to try on before heading to the fitting rooms. Before I reached them, I stopped and piled some dresses on to Zoey’s empty arms, too.
“These will look good on you try them on. I know you guys are sorry, but after the fiasco at the restaurant…I have a feeling I won’t be telling you guys anything else about my sex life for a very long time.”
Zoey was pretty pouty for about fifteen minutes before trying to ask me about my sudden change of heart regarding the lack of sex in my life.
“Faith…if you guys didn’t have sex, does that mean you’re still waiting indefinitely or just waiting for the right moment?”
“Zoey, what do you want me to say? Sean and I talked about it and we’re on the same page now. We weren’t before and now we are and I have agreed to wait…indefinitely.”
I tried to keep the gloom out of my voice when I reached the end of that sentence but it was pretty apparent. We left the store and headed to a deli where we bought sandwiches to sneak into the movie theatre with us.
“Faith….if you guys are on the same page…why do you still seem sad about it?”
“Because…after talking to Sean, there’s really nothing I can do but wait. His reasons for holding off are valid and if I try to continue to push the issue with him it will seriously hurt our relationship. I don’t know why I’m being such a horrible girlfriend about this, though. If a boyfriend was trying to push sex on me as much as I am with Sean, I would have kicked him to the curb weeks ago. At the same time….I need to have sex, Zoey. I’m in a relationship with an amazing guy and have a great job and great friends, even if they are loud-mouths…but absolutely no sex.”
“Can’t you just….self-serve?” Zoey asked after sitting down in the theatre.
“It’s not the same…and it makes me feel bad because I have to think about other people when I do.”
“Why?”
“Because when I think about Sean, I think about how little sex we have and how sad it makes me.”
“But everyone thinks about other people, Faith. For example, I think about Robert Downey Junior.”
“Zoey…I’m not thinking about famous people….I’m thinking about ex-boyfriends. The last few times, I haven’t been able to get Kevin out of my mind. It makes me feel like I’m cheating on Sean or that I’m not over Kevin.”
“Well…are you over Kevin?”
“Yeah. I really am, but one thing we never had a problem with was sex.”
“Maybe you should try watching something instead.”
The movie started at that point and we started munching on our sandwiches. I had a hard time focusing on the movie though, because of all the guilt I’m carrying around about masturbating to memories of Kevin. It started a few days before Sean told me about his inability to perform and his confession didn’t really do much to make me feel less guilty. I don’t think telling Sean will help our relationship or make me feel less guilty.
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Woes of Sean
I was sitting at home after work playing with Murphy when my phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey, wanna go do something?” It was Sean; I smiled out of relief that he didn’t hate me and finally called.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked tossing a feather toy across the room followed by a black and white streak that followed after it (Murphy has certainly gotten a whole bunch of energy now that he’s completely off his meds).
“Drinks, maybe dinner.”
“Sounds good, where were you thinking?”
Sean gave me the address to this appetizer bar about 20 minutes from my apartment and I told him I’d meet him there in an hour. Throwing open my closet to find a decent outfit; I started clawing through my clothes in search of something that would guarantee getting Sean into bed and settled on a tight black and red dress. It had a red bustier top overlaid with a see-through lacy black fabric. The bottom was super tight and made my ass look fabulous; it was black and had red streaks swirling around to make an interesting pattern. I chose a pair of strappy, sexy heels, put my hair up into a classy bun, and topped the outfit off with a silver necklace that dropped into my cleavage perfectly. I was out the door in about 35 minutes.
“Whoa. Is it my birthday?” Sean twirled me around and took in every inch of my body when I approached him in front of the restaurant. He was wearing a light brown casual blazer over a white shirt and dark jeans and his hair was wavy and impeccable, I couldn’t wait to put my fingers through it later after seducing him.
We were seated at a booth and ordered a bunch of different appetizers: the ever classy fried mozzarella, potato skins, an onion blossom, and garlic bread. I got a chocolatini and a water while Sean ordered a gin and tonic. The restaurant we went to was definitely better known for its drinks than its appetizers because my drink came with a candied orchid for garnish and Sean’s was made with a special food coloring that made it glow.
“That’s so cool,” I said, amazed at his drink, “Does it make it taste any different?”
“No…I don’t think so, it tastes the same to me.”
We had devoured the appetizers when I noticed Sean was finishing off his fourth gin and tonic (I had barely started on my second martini).
“Sean, is something wrong?”
“No, why would you think that?”
“I’ve never seen you drink this much and you've been kind of quiet.”
“I’m just having a good time. I’m with the prettiest lady in here and all the guys who are checking you out are looking at me like I’m a loser, but I’m having a good time and I know I’m in here with the most gorgeous woman alive, so it’s fine.”
I eyed Sean, he was purposely getting drunk and talking nonsense, “Maybe you should order a water, next….”
“I’m fine, Faith. Do you want to get out of here?” Sean gave me a wink and waived the waiter over to pay the bill. Even though Sean was pretty buzzed I was excited to take him back to my apartment and put the moves on him. In fact, as soon as I opened the door Sean started kissing me and backing me up into my bedroom.
I pushed him onto my bed and straddled him while he took off his jacket. In one hand movement I unraveled my bun and started kissing his neck. He kicked his shoes off and started unzipping the back of my dress while I worked off my shoes and started putting my hands under his shirt. As soon as his shirt was off he rolled over so that I was under him and he started slowly moving his hands up my thighs while kissing my collarbone.
Suddenly, Sean stood up.
“I can’t do this, I need to go, can I get my jacket, it’s under you.”
I started pounding on the bed with my fists and threw, what basically boiled down to, a temper tantrum, “No, no, no, no, no! You can do this, we’ve done this before,” I reached out and started to pull him on top of me again, I could tell he was fighting it. Before anything else could happen he rolled off of me and landed on the other side of me. We were both staring up at my ceiling, breathless.
“I don’t understand, Sean. Are you not attracted to me anymore?”
“No….How could I not be attracted to you. You looked as hot as I’ve ever seen you tonight. It’s not you, Faith.”
“Do you have herpes, then?”
“What?!” Sean sat up on the bed and looked at me, “How could you possibly think that? Don’t you think I would have told you I had an incurable STD before sleeping with you for two and a half months?”
“Then what is it Sean? Why won’t you have sex with me?”
“I want to wait-”
“Sean that was in the beginning. We’ve been dating for a month now and you know as well as I do that our relationship is at the point where we need to have sex for more intimacy. I know you can feel the rift that’s growing because you’ve restricted being physical, I know I’m not imagining it.” Sean sighed and put his head in his hands. I scooted over to him and put one arm around his bare shoulders and another on his leg, “Please talk to me Sean.”
“The night we met…was amazing. It was the first time I ever….”
“You weren’t a virgin…?”
“No!” Sean dropped his hands and looked at me.
“Okay, keep going.”
“Look, Faith….I can’t usually….perform… for women I’m not in love with.”
“What are you talking about? We were having sex for two months before we stopped.”
“I always knew when you were coming over then…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“We’ve only ever had sex when I was on something…to help me get it up. Except the night we met, that was something I’ve never had happen before. Usually my body just won’t work with someone I don’t love. I can’t explain it. I didn’t want you to know that I’ve been using drugs to sleep with you because I thought it might hurt your feelings and because I don’t like taking them, so I thought if I said we should hold off on having sex it would give me some time to maybe….”
“Fall in love with me?”
“Yeah.”
I gave Sean a hug and when we ended it I put my hand on Sean’s face to make him look at me, “Thank you for telling me this. If you don’t want to use the drugs then we don’t need to have sex, okay? I just needed to know why. It doesn’t bother me if a guy has to use something to help him out, but it’s pretty clear it bothers you, so we’ll wait, okay?”
Sean nodded and gave me another hug; he was pretty upset about the whole thing.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. It’s just….so embarrassing for me. I mean… I’m supposed to be this super awesome rock star guitarist and I can’t even please a woman without using Viagra.”
“Sean, it’s okay, really. Now, do you want me to make you some coffee?”
Sean nodded and I left him alone for awhile while I brewed some coffee and I think I heard him crying in my bedroom while I washed up some fruit for us to eat. I knocked on the door when everything was ready and told Sean to meet me in the living room. We sat down and watched a late-night movie marathon on television and snuggled on the couch with Murphy in my lap. Sean seemed really happy for the rest of the night and we eventually fell asleep on my couch.
When I woke up in the morning, Sean was nowhere to be found, so I decided to take a shower and get ready to run a bunch of errands for the day (grocery shopping, finally). As I was walking out of the shower and into my bedroom Sean walked in the door with fresh donuts and fruit smoothies. It was a really nice thing for him to do but he scared the crap out of me. I feel better now that Sean has put everything out on the table, I know it was really hard for him to tell me about his…problem, but I feel more invested now that’s he’s confided in me. The feelings I had for Sean that were starting to disappear are stronger now than ever.
Before he left Sean asked me something:
“Hey Faith, can you not tell your friends about this. It’s hard enough for me just knowing that you know.”
“I understand; I won’t talk to anyone about it unless it’s you.” I said giving him a kiss as he left.
“Hello?”
“Hey, wanna go do something?” It was Sean; I smiled out of relief that he didn’t hate me and finally called.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked tossing a feather toy across the room followed by a black and white streak that followed after it (Murphy has certainly gotten a whole bunch of energy now that he’s completely off his meds).
“Drinks, maybe dinner.”
“Sounds good, where were you thinking?”
Sean gave me the address to this appetizer bar about 20 minutes from my apartment and I told him I’d meet him there in an hour. Throwing open my closet to find a decent outfit; I started clawing through my clothes in search of something that would guarantee getting Sean into bed and settled on a tight black and red dress. It had a red bustier top overlaid with a see-through lacy black fabric. The bottom was super tight and made my ass look fabulous; it was black and had red streaks swirling around to make an interesting pattern. I chose a pair of strappy, sexy heels, put my hair up into a classy bun, and topped the outfit off with a silver necklace that dropped into my cleavage perfectly. I was out the door in about 35 minutes.
“Whoa. Is it my birthday?” Sean twirled me around and took in every inch of my body when I approached him in front of the restaurant. He was wearing a light brown casual blazer over a white shirt and dark jeans and his hair was wavy and impeccable, I couldn’t wait to put my fingers through it later after seducing him.
We were seated at a booth and ordered a bunch of different appetizers: the ever classy fried mozzarella, potato skins, an onion blossom, and garlic bread. I got a chocolatini and a water while Sean ordered a gin and tonic. The restaurant we went to was definitely better known for its drinks than its appetizers because my drink came with a candied orchid for garnish and Sean’s was made with a special food coloring that made it glow.
“That’s so cool,” I said, amazed at his drink, “Does it make it taste any different?”
“No…I don’t think so, it tastes the same to me.”
We had devoured the appetizers when I noticed Sean was finishing off his fourth gin and tonic (I had barely started on my second martini).
“Sean, is something wrong?”
“No, why would you think that?”
“I’ve never seen you drink this much and you've been kind of quiet.”
“I’m just having a good time. I’m with the prettiest lady in here and all the guys who are checking you out are looking at me like I’m a loser, but I’m having a good time and I know I’m in here with the most gorgeous woman alive, so it’s fine.”
I eyed Sean, he was purposely getting drunk and talking nonsense, “Maybe you should order a water, next….”
“I’m fine, Faith. Do you want to get out of here?” Sean gave me a wink and waived the waiter over to pay the bill. Even though Sean was pretty buzzed I was excited to take him back to my apartment and put the moves on him. In fact, as soon as I opened the door Sean started kissing me and backing me up into my bedroom.
I pushed him onto my bed and straddled him while he took off his jacket. In one hand movement I unraveled my bun and started kissing his neck. He kicked his shoes off and started unzipping the back of my dress while I worked off my shoes and started putting my hands under his shirt. As soon as his shirt was off he rolled over so that I was under him and he started slowly moving his hands up my thighs while kissing my collarbone.
Suddenly, Sean stood up.
“I can’t do this, I need to go, can I get my jacket, it’s under you.”
I started pounding on the bed with my fists and threw, what basically boiled down to, a temper tantrum, “No, no, no, no, no! You can do this, we’ve done this before,” I reached out and started to pull him on top of me again, I could tell he was fighting it. Before anything else could happen he rolled off of me and landed on the other side of me. We were both staring up at my ceiling, breathless.
“I don’t understand, Sean. Are you not attracted to me anymore?”
“No….How could I not be attracted to you. You looked as hot as I’ve ever seen you tonight. It’s not you, Faith.”
“Do you have herpes, then?”
“What?!” Sean sat up on the bed and looked at me, “How could you possibly think that? Don’t you think I would have told you I had an incurable STD before sleeping with you for two and a half months?”
“Then what is it Sean? Why won’t you have sex with me?”
“I want to wait-”
“Sean that was in the beginning. We’ve been dating for a month now and you know as well as I do that our relationship is at the point where we need to have sex for more intimacy. I know you can feel the rift that’s growing because you’ve restricted being physical, I know I’m not imagining it.” Sean sighed and put his head in his hands. I scooted over to him and put one arm around his bare shoulders and another on his leg, “Please talk to me Sean.”
“The night we met…was amazing. It was the first time I ever….”
“You weren’t a virgin…?”
“No!” Sean dropped his hands and looked at me.
“Okay, keep going.”
“Look, Faith….I can’t usually….perform… for women I’m not in love with.”
“What are you talking about? We were having sex for two months before we stopped.”
“I always knew when you were coming over then…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“We’ve only ever had sex when I was on something…to help me get it up. Except the night we met, that was something I’ve never had happen before. Usually my body just won’t work with someone I don’t love. I can’t explain it. I didn’t want you to know that I’ve been using drugs to sleep with you because I thought it might hurt your feelings and because I don’t like taking them, so I thought if I said we should hold off on having sex it would give me some time to maybe….”
“Fall in love with me?”
“Yeah.”
I gave Sean a hug and when we ended it I put my hand on Sean’s face to make him look at me, “Thank you for telling me this. If you don’t want to use the drugs then we don’t need to have sex, okay? I just needed to know why. It doesn’t bother me if a guy has to use something to help him out, but it’s pretty clear it bothers you, so we’ll wait, okay?”
Sean nodded and gave me another hug; he was pretty upset about the whole thing.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. It’s just….so embarrassing for me. I mean… I’m supposed to be this super awesome rock star guitarist and I can’t even please a woman without using Viagra.”
“Sean, it’s okay, really. Now, do you want me to make you some coffee?”
Sean nodded and I left him alone for awhile while I brewed some coffee and I think I heard him crying in my bedroom while I washed up some fruit for us to eat. I knocked on the door when everything was ready and told Sean to meet me in the living room. We sat down and watched a late-night movie marathon on television and snuggled on the couch with Murphy in my lap. Sean seemed really happy for the rest of the night and we eventually fell asleep on my couch.
When I woke up in the morning, Sean was nowhere to be found, so I decided to take a shower and get ready to run a bunch of errands for the day (grocery shopping, finally). As I was walking out of the shower and into my bedroom Sean walked in the door with fresh donuts and fruit smoothies. It was a really nice thing for him to do but he scared the crap out of me. I feel better now that Sean has put everything out on the table, I know it was really hard for him to tell me about his…problem, but I feel more invested now that’s he’s confided in me. The feelings I had for Sean that were starting to disappear are stronger now than ever.
Before he left Sean asked me something:
“Hey Faith, can you not tell your friends about this. It’s hard enough for me just knowing that you know.”
“I understand; I won’t talk to anyone about it unless it’s you.” I said giving him a kiss as he left.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Let's Address It
I got a phone call from my brother today. When I saw the caller ID I didn’t really want to answer it, but he’s in combat training and I’m not such a bitch that I will refuse a phone call from someone I might not ever see again.
“Hey! I miss you! How are you? How’s the new job?” He was really cheerful and I felt a twinge of guilt for silently being mad about him for the address debacle.
“I miss you too, the new job is pretty sweet. My office is like the Taj Mahal. I have an entire wall of windows.”
“Well you deserve it, anyone who doesn’t hire you are jerks.” I suddenly became suspicious; my brother isn’t the type of person to shower me with compliments.
“What do you want?” I asked incredulously.
“I just have a quick question.”
“Okay….”
“Did you get me that video game and do you like Shannon?”
“One, that was two questions, two I did get you that game but ended up taking it back to the store after I found out that you had an address and hadn’t told any of your family members about it, and three, no I do not like Shannon.” I may have lied a little bit in this part of the conversation….I was going to take the video game back….but I ended up downloading it on to my computer and playing it instead.
“How did you know I had an address?”
“I got an angry, hysterical phone call from mom about it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Do you think she likes the fact that the only way to know anything about your life is by trolling your facebook page? Do you think I like finding out things like this on facebook?”
“Well, dad knew my address.”
“He didn’t tell anyone else, it seems. Is it too much to ask that I be given contact information for my own family members? What’s next? Are you going to change your phone number so I can find that out on facebook too?”
“I think you need to calm down. Shannon and I are dating-“
“She’s almost ten years older than you and yes, I did know that….facebook’s funny like that isn’t it?”
“Well I like her and I want you to like her.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?”
“Because, Justin, when she breaks your heart while you’re on your deployment, I’m going to be the one that sends you cookies and tries to make you feel better so you don’t get distracted and end up doing something stupid. She’ll be gone in a few months just like all the others.”
“I appreciate that you don’t want me to get hurt, but it would mean a lot to me if you would try to like her.”
“She talks down to me like a parent, because she’s ten years older than me and thinks she can, she thinks we’re friends, but I was being polite when she talks to me on IM. And she knows how I’ve felt about your girlfriends in the past, she knows I didn’t like them and she knows my opinion isn’t going to change because she’s suddenly the girlfriend.”
“Can you try, at least?”
“What do you want me to do? She’s on the east coast. Fly out there and have a slumber party?”
My brother sighed and I could tell he was struggling to not come off as incredibly angry even though he was.
“Did you really take the game back?”
“…Maybe.”
“When you finish beating it can you send it to me?”
“…fine.”
He had to go shortly after our conversation and I was struck with a wave of guilt. I think I made him feel bad for not wanting to be friends with Shannon but I can’t help the way I feel. This whole situation is weird. My brother has never cared about my opinion when it comes to his girlfriends, I mean, he always knew I didn’t like them. I’ve called them names to their faces, but this was the first time he actually cared about what I thought. I just can’t support my brother being in a relationship with someone almost ten years older than him, who’s already been married, and doesn’t support the fact that he’s in the military.
Ugh! I’m going to play my video game. I’m a cloud of angry guilt feelings right now. By the way, Sean hasn't called me since our experience at the pizza place.
“Hey! I miss you! How are you? How’s the new job?” He was really cheerful and I felt a twinge of guilt for silently being mad about him for the address debacle.
“I miss you too, the new job is pretty sweet. My office is like the Taj Mahal. I have an entire wall of windows.”
“Well you deserve it, anyone who doesn’t hire you are jerks.” I suddenly became suspicious; my brother isn’t the type of person to shower me with compliments.
“What do you want?” I asked incredulously.
“I just have a quick question.”
“Okay….”
“Did you get me that video game and do you like Shannon?”
“One, that was two questions, two I did get you that game but ended up taking it back to the store after I found out that you had an address and hadn’t told any of your family members about it, and three, no I do not like Shannon.” I may have lied a little bit in this part of the conversation….I was going to take the video game back….but I ended up downloading it on to my computer and playing it instead.
“How did you know I had an address?”
“I got an angry, hysterical phone call from mom about it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Do you think she likes the fact that the only way to know anything about your life is by trolling your facebook page? Do you think I like finding out things like this on facebook?”
“Well, dad knew my address.”
“He didn’t tell anyone else, it seems. Is it too much to ask that I be given contact information for my own family members? What’s next? Are you going to change your phone number so I can find that out on facebook too?”
“I think you need to calm down. Shannon and I are dating-“
“She’s almost ten years older than you and yes, I did know that….facebook’s funny like that isn’t it?”
“Well I like her and I want you to like her.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?”
“Because, Justin, when she breaks your heart while you’re on your deployment, I’m going to be the one that sends you cookies and tries to make you feel better so you don’t get distracted and end up doing something stupid. She’ll be gone in a few months just like all the others.”
“I appreciate that you don’t want me to get hurt, but it would mean a lot to me if you would try to like her.”
“She talks down to me like a parent, because she’s ten years older than me and thinks she can, she thinks we’re friends, but I was being polite when she talks to me on IM. And she knows how I’ve felt about your girlfriends in the past, she knows I didn’t like them and she knows my opinion isn’t going to change because she’s suddenly the girlfriend.”
“Can you try, at least?”
“What do you want me to do? She’s on the east coast. Fly out there and have a slumber party?”
My brother sighed and I could tell he was struggling to not come off as incredibly angry even though he was.
“Did you really take the game back?”
“…Maybe.”
“When you finish beating it can you send it to me?”
“…fine.”
He had to go shortly after our conversation and I was struck with a wave of guilt. I think I made him feel bad for not wanting to be friends with Shannon but I can’t help the way I feel. This whole situation is weird. My brother has never cared about my opinion when it comes to his girlfriends, I mean, he always knew I didn’t like them. I’ve called them names to their faces, but this was the first time he actually cared about what I thought. I just can’t support my brother being in a relationship with someone almost ten years older than him, who’s already been married, and doesn’t support the fact that he’s in the military.
Ugh! I’m going to play my video game. I’m a cloud of angry guilt feelings right now. By the way, Sean hasn't called me since our experience at the pizza place.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Pizza Panic
Veronica and I have finally completed all the interviews and have started narrowing down the people we will definitely be hiring for the writing positions. I feel like it’s taken a lot longer than it should have to get this far but I’m not sure where we lost track of time since we’ve both met our deadlines.
I was in a good mood about making progress at work and it carried over into my date with Sean and the girls. Since we decided to all meet at the pizza place I went home after work to change and then headed out for the night.
“Hey, you,” Sean was outside the pizza place and wrapped his arms around me to give me a kiss.
“Are the girls here yet?” I asked after breaking the kiss and started looking around.
“No, I put our name on the wait list, though, our table should be ready in a few minutes.”
Just then Zoey and Anna walked around the corner.
“Elise is running late,” Zoey said giving me a hug.
“Zoey, Anna, this is Sean….my boyfriend. Sean this is Anna and Zoey, Elise is on her way.” They all shook hands and made small talk.
Once we were seated and ordered drinks (I ordered a water for Elise in her absence) Anna and Zoey started having a conversation with Sean. I was pretty impressed at how easily they were able to talk to Sean and my mood was at an all time high….but it didn’t stay that way for long.
“So how have you been getting it up-” Anna asked Sean. She immediately covered her mouth, turned bright red and looked at three of us, who were stunned into silence and discomfort. “I meant…how have you been getting along with Murphy? He’s a rescue cat, so he’s probably not open to strangers, right, Faith?”
“He’s taken to Sean really well.” I said trying to move past the awkwardness.
“Yeah….he’s been really friendly and affectionate towards me. When Faith told me about how difficult he had it, I was really surprised how open he was to being near me.” I smiled at Sean as a thank you for not making Anna’s embarrassment worse.
“You’re a musician, right?” Zoey changed the subject which I was thankful for.
“Yeah I play the guitar in my band and I help write all of our songs.”
“So how has it been coming?” Zoey’s eyes got really big and she cleared her throat in embarrassment, “I mean how has writing your music been going lately?” Zoey was about as red as Anna, now.
“Uh…really well, we were dealing with some writing block awhile ago but it seems to have passed.” Sean gave me a questioning look from across the table when I kicked Zoey under the table.
Just then Elise showed up.
“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late.”
“Elise this is Sean, Sean this is Elise.”
Once Elise was settled, we ordered two pizzas to split between us and settled in to listen to Elise’s story on why she was late.
“This photo shoot took FOREVER. It was at least sex hours.”
In reaction to that, Anna started choking on her food and Sean had to pat her on the back to get her to stop, Zoey and I stared at Elise with our mouths hanging open while Elise tried to shrink into the booth.
“I mean six. Six hours….” Elise said before shoving her mouth full of pizza to keep herself from talking. I put my head in my hands at that point and counted down the minutes until I could just go home. Somehow we got through dinner with only a few more awkward slips from my friends.
“I’ll meet you guys outside; I’m going to pay the bill.” I said getting up from the table as quickly as I could.
Outside of the restaurant Sean was on the phone and I took advantage of the situation by talking to the girls while he was distracted.
“All of you will make an excuse to leave. Right now.” I hissed.
They nodded silently and looked like puppies with their tails between their legs as they tried to think of valid excuses. I walked over to Sean, who was still on the phone, and waited with him until he finished his conversation.
“Hey, Faith, I just got a text from Theo, I have to go. Our sink burst a pipe.” Anna came over and gave me a hug, “It was really nice to meet you Sean.”
Elise was next, “I have to go, I just realized that I have an appointment with my landlord about my broken showerhead. It was nice to meet you, Sean, I hope we’ll get to hang out again soon.”
“Bye, I’ll call you later.” I said after her.
And finally, Zoey, “You know, I really want to go watch you and your band play, Sean, but I have chronic migraines and I can feel one starting to come on, so it’s probably not a good idea for me to go listen to loud music right now. Sorry guys.”
And with that Sean and I were left in an awkward silence.
“So…….do you want start heading over, then?” Sean asked me after we stood on the sidewalk for two minutes in silence.
“You know, I’m not feeling very well after eating that pizza, I think I should go home.”
“Are you sure, I mean I told the guys you were coming and-“
“I know….I’ll make it up to you later okay? I just think I really need to go home right now.”
“Okay.” He gave me a kiss goodbye and I turned away to hail a cab.
“Hey Faith?” Sean went to open the cab door for me, “It’s okay that you talk to your friends about our sex life. I’m not mad or embarrassed.” And with that he shut the door and banged on the cab. He gave me a small smile and wave as the cab sped off.
I was in a good mood about making progress at work and it carried over into my date with Sean and the girls. Since we decided to all meet at the pizza place I went home after work to change and then headed out for the night.
“Hey, you,” Sean was outside the pizza place and wrapped his arms around me to give me a kiss.
“Are the girls here yet?” I asked after breaking the kiss and started looking around.
“No, I put our name on the wait list, though, our table should be ready in a few minutes.”
Just then Zoey and Anna walked around the corner.
“Elise is running late,” Zoey said giving me a hug.
“Zoey, Anna, this is Sean….my boyfriend. Sean this is Anna and Zoey, Elise is on her way.” They all shook hands and made small talk.
Once we were seated and ordered drinks (I ordered a water for Elise in her absence) Anna and Zoey started having a conversation with Sean. I was pretty impressed at how easily they were able to talk to Sean and my mood was at an all time high….but it didn’t stay that way for long.
“So how have you been getting it up-” Anna asked Sean. She immediately covered her mouth, turned bright red and looked at three of us, who were stunned into silence and discomfort. “I meant…how have you been getting along with Murphy? He’s a rescue cat, so he’s probably not open to strangers, right, Faith?”
“He’s taken to Sean really well.” I said trying to move past the awkwardness.
“Yeah….he’s been really friendly and affectionate towards me. When Faith told me about how difficult he had it, I was really surprised how open he was to being near me.” I smiled at Sean as a thank you for not making Anna’s embarrassment worse.
“You’re a musician, right?” Zoey changed the subject which I was thankful for.
“Yeah I play the guitar in my band and I help write all of our songs.”
“So how has it been coming?” Zoey’s eyes got really big and she cleared her throat in embarrassment, “I mean how has writing your music been going lately?” Zoey was about as red as Anna, now.
“Uh…really well, we were dealing with some writing block awhile ago but it seems to have passed.” Sean gave me a questioning look from across the table when I kicked Zoey under the table.
Just then Elise showed up.
“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late.”
“Elise this is Sean, Sean this is Elise.”
Once Elise was settled, we ordered two pizzas to split between us and settled in to listen to Elise’s story on why she was late.
“This photo shoot took FOREVER. It was at least sex hours.”
In reaction to that, Anna started choking on her food and Sean had to pat her on the back to get her to stop, Zoey and I stared at Elise with our mouths hanging open while Elise tried to shrink into the booth.
“I mean six. Six hours….” Elise said before shoving her mouth full of pizza to keep herself from talking. I put my head in my hands at that point and counted down the minutes until I could just go home. Somehow we got through dinner with only a few more awkward slips from my friends.
“I’ll meet you guys outside; I’m going to pay the bill.” I said getting up from the table as quickly as I could.
Outside of the restaurant Sean was on the phone and I took advantage of the situation by talking to the girls while he was distracted.
“All of you will make an excuse to leave. Right now.” I hissed.
They nodded silently and looked like puppies with their tails between their legs as they tried to think of valid excuses. I walked over to Sean, who was still on the phone, and waited with him until he finished his conversation.
“Hey, Faith, I just got a text from Theo, I have to go. Our sink burst a pipe.” Anna came over and gave me a hug, “It was really nice to meet you Sean.”
Elise was next, “I have to go, I just realized that I have an appointment with my landlord about my broken showerhead. It was nice to meet you, Sean, I hope we’ll get to hang out again soon.”
“Bye, I’ll call you later.” I said after her.
And finally, Zoey, “You know, I really want to go watch you and your band play, Sean, but I have chronic migraines and I can feel one starting to come on, so it’s probably not a good idea for me to go listen to loud music right now. Sorry guys.”
And with that Sean and I were left in an awkward silence.
“So…….do you want start heading over, then?” Sean asked me after we stood on the sidewalk for two minutes in silence.
“You know, I’m not feeling very well after eating that pizza, I think I should go home.”
“Are you sure, I mean I told the guys you were coming and-“
“I know….I’ll make it up to you later okay? I just think I really need to go home right now.”
“Okay.” He gave me a kiss goodbye and I turned away to hail a cab.
“Hey Faith?” Sean went to open the cab door for me, “It’s okay that you talk to your friends about our sex life. I’m not mad or embarrassed.” And with that he shut the door and banged on the cab. He gave me a small smile and wave as the cab sped off.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Hold The Phone
I took Elise’s advice and called Sean last night with a lot of hesitation. I didn’t really know what to say to him over the phone if he picked up but I felt like I needed to at least try to revisit the connection I’d felt we lost since we started dating.
“Hey.” I said wincing into the phone when I heard his voice.
“Hey… what’s up… is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is fine; I just thought I’d call you and see how your gigs have been going, if you miss Murphy yet, that kind of thing.”
Sean chuckled into the phone at the Murphy joke, “Yeah well everything is fine. We played a really great crowd in a bigger venue than any other place we’ve played in so that was cool. You know I think you should meet my friends, get to know them a little, I mean I’m with them when I’m not with you mostly…”
“That sounds like fun. How about the night you get back I treat you to pizza with my friends and then we can go see you play and meet your friends afterward?”
“You want me to meet your friends?” I could hear the smile in Sean’s voice and was, surprisingly, annoyed by it.
“Yeah, well they’ve been asking about you and I can only keep them at bay for so long.”
There was an awkward silence, neither one of us wanted to get into the sex thing over the phone. The silence was piercing and making me grimace, I could only imagine what Sean was feeling about it. Eventually he started talking.
“Have you ever….would you be interested in….do you ever have phone sex?” he stuttered, I could see him turning bright red and I suddenly started smiling.
“You know that won’t fix anything, right?”
“Yeah…but if you wanted….we could.” I thought about it and then heard Elise’s voice in my head urging me to try and find the connection I had felt before we started dating….
“I’ve never done it before, but we could try it….how do you…what do you say?”
“I guess you’re supposed to talk dirty and….uh….self-serve…”
We got really into it after a few minutes and when we eventually finished Sean said he missed me and eventually had to go. He should be home in a few more days and I really hope the phone sex made him want to have real sex with me. I’d be lying if I said that having phone sex made the connection strong and alive again, but it helped a little, I just….I feel like it only postponed my slide into complacency with Sean, rather than helped me get out of this funk entirely…I did appreciate his effort to make me happy, though.
“What kind of vibrator do you use?”
“Still no sex huh?” Zoey smirked over the phone.
“No! You could at least pretend to be unhappy with my crappy sex life. Lord knows I am about yours.”
“Gee, thanks. I use a rabbit, by the way, too high-end for you.”
“Zoey, what am I gonna do,” I sighed, “We just had phone sex and it was nice, but the whole time I was kind of pissed that Sean was willing to have sex with me as long as he didn’t have to touch or actually have sex with me.”
“Maybe he’s gay?” Zoey was kidding, but there was a hint of truthful inquiry, “Faith, you have to stop obsessing about this. Either dump him or get over it.”
“I can’t dump him until the weekend.”
“Why?”
“Well, besides the fact that I refuse to dump someone over phone or e-mail, only face to face, you’re meeting him when he gets back this week. We’re having pizza, congratulations. So I’ll have to wait to dump him until after that date….which will be great because I’ll get to be the girl that broke Sean’s heart right after meeting his friends….who we’re also meeting the same night.”
“Count me in. I love free food.”
“ZOEY!”
“Kidding, Faith, kidding. You are seriously sexually frustrated….and this is coming from someone who hasn’t had sex in two years.”
“You’re right, maybe I just need to have an orgasm to get over this.”
“Maybe you do, may I suggest investing in a Rabbit, they’re pretty fantastic.”
“I have a cheap one hiding in my closet somewhere. I’ll be okay.”
After a few more minutes of me moping Zoey let me go so I could “become less frustrated” as she put it. I’m going to see it if it helps.
“Hey.” I said wincing into the phone when I heard his voice.
“Hey… what’s up… is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is fine; I just thought I’d call you and see how your gigs have been going, if you miss Murphy yet, that kind of thing.”
Sean chuckled into the phone at the Murphy joke, “Yeah well everything is fine. We played a really great crowd in a bigger venue than any other place we’ve played in so that was cool. You know I think you should meet my friends, get to know them a little, I mean I’m with them when I’m not with you mostly…”
“That sounds like fun. How about the night you get back I treat you to pizza with my friends and then we can go see you play and meet your friends afterward?”
“You want me to meet your friends?” I could hear the smile in Sean’s voice and was, surprisingly, annoyed by it.
“Yeah, well they’ve been asking about you and I can only keep them at bay for so long.”
There was an awkward silence, neither one of us wanted to get into the sex thing over the phone. The silence was piercing and making me grimace, I could only imagine what Sean was feeling about it. Eventually he started talking.
“Have you ever….would you be interested in….do you ever have phone sex?” he stuttered, I could see him turning bright red and I suddenly started smiling.
“You know that won’t fix anything, right?”
“Yeah…but if you wanted….we could.” I thought about it and then heard Elise’s voice in my head urging me to try and find the connection I had felt before we started dating….
“I’ve never done it before, but we could try it….how do you…what do you say?”
“I guess you’re supposed to talk dirty and….uh….self-serve…”
We got really into it after a few minutes and when we eventually finished Sean said he missed me and eventually had to go. He should be home in a few more days and I really hope the phone sex made him want to have real sex with me. I’d be lying if I said that having phone sex made the connection strong and alive again, but it helped a little, I just….I feel like it only postponed my slide into complacency with Sean, rather than helped me get out of this funk entirely…I did appreciate his effort to make me happy, though.
“What kind of vibrator do you use?”
“Still no sex huh?” Zoey smirked over the phone.
“No! You could at least pretend to be unhappy with my crappy sex life. Lord knows I am about yours.”
“Gee, thanks. I use a rabbit, by the way, too high-end for you.”
“Zoey, what am I gonna do,” I sighed, “We just had phone sex and it was nice, but the whole time I was kind of pissed that Sean was willing to have sex with me as long as he didn’t have to touch or actually have sex with me.”
“Maybe he’s gay?” Zoey was kidding, but there was a hint of truthful inquiry, “Faith, you have to stop obsessing about this. Either dump him or get over it.”
“I can’t dump him until the weekend.”
“Why?”
“Well, besides the fact that I refuse to dump someone over phone or e-mail, only face to face, you’re meeting him when he gets back this week. We’re having pizza, congratulations. So I’ll have to wait to dump him until after that date….which will be great because I’ll get to be the girl that broke Sean’s heart right after meeting his friends….who we’re also meeting the same night.”
“Count me in. I love free food.”
“ZOEY!”
“Kidding, Faith, kidding. You are seriously sexually frustrated….and this is coming from someone who hasn’t had sex in two years.”
“You’re right, maybe I just need to have an orgasm to get over this.”
“Maybe you do, may I suggest investing in a Rabbit, they’re pretty fantastic.”
“I have a cheap one hiding in my closet somewhere. I’ll be okay.”
After a few more minutes of me moping Zoey let me go so I could “become less frustrated” as she put it. I’m going to see it if it helps.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
To Call or Not to Call
Elise and I were walking through the park eating our Italian gelato and taking advantage of the weather.
“He’s coming back in a few days…he wants to talk about it.”
“So…did you even try to have sex with him?”
“Of course I did, I tried everything short of taking advantage of him while he was asleep…and I draw the line at raping someone, Elise.”
“Why don’t you just whip out your vibrator the next time he comes over.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well…if he won’t have sex with you, your vibrator will. Maybe if you actually use it in front of him it’ll prove a point OR turn him on.”
“To be honest I think I’m going to end it with him. It’s just not working for me. He’s really cute and sweet and he’s supportive…but…there’s just something missing. The not-having-sex thing was sweet at first but now I’m at the point where it’s starting to hurt my feelings. What if he isn’t attracted to me anymore, Elise? Have I gained weight in my ass or something?”
“Faith, puhlease…you look hotter than ever, your looks are not what’s making Sean put on the brakes. I mean…there’s a bunch of different reasons he’s avoiding having sex with you…none of them, in my opinion, are good reasons.”
“What are you thinking?”
“Well…one of the models I worked with a few months ago, in the Bahamas, was kind of in the same situation you are. She and her boyfriend were having sex and then it just stopped on his end. After awhile it started up again and she left it alone until she found out why he stopped having sex with her for that period of time.”
“What did she find out?” I asked, sitting on a bench. Elise joined me.
“He had a herpes outbreak and didn’t want her to find out. She dumped him on the spot. I guess he’d had herpes for years but he didn’t want to tell her because he wanted her to keep having sex with him. She got tested and stuff and it turns out she’s fine, but it’s still something she can’t believe actually happened.”
I was shocked into silence. I couldn’t believe that Sean would lie to me about something that could seriously affect my health. He’s been so honest about everything.
“Elise he’s never given me a reason not to trust him. I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who would lie to me about having an STD.”
“Okay. Well…why don’t you arrange for him to meet Anna, Zoey, and me so we can tell you what we think? You’ve never been with a guy for this long without introducing us.”
“That’s because the first two months, it was against the rules.” I said, “I guess I can talk Sean into meeting you guys, he’s been wanting to for awhile, I’ll let you know if it happens. I might break up with him before the topic of meeting my friends pops up again.”
“Maybe he just needs more time, Faith. He sounds like a guy who doesn’t mind waiting for sex in a relationship. Is it really a big deal?”
“But then why not address it? Why not just come right out and say that he wants to avoid having sex to increase whatever he thinks it will increase? It’s a big deal Elise, it’s starting to make me wish I’d just said no when he wanted to take me on a date. There’s always this unsaid tension between us now and my feelings for Sean are slowly starting to disappear. At first, I was game….but this…this is just strange, now.”
“Give it some more time Faith. Call him tonight and try to feel the connection you guys had the first night you met. Don’t think about the sex problems; just have a real conversation with him, okay?”
“Alright,” I said sighing.
Now I’m at home and staring at my phone and debating whether or not I should call him. I’m going to go play with Murphy for a little while to clear my head.
“He’s coming back in a few days…he wants to talk about it.”
“So…did you even try to have sex with him?”
“Of course I did, I tried everything short of taking advantage of him while he was asleep…and I draw the line at raping someone, Elise.”
“Why don’t you just whip out your vibrator the next time he comes over.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well…if he won’t have sex with you, your vibrator will. Maybe if you actually use it in front of him it’ll prove a point OR turn him on.”
“To be honest I think I’m going to end it with him. It’s just not working for me. He’s really cute and sweet and he’s supportive…but…there’s just something missing. The not-having-sex thing was sweet at first but now I’m at the point where it’s starting to hurt my feelings. What if he isn’t attracted to me anymore, Elise? Have I gained weight in my ass or something?”
“Faith, puhlease…you look hotter than ever, your looks are not what’s making Sean put on the brakes. I mean…there’s a bunch of different reasons he’s avoiding having sex with you…none of them, in my opinion, are good reasons.”
“What are you thinking?”
“Well…one of the models I worked with a few months ago, in the Bahamas, was kind of in the same situation you are. She and her boyfriend were having sex and then it just stopped on his end. After awhile it started up again and she left it alone until she found out why he stopped having sex with her for that period of time.”
“What did she find out?” I asked, sitting on a bench. Elise joined me.
“He had a herpes outbreak and didn’t want her to find out. She dumped him on the spot. I guess he’d had herpes for years but he didn’t want to tell her because he wanted her to keep having sex with him. She got tested and stuff and it turns out she’s fine, but it’s still something she can’t believe actually happened.”
I was shocked into silence. I couldn’t believe that Sean would lie to me about something that could seriously affect my health. He’s been so honest about everything.
“Elise he’s never given me a reason not to trust him. I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who would lie to me about having an STD.”
“Okay. Well…why don’t you arrange for him to meet Anna, Zoey, and me so we can tell you what we think? You’ve never been with a guy for this long without introducing us.”
“That’s because the first two months, it was against the rules.” I said, “I guess I can talk Sean into meeting you guys, he’s been wanting to for awhile, I’ll let you know if it happens. I might break up with him before the topic of meeting my friends pops up again.”
“Maybe he just needs more time, Faith. He sounds like a guy who doesn’t mind waiting for sex in a relationship. Is it really a big deal?”
“But then why not address it? Why not just come right out and say that he wants to avoid having sex to increase whatever he thinks it will increase? It’s a big deal Elise, it’s starting to make me wish I’d just said no when he wanted to take me on a date. There’s always this unsaid tension between us now and my feelings for Sean are slowly starting to disappear. At first, I was game….but this…this is just strange, now.”
“Give it some more time Faith. Call him tonight and try to feel the connection you guys had the first night you met. Don’t think about the sex problems; just have a real conversation with him, okay?”
“Alright,” I said sighing.
Now I’m at home and staring at my phone and debating whether or not I should call him. I’m going to go play with Murphy for a little while to clear my head.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Facebook Fury
When I got home from work after leaving Sean that morning, I was relieved to see that he had left. He also did the dishes and took my trash out (which I absolutely HATE doing, any other chore and I’m good, but for some reason taking the trash out requires me to wait until I absolutely have to take it out) upon further inspection… I saw a note he left on my dining room table:
Faith,
I’ve got to go out of town for a few days for some gigs. I know we need to talk so I’ll stop by your place when I get back.
-Sean
I sighed and kicked my shoes off while I collapsed on my couch. Trying to juggle my job along with the issues with Sean was already enough, but apparently my life wasn’t complicated enough because just then, my phone rang.
“Does your brother have an address?”
“What?” it was my mother, in absolute anger-mode, “I don’t think so, he told me he probably wouldn’t be getting one until he arrived at camp in Afghanistan.”
“Well…go look on his facebook wall.” I rolled my eyes and humored my mother.
There were the obligatory “I miss you” posts from his friends and then I saw it. Shannon, the girl he called instead of his family while he was away over Mother’s Day, and he were now “in a relationship”. My eyes started to go red, but I’ll get to that in a minute. I scrolled up and saw a comment she posted on someone’s wall post about how she could give them my brother’s new address.
“Have you found it yet?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“Did you know he had an address?”
“No…I obviously would have told you if I did. Every time I’ve talked to him I’ve asked if he’s gotten an address yet, he said ‘no’ every single time.”
My mother was distraught and after a few minutes I finally got off the phone. I feel bad for my dad…he’s going to come home to a wife jumping from being extremely livid to hysterically crying…he’ll be okay…probably.
Anyway…I’ve hated every single one of my brother’s girlfriends. Every single one. Not because I feel over protective of my brother or anything, but because I see their cards, I know exactly what they want: every girl that’s been in my brother’s life sees the “status” that he has and date him because they want the status. They don’t realize my brother is a selfish jerk who will be a horrible boyfriend to them. In high school, my brother was hugely popular with every clique you could think of. The goths? Completely friends. The cheerleaders? They idolized him, he was the school mascot and technically on the cheerleading squad, so it was a double bonus for them. The theatre kids? He was one. The band nerds? He was their hero. He was even elected Homecoming King his senior year of high school. For teenage girls in high school, obtaining popularity was THE thing to do and a lot thought they would get it by dating my brother. These girls had a lot of tactics they used for getting him to notice them…the most common being: befriend his little sister, get an invite to their house to hang out with said little sister, and then ignore her completely at said hang out date so they could flirt with her brother in the basement.
High school was not a happy time for me. I was fat, lanky, in the marching band, and all of my friends were using me to get closer to my brother, but I’ve moved on from that. I just wish other girls would move on from that too. Now, my brother is in the military... not just any branch…he’s in The Marines. And I’ll be the first to admit that the Marine Corps dress uniform is pretty goddamn sexy and the status of dating a Marine is something I also know is highly attractive to some women. It’s romantic, sending your Marine off to fight for your freedom, pining over you while he sits in the heat and dirt of a foreign country, maybe even hoping to marry you, I get it. BUT MY BROTHER IS NOT YOUR MARINE IN SHINING ARMOR. He is a jerk, he is flawed, he will treat you like crap, and I will love him and be more supportive of him than any other girl he may have in his life. The girls he has had in his life since high school are no different than the girls he dated in college, it’s just a different type of status now.
This makes me even angrier than the girls in high school. Men in the military need support and women who chase the status that dating a soldier brings aren’t tough enough to cut it. After a few weeks they realize it’s too hard to try and maintain a relationship with someone you might not be able to talk to more than once a month. I know this because I saw my mom be a military wife for more than 20 years and saw so many other military marriages end because the women just get fed up with the lifestyle.
Shannon…now she really pisses me off. First, she’s 7 years older than him. She’s in her 30’s! And from what I can tell, my brother has always known about her feelings for him but never felt the same way for her. My brother isn’t even 25 yet and he’s more immature than a 16 year old, so this relationship is going to crash and burn. She also thought befriending me and chatting me up on Skype and facebook would be a good idea (she did this before their relationship was so appropriately announced on facebook), and to be honest, I liked her. She knows my brother is an asshat and she knows he can be incredibly cruel but she was also his best friend. I knew my brother didn’t want to date her (I might be in my 20’s but that doesn’t mean I’m too old to eavesdrop on a telephone conversation) so I didn’t see her as a threat even though them dating was always something I was suspicious about.
I just didn’t think a 30-year-old woman would try the same tactics that so many other teenage girls tried before.
If I’m being honest, I’m also really hurt that my brother gave his girlfriend of two weeks his address but hasn’t mentioned anything to his family even though I’ve asked him for it several times. I would contact Shannon for it but I don’t want to. If he doesn’t want mail from his family, then it’s not worth my time bothering to send it. Maybe when this girlfriend leaves him he’ll be willing to send me his address. I’m going to take the video game I bought for him back to the store tomorrow after work and eat the cookies right now.
Faith,
I’ve got to go out of town for a few days for some gigs. I know we need to talk so I’ll stop by your place when I get back.
-Sean
I sighed and kicked my shoes off while I collapsed on my couch. Trying to juggle my job along with the issues with Sean was already enough, but apparently my life wasn’t complicated enough because just then, my phone rang.
“Does your brother have an address?”
“What?” it was my mother, in absolute anger-mode, “I don’t think so, he told me he probably wouldn’t be getting one until he arrived at camp in Afghanistan.”
“Well…go look on his facebook wall.” I rolled my eyes and humored my mother.
There were the obligatory “I miss you” posts from his friends and then I saw it. Shannon, the girl he called instead of his family while he was away over Mother’s Day, and he were now “in a relationship”. My eyes started to go red, but I’ll get to that in a minute. I scrolled up and saw a comment she posted on someone’s wall post about how she could give them my brother’s new address.
“Have you found it yet?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“Did you know he had an address?”
“No…I obviously would have told you if I did. Every time I’ve talked to him I’ve asked if he’s gotten an address yet, he said ‘no’ every single time.”
My mother was distraught and after a few minutes I finally got off the phone. I feel bad for my dad…he’s going to come home to a wife jumping from being extremely livid to hysterically crying…he’ll be okay…probably.
Anyway…I’ve hated every single one of my brother’s girlfriends. Every single one. Not because I feel over protective of my brother or anything, but because I see their cards, I know exactly what they want: every girl that’s been in my brother’s life sees the “status” that he has and date him because they want the status. They don’t realize my brother is a selfish jerk who will be a horrible boyfriend to them. In high school, my brother was hugely popular with every clique you could think of. The goths? Completely friends. The cheerleaders? They idolized him, he was the school mascot and technically on the cheerleading squad, so it was a double bonus for them. The theatre kids? He was one. The band nerds? He was their hero. He was even elected Homecoming King his senior year of high school. For teenage girls in high school, obtaining popularity was THE thing to do and a lot thought they would get it by dating my brother. These girls had a lot of tactics they used for getting him to notice them…the most common being: befriend his little sister, get an invite to their house to hang out with said little sister, and then ignore her completely at said hang out date so they could flirt with her brother in the basement.
High school was not a happy time for me. I was fat, lanky, in the marching band, and all of my friends were using me to get closer to my brother, but I’ve moved on from that. I just wish other girls would move on from that too. Now, my brother is in the military... not just any branch…he’s in The Marines. And I’ll be the first to admit that the Marine Corps dress uniform is pretty goddamn sexy and the status of dating a Marine is something I also know is highly attractive to some women. It’s romantic, sending your Marine off to fight for your freedom, pining over you while he sits in the heat and dirt of a foreign country, maybe even hoping to marry you, I get it. BUT MY BROTHER IS NOT YOUR MARINE IN SHINING ARMOR. He is a jerk, he is flawed, he will treat you like crap, and I will love him and be more supportive of him than any other girl he may have in his life. The girls he has had in his life since high school are no different than the girls he dated in college, it’s just a different type of status now.
This makes me even angrier than the girls in high school. Men in the military need support and women who chase the status that dating a soldier brings aren’t tough enough to cut it. After a few weeks they realize it’s too hard to try and maintain a relationship with someone you might not be able to talk to more than once a month. I know this because I saw my mom be a military wife for more than 20 years and saw so many other military marriages end because the women just get fed up with the lifestyle.
Shannon…now she really pisses me off. First, she’s 7 years older than him. She’s in her 30’s! And from what I can tell, my brother has always known about her feelings for him but never felt the same way for her. My brother isn’t even 25 yet and he’s more immature than a 16 year old, so this relationship is going to crash and burn. She also thought befriending me and chatting me up on Skype and facebook would be a good idea (she did this before their relationship was so appropriately announced on facebook), and to be honest, I liked her. She knows my brother is an asshat and she knows he can be incredibly cruel but she was also his best friend. I knew my brother didn’t want to date her (I might be in my 20’s but that doesn’t mean I’m too old to eavesdrop on a telephone conversation) so I didn’t see her as a threat even though them dating was always something I was suspicious about.
I just didn’t think a 30-year-old woman would try the same tactics that so many other teenage girls tried before.
If I’m being honest, I’m also really hurt that my brother gave his girlfriend of two weeks his address but hasn’t mentioned anything to his family even though I’ve asked him for it several times. I would contact Shannon for it but I don’t want to. If he doesn’t want mail from his family, then it’s not worth my time bothering to send it. Maybe when this girlfriend leaves him he’ll be willing to send me his address. I’m going to take the video game I bought for him back to the store tomorrow after work and eat the cookies right now.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Rift
I got home from work today (we’ve started the second round of interviews) absolutely exhausted. I read so many applications that my eyes were starting to cross and kept thanking the high heavens that Veronica had the fantastic idea to take photos of all the people we’ve been meeting with because trying to remember their names and who they are would have been impossible.
Murphy was waiting at the door when I walked in. It’s become his habit, I think he’s become really attached to me because of the abuse in his past, but it doesn’t really bother me, having someone to greet me when I get home is nice.
“Well hello,” he started swishing his tail, “Are you hungry?” At that, Murphy walked into the kitchen and sat near his bowl. I rolled my eyes and smiled, “Of course you are… it’s exhausting to sleep all day isn’t it?”
Once Murphy had been fed, I changed and started looking through my menu drawer. I was too exhausted to attempt to cook anything and was in desperate need of groceries. I was deciding between walking around the block to get a sandwich and ordering Chinese when someone knocked on my door.
Murphy looked up at me from his bowl and cocked his head to the side. I gave him an “I-don’t-know-who-it-could-be” shrug and went to open the door.
“Hey, I thought I’d make you dinner tonight.” Sean said walking in and giving me a kiss. He had a bouquet of flowers and a brown grocery sack.
“I thought you had a gig tonight?” I said taking the flowers.
“I did, but the bar burned down, so it was, shockingly, cancelled.”
“Wow, lucky me. Thanks for the flowers, what’s for dinner?”
Sean set the bag down on my counter and started taking food out while I found a vase for the flowers.
“Well, you have two choices. I can make breakfast for dinner or I can make a three cheese lasagna with garlic bread.”
“I have an idea,” I said wrapping my arms around him from behind, “what if we have the lasagna tonight and then tomorrow morning you can cook me breakfast?”
Sean turned around and moved my arms off of him, “Faith…I’m not staying the night.”
“Okay, then let’s just eat whatever.” I said leaving the kitchen and sitting angrily on the couch.
I could hear Sean sigh from the kitchen. It was pretty clear he was considering his options: follow me and talk about it or leave. I was more than a little shocked when I heard my front door close.
“Sean?” The kitchen was empty except for the half emptied grocery bag. I stored the groceries in my fridge and lost my appetite shortly thereafter.
My night lead to Murphy sitting on my lap purring while I watched trashy reality television. At around 10 I had another knock on my door. It was Sean.
“Do you want your groceries back? I’ll go get them.” I said leaving the door open.
Sean walked into my foyer looking at his feet.
“No.”
“What?”
“I don’t want my groceries back. I’d like to cook them instead.”
“Am I missing some-?” I turned around and looked at Sean for the first time; he was holding an overnight bag.
“Where can I put this?” He said, holding it up. I pointed to my bedroom sheepishly.
Sean made the best lasagna I’d ever had and his breakfast was even better, but we still didn’t have sex last night. We just cuddled. Saying I’m disappointed is an understatement.
“I have to go to work, but you can stay here for as long as you want. Breakfast was amazing, thanks,” I said giving Sean a kiss after breakfast.
“Okay…” I had a feeling Sean wanted to say something, he could probably tell I was a little sad about the not-having-sex thing, but he kept quiet.
I’m writing this on my work computer and if I’m being honest….I really hope Sean is gone by the time I get home tonight.
Murphy was waiting at the door when I walked in. It’s become his habit, I think he’s become really attached to me because of the abuse in his past, but it doesn’t really bother me, having someone to greet me when I get home is nice.
“Well hello,” he started swishing his tail, “Are you hungry?” At that, Murphy walked into the kitchen and sat near his bowl. I rolled my eyes and smiled, “Of course you are… it’s exhausting to sleep all day isn’t it?”
Once Murphy had been fed, I changed and started looking through my menu drawer. I was too exhausted to attempt to cook anything and was in desperate need of groceries. I was deciding between walking around the block to get a sandwich and ordering Chinese when someone knocked on my door.
Murphy looked up at me from his bowl and cocked his head to the side. I gave him an “I-don’t-know-who-it-could-be” shrug and went to open the door.
“Hey, I thought I’d make you dinner tonight.” Sean said walking in and giving me a kiss. He had a bouquet of flowers and a brown grocery sack.
“I thought you had a gig tonight?” I said taking the flowers.
“I did, but the bar burned down, so it was, shockingly, cancelled.”
“Wow, lucky me. Thanks for the flowers, what’s for dinner?”
Sean set the bag down on my counter and started taking food out while I found a vase for the flowers.
“Well, you have two choices. I can make breakfast for dinner or I can make a three cheese lasagna with garlic bread.”
“I have an idea,” I said wrapping my arms around him from behind, “what if we have the lasagna tonight and then tomorrow morning you can cook me breakfast?”
Sean turned around and moved my arms off of him, “Faith…I’m not staying the night.”
“Okay, then let’s just eat whatever.” I said leaving the kitchen and sitting angrily on the couch.
I could hear Sean sigh from the kitchen. It was pretty clear he was considering his options: follow me and talk about it or leave. I was more than a little shocked when I heard my front door close.
“Sean?” The kitchen was empty except for the half emptied grocery bag. I stored the groceries in my fridge and lost my appetite shortly thereafter.
My night lead to Murphy sitting on my lap purring while I watched trashy reality television. At around 10 I had another knock on my door. It was Sean.
“Do you want your groceries back? I’ll go get them.” I said leaving the door open.
Sean walked into my foyer looking at his feet.
“No.”
“What?”
“I don’t want my groceries back. I’d like to cook them instead.”
“Am I missing some-?” I turned around and looked at Sean for the first time; he was holding an overnight bag.
“Where can I put this?” He said, holding it up. I pointed to my bedroom sheepishly.
Sean made the best lasagna I’d ever had and his breakfast was even better, but we still didn’t have sex last night. We just cuddled. Saying I’m disappointed is an understatement.
“I have to go to work, but you can stay here for as long as you want. Breakfast was amazing, thanks,” I said giving Sean a kiss after breakfast.
“Okay…” I had a feeling Sean wanted to say something, he could probably tell I was a little sad about the not-having-sex thing, but he kept quiet.
I’m writing this on my work computer and if I’m being honest….I really hope Sean is gone by the time I get home tonight.
Friday, July 9, 2010
With Held
****Author's Note: I don't know why this post's formatting is being weird. I've tried fixing it like five times and it won't change. Sorry dudes I know it's annoying to read.*******
“You guys, Sean won’t have sex with me.” I whined during our long over-due girl’s night. The four of us were sitting in a funky new restaurant that had a large aquariums lining the booths and ginormous flower arrangements hanging from the ceiling.
We were waiting for our order when my mind started to wander to the other night with Sean. When I arrived at his apartment for pizza and movies we had a blast. He gave me a tour of the place even though I’d already seen it. It did look different though with his furniture organized and a few boxes floating around.
We watched a chick flick (which I’m not really a big fan of, I think Sean rented it because he assumed I was into those types of movies) and then a sci-fi B-movie that was so terrible it was hilariously good. After we finished the movies we watched television for awhile before I started putting the moves on him. Then, he basically threw me out of his apartment (as nicely as he could) when I tried to take off his shirt. I was really bummed about it and it showed on my face, prompting Anna to ask me what was wrong.
“Why?” Elise asked, “You said the sex was great, what kind of guy turns down great sex?”
"Well, at first I thought it was cute that he wanted to wait, but now I'm starting to get confused about it."
“Maybe you should talk to him about it, just come right out and ask him.” Anna suggested.
The three of us looked at Zoey, who was silent.
“What? You don’t have anything to say missy,” Elise said eyeing her.
“Nope.”
“And just why is that?” Elise asked suspiciously, “You’re always ready with the advice.”
I smirked, “I think it has something to do with the fact that Zoey hasn’t had sex in two years.”
“TWO YEARS!?” Elise and Anna said together. Just then the waiter came with our food and Zoey tried to hide her face with a cloth napkin.
Elise ordered coconut shrimp, Anna ordered a pasta dish, Zoey got a chicken and strawberry salad, and I ordered a steak. When the waiter left Zoey tried to change the subject.
“This is delicious, what did you get Elise?”
“Coconut shrimp. Now talk. Two years?”
Zoey gave me a dirty look and basically talked in circles. She realized she wasn’t getting anywhere and changed the subject again, “Anyway, this isn’t about me, it’s about Faith and why Sean doesn’t want to sleep with her.”
“I think you should just talk to him.” Anna said.
“No, don’t do that. We can probably figure it out. How did the conversation about dating go?” Elise said taking a bite.
“Not as good as it could have gone. I basically freaked out and refused to admit I wanted a relationship. He eventually got me talking about Kevin and why I was reluctant and then we just kind of fell on the same page.”
“Hmmm. Could he be lightly punishing you?”
“For what?”
“For not being receptive to it. I mean you just wanted to keep using him as a sex toy and he might have felt hurt by that so now he’s refusing sex to prove a point…maybe?”
Anna chimed in, “Faith, Elise might have a point but that only emphasizes how much you should talk to Sean about this.”
“Those marriage counseling sessions have really gotten to your head Anna. I agree with her.” Zoey finally stopped being embarrassed long enough to chime in.
“I don’t really want to have that conversation with him. We’ve only been on three dates…I just can’t.”
“The longer you wait, the more you’re missing out on the honey moon period of your relationship.” Zoey said.
“Yeah but if she mentions it, she could immediately end the honey moon period with a huge fight. Fights about sex never turn out well, especially when it’s in the beginning of the relationship.” Elise took a sip of wine, resting her case.
The four of us never really settled on what I should do, but I’m leaning towards Elise. I like Sean and I don’t want to ruin what we’ve got going over something that could change during our next date.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Work and Play
Since my date with Sean I’ve been busy with work interviewing the candidates that Veronica had me sift through. I didn’t have too many interviews that were complete disasters with this group. All of the candidates, except for a few were social and would fit in here. I nixed the ones that didn’t make the cut and knocked on Veronica’s door.
“I finished up my last interview. These are the ones that made it through.” I placed the stack of applications on her desk. “How many candidates does that leave us with?”
“About 80.” She said looking over her reading glasses.
She’d been reading a writing sample when I had entered. I knew she’d been reading for hours.
“Do you want me to grab you a coffee? You look like you could use a break.” I smiled.
“That would be great. I’m almost done with the writing samples of the station employees. Then I just have to look through the applications you just handed me and we should be ready for that second round of interviews.”
“You know…I could get in contact with everyone who’s still being considered and ask them to provide a writing sample that has a maximum word limit, if that would save you some time.”
“I wish I’d thought of that before, but it wouldn’t be fair and I’m more than halfway there.”
“How many applications do you think you’ll have after reading everything?”
“I’m aiming for half, so 40. And I’d really like it to be half station employees and half from the new pool but our station employees are just better writers overall so I don’t know if that will actually happen.”
I went down the hall and got Veronica a coffee and myself a bottle of water from the employee lounge.
“Thanks.” Veronica took her shoes off and put her feet up on her desk, “you know, you should go home. You’ve been here all day.”
“I was about to head out, are you sure you don’t want any help, though?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
I bid Veronica a goodbye and headed home. On the way to the train I got a phone call from Sean.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“Nothing, just walking home from work.”
“You wanna do something?”
“Like what?”
“I thought I’d pick us up a pizza and some movies. We can watch them at my place, you know, break in my new apartment. I still have that honey.”
“Okay, give me an hour, alright? I need to go home and get out of these clothes and give Murphy his medicine, the poor guy is probably starving, too.”
“I’ll see you then.”
When I got home I fed Murphy and stroked him for awhile. He’s getting his energy back, slowly but surely. The vet said he’ll be like a new cat once he’s done with his medicine, but for now he’s a tired little guy most of the time. Anyway, I’m going to meet Sean now or he’s going to wonder where I am.
“I finished up my last interview. These are the ones that made it through.” I placed the stack of applications on her desk. “How many candidates does that leave us with?”
“About 80.” She said looking over her reading glasses.
She’d been reading a writing sample when I had entered. I knew she’d been reading for hours.
“Do you want me to grab you a coffee? You look like you could use a break.” I smiled.
“That would be great. I’m almost done with the writing samples of the station employees. Then I just have to look through the applications you just handed me and we should be ready for that second round of interviews.”
“You know…I could get in contact with everyone who’s still being considered and ask them to provide a writing sample that has a maximum word limit, if that would save you some time.”
“I wish I’d thought of that before, but it wouldn’t be fair and I’m more than halfway there.”
“How many applications do you think you’ll have after reading everything?”
“I’m aiming for half, so 40. And I’d really like it to be half station employees and half from the new pool but our station employees are just better writers overall so I don’t know if that will actually happen.”
I went down the hall and got Veronica a coffee and myself a bottle of water from the employee lounge.
“Thanks.” Veronica took her shoes off and put her feet up on her desk, “you know, you should go home. You’ve been here all day.”
“I was about to head out, are you sure you don’t want any help, though?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
I bid Veronica a goodbye and headed home. On the way to the train I got a phone call from Sean.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“Nothing, just walking home from work.”
“You wanna do something?”
“Like what?”
“I thought I’d pick us up a pizza and some movies. We can watch them at my place, you know, break in my new apartment. I still have that honey.”
“Okay, give me an hour, alright? I need to go home and get out of these clothes and give Murphy his medicine, the poor guy is probably starving, too.”
“I’ll see you then.”
When I got home I fed Murphy and stroked him for awhile. He’s getting his energy back, slowly but surely. The vet said he’ll be like a new cat once he’s done with his medicine, but for now he’s a tired little guy most of the time. Anyway, I’m going to meet Sean now or he’s going to wonder where I am.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Fireworks
Anna and Theo were having a barbeque at their house for the fourth of July and invited Elise, Zoey, and I to come celebrate.
“Thanks for having us over,” I handed Anna a big basket of strawberries.
“Oh, it’s no big deal. We love having people over.” Anna loves playing the hostess and scurried away to help Elise make margaritas.
Zoey and I surveyed the scene. Theo’s two brothers were hanging around by the grill talking smack about his grilling skills while their girlfriends sat in the shade sipping fruity drinks. A few of Theo’s friends were setting up a volleyball net and digging through a bucket to find a ball to toss around. Zoey and I decided to leave Anna and Elise at the drink station to go make small talk under the shade.
I had a blast at the party and as we were leaving to go watch the fireworks Sean sent me a text asking me to join him. I decided to say good bye and go meet him because I knew I was going to be exhausted after the fireworks show and the place Sean wanted to go was closer to my apartment.
“Hey, hot enough for you?” He smiled as I walked up to him by the train station.
“Tell me about it, I’m so sweaty and gross right now, I just want to watch the fireworks and then take a shower.”
“I see nothing but gorgeousness exude from your skin.” He laughed and then gave me a huge sweaty hug.
“Ewwwww!”
“Relax,” Sean reached into his bag and pulled out a water spritzer, “I’ve got us covered.” He motioned for me to spin around and then sprayed me with the cool water, I was instantly refreshed.
“Much better.” I gave him a kiss.
Sitting on the beach with Sean watching fireworks was extremely romantic even though we were surrounded by a hundred other people. I couldn’t have asked for a better holiday.
When I got home to shower I had a call from my brother.
“Hey! Happy fourth. Did they let you do anything fun today?”
“No, we had to do the PFT today. I did get to go to the beach though. I got slapped in the face with a boogie board. Now I’m heading to Denny’s.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, my pride got hurt more than my face.” He laughed.
We talked for awhile. I told him about adopting Murphy and that our parents decided to go to Vegas for the holiday. My mom saw Cher perform and told me she cried.
“She cries at everything. Remember when she saw Barry Manillow?”
I giggled. It’s true, my mom does cry at every concert she goes to see, it’s like a tradition or something.
When we said our goodbyes I jumped in the shower and then went to bed. It was a pretty fantastic holiday overall, even though it was hotter than I would have preferred.
“Thanks for having us over,” I handed Anna a big basket of strawberries.
“Oh, it’s no big deal. We love having people over.” Anna loves playing the hostess and scurried away to help Elise make margaritas.
Zoey and I surveyed the scene. Theo’s two brothers were hanging around by the grill talking smack about his grilling skills while their girlfriends sat in the shade sipping fruity drinks. A few of Theo’s friends were setting up a volleyball net and digging through a bucket to find a ball to toss around. Zoey and I decided to leave Anna and Elise at the drink station to go make small talk under the shade.
I had a blast at the party and as we were leaving to go watch the fireworks Sean sent me a text asking me to join him. I decided to say good bye and go meet him because I knew I was going to be exhausted after the fireworks show and the place Sean wanted to go was closer to my apartment.
“Hey, hot enough for you?” He smiled as I walked up to him by the train station.
“Tell me about it, I’m so sweaty and gross right now, I just want to watch the fireworks and then take a shower.”
“I see nothing but gorgeousness exude from your skin.” He laughed and then gave me a huge sweaty hug.
“Ewwwww!”
“Relax,” Sean reached into his bag and pulled out a water spritzer, “I’ve got us covered.” He motioned for me to spin around and then sprayed me with the cool water, I was instantly refreshed.
“Much better.” I gave him a kiss.
Sitting on the beach with Sean watching fireworks was extremely romantic even though we were surrounded by a hundred other people. I couldn’t have asked for a better holiday.
When I got home to shower I had a call from my brother.
“Hey! Happy fourth. Did they let you do anything fun today?”
“No, we had to do the PFT today. I did get to go to the beach though. I got slapped in the face with a boogie board. Now I’m heading to Denny’s.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, my pride got hurt more than my face.” He laughed.
We talked for awhile. I told him about adopting Murphy and that our parents decided to go to Vegas for the holiday. My mom saw Cher perform and told me she cried.
“She cries at everything. Remember when she saw Barry Manillow?”
I giggled. It’s true, my mom does cry at every concert she goes to see, it’s like a tradition or something.
When we said our goodbyes I jumped in the shower and then went to bed. It was a pretty fantastic holiday overall, even though it was hotter than I would have preferred.
Friday, July 2, 2010
First Date
Sean sent me text a few hours before our date:
“Just the person I need to help me pick out the right outfit.” I said lifting him up and putting him on my bed.
I put on about 6 different outfits before I finally settled on one that Murphy liked. Okay, so he just kind of laid there and fell asleep half-way through but I found an outfit I’m sure he would have liked had he not been snoring in the middle of my bed. I chose a black ¾ sleeve jersey dress that hit me a little above the knees. It has a white silk bow that wraps around underneath my chest. I added some dangling bubbly earrings and added my favorite pair of white pumps to complete the look. I had just gotten my hair wavy and pulled into a semi-messy half-pony when Sean rang my buzzer.
I buzzed him up and was surprised when I opened my door and he had flowers.
“That’s really sweet of you.” I said giving him a kiss and going o put them in a vase.
Sean was wearing a black short sleeve t-shirt under a matching blazer, dark jeans, and Chucks. He was hanging out in my foyer while I found a vase. When I came back he was bending down letting Murphy lick his hand.
“That’s weird….he’s usually a scaredy cat.” I said smirking.
“He knows I’m awesome, it happens a lot.” Sean laughed.
When we got downstairs to my apartment there was a car sitting in front of us.
“Where’d you get the car?”
“A buddy of mine is letting me borrow it. I couldn’t ask someone to dress up so nice and then make them schlep around on a bus or a train.” He opened the door for me and then ran around to the other side.
“So where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
We pulled into a parking lot about 15 minutes later.
“You’re taking me to the grocery store?”
“What? You’ve never been on a date in a grocery store before?” I gave Sean a deliberate look, “C’mon Let’s go,” He said opening my car door.
I warily got out of the car and we went shopping. Sean bought some different cheeses a loaf of French bread, wine, and some other goodies he wouldn’t let me see after distracting me with finding the perfect cheese.
“Here, I’ll meet you in the car,” he said tossing his keys up so I could catch them.
“Okay, are you sure you don’t want me to help?”
“I got it.”
A few minutes later we were on the road again.
“So where are we actually going?” I asked.
“You’ll see.”
About 20 minutes later Sean pulled into a dark parking lot and ran to open my door and grab the groceries. He pulled out a bag of some other stuff I didn’t notice earlier and told me to wait by the car for about five minutes. He ran out of view behind some trees.
“You’re going to want to take your shoes off.” Sean said when he came back. He knelt down and grabbed my foot to slip off my first shoe and kissed my leg, which tickled. Once my shoes were off he lead me to a clearing.
There was a blanket and candles spread out over the sand. I realized Sean had brought me to the lake for dinner.
“This is….so creative. Thank you.”
“I thought you’d like it.”
We ate dinner and talked about all sorts of stuff, an awkward silence didn’t happen once. For dessert, I finally saw what Sean bought while I was distracted: chocolate covered strawberries. They were delicious. I looked into the bag he had brought, curious.
“What’s the honey for?” I asked seductively.
“I just needed honey…for like my apartment.” He said laughing. He noticed my disappointed look, “oh, uh, I mean it’s so I can lick it off of you.”
I laughed and Sean leaned over to kiss me, we got hot and heavy on the beach blanket until the weather started to kick up a storm. It was really windy so we packed it in. I gave Sean a kiss and invited him upstairs to continue where we left off when we arrived at my apartment.
“What kind of guy do you think I am?” he said in mock protest, “Never on the first date."
And with that he left. When I walked into my apartment Murphy was sitting in the foyer like he was waiting for me, so I told him all about my night over a bowl of cat food.
Wear something casually nice.
I gave that text a raised eyebrow. What does that even mean? I had no idea. Sean was being secretive about the date he planned and wasn’t giving up any information so I was on my own in figuring out how to dress casual and nice at the same time. I walked to my closet and found Murphy laying in my laundry basket.“Just the person I need to help me pick out the right outfit.” I said lifting him up and putting him on my bed.
I put on about 6 different outfits before I finally settled on one that Murphy liked. Okay, so he just kind of laid there and fell asleep half-way through but I found an outfit I’m sure he would have liked had he not been snoring in the middle of my bed. I chose a black ¾ sleeve jersey dress that hit me a little above the knees. It has a white silk bow that wraps around underneath my chest. I added some dangling bubbly earrings and added my favorite pair of white pumps to complete the look. I had just gotten my hair wavy and pulled into a semi-messy half-pony when Sean rang my buzzer.
I buzzed him up and was surprised when I opened my door and he had flowers.
“That’s really sweet of you.” I said giving him a kiss and going o put them in a vase.
Sean was wearing a black short sleeve t-shirt under a matching blazer, dark jeans, and Chucks. He was hanging out in my foyer while I found a vase. When I came back he was bending down letting Murphy lick his hand.
“That’s weird….he’s usually a scaredy cat.” I said smirking.
“He knows I’m awesome, it happens a lot.” Sean laughed.
When we got downstairs to my apartment there was a car sitting in front of us.
“Where’d you get the car?”
“A buddy of mine is letting me borrow it. I couldn’t ask someone to dress up so nice and then make them schlep around on a bus or a train.” He opened the door for me and then ran around to the other side.
“So where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
We pulled into a parking lot about 15 minutes later.
“You’re taking me to the grocery store?”
“What? You’ve never been on a date in a grocery store before?” I gave Sean a deliberate look, “C’mon Let’s go,” He said opening my car door.
I warily got out of the car and we went shopping. Sean bought some different cheeses a loaf of French bread, wine, and some other goodies he wouldn’t let me see after distracting me with finding the perfect cheese.
“Here, I’ll meet you in the car,” he said tossing his keys up so I could catch them.
“Okay, are you sure you don’t want me to help?”
“I got it.”
A few minutes later we were on the road again.
“So where are we actually going?” I asked.
“You’ll see.”
About 20 minutes later Sean pulled into a dark parking lot and ran to open my door and grab the groceries. He pulled out a bag of some other stuff I didn’t notice earlier and told me to wait by the car for about five minutes. He ran out of view behind some trees.
“You’re going to want to take your shoes off.” Sean said when he came back. He knelt down and grabbed my foot to slip off my first shoe and kissed my leg, which tickled. Once my shoes were off he lead me to a clearing.
There was a blanket and candles spread out over the sand. I realized Sean had brought me to the lake for dinner.
“This is….so creative. Thank you.”
“I thought you’d like it.”
We ate dinner and talked about all sorts of stuff, an awkward silence didn’t happen once. For dessert, I finally saw what Sean bought while I was distracted: chocolate covered strawberries. They were delicious. I looked into the bag he had brought, curious.
“What’s the honey for?” I asked seductively.
“I just needed honey…for like my apartment.” He said laughing. He noticed my disappointed look, “oh, uh, I mean it’s so I can lick it off of you.”
I laughed and Sean leaned over to kiss me, we got hot and heavy on the beach blanket until the weather started to kick up a storm. It was really windy so we packed it in. I gave Sean a kiss and invited him upstairs to continue where we left off when we arrived at my apartment.
“What kind of guy do you think I am?” he said in mock protest, “Never on the first date."
And with that he left. When I walked into my apartment Murphy was sitting in the foyer like he was waiting for me, so I told him all about my night over a bowl of cat food.
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