The Woes of Sean

I was sitting at home after work playing with Murphy when my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey, wanna go do something?” It was Sean; I smiled out of relief that he didn’t hate me and finally called.

“What did you have in mind?” I asked tossing a feather toy across the room followed by a black and white streak that followed after it (Murphy has certainly gotten a whole bunch of energy now that he’s completely off his meds).

“Drinks, maybe dinner.”

“Sounds good, where were you thinking?”

Sean gave me the address to this appetizer bar about 20 minutes from my apartment and I told him I’d meet him there in an hour. Throwing open my closet to find a decent outfit; I started clawing through my clothes in search of something that would guarantee getting Sean into bed and settled on a tight black and red dress. It had a red bustier top overlaid with a see-through lacy black fabric. The bottom was super tight and made my ass look fabulous; it was black and had red streaks swirling around to make an interesting pattern. I chose a pair of strappy, sexy heels, put my hair up into a classy bun, and topped the outfit off with a silver necklace that dropped into my cleavage perfectly. I was out the door in about 35 minutes.

“Whoa. Is it my birthday?” Sean twirled me around and took in every inch of my body when I approached him in front of the restaurant. He was wearing a light brown casual blazer over a white shirt and dark jeans and his hair was wavy and impeccable, I couldn’t wait to put my fingers through it later after seducing him.

We were seated at a booth and ordered a bunch of different appetizers: the ever classy fried mozzarella, potato skins, an onion blossom, and garlic bread. I got a chocolatini and a water while Sean ordered a gin and tonic. The restaurant we went to was definitely better known for its drinks than its appetizers because my drink came with a candied orchid for garnish and Sean’s was made with a special food coloring that made it glow.

“That’s so cool,” I said, amazed at his drink, “Does it make it taste any different?”

“No…I don’t think so, it tastes the same to me.”

We had devoured the appetizers when I noticed Sean was finishing off his fourth gin and tonic (I had barely started on my second martini).

“Sean, is something wrong?”

“No, why would you think that?”

“I’ve never seen you drink this much and you've been kind of quiet.”

“I’m just having a good time. I’m with the prettiest lady in here and all the guys who are checking you out are looking at me like I’m a loser, but I’m having a good time and I know I’m in here with the most gorgeous woman alive, so it’s fine.”

I eyed Sean, he was purposely getting drunk and talking nonsense, “Maybe you should order a water, next….”

“I’m fine, Faith. Do you want to get out of here?” Sean gave me a wink and waived the waiter over to pay the bill. Even though Sean was pretty buzzed I was excited to take him back to my apartment and put the moves on him. In fact, as soon as I opened the door Sean started kissing me and backing me up into my bedroom.

I pushed him onto my bed and straddled him while he took off his jacket. In one hand movement I unraveled my bun and started kissing his neck. He kicked his shoes off and started unzipping the back of my dress while I worked off my shoes and started putting my hands under his shirt. As soon as his shirt was off he rolled over so that I was under him and he started slowly moving his hands up my thighs while kissing my collarbone.

Suddenly, Sean stood up.

“I can’t do this, I need to go, can I get my jacket, it’s under you.”

I started pounding on the bed with my fists and threw, what basically boiled down to, a temper tantrum, “No, no, no, no, no! You can do this, we’ve done this before,” I reached out and started to pull him on top of me again, I could tell he was fighting it. Before anything else could happen he rolled off of me and landed on the other side of me. We were both staring up at my ceiling, breathless.

“I don’t understand, Sean. Are you not attracted to me anymore?”

“No….How could I not be attracted to you. You looked as hot as I’ve ever seen you tonight. It’s not you, Faith.”

“Do you have herpes, then?”

“What?!” Sean sat up on the bed and looked at me, “How could you possibly think that? Don’t you think I would have told you I had an incurable STD before sleeping with you for two and a half months?”

“Then what is it Sean? Why won’t you have sex with me?”

“I want to wait-”

“Sean that was in the beginning. We’ve been dating for a month now and you know as well as I do that our relationship is at the point where we need to have sex for more intimacy. I know you can feel the rift that’s growing because you’ve restricted being physical, I know I’m not imagining it.” Sean sighed and put his head in his hands. I scooted over to him and put one arm around his bare shoulders and another on his leg, “Please talk to me Sean.”

“The night we met…was amazing. It was the first time I ever….”

“You weren’t a virgin…?”

“No!” Sean dropped his hands and looked at me.

“Okay, keep going.”

“Look, Faith….I can’t usually….perform… for women I’m not in love with.”

“What are you talking about? We were having sex for two months before we stopped.”

“I always knew when you were coming over then…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We’ve only ever had sex when I was on something…to help me get it up. Except the night we met, that was something I’ve never had happen before. Usually my body just won’t work with someone I don’t love. I can’t explain it. I didn’t want you to know that I’ve been using drugs to sleep with you because I thought it might hurt your feelings and because I don’t like taking them, so I thought if I said we should hold off on having sex it would give me some time to maybe….”

“Fall in love with me?”

“Yeah.”

I gave Sean a hug and when we ended it I put my hand on Sean’s face to make him look at me, “Thank you for telling me this. If you don’t want to use the drugs then we don’t need to have sex, okay? I just needed to know why. It doesn’t bother me if a guy has to use something to help him out, but it’s pretty clear it bothers you, so we’ll wait, okay?”

Sean nodded and gave me another hug; he was pretty upset about the whole thing.

“I’m sorry I lied to you. It’s just….so embarrassing for me. I mean… I’m supposed to be this super awesome rock star guitarist and I can’t even please a woman without using Viagra.”

“Sean, it’s okay, really. Now, do you want me to make you some coffee?”

Sean nodded and I left him alone for awhile while I brewed some coffee and I think I heard him crying in my bedroom while I washed up some fruit for us to eat. I knocked on the door when everything was ready and told Sean to meet me in the living room. We sat down and watched a late-night movie marathon on television and snuggled on the couch with Murphy in my lap. Sean seemed really happy for the rest of the night and we eventually fell asleep on my couch.

When I woke up in the morning, Sean was nowhere to be found, so I decided to take a shower and get ready to run a bunch of errands for the day (grocery shopping, finally). As I was walking out of the shower and into my bedroom Sean walked in the door with fresh donuts and fruit smoothies. It was a really nice thing for him to do but he scared the crap out of me. I feel better now that Sean has put everything out on the table, I know it was really hard for him to tell me about his…problem, but I feel more invested now that’s he’s confided in me. The feelings I had for Sean that were starting to disappear are stronger now than ever.

Before he left Sean asked me something:

“Hey Faith, can you not tell your friends about this. It’s hard enough for me just knowing that you know.”

“I understand; I won’t talk to anyone about it unless it’s you.” I said giving him a kiss as he left.