Spilled the Beans

“Faith…are you even listening to me?”

“That sounds great,” I replied.

The rough jab in the ribs got my attention.

“OW! What was that for?”

“I warned you, but you weren’t listening…like you haven’t been listening for the past 20 minutes.”

Zoey’s eyes were looking at me frustrated.

I sighed, “I’m sorry Zoey….I’m being a terrible friend.”

“Look, do you want to hear about my date with Wesley or should I save it for another time?”

“I want to,” I said nodding, “I’m just doing a poor job of focusing.”

Zoey looked down at her feet, I could tell her feelings were hurt, which made me feel even worse.

“Faith, this is the first date I’ve been on in a long time that wasn’t a complete disaster. You could at least pretend to care after harping on my pathetic sex life for the past month.”

The guilt started pouring out of me and I couldn’t control the sobs that came rushing out. Zoey’s eyes got wide as she rushed me out of the crowded bookstore’s café and into her car.

“I didn’t mean to…upset you so much.” Zoey watched me with confusion,

“What’s going on?”

I looked out the window with sudden embarrassment and tried to stop the tears pouring down my face.

“Nothing, I’m just a horrible co-worker, a horrible friend, and a horrible girlfriend.” I said, the sobs starting up again.

Zoey started her car and headed toward her apartment. She was silent for the majority of the drive, knowing that trying to talk to me right now wouldn’t accomplish anything. When we got into her apartment she made us some tea and we ended up sitting across from each other at her kitchen table.

“What’s the problem?” She asked coldly.

“I already told you,” I said getting defensive.

Zoey sighed and swirled the tea in her cup. She set it down with a loud thud and got up.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“I’m going to Wesley’s. At least he pretends to want me around.” She spun on her heel and grabbed her keys which were sitting on a hallway table.

“Zoey, wait!” I heard her feet stop in the hallway, “I’m sorry. But….I promised I wouldn’t talk about it.”

I heard her throw the keys on the hallway table and start walking back to the dining room. She appeared and leaned on the empty door jamb.

“And the other stuff? The stuff you can talk about?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t listening to you. You were excited to tell me about your date and I just didn’t listen because I was being selfish…wrapped up with my own stuff. I know how big of a deal it is that you went on a date…I’m sorry I didn’t react the way I should have.”

Zoey cocked her head and gave me an urging look.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you, too. I just feel like I’m sucking at all of my relationships, lately.”

“Tell me.”

“Well, my brother is mad at me because he’s dating a 30-year-old divorcee and I can’t bring myself to like her, my co-workers from my old job are in bad shape and I didn’t bother to keep in touch because I wanted to cut everything about Kevin out of my life, and I ignore my friends and their feelings…so I’m just a terrible person all around.”

Zoey sat in her chair and picked up her cup of tea again.

“I’m assuming the thing you can’t talk about is yet another Sean problem.”
I didn’t like Zoey’s tone.

“I thought you liked him.” I said preparing for an argument.

“I do, but not at the cost of your happiness. Do you realize that you haven’t been happy since you guys started dating?”

I started to protest but quickly realized it was true. I really hadn’t been happy since we’d started dating…since before the Fourth of July, really. I shook my head.

“I think he’s worth it Zoey. He’s…special…to me.” I looked down, the tears threatened to come back.

“Oh, Faith…just tell me what it is.”

“Zoey, I promised. He’d never trust me again if he found out.”

“Why would I ever bring that up with your boyfriend?”

Zoey had a point but I was still haunted by the disastrous night Sean met all of my friends and all of the things they said by mistake.

“You’ve slipped up before with Sean.”

Zoey pursed her lips, “Fair enough. But I can’t help you if you don’t let me in. Maybe I should take you home.” Zoey went to get up to grab her keys.

“Sean can’t get it up.” The words came out of my mouth before I knew what I was doing. I buried my head in my hands out of shame.

Zoey froze in her chair.

“He was using drugs before we started dating but he didn’t want to use them anymore. He was too embarrassed to tell me, so he came up with the whole waiting thing. We tried…without drugs and nothing happened, he hasn’t called me since.” M voice was quiet.

“How old is Sean?”

“Late twenties.”

“Isn’t that kind of young…to be having that particular problem?”

“He told me he’s always been like this. Apparently it doesn’t work unless he’s in love with someone. Zoey…I worked on him for nearly an hour with absolutely no response. I’m contemplating bringing knee pads next time.” I smiled weakly at my joke, Zoey smiled too.

“That’s…” Zoey let out a whistle.

“I know.”

“He wouldn’t even look at me. I’ve tried calling him every day since then…he’s screening my calls. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well did you try to say anything to him after?”

“Of course but he cut me off. He didn’t want to hear it. I want to convince him to see a doctor, but I don’t think he’s going to be willing to do that.”

“Well, at least you know he doesn’t have a medical problem.”

“What?”

“You said he was using drugs, before, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You have to get those from a doctor. He’d have to get a prescription for it, so you know he’s already seen a doctor. He probably needs to see a different type of doctor, if you know what I mean.”

Zoey and I hung out at her place for awhile, but I was useless in helping the conversation while I was thinking about Sean. We settled on watching a mindless movie until Zoey insisted on driving me home to my lonely and hungry cat.

(Author's Note: There will be a post every day this week, including weekends, so be sure to come by often! Also this is the blog's 100th post [not counting author's notes])