Home Sweet Home

My brother left today and to be completely honest, I feel extremely guilty from the large amount of relief that came over me. I feel awful but it’s nice to not have to tip-toe around him and his sudden angry outbursts. It makes me feel even worse when I consider that this could have been the last time to see him for months….or forever. I think I might be in denial about the fact that he’s gone. We don’t see each other very often so I think part of me is just believing he’s out living his life working like he was before the deployment because it’s easier for me to deal with.

Anyway, my parents weren’t in the mood to cook dinner so I offered to go and pick us up some food instead. We called in some calzones at a local pizza place and I went to go pick them up. When I walked in to the restaurant I was instantly reminded why I try to avoid coming home and frequenting the local businesses.

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! It’s Faith!” Torie, a girl I went to high school with, walked up to me with a cigarette in hand and a noticeably large baby belly (I had to do a double take and hide my shock).

“H-hey.” I said waving at several other former classmates nursing a pitcher of beer in front of a big screen television while their kids ran around the table throwing breadsticks. “How’s it going?”

Torie told me her life story while I waited for the food (they were in a rush and it was going to be about 20 minutes). After high school she got pregnant and married a guy sitting at the table. This was her fifth child (we graduated 6 years ago). She worked at a lingerie store a few blocks away and they were in the middle of her baby shower when I walked into the pizza place. He works as a car mechanic downtown and they live with her parents. When I was finally able to get our food and say goodbye I felt even worse.

Torie was in the top of our class, she got a full ride scholarship to a prestigious school and wanted to be a doctor. She also dated my brother when they were in high school. It annoyed me because she tried to be my friend in order to get close to him and once I realized what was going on he was taking her to prom and out on dates. They didn’t last long and she eventually ended up with her current husband. I think I felt so bad about seeing her because I’m one of the few kids who got out. I don’t come from a small town by any means. I grew up in the suburb of a fairly large city in the Midwest (sort of, we moved around all over, but I spent the most time there and my parents have always owned a home there) but I’m still one of the few people who graduated from school and went on to college out of state. I knew what I wanted when I was in high school and living here and getting married before I was even legally allowed to drink and start a family wasn’t really in my cards. Don’t get me wrong, I think I want to get married and have children but not at 17 (the age I graduated from high school) and not really now, either.

The reason I don’t like seeing people I went to high school with is because I always see so much lost potential in who they wanted to be. Most of them never went to college and don’t like their current jobs; most have already had children or been divorced and it’s hard to not feel lucky when I see what happened to people I used to look up to in high school. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I felt like my life was heading in a better direction than my former classmates and that makes me feel like an elitist, pretentious, bitch. I can see how happy they are, like Torie who was having such a blast and happy with her life, but it’s painful to know that she had bigger dreams for herself that were never fulfilled.

“Food’s here!” I said walking through the door. My dad was on the phone and my mom shushed me. “What’s going on?” I whispered.

“SHHHHHH.” I rolled my eyes and started setting the table. My dad got off the phone beaming.

“So what’s going on?” I asked.

“Well, I’ve been looking for a new job and I just got hired by a university I’ve been looking at for awhile.”

“He’s making a six-figure salary now.” My mom said, “He had to take a pay cut to work at that other university so your brother and you could go there for free….even though neither of you went there.” She said coldly.

“That’s awesome dad.” I said, “Let’s eat! I’ll go get ice cream later to celebrate.”

My dad isn’t a teacher, he’s more of a budget guy and I’m really happy that he’s been offered such a great job. He was recently looked over at his current place of employment for a promotion (that he seriously deserved) after they lead him on for six months after interviewing him. They gave it to someone who had only been working there for two years and didn’t have any qualifications for the job, instead. I’m glad my dad is getting out of there now, he really deserves it.