Laugh to Keep From Crying

Molly’s roommate, Leonard, was out of town visiting his sister who just had a baby so Molly invited Zoey and I to dinner (she invited Anna, too, but Anna wanted to spend time with the twins and her in-laws who are staying with her and Theo for the week) and we were currently waiting to eat dinner after setting the table. Molly made steak fajitas with onions and peppers from the farmer’s market that comes to her neighborhood every Sunday morning. Zoey and I had laid out a bowl of cheese, warmed tortillas, homemade pico de gallo, a bowl of sour cream, and a bowl of guacamole on the table amongst our wine glasses and plates when Molly came around the corner with the sizzling skillet.

Dinner was great. Molly told us that she and Calvin were doing really well. They aren’t exclusive yet but they were having a lot of fun together and she’s just going with the flow in that regard. Zoey is doing really well with Wesley, too. She told Molly all about their vacation and even showed her some pictures. And then we came to me.

“We saw our counselor the other day.” I said laying some onions on a tortilla,” First, Sean was late. SO late that our appointment was only 20 minutes.”

“How long are they supposed to be?” Molly asked.

“An hour.”

“Ouch.” She said spreading sour cream on her tortilla.

“Did he at least apologize?” Zoey asked refilling our glasses with more wine.

“Yeah, he promised it wouldn’t be a habit.”

“Well that’s good, right? It shows that he’s aware he needs to make an effort.” Molly said.

“Yeah. I guess. I don’t know, you guys. I’m starting to wonder if I made a mistake.”

“What do you mean?” Zoey asked sprinkling cheese on her tortilla and folding it up.

“I thought I’d be able to overcome this but I just feel so angry all the time. I feel like I’m punishing Sean but at the same time I don’t feel bad about it because of what he did.”

“Have you talked to him about how you feel?” Zoey asked.

“I talked to him about what happened, but my feelings? No. I think it’s obvious to Sean how I feel.”

“Maybe telling Sean how you feel will give you a new perspective.” Zoey said sipping her wine.

“I think it’s okay to feel angry, in any case, Faith. He betrayed your trust. Speaking of that, how are you dealing with him being on tour with Karen?” Molly said.

“Honestly, I’m indifferent to Karen’s presence on tour with him.”

“Really?” Zoey and Molly said at the same time.

“Yeah.” I shrugged.

“But….how? She ruined your relationship!” Molly said with shock and an indignant tone.

“No. She didn’t. I’m not in a relationship with Karen, Molly. The only person who ruined my relationship with Sean was Sean. There’s always going to be some woman throwing herself at the men I date; if I allow myself to obsess about Karen or blame her for ‘stealing Sean’ or whatever then I will always be insecure in my future relationships. The truth is…Sean and I were having problems well before Karen came into the picture, she’s merely a symptom of the bigger problem.”

“That’s so…adult.” Molly said.

“It’s been known to happen.” I said smirking.

“You really don’t want to just punch her in the face? Or at least kick her down some stairs?” Zoey said.

“Nope. I mean, at first, I was mad at her, but I did A LOT of thinking about this situation and I decided that Karen could have been anybody. Sean is a musician; he’s going to have groupies throwing themselves at him for his entire career. Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as much if it was an anonymous groupie but I honestly don’t have any feelings toward Karen at all. The way I see it, all of my problems are with Sean. He chose to sleep with her-”

“But Karen also chose to sleep with him.” Molly pointed out.

“True, but, like I said, I’m not in a relationship with Karen. It’s not up to Karen to make sure my fiancé behaves while he’s on tour. She’s not his babysitter and I don’t expect her to police his behavior. Plus, I don’t really think she wants to be in a relationship with Sean. I think she was hurting from her recent break-up and made a stupid mistake. Sean on the other hand knew what he was doing. He basically told me that he only did it because he wanted to get revenge and hurt me. I have a bigger issue with that than I do with whatever was going through Karen’s head.”

“You don’t think you’re just in denial about it?” Zoey asked.

“I don’t think so. It’s possible I’m still in shock about the whole thing but it’s weird…it was easier to forgive Karen than it will be for me to forgive Sean. I don’t even know if that’s going to happen.”

“Faith, it’s okay if you’ve changed your mind about being with him.” Molly said putting a hand on mine.

“It’s not that…everything just…sucks.” I said bursting into tears, “Our counselor wants us to have sex before our next appointment. H-he said it would jump st-start our relationship and I-I don’t know i-if I can bring myself to do that r-right now.”

Zoey and Molly both looked shocked and repulsed.


“He wants you guys to…?” Zoey said with confusion.

“YES! THANK YOU!” I said pointing at her, “That’s exactly how I looked when he said it!”

“When’s your next appointment?” Molly asked.

“The 29th.”

“Do you think you’re going to find a way?” Zoey asked.

“I don’t know. It might just be one of those things that’s like ripping off a band-aid. It’s just easier to do it quickly to get it over with.”

“What happens if you don’t?” Molly asked.

“Mike said it would be a waste of our time to see him if we weren’t willing to increase our level of intimacy by a significant amount every session because of Sean’s schedule and the fact that we only see Mike every two weeks.”

A silence came over the table. All of us looked down at our plates until Molly broke the silence.

“Well…sometimes hate sex is fun…” The three of us burst out laughing.