The Talk

Sean picked me up for our dinner last night and whistled when he saw me. I decided to dress up for our date and I had chosen a cobalt blue cocktail dress, crystal dangling earrings, and swept my hair into an elegant bun. I finished off the outfit with my favorite pair of black pumps and a cute clutch purse. He was wearing a gray zipping hoodie over a white t-shirt and under a black blazer and a pair of jeans. He handed me a bouquet of daisies at the door and give me a kiss.

“Thank you.” I went to put them in a vase.

“Is this in celebration of our three month-anniversary?” He asked pointing to my outfit.

I gave Sean a very confused look.

“Is that what this is?” I asked, feeling like a jack ass and staring at my flowers.

“Well…it depends on how you look at it. It could be our fourth or our third depending on when you consider our relationship starting. I decided to err on the side of caution and go with our third month anniversary which is this weekend. But our fourth month anniversary, I guess would have been last week.”

Sean started laughing at the look on my face and I started blushing.

“I’m the worst girlfriend ever.” I mumbled as we headed out the door.

“You are not; it’s not even a real anniversary. The three-month anniversary is what twelve year olds celebrate with their first girlfriends. We’re older than twelve. I was only kidding.”

"But…it actually is our three or four month anniversary, right?”

“Yeah…but it’s just a coincidence….I mean it’s not even the day of. I was only kidding.”

I got really quiet then. It had suddenly occurred to me that Sean was more serious than I was about our relationship. He had always been more serious about our relationship; from the very beginning. That made me feel even worse than before.

We were seated at a table in an extremely nice restaurant, its theme was that of an indoor garden and it was breathtaking. There was a river that snaked throughout the restaurant with little cobblestone bridges over it and so many beautiful flowers and plants. Our table was in a little alcove that overlooked a small waterfall and was surrounded by ferns and deep purple orchids. There were twinkling lights in the canopy of small trees that made up the ceiling and candles that floated in the river. I was looking around and taking in the surroundings when I started to wonder if Sean wasn’t entirely joking about our anniversary not being a special occasion.

“Faith? Are you alright? You haven’t really been saying much.”

“I’m fine.” I threw in an unconvincing smile and started raving about my food a little too much.

“Cut the crap, Faith, what’s the deal?”

I sighed and put my fork down with a loud clank on my plate. I jumped at the noise.

“Can we talk about it later? I don’t want to get into it and make a scene in such a nice place.”

“It’s so serious that you’re worried about making a scene? What did I do?”

“It’s not you.”

I waved away Sean’s words and changed the subject to Elise. I could see him debating with himself over whether or not he should let me switch focus instead of pursuing our previous topic, but he obliged.

“Anna roped me into meeting with her this weekend. I think it should be interesting and by that I mean an awkward mess, but Anna’s being optimistic and she asked me to just drop it.”

“I don’t envy you, that’s going to be more than awkward.”

“Thank you!” I said exasperatedly, “Anna is in so much denial about it.”

We continued on like that until Sean walked me back to my apartment.

“So…are we going to talk about what’s bothering you, now?” He said at the edge of my stoop.

“Can’t we just forget it?”

“Sure.”

“Really?

“No. Start talking.”

I walked up the stairs into my apartment to feed Murphy and let Sean in. When I finally got settled onto the couch I was extremely nervous. The pit of my stomach felt like an endless cavern. We were going to have “the talk” and address how much I’ve taken our relationship for granted. Sean put his arm over my shoulder and I curled up next to him.

“This date really was for our anniversary, wasn’t it?” I said quietly.

“The third anniversary isn’t a big deal, I told you-“

“It was, though. The nice dinner. The flowers-“

“Faith, I decided to err on the side of caution, I told you.”

“What is that supposed to mean Sean?”

“It means that I wanted to make our date nice in case you wanted to celebrate the anniversary without wanting to tell me that we needed to celebrate it. It clearly wasn’t on your radar and that’s fine, I was just covering my ass as your boyfriend. The fact that you didn’t realize it means you aren’t twelve; that you’re a mature woman. It’s not a big deal.”

I pushed away from Sean and turned to face him on the couch. I was at a loss for words and started suddenly crying. Sean’s face was drenched in panic, worry, and confusion.

“Why are you-? What did I say?” He said trying to pull me into a hug. I wouldn’t let him.

“It’s not you.” I gulped through tears.

Sean looked at me sharply.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“What? No!”

“Then what is going on?”

“I’m a cold-hearted bitch.” I sobbed.

Sean started laughing which made me stop crying momentarily.

“Why are you laughing at me?”

“Because you couldn’t be farther from a cold-hearted bitch. You’re like a warm ray of sunshine.”

It was my turn to laugh then.

“I know…it’s the lamest and cheesiest thing I’ve ever said but it’s true.” Sean started laughing too.

A chunk of hair had fallen from my bun and Sean moved it behind my ear while I wiped my tears away. I took a deep breath and tried to explain myself.

“Sean, I’ve taken you for granted. You remember our anniversary and you bring me bouquets of my favorite flowers, you like my cat and think I’m pretty even when I’m a complete and utter mess like now and I feel like I just haven’t been caring about our relationship as much as you have because of- because I’ve-”

I stopped because I didn’t want to hurt Sean’s feelings. I looked down and started crying again.

“Because?” He said lifting my face to look at him. I was silent, “It’s okay. Say it.”

“Because of your impotence. I’ve been more focused on that than getting closer to you. I’m so selfish, Sean. I-”

“You’re not selfish, Faith. We haven’t been able to have sex in three months and I’ve been ignoring how it's made you feel. I’m sorry. I think the therapy is helping….it’s just not helping fast enough. How can I help you? Do you-” his voice caught, “Do you want to see other people?”

I looked at Sean, his eyes were watery and I could see the pain etched all over his face.

“Sean, are you trying to tell me that you want me to have sex with other people?”

“Is that what you want?”

“No! I want you. Only you. I would never…I can’t…how could you even think that I would want that?”

“I just want you to be happy, Faith. If you need sex then I’ll figure out a way to deal with you having sex with other people, if that’s what I have to sacrifice in order to keep our relationship going, then I’ll set you up on dates myself. I love you too much to lose you because of my problems.”

“Sean, I don’t want that! I’m ruining our relationship because I’m selfish! It’s my problem, not yours. Instead of enjoying being with you I am constantly focusing on when, if, or how we’ll have sex all while you’ve been getting to know me and learning about my favorite things. I don’t even know how old you are! I don’t know your favorite color or food or your favorite song! I’m a terrible girlfriend. What kind of horrible person doesn’t even know her boyfriend’s age...after three months of dating?”

“I’m twenty-eight. My favorite color is green. My favorite food consists of those stuffed mushrooms you make and my favorite song is ‘Bus Stop’ by The Hollies. Is there anything else you want to know?”

I shifted in my seat.

“Can I ask about anything?”

Sean’s face relaxed and I let out a sigh of relief. The tension had lessened considerably and both of us were grateful.

“Yes.”

“Um...this is probably a TMI question but …do you masturbate?”

“That wasn’t a question I expected,” he said turning from me and rubbing his knees with his hands. He laughed uncomfortably.

“You said I could ask anything…” I said looking down and fidgeting with my hands.

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

“I’m a guy, Faith, of course I do.”

“But why? I mean how?”

“Well normally I do it in the shower but sometimes I-“

“No, Sean…I mean why are you able to…but not with me?”

“I don’t know why.”

“Do you…think about a certain fantasy or something? Because I could dress up as a maid or a naughty nun-”

“I think about you. I’ve thought of you ever since you left my hotel room the first time. Since then I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind when I-”

“Oh.”

“A naughty nun?” Sean laughed and raised his eyebrows at me.

“I dated a priest, once…he brought it up in passing and I’d bought the costume before we broke up, we never used-”

“A priest?”

“It’s a long story. I didn't know he was a priest when I bought the costume. Do you think you’d be able to do it if I was in the room with you?”

“I don’t really know.”

“Could we try it?”

“That’s kind of weird, don’t you think?”

“Maybe you just have performance anxiety…it could help reduce it if we try to see if just my presence is the problem.”

“We can try it.” He tried to pull me into him, but I pushed away again.

“We need to have ‘the talk’ Sean. Where do you see this going? What do you want out of it?”

Sean groaned and fell back on a throw pillow.

“It’s time to be adults now?”

“What do you think we were doing? I just quizzed you over your masturbation habits.”

“Do I get to quiz you about yours?” he tried to pull me to him again but I resisted.

“If you want…”

“Do you think about me?”

I wasn’t sure what to tell him. I don’t think about Sean because it makes me too sad which obviously defeats the purpose but I didn’t want to tell Sean that I think about my ex-boyfriend. I didn’t want to lie to Sean, either, so I leaned in and kissed him.

“What do you think?” I said between kisses.

Sean smiled and we had a pretty heated make-out session before we ended up cuddling on the couch. I was stroking Murphy absentmindedly while Sean ran his hand up and down my arm.

“Do you want kids?” I asked.

“I’m not sure. You?”

“I don’t know, either. What are your parents like?”

“They’re dead. They died in a car accident a few years ago. But my older brother is a lawyer. His name is Paul, he’s thirty, and he lives in Michigan. He’s pretty serious but what else do you expect from a lawyer?”

“Oh. I’m so sorry, Sean. Are you okay?

“I’m fine. I grieved and I’ve been able to move on from it.”

“Do you ever want to get married?”

“You proposing?”

I nudged him in the side.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I guess so. You?”

“If it happens, it happens, I guess, but I’m in no hurry.”

“Did we just have ‘the talk’ then?”

“Yep… I’m sorry…about the crying earlier,” I said looking away in embarrassment, “I probably look like a complete mess-“

I went to touch my hair with my hands but Sean grabbed them and met my eyes.

“You don’t ever have to apologize to me for crying. You’re gorgeous and you’ll always be beautiful to me, tears and all, okay?”

I nodded and Sean kissed my forehead. We fell asleep on my couch and when I woke up in the morning Sean was still sleeping. I threw a blanket over him and smiled at Murphy, who was snoring on top of Sean’s head. Before I left for work I left a post-it note for Sean that said: "Happy three month anniversary."

Movement

I called Anna to see if she’d confronted Elise at work but she just wasn’t answering her phone; it wasn’t until late last night that she finally called me back.

“Where have you been? I feel like I’ve been trying to get a hold of you forever!” I said choosing to forgo a formal greeting and cut to the chase.

“I know but I’ve been really busy.”

“Did you do it?”

“Yeah.” Anna was silent and I started to get very irritated.

“AND?” I pressed her.

“I think we should just drop it.”

“Wait. You confronted Elise at work about her flirting with Zoey’s boyfriend and now you want me to drop it when you were the one who involved me in it in the first place!?”

“Faith, don’t get mad. I talked to her about it and I think it was just a misunderstanding. We all should just move on.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Anna wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to talk her out of confronting Elise or trying to find a reason behind her flirtatious behavior before she did it. I was at a loss for words.

“Look, I talked to her about it and I really don’t think she was doing it on purpose. She said she felt like the three of us were neglecting her and it was a defense mechanism; that she felt horrible after it happened and decided to take some time to herself to assess why she did it. I believe her so we should just move on, okay. She seemed really remorseful about it.”

“Was Zoey around?”

“She wasn’t in earshot and she was talking to Wesley at her table, she didn't notice if that's what you mean. So, anyway, I told Elise that you and I would have a girl’s night with her this weekend. I think she’ll really like that Faith. You’ll come, right?”

“I wish you would have asked me first,” I sighed, “but yeah, I’ll go.”

Anna squealed with happiness and I had to hold the phone away from my head to avoid hearing damage.

“It’s going to be really awkward, though.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, she knows I know, right?”

“Yes…”

“I never got the chance to talk to her about it because she’s been avoiding my calls. Now there’s going to be this big elephant in the room.”

“I’m sure it will be fine, Faith.”

I love Anna, but her optimism was bordering on denial at this point.

After we talked for a little bit longer, Anna had to go, Theo had just arrived with some food she’d been craving and she couldn’t bear to hold off from devouring it any longer.

I laughed as I said good-bye and then realized Sean had sent me a text:

I’ve been thinking about you. Love you. –S

I smiled and replied with an “I love you too” text but felt a touch of disappointment while doing so. Ever since Sean and I had decided to stay together, he’d been really reluctant to become physical. It’s gotten to the point where I can sense he’s uncomfortable when I kiss him. I know it’s because he’s afraid that any hint of intimacy will lead to sex and he might actually end up hurting me but I’m still disappointed. We’d been making all of these steps forward and I thought, maybe stupidly, that now that we had both expressed being in love with each other Sean’s impotence would magically disappear like he expected it to. The truth is I’ve been able to coax Sean into having sex twice since that day and both times weren’t any different than before. Granted, he didn’t fly into a rage but we were both disappointed about it and I could tell he was trying hard to not let it get to him.

We’re supposed to go on a date tomorrow and I think we need to have “the talk” about where our relationship is headed. I think it will help Sean in some way if he knows that I see a future with him.

Author's Note

Hello friends!

I've been in the process of travelling as well as having a very busy week so I haven't had time to write at all. I think the next post will be up on Friday, but it's possible that there will be one sooner than that. We should regain the regular Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule next week. Also, I'll be making an announcement pretty soon that will affect the storyline of this blog. I just wanted to give everyone a heads up because the next Author's Note is going to be really important and you'll all definitely want to make sure to read it (no, the blog is not ending).

-del

UPDATE:

No post today. I've been fighting off the flu since I got back from my trip. Sorry.

Progress

I walked home from work yesterday and found Sean waiting on my building’s stoop. One of his hands had a small bandage wrapped around it.

“Damn it, Sean." I murmured when I saw him. I wasn't really in the mood for a face to face conversation with him.

He stood up hesitantly and I debated on whether I should just turn around and walk away. I decided to just get everything over with and break up with him on the spot.

"I’m surprised you didn't just use the key I gave you.”

“I didn’t think it would be appropriate considering it would have probably been even more frightening to find me in your apartment waiting for you.”

“Here,” I said giving him his key back, it still had the red ribbon attached to it, “I’ll take mine back too.”

He handed me my key but refused to take his back.

“I’d rather you keep it.” He said. He gently pushed my hand towards me.

I looked at my hand; the ribbon that was hanging out of it.

“What am I supposed to do with a key I never plan on using again, Sean?”

“Maybe you will use it again," I rolled my eyes and started walking up the steps, but Sean lightly touched my arm to stop me, "Will you please let me explain?”

I analyzed Sean closely. It would have been easier if we just let go right there but he looked like he was hurting and I felt like I owed it to both of us to have some closure.

“Okay.” I said, Sean looked extremely surprised at my answer and followed me up to my apartment.

“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked once I had put all of my stuff down and fed Murphy.

“No, I don’t need anything.”

“How long have you been waiting for me?”

“I came here after I left your office….so about six hours.” He sat down on my couch and I noticed how ragged he looked.

I sat in an armchair facing him to hear what Sean had to say.

“I’m sorry about the way I acted. I’ve never expressed my anger like that before; I don’t really know why that happened.”

I cocked my head and searched his eyes. He was choosing his words very carefully.

“Actually, I do know why it happened, but it will never happen again and I’m sorry that I scared you. This was my fault and I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m going to go now.” He made to get up.

“That’s it?” He sat back down and I raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“You’re not going to tell me why you almost punched me in the face?” I asked; he winced at my words.

“I was angry.”

“Really?” I said sarcastically, “Could’ve fooled me.”

“My body isn’t working the way it’s supposed to and over time I’ve been getting more frustrated about it. I was trying to hold in my emotions and obviously that wasn't a very good idea.”

“Sean, I don’t understand. I told you not feel bad because I don’t care about whether you have these problems or not so-”

“It’s not like that Faith…I’m not working right. Something is wrong with me.”

Sean put his head in his hands and started rocking back and forth. I instinctively sat beside him and comforted him while simultaneously questioning if that was a good idea. I put my arm around his shoulder and touched his arm with my free hand.

“Nothing is wrong with-”

“You don’t understand!” He wailed and started rocking much faster. He started bouncing his leg up and down and taking deep breaths…it was pretty clear he was trying not to cry and doing a very bad job of it. I was shocked, to be honest.

“Then explain it to me.” I said desperately, “I want to understand you.”

“Faith…” Sean lowered his hands, his eyes were puffy; he grabbed both of my hands and looked down at them, “There’s something wrong with me-”

A wave of anxiety hit me and I blurted out, “Are you sick? Do you have cancer or something?”

“No, it’s nothing like that, I’ve been tested for everything,” He looked at me and saw the fear in my eyes, “Faith, I’m in love with you…but I still can’t-”

“Oh.” He'd said it so fast and so sadly that I had a hard time processing it.

“I don’t know why. I’ve always been able to perform with other women I’ve been in love with.”

“How long have you known?” I couldn't stop myself from asking him.

“That I’m in love with you?”

I nodded and looked down at his hands which were still holding mine. I touched the bandage on his hand gingerly, there was a large bruise that had feathered from underneath it and I wondered if it was broken.

“Awhile. I realized it the night when I asked you if you wanted to know what Dr. Deerhorn and I talk about and you said no. I wanted to tell you sooner but then your brother left and now this thing with Elise…I didn’t want to make you feel bad.”

“Why do you think that would have made me feel bad?”

“Because I knew that if you didn’t feel the same way you would feel guilty and I didn’t want to make you feel worse with everything else going on.”

“Sean!” I threw my hands over his shoulders while he looked at me with confusion, “I love you too! I didn’t want to tell you because I thought it would exacerbate your problems and put unnecessary pressure on you to make progress with everything! I’ve known since my brother left-”

I kissed Sean as soon as I got the words out and he kissed me back passionately as I ran my fingers through his hair. It was like I was being kissed for the first time and I realized I was crying when we finally broke apart. Sean was holding my face in his hands and wiped away my tears with his thumbs.

“Why are you-“

“I’m happy. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long…it’s been horrible.” I said laughing.

He kissed my forehead and pulled me into a hug.

“This doesn’t change the fact that I almost hurt you and that I’m still having problems.”

“I know…but you’re still seeing Dr. Deerhorn, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe this is something that you should bring up.”

“I will. I've just been so mad at myself and now this stuff with Gerry, it's been so overwhelming.”

“Sean, I know how that must feel for you, but,” I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, “what happened last night can never happen again. I will leave and never look back. I’m not going to be with you if you can’t control your anger. I refuse to be in that kind of a relationship.”

“I understand.”

We decided it would be better if Sean didn’t stay, he had a gig to get to anyway and considering the developments with Gerry, Sean didn’t want to rock the boat by being late. Before he left, though, I walked him to my door to say good-bye.

"Can you even play?" I asked indicating his hand.

"Yeah, it's not broken, just really sore. I'll manage. I went to the ER about an hour after you left for x-rays." He said laughing.

"That was so dumb." I giggled while holding his hand and examining it.

"Right? Who punches a wall?" He smiled and then became serious, "Gerry's going to notice this. I don't know what I'm going to tell him."

"It's not really his business is it?"

"No, I guess it isn't. I'm still going to need to tell him something, though. I'll just tell him I punched a wall after he laid out his demands...maybe he'll feel guilty." Sean smiled at the thought.

“I love you.” He said giving me a kiss.

“I love you, too.” I looked down just after Sean left, he'd slipped the red ribbon over my left ring finger, his key was dangling beneath it, I smiled and closed the door.

Smash, Crash, and Dash

I called Anna to see if she confronted Elise at work but she wasn’t answering her phone and I decided to drop it. She’d call me when she had something to say. In addition to that, Suzy and Dina were both invited to interview with Veronica so I’m really excited for them. I really hope they both get the jobs that are open because I don’t really know when we’ll have another permanent open writing position and I really do miss seeing them every day. Steve and I have come up with a general policy guideline for the paper but it’s still under review by Veronica and her bosses (we were supposed to have our two interns helping us with it, but they were put to use elsewhere instead). We’ll get any edits, suggestions, or comments on it soon.

Now that we’ve covered all the bases I guess I should get to what I’ve been up to over the past few days: I’m going to dump Sean. We’re done.

I went to his apartment last night because he had a gig-free night and I decided to cook him dinner. When I showed up to his apartment (with my new key) and a bag of groceries he was in the shower. I decided to be spontaneous and left the groceries on the counter, snuck into the bathroom, and tried to join him but he didn’t look too excited about it. He basically got out less than five minutes after I jumped in which didn’t set a very good tone for the rest of our night. When I came out of his bathroom he had already started chopping up some of the vegetables.

“How was your day?” I asked sliding my hands around his waist from the back.

“It was fine.” I let go of him.

“Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Well then why are you being so cold and short with me all of a sudden?”

He shrugged.

“Do you regret giving me a key?” I asked. It was the only thing that had changed between us since I saw him last.

“What? No!” Sean turned around from his chopping.

“What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything…”

“Sean!” I said exasperatedly, “What is the problem? Will you please talk to me?”

He stared at the floor.

“I should go.” I made to walk to the bathroom where my clothes were waiting for me.

“Gerry wants me to end it.” I stopped.

“End what?”

“This….our relationship.”

“I see,” I blinked hard.

“I told him no and he said he was going to have me replaced if I didn’t get my act together. He’s already talked to Guy about kicking me out of the band.”

“Can…can he do that?”

“Well, we all started it together so Gerry wants all the guys to agree to it before he makes the final decision.”

“Will they?”

“I don’t think so.”

“But you’re worried they will. Which means…”

“I am not considering Gerry’s demands, Faith.” He looked at me, leaned on the counter, and crossed his arms.

“Demands…as in more than one?”

“Yeah. Gerry wants me to stop seeing Dr. Deerhorn, he wants me to break up with you, and he wants me to sign over the copyrights to one of my songs so some other band under his label can use it instead.”

“But if Jake and Eddie knew what he was doing they wouldn’t stand for it. Why should Gerry have a say in your personal life?”

“Gerry’s job is to make sure the band stays intact. He says that I’m not as focused because of you and Dr. Deerhorn and it’s putting the band at risk. If he convinced Jake and Eddie about that….I don’t really know what they would do.”

We were quiet for awhile. I didn’t really know what to say.

“I’m going to try and convince the guys to look into a replacement for Gerry instead. Either that or I could just lie about you and Dr. Deerhorn and sign my song over to get him off my back.”

“Sean you shouldn’t have to do that.”

“What else am I supposed to do Faith? If I follow through with what he wants I’m going to be losing one of the best relationships I’ve ever had. Where does the line get drawn? What happens if we do break up and I find someone else and Gerry doesn’t approve of them? Does the band have to be sacrificed just so I can find happiness? To Gerry it does. Everyone else is allowed to do what they please except me!”

Sean was getting upset and I walked over to him and gave him a hug.

“This is one of the best relationships I’ve been in, too.”

“Even with all of my…problems?”

I nodded.

We stood in his kitchen embracing for awhile when I asked, “So what are you going to do? I don’t want you to give up your job to be with me. I won’t let that happen.”

“I’m going to talk to Jake and Eddie about it first. If I have them on my side, I’ll be able to better assess my options.”

“Okay.” I said.

Sean gave me a kiss and then turned around to continue chopping vegetables while I went to get dressed. Our dinner was ready in a few minutes after that and we sat down to enjoy it. Sean told me about a song he was trying to write and I told him about work and feeling good about the policy guidelines Steve and I were writing. Then we decided to go see a movie and when we got back Sean was in a very frisky mood.

He basically pulled me to his bedroom as soon as we walked into his apartment and I was giggling because Sean wasn’t usually like this. Within a few minutes we had our clothes off and were getting busy but as soon as Sean lost it there was a brief pause and before I could register what had happened Sean punched his fist into the pillow my head was lying on and scared the crap out of me. Without reacting to how close he had come to hitting me, Sean rolled off of me and sat on the opposite side of the bed. He was breathing hard and I wrapped myself in a bed sheet trying to figure out what to do.

I got up and edged closer to him; trying to put my hand on his shoulder.

“Sean it’s-”

“NO IT’S NOT!”

He threw my hand away, stood up, and kicked a box that was lying on the floor across his room. I slid off the bed and pressed myself up against the opposite wall, still wrapped in sheets, and absolutely terrified. Sean started pacing in his bedroom while I slowly started picking up my clothes and putting them on; he barely noticed. I grabbed my shoes when he punched his bedroom wall and ran out of his apartment, hailed a taxi, and immediately started trembling with shock and fear.

To top things off, Sean came to my work today to try and explain himself but I had Steve send him away without seeing him. I’ve never been so scared in my life and I don’t want to be with someone who loses their temper that fast and nearly hits me which is why I’m going to call him tonight and tell him we’re over.

The Engagement

As expected, Anna called me the day after our date to grill me about what happened after she dropped us off and why I seemed so sad about being in love with my boyfriend.

“Did you guys get into a fight?” She asked anxiously.

“Uh…almost but not really. He told me that he thinks I’m too good for him and is waiting for me to leave him for someone better and I told him that I wasn’t really looking for anyone else. I almost told him I loved him…but then I chickened out.”

“Oh. Speaking of which-“

“It’s complicated Anna, I can’t really get into the details without breaking Sean’s trust.”

“You can’t even try to explain it?”

I sighed, I felt bad, Anna was the only person besides Elise who didn’t know about Sean’s impotence issues and if she ever found out about that I know she would feel really offended…I mean, even Theo knows about this.

“I guess I can try….Sean…is afraid of commitment…so he won’t open himself up to me fully until he’s in love with me but I’m afraid that if I say it first it’ll put more pressure on him and he’ll have even more commitment issues.”

“I guess I can see the reasoning behind that.”

“I called Elise, by the way…”

“WHAT!? WHY!? You said you wouldn’t tell her what I told you!”

“I didn’t tell her anything, Anna. I just realized that I haven’t been a very present friends since I started dating Sean, so I thought I’d invite her to lunch so we could catch up and stuff. It doesn’t matter anyway…she hasn’t returned my calls. I think she’s ignoring both of us.”

“Wow…I wonder if she’s ignoring Zoey, too. They have to work together on a shoot next week and it’ll be really awkward if Elise won’t even look in her direction. She’s probably still talking to her though, Zoey would have mentioned it to me if she wasn’t.”

“Is Wesley going to be there too?”

“Yeah. I might come up with an excuse to go down there…Elise wouldn’t ignore me in front of Zoey, would she? She wouldn’t want Zoey to get suspicious and start asking questions.”

“Oh, Anna, I don’t think that’s-“

“She won’t talk to anyone else, Faith. I am not going to watch her ruin one of the best relationships Zoey has ever had. What if she had been hitting on Sean?”

I could see Anna’s point but I also think that if Anna uses Zoey’s presence to force Elise to talk to her, things are going to be absolutely awful for all four of us. Just then someone hit my buzzer and I told Anna I had to go, hung up, and opened the door to find Sean standing in my hallway.

“Hey,” I said.

He walked in, gave me a kiss, and then walked me into my living room. We sat on the couch and Sean rubbed Murphy’s back to get him to stop meowing over his arrival.

“I’ve got a present for you.” He said smiling. I looked at him with confusion.

“Why?”

“I can’t give my girlfriend a gift?” He said reaching into his coat pocket.

Sean pulled out a black velvet jewelry box and placed it on my knee. He watched my face closely as I looked down and realized what it was. I picked it up with a little bit of fear and panic; if this was an engagement ring…it seemed a little premature and I would have to turn him down.

“Are you going to open it?”

“Uh…what’s in it?”

“Just open it, Faith.”

I pulled the box open and saw a flash of silver tied to a red ribbon. It took me a moment to realize what exactly was in the box.

“A key?”

“It’s a key to my apartment. I thought that you should have one since you’ve been spending so much time there.”

“Oh,” relief washed over me.

“Here, where are your keys? I’ll put it on your key loop.” Sean extended his hand so he could take the key from me.

I handed it to him and pointed to my purse sitting on the armchair next to my couch. He slipped the key on the loop and then slid off the couch.

“What are you doing?”

“Freaking you out even more.” He said. He got on one knee, took my left hand, and slipped the key loop over my ring finger, “Faith will you do me the honor of taking this key to my apartment.”

“Oh, shut up!” I said hitting him with a throw pillow, “What was I supposed to expect? You put the thing in a ring box!”

“I thought it was a fun idea….” He said pulling me onto the floor and holding my arms down so I couldn’t hit him with the pillow anymore, “Just because you had a panic attack doesn’t mean it wasn’t funny to me.”

I moved my left hand from his and held it out, “It looks good, right?” I said looking at my hand as if it had a ring on it.

Sean laughed and gave me a kiss which quickly developed into a pretty heated make out session. It wasn’t long until his hands started moving up my legs and eventually my dress where he put his guitar-playing skills to work. After we got done, well, after I was done, Sean lifted himself off of me and helped me get up.

“I have to go,” he said, sounding disappointed, “Gerry will be really angry if I’m late again.”

“Okay,” I said, I wanted to ask Sean what exactly was going on with Gerry, but it wasn’t the best time to ask him.

He stood in my doorway, not wanting to leave and things were teetering on the verge of having another make out session when I stopped him.

“Do you want a key?” I asked.

“Not if you don’t want to give it to me…”

“Just a minute.” I walked into my kitchen where I had a bill box with an extra key hanging off of it, grabbed it, and met Sean at my door. I pressed it into his hand, gave him a kiss, and then sent him on his way so Gerry wouldn’t get angry again.

What I like about you

I had been thinking about what Sean had said about Elise at my spontaneous sleep over and decided to call her to try and make plans with her for next week but she didn’t answer her phone. I tried calling three different times throughout the day and eventually just ended up leaving a message saying that I’ve missed her and would like to go to lunch to catch up sometime. Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I have the feeling that Anna isn’t the only person Elise is refusing to talk to.

I put the thought out of my head as I got ready for my double date with Anna and Theo. Sean was going to pick me up at my apartment and, to be honest, I think I was looking forward to just being with him again more than I was our double date. That’s weird, right? I mean I just saw Sean; I should not be on the verge of extreme happiness at being able to see him a little over 24 hours later.

Anyway, I skimmed my closet and settled on a black and cobalt blue cocktail dress and some black sandal platform pumps. The dress’s blue straps crisscrossed in the back and the black skirt was lined with the same blue fabric. I put my hair up into a casual pony tail and spritzed on some apple-scented perfume as a final touch. I sent Sean a text telling him I was going to meet him outside. He hadn’t arrived yet but the weather was nice and I wanted to get out of my apartment. I said good-bye to Murphy before locking my door and walking down the stairs.

When Sean walked up I was a little surprised. He was dressed in a black buttonless blazer with a gray t-shirt underneath, dark jeans, and a pair of gray Chucks (this is Sean’s sense of formal and it totally works for him). I wasn’t surprised at how good he looked; I was surprised because he’d done his hair in a really weird way. It was too neat for Sean and honestly…it reminded me of Kevin. I wasn’t a fan and it made me really uncomfortable because all I could think about was Kevin and what had happened the last time I’d seen him.

“Hey,” He said giving me a kiss on the forehead and slipping his arm around my waist.

We started walking and, like a complete goon, I couldn’t stop smiling now that we were together.

“You’re in a good mood…did you talk to Elise?”

I stopped smiling and shook my head, “I couldn’t get a hold of her on the phone. I left a message, though, so hopefully she calls me soon.”

“Oh…”

I stopped walking and Sean turned to me, “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, I just need to do this, it’s bothering me.” I pulled Sean by the lapels of his blazer for a deep kiss and then threw my arms over his shoulders. While he was distracted I made sure to ruffle up his hair and I started smiling at my cleverness.

“Do you really hate it that much?” Sean said without breaking the kiss.

“You have no idea.” I laughed.

We resumed walking again and eventually met up with Anna and Theo at an Americana type of restaurant. When I saw them I could not contain my excitement! Anna is starting to show! She’s nearly four months along and is the cutest pregnant lady I’ve ever seen. She had her hair blown out and was a wearing a very demure pink dress that showed her baby bump very nicely. Theo was absolutely beaming, he looked like he was glowing more than Anna was.

We settled in to dinner and I can honestly say that tonight was one of the best nights I’ve had in such a long time. Anna was sharing pregnancy stories with me while Theo and Sean talked about the band and travelling, somehow the conversation turned to dancing.

“Oh, we haven’t gone in a really long time! I’m really excited to go listen to music tonight; Theo promised he would dance with me.” Anna said nudging Theo a little. He blushed.

“You know I think the last time I went dancing was when I…” my eyes slid to Sean and suddenly I was the one blushing. Sean choked on the water he was drinking when he realized what I was talking about.

Sean met me the night Zoey, Anna, Elise, and I had gone out to get me out of my Kevin funk and I had danced to his band’s music before we hooked up in a bar bathroom. Before that…I had met Kevin during one of our dancing nights, too, although I had only made out with Kevin, then. Apparently, my dancing skills attract men easily.

“OH.” Anna said, realization spreading on her face. She looked from Sean to me and smiled sheepishly. Theo was the only one who didn’t know what we were talking about. He had a look of utter bewilderment on his face.

“Sean and I met the last time Anna and I were out dancing, Theo,” I reached across the table to pat his hands and laughed.

“That was quite an eventful night…” Sean trailed off; he rubbed the back of his head which ruffled his hair up even more.

After some more conversation over dinner, we lost track of time and Sean had to leave before we could get our check.

“Aw, geez,” Sean said looking down at the 5^th text message he got from Gerry in the past 15minutes, “I gotta go, guys, how about I’ll meet you when you get over there, my manager is going to have a stroke if I don’t leave right now.”

“That’s fine, you’re the big rock star, after all, we’ll see you there, Sean.” Anna said.

Sean gave me kiss and handed me a wad of money under the table before hurrying out of the restaurant. I put his money in my purse and paid with a credit card about thirty minutes later (Anna was eating for two, now and as such she had a lot of food to eat. Theo and I were all too willing to help her out, though because it was so delicious). Once we made it to the bar, I grabbed a table for us while Anna ran to the bathroom.

“Theo…I don’t really want to bring this up….but you’re not going to bring up that thing we talked about, right?”

“Never….can we actually pretend that that particular conversation never took place? Cause I would really like that….”

I nodded as he reached for the drink menu laying the table and Anna rejoined us. We gave Theo our drink orders (Anna and I got ginger ales and Theo got a beer) and while he was at the bar she gave me her run-down of what she thought of Sean.

“He’s really great Faith and I am digging this music, he said he writes it himself, right?”

“Yeah he does…”

“Did-did I say something wrong?” Anna asked searching my eyes.

“No…I just…he is great, Anna…I’m in love with him.”

“Why do you look so sad then?”

“It’s…complicated.” I said sighing at what a lame explanation that was.

“Well, you can expect a phone call from me soon drilling you about it since you’re being so vague wi- thanks sweetie!”

Theo slid into the booth with our drinks right at that moment and Anna covered well. We listened to Sean’s band play and then they finally had a break so he came over and sat next to me. I opened my purse and placed Sean’s money in his hand under the table.

He looked at me, confused, and I waved him off and whispered, “It’s not a big deal. Dinner was my treat.” He shoved the money back in his pocket and shrugged.

Just then I saw Jake and Eddie across the room and waved them over to say hi (Guy was outside talking to his girlfriend on the phone and Gerry was sulking in a corner looking at his iPhone and constantly checking his watch).

“Faith! And how are you on this fine evening?” Jake said leaning on our booth. Eddie came up behind him and stood next to Sean.

“Hello Jake and Eddie. How are the wedding plans going?” They smiled at each other and we shared a laugh. I realized that Anna and Theo didn’t know anyone from Sean’s band so I took the liberty to introduce them.

“Jake, Eddie, this is my friend Anna and her husband Theo, we just had dinner with together and I wanted to introduce them to your music.”

“Ah, so that’s where you were. No wonder Gerry’s pissed.” Jake said to Sean as he shook hands with Anna and Theo.

Jake and Eddie excused themselves to go see some friends hanging out at the bar. I opened my mouth to ask Sean, what exactly Jake meant about Gerry when a waiter came over with a beer.

“Ma’am, this was sent to you by the guy over there.” He pointed to a blonde guy in a green shirt leaning against the bar about 15 feet down from our table. The waiter slid the beer in my direction and I looked from the waiter, to the blonde guy, and then to Sean with a look of confusion on my face. I could see the gears tuning in Sean’s head as he looked at me and then at the guy standing near the bar. Sean raised his eyebrow at the smug look on the guy’s face, grabbed the beer, toasted him, and drank it. Anna and Theo were sharing an uncomfortable moment on their side of the table, so I decided to try and make a joke about what had just happened.

“What kind of loser does that?”

“Yeah…did he actually think that you would have…I mean…who actually thinks that works…” Anna said trying to help me out.

Sean put the bottle down, gave me a kiss, and left to go back on stage; his break was up. I was a little relieved when Sean left because the tension of the whole situation went with him. When the waiter came by I made it a point to make him take the beer away and made sure I shot a disgusted look at the guy who had had the audacity to send it over to me.

After awhile, a new band took over for the night and Sean rejoined our table.

“Do you want a water or something?” I asked him.

“No, I think I owe you a dance, though, right?”

“That means I’m going to have to keep my promise,” Theo said in mock annoyance.

Anna clapped and bounced in her seat as Theo started edging out of the booth. Sean held my hand as he went to slide out but I held him back while Anna and Theo made their way to the dance floor.

Sean sensed what I was doing and smiled at me, “I’m fine, let’s go dance, you’ve never seen my awesome dance moves before.” He was right, we spent most of the night we met talking in a booth, making out, and exploring the different uses of a bathroom’s wall and Sean’s hotel room.

I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it if Sean really was okay so I followed him and we started dancing. Sean is pretty nerdy when it comes to his dance moves but I’ve got to admit, I had a great time. He doesn’t take himself very seriously when he’s performing so it was nice to see that it also overflows into other areas where others might be watching him. Anna and Theo were having a great time too, from what I could tell and then everything stopped being fun.

“Could I dance with you?”

Sean had just twirled me around when I heard the guy who had sent me the drink earlier.

“Dude, can you not see she’s with someone?” Sean asked, extremely irritated, there was no remnant of happiness to be found on his face.

“I asked her, not you.” He looked at me, completely ignoring Sean, who was standing behind me, “He will let you speak for yourself, right?”

I glared at the guy who had basically just ruined my evening, “I want to dance with my boyfriend, not you. Stop bothering me.”

Anna and Theo had stopped dancing and had come to stand by Sean and assess the situation.

“We should go…it’s late…” Anna said grabbing my arm and trying to pull me through the door. Theo had already started to lead Sean out.

When we got outside we started walking towards the restaurant from earlier because that’s where Anna had parked. She offered to drive us to Sean’s apartment and we accepted. I didn’t really want to go back to his apartment, but it would have been rude and ridiculously out of Anna’s way to loop around and take me back to my apartment for the night so I just bit my tongue. The car ride home was completely silent.

I followed Sean up the stairs and into his apartment and we ended up lying on top of his bed in our nice clothes, staring at the ceiling and not really knowing what to say. I kicked my shoes off after awhile and took my hair down, Sean took off his blazer and kicked his shoes off too and followed it up with a big sigh.

“Are we going to talk about what happened?” I said it a little more angrily than I meant for it to sound.

“What good would that do? It’s pretty clear what the problem is…”

“Is it?” I turned my head to look at him for the first time since we were dancing in the bar.

“Yeah…I’m not good enough and I’ll never be good enough for you.”

I sat up and looked down at Sean.

“I don’t make as much money as you, whenever we go anywhere guys look at us and wonder why you’re with someone like me, and I can’t even please you sexually! When are you going to realize this?”

“Sean, you know that none of that ma-“

“Yeah, you say that now, but what if does start to matter? What happens when you realize that I don’t deserve you? What’s going to happen when you realize that you want to be with some guy who has blonde boy band hair and wears stupid green shirts!?”

I started laughing. Sean rolled over on his side to face the wall, he was fuming. I stopped laughing and looked at Sean quietly for a moment while I contemplated how to help his insecurities about being with me. I got up off the bed, unzipped my dress, and let it fall to the ground before I walked over to the side of the room Sean was facing. He looked at me standing in my underwear and then resolutely continued to stare at the wall angrily. I sat on the edge of the bed and made Sean scoot farther over so that I could lay down with him. I reached behind myself and found his arm, wrapped it around my waist, and snuggled into the pillow we were sharing.

“I would never want to dance with a guy who purposely makes other people feel bad. I don’t like it when men just send drinks over to me, it’s presumptuous and it makes me feel like they just want to get me drunk. I hate boy band hair, it reminds me of the nineties and I really don’t want to relive that. I prefer gray shirts and black blazers over day-glow colors.”

I turned so I was facing Sean; he was trying not to smile.

“But most of all, Sean, I love…being with you.” I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t bring myself to tell Sean the truth about what exactly I loved…but it seemed to be enough for him.

He pulled me closer to him and I kissed him.

“Are you still worried that some loser is going to steal me away from you?” I asked after awhile.

“No…you’re not an object to steal, Faith. I’m worried you’re going to realize I’m not good enough for you some day and I’m not prepared for that day to come.”

“I’m not looking for anyone else, Sean. I want you…you’re just going to have to accept that. The real question is how I got so lucky to have you as my boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry…as your what?” Sean was smiling at me and I started kissing him again.

“As my really hot-“

“Uh-huh.”

“Sexy-“

“Yeah?”

“Talented-“

“Oh, that was a good one.”

“Funny-“

“You’re really good at this.”

“Boyfriend.” I said by the time I reached his t-shirt collar. He scrambled to take off his shirt awkwardly, which made me laugh, and then he pulled my leg around his waist and shifted to be on top of me.

We made it a little farther than we had the last time we tried to have sex, but in the end it didn’t happen for the same reason as last time. He was a lot more upset about it this time, though, probably because of what had happened earlier in the night. I had to build up his confidence again before he finally fell asleep.

Surprise for Sean

Sean sent me text after a gig the other night and it was just a really sweet gesture:

I was thinking about you a lot today. Hope work wasn’t too hectic. Sleep well and make sure to have lots of dirty dreams about me, because I know I’ll be doing the same…only with you…not me...that would just be weird. –S

I laughed and looked down at Murphy who mewed at the noise and was lazily moving his tail up and down in the rhythm of my hand strokes on top of his head. I smiled at him and thought about how sick he was just a few months ago and how much healthier he was now. It was a rare moment to have Murphy content like this, usually when we’re alone he’s so full of energy and dying for attention that I have to throw a cat nip mouse up my hallway so he’ll chase it and get tuckered out at an appropriate time. I’ve noticed that if at night Murphy will yowl around my apartment for hours. I think the yowling at night has something to do with his past. Since he only does at night, I think Murphy is afraid of the dark. It kind of makes sense…he was found inside a wet bag on the edge of creek after being stuck inside it for days, it was probably really dark inside of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if Murphy doesn’t like the dark because of his past but also because he doesn’t know that the darkness will eventually end, he probably yowls all night because he doesn’t know if the light will ever come back…you guys, my cat is afraid of the dark…my poor little guy. I know I sound like a pet psychologist but I think I’m on to something.

Normally, I like to sleep with my bedroom door closed and after I brought him home Murphy would sleep at the top of his kitty castle in the corner of my living room (he was so out of it on those medicines that he was asleep all the time, so I never noticed this behavior before). It wasn’t until recently that he started doing the night yowling and I was really worried about him so I let him sleep with me, but I was worried about keeping my door closed at night with him stuck in my bedroom with no access to food, water, or his kitty box, so once he stopped yowling (after sleeping my bedroom, specifically, on my head, for a few nights) I thought he’d be fine to go back to his kitty castle again. Well…that did just not fly with Murphy. To make a long story short, Murphy now sleeps with me at night (and I keep my door closed, he seems to be fine during the night so I guess my worry wasn’t necessary) and to make sure he sleeps well I’ve been exercising him so he’s tired by the time I’m ready to sleep. I’ve been trying this for about a week and he hasn’t roamed around the house meowing all night since then. It’s weird though, when Sean is here Murphy is always really mellowed out.

Anyway I was stroking Murphy and he was purring, which was his signal for bed time and I got an idea about Sean’s text message. I picked Murphy up and gently placed him on my pillow while I went to shower. After about thirty minutes, I had packed a small overnight bag, got dressed (which is a major overstatement), wrapped myself in a black mini trench coat, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door.

“What are you doing here? Is something wrong? It’s nearly three in the morning? Is Anna okay? Did she have another-“

“Everything’s fine.” I said. Sean was standing at his door with gray pajama bottoms on, his hair a tousled mess. He was rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

I was standing in his hallway and leaned against the wall while I untied my trench coat’s belt. When I opened the jacket, Sean wasn’t as sleepy as before.

I had worn the naughtiest pieces of lingerie I owned; a black and red lace corset top that was completely sheer with black thigh-high stockings, a nearly invisible thong, and black pumps.

Sean’s mouth hit the floor.

“Still sleepy?” I asked.

Sean looked up and down his hallway before walking from his apartment, throwing me over his shoulder, and hurrying to his bedroom. I really thought that if I surprised Sean (which seems to turn him on, from what I’ve observed) we might actually be able to have sex, unaided, and without an embarrassing experience for him and the truth is…we almost did.

Sean was pretty ready to go by the time he got my top off and we both looked down and then at each other when we realized what exactly was going on. I could tell that Sean seemed kind of relieved by the fact that we hadn’t hit a stumbling block yet and, of course, exceptionally happy about it. He was really interested in kissing me at that moment (out of happiness more than sexual passion, I think) and I took the opportunity to slip my hands down to his pajamas and in between the waistband, he was definitely prepared. Things started moving along at a faster pace than before and I couldn’t believe that we actually started having real sex, not oral, but real sex. It was short-lived though, Sean lost it and after 15 minutes of me vigorously trying to get things back on track, it was pretty clear that things would not be headed in that direction for the rest of the night.

If I’m being honest, I kind of just wanted to pout and be disappointed and whine and bang my fists against the bed while I threw a tantrum but I quickly realized how terrible that would make Sean feel and how ridiculous of a reaction it would be, so I settled for laying down and cuddling with Sean (who needed a few minutes to process what had just happened and overcome the humiliation).

“We have a date with Anna and Theo on Saturday,” I said to try and take Sean’s thoughts off of what happened, “We’re going to meet for dinner at a place Anna is going to choose and then go watch the band play.”

“Awesome, how is Anna?”

I had hit a moral dilemma…Anna asked me not to talk to anyone about what she’d told me but Sean is my boyfriend (who I’m in love with) and I debated whether or not I should tell him just to get everything off of my chest.

“Well….”

“Girl problems?” He asked raising his eyebrows and running his fingers down my arm which made me shiver in a good way.

“Yeah. She caught Elise hitting on Zoey’s boyfriend, like out right hitting on Zoey’s boyfriend.”

“Did Elise know-“

“That Zoey was dating him? Oh yeah.”

“Damn.”

“Right!?”

“What’s that all about?”

“I have no idea, Anna has forbidden me from telling anyone.”

“But…you just told me.”

“Yeah but you’re my boyfriend. I’m sure Anna tells Theo things that Zoey and I ask her to keep to herself. Besides, it’s not like you are ever going to bring it up to Zoey, Anna, or Elise, right?”

“Of course not. But….” Sean trailed off.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“No, what were you going to say?”

“It’s not a big deal…but Theo and Anna are married.”

“So?”

“I just kind of liked the fact that you compared us to them.”

“Why?” I asked turning to look up at him.

“Cause Anna seems really happy, or at least she did when I met her. She seems like she’s in a really strong marriage and now she’s about to have a kid…she just seems like she’s happy all the time and has everything she wants even if it’s not completely perfect. I like Anna and Theo.”

“You’ve never even met Theo.” I said laughing.

Sean intertwined his fingers with mine and looked into my eyes.

“Yeah, but someone who makes the person they’re in a relationship with as happy as Anna is…well, they just seem like they’ve got to be a great person, too. Do you see the way she looks when she talks about him?”

I was momentarily surprised at how perceptive Sean was in regards to the people around him and how lucky I truly was to be with him.

“Yeah, I have,” I said, “She looks the same way Zoey does when she talks about Wesley.”

“Maybe Elise just feels jealous…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you, Anna, and Zoey are all in relationships, right? Maybe she just feels like she can’t relate to you guys because she’s the only one who isn’t in one. I mean…since we started dating you spend most of your free time with me, maybe she just feels like she’s being forgotten about and flirting with Zoey’s boyfriend was a way for her to make herself feel better.”

I was shocked at how insightful Sean was being and I think he definitely had a point. I really haven’t hung out with Elise very much since Sean and I have been together so I’ve made a mental note to call her and really focus on what’s been going on in her life right now.

Thanks to the overnight bag I had brought with me, I didn’t have to leave in the middle of the night. We settled into bed and before we drifted off Sean said:

“This is really nice; you should stay over here more often.”

And then I went to sleep.

The Secret Keeper

I called Anna last night to catch up (she’s been really sick with morning sickness, hence the lack of Anna updates) and talk about going on a double-date with Sean and I.

“Do you think you’ll feel well enough to go? I don’t want you to be miserable to whole time.” I said.

“I think I’ll be okay. It’s only a few foods that can trigger the vomiting now. If we avoid going to a seafood restaurant I think it should be okay. When did you want to do this?”

“How about this weekend? We could go to dinner and then see Sean’s band, if you guys are up for that.”

“That sounds like fun. I’ll tell Theo not to make any plans and start looking for some restaurants in the area, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, that’s fine, we’ll go wherever you can go, you’re the one with food restrictions, so it’s only appropriate.”

Anna and I caught up about all sorts of things that have happened since we last spoke. Everything was fine until she brought up Elise.

“You know…I don’t think she really likes us that much.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Well…when was the last time you talked to her?”

“Last week,” I said (I really had to think about it), “But now that I think about it, she was pretty distant…I don’t even know what’s going on with her anymore.”

“Faith…I have to tell you something…but you can’t tell anyone.”

I was caught off guard by the sudden change of subject momentarily, but encouraged Anna to continue.

“Elise has basically stopped talking to me.”

“What? Why?”

“I saw her doing something she shouldn’t have and I brought it to her attention.”

I was shocked. Anna is the kind of person that usually goes to great lengths to avoid confrontation, it was incredibly out of character for her to do something like that.

“Well, what exactly did she do, Anna?”

“You can’t tell Elise that I mentioned it or she’ll be even more angry at me.” She said imploringly.

“Okay.”

“And you really can’t tell Zoey. She doesn’t know…”

“Okay…” I said, more slowly.

“Zoey was called away on another photo shoot about a week ago because the other creative director for the magazine had an allergic reaction to a bee sting and had to be rushed to the ER. Zoey’s shoot was almost done, so I offered to step in, since I used to creatively direct photo shoots before I came at the magazine, right.”

“Right.” I nodded to myself, trying to follow her story.

“When Zoey left, I noticed that Elise was outright flirting with Wesley.”

Dread washed over me like a bucket of ice water and I swallowed hard. This was not good.

“Did…did Wesley respond?”

“He didn’t condemn her behavior, if that’s what you’re asking. The thing is, I know Wesley fairly well as a co-worker, I mean I am responsible for hiring him (I forgot to mention that Anna recently got promoted, instead of just selecting the clothing the magazine chooses to feature, she’s also responsible for putting together photo shoot teams and hiring the people needed to fill those positions) and he chooses to keep things really professional. When Zoey told me that he had asked her out, I was floored because he usually doesn’t mix his work with his personal life, from what I can tell.”

“What does that even mean Anna?”

“Elise was basically throwing herself at Wesley, Faith, and he was enjoying it enough to not bother to reject her.”

“Maybe Elise didn’t know Zoey was dating him when this happened…they haven't been together all that long...”

“Oh she knew. When I pulled her aside at the end of the shoot to ask her about it she gave me a really bitchy answer and basically refused to acknowledge that she was flirting at all.”

“What did she say?”

“It doesn’t matter, the fact is that she knew Zoey was dating Wesley and, frankly, that seems to be the only reason, to me, that Elise is even interested in him. She’d never noticed him before last week.”

I was floored. Elise always seemed to go after questionable guys and she definitely expresses her attraction to men more freely than most people, but to go after her friend’s boyfriend just seems like a really low thing to do.

“Faith?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not going to tell Zoey are you?”

“No, but if this comes to a head and Zoey finds out that we know about it, she’s going to be extremely hurt and upset.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I know you and Zoey talk a lot, but I just needed to tell someone!”

“I understand.” I said glumly.

Both of us were in pretty low moods by that point and we decided to say good-bye for the night. I don’t even know how to feel about Elise’s behavior at this point. There’s no doubt that Elise and I have grown apart but how could she have changed so much?