Smash, Crash, and Dash

I called Anna to see if she confronted Elise at work but she wasn’t answering her phone and I decided to drop it. She’d call me when she had something to say. In addition to that, Suzy and Dina were both invited to interview with Veronica so I’m really excited for them. I really hope they both get the jobs that are open because I don’t really know when we’ll have another permanent open writing position and I really do miss seeing them every day. Steve and I have come up with a general policy guideline for the paper but it’s still under review by Veronica and her bosses (we were supposed to have our two interns helping us with it, but they were put to use elsewhere instead). We’ll get any edits, suggestions, or comments on it soon.

Now that we’ve covered all the bases I guess I should get to what I’ve been up to over the past few days: I’m going to dump Sean. We’re done.

I went to his apartment last night because he had a gig-free night and I decided to cook him dinner. When I showed up to his apartment (with my new key) and a bag of groceries he was in the shower. I decided to be spontaneous and left the groceries on the counter, snuck into the bathroom, and tried to join him but he didn’t look too excited about it. He basically got out less than five minutes after I jumped in which didn’t set a very good tone for the rest of our night. When I came out of his bathroom he had already started chopping up some of the vegetables.

“How was your day?” I asked sliding my hands around his waist from the back.

“It was fine.” I let go of him.

“Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Well then why are you being so cold and short with me all of a sudden?”

He shrugged.

“Do you regret giving me a key?” I asked. It was the only thing that had changed between us since I saw him last.

“What? No!” Sean turned around from his chopping.

“What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything…”

“Sean!” I said exasperatedly, “What is the problem? Will you please talk to me?”

He stared at the floor.

“I should go.” I made to walk to the bathroom where my clothes were waiting for me.

“Gerry wants me to end it.” I stopped.

“End what?”

“This….our relationship.”

“I see,” I blinked hard.

“I told him no and he said he was going to have me replaced if I didn’t get my act together. He’s already talked to Guy about kicking me out of the band.”

“Can…can he do that?”

“Well, we all started it together so Gerry wants all the guys to agree to it before he makes the final decision.”

“Will they?”

“I don’t think so.”

“But you’re worried they will. Which means…”

“I am not considering Gerry’s demands, Faith.” He looked at me, leaned on the counter, and crossed his arms.

“Demands…as in more than one?”

“Yeah. Gerry wants me to stop seeing Dr. Deerhorn, he wants me to break up with you, and he wants me to sign over the copyrights to one of my songs so some other band under his label can use it instead.”

“But if Jake and Eddie knew what he was doing they wouldn’t stand for it. Why should Gerry have a say in your personal life?”

“Gerry’s job is to make sure the band stays intact. He says that I’m not as focused because of you and Dr. Deerhorn and it’s putting the band at risk. If he convinced Jake and Eddie about that….I don’t really know what they would do.”

We were quiet for awhile. I didn’t really know what to say.

“I’m going to try and convince the guys to look into a replacement for Gerry instead. Either that or I could just lie about you and Dr. Deerhorn and sign my song over to get him off my back.”

“Sean you shouldn’t have to do that.”

“What else am I supposed to do Faith? If I follow through with what he wants I’m going to be losing one of the best relationships I’ve ever had. Where does the line get drawn? What happens if we do break up and I find someone else and Gerry doesn’t approve of them? Does the band have to be sacrificed just so I can find happiness? To Gerry it does. Everyone else is allowed to do what they please except me!”

Sean was getting upset and I walked over to him and gave him a hug.

“This is one of the best relationships I’ve been in, too.”

“Even with all of my…problems?”

I nodded.

We stood in his kitchen embracing for awhile when I asked, “So what are you going to do? I don’t want you to give up your job to be with me. I won’t let that happen.”

“I’m going to talk to Jake and Eddie about it first. If I have them on my side, I’ll be able to better assess my options.”

“Okay.” I said.

Sean gave me a kiss and then turned around to continue chopping vegetables while I went to get dressed. Our dinner was ready in a few minutes after that and we sat down to enjoy it. Sean told me about a song he was trying to write and I told him about work and feeling good about the policy guidelines Steve and I were writing. Then we decided to go see a movie and when we got back Sean was in a very frisky mood.

He basically pulled me to his bedroom as soon as we walked into his apartment and I was giggling because Sean wasn’t usually like this. Within a few minutes we had our clothes off and were getting busy but as soon as Sean lost it there was a brief pause and before I could register what had happened Sean punched his fist into the pillow my head was lying on and scared the crap out of me. Without reacting to how close he had come to hitting me, Sean rolled off of me and sat on the opposite side of the bed. He was breathing hard and I wrapped myself in a bed sheet trying to figure out what to do.

I got up and edged closer to him; trying to put my hand on his shoulder.

“Sean it’s-”

“NO IT’S NOT!”

He threw my hand away, stood up, and kicked a box that was lying on the floor across his room. I slid off the bed and pressed myself up against the opposite wall, still wrapped in sheets, and absolutely terrified. Sean started pacing in his bedroom while I slowly started picking up my clothes and putting them on; he barely noticed. I grabbed my shoes when he punched his bedroom wall and ran out of his apartment, hailed a taxi, and immediately started trembling with shock and fear.

To top things off, Sean came to my work today to try and explain himself but I had Steve send him away without seeing him. I’ve never been so scared in my life and I don’t want to be with someone who loses their temper that fast and nearly hits me which is why I’m going to call him tonight and tell him we’re over.