Slip of the Tongue

Brad sent me a text to make sure we were still on for our date I didn’t really have any excuses to cancel, even if I was still bummed about the whole Murphy debacle. I told him that we were still on and he gave me the address of where we were going to meet before I pulled Molly into my room and we started selecting an outfit.

“You should wear this.” She said pulling out a sexy black wrap dress with a plunging neckline.

“No.” I said, crinkling my nose. The dress was a piece that Anna had gotten from work and gave to me after the fire. It was gorgeous and I looked super hot in it…which was the problem.

“Molly, the point is to NOT get Brad interested in dating me.”

“Faith,” she said looking at me with a not-amused look, “You are not going to show up on this date in a pair of sweat pants and a shirt with ketchup stains. You will wear sweatpants on this date over my dead body.”

“I don’t want to wear sweatpants but wearing that dress will send the wrong message.”

Molly sighed and pulled me down so I was sitting across from her on my bed.

“Faith, you know that I think it’s great that you’re dating and having fun but here’s the deal: you can’t run away from having actual relationships with people that go outside of sex.”

“I’m not running away from having a relationship.” I said.

“You’re right; you’re running away from the mere possibility.”

I looked at her indignantly.

“That’s not fair,” I said, “I don’t want a boyfriend right now, Molly. That doesn’t mean I’ll always feel that way.”

“Faith, going out on a date with Brad isn’t going to make him your boyfriend. He knows that, too. All he’s asking you for is the opportunity to get to know you better outside of work and his bed sheets. Now, go put on this damn dress!”

She handed it to me and I went to put it on while she picked out accessories. I came out and Molly whistled before handing me some bright red platform stilettos she pulled from her room and a matching red clutch purse she dug out of the back of my closet. Finally, I put on a simple silver chain drop necklace and matching earrings.

“Um, where did you get these shoes, Molly? They are SUPER slutty.”

“I had to wear them in a show I was in.”

“Which one?”

“Chicago. I was one of the women in the jail that sings about killing their lovers.”

“Are you sure they aren’t too much? I can barely walk in them.”

“You’ll be fine! I had to dance in those! You can walk in them. Now, for your hair, I’m thinking sexy waves.” Molly said holding up my hair in different styles.

“Fine.” I said realizing that arguing was going to be futile.

Molly pushed me out the door with a kiss on the cheek.

“I filled your purse with condoms!” She said waving as I walked down our hallway. Mrs. Hodges, our neighbor, was unlocking her door and heard Molly’s yell. She gave me a dirty look and I walked away trying to hide my face with my clutch completely embarrassed.

“Hi…Mrs. Hodges.” I squeaked as I walked by her to get to the stairs.

I got to the meeting place Brad had specified and saw him waiting for me. He was wearing black jeans and a tight, white shirt with a black button up shirt over it. The black shirt wasn’t buttoned, though. I could see his muscles through his undershirt because it was so tight.

“Hey.” He smiled as soon as he saw me.

“Hi.” I said wobbling slightly because of my shoes.

We stood there awkwardly for a second before I decided to just let go and allow myself to really BE on this date. I leaned into him and kissed him.

“You look amazing.” He said when we pulled away.

“Thanks.” I said putting a strand of hair behind my ear, “So, where are we going?”

Brad smiled and took my hand.

“We’re going to this really cool indoor garden place. They have a restaurant and cobblestone paths and  all sorts of other cool stuff.”

I gulped; trying to walk around in a garden, let alone on cobblestone paths, in the shoes Molly gave me was not going to be very fun.

When we got there, though, I was in awe. The garden was huge and there were swans and a butterfly garden and even a lake with a fountain in the middle of it. Fairy lights were strung between trees and there were small little paths all over the place. There was lots of privacy, too. The restaurant was on one side of the lake so you could watch swans glide across the water and play in the fountain as you ate by candlelight. It was a really romantic place but I could also see the potential of it being casual during the day or maybe even a fun spot for kids to have field trips.

“Brad this is…amazing.” I said as we stood on a bridge over a small river and watched some koi swim by, “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“I’m really glad you like it.” He said leaning over the bridge railing next to me so our arms were touching,“Are you getting hungry?”

“I am.” I said.

He grabbed my hand and we walked to the restaurant. It had white table cloths and each table was surrounded by flowers and ivy and in the center there was a large willow tree that draped over some of the tables. The hostess showed us to our table and we sat down with menus. I ended up ordering a chicken pasta dish and Brad ordered the same and a bottle of wine.

I actually had a really great time over dinner and not just because the food was good but because Brad was so funny and sincere. I told him about Murphy and he reached across the table and rubbed my arm while I talked.

“I’m so sorry it wasn’t him, Faith.

“Me, too. Molly and I had already started talking about clearing a space for his kitty castle and the litter box on the way to that clinic…- I’m sorry, talking about where my cat poops and being a downer is SO not sexy dinner talk.” I said catching myself and feeling embarrassed.

Brad laughed.

“It’s okay. Seeing you tell stories about him makes me happy.”

“Why, are you a cat person?”

“No, because you look happy when you talk about him and seeing you happy makes me happy, too.”

I blushed. I hadn’t seen this side of Brad at work. He seemed so…different on our date. He wasn’t being sarcastic or snarky at all.

When we finished dinner we went for another walk around the garden. Everything was going fine until I fell down.

“Whoa! Are you okay?” Brad asked helping me up. I had skinned my knee.

“I’m fine,” I said inspecting the damage, “It’s just these damn shoes!”

He put his arm around my waist and we continued walking. I tripped two more times before I lost it.

“That is IT!” I said taking off my shoes and walking barefoot.

Brad laughed and offered to hold them for me. We found a small pond alcove with a couple of swans gliding around.

“Here.” He said handing me a piece of bread he had saved from our dinner, “You can feed them.”

I looked at Brad with surprise before I started ripping the bread apart and throwing it into the small pond for the swans.

We sat on a rock and watched them in a comfortable silence. I laid my head on Brad’s shoulder and realized that I felt really comfortable in that moment with him. I entwined my fingers with his and pushed my feet into the grass.

“This is so relaxing.” I said.

“I thought you’d like it here.” He said looking down at me. I tipped my face up to his and we shared a long make-out session that was rudely interrupted by the loud noises the swans started making when they realized I didn’t have any more bread. It startled us so much that we both fell backwards off the rock we were sitting on and ended up in the grass with our legs up in the air.

We both started laughing hysterically before moving on to another area of the garden to watch butterflies flit about.

We left the garden much sooner than I had wanted but it was about to close and we had no choice. I put my shoes back on before we left and ended back up on the street. We ended up walking through a park that was close to my apartment. He walked me to the front of my apartment building.

“I had a nice time, Faith.”

“Me, too.” I said.

“I’ll, uh, see you at work then.” He said putting his hands in his pockets.

“You could…come upstairs.” I said slowly.

He looked like he hadn’t expected such an invitation. I hadn’t, either considering how unwilling I was to go on this date with him.

“For coffee or something.” I added quickly. I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me before he could think more about it. We ended up in the elevator with him pressed against me and his hands up my dress. My mouth was moving across his jaw line and down his neck, his stubble was rough against my face and hurt…but in a good way. When the elevator opened, Brad and I were an entwined mass and very distracted. Someone cleared their throat and we looked up.

“Hi…again…Mrs. Hodges.” I said quickly pulling Brad out of the elevator and past my neighbor. She was taking her trash out and wearing the same angry look on her face from before. As soon as the doors closed, Brad and I burst out laughing.

It took me a long time to get my door open because Brad was distracting me by kissing my neck. The apartment was empty; Molly was acting and wouldn’t be home until very late because she had some suicide hotline hours tonight after the show. I put the keys on the table we have near the door and Brad looked around. I watched him as he took it in. He looked back at me with arched eyebrows.

“It’s nice. I can tell you live here.” He said.

I kicked my shoes off before we got going again and we both laughed about it. I pulled him into my bedroom and sat him on my bed so I could take his shirts off, then I pulled off my dress as he wiggled out of his jeans before he pulled me to him. I was straddling him and kissing his neck.

“You know what the best part is?” I said between kisses.

“No, what?” He said breathing heavily.

“My headboard is against an outer wall…so my neighbors won’t hear it banging when it starts banging into the wall this time.”

We both started laughing.

“My neighbor is probably thankful that we’re here tonight instead.” He said before taking off my bra and trailing down to my chest with soft kisses…

Afterward, Brad and I laid in my bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. We were looking into each other’s eyes and I was playing with his hair.

“I’m glad I decided to go on a date with you.” I said quietly.

“I’m glad you suggested it.” He said.

“You know what’s funny? I didn’t even mean to. That text was supposed to go to Luke. I didn’t want to go at first…” I stopped talking at the look on Brad’s face.

He pulled away from me and I could see the hurt on his face.

“Wait, this was a pity date?”

“No-”

“You only agreed because you were too afraid to say you’d meant for someone else to get that message.”

“It wasn’t like th-”

“That’s a lie and you know it.” He said quietly.

“But I don’t feel that way now.” I said.

He started getting dressed.

“Brad, you don’t have to leave. Let’s talk about this.”

“No, Faith, I DO need to leave. Remember, staying the night is too much commitment for you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Brad this isn’t fair. You know that I’m not interested in having a boyfriend right now.”

“Faith, I wasn’t under the impression that I WAS your boyfriend, the only thing I DID expect from you was to be treated like you cared about me as a friend. It’s obvious you don’t care about me enough to even let me know that you weren’t interested in a date. I’m sorry I wasted your time with this pity date.”

I pulled a big sweatshirt on and followed him out into the living room.

“Brad…just let me explain.”

“I just did!” He said turning around to look at me.

“It wasn’t a pity date. I enjoyed myself tonight.”

“Faith, you usually enjoy yourself when we have sex. Are you sure enjoyed the date or did you just enjoy having sex with me like every other time we spend time together?”

“I was reluctant about going on a date with you because I was worried about you acting like this.” I said gesturing to him.

“Like what? Hurt because you couldn’t even be honest with me?” He turned to go but turned back, “You know what’s really funny? You were so worried about leading Luke on but what did you think was going to happen when you pretended like you WANTED to go on this date with me? You should have been honest with me, Faith. I would have been able to handle it. I even gave you an out! I asked you if we were still on for tonight and you chose not to back out.”

“I didn’t have a good excuse.” I said. I had regretted saying that as soon as it came out of my mouth.

Brad looked at me with complete shock and hurt.

“Faith, we are FRIENDS, you didn’t NEED an excuse to tell me that you were uncomfortable with the thought of going on a date. You could have just told me! Do you not consider me a friend?”

Brad looked so hurt and I felt so bad. I didn’t say anything and Brad took a step away from me before looking away. He nodded slowly as if he was convincing himself about something.

“Bye, Faith.” He said before he slammed the door behind him.

In hindsight, I don’t know why I didn’t tell him that I consider him a friend. I do. I consider him a great friend but maybe I’m more confused about my own feelings than I thought. I’ve been so worried about Luke’s and Brad’s feelings that I don’t think I examined mine as well as I should have. Maybe my fear of leading Brad and Luke on is more founded in the fact that I’m afraid of opening myself up to someone emotionally. I think I’ve been so focused on this idea of labeling someone as my boyfriend that I haven’t considered what actually makes someone my boyfriend and the feelings that go with being in a relationship where your boyfriend didn’t get their tour manager pregnant.

I really screwed things up.

Chips

“How did they know it was Murphy?” Zoey asked as she sped down a side street to avoid traffic.

Molly’s car is in the shop so I called Zoey and begged her to drive me to the vet clinic that claimed to have Murphy. She came as fast as she could.

“I don’t know! I just told them we’d be there! You have to hurry!”

“Faith, I’m going double the speed limit, it’s a wonder I haven’t been pulled over yet.”

I ran into the small vet clinic looking like a frantic mess followed by Molly (Zoey was parking).

“I’m Murphy’s-Murphy is my-”

“I’ll take you to see him.” A blonde nurse said and smiled gently.

I was led to the back and put in an exam room; Molly was quietly waiting next to me. A vet tech wheeled a giant plastic box into the room. It looked like a baby incubator. I put my hand over my mouth and my eyes filled with tears and Molly put her arm around me.

I looked at the nurse with confusion.

“That isn’t him. That’s not Murphy.”

“Are you sure? He’s been through a lot, he might just look different because of the burns.” The nurse said.

“Murphy is black and white.”I said looking at the very obviously brown tabby cat in the incubator.

Just then Dr. Jones walked in a shook my hand. She was a small, gray-haired woman with glasses.

“He’s going to be okay.” She said as Zoey entered the room quietly behind Molly and I.

The nurse whispered something to Dr. Jones.

“Really?” Dr. Jones asked, her eyebrows rose.

“Why did you think that was my cat?” I asked.

“That cat has a microchip in it that was traced to when you adopted him.” She said looking perplexed,“Yvonne, can you get the scanner, please?”

The nurse nodded and left the room only to return a few seconds later. She handed the object she was holding to Dr. Jones who then opened the incubator and scanned the cat’s back.

She looked at the screen and then scanned it again. She did this several more times, each time she wrinkled her forehead more and more.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” she said showing the scanner’s screen to the nurse.

“What’s the deal?” Molly said.

“This cat has two microchips in it. We’ll need to call the other owner connected to the other chip to see if they’ll claim it. But this cat also has Murphy’s chip in it, too. It has the chip registered to you and your previous address. I don’t know how this cat got a chip registered to you in it.”

“So if Murphy’s chip is in that cat…?” I said more to myself.

“I’m sorry for calling you all the way out here.” Dr. Jones said. She said some other things to Molly and Zoey before she left the room but I wasn’t listening.

I sat down in a chair and things were a blur. Zoey and Molly pulled into a diner and forced me to eat.

“Don’t worry, Faith, he could be out there somewhere.” Zoey said.

“If his chip is in that other cat, it means it’s not in him.” I said, “Which means that if he’s even alive and found, they won’t know that he has a home and an owner.”

Zoey and Molly got really quiet. None of us knew what to say.

“It would have just been easier if the firemen had been able to find his remains,” I said darkly, “It’s worse not knowing if he’s even alive, at least if they’d found his remains, I’d know and would be able to move on.”

“Have you considered adopting again? You know that I would be fine with that.” Molly said.

“I don’t want another cat! I want MY cat!” I said more loudly than was necessary.

“What if you just volunteered at some shelters,” Zoey said gently, “maybe being around more cats and dogs would help you move on.”

I shrugged her off and silently ate my food.

I’m so confused about why this whole ordeal happened. My apartment burned down because of arson and my cat is gone and breaking up with my ex-boyfriend made me emotionally unstable and a poor decision maker. Is this karma? Why can’t I just ever move on from things!? Why is there always something that happens to remind me of all of the bad stuff?

Rebirth

I woke up to a text from Brad:

              “I want to apologize for the other night.”

I wiped the sleep out of my eyes.

“Ugh, it’s too early for boy drama.” I muttered before starting a reply message.

               “You don’t have to apologize.”

I got up and brushed my teeth but when I came back I saw that he had sent me another message:

“Yes I do. I feel really bad about making you feel so uncomfortable. I don’t want things to be weird.”

I sighed and typed another reply:

“Brad, we’re both on the same page when it comes to what we have and where it’s going. Things don’t need to be weird.”

I was putting on a pair of jeans when I heard my phone buzz again.

            “We could try going on a date, though.”

I stared at my phone and cursed my sex life.

“Is this what I get for enjoying consistent orgasms!?” I shouted at the ceiling.

I began typing a reply to Brad but before I sent it I got a message from Luke:

               “Hey, beautiful, did you get your work schedule? When am I seeing you again?”

I quickly deleted my reply to Brad and started a new message.

               “I’m free Wednesday at 8.”

About three seconds later, Molly sent me a text from her room:

               “Why are you screaming about orgasms this early in the morning?”

I smirked and sent her a reply:

“Let me worry about maybe not having good orgasms anymore. You worry about Calvin’s penis.”

Finally I finished my text to Brad:

               “We can’t go on a date. You know I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now.”

I put my phone on my night stand and headed into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. Molly was in there too and she was laughing over her cup of coffee and looking at her phone.

“Did Calvin send you another sext?” I asked mockingly.

“Uh, no,” she said turning her phone to me, “First, when did I become a dude and second, when did I ever ask you out on a date?”

“OH MY GOD.” I said spilling coffee everywhere, jumping over the couch, and running in to my room to grab my phone, “NOOO! NO! NO! NO!”

Molly found me sitting next to my night stand lightly banging my head against the wall and staring at my phone with dismay.

“Problem, honeybunch?”

“I just sent a text to Brad telling him that we could go out on date this Wednesday and another text to Luke vaguely implying that he’s gay and doesn’t give me good orgasms.” I put my head on my knees.

“Did they reply?” Molly was obviously suppressing a laugh.

“This is not funny!”

“It kind of is.” She said sitting on my bed, “Did they?”

“Yes.” I whined.

“And?”

“Brad says: ‘Really? I’ll see you at 8 on Wednesday, then.” And then Luke just put a bunch of questions marks.”

“Well.” Molly said with finality and then sipped her coffee.

“I am so stupid. WHO MESSES UP TEXT MESSAGING!?”

“Your mother.”

I let out a loud wail and threw a piece of clothing at her.

“Faith, you are over-reacting. Just text Luke back and say that you were making a joke and that you’re free for a brunch date this weekend. He wouldn’t have been able to do a date on Wednesday anyway; he has shows every weekday that start at 7:30.”

“And what about Brad?”

“Go on the date with him. I don’t know why you’re resisting this. Just do it. If it’s weird, then you guys can just be friends and he can continue to give you multiple orgasms without the added complication of being your boyfriend.”

I stared at Molly unhappily.

“What? I’m not the one that doesn’t know how to send text messages.” She shrugged and laughed.

I called Zoey about what she thought I should do and she basically said the same thing as Molly. Telling Brad I meant to send Luke that message would hurt his feelings and then things would get SUPER weird. So…I guess I’m going on a date with Brad?

My phone rang and I groaned. I was sick of dealing with my phone.

“Hello?”

“It’s your mom.”

“Hi, mom.”

She asked me if I’d gotten everything squared away with the move before she got my dad on the phone, too.

“Your mom and I have been thinking and we decided to buy you a laptop. It’ll be arriving sometime this week.” My dad said.

I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that they had done that. I told them I didn’t need it and that I would buy one later but they wouldn’t take no for an answer. I thanked them repeatedly and we talked about how I’ve been dealing with everything.

“I think I’ve been doing well considering.” I said shrugging, “Everyone has been really supportive and helpful.”

“How have you been sleeping, sweetie?” My mom asked.

“Okay.” I lied. I haven’t been able to sleep well since the fire. I keep having nightmares about Murphy being caught in it.

We said good-bye after a few more minutes and I went to lay down. My phone rang again. I sighed and answered it.

“Hello?”

The person on the other end asked me what my name was. I told them and then heard them mumble something on the other end to someone around them.

“My name is Dr. Jones. I work at the Southside Hunter Street Vet Clinic. I think we might have your cat, Murphy here.”

Chemicals

I went out on a date with Luke the other night and while we made a lot of small talk, I also realized we don’t really have a lot of chemistry when we aren’t talking about him and what a great actor he is. To be honest, I was kind of bored.

We went to dinner and Luke spent about 70% of the time talking about himself or telling me stories from when he didn’t get paid to act. They were interesting but I felt like I spent the majority of the time having him talk AT me and not with me. The food was probably the best part.

Luke took me to a pretty snazzy bar that serves food (but it’s known for its drinks) and it was so good. I ordered a bread crumb-encrusted salmon with a lemony salad and Luke got some sort of rib dish. Afterward we got some ice cream and ate as we walked back to his place. Our chemistry in the bedroom is still intact and it was actually better since we both weren’t inebriated but I didn’t stay the night like I had last time.

“I had fun,” Luke said kissing me on the forehead in the door way, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I said.

He called me and wanted to go out on another date sometime this week but I hadn’t gotten my work schedule yet, so I told him I’d let him know when I was free once I got it. But I think I’ve slowly realized that I kind of don’t want to go out with him again. I was telling Cara about Luke and how luke-warm (HA!) I was feeling about and Brad overheard us.

“Boy troubles, Faith?” He smirked.

I rolled my eyes.

“I think you should try one more date.” Cara said, “Maybe he was just nervous on your last one. I know that I get nervous on dates and sometimes talk too much, I’m sure other people do, too.”

Cara left to get something from the stock room and I considered what she said. Maybe Luke had just been nervous on our date.

“If you ask me, the dude is selfish. He’s not going to get better on date two.” Brad said.

“Well I didn’t ask you.” I said not nearly as playfully as I had expected.

Brad put his hands up in mock surrender.

“Fine, I just figured since I’m a dude, maybe my advice would be welcome.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, “You really think he’s as selfish as he sounds?”

“I do.” Brad said before walking over to a customer and leaving me with my thoughts.

It was really slow so Cara left before Brad and I closed. Because I now live with Molly, Brad and I actually take the same bus to get home at night. We were sitting on the bus talking about some customers we’d had earlier until there was a slight pause and Brad looked at me.

“So is this guy your boyfriend?”

“No.” I said smiling, “Why, are you jealous?”

“Not really,” he said nudging me, “I just thought I’d ask if you wanted to come home with me.”

I thought about it and agreed. Luke isn’t my boyfriend and I don’t want a boyfriend right now. I just want to have some fun and date around for while. Being with Sean really did a number on me so I don’t like the idea of being tied down to one guy again…at least for awhile. I do think that I should tell Luke that, though, because I think I might be leading him on without really meaning to.

Brad put his arm on the back of my seat while we waited for his stop to come up. I lightly put my hand on his cheek and pulled his face to mine and then kissed him. He kissed me back softly until it was time to get off the bus. Having sex with Brad is actually better than sex with Luke and I think it’s because Brad and I have chemistry when we aren’t having sex, too. There’s just another level to what Brad and I have but at the same time, that’s not unexpected. We work together and we’re friends. Luke and I don’t work together and I barely know him.

Brad rolled off of me panting.

“You know, I’m surprised your next door neighbor hasn’t banged on the wall or anything because your headboard certainly makes a lot of noise when it bangs in the wall when we’re having sex.”

“It’s not the only one.” He said looking over at me and laughing.

“I’m vocal. I like what I like,” I said shrugging.

“It’s certainly an ego boost for me,” he said pulling me closer to him and kissing my neck.

“No,” I said wiggling away, “I have to get home, we can’t go again.”

I climbed over him and got up but he put his hands on my hips and playfully pulled me onto his lap.

“You could also just stay here for the night,” He said starting up with the kissing again.

“No, I can’t just stay the night every time I come over.” I said.

“Well, for one, you’ve never stayed the night and why can’t you? It would be safer than you waiting on a dark street for a bus at 3 in the morning.”

“Because, Brad, I can’t. I don’t even have a toothbrush here…or clothes. I don’t like doing the walk of shame every morning.”

“So just bring some of your stuff over here and stick them in a drawer. Pick one, I’ll clean it out for you.”

We both froze as soon as the words left his mouth. A line had been crossed. That’s something you say to your girlfriend…a girlfriend you really care about and we both knew this conversation was headed in a really uncomfortable direction for both of us.

“Um, you’re right, you should go.” Brad said letting go of me immediately.

“Yeah.” I said collecting my stuff as fast as I could, “I’ll see you at work, okay?”

“Yeah, bye.” He said. Usually he gives me a hug before I leave. He went in for one but then stopped himself and we awkwardly high-fived.

I got back from his place late last night but I couldn’t sleep because now I’m worried that BRAD is the one I’m leading on instead of Luke. Or maybe I’m leading both of them on? Brad and I are both clear about what this is, though, so am I really leading him on when he’s known up-front that I am not looking for a boyfriend?

Welcome to the Party

So I had sex with someone in a cab last night and then again at his apartment. Does that make me a big ol’ slut now?

Molly had free tickets to the show she is in last night and gave me one since I was off. It was great and the guy who played the lead was super hot. Molly did a great job. I went backstage afterwards to give her some flowers I had bought earlier and congratulate her.

“Faith, these are gorgeous!” She said as I handed the flowers to her and gave her a hug.

“You were amazing!” I said.

“Thanks, the cast is having a party tonight, you should totally come as my date!” She said pulling out of the hug, “I’d love to introduce you to everyone!”

“Um…okay.” I said shrugging. It had been awhile since I’d been to a party without babies present.

I waited as Molly changed.

“Who are you?”

I turned around and blushed; it was the super hot male lead.

“Oh, uh, I’m just a friend of Molly’s; I came to see her performance tonight. I’m just waiting for her.” I said looking down at my shoes.

“Are you coming to the cast party? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the show tonight.” He gave me a wink.

“Yes.” I said as Molly came out of her (shared) dressing room.

“Oh, Faith, you met Luke. Luke, this is my friend Faith.” She said.

He shook my hand and then told Molly the address of the bar that everyone was meeting at before he left. I stood there stupidly waving at him.

“Yeah, he has that effect on people.” Molly smirked, “Let’s go.”

We hailed a cab and headed over to the bar. The night was kind of a whirlwind. I met everyone in the show and after awhile they all just blurred together. There were a few people I remembered hearing Molly talk about, then there was Luke, and Calvin was apparently in the show, but I don’t remember recognizing him on stage.

The party had an open bar and I took advantage. I haven’t had a night out like that in a long time. I was on my third vodka and water when I felt a hand on the small of my back.

“I knew you were a vodka girl.” Luke said leaning up against the bar. He ordered a gin and tonic before taking a seat next to me.

“Oh, hi.” I said blushing.

Luke has deep green eyes and dark hair sort of like Robert Pattinson’s and he has a great laugh.

“Did you like the show?” He asked taking a sip of his drink.

“I did,” I said enthusiastically, “I thought it was very well done. The design elements were very interesting and Molly did such a great job with the costumes and acting, too, of course.”

I was rambling but he hung onto every word. We kept drinking and the flirtier we both became. Eventually, though, I thought I should call it a night.

“I had a great time tonight, but Molly and I should probably go.” I said standing up and looking around for her.

“I think Molly is a little preoccupied.” Luke laughed and pointed behind me.

Molly and Calvin were basically a tangle of arms and legs in a dark corner of the bar and she didn’t look like she was interested in having that situation changed.

“Oh.” I said.

“We could get out of here.” Luke said touching my back again.

I thought about it for a second.

“What the hell.” I said shrugging.

Luke and I walked out of the bar and quickly started making out against the front window. Eventually he hailed a cab and before I knew it I was straddling him in the back seat without any shame. In retrospect, I feel very bad for the poor cab driver, I hope Luke gave him a big tip. When we got to his apartment, he offered me coffee but before he could actually get all the words out we were making out again and eventually ended up completely naked in his bed.

I woke up this morning with no clothes on and his arm around my hips. I slipped out while he was still sleeping and had a very difficult time finding my clothes. I was looking under the bed for my underwear when he woke up.

“Hey, leaving so early?” He asked sleepily.

“Yeah, I should go.” I said poking my head above the bed.

He pulled me to him and gave me a really hot kiss.

“I had fun.” He said.

“Me, too.” I smiled.

“Your underwear is on the bookshelf over there.” He pointed.

I blushed and thanked him before putting my clothes back on. Meanwhile he got up and made some coffee. I didn’t stay to drink any with him, but he asked for my number and then kissed me again before I left.

When I got in this morning, Molly was just walking into our apartment. Apparently I’m not the only one who had to do the walk of shame this morning.

“Good morning.” I said, “How is Calvin.”

“His penis is as good as it’s always been.” She said smirking at my disheveled appearance, “Apparently I’m not the only one who had a good night either.”

“Yeah….” I said smiling to myself.

“I’m proud of you. Luke is really hot. You bagged yourself a good one.”

I didn’t say anything; I just drank the cup of coffee I had made.

“I take back what I said about you going out n a date with Brad. You should totally date Luke. Or just make him into the dude you like to bone whenever. Brad will deal.”

Dealing With It

Molly and I have been redecorating the apartment for days but we’re both really happy with it. The kitchen is no longer blindingly yellow. We painted it a deep teal which really brings out the darker toned granite countertops. We put up a chair rail on the walls for the rest of the living room so only the bottom part is the deep teal color. The upper part is a light blue and the chair rail itself is a white color. It looks very classy.

Molly made an orchid purple slip cover for the couch and chairs and it looks GREAT with the color scheme. The entertainment center is also white, as is the dining table set. We’re both really pleased with it. Molly is great at this kind of stuff and it was a lot of fun to do it with her. I doubt it would have been as much fun settling into a new place by myself.

I started back at work a few days ago. Cara and Brad knew what happened and offered me support and well wishes which I appreciated. Bruno was there, too, he gave me a hug and made it clear that if I needed anything, all I had to do was ask. Tony made me his famous grilled cheese, which is quickly becoming my favorite sandwich. It’s been slow since I came back but I’m sure it’ll be busy over the weekend for the college crowd.

“You know you could come over tonight, if you want.” Brad said as we were closing up.

“Maybe another time.” I said, “I’m still getting back on my feet.”

“I understand.” He said. He look a little disappointed, though.

Speaking of boys…

Adam is doing okay. He e-mailed me a few of his freelance articles which were all really good. I haven’t heard from Suzy and Dina for a long time, or Steve for that matter. I should really try to get in touch with them and see how they’re doing, maybe go out to dinner or something.

I don’t have to work tonight and Molly is acting in a show so I have the apartment to myself. I think I’ll grab a book (Molly has an amazing personal library in her studio that she has been more than happy to share), order some Chinese, and relax out on the balcony since it’s so nice outside. I could get used to this.

Living with Molly has been so easy and nice, even if she does keep telling me to go out on a real date with Brad. I never realized just how lonely it can be to live by yourself sometimes. Just being able to talk to or come home to someone every day has made this whole situation so much easier on me. I’m so glad I have the friends that I do.

Settled In

I moved in to Molly's today. It wasn't a very stressful move, to be honest. I didn't have much to move. My parents had a new bed delivered and I had a few pieces of furniture delivered, too, but Molly's apartment already has a lot of stuff in it so I didn't have to worry about furnishing any other are of the apartment except my room.

My room is pretty nice. I have a walk-in closet and my own bathroom. Molly has her own room but no bathroom. She and her previous roommate agreed to him having the larger room and private bathroom because she has her own office that she uses as a costume shop for her costuming work. She calls it her studio. I don't really need my own office, so I'm fine with the arrangement. The rest of the apartment is really great, we have a balcony and a nice, open floor plan. The kitchen area, dining area, and living room area are all combined together in a comfortable and easy way. The apartment kind of screams, "Molly!!!" though. I'm worried I'll never feel like this is my home and Molly was picking up on it as I looked around after everything had been unpacked and moved in.

"You know, we can re-decorate, if you want." She said.

We had decided to order a pizza after all that hard moving work which wasn't that hard but I'll take any excuse to eat pizza.

"I'm fine." I said.

"Faith," She said grabbing another slice, "You couldn't look more uncomfortable right now."

"It's...just...kind of...bright?" I said looking around.

Molly's kitchen was a bright sunshine yellow and the accent colors around the apartment were bright oranges and reds. Not my kind of color scheme, to be honest.

"We can re-paint. I can make a slip color for the couch." She said.

I started thinking about what colors I would like to tone things down a bit.

"Um, what about a sky blue and dark teal?"

"I think we can make that work." She said with a smile.

We decided to go to the hardware store tomorrow and buy some paint and then hit up a fabric store.

"I need to get rid of some of this stuff anyway," she said looking at some of her nick-knacks, "I can donate it to the thrift store down the street and we can buy some stuff that isn't orange or red or yellow."

"Okay, but only if you're okay with it." I said.

"I'm more than okay with it." She said.

We watched some movies and then Molly had to go to work.

Molly works as a costume designer and an actress but in between working on shows she also works as a suicide hotline counselor for gay teens from 11:00pm-4:30am. I don't know when she has time to sleep!

My favorite thing about my new apartment is definitely the balcony. I could sit on the balcony forever. Molly has it decorated with hanging plants and flower boxes and it feels really private and quiet. There's even a small fountain in one corner that adds a soothing sound to the ambiance.

Starting over feels weird but I'm slowly getting back on my feet.

Out of the Ashes

I’ve been trying to get back on my feet since the fire. It’s been hard trying to rebuild, especially knowing that I won’t have Murphy with me when I finally do get my life back. Zoey and Wesley have graciously allowed me to stay in their guest room until I’m ready to leave. Anna and Zoey were able to get me some new clothes from work to try and replace some of the great clothes I lost in the fire. Molly has made me a few shirts and dresses, too.

Zoey took me to the store and I bought underwear, socks, and shoes but that’s about as far as I’ve gotten. I called my parents to let them know what happened and that I was okay but that Murphy died. Just typing that out was painful.

I’ve been scouring the city looking for apartments but my heart just isn’t in it. I don’t have to worry about renewing or not renewing my lease now since there is no apartment for me to live in. I have to replace all of my furniture, linens, food, electronics, and it’s incredibly overwhelming. I don’t have a lot in savings because of unemployment so I have no idea what I’m going to do. My parents offered to buy me a bed and have it delivered but I don’t have an address to have it delivered to. My dad also told me that he would give me some money for a down payment on an apartment and groceries, I just have to ask.

Adam (Stormy, this is still weird) called me as soon as he saw the paper the day after the fire.

“Are you okay!?” He practically screamed into the phone.

“I will be.” I said.

We met for lunch and I told him about what happened and about losing Murphy.

“Faith, I’m so sorry. If you need a place to stay or anything, feel free to call me, okay?”

I nodded.

“Where were you when the fire broke out?”

“I was…uh…at work.” I said.

It didn’t feel appropriate to say that I was in the middle of having an orgasm with a guy I work with, especially considering that Adam and I never got together because we worked together.

“You’re lucky you weren’t there and were safe.” He said.

“If I had been there, I might have been able to get Murphy out.” I said, “All I can think about is how scared he must have been; how he must have thought I’d abandoned him…” I started ugly sobbing in the middle of a very public sandwich shoppe.

“Faith…” Adam didn’t know what to say.

“I know I sound stupid crying over my dead cat when 11 of my neighbors are dead. I feel TERRIBLE about how many people died and I feel even worse for feeling so bad about my cat but I miss him. I can’t stop thinking about what he went through in that building. I try to sleep at night and it’s all I can think about it.”

Adam ushered me outside and into a park so people would stop staring.

“They still haven’t caught the person?” He asked after I stopped crying.

“No.”

We talked for a little longer but then said good-bye, when I got back to Zoey’s Molly was there.

“You’re moving in with me.” She said.

“What?” I asked.

“I just kicked my roommate out. You’re living with me.”

I looked at Zoey who had an amused smirk on her face.

“Did you kick them out so I would live with you?” I asked with confusion as I sat down at the table across from her.

“No. He wanted to know if I would be cool with him running a meth lab out of his bedroom. Plus, he would never take out the trash.”

“Is she serious?” I asked Zoey.

She nodded with the same smirk.

“Molly, he didn’t actually start making meth in his room, did he?”

Molly’s smile went away as she thought about it.

“Um, you know I’ll get a cleaning crew in there before you move in, okay?”

“Okay.” I said.

Molly and I discussed rent and utilities payments among other things. She was on her way out when she stopped.

“My landlord allows pets.” She said gently, “In case you were interested in adopting again. And I wouldn’t have a problem with it.”

“Oh.” I said, I hadn’t thought about it and I’m still not ready to.

I’m going to move in with Molly in about a week. She has to get me added to her lease which will take a few days and her current roommate needs to get his stuff out. Zoey is going to let me stay until I’m ready to move in. I found some bedroom furniture online that I’m going to order when I’m ready for it and because I’m a glutton for punishment I ended up on the cat furniture page and sobbing well past midnight.

Up In Flames Part II

It’s weird to watch everything you ever had literally go up in flames. Having to stand on the side of a dirty street while your home burns down is a humbling experience. I’ve never felt so helpless.

I started running toward my building but stopped at the wooden barricades the fire department had set up to keep people a safe distance away. The fire had spread to both buildings next to it and the water being poured into them didn’t seem to be helping at all. I saw neighbors from my building standing around the barricades watching in awe. I called Zoey and told her what happened, she told me she was on her way and hung up.

I backed up a little from the barricade, I don’t know why, maybe it was to try and separate myself from the reality of what was happening. Someone ran into me hard. I ended up on the ground with a scraped up hand and my head hit the concrete. They were on the ground next to me rambling apologies in a panic.

“Randy?” I said when the person who hit me offered me their hand to help me get up.

His eyes were wild and his face was blotched with soot and sweat.

“Faith!? I’m so sorry, are you okay? I’m trying to find Teddy, we got separated in the stairwell and I haven’t been able to find him.”

“I’ll help you look.” I said. We split up after agreeing to meet up in 15 minutes at the same spot. I slipped through the crowd calling Teddy’s name but didn’t see or hear him. I ended up near a stoop of a building that wasn’t on fire yet, right on the edge of the wooden barricades. I stopped to catch my breath and heard crying. I couldn’t tell exactly where it was coming from but it sounded like it was coming from an alley next to a burning building about 150 feet from the barricade. I looked around amid the chaos. No one was paying attention to where I was. I hopped the barricade and ran towards the sound.

“Teddy!?” I said practically sliding into the alley. “TEDDY!?”

The crying had stopped but there was whimpering and I followed it. The sky above me looked like it was on fire, the blaze was spreading and I could hear firefighters yelling nearby the opening of the alley. Embers from the burning building were trickling down around me.

“Teddy?” I said looking around a trash can.

Teddy was covered in soot and was cradling his arm. It looked burned. He was wearing Iron Man pajamas that were singed in places and absolutely filthy. His pants were wet and there were tear tracks on his face.

“Teddy, let’s get that looked at buddy.” I said holding my hand out to him.

“I’m cold, Faith.” He whimpered.

I whipped off my coat and wrapped him in it before sweeping him up in my arms and running back to the barricade.

“How did your pants get wet?” I said trying to distract him as I climbed over the wooden barricade with him in my arms. His arms were wrapped so tight around me I was having trouble breathing.

“I-I had an accident.” He said. He started crying and buried his head into my neck.

“That’s okay, Teddy. It was scary. It’s okay. We’ll get you some new pants soon.”

I weaved back through the crowd to the meeting place Randy had designated.

“Oh, my God. Thank you, Faith! Oh my God.” Randy started crying when I transferred Teddy to him.

“He’s got a bad burn, you should take him to a paramedic.” I said.

Randy nodded, pulled me close to him, and kissed me on the mouth before giving me a grateful look and then disappearing in the direction of an ambulance. I stood and watched numbly as the firemen carried out some of my neighbors. Someone had put a blanket around my shoulders and I turned to see Zoey, Anna, and Molly. I hugged them all at once.

“Faith, have they brought any pets out?” Molly asked gently.

“N-no.” I said. My voice caught in my throat and I couldn’t speak anymore.

Zoey waved down a fireman and asked if they could look for my cat. He shook his head and brushed her off. I flung off my blanket, hopped the barricade and started running towards my building but suddenly ended up hanging upside down.

“What do you think you’re doing?” A fireman had flung me over his shoulder like a sack of flour and started walking me back to the barricade. At first I kicked and tried to break free but gave up and started crying.

“Please.” I said when he set me back down, “My cat. He’s still in there. I need him. He’s all I have. Please.”

The fireman looked at me and then back at the building.

“PLEASE.” I said. I was begging at that point.

“I’ll look for him when I go back in, but it was a bad fire…”

“I understand.” I said quickly so he wouldn’t finish the rest of his thought.

I felt like I watched the fire burn for hours. The sun was coming up and each time someone would come out of the building empty-handed my hope was extinguished a little more. I felt selfish. There were full body bags sitting in front of one of the ambulances and I was dying inside because no one could find my cat. Randy and Teddy joined me on the curb across from the crowd. Zoey, Anna, and Molly were helping people in the crowd, getting coffee and blankets, doing what they could at my insistence to be left alone for a little bit.

“Faith, thank you.”

“No problem, Randy. I’m glad Teddy was found.”

He put his arm around me and I put my head against his shoulder.

“They’ll find him.” He said.

I didn’t say anything.

“What are you guys going to do?” I asked him after a long time.

“I don’t know yet. Probably stay at a hotel for a few days…”

The fire burned for hours, it was hard to control because of the wind. Three buildings other than my apartment complex caught on fire. I watched until the building was a smoldering skeleton of wood, bricks, and metal. I was holding a cold cup of coffee in my hands and staring at the ground when a pair of boots came into my line of vision. I looked up and my heart sank.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t find him.” It was the fireman from before.

“I-it’s okay. It’s not your fault.” I said with no emotion.

Zoey, Molly, and Anna surrounded me and shuffled me into Zoey’s car. I’ve been living in Zoey’s guest room for the past four days. The fire has been all over the news. 11 people died and the police think it was arson but have no idea who could have done it. The only things that I didn’t lose in the fire were the clothes I was wearing, my purse, and phone.

I can’t stop thinking about all the things I’ve lost so suddenly. And it’s not just material stuff; it’s the memories that go with it. I’ve lost photo albums from my college years, family photos, my computer and laptop, the signed apology from Kevin that I framed, Murphy’s kitty castle, my college and high school diplomas, graduation photos, and, of course, Murphy. Bruno has given me as much time as I need to get things in order but I haven’t been able to do anything except grieve for Murphy. I can’t believe he’s gone. This is so surreal.

Up In Flames Part I

Haven’t written in awhile, I’ll get to why in a second.

About two weeks ago I was at work. I had decided to dress a little more…liberally, than I had been ever since I made so much money in tips the night Brad and I made out in the storage room. I was wearing a tight-fitting white v-neck t-shirt, tight blue jeans, and sensible 2-inch black heels with a wide base and heel. My hair was up in a high pony tail and I was wearing a simple silver chain around my neck and a matching bracelet. And yes, the girls were out and looking good in that v-neck. I’ve been making a lot of money in tips ever since I started wearing a more strategic wardrobe, not enough to stay in my apartment (I have one more month on my lease and I keep avoiding the landlord’s office to tell them I’m not renewing, mostly because I still haven’t found a suitable apartment) but enough to make my very rapidly depleting savings not be depleted so quickly.

It was a Monday and we’d had an unusually busy night due to it being spring break for the college near the bar. I didn’t make as much money in tips as I’ve normally been getting because college kids are broke and don’t tip a whole lot, if they tip at all, that is. It’s seriously ridiculous. In college, I worked as a waitress at a diner and being stiffed on a tip always ruined my night (I was the best waitress ever so I know it wasn’t because of the service, some people are just assholes) and you’d think some of these college kids also work as wait staff or something so they’d know how important it is to tip, but it’s very common for us not to get any tips from college students at all. Part of me wishes Bruno would just include gratuities in the price of the drinks we sell and let us all split whatever it ends up being at the end of the night. Brad and I were talking about this in the stockroom while we were closing up. Cara had gone home because she wasn’t feeling well (she’s been sick all week, I think she has the flu) so it was just us.

“I had a kid rack up nearly 200 bucks on a bar tab tonight for him and his friends and none of them tipped.” Brad said kicking an empty crate.

“Oh, I know. That smarmy little jerk wouldn’t leave Cara alone, either.”

“I saw him eyeing you, too.”

“Let him look, I don’t care, but it was obvious Cara wasn’t interested and he wouldn’t back off. Plus, he wasn’t eyeing me enough to pay for a damn tip.”

“I hate college kids.”

“Me, too.” I said grumpily.

It had been a long night and both of us weren’t in the best of moods. I went to get my black cropped jacket and purse from my locker near the clock out station. Brad followed behind me while he put his leather jacket on.

“I’ll walk you to your bus stop.” He said, “It’s late and there are a bunch of drunk college kids roaming the streets.”

“Brad, you take the same bus as me, just in the opposite direction.”

“So?”

I laughed and shook my head before exiting through the back door of the bar into the alley on the side of the building. Brad locked it up quickly and we headed to the bus stop a block away.

“I’m tired.” He said.

“Me, too.” I yawned.

We sat on the bench in the glass and metal covered bust stop area. Brad’s bus came and stopped across the street but he didn’t leave to get on it.

“You don’t have to make sure I get on my bus.” I said with my hands in my jacket pocket. It was unusually cold and I was chilly.

“It’s okay.” He said.

I got up to pace and try to get warm.

“What are you doing?” He laughed.

“I’m freezing!” I said through chattering teeth.

“You’re such a baby.” He said, “It’s, like, 50 degrees out.”

“Is that why I can see my breath when I talk? And you’re sitting there shivering.” I pointed out.

Brad stood up, opened up his jacket and engulfed me in it.

“Thank you.” I said. It was muffled by my face being in his chest.

He looked down at me, said, “you’re welcome”, and then I kissed him. My bus pulled up about a minute later and made a loud gush of air as it stopped that startled me from the kissing. Brad let me go from his jacket but I didn’t get on my bus. It left and we both stood there.

“That was your bus.” He said.

“I know.”

“Uh, you’re not on it.”

“I want to go home with you.” I said after a moment.

He smiled and engulfed me in his jacket again. Eventually his bus came and we both got on it after crossing the street . In about 20 minutes I found myself stumbling into his apartment while trying to take his jacket off. He smoothed mine off once his arms were free and I kicked my shoes off as he led me to his bedroom. He backed me into it and fell on top of me onto his bed. Both of us were shirtless and my jeans were unzipped. We were both laughing in between kisses and soft moans.

“We should use a-”

“I’m on it.” He said sliding me up so my head was on a pillow and reaching into a drawer on his nightstand. I wiggled my pants off and he handed me the small wrapper while he got his jeans off. I straddled him and teased him for awhile; playing with the band of his boxers, kissing down his abdomen, nibbling his jaw line. Finally I put the condom on him and he flipped me over so I was on my back, then he slowly took off my underwear, unhooked my bra and went for it. It was good. REALLY good. At one point he had both hands on the headboard for leverage. We were both loud and finished at the same time. He rolled off of me, panting.

“I thought I was tired when we locked up tonight, but I guess not.” He joked.

“Definitely not.” I said.

He started kissing me again and his hand moved to between my thighs. I started moaning and pulling him closer to me, he kissed me harder and moved his hand faster until I was done.

After a few minutes I said, “We probably shouldn’t have done this.”

“I don’t regret it.”

“Neither do I.” I said smiling. Sex with Brad was awesome.

I got dressed, said goodbye, and went home. Brad said I was welcome to spend the night, but I had a hungry cat to get home to and declined. He invited me to come over again and I said that I definitely would before leaving for the night.

The bus ride home took a lot longer than usual. About three stops away from my stop, there were a lot of fire trucks, police cars, and ambulances speeding by and the bus had to stop every time. Finally I got off at my stop and walked around the corner. I stood there in shock before my stomach dropped and I started running towards my violently burning apartment building.

Birthday Bash

Today was the twins’ birthday party! I can’t believe they are a year old already. It seems like this year has been such a whirlwind of a lot of bad stuff, but the twins’ birth was definitely a big, good thing that happened. I bought Weatherly a stuffed cat (it looks like Murphy) and I bought Andrew a stuffed panda, Zoey bought this set of blocks that you can play with in the bathtub and stick to the tile, and Molly made blankets for them.

I was helping Anna with the cake in the kitchen and she just looked so happy. I remember when she had her miscarriage and totally shut down and it’s like she’s a completely different person now. The birthday party was in the late afternoon so I had to leave early to get to work on time but I mingled before I left and update the girls on my job situation.

“Brad is pretty hot and he flirts with me but I think it’s just meaningless.” I said to Molly over fruit punch and chocolate cake.

“You should just have sex with him.” She said.

I nearly spit out my punch.

“Excuse me?”

“You totally should. You should just have a fling to finally get over all the bad. It’s a New Year, Faith, a clean slate. Bed that man.”

“You know, ever since you and Calvin stopped seeing each other you have been really, really horny.” I said with a smirk.

“Calvin was a GOD in bed, Faith, I can’t help that I miss his amazing pe-”

“What are you guys talking about?” Anna asked as she came around behind Molly.

“Calvin’s penis.” I said nonchalantly.

“Again?” Anna said flatly with an exasperated look to Molly.

“YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.” Molly joked.

“Maybe you should sleep with Brad.” I said.

“Ooooh, who’s Brad?” Zoey said coming from behind me.

“A co-worker Faith has the hots for.” Molly said.

“I do not.” I said quickly, “We just flirt. For fun. It’s nothing. Really.”

“I told her she should sleep with him.”

“She should.” Zoey said.

I started choking on my punch at that one.

“What!? Anna, is this punch spiked? Am I drunk? Are all of you drunk?”

“It’s non-alcoholic. You should totally sleep with him. It’s exactly what you need to get over the terrible year you’ve had.” Anna replied.

“Yeah, a clean slate.” Zoey said, “Go for it.”

“I work with him. No. Plus, the flirting is meaningless. It’s not meant to be a thing.” I said.

They all nodded like they knew better and then shooed me of before I was late for work. Because of the party, I didn’t have time to change before work so I was wearing a pair of tight, flared jeans and a black flowy top that showed off the girls pretty nicely. My hair was dark and wavy and I was wearing a pair of black heels.

“Whoa. Looking good, Faith.” Cara said as I clocked in.

“Oh, thanks, I had a thing before this so-”

“Have Mercy.” Brad said as he came around the corner.

“Okay, Uncle Jesse. What is this? Full House?”

Cara started giggling and Brad went to the stockroom.

“You SO like him.” She giggled.

“I do not. It’s just harmless flirting.”

“Right.” Cara said and walked back to help Brad in the stock room.

I got a lot more tips than I normally do, probably because of what I was wearing, so I was in a really good mood. Brad and I were serving drinks and flirting back and forth while Cara giggled every time I said anything. We were busy tonight because of the weekend so Cara stayed until we closed. She was mopping behind the bar when I went to put some empty boxes in the store room. Brad came in with a bunch of crates from the kitchen and we were alone in the stock room with the door closed.

“You got a lot of tips tonight. You should buy me a drink.” He winked.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked.

“Okay.” He said confused.

“The flirting is just…for fun, right?”

“What do you mean?” He crossed his arms and looked at me.

“I mean, that you’re just doing to have fun, you don’t actually mean anything by it, right?”

He cocked his head and smiled but didn’t say anything.

“Because if it’s not I don’t want to lead you on or anything.” I continued.

“Okay.” He said.

I nodded.

“Okay, then.” I said with finality.

I went to move a crate onto a shelf but because of my black pumps, I lost my footing and it slipped.

“Whoa!” Brad ran to catch the crate before it fell and broke whatever was inside it.

He caught it and slid it up onto the shelf from behind me. I could feel him behind me and when I turned around he smiled and put his arm against the shelf above my head. I could have walked away but I didn’t. My back and hands wear against a box on the shelf.

“I dare you.” He said and then smiled again.

I leaned in and kissed him. Hard. He put his hands on the small of my back and I had one on his chest with another on the back of his neck. I was pulling him into me and he was pushing me against the shelf pretty hard. He moved a hand into my hair and then moved his mouth to my neck. My hand made it to his hair while another somehow made it under his shirt (Brad doesn’t look like it, but he is RIPPED). I started unzipping his pants but then I snapped out of it and stopped everything like a huge spazz.

I pushed him and he backed away immediately.

“Oh God NO. NOT HERE! What am I DOING?” I had my hands both on my forehead and started pacing back and forth, “God, I am SUCH an IDIOT.”

Brad started laughing and zipped up his pants which reminded me that he was still present.

“Oh, God, Brad…uh…we can’t do that here.”

“Somewhere else then?” He gave me a crooked smile.

“Yeah, we could…NO. UGH. NO.”

“Are you drunk?” He asked. I was acting crazy.

“No, I’m just stupid.” I said. I balled my hands into fists and lightly bumped them on my head while I stood across from him.

“Faith, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. It was just a dare.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Look,” he said coming up to me and taking my hands from my head and refusing to let me look away from his eyes, “it’s really not a big deal. We’re both adults. This doesn’t have to be weird. I’m not uncomfortable if you’re not.”

“You’re just…so hot…” I whined more to myself than to him.

He started laughing again and I pulled him over to me where we started kissing again.

20 minutes later I emerged from the stock room with my hair a complete mess right into the hallway where Cara was waiting with the mop bucket.

“Riiiiiiiight.” She said with a wide smiled and started cackling as Brad walked out.

Brad and I didn’t have sex, he’s just a really good kisser and oh my God I was so close to bringing him home with me.

Fun and Games

Work was really slow tonight. I mean, we never really have a full bar (unless it’s a weekend) but we probably had three people (besides the regulars) come in over 4 hours. Cara and I eventually found a deck of cards in the back and started playing “Go Fish” with Brad. Tony made us all some grilled cheese sandwiches and joined Bruno in the back with some of the regulars.

“So what did you do before this, Faith?” Cara asked.

“I used to be an HR rep.” I said, “But I decided it wasn’t for me.”

“I don’t think I could fire someone.” Cara said.

“It’s hard. I definitely don’t envy people, like Bruno, who will inevitably have to do it at some point.”

“I can’t imagine Bruno firing anyone.” She said.

“He has.” Brad chimed in, “Do you have a ten, Faith?”

“Go fish. Who did he fire?”

“The person you replaced.”

“Angela wasn’t fired.” Cara said.

“Oh, yes she was.” Brad said.

“Do you have a six, Brad?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He tossed the card to me, “Bruno kept finding money missing from the cash register and it always lined up with her shifts. Plus, she was fired for stealing money from a previous job.”

“Why did Bruno hire her in the first place?” I asked.

“He didn’t find out about it until after he fired her.”

“Angela told me that she quit because Bruno was withholding her tips.” Cara said.

“Do you honestly think Bruno would do that? He might be a hard ass, Cara, but he’s fair. We always get the amount of money we worked for. Bruno is obsessive when it comes to the books and he treats us like family. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to fire Angela, she’d worked for him for two years; he treated her like a daughter.”

Cara shrugged and I ended up winning that round of “Go Fish.”

“Let’s play Black Jack.” Brad said.

“It’s not fun with nothing to gamble.” Cara said.

“We could do it like truth or dare. Whoever wins gets to come up with a truth or dare question for the person of their choice.”

“Are we in high school?” I mocked.

“Come on, what else are we going to do?” Brad said.

“It could be fun.” Cara shrugged and poured me a soda.

“Fine.” I sighed, “I’m bringing a stash of magazines next shift so we never have to resort to this again.”

We played for awhile and it was fun. Brad won the first hand and chose Cara, who picked truth. Brad asked her if she’d ever stolen anything.

“I stole a pen from Walgreens once. I was 8 and it was a rainbow-colored feather pen. My mom found it and made me return it with an apology.”

I won the second hand, chose Brad, and dared him to tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue. He did it in under a minute.

Cara won the third round and asked Brad to show us his most private piercing.

“Whoa!” Cara said.

“Did that hurt?” I asked.

“I put ice on it before they put the needle through it.”

“I would not have been able to get the second one done.” Cara said.

“Eh, well, when it comes to nipple rings, you should really get both…for symmetry, you know. Plus, the four beers I’d had before helped with the courage.” Brad smiled.

“Alright, guys, I’m off. I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe I’ll bring a board game.”

Cara waved and departed. Brad and I still had another two hours before we could close up the bar. We stopped playing cards and eventually just ended up playing truth or dare and alternating turns.

“Truth.” I said.

“Have you ever dated anyone you work with?”

“Yes. I dated my boss once. Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Brad said.

“Have YOU ever dated anyone you work with?”

“No. But I want to.”

“Cara is pretty cute.” I said.

“Truth or dare?” Brad said.

“Dare.” I said.

“Kiss me.”

Brad leaned in to me but I put my hand on his face, pushed him away, and started laughing.

“No. We are SO not doing this.”

“Oh, come on, one kiss.”

“You realize this is sexual harassment?” I said.

“You know you want to.”

“In your dreams.” I said taking a sip of my soda.

“If you only knew.”

“Oh, GROSS.” I said hitting him on the arm playfully.

“You’ll kiss me eventually.” He floated away to go get a beer for one of the regulars in the back and I feel stupid for smiling after he left.

“Dream on.” I shouted back.

Flirting with Brad is fun and he’s not hard on the eyes.

Bruno's

I’ve been at work for about a week now. My first day Bruno introduced me to my co-workers.

First, Bruno is always around but most of the time he’s upstairs in the office watching football or in the back lounge room with his favorite customers. Bruno is an older, fatherly-like guy who kind of seems like he would have mob connections, if I’m being honest. He calls me sweetheart but not in a condescending way and I like him a lot. He’s a helpful guy who really cares about his community; for example, he offers to keep house keys for people in the community in case they get locked out of their apartments late at night, there’s a giant cupboard of hundreds of keys in the back.

Brad is the guy I will mostly be working with and he’s a more experienced bartender so he’s sort of like my boss in a really, really informal way. Brad is a 25 year old rocker guy and has spiky black hair, wears leather wrist bands, band tees, studded pants and paints his fingernails black. He’s kind of hot, to be honest, in a bad-boy way.

Cara is also someone I am usually going to be working with but she’s not actually a bartender. She’s training to be one and Bruno is letting her apprentice in the bar. Her actual title is a bar back. Mostly she brings stuff from the stockroom so we don’t run out of anything at the bar and occasionally she waitresses to make more money when the kitchen is open. Cara is a cute 21 year old who attends school full time in addition to working at Bruno’s. She kind of looks like Amy from Futurama; black hair, cute button nose, and she’s super sweet, kind of like a little sister.

Tony is the cook in the back but saying I work at a restaurant or even a bar and grill is stretching it. We sell what essentially amounts to bowling alley food: onion rings, cheese burgers, fries, nachos, fried mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, etc. But Tony is a whiz in the kitchen and will make stuff for the staff that’s not on the menu. Last night he made me a grilled cheese that was one of the best things I’ve ever eaten.

“It’s the cheese,” He told me when I started swooning at how good it was, “I use a mixture of Harvati, Fontina, and smoked cheddar. Then I use a garlic herb butter to toast up the bread in the pan.”

Um, YUM.

Tony is a tall black man about the same age as Bruno. They grew up together and are close friends. We don’t get a lot of food orders, so Tony is usually hanging out with Bruno in the office or in the back lounge room. Brad told me that Bruno’s never used to serve food but Tony lost his job in the recession and was struggling to find any work to support his family (he’s got a wife and two kids in college) so Bruno offered him a job and bought a deep fryer (hence all the fried food we serve) and a very small grill. It actually turned out to be a great business plan because the bar is right next to one of the college campuses in this city and we get a TON of college kids coming in on the weekends who are drunk and hungry; apparently what we sell appeals to the binge-drinking twenty-something masses.

I like the vibe at Bruno’s and even though I don’t make nearly enough for rent or anywhere close to what I used to and I’ll need to get another job as soon as I settle in here, I feel like I fit in. I also like that I can dress casually for work. It was sometimes such a pain to have to wear nice, professional clothes to work every day.

Time Out

I’ve taken a break from writing for awhile but I’ve missed all of my readers. A lot has happened in the near-month I’ve been away, too. Although I tried to give everyone a generous severance package at work, that money doesn’t go very far and as a result I have been frantically searching for jobs (and getting turned down at every turn). BUT I was finally hired yesterday. It’s not in HR and I don’t think I’ll ever be returning to that world. I’ll be working at Bruno’s neighborhood bar, or lovingly referred to by all of the regulars simply as Bruno’s. I bartended in college and it was the only job I could get after searching for over a month. I’m grateful to have this job, even though my budget is definitely going to have to be put on a diet. I start next week.

Because money is tight I’ve been looking at apartments that are cheaper than the one I’m in now. I crunched the numbers and paying the rent in my current apartment is just going to be impossible if I want to be able to buy groceries without dipping into my savings (which is actually going to be used to pay off my student loans repayments until I get a second job). So, I’m looking for an apartment. That takes cats.

The girls have been put on alert and have been on the lookout for any open apartments they see. So far, I haven’t had much luck finding an apartment that meets my ideal rent payment, takes cats, and is also livable. It’s like I only get to pick two out of those three things. I’m discouraged but I’m hopeful that I’ll find something.

Stormy came over the other day to watch the new Project Runway: All Stars.

“Where’s Tim?” He asked.

“Stormy, we’ve been through this. Tim isn’t on the All Stars season.”

“But…Tim is the best part of the show.”

“You’ll live.”

Personally, I’m Team Mondo. Stormy keeps changing teams because all of his people keep getting kicked off.

“Fine, I’m Team Mondo, too.”

“No.” I said.

“What? Why?”

“Because every time you choose a team they get kicked off and I want Mondo to win. If you join Team Mondo he’ll get kicked off. Pick Austin or something.”

Stormy threw a pillow at me. I told him about my new job when the pizza came.

“Gross, a bar?”

“It’s all I could find, okay? Plus, I don’t think HR is my thing anymore.”

“Why?” He reached for a slice.

“Because firing people is too hard for me. I don’t want to go through everything that happened again. I can’t.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I think the majority of us are doing okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I got that freelance job I told you about-”

“Yeah but it’s not under your actual name.” I snorted.

Stormy looked at me with confusion, “Uh…yeah it is.”

I started choking on my pizza because I was so confused.

“What? Your name isn’t Adam.” I said recalling the name I saw on his most recent article.

“Do you really think my real name is STORMY?” He started laughing.

“Wait, so I’ve been calling you by the wrong name for like a year?”

“Closer to two, really.”

“How did I not know this? Why didn’t you correct me?”

“Faith, Stormy Allen was just a name I used for the station and when they opened up the paper it was just so people would try to be sold on the paper by the brand of that name. It’s just a showbiz name. Lots of people do it.”

“So…should I call you Adam now?”

“You can if you want.” He shrugged, “You’re the only one from the paper who still calls me Stormy. For the record.”

“EVERYONE ELSE KNEW?”

I threw a pillow at him and then grabbed my cell phone.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Editing your name in my contacts.” I shot him a dirty look and he started laughing again.

“Anyway,” he continued, “most of us are doing okay. I got that free lance job, Steve is working as an assistant to a publicist, Tom is working at that women’s magazine with your friends, and Suzy and Dina both got picked up at the same daily newspaper ours used to compete with. You shouldn’t worry about us.”

“Still, I don’t think HR is for me. I’m going to try some things out, do some research, and keep my options open.”

“By working at a bar?”

“I had to get something and Bruno offered me the job. It’s not like I was getting offers from other places, Stor- Adam.”

He raised his eyebrow at me and smiled.

“It’s weird.” I said, “I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me what your real name was until now.”

“I think you’ll get over it.” He said.

“What kind of name is Stormy, anyway? If you think about it, you should have just stuck with your real name.”

“I don’t know, it sounded cool?”

“Ugh, you’re such a dude.”

“Shhh, Tim Gunn might show up any second.”

“No, he won’t. Just let it go.”

“No, the dream is still alive.”

We couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the night. It’s nice to just hang out with Adam and not have it be weird. It’s kind of weird how much renewal I’ve had since ending things with Sean. It feels nice, actually.