Chemicals

I went out on a date with Luke the other night and while we made a lot of small talk, I also realized we don’t really have a lot of chemistry when we aren’t talking about him and what a great actor he is. To be honest, I was kind of bored.

We went to dinner and Luke spent about 70% of the time talking about himself or telling me stories from when he didn’t get paid to act. They were interesting but I felt like I spent the majority of the time having him talk AT me and not with me. The food was probably the best part.

Luke took me to a pretty snazzy bar that serves food (but it’s known for its drinks) and it was so good. I ordered a bread crumb-encrusted salmon with a lemony salad and Luke got some sort of rib dish. Afterward we got some ice cream and ate as we walked back to his place. Our chemistry in the bedroom is still intact and it was actually better since we both weren’t inebriated but I didn’t stay the night like I had last time.

“I had fun,” Luke said kissing me on the forehead in the door way, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I said.

He called me and wanted to go out on another date sometime this week but I hadn’t gotten my work schedule yet, so I told him I’d let him know when I was free once I got it. But I think I’ve slowly realized that I kind of don’t want to go out with him again. I was telling Cara about Luke and how luke-warm (HA!) I was feeling about and Brad overheard us.

“Boy troubles, Faith?” He smirked.

I rolled my eyes.

“I think you should try one more date.” Cara said, “Maybe he was just nervous on your last one. I know that I get nervous on dates and sometimes talk too much, I’m sure other people do, too.”

Cara left to get something from the stock room and I considered what she said. Maybe Luke had just been nervous on our date.

“If you ask me, the dude is selfish. He’s not going to get better on date two.” Brad said.

“Well I didn’t ask you.” I said not nearly as playfully as I had expected.

Brad put his hands up in mock surrender.

“Fine, I just figured since I’m a dude, maybe my advice would be welcome.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, “You really think he’s as selfish as he sounds?”

“I do.” Brad said before walking over to a customer and leaving me with my thoughts.

It was really slow so Cara left before Brad and I closed. Because I now live with Molly, Brad and I actually take the same bus to get home at night. We were sitting on the bus talking about some customers we’d had earlier until there was a slight pause and Brad looked at me.

“So is this guy your boyfriend?”

“No.” I said smiling, “Why, are you jealous?”

“Not really,” he said nudging me, “I just thought I’d ask if you wanted to come home with me.”

I thought about it and agreed. Luke isn’t my boyfriend and I don’t want a boyfriend right now. I just want to have some fun and date around for while. Being with Sean really did a number on me so I don’t like the idea of being tied down to one guy again…at least for awhile. I do think that I should tell Luke that, though, because I think I might be leading him on without really meaning to.

Brad put his arm on the back of my seat while we waited for his stop to come up. I lightly put my hand on his cheek and pulled his face to mine and then kissed him. He kissed me back softly until it was time to get off the bus. Having sex with Brad is actually better than sex with Luke and I think it’s because Brad and I have chemistry when we aren’t having sex, too. There’s just another level to what Brad and I have but at the same time, that’s not unexpected. We work together and we’re friends. Luke and I don’t work together and I barely know him.

Brad rolled off of me panting.

“You know, I’m surprised your next door neighbor hasn’t banged on the wall or anything because your headboard certainly makes a lot of noise when it bangs in the wall when we’re having sex.”

“It’s not the only one.” He said looking over at me and laughing.

“I’m vocal. I like what I like,” I said shrugging.

“It’s certainly an ego boost for me,” he said pulling me closer to him and kissing my neck.

“No,” I said wiggling away, “I have to get home, we can’t go again.”

I climbed over him and got up but he put his hands on my hips and playfully pulled me onto his lap.

“You could also just stay here for the night,” He said starting up with the kissing again.

“No, I can’t just stay the night every time I come over.” I said.

“Well, for one, you’ve never stayed the night and why can’t you? It would be safer than you waiting on a dark street for a bus at 3 in the morning.”

“Because, Brad, I can’t. I don’t even have a toothbrush here…or clothes. I don’t like doing the walk of shame every morning.”

“So just bring some of your stuff over here and stick them in a drawer. Pick one, I’ll clean it out for you.”

We both froze as soon as the words left his mouth. A line had been crossed. That’s something you say to your girlfriend…a girlfriend you really care about and we both knew this conversation was headed in a really uncomfortable direction for both of us.

“Um, you’re right, you should go.” Brad said letting go of me immediately.

“Yeah.” I said collecting my stuff as fast as I could, “I’ll see you at work, okay?”

“Yeah, bye.” He said. Usually he gives me a hug before I leave. He went in for one but then stopped himself and we awkwardly high-fived.

I got back from his place late last night but I couldn’t sleep because now I’m worried that BRAD is the one I’m leading on instead of Luke. Or maybe I’m leading both of them on? Brad and I are both clear about what this is, though, so am I really leading him on when he’s known up-front that I am not looking for a boyfriend?