Now We're Talking

Mike and I finally had our discussion about his tendency to use sex to avoid dealing with his feelings, but it didn’t go the way I wanted it.

We’d had sex multiple times the night before and I was wiped.  And I was so sick of having sex like that. I know it’s not always supposed to be loving or intimate or super connected but it would be nice if it wasn’t always aggressive and meant to be a distraction.

I woke up and decided to take a hot shower to try and prepare for what was going to be a very awkward talk. I turned the shower on and stripped down before climbing in and letting the hot water wash over me. I sighed and started lathering up my loofah.

“Heeeeey,” Mike said stepping into the shower and pulling me to him.

I…um…I didn’t handle it well. I started hitting him with the loofah to get him out of the shower. I was just really surprised and I guess we should all feel good about the fact that if a robber tried to get in the shower with me I’d be able to beat them off with my loofah.

“Ow, Faith! What the hell!?” Mike said standing in my bathroom wet and naked.

I wrapped myself in the shower curtain.

“I can’t do it Mike! I cannot have sex with your angry penis one more time!” I screamed hysterically.

Mike and I both sort of stared at each other before he burst out laughing.

“My angry penis?” He gasped out between laughing.

“It’s NOT funny!” I said throwing the loofah at him while he wrapped a towel around his waist.

Mike tried to take me seriously but couldn’t hold a straight face.

I angrily sighed.

“Okay! Okay, look, I’ll stop laughing.”  He said putting his hands up in surrender.

I turned the water off and wrapped myself in a towel before sitting on the top of the toilet seat cover an then I burst out crying.

“Oh…” Mike said. He knelt down next to me, “Faith, I didn’t mean to scare you, I thought it would be fun…romantic.”

“It’s not that,” I said wiping my runny nose, “I just…don’t want to have sex anymore.”

Mike looked really surprised.

“Why?” He asked.

“Because…lately I feel like you’ve just been using me for sex.” I said between tears.

“What!? How could you possibly…”

“Ever since your mom died you’ve been using sex to try and avoid dealing with your feelings and it’s partly my fault because I allowed it at first.”

“What are you talking about?”

I gave Mike a serious look.

“Are you kidding me? Mike, we had sex during your mother’s wake. Are you going to deny that you haven’t been using sex…using ME in that way?”

Mike sighed and looked like he was in deep thought. I put my head in my hands.

“This wasn’t how I wanted to bring this up.” I said quietly.

“Faith, I wish you would have just told me this sooner.” He said, “I feel awful that I’ve made you feel like this. And you’re right. I have been using sex as a distraction. And that’s not fair to you, not just because you shouldn’t be used like that, but also because you cared about my mom, too. You’re grieving, too, and it was selfish of me to use you as an outlet for my own grief because it was too uncomfortable for me to deal with mine.”

I looked at him and sniffed. He pulled me in for a hug.

“I am so sorry, Faith. So, so sorry.”

He kissed my forehead and I nodded.

“I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me if I’ve upset, you, okay? You can talk to me about anything. I love you.”

I nodded again and then kissed him.

So, Mike and I are good now. This was technically our first fight and although I could’ve been a little more tactful when I brought it up but I think it went as well as I could’ve expected.