Fan Girls

"What exactly does one wear to a court mediation with one’s attempted rapist?" I mused to Molly in my apartment’s bedroom.

I haven’t really moved out of Sean’s yet but I was there with Molly for a pizza night to kind of get me to feel more comfortable in it. In the mean time, I’ve had my landlord change the lock on my door and my windows, and they put a security camera in the main lobby along with a new lock on the main door that has a security chip in it so it will only open for people with a matching chip. It was nice of them to do that but I know it wasn’t just for me. Word spread about my break-in and I know the other residents in my building have been on edge since it happened. I have a feeling the security camera and special lock are from the panic the residents have expressed collectively and were only installed to calm down the hysteria.

"Maybe a business-y outfit? How about that blazer, with that pencil skirt and that blouse with the bow?" Molly said pointing at various items in my closet.

I pulled them out and layered them like and outfit before I laid them out on my bed to look at the whole thing.

"You know you’re really good at putting outfits together, are you sure you want to be an actress?" I joked.

"Yep, I love acting, sadly. I think I’d make a great costume designer, though."

"You know, if you want a new part-time job, I could see if Anna has any openings for a stylist or something since she’s sort of in charge of hiring people now."

"I would definitely be interested in that. Acting is my first love but fashion is definitely my second."

Just then the buzzer rang for the pizza we ordered and I ran downstairs to meet the delivery guy. We started stuffing our faces in my living room while watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

"You know," Molly said, taking a bite of pizza, "I never liked Frodo that much."

"What!? Why!?"

"I liked Sam more, Frodo was weak and I just never thought he deserved to be considered a hero. I mean Sam drags him to the volcano in Mordor and near hand-delivers the ring and Frodo can’t complete the task. If it wasn’t for Golem, the ring would never have been destroyed because Frodo never would have let it go."

"But Frodo is the metaphor for how the ring destroys its owners. Sam is a metaphor for the goodness found in people, it makes sense that he would be Frodo’s main man and ally."

"Yeah but at the very end, after Frodo’s written his book, he totally leaves Sam without even a warning."

We went back and forth like this the whole night and it was so much fun. W even started moving on to other book series.

"I hate Bella! Actually, I hate ALL of the characters in those wretched books."

"Finally something we agree on," I said, "You know what I just realized that is way too funny?"

"What?"

"The gay couple in Sean’s band, well, their names are Jake and Eddie, short for Jacob and Edward."

"You KNOW there’s some fan fiction out there revolving around that pairing." Molly giggled and we eventually ended up on my computer reading some of the dirtiest fan fiction I have ever seen in my life revolving around Jacob and Edward from the Twilight series.

I really like Molly. Since we’ve become friends, my life has been pretty crazy but she makes me feel more grounded to how my life is normally and I really enjoy that part of our friendship. She just relaxes me when I need it the most.

We finished our pizza and movie marathon and then we both left. She dropped me off at Sean’s and I waved good-bye. Sean’s been kind of distant since I told him I was having a mediation with Kevin. I think he’s really worried about the charges Kevin is pressing against him and doesn’t want to tell me because he knows it will make me feel bad. But, I already know and I’m sure he knows that I know so now it’s just this big elephant in the room that neither of us really wants to bring up. I was kind of relieved when I walked in and he was still at work.

Burn

I just got off the phone with my mother. She’s upset that I wasn’t able to come home for Thanksgiving and has demanded that I come home for Christmas…and that I bring Sean. It wouldn’t be my mother though without a huge guilt trip for not telling her about him and having to find out from my brother instead. She’s known since August and has basically been stewing about it ever since. In case I tried to wiggle out of coming home or bringing Sean she bought us both tickets. We leave on the 17^th of December. Joy.

It’s not that I don’t love my parents or that I’m embarrassed of Sean, it’s just that my parents can be overwhelming for people who don’t understand them. It’s even worse on holidays because my mother’s extended family is absolutely crazy and I hate visiting them. Luckily, my dad’s side of the family, which is equally as crazy, doesn’t live anywhere near my parents so I just have to put up with my mother’s side during the holidays. I feel pretty bad about not coming home for Thanksgiving especially since my brother is in Afghanistan, but I simply didn’t have the vacation time to make it to both Thanksgiving and Christmas, especially with the recent couple of days I took off for my concussion. This Christmas is probably going to be even more chaotic than normal because of the fact that my brother won’t be there.

I got off the phone right when Sean walked in the door with a bag of groceries.

“So, it’s official, I’m bringing you home with me for the holidays.” I said going to help him put the groceries away.

“Sweet.” He said opening the pantry to put a bag of pretzels away, “How much do I owe your mom for the ticket?”

“Don’t bother; she won’t take your money anyway.”

“So what should I get your parents for Christmas?” Sean asked.

“Well, they’re kind of hard to buy for.” I said.

“Hmm, I guess we’ll just have to go shopping together. I’m a pro at giving gifts and you can poin out the stuff they might like.”

“Okay.”

“It’s a date, then.” Sean said smiling.

I smiled back and continued putting the groceries away. I think Sean knows that I’m aware of his panic about his situation with Kevin and I’ve been trying to think of a way to help him but I can’t afford to pay for his lawyer fees and mine and I don’t think Sean would let me do that anyway. I feel so stuck and I can’t imagine how Sean is feeling. I’ve heard him talking to Lou on the phone some more and things just seem really dire for him. I tried to breach the subject of Paul.

“So, since we’re leaving on the 17^th do you think you’ll want to do some sort of Christmas thing with your brother?” I said trying to sound nonchalant.

Sean stiffened.

“He’s probably busy.” He said noncommittally.

“You haven’t even checked with him to see what his plans are or if you can hang out with him for the holidays?”

“We don’t really talk, Faith.”

“Oh. Why?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

I was a little stung by how clipped Sean’s answer was but I decided to drop it. We didn’t really talk much for the rest of the night.

Devolving

Over the past few days I’ve met with a lawyer to pursue pressing charges against Kevin and it looks like we’ve set a “mediation” appointment with him and his lawyer when he gets back from his honeymoon to see if we can reach an agreement without having to go through a trial or something really time consuming. To be completely honest, I really don’t know how I want Kevin to be punished, I just want him to be punished. I was walking to Sean’s apartment to tell him that everything was set but I picked up a newspaper on the way. When I opened it in the elevator there was a picture of Kevin and Hannah on their wedding day in the wedding announcement section. She looked gorgeous in a designer dress and there was an article underneath the picture that talked mostly about her big-wig job as a fashion consultant and her family’s money. Kevin is definitely on easy street now that they’re married; too bad he had two black eyes and a swollen lip in the picture. Heh. I couldn’t wait to show Sean, he’d probably find it as amusing as I did.

When I got to Sean’s apartment I heard him talking in his bedroom so I fed Murphy and then sat in the living room reading other sections of the newspaper. I could sort of hear what Sean was saying and I didn’t purposefully mean to eavesdrop but it was almost impossible not to.

“Man, what am I going to do? I don’t have the money for a lawyer. I’m going to end up in jail, Lou!”

I, honestly, was shocked. Sean had been playing it really cool for the past few days once the initial shock of being served had subsided. I thought he was handling things but I was wrong.

“I can’t go to jail, Lou! It will ruin my life; I’ll have to stop playing music-”

“Don’t be ridiculous, the band can’t wait for me if I’m convicted, we’re just starting to get some awesome reviews and opportunities. Plus, this guy s out to get me, man, he’s going to demand I serve time, I just know it.”

There was a long pause.

“No. No, absolutely NOT. I am NOT calling Paul. No way, man. I don’t need him to come and bail me out, just because he’s my brother doesn’t mean he’s going to do this pro-bono.”

“I think we should probably start looking for a new guitar player, to be honest. I’ll let you know what happens, but I gotta go.”

A few seconds later Sean opened his bedroom door and acted like he was completely fine. I tried to look like I was nonchalant and absorbed with the paper.

“Hey, you.” I said as he kissed my forehead and sat next to me.

“How’s the noggin?” He asked.

“Better, the doctor gave me a clean bill of health at my check-up today. You have to see this,” I said handing the paper to him with the picture of Kevin and Hannah on it.

Sean smiled and then took out the music section of the paper before handing it back to me. I let silence fall between us to see if Sean would say anything about the phone call to Lou but it didn’t seem like he was going to. I don’t think he knew I overheard him.

“So, how is everything going?” I tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible.

“Fine. Karen was able to do damage control and get us a few more gigs at that bar as well as some others at larger venues. It’s weird; she used the whole incident to kind of build up our cred as musicians but also downplayed it so we weren’t seen as a bunch of monsters.”

“That’s good,” I said, unsure of what to say without giving everything away.

We sat there and read the paper together until Sean had to go to another gig. I waited until he was gone before over analyzing everything and freaking out for him. How did everything get to this point?

Served

I wasn’t really able to sleep much last night so it was a relief when Guy called me at the crack of dawn to let me know that he and the rest of the guys were waiting for Sean to have his bail set. Zoey helped me pack up my stuff while I was on the phone.

“Zoey and I are on our way down there, Guy.”

“Faith, Sean doesn’t want you to come down here.”

“What!? Why?”

“He doesn’t want you to see him like this. Once we get him released I’ll take him back to his apartment but he practically begged me to convince you not to come down here.”

“Okay,” I said a little hurt, but I understood Sean’s reasons for it, “I’ll have Zoey take me to his apartment, then.”

Zoey and I finished packing all of my stuff and then headed out to Sean’s.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay until Sean gets home?” She asked me once we’d gotten everything settled back into Sean’s place and Murphy was dozing in a window.

“No, I’ll be fine. It’s okay; you have to go to work at some point Zoey.”

She nodded and gave me a hug before she left. I had called Veronica earlier to tell her I wasn’t going to be at work for the next couple of days citing my concussion as the problem and, to be honest, the doctor said I shouldn’t go to work anyway, so I, thankfully, have some time to kind of figure things out and let everything die down a bit before Steve, Suzy, and Dina bombard me with questions about how I got the concussion.

I was in Sean’s apartment for about an hour, unpacking my clothes, putting away Murphy’s toys, etc. when he finally walked in the door.

“Faith!?” He called when he walked in.

I came out of his bedroom and gasped when I saw him. He had a black eye and swollen lip that looked horrendous.

“Oh my God!” I said moving toward him.

“It looks worse than it feels.” He said once I had closed the gap.

We stood in Sean’s foyer awkwardly, unsure of how to greet each other. I don’t think either of us really knew what to expect in regards to the other’s feelings so we just stood there for a few seconds before I gave in and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me and inhaled deeply. When we pulled apart Sean met my eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten into that fight. I never meant to put you through all of this, -I”

“What? If anything I should be apologizing to you. If I hadn’t come to see you this never would have happened.” I said.

“It’s not your fault, Faith. It’s his, he should never have put his hands on you like that, he could’ve raped you! It’s not your fault, do you understand me?”

Sean held my shoulders and refused to drop his gaze until I slowly nodded in agreement. We hugged again and then went to sit on Sean’s couch.

“Why did you come to the bar last night?” He asked once we were snuggled up.

“I went to my apartment to pick up a few things last night after hanging out with Molly. I got something in the mail that freaked me out and I wanted to tell you about it immediately.”

“What happened?”

“I got an invitation to Kevin’s wedding.” I got up and pulled it out of my duffel bag in Sean’s bedroom so he could look at it. I handed it to him when I sat back down.

He looked at it for a couple of seconds before lightly tossing it on his coffee table.

“Did you tell anyone about it?”

“I told the officer last night, they said they would pass along the information to the detective working on my break-in case, but I haven’t heard anything since then.” I said.

“I thought you said the person in your apartment was too short to be Kevin.”

“I’m almost positive that they were but he seemed like he could have been the mystery person last night. I mean showing up at the bar you were playing at the same night I got that invitation seems a little too-”

“Wait. What?”

I saw Sean stiffen quickly.

“What did I say?” I asked, confused.

“The guy in the hallway was Kevin!?”

“I thought you knew that, I thought that’s why you were so upset.”

“No! I was upset because some dude almost had his hand down your pants and was pressed against your face! If I’d known it was the bastard you dated before me I would never have stopped hitting him!”

Sean was visibly upset and I wasn’t sure what to say to make him feel better.

“It’s okay, Sean, I’m going to press charges against him. This is never going to happen again.” I said rubbing his arm.

“He’s the person who was in your apartment. The fact that he just happened to be at the bar I was playing at the same day you got his invitation, and so soon after the break-in. It’s him Faith, it has to be! He’s probably been keeping tabs on you since you broke up with him. What a sick son of a bitch.”

“I still think the person was too short to be him, but this seems like it’s impossible to just be a coincidence.” I said, “You know, I thought it might be his fiancée but I have absolutely no evidence to back that up. She found out about me right before I ended it with Kevin and if he’s been keeping tabs on me and she found out about it then maybe this is something she did to make it look like it was Kevin.”

“Yeah, but why would she want to get him in trouble right before her wedding?”

“Touché.” I said, “You know it’s possible we’ll never find out who it was.”

Before Sean could respond there was a knock on his door and he got up to answer it.

“Yes.”

There was a guy standing outside in a courier uniform.

“You’ve been served.” The courier handed Sean a packet of papers, had him sign something, and then left.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Kevin is pressing charges against me for assault and battery.” He said.

Sean was as white as a sheet as he stared at the papers.

Thought-Full

I tried to go to sleep in Zoey’s spare bedroom but I was so scared still and I ended up actually crawling into bed with her, instead, just to feel somewhat protected. My phone rang a few minutes after I fell asleep and it was Guy.

“Hey, Faith, we can’t get Sean out of jail. He needs to have his bail set and that can’t happen until tomorrow.”

“What does that mean?” I asked groggily.

“It means he’s gotta spend the night but we’re going to get him out tomorrow morning as soon as his bail is set.”

“Okay.” I said and then hung up.

I couldn’t fall back asleep so I made myself some tea and tried to watch some horrible reality television but I couldn’t turn my thoughts off. It also didn’t help much that my concussion headache was back in full force, either. I’ve decided to write out my thoughts on these past events since I can’t turn them off and Zoey’s computer happens to be available.

Overall, I think I’m still in shock. In the aftermath of the incident in Kevin’s office I was so insistent to my friends and Sean that he wasn’t dangerous and that he didn’t know what he was doing then but I was so, so wrong. I feel like I’ve been fooled majorly by someone who has done nothing but manipulate me and I just let him manipulate me at every turn. In hindsight, I really can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I should have taken Kevin’s previous behavior more seriously and pressed charges the first time. Zoey was right and I know she’ll never say ‘I told you so’ considering how shaken up I am right now, but she would have every single right to wave that in my face.

I also feel like everything I did to try and protect Sean from having to choose between the band and our relationship was all a waste of time. He assaulted Kevin and that could put his place in the band in serious jeopardy. It makes me sick thinking that I could be the reason Sean loses such an important part of his life, especially after seeing how much Guy, Lou, Eddie, and Jake all care about him…and me. They really are a family and knowing that now, makes me hurt even more over everything that’s happened.

The one thing that bothers me about all of this, however, is not the giant mess it has created but the invitation. Was it just a coincidence of timing that it showed up in my mailbox so recently after the break-in? I was so sure the person in my apartment wasn’t Kevin but now that I’ve realized my vase was smashed instead of knocked over I’m wondering if Kevin might have done it and then sent the invitation in retaliation to show that he, too, was moving on from our relationship. If it is just a coincidence then I don’t understand why Kevin would send it in the first place. We haven’t had contact in months, it just seems bizarre. I mean, I know that he has a history of doing things that are supposed to make me uncomfortable but this just seems odd considering the last thing I got from him like this was months ago when we were still working together. Part of me wonders if it might have been Hannah behind all of it but she doesn’t strike me as that kind of person and she’s marrying Kevin, I don’t think she’d want to try and frame him or get him in some kind of trouble lest it ruin her perfectly planned out wedding. She also has too much to lose by doing it.

Not knowing who was in my apartment is driving me nuts. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be comfortable in it again without at least knowing who it was.

The pain meds are starting to kick in and they’re making me drowsy so I’m going to have to continue my thoughts some other time. I’ll update what happens soon.

Night Terrors

I went to my apartment last night kind of late. I had met Molly after work to grab a bite to eat and lost track of time updating her on everything that’s happened with the break-in. She was happy to hear I finally told Sean, even though it wasn’t the best way to tell him. I went primarily, to pick up a few more clothes, Murphy’s food and my mail and then get back to Sean’s but when I walked into my apartment and started walking around I just had the heebie-jeebies all over again. I came out of the kitchen with Murphy’s food and happened to looked down the hallway where the smashed vase still was and decided to clean it up. We had been in such a hurry that I hadn’t bothered cleaning anything before we left.

When I came back with my dust pan though I noticed something about the vase: it was too far away from the table I set it on to have been knocked over by Murphy. Whoever was here deliberately smashed it. I shook off the paranoia that was creeping over me, cleaned it up, and then grabbed my stuff to get the hell out of there. My apartment just felt so eerie and I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel completely comfortable or safe in it ever again.

I grabbed my mail on the way out of my building and started sifting through it when I stopped dead cold. There was a wedding invitation for Kevin and Hannah’s wedding (it’s in the next few days) sitting on top of my light bill. It took me a few seconds to realize what it was before an immense feeling of terror came over me. I looked around the lobby of my building and then at my phone for the time before booking it over to the bar where Sean was scheduled to be playing tonight.

Once I got there I waved at him and took a seat at a table before ordering a double whiskey and downing it. I wanted to tell Sean about the invitation immediately because I learned my lesson about withholding information and also because, honestly, I was scared out of my mind and didn’t want to be alone in either of our apartments. I probably looked like some crazy person sitting there with a bag of cat food and a duffel bag full of clothes; downing alcohol like it was my job.

After a few minutes I recomposed myself and got up to go the bathroom after asking the bartender to watch my stuff. I splashed some water on my face and took deep breaths before walking out of the bathroom directly into Kevin.

“Oh my God! What are you doing here? Did you follow me?” I asked.

I was up against the wall of the hallway and tried to look past Kevin to the main room of the bar to see if anyone could get him away from me or, at the very least, see me.

“Follow you? No. I’m here celebrating my bachelor’s party and I thought I’d say hello.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not sure bringing an alcoholic to a bar is a good idea. You said ‘hello’, now good-bye!” I said trying to push past him.

He stopped me from moving and pushed me back into the wall.

“What’s with you? I just wanted to say ‘hi’. We haven’t seen each other in months. Surely you miss me.”

The only reason I didn’t laugh was because I was so terrified.

“I don’t miss you, get out of my way.” I tried to push past him again but he blocked me and grabbed my waist.

I was trying to get away but Kevin’s grip was too much; he held me pressed up against him and started moving one of his hands up to my chest. I tried to push him away and slap his hand but I couldn’t get any space between us. I started pounding on his arms with my fists but it was no use. He had his hand up my shirt and was shoving his tongue down my throat and I had a sudden flashback to being in Kevin’s office when this all happened before, yet I wasn’t as terrified the first time. I tried to push his face away or turn mine away but he held my face and was using the wall to keep me pinned to him. It took me a few seconds to realize that he stopped touching my chest and was trying to unbutton my jeans. I was trying to scream but he was practically choking me with his tongue and I started crying because I didn’t want what Kevin was doing to progress any further and I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.

As soon as Kevin got my jeans unbuttoned I closed my eyes and tried detach myself for what he might do next but he was suddenly thrown off of me. Sean had him on the ground, pinned, and he was punching the shit out of Kevin. Lou and Guy pulled Sean off and held him against a wall until he stopped fighting to get to Kevin, I noticed that Sean had a bloody lip but Kevin was much, much worse. Blood was pouring out of his nose and mouth and he already had two visible black eyes. Jake came over to me and slowly walked me back to where I left my stuff earlier. I saw Eddie talking to the bartender who looked irate and was on the phone but everything after that seemed like a blur.

A police officer took my statement and Kevin was taken to the hospital in an ambulance with another police officer while Sean gave his statement and was taken to the police station. Seeing him put in the back of a police car with cuffs on was too much for me to deal with at that point and I passed out on the sidewalk in front of the bar. I woke up in an ambulance with Jake sitting next to me holding a compress to my head while a paramedic shined a flashlight in my eyes.

“Guy and Lou are already on their way to get Sean out of jail, so don’t worry about it, okay Faith?” He said.

I was still pretty disoriented and it took me a few minutes to understand what Jake was referring to.

“Z-Zoey.” I was struggling to focus.

“She’s definitely got a concussion…” I heard the paramedic mumbling to Jake but I couldn’t make out everything that was being said, “…monitored for a few days… needs to be checked…”

The ambulance started moving and I grabbed Jakes arm.

“They have to take you to the hospital Faith, you’ve got a concussion and need to see a doctor.”

“Zoey. C-call.” I tried to reach for my cell phone to get Jake to call her but my hand bumped into the bag of cat food sitting on my lap. I would have probably laughed at this absurd picture of me sitting in the back of an ambulance with cat food on my lap and Jake holding a compress to my head had I not been so out of it. Jake eventually figured out what I wanted and he called Zoey to let her know we were headed to the hospital.

She showed up after the doctor had cleared me to go home (only after I promised to come back in two days to make sure I was okay) and I had convinced Jake I would be okay to go sit in the hallway to wait. My speech wasn’t slurred anymore but I did have the worst headache of my life. Zoey sat down and put her arm around me while Jake got me some pain meds from the on-call nurse. She had a look of utter confusion on her face but refrained from asking any questions while we were still at the hospital.

Zoey offered to drive Jake back to the bar before we went to Sean’s to pick up all of my stuff. I wasn’t really supposed to do anything too strenuous so Zoey made two trips into Sean’s to get my suitcase and Murphy (we bought another disposable litter box on the way to her place). Once we got me all settled into her guest bedroom I changed into my pajamas and sat on my bed with Murphy, unsure of how to feel. Zoey came in with a glass of water and a bottle of pain meds in case I needed them later, she was in her pajamas, too.

“So, you up to talking?” She asked watching me pet Murphy.

I nodded.

“What happened?”

“I received an invitation in the mail to Kevin’s wedding and I got scared, so I went to Sean’s gig because I was too afraid to be alone in his apartment and I wanted to tell him. But when I was waiting for him to get a break I went into the bathroom. When I came back out, Kevin was there and he-and he-”

I started crying and Zoey comforted me.

“Are you going to press charges?”

I looked up at her, “Hell, yes.”

Managed

I haven’t gone back to my apartment since the break-in and I probably will need to soon to pick up more clothes, Murphy’s food, and my mail but I’m going to do that this weekend. It’s been kind of nice, though, temporarily living with Sean. I think he’s been enjoying it, too. He came home from a gig last night in a great mood.

“Are you hungry? I made spaghetti for dinner and left some warming in the oven.”

“Aw, yes, thanks.” He went into the kitchen and then came out and sat next to me on the couch with a bowl of spaghetti and the leftover garlic bread. Murphy sat next to him licking his chops in vain hope.

“We got our new temporary manager tonight. She’s pretty cool. She’s not like Gerry at all.”

“Oh?” I asked, “How is she different?”

“Well, she doesn’t try to micromanage anything and she just lets us go with the flow. Like, Gerry would make our set lists and outline strict schedules we all had to abide by but we didn’t have to do anything like that tonight, it was nice, it was sort of like we were back in Guy’s garage just having a jam session.”

“What’s her name?” I asked.

“Karen.”

“Do you think she’d be okay with me coming to watch you play? I know Gerry hated that.”

“I don’t think she’d have a problem with that.” Sean smiled, “This is good, what did you put in this?”

“Oh, I used a six cheese blend for the sauce and I bought special garlic infused spaghetti. Have you gotten any more updates about Gerry?”

“Yeah, he and his daughter have been able to reconcile and she isn’t going to transfer the power of attorney to a medical board. He’s going to have to stay in the hospital and is in a mandatory therapy program. One thing’s for sure, he is not coming back to work. Our label received his resignation today.”

“So, what does that mean for you and the band?”

“Well, it means that we could either take Karen on as our new tour manager or she can be a temp until we find a new one. The guys don’t really like anyone we’ve met with so far so we might end up just signing with Karen if she works out for the next month and a half. We don’t have to make a decision until Gerry’s contract would have been up, so we have time if she doesn’t work out but, honestly, I think we’ll want to have her as our tour manager, she meshes well with all of us and she doesn’t have such a Debbie Downer air about her. Things just don’t seem as serious…with Gerry it always felt like a life or death situation.”

“So, Gerry just gave his resignation? Just like that?”

“Yeah, it sounds like he wants to work on things with his daughter, especially after he realized that she’s got a kid and a husband. I think he realized how much he was missing out. Guy said that Gerry asked if he could move in with her but she said no.”

“Oh.” I said feeling bad for Gerry.

“She is going to help him find an apartment close by, though. She told him that she thinks it’s important he have some independence considering how absorbed he lets himself get into things.”

“Well, she has a point there.”

“No kidding.”

Sean and I sat in a comfortable silence while we watched television; we even cuddled for awhile before retiring to go to bed. I tried to initiate some fun but Sean shut me down.

“We haven’t had sex since before the break-in.” I mumbled.

Sean sighed as he put his pajamas on.

“I’m just not in the mood.”

“I know you’re mad at me Sean, but come on! Withholding sex? Really?”

“It’s not that…”

Sean sat on the edge of the bed next to me. He sounded defeated.

“Faith, you understand that the problems I had at the beginning of our relationship…I guess technically it was the middle of our relationship…anyway, the problems I had, before, were emotionally based, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’m kind of not sure that I’ll be able to work right because of your lying and how it’s made me feel.”

“Oh.” I said quietly, “Do you think this is going to be like starting all over again?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Can we try and see where it goes?”

Sean was quiet for awhile while he considered the idea and then suddenly, he pulled me to him and started kissing me gently and then more urgently like he’d realized how much he wanted this too. We had sex and everything worked fine, afterward, Sean was almost relieved about how things had worked out and I don’t blame him. He was so unhappy when we were struggling with all of this before that I’m relieved too, starting all over would have been too much, I think, for either of us.

Recaps and Speculation

I went to work to face the concerned looks of Steve, Dina, and Suzy as soon as I walked in. I explained to them everything that had happened over lunch.

“Wait, Sean’s manager tried to kill himself?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, apparently he checked himself into a hospital three states over because he was feeling suicidal and then tried to do it while he was waiting for a psych evaluation. He tried to hang himself with a bed sheet and was placed on a 5150 psych hold the night of the break-in following his suicide attempt. He’s been placed on it indefinitely…” I said recanting the information I found out from another visit from Guy the night before.

Guy had come over with more information on Gerry’s state (he’s stable and lucid) late last night. He had decided to see if any of the other guys would sign the power of attorney, but no one can drop everything and move to be with Gerry since they don’t even know when he’s going to get out of the hospital. They’re all pretty distraught.

“Why is he so far away?” Dina asked.

“That’s where his daughter lives. Apparently he’s been keeping tabs on her for awhile but never plucked up the courage to actually make contact with her after he and his ex-wife divorced. It wasn’t a pretty divorce either. Guy thinks Gerry went there to reconnect with his daughter but wasn’t emotionally ready and had a breakdown before voluntarily checking himself into the psych ward.”

“I can’t believe Sean didn’t know any of this about Gerry.” Dina said, and Steve nodded in agreement.

“Gerry got divorced a few years before he discovered the band. Sean said Gerry’s never talked about his personal life and everyone just figured he was too much of a workaholic to have one.”

“Wait, so this means that Gerry didn’t break into your apartment, right?” Suzy asked.

“Yeah, the police confirmed it. Gerry has a rock solid alibi for the night of the break-in…an alibi that involves an indefinite psych hold.”

“So who was it?” Suzy asked taking a bite of salad.

“The police still don’t know. Sean and I were so positive it was Gerry, any other possible person just seems impossible now that we know it wasn’t him.”

“Not even Kevin?” Dina asked looking at me.

“I don’t think so. He hasn’t been in contact with me since I quit, it seems a little ridiculous that he would suddenly break into my apartment. I’m pretty sure Kevin was taller than the person I saw. Whoever was there didn’t even do anything. All the damage was done by Murphy. I’m starting to think it was just a random break in that Sean and I interrupted before anything could be stolen.”

“Well, I know that happens.” Steve said, “A friend of mine was robbed about a year ago. They caught the person after two more break-ins; it was someone in my friend’s building.”

“Well, the police interviewed my neighbors, so hopefully if it was someone in the building, one of them saw something or heard something. The police are still working on everything, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they never find the person.”

I shrugged and continued to eat my sandwich. Suzy changed the subject to the office gossip and our lunch went by without anymore mention of my recent problems.

Tension

I woke up unsure if everything from the night before had really happened until I realized I was in Sean’s bedroom. My heart sank a little when I realized that it wasn’t all a dream. When I walked out of the bedroom Sean was sitting at his computer with a cup of coffee.

“Morning.” I said unsure of what kind of mood he was going to be.

“Hey.” He said looking over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking at some management offers we got a few days ago.”

“Sean, look-”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not, you’re upset.”

“Faith, I’m going to be mad for awhile. It’s going to take me some time to feel comfortable trusting you again.”

He sighed and then turned back to the computer.

“Sean, I don’t know how to act around you. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I feel like I can’t talk to you.”

Sean spun around in the chair and gestured for me to come over and sit on his lap. He put his arms around my waist when I sat down and kissed my cheek.

“I want you to talk to me Faith. If you talked to me more I don’t think we’d have this problem, right now. The truth is I am still angry with you but I don’t want you to feel like I’m about to go off over any small thing. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me things. I’m more hurt than mad that you felt like you needed to keep something so big a secret.”

“But you understand why I did it, right?”

“Yeah, you thought I’d track Gerry down and hurt him.”

“It’s a little more than that, too.”

“Oh?”

“Sean, ever since we started dating, Gerry has been trying to make you decide between me and the band. You know I would never make you choose, I would rather break up with you than make you choose. Gerry coming over and doing what he did was a way to make you choose, even if he wasn’t consciously aware of it. I knew that if I told you it would give Gerry what he wants. You would either choose me and Gerry would get to tout how uncommitted you are to the band and how he was right all along or you would choose the band and Gerry would have his perfect career plan. Me not telling you about it was a way to protect you from being forced to choose.”

Sean was quiet for awhile while he thought about what I said.

“You have to know that I was going to tell you. I was going to do it after my birthday. I didn’t expect you to find out while I was talking to a police officer.”

Sean laughed.
“I don’t think that’s how anyone expects to find out about something like that.”

“Fair enough.” I giggled.

There was a knock on Sean’s door and we both stood up. I went into the kitchen to feed Murphy while Sean answered the door.

“Guy? What’s going on?” Guy walked in the door and immediately started talking.

“We’ve got a problem, man. Gerry’s been committed to a psychward.”

“What? Slow down.”

“He’s been in a hospital on a psych hold since our last gig. I just got a call from his daughter, he wasn’t there because he was checking himself into the hospital.”

“Gerry has a daughter?”

“That was my first thought, too. Apparently she hasn’t seen or heard from him in 12 years, she figured he died. Gerry gave them her phone number when he was admitted. She phone my number in his phone and called it.”

“Whoa. Wait, I thought Jake talked to him when he didn’t show for our last gig?”

“He did, but it must have been before Gerry checked himself in. His daughter says that he’s not going to be released for awhile. He tried to kill himself last night, man.”

Sean sat down on a chair while Guy paced around the front door. I didn’t know what to do but ultimately decided to go and comfort Sean. Guy barely noticed I was there because he was so panicked.

“His daughter wants to sign Gerry’s power of attorney over to one of us so we can make health decisions for him.”

“What!?” Sean looked up.

“His daughter doesn’t know anything about him, she wants to wash her hands of it and go back to thinking he’s dead.”

“That’s so sad.” I whispered without thinking.

“I think you should do it.” Guy said looking at Sean.

“What? No way! I can’t.”

“I can’t either, and you know no one else is going to step up.”

“Where is he, exactly?”

“He’s in a hospital three states over.”

“No way! Absolutely not! None of us can do that! His daughter is going to have to find someone else. I can’t move three states over.”

“Sean, he’s been with us from the beginning, we can’t just abandon him.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Guy. Gerry and I have been fighting for months; it would be a conflict of interest for me to make medical decisions for him.”

Guy sat down next to Sean, they were both in shock and seemed to be trying o find a way out of this impossible situation. After awhile, Guy sighed and sadly nodded his head.

“I’ll go tell his daughter we can’t help her…or him. It’s just not…”

“Okay, I’ll call the label and let them know, they’ll be able to set us up with a temporary manger.”

And with that Guy left. I rubbed Sean’s back and tried to comfort him as best he could. I had a feeling he felt a little responsible for what has happened to Gerry. We sat in silence for a long time before Sean got up to make some phone calls. He’s been pretty quiet since then but I heard him call his therapist and set up an extra appointment. I’m sad for Gerry but I’m proud of Sean for coping with this the healthy way.

Birthday Bummer

(*Note: There's been two posts, make sure to read the one below this one first or you might be really confused*)

I woke up the morning of my birthday with a clear mind and looking forward to my dinner party. I got flowers from Sean delivered to my apartment and put them in a crystal vase before I left for work. They were gorgeous! The bouquet had purple violets and roses with two purple orchids in the center and yellow sprigs of accents flowers. I’ve never gotten such beautiful flowers before and I was touched that Sean did this. I had a feeling he put a lot of effort into picking just the right arrangement and flowers. I was planning on using them for the centerpiece for dinner.

Steve, Suzy, and Dina organized a small birthday party (cupcakes and a card signed by everyone) at work and let me know they were all looking forward to my party later that night. I was so excited but work seemed to take forever and by the time I left to meet Sean outside I was bursting at the seams.

“Hey birthday girl!” Sean was leaning on the side of my building when I came out of the front doors.

His hair was windswept and he was wearing a pair of dark jeans, his Chucks, and a heavy gray sweater over a white t-shirt.

“Hey, you. I got the flowers. They’re beautiful. Thank you.” I gave Sean a passionate kiss and a hug before we set off for the grocery store.

I spent about 30 minutes shopping for all of the things I would need for the dinner while Sean picked up the cake and made sure I couldn’t see it by covering it with his jacket. I felt happier than I have in awhile and Sean was giggling with me and flirting. It was nice. He even bought me an obnoxious birthday balloon when we went to check out.

We were still laughing and flirting when I opened the door to my apartment, carrying heavy bags of groceries. Sean went to go put the bags of groceries in the kitchen as I went to tie the balloon onto a chair back. I stepped on something in the hallway though and stopped midway.

“Sean?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Murphy in the kitchen with you?”

“No, why?”

I released the balloon so it bumped up against the ceiling and walked into the kitchen.

“The flowers you sent me were knocked off of the table I left them on. I’m worried that Murphy knocked it over and hurt himself…he usually greets me when I come through the door…”

“He’s probably sleeping or something; do you want me to grab a dustpan?”

“Yeah,” I said looking around.

Sean handed me a dust pan but then pulled me to him and we started making out in my kitchen. He had me up on one of my counters when I suddenly opened my eyes and screamed. There was a dark figure coming out of my bedroom towards us. Sean spun around and grabbed a knife from a wood block next to me. The figure stopped in my hallway like it was deciding where to go and suddenly ran out my front door and away. Sean tried to run after whoever it was but they lost him. He came back out of breath and told me to call the police.

My hands were shaking and I was struggling not to go into hysterics.

“S-Sean…M-Murphy…find him.” I squeaked out while I dialed the phone.

I reported the break-in and the dispatcher told me she would send some police officers over to the apartment as soon as possible. When I got off the phone Sean came around the corner holding Murphy.

“He was under the couch, shaking. I think he was scared of whoever was here.”

He handed him to me and then held me. As we were standing in the kitchen waiting for the police, Zoey walked through my open front door.

“Hey, guys…what’s going on?” She looked around bewildered.

“Someone broke into Faith’s apartment. We just called the police.”

“Oh my God! Faith do you want me to call everyone and tell them not to come?”

I nodded and gave her the list of people who were supposed to come and their phone numbers. She stepped into the hall and started calling people. Within a few minutes two police officers were looking through my apartment while another one was talking to Sean and I about what happened. We had just finished telling them everything when Zoey came in to stand next to me. The officer was writing everything down and then started asking me questions.

“Have you ever received any odd gifts from a stranger or a secret admirer? Any unexplained notes?”

“No…nothing like that…well, my ex-boyfriend Kevin sent me some morbid stuff after we broke up. We didn’t end on good terms but I haven’t seen anything like that since I got my new job.”

“What!?” Sean recoiled away from me in shock. I realized that I had never told him about the strange bereavement card or the flowers that Kevin claimed weren’t from him and I downplayed how crazy Kevin went around the time I quit.

“Sean, it’s not like that, he wouldn’t admit to sending the stuff but he was just playing with my head.”

“What did he send you?” The officer asked cutting Sean off and leaving him to stew in his shock and anger.

“A bereavement card that said, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ when we broke up and a bouquet of flowers when we were together. It didn’t have a note.”

“Has your ex-boyfriend been in contact with you since you quit your job?”

“No.”

“But he knows where you live?”

“Yes.”

“You said you ended on bad terms, can you tell me what that means?”

“I found out he was lying to me about being involved with someone else. We worked together and he wasn’t handling it professionally at work. When I decided to quit and turn in my resignation to him he tried to grope me and take my shirt off.”

“Did you press charges?”

“No, I just wanted to leave everything behind. He was drunk when it happened and I loved my old newspaper company, just not him being my boss. I didn’t want to cause them any extra legal troubles.”

“Is there anyone else who might want to hurt you or break into your apartment?”

There was a beat of silence and I looked at Sean.

“Ma’am?”

“Who, Faith?” Sean urged.

“Gerry. That’s my boyfriend’s tour manager. He came over about a week ago and tried to scare me into breaking up with Sean. He grabbed my arm and tried to restrain me when I refused but my cat attacked him. He told me that I’m the reason he was going to lose his job and that he couldn’t let that happen; that I needed to be put in my place and that I was controlling Sean’s life so I could be the band’s tour manager. He was not in the right mind and was clearly upset. That’s why I didn’t tell you Sean. I was going to; I was just waiting for the right time.”

“How could you not tell me this!?” Sean was yelling and bright red.

“Sean! Now isn’t the time, okay?” Zoey cut in and gave Sean a warning stare, “She has more important things to focus on right now, don’t you think?”

Sean crossed his arms and looked away, it was pretty obvious that he was incredibly pissed at me and that I was in some serious trouble later. The officer was eyeing both of us and then saw the black and purple bruise on my arm and looked at Sean.

“It wasn’t him, it was Gerry.” I said acidly.

“Do you want to press charges against Gerry?”

“No.”

Sean squirmed next to me and Zoey shifted uncomfortably.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. He wasn’t in his right mind. He was upset.”

“How did he find your address?”

“He told me he followed Sean after work one night and then came back the next day.”

Sean moved almost like he’d been electrocuted but didn’t say anything.

“Okay, I’m going to ask you to do a walkthrough of your apartment to see if anything was stolen.”

I followed the officer and looked all over my apartment but the only thing that was missing was my toothbrush and the only thing that was damaged was the vase Sean’s flowers had been in. I figured Murphy got up and knocked the flowers over, possibly trying to get away from whoever had been here and he’s knocked my toothbrush on the floor before so I figured he did it again and it was hiding under a shelf or something but I was too shook up to really look for it.

After a few hours, the police left and I was alone with Sean and Zoey. I had been struggling to keep myself composed since I saw the dark figure moving towards me and the emotional exhaustion was starting to take its toll. I walked back to the kitchen after closing the door behind the police and caught Sean and Zoey whispering to each other. They stopped as soon as they saw me.

“I don’t really feel comfortable staying here…” I said, my voice was hoarse.

“I’ll take you and Murphy to my place, Zoey already offered to drive us. You should go pack a bag; I’m going to run to the store to buy a disposable cat box and I should be back in 20 minutes, okay?”

Zoey threw Sean her keys before he hugged me and left. She then started collecting various things for Murphy: his food dish, his small cat bed, a bag of food, two or three toys, and the security blanket he’s had since he was at the adoption shelter. I started packing a bag and realized about halfway through that I had no idea how long it would take for me to want to come back to my apartment so I packed enough clothes for a week and hoped I was over-packing. I threw a bag of toiletries together and added it to my suitcase when Sean walked through the door.

The ride to Sean’s apartment was silent except for the moments where Murphy meowed out of nervousness (he tends to associate the car with the vet so I don’t blame him) and the noise of the city. Neither of us said a word until Zoey dropped us off. She helped us carry everything upstairs and I went to see her off while Sean set up the cat box for Murphy.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“I think so,” I said with an air of detachment.

“I didn’t mean about this, I meant about you and Sean. He seems really pissed, Faith.”

“I’m in a lot of trouble,” I conceded, “but I think we’ll be able to work through this. I mean, he didn’t need to offer his apartment to me, he knew you could have easily taken me in. It will be unpleasant but I…I have to believe things will be okay right now because I don’t know if I can handle losing Sean right after losing Elise and now this…I should have told him as soon as it happened. Why am I so stupid?” I asked, sighing, and leaning against her car to look up at Sean’s apartment.

“You’re not stupid,” she said hugging me, “You were afraid. When we’re scared we don’t think clearly.” She smiled warmly which caused a feeling embarrassment to start creeping over me.

“Why did you show up so early, Zoey?” I asked changing the subject.

“I thought you’d want some help setting up for the party.” She said.

She looked at her watch and then looked at me.

“How long are you going to avoid going up there?” She asked with a smirk.

“I don’t know. I don’t really want to. I’m exhausted, it’s amazing how drained a person can feel after being terrified. This is the second time this week I’ve felt that way, too. At least I don’t have to expend the energy hiding everything anymore.”

“Hey,” she said looking at me, “I’ll go get your stuff and load it up in the car right now if you want me to. I have that extra guest room.”

“No,” I said sighing and committing myself to talking to Sean, “He deserves an explanation. I can’t hide from this forever, especially now that it seems Gerry really is unstable enough to hurt me.”

“Okay, well, if things get to be too much you can call me and I’ll be here in 15 minutes.”

“I will.”

“I mean it, Faith,” She said holding my shoulders, “no matter how late it is.”

Zoey gave me one more hug before getting in her car and leaving. I took a few moments before going upstairs to face Sean. He was sitting at his dining room table with two glasses of hot chocolate; Murphy was sitting next to him on the tabletop flicking his tail.

“Hi.” I said meekly closing the door behind me.

“Hi. I thought you might want something to eat so I’m toasting an Italian sub for us in the oven.”

I realized how hungry I was as soon as the smell from the kitchen hit me and I thanked Sean before I sat down at the table across from him. Murphy meowed and walked over to sit near me as I took a sip from my cup.

“I was going to tell you.” I said looking at my cup.

“But you didn’t. At least not until you were forced to.” He got up and went to the kitchen before I could respond.

I sat there and stroked Murphy until Sean came back and set down a plate in front of me with half a sandwich and some apple slices on it.

“I just wanted some time to try and figure out the best way to tell you. I wanted to get all of my thoughts about what happened in order because I knew you’d be upset and one of us needed to keep a straight head after you’d been told.”

“Faith, this isn’t the first time you’ve lied to me by omission. How can you expect me to trust you when you do things like this?”

“Sean, the stuff with Kevin was in the past, I told you I didn’t think it was relevant. I didn’t know how concerned you were about it which is why I didn’t think to tell you.”

“But then I told you how much it concerned me and you still omitted stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that he sent you those creepy things. A bereavement card? Really?”

“I didn’t purposefully omit those things, Sean, I honestly forgot all about it until the police officer asked me about weird gifts.” My voice was tight with emotion but I tried to control it. I knew if I let myself succumb to the trauma of what we had just dealt with surface I wouldn’t be able to stop it.

Sean sighed and we ate in silence. When we were both finished he got up and took our plates to head towards the kitchen.

Over his shoulder he said, “I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight.”

I sat at the table for a few moments letting that decision sink in before heading into the kitchen.

“Sean, this is your apartment, I’ll sleep on the couch. Plus, you can’t sleep with light streaming through the windows.”

“No. Just go to bed, Faith.”

I stood in the kitchen doorway a little hurt by what he was saying before I decided to just give up and let Sean be a martyr on the couch. After putting on an oversized t-shirt and crawling into bed I sat in the middle of it with my chin on my knees. Sean came in holding something after a few minutes of me sitting there unable to turn off my mind.

“Here,” He said handing me a small box.

“What is this?” I asked looking at the box with confusion.

“It’s your birthday present. I was going to give it to you tomorrow but I think it’s safe to say that our special date isn’t going to be happening so soon.”

I took the box and opened it and then looked at Sean.

“It’s really sweet, Sean. I love it.” He had given me a silver necklace with a crystal music note on it.

“I love you, too,” I added when I realized he wouldn’t look at me, “Sean, please.”

I reached for his hand but he moved away before we connected and headed into the bedroom’s private bathroom. He came back out and sat down next to me.

“I also got you this.” He said handing me something inside a plastic CVS bag.

I opened it and looked at Sean before I enthusiastically hugged him. It was a blue toothbrush with a small red ribbon tied around the neck. It happened all at once: the hug, my crying, and then my sobbing. The emotion that I had been trying to hold back for hours had finally been allowed to surface and Sean just held me. He didn’t have to say anything, I knew things would be okay, eventually.

Missing

Shortly after Molly left Sean came over after finishing a gig. He plunked down next to me and grabbed a leftover slice of pizza from the coffee table before asking me about my day.

“It was uneventful. How was your gig?” I asked trying to sound nonchalant. There’s no way Gerry’s scratches would have healed by now and they were all over his face. Sean was bound to mention it.

“It was fine but Gerry wasn’t there, so that was really weird. Jake talked to him over the phone, though, so we know he’s not dead or in a hospital somewhere.” Sean laughed.

“Doesn’t the tour manager have to be at every show?” I asked.

“Not really, it’s just weird because Gerry has never missed a show since he’s been our manager, so it’s only weird because it’s Gerry missing a show not some other tour manager. Maybe it’s a sign that he’s starting to branch out, maybe he’s getting a social life now that he knows we aren’t renewing his contract, you know?”

“Yeah,” I said, “maybe.”

“Are you getting excited about your dinner party?” Sean asked.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” I said, “really excited.”

“You seem distracted…” Sean said reaching for another slice of left over pizza.

“Oh, I’m just planning the party out in my head, you know, just making sure I haven’t forgotten anything for the grocery list.”

“Well, personally, I think you should be excited.”

“Why is that?” I asked pulling myself away from the things Molly had said that were swirling through my mind.

“Because I got you the best birthday present ever.”

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“Nope.”

“Jerk.” I fake pouted.

We sat in a comfortable silence while I channel surfed until Sean perked up with a question from left field.

“How have you been dealing with the whole Elise fallout?”

“Well, if I’m being honest with myself, I thought I’d be more upset about losing someone I was close friends with but I feel relieved more than anything.”

“I can kind of tell.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, don’t get mad, but you were kind of mean when that stuff really started getting out of control.”

“What?”

“You were just kind of snappy all the time, I mean that mini-fight-that-turned-out-to-be-a-misunderstanding-thing about Gerry’s contract and him still being at shows wasn’t your usual self. You usually let me talk before expressing your concerns. I mean…you’ve never made me guess why you were mad before that.”

I thought about what Sean was saying and he was completely right. I have been pretty short with him these past few weeks.

“I’m really sorry, Sean. You deserve to be treated better than that.”

“It’s no big deal, I get that you were under a lot of pressure, especially with Anna and the whole not-wanting-Zoey-to-know thing. I get it.” He kissed my forehead and I drifted back into the conversation Molly and I had had only a few hours earlier.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sean asked, snapping me out of my guilt.

“Sure, just planning for the big party again.” I tried to giggle convincingly.

I was, of course, lying to Sean. The truth is that my talk with Molly had been bothering me a lot and I couldn’t seem to get her voice out of my head. When Sean and I went to sleep that night I was really restless and had a hard time falling asleep. It was like this the whole next day, too.

Tonight I finally sat down and thought about everything and my reasons behind not wanting to tell Sean about what happened with Gerry. I made a list of pros and cons and debated them with Murphy’s help for the better part of my evening and I’ve decided that I am going to tell Sean but I’m going to need a few days to figure out how to tell him and how to explain it to him so he doesn’t immediately go out and try to kill Gerry or hate me for not telling him immediately. My plan is to tell him the day after our special birthday date since neither of us have anywhere to be and I won’t feel rushed explaining things.

Spook

I’ve decided to have a dinner party to celebrate my upcoming birthday and invited Anna, Zoey, Molly, Sean and his friends, and Suzy, Dina, and Steve from work. I’m going to be making pot roast with roasted vegetables, mashed potatoes and gravy, and dinner rolls for the entrée, a wedge salad with homemade ranch dressing, bacon crumbles, and parmesan cheese for a starter, and for dessert Sean wanted to get me a marble cake as a surprise. I’m also going to make those stuffed mushrooms that Sean really likes as an appetizer for my guests. I’m really excited about this. I know most people wouldn’t want to cook for hours on their birthday but I’ve never done a dinner party before and I’ve been getting a lot better with my cooking skills.

Suzy, Dina, and Steve were all really excited for the party and responded to my e-vites (which I sent out over lunch) right away. Everyone else responded later tonight except for Sean’s friends which he’s going to invite after their gig tonight. My social life is starting to fill up pretty quick because Molly wanted to come over with a pizza and some Netflix movies tonight (she just left, but I’ll come back to that) and I’m going to go on a shopping date with Anna for more maternity clothes next week and Zoey is coming with us. Molly and Zoey and I are going to hang out and go thrifting a little later this week and Sean and I are going to go grocery shopping for my dinner party the day of my birthday and then he’s going to take me out for a lavish date the day after!

I haven’t been so socially busy in a long time and it’s exciting. It also helps me keep my mind off of the Gerry thing. Speaking of Gerry, Molly practically invited herself over tonight and I had a feeling she was going to drill me about the unexplained bruise on my arm.

“I’ve got pepperoni with extra cheese, some ice cold sodas, and four Netflix movies with our names on them!” She trilled as I let her into my apartment.

I grabbed some plates and cups from my kitchen and met her on the couch. We decided to watch Sleeping with the Enemy first and it didn’t take long before Molly was trying to awkwardly ask me about my bruise.

“So….how’s everything going?”

“Fine.”

“Are you going to need help with cooking for the dinner party?”

“Sean’s helping me.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Oh.”

I looked at Molly, who had a sour expression on her face.

“What’s wrong? You like Sean.”

“I don’t like him if he’s hitting you, Faith!”

I looked at Molly with my mouth gaping in astonishment and confusion.

“My sister was in an abusive relationship and I-”

“WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Sean has never hit me Molly.”

“Then why are you lying about how you got that bruise?”

“…it’s…complicated. And besides…you heard me lie to Sean about my bruise. Why would I lie to him about how I got if he’s the one who did it?”

“Faith, who is hurting you?”

“It’s nothing, Molly. I bumped it.”

“No. You didn’t.”

Molly’s tone made it very clear that she wasn’t leaving until I answered her with the truth and I just gave up trying to avoid letting everything out.

“Sean’s tour manager came over the other day and we got into an argument. He grabbed me out of frustration and left shortly thereafter,” Molly’s face was filled with disgust, “He lost control for one minute, it was a mistake.”

Molly gave me a skeptical look and I told her the whole story.

“You have to tell Sean about this!”

“No.”

“Faith!”

“I can’t. If Sean finds out he might attack Gerry or risk his position in the band and I can’t let him do that because Gerry wants to play the stern father-figure. His contract isn’t being renewed so I only have to put up with him for three more months and then I never have to worry about him again.”

I was bordering on hysterical and was panicking with the thought of Molly telling Sean.

“You can’t tell him Molly!” I added.

“I’m not going to tell him, Faith, but you’re going to have to tell him at some point. He’ll find out some day, that’s usually how lies work out.”

“I’m technically just lying by omission, though.”

“No you’re not. He asked you what happened to our arm after Zoey’s party.”

“Dammit. I don’t think there will ever need to be a reason to tell him if I can make it until January.”

“And what’s going to happen if Gerry comes back? He knows where you live. He could come back and hurt you again. What are you going to do if you do have to see him again? Or, what if he’s able to reconcile with Sean and they renew his contract?”

“Molly, you’re raining on my poorly laid out plan.”

“The guy stalked your boyfriend to figure out where you live and then waited until he left so he could isolate you.”

“When you put it like that it sounds so wrong. Gerry doesn’t have anything else besides the band, Molly. He has no family, no kids, just his job and he thinks I’m the reason for that going south. It’s understandable that he would be so upset.”

“Faith, listen to yourself: ‘He thinks I’m the reason for that going south.’ Yeah…he sees you as the one obstacle standing between him and the only thing he has in his life. How unstable is he? Could he try to kill you?”

“You’re over-exaggerating.” I said reaching for another slice of pizza and trying to get that possibility out of my head.

“Really? Because I don’t think you’re taking it seriously enough.”

“I can’t press charges without letting Sean know, Molly. I’m stuck between hurting someone I love and taking the path of least resistance.”

“This isn’t your fault! Sean’s problems with Gerry aren’t because of you! It’s because he wants to micromanage and obsessively control everything about the band.”

I got really quiet. Molly has a point but it’s such an impossible decision. Sean could lose everything if I tell him about this and I just can’t do that to him. I think Molly could tell I was having a personal crisis and thankfully changed the subject to the movie. She didn’t bring the Gerry situation up for the rest of the night but she gave me a really strong hug when she left, almost like she was worried she might not see me again. Our whole conversation gave me the heebie-jeebies.