Thought-Full

I tried to go to sleep in Zoey’s spare bedroom but I was so scared still and I ended up actually crawling into bed with her, instead, just to feel somewhat protected. My phone rang a few minutes after I fell asleep and it was Guy.

“Hey, Faith, we can’t get Sean out of jail. He needs to have his bail set and that can’t happen until tomorrow.”

“What does that mean?” I asked groggily.

“It means he’s gotta spend the night but we’re going to get him out tomorrow morning as soon as his bail is set.”

“Okay.” I said and then hung up.

I couldn’t fall back asleep so I made myself some tea and tried to watch some horrible reality television but I couldn’t turn my thoughts off. It also didn’t help much that my concussion headache was back in full force, either. I’ve decided to write out my thoughts on these past events since I can’t turn them off and Zoey’s computer happens to be available.

Overall, I think I’m still in shock. In the aftermath of the incident in Kevin’s office I was so insistent to my friends and Sean that he wasn’t dangerous and that he didn’t know what he was doing then but I was so, so wrong. I feel like I’ve been fooled majorly by someone who has done nothing but manipulate me and I just let him manipulate me at every turn. In hindsight, I really can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I should have taken Kevin’s previous behavior more seriously and pressed charges the first time. Zoey was right and I know she’ll never say ‘I told you so’ considering how shaken up I am right now, but she would have every single right to wave that in my face.

I also feel like everything I did to try and protect Sean from having to choose between the band and our relationship was all a waste of time. He assaulted Kevin and that could put his place in the band in serious jeopardy. It makes me sick thinking that I could be the reason Sean loses such an important part of his life, especially after seeing how much Guy, Lou, Eddie, and Jake all care about him…and me. They really are a family and knowing that now, makes me hurt even more over everything that’s happened.

The one thing that bothers me about all of this, however, is not the giant mess it has created but the invitation. Was it just a coincidence of timing that it showed up in my mailbox so recently after the break-in? I was so sure the person in my apartment wasn’t Kevin but now that I’ve realized my vase was smashed instead of knocked over I’m wondering if Kevin might have done it and then sent the invitation in retaliation to show that he, too, was moving on from our relationship. If it is just a coincidence then I don’t understand why Kevin would send it in the first place. We haven’t had contact in months, it just seems bizarre. I mean, I know that he has a history of doing things that are supposed to make me uncomfortable but this just seems odd considering the last thing I got from him like this was months ago when we were still working together. Part of me wonders if it might have been Hannah behind all of it but she doesn’t strike me as that kind of person and she’s marrying Kevin, I don’t think she’d want to try and frame him or get him in some kind of trouble lest it ruin her perfectly planned out wedding. She also has too much to lose by doing it.

Not knowing who was in my apartment is driving me nuts. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be comfortable in it again without at least knowing who it was.

The pain meds are starting to kick in and they’re making me drowsy so I’m going to have to continue my thoughts some other time. I’ll update what happens soon.