Mall Rats

Sean and I went Christmas gift shopping for my parents even though we decided it was best if he didn’t come. I made up an excuse about him having a family emergency that he couldn’t get out of and would be dealing with for awhile and my mom was upset but didn’t push the issue. He wanted to buy my parents gifts as a way to apologize and still somewhat participate in the holidays with them since they were nice enough to invite him. My mom was able to get almost all of her money back for the ticket, too, so things worked out pretty well in that regard.

“What kind of stuff do they like again?” Sean asked as we strolled through a mall.

“Well, my mom likes snowmen things, but only if they’re blue. She likes them more if they’re dark blue but she will accept light blue ones as well. She also loves anything with a butterfly on it and recently got into making and drinking tea. My dad is obsessed with his Kindle and food.”

“Hmmmm.” Sean looked around and pulled me through the mall. I know this is probably shocking, because I LOVE shopping, but holiday shopping is something I’m not that into because of the crowds and how rude people can be. Plus, my parents are deceptively hard to shop for, especially my dad.

After a few hours Sean and I left the mall with some fancy chocolate truffles, an Amazon Kindle gift card, and a cover for the Kindle with a built in light on it for my dad. For my mom Sean found a cute little stuffed animal type of snowman, two tea ball infusers, and a garden sculpture of a butterfly with stained glass wings. I’m going to be bring all of his gifts with me, except the garden sculpture (which is from both of us, as is the Kindle reading light cover) and the truffles which he’ll be mailing to me. I was a little touched with how much thought Sean put into the gifts that he got for my parents. I’m not really sure why, I mean, Sean is a thoughtful guy but it was touching to see that he was being just as thoughtful towards my parents as he normally is with me. We grabbed some dinner in the food court and a thought struck me while we were eating.

“Um…should I get a gift for your brother?” I asked randomly.

Sean looked at me stiffly.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just thought that since you weren’t going to come home with me you’d make other plans. No one should be alone on Christmas.”

“I’ll just hang out with the guys.”

“They aren’t visiting family?”

“Well, Lou isn’t. He doesn’t have one, we’ll probably just order Chinese food and watch It’s a Wonderful Life on cable.”

“Wait, what? Lou doesn’t have a family?”

“No.” Sean shook his head, “His parents were murdered when he was a kid in a convenience store robbery, his little brother died three years ago from a drug overdose, and his grandmother passed away shortly after from cancer.”

“That’s so sad.” I said.

“Yeah, his mom was pregnant when she died too. They weren’t able to save it. Lou would have had a sister.”

I was shocked at how coldly Sean was able to recite this information. Part of me wondered if it hit too close to home for him and detaching himself from it was a coping mechanism.

“Sean…” I said tentatively, “Why don’t you talk to your brother.”

“Can we not get into this? He’s not part of my life, that’s really all that matters.”

I let it go and we finished dinner shortly after. I bought gifts for Lou and the other band members (a matching scarf set for Eddie and Jake, a guitar pick-shaped hole-puncher that you can use on old gift cards or credit cards to make your own picks for Guy, a clipboard with a calculator on it and a pen storage compartment for Karen, and a gourmet cheese sampler for Lou which Sean promised me he would love) once we started walking around again. I think I’ll probably get Sean that same guitar pick maker thing because he seemed really interested in it (and a little jealous I wasn’t buying it for him). I paused before we left, though.

“What’s up?” Sean said when he noticed I had fallen back.

“Should we get something for Gerry?” I asked.

Sean looked at me for a moment, incredulous.

“You’ve known him for a long time. He’s going through a rough patch.”

“Without work I don’t really know what to get him. A card that says, ‘congrats on not killing yourself’?”

“Sean, that’s kind of rude.” I said surprised at his words, “He really could have died, you know. You said he moved into his own apartment, could we send him some pots and pans or something?”

“Fine.” He said trudging back into the mall with me. We didn’t get Gerry a set of pots and pans, instead, we ended up buying him a welcome sign for his front door that had music notes on it and some pretzels dipped in chocolate.

I think bringing up Gerry was probably stupid, in hindsight, but I think now that he’s getting help, Sean should try and rebuild what they had or at least make a good will gesture to at least let Gerry know that he knows he’s alive and okay. Bringing up Paul was also stupid. I knew it was a taboo topic and Sean had previously made it clear it was off-limits but I don’t like the idea of Sean and Lou sitting around in an apartment on Christmas, alone. Had I known about Lou’s past beforehand I probably would have insisted that he come to my parents’ house for the holidays as well, since I’ve gotten to know him a bit better since Sean’s arrest, but it’s too late now.

Devolving

Over the past few days I’ve met with a lawyer to pursue pressing charges against Kevin and it looks like we’ve set a “mediation” appointment with him and his lawyer when he gets back from his honeymoon to see if we can reach an agreement without having to go through a trial or something really time consuming. To be completely honest, I really don’t know how I want Kevin to be punished, I just want him to be punished. I was walking to Sean’s apartment to tell him that everything was set but I picked up a newspaper on the way. When I opened it in the elevator there was a picture of Kevin and Hannah on their wedding day in the wedding announcement section. She looked gorgeous in a designer dress and there was an article underneath the picture that talked mostly about her big-wig job as a fashion consultant and her family’s money. Kevin is definitely on easy street now that they’re married; too bad he had two black eyes and a swollen lip in the picture. Heh. I couldn’t wait to show Sean, he’d probably find it as amusing as I did.

When I got to Sean’s apartment I heard him talking in his bedroom so I fed Murphy and then sat in the living room reading other sections of the newspaper. I could sort of hear what Sean was saying and I didn’t purposefully mean to eavesdrop but it was almost impossible not to.

“Man, what am I going to do? I don’t have the money for a lawyer. I’m going to end up in jail, Lou!”

I, honestly, was shocked. Sean had been playing it really cool for the past few days once the initial shock of being served had subsided. I thought he was handling things but I was wrong.

“I can’t go to jail, Lou! It will ruin my life; I’ll have to stop playing music-”

“Don’t be ridiculous, the band can’t wait for me if I’m convicted, we’re just starting to get some awesome reviews and opportunities. Plus, this guy s out to get me, man, he’s going to demand I serve time, I just know it.”

There was a long pause.

“No. No, absolutely NOT. I am NOT calling Paul. No way, man. I don’t need him to come and bail me out, just because he’s my brother doesn’t mean he’s going to do this pro-bono.”

“I think we should probably start looking for a new guitar player, to be honest. I’ll let you know what happens, but I gotta go.”

A few seconds later Sean opened his bedroom door and acted like he was completely fine. I tried to look like I was nonchalant and absorbed with the paper.

“Hey, you.” I said as he kissed my forehead and sat next to me.

“How’s the noggin?” He asked.

“Better, the doctor gave me a clean bill of health at my check-up today. You have to see this,” I said handing the paper to him with the picture of Kevin and Hannah on it.

Sean smiled and then took out the music section of the paper before handing it back to me. I let silence fall between us to see if Sean would say anything about the phone call to Lou but it didn’t seem like he was going to. I don’t think he knew I overheard him.

“So, how is everything going?” I tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible.

“Fine. Karen was able to do damage control and get us a few more gigs at that bar as well as some others at larger venues. It’s weird; she used the whole incident to kind of build up our cred as musicians but also downplayed it so we weren’t seen as a bunch of monsters.”

“That’s good,” I said, unsure of what to say without giving everything away.

We sat there and read the paper together until Sean had to go to another gig. I waited until he was gone before over analyzing everything and freaking out for him. How did everything get to this point?

Thought-Full

I tried to go to sleep in Zoey’s spare bedroom but I was so scared still and I ended up actually crawling into bed with her, instead, just to feel somewhat protected. My phone rang a few minutes after I fell asleep and it was Guy.

“Hey, Faith, we can’t get Sean out of jail. He needs to have his bail set and that can’t happen until tomorrow.”

“What does that mean?” I asked groggily.

“It means he’s gotta spend the night but we’re going to get him out tomorrow morning as soon as his bail is set.”

“Okay.” I said and then hung up.

I couldn’t fall back asleep so I made myself some tea and tried to watch some horrible reality television but I couldn’t turn my thoughts off. It also didn’t help much that my concussion headache was back in full force, either. I’ve decided to write out my thoughts on these past events since I can’t turn them off and Zoey’s computer happens to be available.

Overall, I think I’m still in shock. In the aftermath of the incident in Kevin’s office I was so insistent to my friends and Sean that he wasn’t dangerous and that he didn’t know what he was doing then but I was so, so wrong. I feel like I’ve been fooled majorly by someone who has done nothing but manipulate me and I just let him manipulate me at every turn. In hindsight, I really can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I should have taken Kevin’s previous behavior more seriously and pressed charges the first time. Zoey was right and I know she’ll never say ‘I told you so’ considering how shaken up I am right now, but she would have every single right to wave that in my face.

I also feel like everything I did to try and protect Sean from having to choose between the band and our relationship was all a waste of time. He assaulted Kevin and that could put his place in the band in serious jeopardy. It makes me sick thinking that I could be the reason Sean loses such an important part of his life, especially after seeing how much Guy, Lou, Eddie, and Jake all care about him…and me. They really are a family and knowing that now, makes me hurt even more over everything that’s happened.

The one thing that bothers me about all of this, however, is not the giant mess it has created but the invitation. Was it just a coincidence of timing that it showed up in my mailbox so recently after the break-in? I was so sure the person in my apartment wasn’t Kevin but now that I’ve realized my vase was smashed instead of knocked over I’m wondering if Kevin might have done it and then sent the invitation in retaliation to show that he, too, was moving on from our relationship. If it is just a coincidence then I don’t understand why Kevin would send it in the first place. We haven’t had contact in months, it just seems bizarre. I mean, I know that he has a history of doing things that are supposed to make me uncomfortable but this just seems odd considering the last thing I got from him like this was months ago when we were still working together. Part of me wonders if it might have been Hannah behind all of it but she doesn’t strike me as that kind of person and she’s marrying Kevin, I don’t think she’d want to try and frame him or get him in some kind of trouble lest it ruin her perfectly planned out wedding. She also has too much to lose by doing it.

Not knowing who was in my apartment is driving me nuts. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be comfortable in it again without at least knowing who it was.

The pain meds are starting to kick in and they’re making me drowsy so I’m going to have to continue my thoughts some other time. I’ll update what happens soon.

Night Terrors

I went to my apartment last night kind of late. I had met Molly after work to grab a bite to eat and lost track of time updating her on everything that’s happened with the break-in. She was happy to hear I finally told Sean, even though it wasn’t the best way to tell him. I went primarily, to pick up a few more clothes, Murphy’s food and my mail and then get back to Sean’s but when I walked into my apartment and started walking around I just had the heebie-jeebies all over again. I came out of the kitchen with Murphy’s food and happened to looked down the hallway where the smashed vase still was and decided to clean it up. We had been in such a hurry that I hadn’t bothered cleaning anything before we left.

When I came back with my dust pan though I noticed something about the vase: it was too far away from the table I set it on to have been knocked over by Murphy. Whoever was here deliberately smashed it. I shook off the paranoia that was creeping over me, cleaned it up, and then grabbed my stuff to get the hell out of there. My apartment just felt so eerie and I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel completely comfortable or safe in it ever again.

I grabbed my mail on the way out of my building and started sifting through it when I stopped dead cold. There was a wedding invitation for Kevin and Hannah’s wedding (it’s in the next few days) sitting on top of my light bill. It took me a few seconds to realize what it was before an immense feeling of terror came over me. I looked around the lobby of my building and then at my phone for the time before booking it over to the bar where Sean was scheduled to be playing tonight.

Once I got there I waved at him and took a seat at a table before ordering a double whiskey and downing it. I wanted to tell Sean about the invitation immediately because I learned my lesson about withholding information and also because, honestly, I was scared out of my mind and didn’t want to be alone in either of our apartments. I probably looked like some crazy person sitting there with a bag of cat food and a duffel bag full of clothes; downing alcohol like it was my job.

After a few minutes I recomposed myself and got up to go the bathroom after asking the bartender to watch my stuff. I splashed some water on my face and took deep breaths before walking out of the bathroom directly into Kevin.

“Oh my God! What are you doing here? Did you follow me?” I asked.

I was up against the wall of the hallway and tried to look past Kevin to the main room of the bar to see if anyone could get him away from me or, at the very least, see me.

“Follow you? No. I’m here celebrating my bachelor’s party and I thought I’d say hello.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not sure bringing an alcoholic to a bar is a good idea. You said ‘hello’, now good-bye!” I said trying to push past him.

He stopped me from moving and pushed me back into the wall.

“What’s with you? I just wanted to say ‘hi’. We haven’t seen each other in months. Surely you miss me.”

The only reason I didn’t laugh was because I was so terrified.

“I don’t miss you, get out of my way.” I tried to push past him again but he blocked me and grabbed my waist.

I was trying to get away but Kevin’s grip was too much; he held me pressed up against him and started moving one of his hands up to my chest. I tried to push him away and slap his hand but I couldn’t get any space between us. I started pounding on his arms with my fists but it was no use. He had his hand up my shirt and was shoving his tongue down my throat and I had a sudden flashback to being in Kevin’s office when this all happened before, yet I wasn’t as terrified the first time. I tried to push his face away or turn mine away but he held my face and was using the wall to keep me pinned to him. It took me a few seconds to realize that he stopped touching my chest and was trying to unbutton my jeans. I was trying to scream but he was practically choking me with his tongue and I started crying because I didn’t want what Kevin was doing to progress any further and I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.

As soon as Kevin got my jeans unbuttoned I closed my eyes and tried detach myself for what he might do next but he was suddenly thrown off of me. Sean had him on the ground, pinned, and he was punching the shit out of Kevin. Lou and Guy pulled Sean off and held him against a wall until he stopped fighting to get to Kevin, I noticed that Sean had a bloody lip but Kevin was much, much worse. Blood was pouring out of his nose and mouth and he already had two visible black eyes. Jake came over to me and slowly walked me back to where I left my stuff earlier. I saw Eddie talking to the bartender who looked irate and was on the phone but everything after that seemed like a blur.

A police officer took my statement and Kevin was taken to the hospital in an ambulance with another police officer while Sean gave his statement and was taken to the police station. Seeing him put in the back of a police car with cuffs on was too much for me to deal with at that point and I passed out on the sidewalk in front of the bar. I woke up in an ambulance with Jake sitting next to me holding a compress to my head while a paramedic shined a flashlight in my eyes.

“Guy and Lou are already on their way to get Sean out of jail, so don’t worry about it, okay Faith?” He said.

I was still pretty disoriented and it took me a few minutes to understand what Jake was referring to.

“Z-Zoey.” I was struggling to focus.

“She’s definitely got a concussion…” I heard the paramedic mumbling to Jake but I couldn’t make out everything that was being said, “…monitored for a few days… needs to be checked…”

The ambulance started moving and I grabbed Jakes arm.

“They have to take you to the hospital Faith, you’ve got a concussion and need to see a doctor.”

“Zoey. C-call.” I tried to reach for my cell phone to get Jake to call her but my hand bumped into the bag of cat food sitting on my lap. I would have probably laughed at this absurd picture of me sitting in the back of an ambulance with cat food on my lap and Jake holding a compress to my head had I not been so out of it. Jake eventually figured out what I wanted and he called Zoey to let her know we were headed to the hospital.

She showed up after the doctor had cleared me to go home (only after I promised to come back in two days to make sure I was okay) and I had convinced Jake I would be okay to go sit in the hallway to wait. My speech wasn’t slurred anymore but I did have the worst headache of my life. Zoey sat down and put her arm around me while Jake got me some pain meds from the on-call nurse. She had a look of utter confusion on her face but refrained from asking any questions while we were still at the hospital.

Zoey offered to drive Jake back to the bar before we went to Sean’s to pick up all of my stuff. I wasn’t really supposed to do anything too strenuous so Zoey made two trips into Sean’s to get my suitcase and Murphy (we bought another disposable litter box on the way to her place). Once we got me all settled into her guest bedroom I changed into my pajamas and sat on my bed with Murphy, unsure of how to feel. Zoey came in with a glass of water and a bottle of pain meds in case I needed them later, she was in her pajamas, too.

“So, you up to talking?” She asked watching me pet Murphy.

I nodded.

“What happened?”

“I received an invitation in the mail to Kevin’s wedding and I got scared, so I went to Sean’s gig because I was too afraid to be alone in his apartment and I wanted to tell him. But when I was waiting for him to get a break I went into the bathroom. When I came back out, Kevin was there and he-and he-”

I started crying and Zoey comforted me.

“Are you going to press charges?”

I looked up at her, “Hell, yes.”