Missing

Shortly after Molly left Sean came over after finishing a gig. He plunked down next to me and grabbed a leftover slice of pizza from the coffee table before asking me about my day.

“It was uneventful. How was your gig?” I asked trying to sound nonchalant. There’s no way Gerry’s scratches would have healed by now and they were all over his face. Sean was bound to mention it.

“It was fine but Gerry wasn’t there, so that was really weird. Jake talked to him over the phone, though, so we know he’s not dead or in a hospital somewhere.” Sean laughed.

“Doesn’t the tour manager have to be at every show?” I asked.

“Not really, it’s just weird because Gerry has never missed a show since he’s been our manager, so it’s only weird because it’s Gerry missing a show not some other tour manager. Maybe it’s a sign that he’s starting to branch out, maybe he’s getting a social life now that he knows we aren’t renewing his contract, you know?”

“Yeah,” I said, “maybe.”

“Are you getting excited about your dinner party?” Sean asked.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” I said, “really excited.”

“You seem distracted…” Sean said reaching for another slice of left over pizza.

“Oh, I’m just planning the party out in my head, you know, just making sure I haven’t forgotten anything for the grocery list.”

“Well, personally, I think you should be excited.”

“Why is that?” I asked pulling myself away from the things Molly had said that were swirling through my mind.

“Because I got you the best birthday present ever.”

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“Nope.”

“Jerk.” I fake pouted.

We sat in a comfortable silence while I channel surfed until Sean perked up with a question from left field.

“How have you been dealing with the whole Elise fallout?”

“Well, if I’m being honest with myself, I thought I’d be more upset about losing someone I was close friends with but I feel relieved more than anything.”

“I can kind of tell.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, don’t get mad, but you were kind of mean when that stuff really started getting out of control.”

“What?”

“You were just kind of snappy all the time, I mean that mini-fight-that-turned-out-to-be-a-misunderstanding-thing about Gerry’s contract and him still being at shows wasn’t your usual self. You usually let me talk before expressing your concerns. I mean…you’ve never made me guess why you were mad before that.”

I thought about what Sean was saying and he was completely right. I have been pretty short with him these past few weeks.

“I’m really sorry, Sean. You deserve to be treated better than that.”

“It’s no big deal, I get that you were under a lot of pressure, especially with Anna and the whole not-wanting-Zoey-to-know thing. I get it.” He kissed my forehead and I drifted back into the conversation Molly and I had had only a few hours earlier.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sean asked, snapping me out of my guilt.

“Sure, just planning for the big party again.” I tried to giggle convincingly.

I was, of course, lying to Sean. The truth is that my talk with Molly had been bothering me a lot and I couldn’t seem to get her voice out of my head. When Sean and I went to sleep that night I was really restless and had a hard time falling asleep. It was like this the whole next day, too.

Tonight I finally sat down and thought about everything and my reasons behind not wanting to tell Sean about what happened with Gerry. I made a list of pros and cons and debated them with Murphy’s help for the better part of my evening and I’ve decided that I am going to tell Sean but I’m going to need a few days to figure out how to tell him and how to explain it to him so he doesn’t immediately go out and try to kill Gerry or hate me for not telling him immediately. My plan is to tell him the day after our special birthday date since neither of us have anywhere to be and I won’t feel rushed explaining things.