Flipped Tables

Admittedly, what I did was kind of stupid in how risky it was. I thought the end would justify the means, I guess, but saying it backfired is an understatement. At the very least, I thought it would make Faith realize what she’s doing. The best case scenario was, obviously, to get her and Adam back together. I really did think that if she just saw him and talked to him for a bit she’d get it together and realize how stupid it is for her to get back together with Mike, at least not right now.

My plan failed. Hard.

“I really am sorry, Adam.” I said into the phone, “I thought she was going to react differently. I never meant to make this whole thing harder on you.”

I meant it and Adam understood.

“It’s fine, Molly, really. I think we both got some much needed closure from the talk we had. Can’t win ‘em all, right?”

I could hear his smile through the phone but I felt terrible about what I’d done and I was pretty certain that he was just pretending to be okay.

“I promise, I’m done meddling. I’ll never do this again.” I said hoping that was enough, “I promised Faith as much, too. It really isn’t any of my business.”

We talked a little bit more before we hung up.

“Did I just hear you apologize for meddling?” Calvin said handing me a bowl of ice cream.

Things had been tense for the past few days over at my place with Faith so I was over at Calvin’s hiding out until things smoothed over a bit. Calvin was joking but I was genuinely sad that things had backfired…especially so terribly.

“I just…I thought that if they just talked about what happened she’d realize how she feels. But I just made things harder for them both. The worst part is that I think her night with Adam made her more confused about what she’s doing. You should have heard her, Calvin.”

I dug my spoon into my ice cream thoughtfully as he took one of my feet and started rubbing it quietly.

“She knows she’s still in love with Adam but for some reason she doesn’t feel, like, worthy enough for him or something.”

“But she does for Mike?” Calvin stopped rubbing my foot for a second to give me a confused eyebrow lift.

“Right? It’s so weird. She’s been hoping for a second chance with Mike pretty much from the second they broke up and now that she has it…she’s going to freaking blow it. She wants to be the person he thinks she is rather than who she actually is.”

“Why?”

I was quiet for a second as I stared at my ice cream bowl and let the glob I had in my mouth melt away.

“Probably because she thinks it’s the only way to redeem herself from cheating on him.”

I had an epiphany. It made so much sense. Faith wanted a second chance with Mike after they broke up because she loved him and hated herself for what she did, but now? Now it isn’t about that…it’s about proving to herself that she isn’t that girl.

The only problem is that Faith IS that girl. She DID cheat on Mike. She can’t rewrite what she did no matter how much she changes herself for him. My little plan didn’t work the way I wanted to but I certainly learned that I will be staying out of this, for real this time, because it’s just too messy. I just feel bad for Mike. He has no idea what's coming his way.

I had just finished putting together my end table, which had been delivered earlier that day. Instructions from Ikea are a whole new experience, FYI. My cell phone started buzzing and when I looked down at it, my breath caught. I stared at it and debated letting it go to voicemail but decided to answer it (and slightly hated myself for it).

“Hello?”

“Adam, why did you tell Molly about the other night?” Faith’s voice was even but I could tell she was holding back a lot of anger simply because this was the first phone call I’d gotten from her since the weekend after I moved. Something big must have happened to make her call me.

“It just sort of came out. Was I not supposed to?” I asked calmly.

“I just…I thought….I felt like it was a really private conversation between us and it hurt to know you told Molly about it. Why are you even in contact with her?”

“I didn’t tell her what we said or anything. I just mentioned I’d stopped by…during your date or whatever. And Molly and I text sometimes. We’re friendly.”

“I don’t think I’m comfortable with that.”

I was quiet for a moment before I answered because I needed to choose my words carefully, but when it came time to actually reply I threw my carefully phrased sentence out the window and just barged on through with something else.

“Um. I don’t think that’s really my problem, Faith. Plus, you hang out with Penny, like, all the time.”

She was quiet.

“You can’t tell me who I can and can’t be friends with.”

“I just think you and Moll-”

“What? That we’re conspiring against you? Did you seriously call me to tell me that I can’t be friends with your friends anymore?”

“Adam, that’s not-”

“Look, Faith, I love you and I’m going to say the next thing with as much love and respect as I can muster right now: Grow the hell up.”

For a second I thought she’d hung up on me but I don’t regret what I said, I’d do it again.

“I, uh, I guess I deserve that.” Her voice was meek.

“I didn’t mean to be so harsh.”

There was an awkward silence over the phone.

“Adam, I’m really sorry about-”

“It’s fine.” Honestly, I was sick of hearing her apologize for not wanting to be with me anymore, “You don’t have to apologize anymore. We’re adults. We can be civil about this. Hell, I just put together an end table, so I’m in a pretty great place right now emotionally.”

She didn’t laugh. I surveyed my apartment. It wasn’t nearly as sparse as it used to be and Dan was right about it helping me move on. It provided a good distraction to focus on and for the first time in nearly two months I was able to store my clothes in a dresser and I didn’t have to eat my meals on a box anymore. I had a place to put my lamp on my end table now. I am, clearly, moving on up in the world, people.

“Seriously, Faith, stop beating yourself up about this. We’ll never be able to be friends again if you can’t do that.”

“You’re right.” She conceded, “The apologizing stops now.”

“’That’s my girl.”

I winced at that. She’s not your girl anymore, idiot. She was never really “mine” either. I never had her. She’s not an object. I didn’t own her or anything, obviously. It’s just a saying. I’m just digging the hole deeper.

ANYWAY.

“Could you just do me a favor when it comes to Molly?” She sighed.

“Maybe. Depends on what it is.”

“Could you just not talk about me? Or our relationship. She’s taken our breaking up really poorly and I don’t think it’s helping her…or our friendship, to be honest, if you keep giving her the idea that you’re still on board with getting back together.”

“…Sure.”

What I wanted to say was that I wasn’t giving Molly any ideas. I AM still on board to get back together if that’s what Faith wanted. Dan says that I’m stupid for wanting that after what she did to me but I’m sure I’ll get past it eventually. Or at least he swears I will. I’m skeptical.

“Thank you.”

We hung up and I sat on my couch in silence staring at my phone. I turned it on and stared at Faith’s name in my contacts list and was so close to calling her back. I had my phone hovering above the little green phone icon. It felt like we had said all we needed to say and nothing at the same time. Maybe if I just got her to listen, maybe if I just quit my job and moved back...but then I remembered Mike and how she chose him. She's done with me for good. 

I put my phone down, picked up my laptop, and started shopping for an entertainment center online. Retail therapy is a helluva drug, guys.