Burned Bridges

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and looked up to find Serena sitting on the edge of my bed, stretching. She was topless and I admired her bare back before propping myself up.

“Good morning.” I smiled.

“Good morning to you.” She smiled wide and leaned forward to kiss me, “I’m going to make us some coffee, why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll join you in a few minutes.”

She winked at me and I nodded before heading into the bathroom.

I let the water pour over me and thought of the night before. At first, I wasn’t able to stop imagining she was Faith but the second time I barely thought about Faith at all. The softness of Serena’s skin and the sound of her whispers popped into my head and I shivered. After a few minutes, Serena stepped into the shower and wrapped her arms around me. She kissed the back of my neck and shoulders. I turned around and kissed her deeply…

The third time in the shower was even better than the night before and I smiled to myself as I wrapped a towel around my waist. Serena was washing her hair in the shower while I brushed my teeth.

“Hey, while I was making coffee, your phone rang. I answered it and some girl named Faith wanted me to tell you to give her a call.”

I nearly dropped my toothbrush and stared at my reflection in the mirror in front of me with shock splashed across my face.

“Adam?” Serena’s head popped out from behind the shower curtain, “Oh…was that the ex-girlfriend?”

I nodded and stared into the sink. I choked down the mild panic coursing through me and smiled brightly.

“You know what? No big deal.”

Serena looked at me closely before popping back into the shower. I tried to act as normally as possible until she left to go change clothes for work. As she put it, she didn’t want to do the walk of shame into the office this morning wearing the same clothes from the day before. I couldn’t blame her.

We walked to work together and I spent the day trying to focus on my work. Internally, though, I was debating on whether or not I should call Faith. But what if something serious had happened and that was why she was calling me? I put the thought out of my mind so I could get through work and I was so productive that I actually ended up leaving about a half an hour early because I’d gotten everything done.

I walked home, alone, and debated the entire way on what to do. I decided to call her back but I wanted to wait until I was in my apartment and ready for whatever she had to say. I paced in my kitchen and stared at my phone before dialing it and waiting for her to answer.

“Hi.” She said quietly.

“Hi…I got your message. You wanted me to call you? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah….everything’s fine. I just…I thought we could talk, um, about us.”

My stomach flipped. I wasn’t sure I’d heard her right.

“Um. Okay?” I couldn’t think of a better response.

“This morning a woman answered your phone.”

“…right.”

“Well…are…are you dating again?”

My eyes narrowed at her question and I wasn’t liking where this was headed.

“That woman…are you….is she…”

“Faith, why did you call?” I asked tiredly.

“I thought we could talk about getting back together. I thought that if you moved back here we could-”

“What?” I reeled.

“I’ve been thinking about the night you came to see me and the night we broke up. You said that you would have given up the job if I asked you to so I thought we could talk about you moving back here.”

“No.” I responded quickly. It was a gut reaction and it surprised me. What she was proposing was what I'd wanted for months, but something wasn't right about this and I responded fast.

She was silent on the other end of the line.

“Are you still dating Mike?” I asked.

“Yes. But we’re not exclusive, so I could-”

“What just date both of us?” I asked, “Because dating one person isn’t complicated enough for you?”

I knew I was being harsh but I was angry. She didn’t say anything for a couple of moments.

“I thought this was something you wanted…that you would be open to…”

“What? I’d be willing to uproot my entire life here to move there and be your side piece?”

“That’s not what I mea-”

“How else was that supposed to come off, Faith? You want me to move back there for you….to be with you while you date the ex-boyfriend you were crazy in love with? What the HELL?”

“Adam, it’s not like that, I just-”

“It is like that, Faith! How can you not see that? Do you not realize that the people you have relationships with have feelings? You can’t just choose two guys and put off having to actually choose because it’s easier for you.”

“I know that but-”

“So, then, if you know that and are taking my feelings and his into account, I’m sure you’ve consulted him about this arrangement you’re trying to set up?”

“Well, no, but-”

I scoffed and cut her off. I couldn’t believe she was proposing this to me. It was insulting, to be honest. To think that I would be willing to quit my job and move back there to be with her when she was still with someone else was just…I respect myself too much to do that. I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who wants to commit to me and I don’t know what Faith is doing or why but I know that I deserve better than being someone’s third wheel. I couldn’t hold back my anger from her.

“Okay, well, since you can’t seem to just let me go and live my life here without dragging me into your shit all over again, I’ll make this decision really easy for you. We’re done, Faith. I’m over this back and forth bullshit. You had your chance to talk about all of this weeks before I left. You had your chance to talk about all of this when I came to see you. You missed your chance, Faith. Don’t call me. Don’t ask Molly how I am. Go be with Mike and forget about me.”

I hung up on her and realized I was breathing fast and shaking. I waited a few minutes but she never called back and I felt this enormous sense of relief because of that…and then followed by guilt. I never thought it would have been so easy to cut one of my best friends and the love of my life out of my world. I was pulled out of my thoughts by a knock on the door and found Serena standing in my hallway with a bottle of wine, wearing a plum-colored wrap dress.

“Um, hey.” I said letting her in.

“I thought we could get drunk and have sex.” She said holding the wine up and laughing.

Her face turned serious when she looked at me though.

“Jesus, are you okay? You look sick.” She put the bottle down on my end table and put her arm around me.

“I’m…I’m okay. I just got off the phone with Faith.”

“Oh…the ex-girlfriend. It didn’t go well, did it?” She led me to the couch and we sat down.

“You could say that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked hesitantly.

I looked at her and it felt like I was seeing her for the first time. Her red hair cascaded over her shoulder and her eyes were so clear and full of genuine concern.

“No.” I shook my head and pulled her into a hard kiss.