Herstory

The girls and I were doing dinner and a movie. We’d just left the movie theater and headed to a cool new restaurant that was known for its gourmet burgers.

“I am STARVING.” Anna said.

She was due on the 27^th of March and was carrying around the cutest, biggest baby bump ever.

“Gang way, pregnant lady coming through!” Molly joked as we walked down the sidewalk.

“You’re not the only one who’s hungry.” Zoey said.

When we got to the restaurant it had a really modern vibe to it with cool neon lights and hip music playing in the background. Our waitress sat us at a booth, took our drink orders, and then let us peruse the menu.

“I’m getting the cheddar bacon burger. With fries. And mozzarella sticks.” Anna said.

We laughed and chatted about what we were going to order until the waitress came back to drop off our drinks and take our dinner orders.

We settled in with our drinks and eventually an appetizer (jumbo onion rings).

“So, Zoey, are you seeing anyone?” Molly asked.

Zoey started blushing.

“Just casually dating. I don’t even know if I like them.”

“What? Why?” Anna asked grabbing another onion ring.

“Eh, I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it that much. Dating freaking sucks. But enough about me, how are you and Calvin?”

“He’s good. Although he did ask me to move in with him which was just so-”

“Um, WHAT?” I asked.

“Don’t worry, I told him no.”

“Why?” Anna asked.

“Because I don’t want to live with a gross, smelly boy.” Molly joked, “Honestly, I just don’t think we’re there yet.”

“You’ve been dating for years!” Zoey pointed out.

“Yeah but they only made it Facebook Official a few weeks ago.” I joked, “When were you going to tell me about this?”

“It happened just the other day. I would’ve told you yesterday but you were at Adam’s.”

“Speaking of which, how’s the sex?” Anna asked.

We all gave her a look; it was SO out of character for her to ask about that so directly.

“Look, I am pregnant and the hormones are raging. Don’t you DARE judge me.” She joked.

“Uh, the sex is…well…it’s non-existent.” I shrugged and felt a little embarrassed.

“What?” The three of them said together.

“I know!” I said shrugging again, “Usually I’m all over a guy the second we start dating but we’ve both just felt like waiting for various reasons. Plus it’s not like we haven’t done ANYTHING. We snuggle and make out all the time.”

We were all silent and it was awkward. Our waitress came and saved us by taking our orders and bringing our basket of onion rings.

“Oh my God this is just what I wanted.” Anna bit into an onion ring and made a happy sound.

“Okay, back to Faith’s sad sex life.” Molly joked.

I gave her a stern look.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” I shrugged.

Zoey and Molly shared a look.

“What?” I asked.

“Remember when you were with Sean and didn’t have sex for a long time? You were going crazy. Why is it so different now?” Zoey asked.

“Well because Adam and I actually TALK about it. With Sean we had had sex and then it suddenly stopped and he was lying about why and I just felt like we were on two completely different pages. I had to guess a lot with how Sean was feeling. Adam is honest with me about where he is, plus…Adam’s not the one who put on the brakes…”

“You did? Why?” Anna pointed an onion ring at me.

I had never told Anna or Zoey about the abortion and I had no intention of telling them right then, either.

“I just wanted to wait…you know because we were friends first and I wanted to see if things would feel weird.” I lied.

“So you wanted to wait at first but what about now? You’ve been dating for, like, three months.” Anna asked.

“Fair enough. I think I’m kind of done waiting but Adam doesn’t ever seem to make a move to take things to the next level…”

“Well, yeah, because you told him you wanted to wait. Do you WANT to have sex with him?” Zoey asked.

“SO BADLY.” I admitted.

“Then you’re going to have to make a move.” Anna said matter-of-factly.

“Have you ever had to do that?” I asked, “You’ve only ever slept with one person.”

I joked but Anna gave me a mischievous look.

“Three.”

Molly, Zoey, and I looked at each other with surprise.

“Remember in college when Theo and I broke up?” She asked.

Zoey and I nodded.

“Well, there was that guy that lived in the honors dorm that I dated for a few weeks after and then there was that other guy from back home that I hooked up with at a party over winter break. When we came back for the spring semester, Theo and I got back together a few weeks later.”

Zoey and I were shocked. We had never seen that side of Anna in college. She had always been fairly reserved and was NEVER into partying but when she and Theo broke up in October of our sophomore year she took it pretty hard. She refused to do anything fun for weeks but then she met this guy at the library who was an honors student doing a special study abroad program from Canada. When he left at the end of the semester, he promised to call and email her all the time but completely blew her off after a week of being away. Anna was devastated so Zoey and I tried to encourage her to do something fun over winter break when she went back to Connecticut for the holidays.

Her brothers brought her to a party their friends were having and they were all older. She told us about it when she got back for spring semester and said she’d had fun but she NEVER mentioned a guy at all. Zoey and I were happy for her when she came back. It was like she was a new person and a few weeks later Theo showed up at her dorm with flowers and said he missed her. They’ve been together ever since.

“Plus, it’s not like Theo’s only been with one person and has no idea what he’s doing. I mean, he slept with Zoey.”

I literally spit out the drink I had been sipping.

“WHAT!?” I looked at Zoey who looked completely horrified.

“It’s okay.” Anna said nonchalantly, “Theo told me about it before we got back together. He told me it was a one-time thing and I got over it. It happened so long ago, Zoe, don’t be embarrassed.”

“I just never knew you knew about that.” She said laughing nervously.

“Theo also told me about the time Faith called him to ask questions about the causes of erectile dysfunction.” Anna joked.

“He said he wouldn’t!” I protested.

“Theo tells me everything.” Anna shrugged.

“WELL.” Molly said awkwardly trying to change the subject, “So, do you know what the sex of the baby is?”

“We wanted to be surprised.” Anna said.

“Yeah, because the first pregnancy wasn’t surprise enough what with the extra baby coming out.” I joked.

The conversation moved on from there. Our food was SO good and we could not stop raving about it. As we were getting ready to leave, Anna and Molly headed to the bathroom and Zoey anxiously grabbed my arm.

“Faith, Theo lied to her.” She whispered.

We moved outside to a quiet part of the sidewalk.

“It wasn’t a one-time thing!” Zoey’s eyes were huge and she looked like she was about to cry.

“WHAT?” I was SO confused.

There was no time for Zoey to explain because Molly and Anna came outside and joined up with us.

“Zoe, are you okay?” Anna asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Zoey smiled.

Anna didn’t look convinced but nodded slowly.

“Oh, look,” I said, “There’s Theo.”

He pulled his car up and we all said goodbye to Anna as she got into the passenger seat. She waved and we watched as their car disappeared around the corner. I whipped around and looked at Zoey and opened my mouth to start asking her what she had been talking about but I immediately shut it when I noticed Molly standing next to us with an intrigued look on her face.

“What’s ACTUALLY going on?" Molly asked.

“Nothing.” Zoey said with finality.

Molly eyed her and then me with suspicion.

“Molly are you going to Calvin’s tonight?” I asked trying to get her to focus on something else other than Zoey.

“Um, yeah. I was going to head there now.” She wrapped her coat around herself and then crossed her arms before giving us one final suspicious look before walking toward a subway station down the street.

“Let’s go to your place.” I said to Zoey.

She nodded and we walked to her car. When I got in I wanted to ask her to explain everything but we ended up just sitting there in silence as she drove. I followed her up to her apartment and sat on her couch as she wandered around.

She came out of her kitchen with a bottle of wine and two glasses and poured herself one that I’m pretty sure was the equivalent to half the bottle. I waited for her to start talking but she just stared.

“Zoey…what do you mean Theo lied?” I asked.

She looked at me as if she’d just realized I was there.

“Theo and I didn’t just have a one-time thing. We actually dated.”

“What?” I was so confused, “You were with Henry when Anna and Theo broke up.”

“No. I wasn’t, Faith. I had ended things with him around the same time. I just…I never told you because I knew how great you thought he was for me.”

“Okay… so you and Theo dated for a little while, big de-”

“Faith, he’s the one who got me pregnant.” Zoey blurted it out and looked at me with tearful eyes.

My jaw dropped and I had no idea what to say.

“I…I told him about it before I had the miscarriage and we were going to tell Anna when we came back for the spring semester but then…”

“Then you lost it.”

She nodded.

“I told him what happened the first week of classes and broke things off. He wanted to try to make it work but I refused and a few weeks later he was back with Anna.”

“Oh, Zoey…” I said sadly.

“It was so much more than a one-time thing.” She said to the floor, “Theo and I had discussed it once after he and Anna got back together. We had agreed not to tell her about it, at all.”

I didn’t know what to say and just sat there, completely blown away. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t known about ANY of this. I mean I was Zoey’s college roommate!

“Should I tell her?” Zoey looked up at me.

“What!? No!” I said, “Telling her won’t do anything for her OR you. This happened SO long ago, Zoe. There’s nothing to tell.”

“But I feel so guilty. At least when I thought she didn’t know about any of it I had moved on but knowing Theo lied to her about it? It makes me feel complicit in the lie somehow.”

“Zoey, Theo and Anna are happy. You’ve ALL moved on from it.”

“It doesn’t bother you that he lied to her?”

“Well, of course it does, but that was, like, ten years ago, Zoey! Theo was a different guy back then. We ALL were different people. He was an immature teenage boy back then so of course he lied and took the easy way out. It doesn’t mean anything now.”

“I guess you’re right. Would YOU want to know if it was you?” She asked.

“I don’t know.” I said honestly, “But Theo and Anna aren’t the same people they were ten years ago and neither is their relationship. If it were me, I don’t know that I would even care about a ten year old lie.”

“But it’s not just the lie. We had a relationship…we were going to have a kid together.”

Zoey had a point but I had no idea how to advise her in this situation.

“Maybe you should talk to Theo…maybe that could help you sort your thoughts or get you some closure or something.”

We talked in circles for another hour before I ended up going home. We never really settled on anything over the course of our conversation and, to be honest, I’m still pretty shocked that Zoey was even able to keep this secret for so long. I can’t imagine how hard having such a secret would be.

I went home and felt mentally exhausted. I didn’t know what Zoey should do or if she should do anything at all. I have no idea what I would do if I was in Zoey’s shoes OR what I would want if I was in Anna’s. On one hand, it’s a pretty big deal if your husband dated one of your best friends and was going to raise a kid with her and sort of lied about it. But on the other hand, this happened almost ten years ago so does it really matter?