Sunday, March 23, 2014

Down in The Dumps

“He’s going to dump me.” I whined to Anna over brunch.

I’d met her for brunch to get her take on this situation because I could tell that Molly and Zoey were tired of hearing me overanalyze it with them. I didn’t want to bother Anna with her due date so close but I really needed some advice.


“He actually said he needed space?” She asked cutting her waffles.

“Yeah.” I moped and picked at my fruit salad.

“Ouch.”

“Right? Molly said I was reading too much into it, but I don’t think I am.”

“Well, what did Molly say about all of this?”

“She said she didn’t want a book written about her out there, either, but that she’s also a lot easier to remove from the narrative so as long as he did that she wouldn’t really mind it.”

Anna was quiet for a moment as she chewed her waffles contemplatively.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Faith…a guy asking for space isn’t a good sign.”

“I know.” I put my head in my hands, “How do I fix this, Anna?”

“I don’t know, Faith. I wish I had a better answer for you.”

“Am I being unreasonable?” I asked.

“I don’t think so, but I do think both you and Adam have valid reasons for feeling the way you do. It’s not fair to write his feelings off and it’s not every day that someone actually gets a book offer. Practically banning him from taking that job was probably the wrong way to go about it.”

“I regret that but I was caught off guard!” I protested.

“I understand that but you don’t want to be the person that makes him choose between his relationship and his career, do you? Because that could breed resentment.”

“So what do I do?”

“I think you should do what he asked and give him some space.”

“It’s been three days, Anna! He hasn’t called or texted once…”
Anna sat there for a few seconds and I could tell she was choosing her words very carefully.

“Faith, do you remember when you were dating Brad and he constantly made you feel unsupported in your career?”

“Yeah, but that’s not what I’m doing he-”

She held up her hand to stop me.

“Let me finish. How would you feel if Brad had told you not to take your job at the Glass Penny?”

“I would have hated it and probably broken up with him on the spot. It was such a huge opportunity for me...” I trailed off seeing her point.

“How would you feel if Mike had told you not to take your job with them? He was always supportive of your career.”

“I would have been really angry with him and told him he had no right to make decisions about my career for me.”

“Right.” She sipped her orange juice.

“That’s not very fair.” I said, “Me taking that job wouldn’t have affected either one of them the way this job offer of Adam’s will affect me.”

“You don’t think so?” Anna asked, “You signed a five year contract, Faith. Whether you want to admit it or not that would affect the person you’re with.”

“It’s not the same,” I shook my head, “A five year contract is one thing. A book is forever.”

“Fair enough.” She conceded.

“You’re right, though,” I said sadly, “If it had been me and Adam had told me I couldn’t take a job that would be huge for MY career I would have been really angry, too.”

“Maybe you should tell him that whenever he decides to contact you.”

She made a wincing face and held her stomach.

“Are you okay?” I asked with concern.

“Yeah, just back contractions. I’m not in active labor yet so the contractions come and go randomly. They’re a lot worse than I remember.” She joked.

“It’ll be worth it when you’ve got that baby in your arms, though.” I smiled, “Or at least that’s what my mom always says…”

“You should call her, Faith.”

“She doesn’t want to hear from me.” I looked out the window we were sitting next to.

“Mothers always want to hear from their daughters. Even if she’s cold and short with you, she still loves you.”

“Too bad Adam doesn’t anymore.” I mused sadly.
Anna gave me a sad look and put her hand on mine.

“I’m sorry, Faith.”

“Me, too.” My eyes welled up, “I love him so much…”

I started full on ugly crying at that point and Anna followed suit.

“Come on, Faith, you can’t cry in front of a pregnant woman.” She wiped her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I just…every time I see him I feel butterflies. He knows me better than I do sometimes. I don’t want to lose him because of this.”

“Then tell him to write the book.”

“I can’t, Anna. I’ve only just started to heal from what happened…to have it all written down in a book…”

Anna let out a slow breath.

“You know, the success of a relationship is almost entirely due to compromise. Isn’t there some way to compromise on this with him?”

“I don’t see how. A different topic isn’t an option because then the genre won’t be relevant to his actual career goals. Changing our names doesn't fix the issue because it'll be too obvious who it's about. Taking me out of it isn’t an option…”

“I think this is the definition of being between a rock and a hard place.”

I picked at my fruit salad and didn’t say anything.

“What did Zoey say?” She asked, “She always gives great advice.”

“She didn’t have an answer for me, either.” I said dejectedly.

“Um, speaking of Zoey…is everything okay with her? She’s been sort of distant for weeks.”

“Yeah, she’s fine.”

“Is it about the whole her dating Theo thing?” She asked

I eyed her but kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to be responsible for telling her something I wasn’t supposed to.

“Did Zoey ever tell you she had a miscarriage when we were in college?”

I nodded.

“Zoey told me about it shortly after I had mine to help me cope and let me know I wasn’t alone. Based on her story and when Theo said they were together, I just did the math…”

“I thought Theo just told you they’d hooked up.” I pointed out.

“He did….at first. Eventually he admitted that it had been more than that but he never told me about the miscarriage. I assume Zoey never told him she was pregnant or about the miscarriage since it took her years to open up to me about it.”

Anna wasn’t as in the know as she thought she was but I wasn’t about to tell her that Theo DID know about Zoey’s pregnancy because that wasn’t my information to tell.

“You’re…you’re not mad at her, though?” I asked.

“No. I’ll admit I felt a little betrayed at first but I moved on and after Zoey told me about what she had been going through during that period of her life, I understood and forgave her. I’m not mad at her and I wouldn’t want her to think that I was. Do you think she thinks I’m angry with her?”

“Wow.” I said, “You know, she might be distant because of that. I think maybe she just feels weird about it, though, not necessarily worried you’re mad at her.”

“Do you think I should talk to her about it?” Anna asked.

“NO.” I practically yelled it and got looks from other diners, “Uh, I mean, no. If she feels weird about it, bringing it up will just make it even worse, right? She just needs some time, I guess.”

“You’re probably right. In hindsight, I never would have mentioned it if I’d known how uncomfortable she was going to feel.”

“She’ll get over it, Anna.”

I desperately wanted to change the subject because we had strayed into dangerous territory but Anna changed the subject first.

“I think we’re going to start looking for a bigger house.” She said.

“Oh, really? Where?”

We talked about real estate and all of the neighborhoods she was considering for another hour before finally saying good bye. I was sort of bummed that Anna didn’t really have any good advice for me about the Adam situation. I just wish I knew how to fix things between us. As for the Zoey situation, I’m not sure if I should tell her about what Anna knows. I don’t want Anna to tell Zoey without making sure she knows that Anna thinks Theo never knew about her pregnancy but at the same time I don’t want to get involved in this situation at all.

I went home to ruminate on what we’d talked about and plopped on the couch next to Molly.

“Maybe I should just call him.” I said.

“You leave that man alone.”

“It’s been three days!”

“Shut up. Three days is not a big deal. He asked for some space so give him some.”

“But-”

“Faith, do you want to be Adam’s girlfriend?” She asked looking over at me.

“Of course I d-”

“Okay, well then you need to NOT call him.”

“What? Why?”

“Because calling him when he’s asked you for some space, which isn’t unreasonable, by the way, is a sure-fire way to make sure he dumps your ass. So unless you WANT him to dump you, do not touch your phone.”

“Shouldn’t I at least try to explain wh-”

“No.” Molly said.

“But I could te-”

“No.”

“Molly.”

“No. Faith, Adam is an adult. He’s going to make the decision that he wants to make and if that means dumping you, well, then that’s his decision. But pushing him to make a decision on YOUR timetable instead of his isn’t going to do you any favors. You need to relax and let him come to you when HE’S ready, not when you think he’s had enough time. I know it sucks feeling like this but you. Need. To. CHILL. OUT.”

“What if he just never gets in touch with me, though?”

“What kind of guy do you think he is?” Molly looked at me seriously, “Do you really think he’s the kind of asshole that would leave after a fight and just never call you again? Faith, I get that you’ve had a lot of bad dudes in your past but Adam isn’t one of them. Trust that he’s a genuinely good guy and will call you.”

“You’re right.” I sighed, “I’m being stupid.”

“You’re not being stupid. You’re just letting your worries get the best of you. It happens to all of us every now and then.”

She smiled at me and I gave her a sad smile back.

15 comments:

  1. I'm sorry, but their relationship is never going to last if faith doesn't compromise. If adam doesn't take the deal (which I 100% hope he does because he deserves it) but if he doesn't then he's going to resent faith for taking the opportunity away from him that would be career changing. Faith is still be incredibly selfish, she's ugly crying over the fact that she loves him but still won't let him write the book because of her own selfish reasons. She has two choices...either be with him and except the book deal (there are lots of ways to protect identity and she doesn't even have to read it) or break up with him and he'll still write the book she'll just be without him. She needs to get over herself and realize it's not about her. It's about adam and let's be honest he almost died because of her, it might have been indirectly but still, so I think she owes him.
    And we all know that faith is going to stick her nose in to the anna, theo, Zoey situation and get involved.

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    1. I agree with you and I really, truly don't understand why she has such a problem with a book being written about what happened with Amber. No one is forcing her to READ it once it's written and, unless it becomes a NYT bestseller (come on) it's just a book floating around out there that most people won't read. It's cathartic for Adam to write it and, if she really wanted to be open-minded, it could be cathartic for her as well to HELP HIM write it. THAT would be a great compromise. Have some creative control over what gets said in it.

      As someone else said, she had no idea she was being obsessed over for years until it all came to a head one night.

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  2. Faith is being way too selfish and self-centered. She keeps whining all the time. She doesn't know how to compromise and everything must go her way.. all the time! It's a very annoying trait to have and I understand why Adam needs space from her.

    At the same time, it's definitely not the time to meet the parents because if they can't have a mature discussion without getting angry at each other and 'needing space', they are not ready to meet each other's parents when they can't even handle a proper conversation without it getting heated and out of control. This is what.. the 3rd/4th time one has stormed out/left the other person's home after a fight. It's getting a little ridiculous.. what will they do if they get married one day? Just take time from the other person for a few days? This is a relationship.. not a job.

    This is why I'm not into their relationship at the moment. Adam is a nice guy and I think he is too good for her. They're much better off as friends to be honest. I don't see them as lovers and I don't know why Faith needs to have a relationship with every straight guy she meets. Why can't she just remain friends with them? I'm a little annoyed that she gave into Adam wanting a relationship with her. All those years, he pursued her and she wasn't into it or available. Now all of a sudden, he's her knight in shining armor. Also, I just don't see/feel any passion between them. I actually saw a lot more passion between her and Sean when they first started dating (even when they were fighting). These two together make me feel very uncomfortable.

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    1. You're being very selective about how Faith's relationship with Adam existed before they started dating.

      Faith may not have ever been available but she didn't hide the fact that she did have feelings for him. The timing was just never right for either of them. They had mutual feelings for each other and it was just an elephant in the room they never spoke about except for a few candid times. And I think there's some symbolism in the way del chooses to name her posts, too. The post where Faith and Adam got together is titled "Timing" for a reason and I think it's a nod to how the timing was never right for them until that moment.

      I think you don't see the passion between them because you don't want to. They have plenty of passion and, more importantly, respect for one another which is something she never had with Sean. I'd rather have a slightly less passionate relationship based on mutual respect than one where it's mostly built on passionate, rough sex and lying.

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  3. I can't see the chemistry much less feel it between Adam and Faith. I think this relationship happened at the wrong time for the both of them. Obviously, Faith needs more time to heal over what happened and move on. Adam needs a fresh start to focus on his career and himself, and not be so consumer by his relationship with Faith holding him back from his career. Either way, this situation as of right now is a lose-lose. They aren't really communicating, they are just storming out of apartments and asking for space. Their relationship relatively new, they should be trying to talk things out instead of acting immature.

    It's easy to see both sides of the argument. But there's too much drama and lack of chemistry or romance, and like I said earlier... This is a NEW relationship. What happened to the honeymoon phase? It's not there. So maybe they are better off as friends than boyfriend/girlfriend.

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  4. I think you guys are being silly. Just a few posts ago people were complaining because Faith and Adam talk too much when it comes to solving their problems, now they aren't talking enough?

    I don't think Faith is self-centered. I think she has feelings about what happened to her and she is allowed to feel them. Telling Adam how she feels isn't self-centered, it's honest.

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  5. Oh please, Faith is not being selfish. She has every right to tell him that he can't write the book. The story is mostly about her, and even if he writes it from his perspective only, Faith will still be in it. And there actually aren't many ways to protect sources when the story in question is such a specific story and one that was followed in newspapers. She has a right to tell him not to publish something, just like any other person who is being interviewed or something. She has a right to say that he cannot use her story, because it is her story. She is in control of that. The only problem with this situation how she handled it. She didn't handle it well. She was really rude and abrasive in their conversation. But otherwise, Faith has a right to say no to a story that is about her, that she is uncomfortable with, that might get read by her parents (who don't even know the whole story) if they find out her boyfriend wrote it, and that will be read by complete strangers who will find out the intimate and personal details of what happened. Faith has a right to say no to something so personal and scary for her becoming a part of the public.

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    1. But it didn't happen to her, it was about her. It happened to adam. She invaded every aspect of his life. Faith is being selfish, only a selfish person would flat out tell someone else that they can't do something because of they don't want them to. That would be like me telling someone that they can't eat a doughnut because I'm on a diet. It's ridiculous.

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    2. To be fair, Faith admitted that she was wrong about that. That she only said that because she was caught off guard.

      I'm not saying she was right to say it (nor does Faith seem like she thinks she was right to say it) but I do understand why she said it.

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  6. I think Faith is right it is really her story and for him to write it all he will have to ask her questions about things that happened before he even knew Amber like the previous fires and that would be really hard on her and maybe she just doesn't want to relive it or have other people read something so private no matter if she reads it or not she still knows its out there an others are reading it! She isn't doing this to not support Adam or hold him back she is doing this to protect her privacy since its mostly her story.
    I think they both handled it wrong and I hope Adam doesn't write the book and can see how much writting it would hurt Faith. The only place I see her being wrong is in how she handled the news but then again she was blindsided. I get him being upset because she told him no but he also has to see that reliving it would not be healthy for Faith.

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  7. Maybe she didn't handle it well, but neither did he.

    He HAD to know this would affect her and that she'd have, at best, mixed feelings about it. And for him to come off as "Hey, I'm going to write this book about how you got stalked, and she used me to get to you and stabbed me, and I think it's selfish of you to not want your business out there!" was ridiculous. He could have sat her down and said something like "Hey babe, I got offered a book deal, and this is what it is, how do you feel about it?" and then they could have an actual discussion.
    For him to not even consider how she'd feel about it, or at the very least that she might have feelings about it, then get offended when she put her honest feelings out there, says a lot about him, I think.

    Relationships do take compromise, but compromise is not always possible.

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  8. I'm sorry but if adam doesnt write this book then I'm going' to be very disappointed.

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  9. The people who think the story is mostly about Faith, instead of Adam, must believe that having a psycho share your bed every night, under an assumed identity, and planning your future with her, only to have her brutally attack and almost murder you(with the premeditated plan to murder you), then spend months getting surgeries and trying to recover physically and emotionally from the shock and all that...what?! The story Adam wants to write is definitely more about him than Faith. As others have pointed out, Faith didn't even have any idea crazy Amber was stalking her until she completely lost control and went on her rampage. Adam's life was completely entwined with this woman, and he thought they loved each other enough to get married and plan a future together. That's not just "Faith's story" - not at all. Amber impacted Adam's life dramatically, and it was much worse than what she did by stalking Faith, since the intimacy she and Adam were supposed to have had was a complete sham, and she betrayed and harmed him in every possible sense - mind, body, and soul. Faith didn't have any kind of connection like that with her. I don't understand how Faith doesn't get that. She's just too focused on her own viewpoint to comprehend basic facts, or she'd be much more compassionate toward Adam's whole position in all this. I'm surprised at her insensitivity, even if she is so caught up in her own head lately.

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    1. I'd like to take back what I said previously about it being about Faith. I didn't consider it the way you just put it. :)

      But I still stand by that he didn't handle it as well as he could have, because it did involve her a bit.

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    2. That's true: Adam could have handled it better. I think he was just reacting to Faith's absolute insistence that he fall in line with what she was demanding, though, especially considering that the offer could be so beneficial to him both career wise, as well as emotionally. They both could have handled it differently, but I guess most couples have disagreements periodically about various issues. It just really struck me as self-centered the way she didn't consider all he'd been through with Amber and the aftermath as being "his" story. It couldn't have been more so.

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