Down in The Dumps

“He’s going to dump me.” I whined to Anna over brunch.

I’d met her for brunch to get her take on this situation because I could tell that Molly and Zoey were tired of hearing me overanalyze it with them. I didn’t want to bother Anna with her due date so close but I really needed some advice.

“He actually said he needed space?” She asked cutting her waffles.

“Yeah.” I moped and picked at my fruit salad.

“Ouch.”

“Right? Molly said I was reading too much into it, but I don’t think I am.”

“Well, what did Molly say about all of this?”

“She said she didn’t want a book written about her out there, either, but that she’s also a lot easier to remove from the narrative so as long as he did that she wouldn’t really mind it.”

Anna was quiet for a moment as she chewed her waffles contemplatively.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Faith…a guy asking for space isn’t a good sign.”

“I know.” I put my head in my hands, “How do I fix this, Anna?”

“I don’t know, Faith. I wish I had a better answer for you.”

“Am I being unreasonable?” I asked.

“I don’t think so, but I do think both you and Adam have valid reasons for feeling the way you do. It’s not fair to write his feelings off and it’s not every day that someone actually gets a book offer. Practically banning him from taking that job was probably the wrong way to go about it.”

“I regret that but I was caught off guard!” I protested.

“I understand that but you don’t want to be the person that makes him choose between his relationship and his career, do you? Because that could breed resentment.”

“So what do I do?”

“I think you should do what he asked and give him some space.”

“It’s been three days, Anna! He hasn’t called or texted once…”

Anna sat there for a few seconds and I could tell she was choosing her words very carefully.

“Faith, do you remember when you were dating Brad and he constantly made you feel unsupported in your career?”

“Yeah, but that’s not what I’m doing he-”

She held up her hand to stop me.

“Let me finish. How would you feel if Brad had told you not to take your job at the Glass Penny?”

“I would have hated it and probably broken up with him on the spot. It was such a huge opportunity for me...” I trailed off seeing her point.

“How would you feel if Mike had told you not to take your job with them? He was always supportive of your career.”

“I would have been really angry with him and told him he had no right to make decisions about my career for me.”

“Right.” She sipped her orange juice.

“That’s not very fair.” I said, “Me taking that job wouldn’t have affected either one of them the way this job offer of Adam’s will affect me.”

“You don’t think so?” Anna asked, “You signed a five year contract, Faith. Whether you want to admit it or not that would affect the person you’re with.”

“It’s not the same,” I shook my head, “A five year contract is one thing. A book is forever.”

“Fair enough.” She conceded.

“You’re right, though,” I said sadly, “If it had been me and Adam had told me I couldn’t take a job that would be huge for MY career I would have been really angry, too.”

“Maybe you should tell him that whenever he decides to contact you.”

She made a wincing face and held her stomach.

“Are you okay?” I asked with concern.

“Yeah, just back contractions. I’m not in active labor yet so the contractions come and go randomly. They’re a lot worse than I remember.” She joked.

“It’ll be worth it when you’ve got that baby in your arms, though.” I smiled, “Or at least that’s what my mom always says…”

“You should call her, Faith.”

“She doesn’t want to hear from me.” I looked out the window we were sitting next to.

“Mothers always want to hear from their daughters. Even if she’s cold and short with you, she still loves you.”

“Too bad Adam doesn’t anymore.” I mused sadly.

Anna gave me a sad look and put her hand on mine.

“I’m sorry, Faith.”

“Me, too.” My eyes welled up, “I love him so much…”

I started full on ugly crying at that point and Anna followed suit.

“Come on, Faith, you can’t cry in front of a pregnant woman.” She wiped her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I just…every time I see him I feel butterflies. He knows me better than I do sometimes. I don’t want to lose him because of this.”

“Then tell him to write the book.”

“I can’t, Anna. I’ve only just started to heal from what happened…to have it all written down in a book…”

Anna let out a slow breath.

“You know, the success of a relationship is almost entirely due to compromise. Isn’t there some way to compromise on this with him?”

“I don’t see how. A different topic isn’t an option because then the genre won’t be relevant to his actual career goals. Changing our names doesn't fix the issue because it'll be too obvious who it's about. Taking me out of it isn’t an option…”

“I think this is the definition of being between a rock and a hard place.”

I picked at my fruit salad and didn’t say anything.

“What did Zoey say?” She asked, “She always gives great advice.”

“She didn’t have an answer for me, either.” I said dejectedly.

“Um, speaking of Zoey…is everything okay with her? She’s been sort of distant for weeks.”

“Yeah, she’s fine.”

“Is it about the whole her dating Theo thing?” She asked

I eyed her but kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to be responsible for telling her something I wasn’t supposed to.

“Did Zoey ever tell you she had a miscarriage when we were in college?”

I nodded.

“Zoey told me about it shortly after I had mine to help me cope and let me know I wasn’t alone. Based on her story and when Theo said they were together, I just did the math…”

“I thought Theo just told you they’d hooked up.” I pointed out.

“He did….at first. Eventually he admitted that it had been more than that but he never told me about the miscarriage. I assume Zoey never told him she was pregnant or about the miscarriage since it took her years to open up to me about it.”

Anna wasn’t as in the know as she thought she was but I wasn’t about to tell her that Theo DID know about Zoey’s pregnancy because that wasn’t my information to tell.

“You’re…you’re not mad at her, though?” I asked.

“No. I’ll admit I felt a little betrayed at first but I moved on and after Zoey told me about what she had been going through during that period of her life, I understood and forgave her. I’m not mad at her and I wouldn’t want her to think that I was. Do you think she thinks I’m angry with her?”

“Wow.” I said, “You know, she might be distant because of that. I think maybe she just feels weird about it, though, not necessarily worried you’re mad at her.”

“Do you think I should talk to her about it?” Anna asked.

“NO.” I practically yelled it and got looks from other diners, “Uh, I mean, no. If she feels weird about it, bringing it up will just make it even worse, right? She just needs some time, I guess.”

“You’re probably right. In hindsight, I never would have mentioned it if I’d known how uncomfortable she was going to feel.”

“She’ll get over it, Anna.”

I desperately wanted to change the subject because we had strayed into dangerous territory but Anna changed the subject first.

“I think we’re going to start looking for a bigger house.” She said.

“Oh, really? Where?”

We talked about real estate and all of the neighborhoods she was considering for another hour before finally saying good bye. I was sort of bummed that Anna didn’t really have any good advice for me about the Adam situation. I just wish I knew how to fix things between us. As for the Zoey situation, I’m not sure if I should tell her about what Anna knows. I don’t want Anna to tell Zoey without making sure she knows that Anna thinks Theo never knew about her pregnancy but at the same time I don’t want to get involved in this situation at all.

I went home to ruminate on what we’d talked about and plopped on the couch next to Molly.

“Maybe I should just call him.” I said.

“You leave that man alone.”

“It’s been three days!”

“Shut up. Three days is not a big deal. He asked for some space so give him some.”

“But-”

“Faith, do you want to be Adam’s girlfriend?” She asked looking over at me.

“Of course I d-”

“Okay, well then you need to NOT call him.”

“What? Why?”

“Because calling him when he’s asked you for some space, which isn’t unreasonable, by the way, is a sure-fire way to make sure he dumps your ass. So unless you WANT him to dump you, do not touch your phone.”

“Shouldn’t I at least try to explain wh-”

“No.” Molly said.

“But I could te-”

“No.”

“Molly.”

“No. Faith, Adam is an adult. He’s going to make the decision that he wants to make and if that means dumping you, well, then that’s his decision. But pushing him to make a decision on YOUR timetable instead of his isn’t going to do you any favors. You need to relax and let him come to you when HE’S ready, not when you think he’s had enough time. I know it sucks feeling like this but you. Need. To. CHILL. OUT.”

“What if he just never gets in touch with me, though?”

“What kind of guy do you think he is?” Molly looked at me seriously, “Do you really think he’s the kind of asshole that would leave after a fight and just never call you again? Faith, I get that you’ve had a lot of bad dudes in your past but Adam isn’t one of them. Trust that he’s a genuinely good guy and will call you.”

“You’re right.” I sighed, “I’m being stupid.”

“You’re not being stupid. You’re just letting your worries get the best of you. It happens to all of us every now and then.”

She smiled at me and I gave her a sad smile back.