Good Golly Miss Molly!

Anna’s baby shower was today and I just got back to my apartment. Anna is absolutely ginormous and so adorable in her maternity clothes. Pregnancy looks really good on her and I’m so happy that things are so different compared to last year. Sean was going to meet me there because he was picking up some beers for Theo’s basement party so Molly and I arrived together. Zoey had been there for an hour already, helping Anna set up and greet guests. We got there sort of late because Molly dropped the diaper cake and the top tier came loose. We probably looked ridiculous running down the street trying to pick up the diapers that had burst out of the tier but we got it put back together and made it to the party about 10 minutes late.

As soon as I walked in, I froze. Elise was standing next to a few of Anna’s work friends laughing. I felt blindsided, to be honest. I know Anna tried to avoid having a falling out with Elise but it never really crossed my mind that Elise would be at her baby shower. In hindsight, I probably should have expected it and I should have prepared myself for it. Molly looked at me and the shocked expression on my face before rushing me over to the gift table to drop off our diaper cake.

“What’s going on?” She asked pretending to straighten some of the gifts.

“I didn’t expect Elise to be here.” I whispered back following her lead.

Just then Anna came out and gave both of us hugs (which was difficult considering how large her baby belly is) and invited us to grab some pizza from the kitchen. Molly and I walked into the kitchen as Anna went to join in the conversation with her work friends.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one that wasn’t expecting her to be here.” Zoey said sipping a glass of lemonade and leaning on a kitchen counter.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked pouring Molly and me some lemonade and grabbing a slice of pizza.

“Don’t worry; the shock will wear off soon.” Zoey smirked.

“I take it you guys don’t like Elise?” Molly asked.

“Well, since she arrived, she’s told Anna that pizza was a stupid thing to have at a baby shower and complained because there weren’t any cocktails. She then asked Theo for some of the beer that Sean brought over and then asked Anna why she had a cake instead of a fruit plate because the calories in cake aren’t going to help Anna lose weight. THEN she accused me of purposefully omitting her from the gift everyone at work pitched in on but I have an e-mail from her saying she would buy Anna her own gift. She bought Anna a box of condoms.”

Molly and I were silent after Zoey finished. A beat went by before the three of us burst into laughter at the absolute absurdity of Elise’s behavior.

“That’s really rude.” Molly said when we all calmed down from laughing, “Does she not realize that Anna has a baby in her? Or does she think Anna has just gotten fat?”

“I don’t even know,” Zoey said, “but Elise has always had a fixation on weight and physical appearance.” Zoey’s expression was dark and I knew she was referring to her surprise birthday party a few months ago where Elise insulted Zoey’s weight while simultaneously trying to steal Wesley.

“Is Anna okay?” I asked.

“Um, I think she’s trying to ignore Elise’s comments by convincing herself that Elise is just joking sarcastically, but it’s pretty obvious that Elise is just being rude. To be entirely honest, I’m surprised Anna hasn’t started crying yet.”

Just then, Elise walked into the kitchen.

“Careful with that pizza Faith, you don’t want to get fat.”

Elise stopped at the kitchen island and grabbed another slice when Molly caught her eye.

She stopped and smiled before saying, “I see some of us are a little too far gone for help, though.”

Zoey and I expected Molly to be hurt but she didn’t miss a beat.

“You must be Elise,” she smiled, “I’ve heard a lot about you, apparently you’re not only rude, but you’re also a raging bitch. And I have some news for you, homeskillet, a plastic surgeon can make me look thinner or prettier or whatever else you’ve decided to internally hate about yourself and lash out by critiquing other women for but a plastic surgeon will never be able to fix your absolutely disgusting personality.”

And with that Molly grabbed two more slices from the island, put them on her plate, and walked out while Zoey and I stood there to take in the shocked and horrified look on Elise’s face.

“What are you looking at?” Elise snapped at us.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” I said.

Zoey and I left the kitchen to join Anna and her work friends. We played a few games and cut the cake until Anna sent me downstairs to get Theo do they could open the gifts together.

“Hey guys.” I said coming down the stairs.

Theo had a few friends from the hospital along with Sean crowded around a big screen television. It was halftime and they were chatting about the game so far.

“Hey, I sent you a text to warn you about Elise,” Sean said coming up to me to give me a kiss and whisper in my ear, “but I wasn’t sure if you got it.”

“I didn’t, but it’s okay, you missed Molly totally ripping Elise a new one.” I whispered back.

“Is it time for presents?” Theo asked.

“Yeah, Anna sent me down here, she said it’s fine if Theo just comes upstairs since the game is on but the cake is pretty good, gentlemen, so you might want to consider coming upstairs for a piece.”

We all trooped up the stairs and Anna and Theo started opening gifts. Anna received a breast pump, so many baby clothes, the diaper cake Molly and I brought, a newborn bassinette, a baby lap pillow thing, her parents and in-laws went in on a deluxe baby stroller, and the final gift was the food package Zoey had gotten mutual work friends to go in on. Anna loved everything until Elise made Theo open her gift (the pack of condoms) and then made a suggestive joke about how she wanted to make sure Theo didn’t “knock up” any of his mistresses while Anna isn’t allowed to have sex after giving birth soon.

There was a really uncomfortable silence after that until Sean jumped in.

“Well, so we can still catch the last quarter of the game, guys!”

Theo’s work friends all quickly followed Sean downstairs to try and get off the sinking ship the party had become because of Elise but Theo stayed behind for a few minutes to thank everyone for the gifts. Zoey and I pulled Anna to the side to see how she was doing because her mood had dropped significantly.

“I just don’t understand why she’s being like this.” She said on the verge of tears.

“Probably because she can’t stand that you’re the center of attention.” I said.

“Or because she’s just a really mean person and a bad friend.” Zoey said.

It was harsh, but true. I was trying to be more sensitive but I knew Zoey wanted Anna to finally stop being in denial about Elise and her behavior. If I had been at the party as long as Zoey was and witnessed Elise’s treatment of Anna, I would have been impatient, too.

“But, she’s-” Anna’s face went from being sad, to shocked, to pissed in a matter of milliseconds before she pushed past us.

Zoey and I whipped around to see Anna angrily walking across the room to Elise who was flirtatiously hitting Theo’s chest. Molly came up behind us with a bowl of popcorn.

“This is going to be good, guys.” She said offering us the bowl. Zoey and I both took a handful and started munching on it, prepared to watch.

“That’s IT!” Anna hissed. “You need to leave.”

“Excuse me?” Elise said.

“I want to you to go; you’re ruining my baby shower.”

“Oh, please Anna.” Elise turned back to Theo, giggling.

“I’m serious. I want you to leave and I never want to hear from you again.”

“Anna, what is wrong with you? You’re acting crazy! Is it because of your hormones?”

“NO! It’s because YOU are a…you are a BAD friend and I’m sick and tired of you being mean to me all the time. At first I thought it was because you were feeling left out and not included in our group of friends, but now I realize that you’re actually just a really mean person and I want you to go. Now!”

Elise looked around at the party guests, who were all trying to hide their smiles, as if she expected someone to stand up for her but no one did. I looked over and could see Sean and Theo’s friends’ heads poking over the basement stairs with wide eyes. Elise looked at Zoey and me and narrowed her gaze when she realized we were happily eating popcorn and watching Anna yell at her.

“This is all your fault!” Elise said pointing at the two of us before storming out of Anna and Theo’s house and slamming the door so a picture frame fell off the wall.

Anna watched her go before turning around to the guests and apologizing for yelling. Then we all just moved on after that. It was really nice. Theo and the guys went downstairs (Sean flashed me a thumbs up and mouthed the word “wow” as he followed Theo down the stairs) to finish watching the game and the rest of us played some more games. Before the end of the party, Anna, Zoey, Molly, and I scheduled a last girl’s night before Anna gives birth and I think it will be really great. Elise is no longer a subject of tension between Zoey, Anna, and I and I can’t help but feel like a lot of weight has been lifted from our relationship