Not a Happy Ending

Living with Stormy has been pretty easy so far. It’s kind of nice having a roommate, actually.

I had the apartment to myself because Stormy was out apartment hunting. Sean ended up coming over again. We were getting down to business when there was a knock on my door. We had ordered Chinese take-out and I went to answer the door. But it wasn’t our food. My eyes were huge.

“Hey, I just wanted to see if you were up for grabbing some lunch.” Randy said when I opened the door.

“Uh...”

“This must be Stormy, right?” Randy said inviting himself in and going to shake Sean’s hand.

“…uh, yeah. It’s nice to meet you.” Sean said shaking Randy’s hand.

I gave up at that moment.

“No. It’s not.” I said with an air of exhaustion, “Sean, you should go. Now, please.”

Sean left without a word and Randy looked confused for a minute until the realization dawned on him.

“Sean…? As in…your ex-fiancé, Sean?”

I nodded and took Randy’s hand before leading him to sit down in a chair.

“Randy, I’ve…not been honest with you. When I told you that I wanted to be exclusive, I did. I really meant it. I wasn’t seeing anyone else. But then Sean showed up and we…we ended up sleeping together. I’ve felt terrible about it and I’ve been trying to tell you for weeks. It didn’t just happen once, either. I am so sorry.”

Randy didn’t say anything. He was processing what I had just said when the food I had ordered arrived. I apologized before answering the door and leaving the food in the kitchen to rejoin Randy in the living room.

“How long have you been dating him?”

“Randy, it…it wasn’t like that. We aren’t dating…it was just…”

“You guys were just having sex?”

“Yes.”

“For how long?”

“A month.” I said. It felt like I was stabbing Randy, and myself, with each word.

“For a month?” Randy said more to himself than to me, “Did I do something wrong? Is it because of Teddy?”

“What? No. Randy, I really like you. I love spending time with you and the fact that you have a child has nothing to do with what I’ve done. The truth is…I probably should have turned you down when you asked me out. I wasn’t over my relationship with Sean. I wasn’t prepared to be in another serious relationship so soon and I should have told you that from the beginning but I was in denial. I really thought I was fine and that I was over him but I’m not and things are so complicated now. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen and I really didn’t want to hurt you. I know that I did and I feel awful about it.”

Randy didn’t say much. I told him about my relationship with Sean and how it affected me. I explained that dating him, among other men, was a way for me to be defiant against my feelings left over from my relationship and that I regret not dealing with it better. He was quiet and was taking it all in.

“I don’t know what to say.” He said finally.

The food I had ordered had long gone cold and my apartment was significantly darker than when Randy had first knocked on my door.

“I could try to look past this…” He said quietly.

“You won’t be able to.” I said and Randy understood seeing as how he’d just listened to me talk about trying to recover from Sean cheating on me and not being able to, “It’s okay if you don’t want to be with me anymore, Randy. I wouldn’t want to be with me, either.”

“I like you, Faith, I think…if things had gone differently I probably would have fallen in love with you.”

“You still like me even though I’ve just done one of the worst things imaginable?”

Randy thought about it.

“You were trying to run away from a lot of hard stuff. I know that coping can be hard. Not everything is easy. After my wife died, I started drinking a lot. And I know that if I hadn’t been shaken out of it I wouldn’t have been able to take control of my life again. I understand, Faith, even though this really sucks.”

“Randy, you’re such a great guy. I never deserved you. And you don’t deserve what I’ve put you through. I really am sorry.”

Randy gave me a hug.

“So, I guess we’re over?” Randy said.

“I guess so.” I said sadly.

He kissed me on my cheek and I squeezed his hand before he left.