Justice?

Sean walked me to my lawyer’s office about an hour before my mediation with Kevin. He wasn’t very talkative as we walked and I was rambling on about something stupid that I can’t even remember. When we got to the doors things got kind of awkward.

“Do you want to come up?” I asked after he lingered there for awhile.

“No, I’ve gotta go talk to Lou about something….unless you want me to stay.”

Sean sort of caught me off guard. It sounded like he was asking me permission and I didn’t know what to say. I wouldn’t have a problem with Sean being there but I knew Kevin would be there and it just seemed like it would make the lack of communication we’ve been experiencing worse. I tried to give him the opportunity to decide for himself.

“You can stay if that thing with Lou isn’t important.”

Sean paused and took in my answer.

“…I should talk to Lou.” He said starting to walk away.

“Bye.” I said before he was too far away.

I turned to walk through the doors- “Hey Faith?”

I turned around and Sean was looking at me his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah?”

“…good luck.”

Before I could respond, Sean walked away. I had an overwhelming feeling he was going to say something else and I was kicking myself for not going after him as I walked off the elevator to go meet with my lawyer, Shelby.

“Hey,” she said warmly as she offered me some coffee.

“Hi.” I said sitting down in a squashy arm chair across from her. There was a coffee table between us and her office was very sleek and modern looking. It sort of reminded me of mine, with the large panel windows and sleek accents, but her office was dripping in rich earth tones and dark wood. The carpet was a nice, professional gray and there were various plants and decorations to give it a relaxed feel.

“So, Faith, I just wanted to invite you here to kind of prep you for how things will be today.”

“Okay,” I said dumping some creamer in my coffee.

Shelby reviewed my case with me and asked questions to help clarify about the events and then her demeanor changed. It was shockingly gentle.

“Because of the nature of what happened, Faith, I think I need to prepare you for Kevin’s lawyer’s questions and strategy.”

“Okay.” I said with trepidation putting my cup of coffee down.

Shelby opened her mouth to speak but an intercom on her desk interrupted her.

“Mr. Cartwright and his client are here.”

“Damn. They’re early. Can you settle them in the conference room? We’ll meet them in a minute.”

“Yes ma’am.” And the intercom clicked off. She turned her sights back to me.

“I just want you to make sure you have your demands ready and I don’t want you to be discouraged if you don’t get all of them met.”

She was choosing her words very carefully but before I could respond she started shuffling out of her office. I followed and then stopped cold. Hannah was sitting in the waiting area and her face was fixed with an icy glare in my direction. Shelby noticed I had stopped and turned around to look at me. I had to tell her about the history Kevin and I had prior to today so she could further understand my case and she slowly put two and two together.

“Come on, Faith, we don’t want to be late.” She put her hand on my shoulder and gently guided me to the conference room while simultaneously trying to block my view of Hannah with her body.

The shock of seeing Kevin for the first time since the night in the bar was also unexpected but I took a second to recompose myself and began walking to the conference table. From the door I could see Kevin’s injuries still evident on his face from Sean’s attack. The bruises around his eyes were yellow and green and the cut on his lip had a stitch in it. It also looked like he’d gotten some teeth work done. He smiled at me and it made my stomach churn. It was a hungry, disgusting smile that took in my entire body as I sat across from him and I found it impossible to stop the spread of revulsion quickly covering my face. I took in Kevin’s lawyer quickly. He was wearing a suit that was a shade brighter than navy with a garish gold watch and his hair was dark on the sides but graying on the top. Frankly, he stunk of money and seemed to imbue all of the privilege and snobbery of the clients he serves. He probably fits in perfectly at their exorbitant parties that serve only to congratulate each other on their bank accounts. I hated him instantly.

Shelby sat next to me and didn’t waste a second getting down to business.

“You’ve looked at the case, Dick?” She asked Mr. Cartwright.

“I have. There really isn’t one.”

I was taken aback by his comment but covered my shocked expression as he leaned back in his chair like he owned the place.

“Well, we think there is. Would you like to discuss a compromise for your client first?”

“Sure. 500 hours of community service and he pays her $1,000...for damages.”

“Excuse me?” I say.

I couldn’t stop myself from blurting out in anger.

“He tried to rape me. I don’t want money! I want his ass in jail!”

To my complete and utter disgust, Kevin and his lawyer started laughing like I told the funniest joke ever. I looked at Shelby with rage clouding my vision. She stood up immediately, walked to the door, and opened it.

“Gentlemen, could you give me a moment with my client.”

Kevin and his lawyer walked out trying to stifle their giggles as Shelby walked over to sit next to me.

“Why are they laughing at me?” I practically shouted at her.

Shelby took a moment, it was clear she was trying to find a good way to phrase her next sentence.

“Faith, it’s nearly impossible to get a rapist convicted, let alone attempted rapists. Asking for jail time for what he did is never going to happen.”

I blinked at Shelby’s bluntness.

“Shelby, this isn’t the first time he’s sexually assaulted me. I need to be protected from him showing up again and actually raping me!” My voice started to become hysterical and shrill at the possibility of Kevin ever coming back into my life after today.

“Faith, take a deep breath, please.” She poured me a glass of water and handed it to me before she continued, “I understand that, I do, but if we try and take this to court, Dick is going to get the previous sexual assault dismissed as evidence because you never pressed charges. He’ll also claim that because you two were in a relationship that ended badly, you’re lying about this assault. He’ll slander you and ask you invasive questions about your sex life, life if you like dominance. And he won’t just ask you, he’ll make Sean testify about your sex life, interview your friends to see if you’ve ever expressed interest in a anything kinky. He’ll ask you what you were wearing, if you have ever fantasized about Kevin, imply that you were pissed off about the wedding invitation and are just lying about this assault happening to get back at Kevin because you’re jealous he’s not marrying you. He’ll bring Hannah into this and destroy your character completely and you will walk away with nothing but emotional distress and possibly some relationship problems with your boyfriend.”

I gaped at her with the glass in my hand before I became enraged.

“So you’re saying this is my fault because I was in a relationship with Kevin!? That’s what all of this stems from!”

“No, Faith, it’s not your fault. It’s the fault of a society that gives privileged men like Kevin a pass, slut shames and victim blames women who have been assaulted or who admit they enjoy sex except for that time they were raped, or by telling women that being drunk and being raped isn’t actually rape. It’s the fault of male privilege and rape culture that vilifies women who accuse someone of rape. This is not your fault, it’s society’s.”

I looked at Shelby for a moment before I lost all hope. She was sympathetic to my experience but she was being realistic and I wasn’t. All of my fight left me and I was on the verge of tears.

“Then why are we even bothering with this mediation? Why didn’t you just let a judge throw out the case?”

“Because, Faith, I’m used to working with Dick and his clients. All hope is not lost. Kevin is part of the old money society, now that he’s married to old money. A public rape charge and court battle would be the scandal of the century even if your case would eventually get thrown out and it would ruin everything for Kevin and his pretty new wife, who I’m sure has no idea what this mediation is actually about.”

“So…what are you thinking?”

“Well, we aren’t going to get jail time, but if there’s something else you want we might be able to get this mediation going.”

“I never want him near me again and I never want him to send me anything ever again. I want absolutely no contact ever.”

“Done.”

“And I want him to drop the charges he’s pressing against Sean.”

“I think we can get that. Anything else?”

I thought about this for a moment.

“I want a written apology…to me and Sean, and I want him to sign a contract promising everything- dropping the charges, no contact, everything. A legally binding contract that I can bring to court and have his ass punished if he doesn’t abide by it.”

“Okay then.”

Shelby gives me an impressed look before asking me if it’s okay to bring Kevin and his lawyer back in. I nod and within seconds Kevin is sitting across from me again. Shelby slowly starts to read off my demands and Kevin begins to look green. I can tell the worst part about my list of demands for him was probably the written apology and I feel like having him drop the charges against Sean was his plan all along in exchange for me dropping the charges against him and I’m okay with that. It allows me to protect Sean from the stress and worry this has been causing him.

After Shelby lays out my demands and explains how the contract will work, Mr. Cartwright leans over to Kevin and they quietly discuss their options. Shelby and I can’t hear what is said but Kevin nods in defeat and a notary is called to draw up the contract I wanted. It takes about 30 minutes for Shelby, the notary, and Mr. Cartwright to hammer out a contract. The notary certifies two contracts and the two of us sign both of them while they witness it. I’m given a copy and so is Kevin and he goes to leave. I’m left with Shelby.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You sound pretty down.” She said.

“It just doesn’t really seem like justice was served. He’s just going to find someone else to manipulate and treat like garbage.”

“Well, maybe that doesn’t have to be his wife…”

I look at Shelby as she gives me a small smirk. I shake my head because I don’t understand what she means.

“You didn’t sign a confidentiality agreement, which means you’re free to discuss his actions to anyone you might choose. Anyone.” Shelby winks at me, waves good-bye, and then leaves for her office.

I contemplate her suggestion and I put myself in Hannah’s shoes. It seems like such a cruel thing to do. I leave the conference room to find Shelby’s waiting room empty. Kevin and Hannah are long gone and I wipe my hands clean of everything. When I get into the main entry way of the building I’m in I decide to go into the bathroom and when I come out of my stall Hannah is standing in front of a mirror applying lipstick. Our eyes meet as soon as I open it and the hatred behind hers begins to bore into me. I calmly walk to a sink and begin washing my hands and we icily stand in each other’s presence. I dry my hands and go to leave but turn and look at her.

“I know he probably told you something else, but he tried to rape me the night of his bachelor’s party. The only reason he didn't succeed was because of my boyfriend. He gave him all of those bruises. If it were me, I’d want to know.” And I walked out with the sound of my shoes echoing off the tile.

Kevin was standing near the information desk on his cell phone laughing. He saw me leaving the bathroom and I made sure to make eye contact with him. He stopped laughing and shifted his gaze a few feet behind me towards the bathroom, then looked back at me.

I smirked and lifted an eyebrow as I sauntered out of the exit; I could feel him watching me as I left.