I spent the majority of my weekend running errands and doing chores but made sure to go to a bookstore to pick up a few things I’d been wanting for awhile. I ordered in and took a bubble bath and was just getting out when there was a knock at my door. I wrapped myself in a fluffy towel and looked through the peephole, it was Kevin. Perplexed, I opened the door.
“Hey…uh what are you doing here?”
“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop by to give you this.” Kevin kissed me and then gave me a small bouquet of daisies, which were my favorite. I was surprised and said thank you.
“Do you want to come in?”
“No, I just wanted to give you that.” Kevin kissed me again, this time with a little more heat. Right when I started getting into it he pulled away and kissed my forehead before leaving.
I put the flowers in a vase and changed into my pajamas, and put a movie in. Then I realized that Kevin lives pretty far away to just “be in the neighborhood” which means he went out of his way to bring me flowers. I’m not really sure if I should think this is romantic or a little creepy…
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Z-Time
I plopped down in the booth at our favorite Italian place. Zoey sidled in the other side. We’d been shopping for hours and having a blast and were both exhausted by the time we decided to get some food.
“Man, wearing heels was a bad idea,” Zoey was rubbing her foot under the table, “What are you going to get?”
“Hmmmm,” I perused the menu, “The four cheese ziti.”
“Nice.”
The waiter came and took our orders and we settled in with our drinks. Zoey talked about work and I could tell she’d had a difficult week with Anna’s miscarriage and then the magazine photo shoots.
“I’ve just been so impatient, you know, normally when I get a model who’s difficult I’m super good at working with them, but this week I actually had to leave the set for 5 minutes because I wanted to fire her, that’s not even my job!” Zoey rubbed her temples and perked up, “The food’s here!”
I smiled and then prepared myself for what I was planning next.
“Hey, so….Kevin left Hannah.”
Zoey’s mouth hung open as she stopped mid-lift of her fork. She gave me a skeptical look but gestured for me to continue.
“And…he’s kind of my boyfriend now.”
Zoey put her fork down and folded her hands.
“And I was about to have sex with him when you called me about Anna.”
At that Zoey was visibly shocked.
“Well, that’s what you wanted, right? To be with him?” Zoey was choosing her words wisely and I could tell she had a lot more to say but didn’t want to say it.
“I mean….yeah.” I shrugged.
“But there’s something off, isn’t there?” Zoey cocked her head and looked at me with an analytical air.
“Yeah…but I don’t know what. I think it’s me just not wanting to trust him after everything. But he’s putting a lot on the line to be with me, so I guess that’s reassuring.”
“What?”
“We talked a couple of nights ago and I told him that if we break up in the future, he has to leave the paper.”
Her mouth dropped and suddenly I felt really stupid for asking Kevin to agree to such a thing, but it gives me job security and makes me feel better about dating my boss. I told Zoey as much and she understood as much as she could.
“So…do you want to meet him?”
“Uh…”
“Not ready yet, huh?”
“No, I mean it’s kind of a bombshell, Faith. You don’t need my approval to date someone, is that what you’re looking for?”
“Kinda.”
“Well…I guess I approve. If he makes you happy and he’s what you want then why wouldn’t I?
With that I felt complete relief, “There’s one thing, we both know, Elise is going to be ecstatic.”
Zoey and I both started laughing and after dinner decided to go see a movie. By the time I got home I felt like a teenager who just dished about her first boyfriend to her best friend. I smiled and fell into bed.
“Man, wearing heels was a bad idea,” Zoey was rubbing her foot under the table, “What are you going to get?”
“Hmmmm,” I perused the menu, “The four cheese ziti.”
“Nice.”
The waiter came and took our orders and we settled in with our drinks. Zoey talked about work and I could tell she’d had a difficult week with Anna’s miscarriage and then the magazine photo shoots.
“I’ve just been so impatient, you know, normally when I get a model who’s difficult I’m super good at working with them, but this week I actually had to leave the set for 5 minutes because I wanted to fire her, that’s not even my job!” Zoey rubbed her temples and perked up, “The food’s here!”
I smiled and then prepared myself for what I was planning next.
“Hey, so….Kevin left Hannah.”
Zoey’s mouth hung open as she stopped mid-lift of her fork. She gave me a skeptical look but gestured for me to continue.
“And…he’s kind of my boyfriend now.”
Zoey put her fork down and folded her hands.
“And I was about to have sex with him when you called me about Anna.”
At that Zoey was visibly shocked.
“Well, that’s what you wanted, right? To be with him?” Zoey was choosing her words wisely and I could tell she had a lot more to say but didn’t want to say it.
“I mean….yeah.” I shrugged.
“But there’s something off, isn’t there?” Zoey cocked her head and looked at me with an analytical air.
“Yeah…but I don’t know what. I think it’s me just not wanting to trust him after everything. But he’s putting a lot on the line to be with me, so I guess that’s reassuring.”
“What?”
“We talked a couple of nights ago and I told him that if we break up in the future, he has to leave the paper.”
Her mouth dropped and suddenly I felt really stupid for asking Kevin to agree to such a thing, but it gives me job security and makes me feel better about dating my boss. I told Zoey as much and she understood as much as she could.
“So…do you want to meet him?”
“Uh…”
“Not ready yet, huh?”
“No, I mean it’s kind of a bombshell, Faith. You don’t need my approval to date someone, is that what you’re looking for?”
“Kinda.”
“Well…I guess I approve. If he makes you happy and he’s what you want then why wouldn’t I?
With that I felt complete relief, “There’s one thing, we both know, Elise is going to be ecstatic.”
Zoey and I both started laughing and after dinner decided to go see a movie. By the time I got home I felt like a teenager who just dished about her first boyfriend to her best friend. I smiled and fell into bed.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Established
I made it through the next couple days at work nicely, Kevin gave me the space I needed and last night I decided to check up on Anna. She’s doing okay, but Theo is looking into a few grief counseling groups around the area for the two of them. They were both devastated by the miscarriage and he thinks it would be a good idea. I can’t help but agree, Anna doesn’t like to talk about her emotions that much and holding all of her feelings about the miscarriage inside could only do her more damage. Zoey’s schedule has been super crazy at the magazine lately so we made a date to meet this Saturday. I’m looking forward to having some Zoey time, especially since I have yet to tell her about Kevin and me.
On that front, Kevin came over tonight. We planned to get dinner, but he ended up having to fix an emergency at the paper and had to stay late. He came over around nine and looked happy to see me after dealing with work. I let him in and offered to take his coat before we both sat on the couch to talk.
“Do you want some coffee?”
“That sounds really great, how was your day?” He asked as I got up to get the coffee and a few cookies.
“It was okay, I called Anna, she’s doing okay.” I said from the kitchen, “I wanted to thank you for driving me to the hospital that night, it was really great and you didn’t have to do that.” I came out of the kitchen with two coffee cups and a few butter cookies on a plate.
“Sure, of course, it wasn’t a problem, I’m glad I could help.” Kevin said taking a cup.
I sat down and looked at Kevin while he sipped his coffee and started the dreaded “us” conversation we both desperately needed to have.
“Kevin, I want to be with you, but I feel like I should be as honest about our relationship as possible even if it means you won’t want to be with me anymore.” He put the coffee cup down and looked at me.
“Okay.”
“I still feel uneasy about trusting you completely. I also feel uneasy about the fact that we work together and that you’re my boss. And I really feel uncomfortable about what would become of our working relationship if this doesn’t work out.”
“Fair enough”
“So…I have a few conditions…”
Kevin cocked his head, intrigued and continued, “Okay.”
“I need to know if Hannah is still in your life and what kind of relationship you have with her now. I want to know if she knows about us and the things that happened with me while you were still together.”
Kevin made eye contact with me and took a deep breath, “Yes, Hannah is still in my life. We lived together before I broke everything off but she’s been staying with her sister while unpacking, I hardly see her. Our relationship is cordial but she’s obviously hurt and is still hoping for a reconciliation, which is never going to happen, Faith. I promise you," Kevin took my hand and looked even deeper into my eyes, I saw nothing but sincerity, “I want to be with you, I’m not in love with Hannah and I haven’t been for awhile. Lastly, she doesn’t know about anything. I feel like it’s respectful to keep it that way…at least until she has a chance to move on and understand that the relationship has passed.”
I processed everything and nodded, “Okay, I can accept that. The last thing might be the most difficult for you to agree to.”
He prepared himself, “Okay.”
“If we break up you have to leave the paper.” Kevin went to say something but I cut him off, “I like my job too much to work with someone I’ve been romantically involved with, especially if this becomes serious. I don’t want to leave my job and you were brought on to be a temporary replacement for George. I’ve been working there longer so I shouldn’t have to leave.”
Kevin sat silently for a minute and considered my proposal. He shook his head and my stomach dropped. When I was thinking about our relationship and working together last night, this seemed like a reasonable request. It wasn’t until I silently started panicking that I realized Kevin was smiling. He started laughing and I felt super confused.
“I can’t believe I’m actually going to agree to that… but, okay, I’ll leave.” My mouth dropped. “So can we define what we’re doing now?”
“Uh….yeah, sure.” I stammered, still surprised.
“So I’m going to refer to you as my girlfriend now, is that okay with you?”
“Yeah.”
“And I’m not going to date other women, is that okay with you?”
“Of course. And I’ll do the same.”
We both kind of felt waves of relief come over us and ended up snuggling on my couch watching movies on cable and eating cookies. We didn’t have sex, there may have been some making out, but eventually Kevin gave me a kiss goodnight after we made plans for a date on Sunday. After he left I felt so much better about everything going on with us, I just have to figure out how to explain it to my friends…
On that front, Kevin came over tonight. We planned to get dinner, but he ended up having to fix an emergency at the paper and had to stay late. He came over around nine and looked happy to see me after dealing with work. I let him in and offered to take his coat before we both sat on the couch to talk.
“Do you want some coffee?”
“That sounds really great, how was your day?” He asked as I got up to get the coffee and a few cookies.
“It was okay, I called Anna, she’s doing okay.” I said from the kitchen, “I wanted to thank you for driving me to the hospital that night, it was really great and you didn’t have to do that.” I came out of the kitchen with two coffee cups and a few butter cookies on a plate.
“Sure, of course, it wasn’t a problem, I’m glad I could help.” Kevin said taking a cup.
I sat down and looked at Kevin while he sipped his coffee and started the dreaded “us” conversation we both desperately needed to have.
“Kevin, I want to be with you, but I feel like I should be as honest about our relationship as possible even if it means you won’t want to be with me anymore.” He put the coffee cup down and looked at me.
“Okay.”
“I still feel uneasy about trusting you completely. I also feel uneasy about the fact that we work together and that you’re my boss. And I really feel uncomfortable about what would become of our working relationship if this doesn’t work out.”
“Fair enough”
“So…I have a few conditions…”
Kevin cocked his head, intrigued and continued, “Okay.”
“I need to know if Hannah is still in your life and what kind of relationship you have with her now. I want to know if she knows about us and the things that happened with me while you were still together.”
Kevin made eye contact with me and took a deep breath, “Yes, Hannah is still in my life. We lived together before I broke everything off but she’s been staying with her sister while unpacking, I hardly see her. Our relationship is cordial but she’s obviously hurt and is still hoping for a reconciliation, which is never going to happen, Faith. I promise you," Kevin took my hand and looked even deeper into my eyes, I saw nothing but sincerity, “I want to be with you, I’m not in love with Hannah and I haven’t been for awhile. Lastly, she doesn’t know about anything. I feel like it’s respectful to keep it that way…at least until she has a chance to move on and understand that the relationship has passed.”
I processed everything and nodded, “Okay, I can accept that. The last thing might be the most difficult for you to agree to.”
He prepared himself, “Okay.”
“If we break up you have to leave the paper.” Kevin went to say something but I cut him off, “I like my job too much to work with someone I’ve been romantically involved with, especially if this becomes serious. I don’t want to leave my job and you were brought on to be a temporary replacement for George. I’ve been working there longer so I shouldn’t have to leave.”
Kevin sat silently for a minute and considered my proposal. He shook his head and my stomach dropped. When I was thinking about our relationship and working together last night, this seemed like a reasonable request. It wasn’t until I silently started panicking that I realized Kevin was smiling. He started laughing and I felt super confused.
“I can’t believe I’m actually going to agree to that… but, okay, I’ll leave.” My mouth dropped. “So can we define what we’re doing now?”
“Uh….yeah, sure.” I stammered, still surprised.
“So I’m going to refer to you as my girlfriend now, is that okay with you?”
“Yeah.”
“And I’m not going to date other women, is that okay with you?”
“Of course. And I’ll do the same.”
We both kind of felt waves of relief come over us and ended up snuggling on my couch watching movies on cable and eating cookies. We didn’t have sex, there may have been some making out, but eventually Kevin gave me a kiss goodnight after we made plans for a date on Sunday. After he left I felt so much better about everything going on with us, I just have to figure out how to explain it to my friends…
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Work Daze
When I got to work, I was exhausted. Kevin walked into my office and closed the door before I even had a chance to sit down.
“You should take the day off, your weekend was probably pretty hectic,” he said.
“How would you know?” I snapped back, irritated.
“Cause you’re wearing the same clothes you wore on Friday.” He said laughing.
I sighed and realized he was right, I was so concerned about Anna that I didn’t even bother to grab new clothes when I got out of the shower before work. I wasn’t really interested in seeing Kevin, either. After almost sleeping with him, I hadn’t had time to process what I actually wanted from whatever it was that we were doing. My body language must have told him something was up.
“Do you want me to leave?” He looked confused and hurt. I avoided his eyes.
“I think you’re right, I should take the day off, I’m exhausted.” I wasn’t very convincing but got up to grab my things and leave.
“Hold on a second, I’ll go grab my keys and drive you home.” Before I could protest he was rushing to his office.
I waited outside the building while Kevin pulled the car around, dreading whatever was coming. When I got in and buckled my seatbelt, Kevin didn’t move the car.
“Uh….I’m ready…I guess….let’s go,” I looked at him with confusion. He gave me a look I couldn’t interpret and started driving. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for the next few minutes. Kevin finally broke the ice with a comment about the traffic.
“It must be rush hour or something,” he gave an uncomfortable laugh before clearing his throat and trying to start again, “Faith, I’m sensing that you are having regrets about what happened on Friday…”
I sighed angrily and before I could start in on him, he cut me off.
“Look I know you’re tired and worried about Anna, so I don’t want to get into one of these long talks about what we are and stuff, I just want you to know that it’s okay if you have regrets about it and that when you do want to talk about everything, I’ll still be here.” He looked at me sincerely and squeezed my hand over the console. I weakly smiled at him and then turned to look out the window.
When we finally got to my place we said an awkward good bye and I crashed in my bed the second I locked my door, but couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about Kevin and our whole situation. Generally, I have a lot of thinking to do about our….thing. I wanted to be with Kevin so bad when he was with his fiancée but now I don’t feel the same desire. I think I had all of these thoughts about how we would get together and all of the romance that comes with starting with someone new, but now I can’t get past the fact that he’s my boss and people were already talking at work before anything even happened between us, like they knew it was going to. I think I also feel guilty because instead of answering my phone I ignored it the first time it rang so I could fool around like a teenager instead of be there for my friend. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my phone.
“Hey.”
“Hey, is everything okay?” Kevin sounded relieved but nervous to get my call.
“No, everything’s fine. I just…thank you, for letting me off the hook about everything…” I trailed off.
“Sure, but…I do want to talk about…us…eventually.”
“Me too, but not today. Maybe some other time this week? Like over dinner or something?”
“I’d like that. So…there is an “us” then?”
“Um," I paused and then, "Yes.” I was smiling. Conversation started coming easier and I felt like I didn’t need to hide my feelings from him. We hung up and I finally fell asleep.
“You should take the day off, your weekend was probably pretty hectic,” he said.
“How would you know?” I snapped back, irritated.
“Cause you’re wearing the same clothes you wore on Friday.” He said laughing.
I sighed and realized he was right, I was so concerned about Anna that I didn’t even bother to grab new clothes when I got out of the shower before work. I wasn’t really interested in seeing Kevin, either. After almost sleeping with him, I hadn’t had time to process what I actually wanted from whatever it was that we were doing. My body language must have told him something was up.
“Do you want me to leave?” He looked confused and hurt. I avoided his eyes.
“I think you’re right, I should take the day off, I’m exhausted.” I wasn’t very convincing but got up to grab my things and leave.
“Hold on a second, I’ll go grab my keys and drive you home.” Before I could protest he was rushing to his office.
I waited outside the building while Kevin pulled the car around, dreading whatever was coming. When I got in and buckled my seatbelt, Kevin didn’t move the car.
“Uh….I’m ready…I guess….let’s go,” I looked at him with confusion. He gave me a look I couldn’t interpret and started driving. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for the next few minutes. Kevin finally broke the ice with a comment about the traffic.
“It must be rush hour or something,” he gave an uncomfortable laugh before clearing his throat and trying to start again, “Faith, I’m sensing that you are having regrets about what happened on Friday…”
I sighed angrily and before I could start in on him, he cut me off.
“Look I know you’re tired and worried about Anna, so I don’t want to get into one of these long talks about what we are and stuff, I just want you to know that it’s okay if you have regrets about it and that when you do want to talk about everything, I’ll still be here.” He looked at me sincerely and squeezed my hand over the console. I weakly smiled at him and then turned to look out the window.
When we finally got to my place we said an awkward good bye and I crashed in my bed the second I locked my door, but couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about Kevin and our whole situation. Generally, I have a lot of thinking to do about our….thing. I wanted to be with Kevin so bad when he was with his fiancée but now I don’t feel the same desire. I think I had all of these thoughts about how we would get together and all of the romance that comes with starting with someone new, but now I can’t get past the fact that he’s my boss and people were already talking at work before anything even happened between us, like they knew it was going to. I think I also feel guilty because instead of answering my phone I ignored it the first time it rang so I could fool around like a teenager instead of be there for my friend. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my phone.
“Hey.”
“Hey, is everything okay?” Kevin sounded relieved but nervous to get my call.
“No, everything’s fine. I just…thank you, for letting me off the hook about everything…” I trailed off.
“Sure, but…I do want to talk about…us…eventually.”
“Me too, but not today. Maybe some other time this week? Like over dinner or something?”
“I’d like that. So…there is an “us” then?”
“Um," I paused and then, "Yes.” I was smiling. Conversation started coming easier and I felt like I didn’t need to hide my feelings from him. We hung up and I finally fell asleep.
New Post Coming Later Today
Hey Guys,
I forgot what day it was, but I'm writing the next post today and will post it immediately after I finish, I'm anticipating there also being a Friday and Sunday post this week as well....possibly a Saturdayone. Also, part of the reason I lost track is because my brother is going to be deployed to Afghanistan this June and I've been dealing with that whole issue.
I forgot what day it was, but I'm writing the next post today and will post it immediately after I finish, I'm anticipating there also being a Friday and Sunday post this week as well....possibly a Saturdayone. Also, part of the reason I lost track is because my brother is going to be deployed to Afghanistan this June and I've been dealing with that whole issue.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Author's Note- Posting Schedule
Sorry about the lack of posts guys. I'm going to try and start a posting schedule next week. I'm starting school up again and it's going to be a super busy semester but I'll try to follow the schedule as closely as possible. This week is my first week of school so I'm probably not going to have time to write anything. (I combined the three posts I lost into the previous post) I will be posting over the weekend to get everything caught up and then post on Tuesdays and Fridays (and maybe a bonus post on Thursdays). If I find that the schedule is too much I might have to reduce or change it. Thanks for reading! There's going to be tons of fun coming into Faith's story soon and I hope you guys are enjoying the blog.
As always, feel free to comment, usually the comments help me decide the direction of the blog so the more comments the better!
See you guys next week!
As always, feel free to comment, usually the comments help me decide the direction of the blog so the more comments the better!
See you guys next week!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Loss
I just got home from Anna’s. She’s doing about as fine as you’d expect. Theo was at a medical conference all weekend and at Anna’s insistence didn’t fly home on the first jet out of town. Zoey and I stayed with Anna all weekend until Theo got back early this morning, but Elise had to leave on Sunday for a photo shoot 6 hours away and has been calling sporadically for updates.
When I got to the hospital Zoey was sitting next to Anna who was sleeping in the hospital bed. I told her I’d stay with Anna so she could walk around a little and get some coffee. While Zoey was out, Elise arrived, sat on the end of Anna’s bed and started rubbing her feet. I thought it was weird that Anna didn’t wake up and when Zoey got back I asked her what was going on.
“She called me this afternoon in hysterics. I had no idea what was going on so I walked down to her office. She told me that she needed me to take her home so I told Missy (Zoey and Anna’s boss) that Anna was sick and that we were both taking the rest of the day off. We hit a ton of traffic and Anna started to get more and more agitated and hysterical. I tried to calm her down but she was freaking out. When I finally got her home I dropped her off at the door and went to park, by the time I got upstairs to her apartment she was in the bathroom and refused to come out for about 45 minutes. I started to get worried when I didn’t hear her moving around or crying and opened the door. She was covered in blood and laying on the floor, I called an ambulance and we ended up here. Anna almost died because she lost so much blood. She had to be sedated when she regained consciousness because she was so distraught and scared. She’s been out for awhile, they admitted her immediately, took care of the miscarriage bleeding, and gave her a few transfusions, now they’re observing her. I don’t know how long she’ll be here. I was so…”
Zoey broke into tears and Elise and I surrounded her in a group hug. I’d only seen Zoey cry a few times, she was usually the rock to all of us so it makes sense why Anna called her in such an emotional situation. I offered to get Zoey a hot meal from the diner across the street, which she accepted. While I was waiting for Zoey’s open-faced roast beef sandwich, my phone started ringing. It was Kevin. I let it go to voicemail because I was feeling a HUGE sense of relief for not having sex with him. I checked it on my way back to the hospital.
“Hey Faith, it’s Kevin. I just wanted to see how your friend was doing and if you need me to do anything, like pick you up from the hospital or something. Call me if you need anything.”
When I got back with Zoey’s food, Anna was sort of awake but totally out of it. She didn’t really remember much and we weren’t sure how to tell her she had a miscarriage, so we decided to wait until the drugs wore off completely so we only had to tell her once. She kept falling in and out of sleep for about 30 minutes until she fell asleep again. All three of us fell asleep about an hour later and were kicked out by the nurses around 3am. We decided to go to Anna’s apartment and clean up her bathroom so that when she got home she didn’t need to see all of the blood. I packed her a bag of comfortable clothes to change into the next morning and her favorite pillow. We decided to let Anna call Theo, surprisingly, the hospital hadn’t called him and in the giant mess of the day before we hadn’t thought to either.
By the time we got to the hospital the next morning, Anna had been awake for awhile, she had been told about the baby by the doctor and was being released in the afternoon. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, it was clear she had been crying. She started sobbing at the sight of us and told us she called Theo and told him to stay at the conference. I handed her the bag of things and we helped her change out of the hospital gown and get comfortable in her bed. She was pretty unresponsive for the rest of the day, which the nurse told us was expected.
Once she’d been released, we took her home and she fell asleep on the couch. Zoey and I decided to go buy some groceries and cook so that Anna didn’t have to worry about making food for the rest of the week. Anna pretty much slept until the next morning.
On Sunday morning I made Anna and the girls some breakfast before Elise had to leave. Afterward Elise gave Anna a hug.
“Call me if you need anything, I mean it” Elise gave her one more hug and then left.
“Anna do you want me to run you a bath?” Zoey asked. She nodded her head and then pulled us both in for a group hug.
I could tell that Anna was uncomfortable with us taking care of her but she knew that she needed us. While she was in the bathtub, I did her laundry and washed her bed linens. I threw the clothes she had on at the hospital away since they had been ruined by the blood, but washed everything else. The three of use spent the rest of the day watching sappy romantic comedies and trying to take Anna’s mind off of everything.
On Monday, Theo got back super early, so Zoey and I left to give them privacy. I had enough time to get home, shower, and leave for work (which I’m running late for!).
When I got to the hospital Zoey was sitting next to Anna who was sleeping in the hospital bed. I told her I’d stay with Anna so she could walk around a little and get some coffee. While Zoey was out, Elise arrived, sat on the end of Anna’s bed and started rubbing her feet. I thought it was weird that Anna didn’t wake up and when Zoey got back I asked her what was going on.
“She called me this afternoon in hysterics. I had no idea what was going on so I walked down to her office. She told me that she needed me to take her home so I told Missy (Zoey and Anna’s boss) that Anna was sick and that we were both taking the rest of the day off. We hit a ton of traffic and Anna started to get more and more agitated and hysterical. I tried to calm her down but she was freaking out. When I finally got her home I dropped her off at the door and went to park, by the time I got upstairs to her apartment she was in the bathroom and refused to come out for about 45 minutes. I started to get worried when I didn’t hear her moving around or crying and opened the door. She was covered in blood and laying on the floor, I called an ambulance and we ended up here. Anna almost died because she lost so much blood. She had to be sedated when she regained consciousness because she was so distraught and scared. She’s been out for awhile, they admitted her immediately, took care of the miscarriage bleeding, and gave her a few transfusions, now they’re observing her. I don’t know how long she’ll be here. I was so…”
Zoey broke into tears and Elise and I surrounded her in a group hug. I’d only seen Zoey cry a few times, she was usually the rock to all of us so it makes sense why Anna called her in such an emotional situation. I offered to get Zoey a hot meal from the diner across the street, which she accepted. While I was waiting for Zoey’s open-faced roast beef sandwich, my phone started ringing. It was Kevin. I let it go to voicemail because I was feeling a HUGE sense of relief for not having sex with him. I checked it on my way back to the hospital.
“Hey Faith, it’s Kevin. I just wanted to see how your friend was doing and if you need me to do anything, like pick you up from the hospital or something. Call me if you need anything.”
When I got back with Zoey’s food, Anna was sort of awake but totally out of it. She didn’t really remember much and we weren’t sure how to tell her she had a miscarriage, so we decided to wait until the drugs wore off completely so we only had to tell her once. She kept falling in and out of sleep for about 30 minutes until she fell asleep again. All three of us fell asleep about an hour later and were kicked out by the nurses around 3am. We decided to go to Anna’s apartment and clean up her bathroom so that when she got home she didn’t need to see all of the blood. I packed her a bag of comfortable clothes to change into the next morning and her favorite pillow. We decided to let Anna call Theo, surprisingly, the hospital hadn’t called him and in the giant mess of the day before we hadn’t thought to either.
By the time we got to the hospital the next morning, Anna had been awake for awhile, she had been told about the baby by the doctor and was being released in the afternoon. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, it was clear she had been crying. She started sobbing at the sight of us and told us she called Theo and told him to stay at the conference. I handed her the bag of things and we helped her change out of the hospital gown and get comfortable in her bed. She was pretty unresponsive for the rest of the day, which the nurse told us was expected.
Once she’d been released, we took her home and she fell asleep on the couch. Zoey and I decided to go buy some groceries and cook so that Anna didn’t have to worry about making food for the rest of the week. Anna pretty much slept until the next morning.
On Sunday morning I made Anna and the girls some breakfast before Elise had to leave. Afterward Elise gave Anna a hug.
“Call me if you need anything, I mean it” Elise gave her one more hug and then left.
“Anna do you want me to run you a bath?” Zoey asked. She nodded her head and then pulled us both in for a group hug.
I could tell that Anna was uncomfortable with us taking care of her but she knew that she needed us. While she was in the bathtub, I did her laundry and washed her bed linens. I threw the clothes she had on at the hospital away since they had been ruined by the blood, but washed everything else. The three of use spent the rest of the day watching sappy romantic comedies and trying to take Anna’s mind off of everything.
On Monday, Theo got back super early, so Zoey and I left to give them privacy. I had enough time to get home, shower, and leave for work (which I’m running late for!).
Monday, January 11, 2010
Author's Note
Hey friends,
I'm having some computer issues and the next three posts were all deleted. I'm going to rewrite them, but it'll take a few days, sorry for the delay.
I'm having some computer issues and the next three posts were all deleted. I'm going to rewrite them, but it'll take a few days, sorry for the delay.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Win and Lose
I stopped by the bathroom on my way out and checked myself in the mirror. I applied some lip gloss and ruffled my hair, straightened my coat, and took a deep breath. Kevin was waiting outside the doors leaning on a lamp post. He looked very James-Bondy and, honestly, super hot. He smiled when he saw me and we started walking to the Italian place he had suggested earlier. We talked about the weather and how cold it had been the past few days and the upcoming Superbowl until we reached the restaurant. Once we were seated and had ordered (chicken parmesan for him, four cheese lasagna for me, and an appetizer of garlic bread) Kevin looked at me very sincerely.
“Faith, I didn’t know that Hannah was coming today and I’m sure you’re probably very frustrated with me,” I gave him a look, he cleared his throat and continued, “I put you in a very inappropriate position and for that I am truly sorry. I want you to know that I called everything off with Hannah today in my office-“
“If I was the reason you called things off-“
“You weren’t. I decided to call things off because Hannah wasn’t giving me any space. We talked after the Holiday party and I told her that I was having second thoughts about the wedding and needed to take a week to think things through. I had wanted to talk to her about that for awhile, it had nothing to do with what happened between us. With her showing up today at my office…I just knew that things weren’t going to work out between us and so…it’s over. Completely.”
I looked at Kevin, he was very sincere, but I still had reservations, “I don’t know if I can believe you,” he looked devastated, “You lied to me about being engaged, you made me feel guilty for what happened at the party, and you put me in a very awkward position when it came to who you wanted to be with. You showed up at my house drunk!”
Just then our food arrived and the waiter refilled our water glasses. Kevin sipped his and waited for the waiter to leave before starting again, “I am really embarrassed about that, Faith. I don’t know what I was thinking, I never drink and it was such a stupid thing to do. In my drunken mind I thought it would be romantic or something instead of sloppy and disgusting, not to mention ridiculous….who does things like that? I’m not that guy, I’m not a guy who gets drunk and makes out with strange women in bars and goes to their houses shouting things, I’m not the guy that cheats on his fiancée….that just isn’t who I am. I think…I’m not excusing my behavior, but I think I was doing those things because I knew I wasn’t in love with Hannah anymore and just wanted out.”
I let a silence fall over the table while I ate my food and thought about what Kevin was saying. This was one of the most candid conversations we’d had since meeting and despite the heavy conversation I was really enjoying his company.
“I don’t know what to say…” Kevin put his hand over mine.
“Listen, I know you’re with that guy and everything, and I’m really happy for you about that, but I just wanted you to know that I’m willing to wait for you because you are who I want to be with.”
“Uhm, yeah that ended a few weeks ago. Apparently he was a priest.”
Kevin and I both started laughing. I explained the whole story and felt the tension leave our table. Kevin smiled at me and continued eating his food. The conversation turned to work related stories and we both started getting very flirty. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and called Zoey, but got her machine so I called Elise. She picked it up on the fourth ring and I started panicking into the phone.
“You have to help me,” I whined.
“What did you do?” Elise said laughing.
“It’s not what I did it’s who I’m contemplating doing it with once I leave this restaurant.”
Elise calmed me down but didn’t really help matters much because she pretty much told me to “go screw Kevin’s brains out”. I decided to make a very bad decision.
Once we left the restaurant we walked back to the office and Kevin offered to give me a ride home. I accepted and once we were both in his car we started making out. He smelled so good, eventually we came up for air and Kevin drove to my apartment….very quickly.
“Why don’t you park it,” I whispered in his ear. He turned the corner and found an open spot. We walked up to my stoop and I unlocked the door, before I knew it we were in my apartment removing shirts and shoes when my phone started ringing.
“Don’t answer it, they’ll leave a message,” Kevin started kissing my neck and unzipping my high-waisted skirt. It stopped ringing and I dismissed it. I started unzipping his pants when it started ringing again. I grabbed my purse and told Kevin to make himself comfortable in my bedroom.
“Hello?”
“Faith!? It’s Zoey, I’m at the hospital.”
“Are you okay, what’s going on?”
Zoey sighed heavily, she sounded exhausted, “Anna had a miscarriage, it’s bad.”
I got the hospital information and started putting my clothes back on, Kevin heard me on the phone and came out.
“Is everything okay?”
I explained everything and Kevin dropped me off at the hospital after giving me a kiss good night.
“Faith, I didn’t know that Hannah was coming today and I’m sure you’re probably very frustrated with me,” I gave him a look, he cleared his throat and continued, “I put you in a very inappropriate position and for that I am truly sorry. I want you to know that I called everything off with Hannah today in my office-“
“If I was the reason you called things off-“
“You weren’t. I decided to call things off because Hannah wasn’t giving me any space. We talked after the Holiday party and I told her that I was having second thoughts about the wedding and needed to take a week to think things through. I had wanted to talk to her about that for awhile, it had nothing to do with what happened between us. With her showing up today at my office…I just knew that things weren’t going to work out between us and so…it’s over. Completely.”
I looked at Kevin, he was very sincere, but I still had reservations, “I don’t know if I can believe you,” he looked devastated, “You lied to me about being engaged, you made me feel guilty for what happened at the party, and you put me in a very awkward position when it came to who you wanted to be with. You showed up at my house drunk!”
Just then our food arrived and the waiter refilled our water glasses. Kevin sipped his and waited for the waiter to leave before starting again, “I am really embarrassed about that, Faith. I don’t know what I was thinking, I never drink and it was such a stupid thing to do. In my drunken mind I thought it would be romantic or something instead of sloppy and disgusting, not to mention ridiculous….who does things like that? I’m not that guy, I’m not a guy who gets drunk and makes out with strange women in bars and goes to their houses shouting things, I’m not the guy that cheats on his fiancée….that just isn’t who I am. I think…I’m not excusing my behavior, but I think I was doing those things because I knew I wasn’t in love with Hannah anymore and just wanted out.”
I let a silence fall over the table while I ate my food and thought about what Kevin was saying. This was one of the most candid conversations we’d had since meeting and despite the heavy conversation I was really enjoying his company.
“I don’t know what to say…” Kevin put his hand over mine.
“Listen, I know you’re with that guy and everything, and I’m really happy for you about that, but I just wanted you to know that I’m willing to wait for you because you are who I want to be with.”
“Uhm, yeah that ended a few weeks ago. Apparently he was a priest.”
Kevin and I both started laughing. I explained the whole story and felt the tension leave our table. Kevin smiled at me and continued eating his food. The conversation turned to work related stories and we both started getting very flirty. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and called Zoey, but got her machine so I called Elise. She picked it up on the fourth ring and I started panicking into the phone.
“You have to help me,” I whined.
“What did you do?” Elise said laughing.
“It’s not what I did it’s who I’m contemplating doing it with once I leave this restaurant.”
Elise calmed me down but didn’t really help matters much because she pretty much told me to “go screw Kevin’s brains out”. I decided to make a very bad decision.
Once we left the restaurant we walked back to the office and Kevin offered to give me a ride home. I accepted and once we were both in his car we started making out. He smelled so good, eventually we came up for air and Kevin drove to my apartment….very quickly.
“Why don’t you park it,” I whispered in his ear. He turned the corner and found an open spot. We walked up to my stoop and I unlocked the door, before I knew it we were in my apartment removing shirts and shoes when my phone started ringing.
“Don’t answer it, they’ll leave a message,” Kevin started kissing my neck and unzipping my high-waisted skirt. It stopped ringing and I dismissed it. I started unzipping his pants when it started ringing again. I grabbed my purse and told Kevin to make himself comfortable in my bedroom.
“Hello?”
“Faith!? It’s Zoey, I’m at the hospital.”
“Are you okay, what’s going on?”
Zoey sighed heavily, she sounded exhausted, “Anna had a miscarriage, it’s bad.”
I got the hospital information and started putting my clothes back on, Kevin heard me on the phone and came out.
“Is everything okay?”
I explained everything and Kevin dropped me off at the hospital after giving me a kiss good night.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Monday Madness
I poked my head into Kevin’s office on Monday morning and saw him sitting at his desk proffreading a few articles.
“Hey, I was wondering if you were available for lunch today,” I said cheerily.
“Yeah, I’d love to, I know a great place we can go to, do you like Italian?”
“I love Italian food, sounds great. I’ll see you around 12:30 then?”
“Sure, see you then.”
I waved and walked back to my office. Our whole conversation felt so forced and fake. It didn’t feel as easy as it used to be. I sighed and sat down at my desk and set to work on organizing the employee files and cataloging their evaluation scores. I noticed that Janna had one of the worst scores I’d ever seen since I’d been working for the paper and started reading her evaluations. She has been late everyday and leaves early, she takes personal phone calls for hours a day, and is suspected of stealing expensive office supplies. I decided that I would need to talk to her about her behavior before I could consider firing her (especially since it took three weeks just to fill the position and I’ve only recently stopped thinking about the terrible interviews I had to get through just to find her) but that it could wait until after lunch.
Kevin came by right at 12:30 and I grabbed my coat. We started walking and making small talk until he suddenly stopped.
“Uh, I think we’re going to have to rain check this lunch,” he said looking toward the front desk. I followed his gaze and saw Hannah talking to Janna with a picnic basket. My stomach bottomed out and rambled something out to Kevin about getting lunch tomorrow and quickly walked back to my office to hide my embarrassment and awkwardness. I heard Kevin and Hannah talking in the hallway.
“Why are you here Hannah? I thought we talked about taking some time apart…” Kevin lowered his voice at this last part but I could still hear it.
“I just thought I’d surprise you for lunch, let’s go to your office,” Hannah walked past my office with a spring in her step looking a lot happier than she did a our Holiday party and Kevin followed behind her looking confused and frustrated.
I decided to go to a Chinese place across the street with Dina and Suzy where we talked about George (He and his wife just got back from China to help plan their daughter's last-minute wedding) and the office gossip but I wasn’t really listening.
“Anyway, Carlos told me all about it, but there’s an even bigger rumor going around that Faith and Kevin are having an affair,” Suzy nonchalantly said while she ate her fried rice. Dina looked wide-eyed and then looked at me. I just stared at Suzy with my mouth agape.
“Why would that even be going around the office? Kevin and I barely see each other at work and the only time we ever see each other socially is at work parties,” I started panicking and Suzy and Dina shared looks.
Dina looked at me gently and put her hand on mine, “Sweetie, is it true?”
I didn’t really know how to answer her question and looked down, Suzy changed the subject to how fat some celebrity had gotten and the Balloon Boy Hoax. I munched on my sweet and sour chicken for the rest of the meal without saying anything or making eye contact.
When I got back to work I called Janna into my office.
“I just got your employee evaluation back. Your scores are very low and cite a lot of poor behavior.”
“Like what,” Janna was chewing gum and playing with her hair. I noticed that she had a facial piercing that wasn’t there when I hired her.
“Well, for example the evaluations indicate that you come to work late almost every day and leave nearly an hour early, too.”
“Oh, well, I mean that’s true,’ she smacked her gum and started to look bored. I sighed and asked the obvious question.
“So you don’t see an issue with coming in late and leaving early every day?”
“No.”
I paused and looked at her waiting for the punch line but got nothing but a doe-eyed expression, I cleared my throat, “You do realize we’ve been paying you for the hours you’ve been coming in late and leaving early, right?”
“Yeah, and if you could, like, keep doing that, I think it would be ideal…for me, you know.”
I looked at her and smiled, “Well, we can’t pay you for not working so that’s not going to pan out. But if you came to work on time and left on time, I would have no problem paying you for those hours. So are you willing to do that?"
“I think that’s, like, unreasonable and unfair.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d have to, like, get up early and stuff.”
I picked up my phone and started dialing a temp agency number, “What are you doing?” Janna gave me a dirty look. I put the phone down and put my hands on my desk, “Janna, you’re fired, you’re unwilling to do your job and I need a more reliable receptionist so I’m going to have to let you go.”
Janna looked at me shocked and prepared to fight, “But I’m such a good secretary! I talk on the phone, like, all the time!”
“Janna, you’ve been working here for two months and still don’t know how to make copies, send faxes, or even transfer a phone call. You’re also on the phone all the time because you’re taking personal calls over business calls. I can’t have you working for this paper anymore. You’ll need to remove any personal items from the front desk by the end of the week.”
She got up indignantly and walked out of my office, at the door she turned around and looked at me, “Can I at least put you down as a reference?”
“I wouldn’t count on that, Janna.”
After she left I sighed and picked up the phone again. I punched in the phone number for a temp agency we use frequently and arranged for someone to come in the next day until the position is filled. Who knows when that will be! I had stayed late at work and was exhausted but decided to check my e-mail before I left, I had an e-mail from Kevin:
From: Kevin
To: Faith
Subject: Dinner
Faith,
I want to apologize for missing lunch today. We need to talk and since lunch was interrupted, I’d like to invite you to dinner. I’ll meet you outside at 6:00?
Kevin
I looked at my watch it was almost 6:00pm. I grabbed my coat and purse, turned the lights off in my office, and closed the door.
“Hey, I was wondering if you were available for lunch today,” I said cheerily.
“Yeah, I’d love to, I know a great place we can go to, do you like Italian?”
“I love Italian food, sounds great. I’ll see you around 12:30 then?”
“Sure, see you then.”
I waved and walked back to my office. Our whole conversation felt so forced and fake. It didn’t feel as easy as it used to be. I sighed and sat down at my desk and set to work on organizing the employee files and cataloging their evaluation scores. I noticed that Janna had one of the worst scores I’d ever seen since I’d been working for the paper and started reading her evaluations. She has been late everyday and leaves early, she takes personal phone calls for hours a day, and is suspected of stealing expensive office supplies. I decided that I would need to talk to her about her behavior before I could consider firing her (especially since it took three weeks just to fill the position and I’ve only recently stopped thinking about the terrible interviews I had to get through just to find her) but that it could wait until after lunch.
Kevin came by right at 12:30 and I grabbed my coat. We started walking and making small talk until he suddenly stopped.
“Uh, I think we’re going to have to rain check this lunch,” he said looking toward the front desk. I followed his gaze and saw Hannah talking to Janna with a picnic basket. My stomach bottomed out and rambled something out to Kevin about getting lunch tomorrow and quickly walked back to my office to hide my embarrassment and awkwardness. I heard Kevin and Hannah talking in the hallway.
“Why are you here Hannah? I thought we talked about taking some time apart…” Kevin lowered his voice at this last part but I could still hear it.
“I just thought I’d surprise you for lunch, let’s go to your office,” Hannah walked past my office with a spring in her step looking a lot happier than she did a our Holiday party and Kevin followed behind her looking confused and frustrated.
I decided to go to a Chinese place across the street with Dina and Suzy where we talked about George (He and his wife just got back from China to help plan their daughter's last-minute wedding) and the office gossip but I wasn’t really listening.
“Anyway, Carlos told me all about it, but there’s an even bigger rumor going around that Faith and Kevin are having an affair,” Suzy nonchalantly said while she ate her fried rice. Dina looked wide-eyed and then looked at me. I just stared at Suzy with my mouth agape.
“Why would that even be going around the office? Kevin and I barely see each other at work and the only time we ever see each other socially is at work parties,” I started panicking and Suzy and Dina shared looks.
Dina looked at me gently and put her hand on mine, “Sweetie, is it true?”
I didn’t really know how to answer her question and looked down, Suzy changed the subject to how fat some celebrity had gotten and the Balloon Boy Hoax. I munched on my sweet and sour chicken for the rest of the meal without saying anything or making eye contact.
When I got back to work I called Janna into my office.
“I just got your employee evaluation back. Your scores are very low and cite a lot of poor behavior.”
“Like what,” Janna was chewing gum and playing with her hair. I noticed that she had a facial piercing that wasn’t there when I hired her.
“Well, for example the evaluations indicate that you come to work late almost every day and leave nearly an hour early, too.”
“Oh, well, I mean that’s true,’ she smacked her gum and started to look bored. I sighed and asked the obvious question.
“So you don’t see an issue with coming in late and leaving early every day?”
“No.”
I paused and looked at her waiting for the punch line but got nothing but a doe-eyed expression, I cleared my throat, “You do realize we’ve been paying you for the hours you’ve been coming in late and leaving early, right?”
“Yeah, and if you could, like, keep doing that, I think it would be ideal…for me, you know.”
I looked at her and smiled, “Well, we can’t pay you for not working so that’s not going to pan out. But if you came to work on time and left on time, I would have no problem paying you for those hours. So are you willing to do that?"
“I think that’s, like, unreasonable and unfair.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d have to, like, get up early and stuff.”
I picked up my phone and started dialing a temp agency number, “What are you doing?” Janna gave me a dirty look. I put the phone down and put my hands on my desk, “Janna, you’re fired, you’re unwilling to do your job and I need a more reliable receptionist so I’m going to have to let you go.”
Janna looked at me shocked and prepared to fight, “But I’m such a good secretary! I talk on the phone, like, all the time!”
“Janna, you’ve been working here for two months and still don’t know how to make copies, send faxes, or even transfer a phone call. You’re also on the phone all the time because you’re taking personal calls over business calls. I can’t have you working for this paper anymore. You’ll need to remove any personal items from the front desk by the end of the week.”
She got up indignantly and walked out of my office, at the door she turned around and looked at me, “Can I at least put you down as a reference?”
“I wouldn’t count on that, Janna.”
After she left I sighed and picked up the phone again. I punched in the phone number for a temp agency we use frequently and arranged for someone to come in the next day until the position is filled. Who knows when that will be! I had stayed late at work and was exhausted but decided to check my e-mail before I left, I had an e-mail from Kevin:
From: Kevin
To: Faith
Subject: Dinner
Faith,
I want to apologize for missing lunch today. We need to talk and since lunch was interrupted, I’d like to invite you to dinner. I’ll meet you outside at 6:00?
Kevin
I looked at my watch it was almost 6:00pm. I grabbed my coat and purse, turned the lights off in my office, and closed the door.
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