Thursday, January 28, 2010

Work Daze

When I got to work, I was exhausted. Kevin walked into my office and closed the door before I even had a chance to sit down.

“You should take the day off, your weekend was probably pretty hectic,” he said.

“How would you know?” I snapped back, irritated.

“Cause you’re wearing the same clothes you wore on Friday.” He said laughing.

I sighed and realized he was right, I was so concerned about Anna that I didn’t even bother to grab new clothes when I got out of the shower before work. I wasn’t really interested in seeing Kevin, either. After almost sleeping with him, I hadn’t had time to process what I actually wanted from whatever it was that we were doing. My body language must have told him something was up.

“Do you want me to leave?” He looked confused and hurt. I avoided his eyes.

“I think you’re right, I should take the day off, I’m exhausted.” I wasn’t very convincing but got up to grab my things and leave.

“Hold on a second, I’ll go grab my keys and drive you home.” Before I could protest he was rushing to his office.

I waited outside the building while Kevin pulled the car around, dreading whatever was coming. When I got in and buckled my seatbelt, Kevin didn’t move the car.

“Uh….I’m ready…I guess….let’s go,” I looked at him with confusion. He gave me a look I couldn’t interpret and started driving. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for the next few minutes. Kevin finally broke the ice with a comment about the traffic.

“It must be rush hour or something,” he gave an uncomfortable laugh before clearing his throat and trying to start again, “Faith, I’m sensing that you are having regrets about what happened on Friday…”

I sighed angrily and before I could start in on him, he cut me off.

“Look I know you’re tired and worried about Anna, so I don’t want to get into one of these long talks about what we are and stuff, I just want you to know that it’s okay if you have regrets about it and that when you do want to talk about everything, I’ll still be here.” He looked at me sincerely and squeezed my hand over the console. I weakly smiled at him and then turned to look out the window.

When we finally got to my place we said an awkward good bye and I crashed in my bed the second I locked my door, but couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about Kevin and our whole situation. Generally, I have a lot of thinking to do about our….thing. I wanted to be with Kevin so bad when he was with his fiancée but now I don’t feel the same desire. I think I had all of these thoughts about how we would get together and all of the romance that comes with starting with someone new, but now I can’t get past the fact that he’s my boss and people were already talking at work before anything even happened between us, like they knew it was going to. I think I also feel guilty because instead of answering my phone I ignored it the first time it rang so I could fool around like a teenager instead of be there for my friend. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my phone.

“Hey.”

“Hey, is everything okay?” Kevin sounded relieved but nervous to get my call.

“No, everything’s fine. I just…thank you, for letting me off the hook about everything…” I trailed off.

“Sure, but…I do want to talk about…us…eventually.”

“Me too, but not today. Maybe some other time this week? Like over dinner or something?”

“I’d like that. So…there is an “us” then?”

“Um," I paused and then, "Yes.” I was smiling. Conversation started coming easier and I felt like I didn’t need to hide my feelings from him. We hung up and I finally fell asleep.

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