Hard Day's Night

They were all staring at me and I felt the walls close in. If there had been walls, that is. Everywhere I looked someone was watching, waiting. The longer it went on the worse it got. I looked down and saw Mike. He was bleeding and I was holding a bloody knife.

I woke up in a cold sweat. Mike was lying next to me in a deep sleep. My room was dark, my heart was racing and I was trying to control my breathing to no avail. Mike started stirring so I slipped out of bed and went into the living room so I didn’t wake him.

I sat on the couch and tried to catch my breath. I realized I was having a panic attack and tried to get more control of my breathing but that only made it worse. I suddenly felt a warm nose against my hand. It was Sasha. She put her head against my side. Murphy perched himself on my lap and started purring. My breathing slowed and I ran my hands threw their fur. But then I saw it and felt my heart racing again.

The ring on my left hand. I still couldn’t believe I had said yes, but I was in such an awkward position.

Mike had wanted to go out for Valentine’s Day. I wasn’t too excited about it, especially considering how our last Valentine’s Day together had gone, but had agreed to something low-key. Mike planned everything and it was a surprise. He took me ice skating to an outdoor rink, pulled me to the middle of the rink, and proposed while everyone around us watched. As soon as I saw him get down on one knee my heart sank. I don’t even remember what Mike had said to me because I was too busy looking around at the crowd and trying to figure out what to do.

If I had said “no” in front of such a large crowd, Mike would have been completely humiliated and who knows how the crowd around us would react? I had no choice but to say “yes”. We spent the rest of the night celebrating and I tried very hard to maintain a smile on my face. Mike called his sisters and told them what happened, he wanted me to call the girls and my parents but I said it was late and I’d tell them the next day. We had sex and Mike promptly fell asleep but I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours until I fell asleep and had that terrible nightmare.

I stared at my hand resting on Murphy’s back. It was Betty’s ring. I had no idea what Mike had to do in order to get it from Maggie. I sighed. I had figured out exactly how to bring up my issues with our relationship and was just waiting until after Valentine’s Day to say something (I figured we didn’t need any more bad memories to add to the day). I was so proud of myself. I told Dr. Sheehan how I was planning on bringing up how I felt and we talked through different scenarios that could happen and I felt prepared for all of them. But now that Mike had proposed? It made the whole thing more complicated.

I felt stupid for saying “yes” but I really felt trapped in the moment and then Mike was just so happy…I took a deep breath and looked at the ring again. I knew what I had to do and I was SO not looking forward to it.

Later that morning I was getting some documents together for my work meeting. I was introducing Steve, my old assistant, to Nick, the Glass Penny’s PR and Marketing director. Steve and I had reached a really exciting part of our discussions and I was confident that bringing Nick in was going to make what we were trying to do a reality. It was an important meeting and I had been thinking about it for over a week. In short, it was a big deal.

Mike came out of my bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He poured himself a cup of coffee before giving me a steamy kiss.

“Good morning, fiancée.” He said smiling.

“Good morning.” I said.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what I was about to say to him. I knew it was now or never.

He looked at my phone and his eyes widened.

“Mike,” I said hesitantly, “I think we need to talk…about the engagement.”

“Is that really the time? I’m going to be late to work.” He said it at the same time I spoke.

He got up from the table and rushed into my bedroom to get dressed.

He paused slightly and I saw concern flash across his face but it was gone as soon as it came. Or maybe I just imagined that?

“Mike, did you hear me? I think we need to talk.”

“Uh, okay. Have you seen my belt?”

“Things are moving a little too fast for me. I don’t think that-”

“There it is. Okay, what?”

He looked up at me.

“I just think things are moving too fast. I don’t think I’m ready for this…or that we are ready for this.”

Mike stopped and looked at me with confusion.

“Faith, you’re just scared from the newness of it all. Give it a few days. You’ll see. It’ll feel okay once you get used to it.”

“But, I-”

“Can we talk about this when I get back from work? I am going to be SO late.”

I swallowed and nodded. He kissed my forehead and immediately left for work, leaving me behind in his wake. I shook off the fact that Mike blew me off so I could focus on my meeting.  Within minutes, I’d gathered my documents and headed out.

The meeting had gone better than I could have hoped. Nick will be taking over the discussions now with Steve’s boss and what we’ve been wanting to come to fruition is even closer to actually happening. I was on cloud nine but I wasn’t expecting the phone call I was about to get as I walked out of Steve’s office.