Same Old Same Old

The light streaks of pink shooting across the sky as the sun started to rise made the view from the window look like a painting. Mike’s room was still dimly lit and I listened to his heartbeat and breathing as my head rested on his chest. One of his arms was around my shoulder and the other was tossed up above his head. He was deep in sleep and I was watching him. He looked so…peaceful. I silently wished I could feel that way. But that wasn’t going to happen, not after what I’d seen earlier.

I had a rare day off yesterday and decided to use it to run a bunch of errands. Things with Mike had been going well. He was attentive, affectionate, understanding, adorably shy…everything I’d come to love about Mike when we were together the first time. But something was just off. I wasn’t sure if it was just me because of all of the Adam business and Molly’s clear disapproval of me dating Mike and that was causing me to feel awkward about it but now I know that’s not what it was. I sent Mike a text to see if he wanted to grab lunch with me in between doing errands and he said he was at work.

I was confused because he’d worked the day before and usually he doesn’t work two days in a row due to how they schedule him at the firehouse. I figured one of his co-workers asked him to cover for them and went about my day. It was after I’d stopped at the library to return a book but before I was able to get to the grocery store that I saw him.

He was sitting outside at a restaurant’s patio across the street with a gorgeous blonde woman. The same woman I’d seen him with weeks ago. It was like déjà vu. There was a difference between the first time I saw them together and this time, though, and that was that Mike and I had just decided to be exclusive. I stood and watched them to try and see what the conversation was about.

Maybe he’s breaking things off with her right now? I thought.

But she looked so comfortable and happy that I couldn’t convince myself that that was happening.

Maybe they aren’t actually dating? I thought.

I had almost convinced myself that that was true but something stopped me: Mike lied about where he was. He said he as at work. Why would he have lied to me if he was meeting a friend?

And then I saw them stand up and he gave her a hug. A hug that told me they were past friendship. They were something more than friends. They walked in the opposite direction from where I was laughing and talking animatedly. I stood on the sidewalk awkwardly with a thousand thoughts rushing through my head.

Maybe he’s just going to break up with her after their date…Mike is cheating on me? Why would he agree to be exclusive if he was just going to continue dating her? If he didn’t want to be exclusive with me then why would he have agreed to it? He didn’t have to agree…What if he’s doing this to get back at me for what I did when we were together before? That doesn’t seem like the Mike I know, though. He could never be that vindictive…could he?

I went to the grocery store but couldn’t focus and ended up buying a bunch of stuff I didn’t need and none of the stuff on my list. I sent Mike a text when I got home asking him if we were still on for dinner and he replied almost immediately that he was getting off work early and he’d meet me at his place.

Another lie. He wasn’t getting off of work early. He wasn’t even at work.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I was so discombobulated and had no idea if I should bring this up with him right now or if I should take a few days to process how I was feeling. I didn’t want to cancel our plans and send up a red flag so I showed up on his door step wearing a bright blue sundress, strappy heels, and a smile that took almost all of my energy.

I have to give Mike credit…absolutely nothing seemed off over dinner. He was exactly the same guy he’d always been…except now I knew he was cheating on me. Even now I’m struggling to believe it. As I sat across the table and listened to him tell me how work was, I was struck by how easy it was for him to lie to me. I wondered if he was cheating on me to get revenge and had a plan to reveal it to me in a way that was as painful as possible. Like, for example, having her announce it to me in a crowded bar on Valentine’s Day…Then we were sitting on his couch laughing and his fingers ran over my arm and his eyes met mine and I couldn’t believe he would do that to me.

But he lied to you.

He gave me a sweet, deep kiss and when he pulled away he looked at me like I was the only person in his world.

“Faith…I think I’m falling in love with you.” He said quietly.

I wanted to believe him and he was certainly making it hard for me not to but I just…couldn’t. I kissed him and the night continued from there. He fell asleep afterward, but I couldn’t bring myself to even close my eyes. If I closed my eyes all I saw was Mike with that woman. Telling her that he was falling in love with her. Kissing her the way he kisses me. Wrapped in her sheets together, naked.

I blinked and pulled my eyes away from Mike’s face and back to the view outside his window. Then I sighed and gently got up. I dressed quietly and quickly so he wouldn’t wake up and then I left. I needed to figure out what to do before I talked to him about this. I needed to figure out if I wanted to be with him still.