Blindside

Penny and I sat at a booth waiting for Molly and Zoey. We went to a familiar little café that serves the best brunch in town and I was excited for her to meet my friends. Some of the conversations I’d had with Penny made it sound like she really didn’t have a lot of friends outside of Dan’s old college buddies and some co-workers she was friendly with so I thought introducing her to Molly and Zoey would be a great way to meet some new people.

When Molly showed up she was surprised to see another person but shook Penny’s hand as I introduced them before sitting down and making small talk.  I hadn’t told Molly or Zoey that I was bringing Penny because I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. Boy, was I wrong…

When Zoey arrived she seem harried and was visibly thrown off by the extra person at our table and gave me a confused, almost offended look. I introduced her to Penny.

“Zoe, this is my friend, Penny, she’s one of Adam’s friends. Penny, this is Zoey.”

Zoey put a strained smile on her face and shook Penny’s hand before sitting down. We all chatted about the weather (it’s been raining so much lately) and what we were going to order. Molly had decided on a cheese omelet and a fruit salad, I was getting a platter of French toast with strawberries, Penny was getting a pancake platter with hash browns and bacon, and Zoey settled on a hash brown skillet with peppers, sausage, and eggs. Our waitress filled our orange juices up before leaving to put in our order and there was a brief awkward silence between us.

“So,” I said breaking it, “Penny teaches the second grade.”

“Oh, that’s cool. You must really like kids.” Molly said, “I’m not sure I could handle a full classroom of them.”

“They can be quite the handful sometimes but, yeah, I do like kids. I can’t wait until Dan and I finally start making some of our own.”

Penny smiled easily and the conversation flowed easily but I noticed Zoey was really quiet and I saw her shoot Penny a dirty glare a few times. Our food came and Penny was getting along really well with Molly but every time she tried to engage Zoey, Zoey answered with one word answers and non-committal shrugs. I was really confused as to why she was acting like this.

“So, Zoey, Faith tells me that you work in fashion. That must be so awesome.” Penny said.

“It’s okay.” Zoey shrugged and picked at her food.

I stood up and looked at her.

“I need to run to the restroom, why don’t you come with me?” I said it as a suggestion but she knew it wasn’t and begrudgingly got up from the table.

When the bathroom door closed behind us I spun around and looked at her.

“Zoey, is something wrong? Why are you acting like this?”

She crossed her arms and looked away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’ve barely said a word today and I’ve see you shooting Penny dirty looks so don’t even deny that. What is your deal? Did something happen between you and Wesley? Is something going on at work?”

Zoey looked at me blankly before letting her anger spill forth.

“Who the hell is she, Faith?”

I was confused and stared at her.

“She’d Adam’s friend, she’s Dan’s fiancée…”

“Why did you spring her on us for our weekly brunch thing? That’s our thing!”

“I didn’t…I wasn’t ‘springing’ her on you I just thought you guys would get along…” I said.

“Right, so you didn’t bring her here today and aren’t trying to get us to be friends with her to try and replace Anna?”

Zoey said it so cynically and with so much resentment. I was honestly blindsided by this and it hurt my feelings that Zoey would ever think that I would try to replace Anna.

“No way!” I said defensively, “That’s not what this is, I just-”

“Cut the crap, Faith! The reason you like her so much is because she reminds you of Anna!”

That wasn’t true. My friendship with Penny and my bringing her to our brunch date was not some attempt at getting some semblance of Anna back. Penny and Anna are two completely different people.

“Zoey, I would never try to replace Anna. She’s not replaceable and I wouldn’t ever want her to be. Penny is just a new friend I’ve made. And, to be fair, you don’t know anything about her because you’ve been too busy trying to ignore her the whole morning.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head.

“Whatever. I’m not doing this. I’m going home. You and Molly may be on board with replacing our dead friend but I’m not going to let you do that.”

“Zoey that’s not-”

She turned on her heel and pushed the door open angrily. I was left in the bathroom in awe. I hadn’t seen this coming at all and I was amazed and horrified that Zoey would draw such a conclusion. I didn’t think bringing someone to our brunch date would be such a big deal, let alone this big of one. We’d all brought people before, I’d even brought Adam a few times and Molly had brought one of her costume shop assistants a few times to thank them for working hard on a costume. Even Zoey had brought a co-worker every now and then. I realized, though, as I ran all of that through my head that none of us had brought anyone to brunch ever since Anna died unless it was a boyfriend, and even then, that only happened a few times.

When I returned to our table Molly gave ma confused look.

“Was that Zoey…?”

“Um, yeah, she had to go.” I said.

Molly gave me a questioning look but didn’t push it and I decided to change the subject.

“So,” I said brightly, “Molly is a costume designer and an actress, Penny. She works with me at TGP Theatre.”

“Oh, costume design, huh? That has to be so much fun.”

Conversation between us picked up but I was distracted by what had happened with Zoey. I was hurt and I know she feels hurt, too, but I don’t really feel like I did anything wrong here. I’m not using Penny to replace Anna, that was never the intention but it seems pretty clear from our conversation that Zoey isn’t interested in hearing that. When we settled the bill, Penny said good bye to Molly and I and we headed back to our place.

“So, what exactly happened with Zoey? She looked like she was crying when she left.”

Molly put her hands in the pockets of her skirt as she walked.

“She was angry with me for bringing Penny with me today.” I said still devastated at what had happened.

“Really?”

“Yeah…she…she accused me of introducing you guys to her to try and replace Anna.”

“Whoa.” Molly stopped walking, “Are you serious.”

“Yeah.” I said and we started walking again.

I adjusted my messenger bag.

“Was I just being really clueless and inconsiderate, here, or do you feel the same way?” I asked genuinely.

“No, I didn’t think that. I like Penny, she’s pretty cool. I would never see her as a replacement for Anna, though. Anna will never be replaced.”

As we walked home, it became clear that I need to talk to Zoey and get her to understand that no one is trying to replace Anna and no one ever will. If she doesn’t want to be friends with Penny she, obviously, doesn’t have to but she can’t just close herself off from meeting new people to try and honor Anna. Life has to go on.

That was painful to type out but it’s true, really. Anna is gone. It would be an insult to her memory and our friendship to not live our lives, right?