Well Shit

I found myself sitting in Adam’s living room with a glass of wine. It was our first date and I was nervous. I had my legs crossed and kept twitching my foot. It had taken me two hours to figure out what I wanted to wear (a black V-neck shirt and dark jeans) and how I wanted my hair (a high, simple pony tail).

Adam wanted to cook me dinner so I brought two red velvet cupcakes from a bakery near my apartment for dessert. He made a lasagna for us and it was yummy.

“I can at least help clean up.” I called from his living room.

“No, I don’t want you to lift a finger. I’M treating YOU.” He said coming around the corner with a glass of wine in his hand.

“Anyway,” He said sitting next to me on the couch, “there’s nothing left for you to do.”

“Oh.” I said.

“I have an idea of what we could do.” Adam said putting his wine glass down on the end table and taking mine and putting it with it.

Adam moved closer to me and kissed me. The wine had helped me to relax a bit and I was into it. Adam is a really good kisser, it’s like he just knows how to kiss me the way I like it. Things were pretty hot but then I got a case of the giggles and couldn’t stop it.

“What?” Adam broke away.

“I’m sorry,” I said between giggles, “I just…I’m fine.”

I got myself to stop and we resumed with the kissing until…

“Okay, you’re gonna have to tell me what’s so funny because I’m starting to think I’m doing something wrong, here.” Adam said pulling away again.

“Oh, God, no!” I said covering my face with my hands, “You’re doing fine. Great, actually, So, so great…I’m sorry, it’s just…it’s just kind of weird that we’re sitting here making out on your couch.”

“Why is that weird?” He asked matter-of-factly.

“Because it’s YOU.” I said shrugging, “YOU are kissing me and also getting in a lot of boob grazes.”

“Noticed that, huh?” Adam raised one eyebrow.

I gave him A Look.

“I just don’t see why it’s weird for you, Faith. Nothing is different.” He said.

“How can you say that?” I asked, “Everything is different, instead of being Adam you’re Adam now.”

Adam pulled me to him and put his arm around me. It wasn’t in a romantic or intimate way, but in a friendly, comfortable way.

“The way I see it,” He said nonchalantly, “The only thing that has changed is that we were friends and now we’re friends who get to do sexy things with each other. That’s all.”

“How can you say that, though?” I asked, “Don’t you see me differently?”

“Not really. You’re the same person you’ve always been to me. The only difference now is that I get to explore a new level of friendship and intimacy with you than I did before. And I’m excited about that, not scared or nervous.”

“And you get to see my boobs.” I joked.

“Well, I mean…I’ve already seen your boobs, so…”

I sat bolt upright and stared at him.

“Um, EXCUSE ME?”

“WELL.” Adam said, “THIS is awkward. Uh…don’t you remember when I walked into your apartment that one time in the middle of you and your boyfriend…ex-boyfriend…pseudo-boyfriend…whatever guy were getting it on on your couch?”

My eyes got wide and I felt myself blush. I HAD forgotten that. Having Adam walk in on Sean and me while we were in the process of having sex on my couch is probably one of the more mortifying experiences of my life. DEFINITELY in the top five, at least.

“For what it’s worth, they’re nice.” Adam said trying to insert humor into the situation.

“Oh my GOD, please stop talking.” I was horribly embarrassed.

There was an awkward silence while I relived that embarrassing moment over and over again.

“Um. That was something I shouldn’t have brought up, wasn’t it?” Adam asked awkwardly.

I looked at him like I wanted to die.

“Wow, you’re really turning red.”

I covered my face with my hands and planted it into one of Adam’s throw pillows. I felt him get up from the couch and then the couch cushion felt like something was sitting on it. When I lifted one hand to see what he was doing, his head was resting on his arm which was on the couch cushion and he was squatting in front of the couch smiling at me.

“You know I don’t really care about what happened.” He said matter-of-factly.

“But I do.” I muttered into the pillow.

“So I’ve seen your boobs,” he shrugged, “who hasn’t!”

I bent my elbow and propped my head up with my hand.

“You REALLY suck at making people feel better.” I said.

“Faith, that’s what YOU told me when I wanted to die from embarrassment after that whole thing happened.”

“Well, then I really suck at making people feel better.” I said dramatically.

Adam stared at me. He was at a loss for words for a few moments.

“I could show you my boobs.” He said putting his forehead against mine.

And then I laughed and touched his face. He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. It was sweet and gentle at first but then it became more insistent. I pulled him on top of me and we became a tangle of arms and legs. I pulled Adam’s shirt off and then stopped and sat up.

“What? Is it the bag?” Adam asked motioning to his colostomy bag.

“No.” I moved my hand over his chest and landed on a scar right above his heart. His entire torso was full of the scars from Amber’s attack.

Adam looked down at where my hand was and put his over it.

“I know it looks bad, but I’m okay.” He said looking in my eyes.

“I don’t think it looks bad. I just…I….I don’t know.” I couldn’t explain why I had stopped and I felt like I was making him self-conscious. I think I was just unprepared for being reminded of that day in a situation like this.

“It’s okay.” He said reaching for his shirt.

I stopped him and pulled him in for another kiss. He pulled my shirt off and things progressed from there for a few minutes before he stopped me.

“Um, I have to go get something.” He said motioning to his bathroom.

I got off of him and sat on his couch as he went into the bathroom and closed the door. I assumed he’s gone to get a condom but I was sitting there, without a shirt on for what seemed like a really long time. And I waited. And waited. And waited. I put my shirt back on (the moment had well passed by that point and I was cold).

“Um. Adam? Is everything okay?” I asked lightly knocking on the bathroom door.

“Yeah. But, uh, I think you should probably go.”

I was confused.

“What? Why?” I was hurt, “Did…did I do something wrong?”

“No. I just…um…I just think you should go.”

“Adam you’re being weird.” I said trying the doorknob.

It gave and I opened the door.

“Oh.” I said, “What happened?”

Adam’s pants were covered in feces from his colostomy bag. It had dripped everywhere and there was a big mess all over the bathroom floor of dirty towels. He looked up from what he was doing and looked absolutely humiliated.

“I…you’re supposed to empty it before you have sex…”

“Oh.” I said, “Let me help you.” I said taking a step toward him.

“I’d really rather you didn’t.” He said putting a hand up, “I really need to deal with this, can I just call you later?”

“Sure.” I said trying to sound nonchalant and nodding casually, “Um. I had a good time.”

I didn’t know what else to say so I slowly backed out of the bathroom and closed the door, quietly gathered my things, and left.