And Here We Are

“Do you want to get out of here?” Adam asked me after we walked back inside.

I nodded.

He took my hand and lead me through the crowded dance floor and out into the hotel atrium. We walked to a train station down the street and stood on the platform.

An awkward silence formed between us as we waited. The truth is that I was starting to feel like this was a bad idea.

“So…” Adam said rocking back and forth on his feet with his hands in his pockets, “Your place or mine?”

I hesitated.

“How ‘bout I just walk you home?” He said picking up on my feelings.

“Okay.” I nodded. His suggestion made all the feelings I had felt right before we kissed on the balcony come back and I felt okay again.

I held his hand and leaned into him as we waited for the train. When it arrived we boarded and rode next to each other in silence. Basically, the entire trip back to my place happened in silence and it was painfully obvious. All the feelings of “this isn’t a good idea” came rushing back.

When we reached my door, Adam leaned against the wall next to it while I unlocked it. He seemed to be studying my face, then he gave me a deep kiss.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” I asked feeling comfortable again.

“Oh, I do. But I won’t.” He said smirking at me.

“Why?” I asked with confusion (and a little defensiveness).

“Because you’ve already started freaking out about this and I’m going to let you do that all night instead of me.” He joked.

I rolled my eyes.

“We’ll talk tomorrow when you’ve had a good 12 hours to go through every horrible scenario in your head and ratchet up your anxiety to the max. I’ll bring coffee, it should be fun.”

With that he kissed me on my forehead and then left me standing awkwardly in the hallway.

And he was right.

I had a hard time sleeping because I kept going through all the reasons why this was a good idea and why it was a bad one. I tossed and turned all night and felt completely frazzled by the time Adam arrived.

“Good morning.” He said holding a to-go coffee cup to me in the doorway.

I took it and we sat on my couch.

“How’d you sleep last night?” He asked knowingly.

I frowned at him.

“Can we stop with the mocking of my crazy, please?” I said.

Adam tipped his coffee to signal his concession and for me to go on.

“I’m not sure what happened last night was a good idea. I don’t really know how I feel about it. I’m…I’m scared.”

Adam’s eyebrows rose and he put his coffee down on the coffee table. He adjusted himself to face me and then entwined his fingers of one hand with mine.

“What would make you less scared?” He asked.

I was a bit taken aback by his question. He didn’t ask me why I was scared, he didn’t tell me it was silly to be scared, he asked me what would help me and I realized I didn’t have an answer for him like I did with the ones I expected him to ask (I had all night to think about it, after all).

“Maybe we could just pretend last night didn’t happen.” I suggested.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. The kissing happened, Faith. We both said things that can’t be taken back. This is either happening or it’s not, there’s no pretending it didn’t. You can’t keep running away from this. Time to deal with it.”

He said it gently, honestly. I appreciated that he was pushing me to deal with this situation between us because as you guys might recall from, like, the last two years I generally choose to not deal with things when it comes to my relationships. So. Adam called me on my shit, basically.

“What if I say I don’t want it to happen?” I asked looking down at our hands.

“Then I’ll be sad and my feelings will be kind of hurt.”

“But I don’t want to do that to you.”

“You can’t make yourself do something that you’re not comfortable with to avoid hurting my feelings.” He said, “I wouldn’t want you to do that for me anyway.”

“And what if I do want it to happen?” I asked looking up at him.

Adam broke his hand away from mine and reached for his coffee.

“Then you get to see me naked.” He smiled and took a sip of coffee.

I rolled my eyes and drank my coffee.

“Okay,” I said, “So, things would need to go really slow. Like, REALLY slow.”

Adam smiled at me and pulled me in for a kiss.

When he pulled away, I kept talking.

“I mean, like, painfully slow. And I want it to be exclusive from the beginning so I don’t have to worry about if it is or if it’s not and stuff. I just want it to be straight forward and easy.”

Adam leaned back and looked at me before sipping his coffee.

“So, we’re dating.” He said.

“We’re dating.” I said drinking some more coffee.

We sat on the couch next to each other smiling and glancing at each other.

After awhile, Adam had to leave to go do some work.

“Alright, I have to go work on an article. But I think we should go do something this weekend.”

“Like a date?” I said walking him to the door.

“Yeah, like a date.” He smirked.

“Okay. Call me later and we’ll figure out a day and time.” I said.

I kissed him and he left. A few minutes later Molly came home.

“Uh, was that Adam I just saw leaving?” She asked.

“Yeah, he just-”

Molly gave me an approving look.

“What?” I asked her.

“FINALLY!” Molly said.

“What?” I asked her again more pointedly.

“I’m just glad you finally nailed THAT piece of hot man meat. You needed a good night full of sex.” She said.

My eyes got wide and I scoffed at her.

“We did NOT have sex. He was not just leaving after spending the night here.” I said.

Molly deflated.

“Oh, you’re still doing the just friends crap.” She said getting a mug from a cabinet.

“Actually, no. But we didn’t have sex.”

“Wait so you guys are…”

“We’re dating.” I said smiling to myself and drinking my coffee.